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Congratulations Your Shadow Got Caught · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, Panthers.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: We're officially in the mountain era.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is your mountain chapter, and today we're going to talk about taking the next step.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, last episode we talked about the shadows, the part of us that operate in the dark.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: The parts we don't always see and the parts that quickly shape our choices.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to be talking about the moment the light hits them.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you say, oh my God, that's why I do that.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's the moment of awareness.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the moment where the climb begins.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not doing it alone.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm walking with you.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is about pattern recognition.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you start to see the emotional loops you've been living inside, but not with judgment, no shame, but not with blame.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just awareness.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness is the first step up the mountain.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And what a pattern really is, what is a pattern?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that we repeated emotionally.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's a repeated emotional experience.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thing that you keep doing, or you keep choosing, or the thing that you keep tolerating.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big one.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or even when you don't want to.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And patterns often come from old wounds or old beliefs.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: They feel familiar.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're not necessarily good, but they are definitely familiar.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I know when we're growing, sometimes that familiarity scares us because we just want to feel that.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it does get easier.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an example of that.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what the truth is: you don't choose the pattern.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: The pattern chooses you until you see it.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's what today is about.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: What are some examples of common patterns?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's talk about what they can look like because you know what?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: They show up differently for everybody.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Guilty.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it in the past.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you shut down when somebody gets too close.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Guilty.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big one for me.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I might break up before they break up with me.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: That kind of thing.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: You overgive to feel valued.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Guilty.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, these are just like all my check marks.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a big personal one.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I chase approval.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the last one, I stayed in a situation longer than I should.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I knew, I knew I should leave.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or this is a big one.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I do not like confrontation.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I will avoid conflict at all costs.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like it doesn't matter.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I will, I don't like conflict.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe, oh my gosh.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: A week and a half ago, I realized that I would try to fix people.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, wait a minute.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I am not supposed to fix people.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I can fix me.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm like.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I need to fix how I react or how I respond.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: So these patterns aren't just random, random.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're rooted into something.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when you start to see them, you actually start to understand yourself in a whole new way.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And as I'm going through this, I'm climbing the mountain with you.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I would not ask you to do anything that I don't do.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had thought I already climbed the mountain, and I know I've climbed some mountains, but last episode made me realize nope, I'm here with you.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still climbing the mountain with you.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the oh, that's why moment.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a moment when you know you know it when it happens.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or something inside you will shift.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like you literally will feel it.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Your chest feels heavy, your breath changes, your body reacts before your mind does.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like your body knows something before her mind catches up.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the moment that truth hits you.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not in a painful way, or it could be, it's in a revealing way.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's that moment you connect the dots between what you've been doing, why you've been doing it, and where it came from.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, that's where it happened.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you said that?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, now I get it.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not danger, it's awareness.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's that real first step up the mountain.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to gently reflect with you.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to, I want to invite you into a gentle reflection.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing heavy, nothing overwhelming, just noticing.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you're driving or busy, you can come back to this part later.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the timing of this is perfect.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just take a breath.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And ask yourself something.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: What pattern keeps repeating in your relationship?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your friendships are your choices.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't judge it.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice it.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then what emotion shows up right before you repeat the pattern?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Is it fear?
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Is it loneliness?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Hope?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hope's a big one.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Numbness, something else maybe?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And where do you feel that emotion in your body?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: The body always knows before your mind does.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I feel it in my chest.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: But that's it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: No fixing and no forcing.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're just noticing right now.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness is enough for now.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if something came up with you for this during this episode, that's normal.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it just means that you're becoming aware.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you're waking up to your old patterns, to your own patterns.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you're climbing.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to solve anything today.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to change anything today.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just seeing the pattern is the work.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if this