Latest / Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor / Mojo Monday: Life Skills for Living Well - the Wisdom of Morita Therapy

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Mojo Monday: Life Skills for Living Well - the Wisdom of Morita Therapy · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

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  Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of My Joe
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  Speaker 1: Monday with me coach Khali. So today we're diving into
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  Speaker 1: a fascinating and unique approach to mental health and well
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  Speaker 1: being called Marita therapy, which is also something that I
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  Speaker 1: am incredibly passionate about. And that is because since my
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  Speaker 1: first introduction to Marita therapy back in twenty seventeen, it's
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  Speaker 1: had an incredible positive impact on my own mental health
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  Speaker 1: and well being, and it's also had such a positive
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  Speaker 1: impact on many of my clients. So Marita therapy was
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  Speaker 1: developed by a Japanese psychiatrist, Showma Marita in the early
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  Speaker 1: twentieth century, and it's deeply rooted in Zen Buddhism. Marita
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  Speaker 1: was a Zen Buddhist himself and he originally created it
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  Speaker 1: to treat what is called shinkaitsu, which is a type
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  Speaker 1: of anxiety neurosis. So many of his patients were suffering
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  Speaker 1: from these neuroses. It was things like generalized anxiety disorder, phobias,
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  Speaker 1: that sort of thing. And in saying that, over the years,
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  Speaker 1: its principles have been adapted to help with a wide
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  Speaker 1: range of emotional issues and to improve daily function, and
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  Speaker 1: I think it's impacted me the most. It's been hugely
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  Speaker 1: beneficial and understanding myself, understanding my thoughts, my emotions, and
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  Speaker 1: my behaviors and approach these in a way that was
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  Speaker 1: very different to how I had been living. So Marita
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  Speaker 1: suggests that we have two conflicting agendas that he identifies
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  Speaker 1: in human motivation. So according to Marita, we have two
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  Speaker 1: opposing drives. So we have a desired live fully or
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  Speaker 1: self actualize, which is living our full potential, and a
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  Speaker 1: desire to maintain security and comfort. And I'm sure this
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  Speaker 1: sounds familiar to many of you because it definitely I
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  Speaker 1: can definitely relate to this. So think about it. When
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  Speaker 1: you're pursuing something important like a career goal, or a
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  Speaker 1: new relationship, or training for a half marathon, you're often
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  Speaker 1: faced with doubt, discomfort, and insecurity, as well as excitement
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  Speaker 1: and motivation to actually achieve these things. So that's where
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  Speaker 1: these two opposing drives are. And what Marita noticed was
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  Speaker 1: that the more we try to avoid the uncomfortable feelings,
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  Speaker 1: the more they disrupted our lives. So it's like trying
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  Speaker 1: to ignore as a mosquito bite, the more you scratch it,
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  Speaker 1: the worse that it gets. And this brings us to
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  Speaker 1: a key concept in Marita therapy called arugamama, which you
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  Speaker 1: may have heard of because I talk about it a lot.
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  Speaker 1: So Aragamama means accepting life as it is. It's all
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  Speaker 1: about embracing the present moment without constantly comparing it to
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  Speaker 1: this idealized version of how you think think things should be.
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  Speaker 1: So often we are not happy with the way things
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  Speaker 1: are in this moment, and we live in this state
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  Speaker 1: of dissatisfaction of our current situation and thinking that once
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  Speaker 1: we fix what's wrong, we'll finally be happy. And this
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  Speaker 1: relates to our mental health. Is very much in the West,
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  Speaker 1: where we feel that we need to get rid of symptoms.
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  Speaker 1: We're very focused on symptoms and we need to get
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  Speaker 1: rid of them before we can start to live a good,
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  Speaker 1: meaningful life. But then when that future arrives, it's just
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  Speaker 1: another present moment with its own set of challenges. So
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  Speaker 1: Marita therapy teaches us to break free from this cycle
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  Speaker 1: and find satisfaction in the present moment. So let's talk
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  Speaker 1: now about the naturalness of feeling bad. So this may
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  Speaker 1: be what you don't want to hear, but Marita observed
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  Speaker 1: that it's perfectly normal to experience unpleasant thoughts and feelings
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  Speaker 1: like anxiety or depression or self doubt, and the real
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  Speaker 1: issue isn't these feelings themselves, but it's our attempts to
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  Speaker 1: suppress or avoid them because they're so uncomfortable. So Marita
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  Speaker 1: therapy helps us change our relationship with these feelings so
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  Speaker 1: we accept them as a natural part of being human.
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  Speaker 1: And this was a game change for me because my
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  Speaker 1: life was so often dominated by trying to get rid
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  Speaker 1: of my feelings or emotions if they were difficult, and
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  Speaker 1: how I responded to this was often not aligned with
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  Speaker 1: the person who I wanted to be or what I
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  Speaker 1: stood for because I was so reactive to the emotion
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  Speaker 1: and I would think or feel. I would just think,
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  Speaker 1: and then I would feel, and then I would just act.
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  Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: even think that there was an option. So allowing emotions
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  Speaker 1: to always dictate what we do often means that we
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  Speaker 1: either are living in the past or we're living in
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  Speaker 1: the future, and it takes away from who we are
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  Speaker 1: right now. So Marita emphasized that we can't control our
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  Speaker 1: internal experiences through sheer will and putting our attention and
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  Speaker 1: our energy on unwanted thoughts and feelings often backfires on
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  Speaker 1: us because making the what it does is it makes
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  Speaker 1: them even more intense and more frequent, because what you
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  Speaker 1: pay attention to is what grows. Or what I often
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  Speaker 1: say is it's like you put attention on these thoughts
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  Speaker 1: and the feelings, and it's like throwing fuel on the
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  Speaker 1: fire it grows. So instead, Marita therapy focuses on what
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  Speaker 1: we can control, which is our actions and our behaviors.
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  Speaker 1: And just on a side note, this is very much
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  Speaker 1: aligned with epictetis, with a stoic philosopher with the zones
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  Speaker 1: of controls, and it's also very much aligned with act
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  Speaker 1: which I often consider being a kind of a Western
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  Speaker 1: version of Marita therapy. And in all of these actions
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  Speaker 1: are controllable, unlike our automatic thoughts and emotions. Our automatic
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  Speaker 1: thoughts and emotions are a part of our brain wiring
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  Speaker 1: from our past experiences, so they're very hard, if not impossible,
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  Speaker 1: to control. So an example of this would be, and
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  Speaker 1: it's quite a light example, but you might not feel
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  Speaker 1: like going for a run, or you might not feel
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  Speaker 1: like getting out of bed, but you can do it
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  Speaker 1: despite how you feel and often taking action can actually
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  Speaker 1: change how you feel. So for example, you might gain
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  Speaker 1: confidence after giving a few presentations, even if you were
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  Speaker 1: anxious at the start. And Marita therapy encourage us encourages
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  Speaker 1: us to accept our feelings and take purposeful action regardless
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  Speaker 1: of how we feel. And then, as I said, quite
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  Speaker 1: often our feelings will change, but that's not the primary
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  Speaker 1: motive of doing it. And another important aspect of Marita
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  Speaker 1: therapy is around self centered attention, which includes our suffering,
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  Speaker 1: So paying attention to our suffering. When we become so
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  Speaker 1: preoccupied with ourselves, which seems to be quite a normal
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  Speaker 1: human trait, so we're talking our anxiety, our worry, our shame,
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  Speaker 1: what our symptoms are. We often get trapped in this
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  Speaker 1: cycle of suffering, and Marita teaches us to shift our
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  Speaker 1: focus or shift our attention from ourselves and this self
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  Speaker 1: centeredness to the outside world. So being present, getting in
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  Speaker 1: touch with the world around us, especially the natural world
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  Speaker 1: around us, it can really break us free from the
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  Speaker 1: prison that we often create in our own minds. So
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  Speaker 1: Marita therapy has taught me to be aware of and
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  Speaker 1: accept the moment to moment fluctuations of my thoughts and
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  Speaker 1: my feelings without struggling with them. And the point is
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  Speaker 1: not to get rid of their discomfort, but it's about
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  Speaker 1: living a purposeful and a meaningful life even in the
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  Speaker 1: presence of it. And I would certainly say that it
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  Speaker 1: is easy to say and often hard to do, but
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  Speaker 1: this is a skill. It is a life skill, and
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  Speaker 1: like all skills, the more you practice, the better you
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  Speaker 1: get at us. And I am somebody who since twenty
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  Speaker 1: seventeen has been practicing this stuff, and so I can
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  Speaker 1: personally say that it has had a huge positive impact
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  Speaker 1: on my life and my relationship with my own emotions
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  Speaker 1: and my own things thoughts. So traditionally Marita therapy have
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  Speaker 1: this strict sort of four stage protocol which he had
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  Speaker 1: as an inpatient program, which I won't delve into now,
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  Speaker 1: but it can certainly be used as an approach focused
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  Speaker 1: on developing healthy living skills and learning to take control
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  Speaker 1: of and manage our attention and taking action aligned with
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  Speaker 1: our purpose in each moment. And that's why Marita therapy
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  Speaker 1: is often referred to as the psychology of action. So
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  Speaker 1: to wrap up, I want to leave you with a
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  Speaker 1: quote from Showman Marita himself. Accept your feelings, know your purpose,
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  Speaker 1: do what needs to be done. So next time you
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  Speaker 1: find yourself struggling with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, try to
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  Speaker 1: accept those feelings as part of your humanness. Focus on
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  Speaker 1: your actions, so where is your attention in this Redirect
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  Speaker 1: that attention and focus on your actions and do what
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  Speaker 1: needs to be done. And you may need to coexist
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  Speaker 1: with those thoughts and feelings for a while, but when
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  Speaker 1: you are focused on what needs to be done or
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  Speaker 1: focused on the outside world, often though, the intensity of
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  Speaker 1: those feelings will start to decrease. If you engage fully
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  Speaker 1: in the present moment with whatever it is you are
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  Speaker 1: doing over time, like me, you might just find that
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  Speaker 1: life takes on a new perspective. So thanks for listening,
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  Speaker 1: and I hope you've found today's episode on Marita Therapy
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  Speaker 1: interesting and inspiring, and don't forget to subscribe and live
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  Speaker 1: a review if you've enjoyed this episode, and I will
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  Speaker 1: see you next week.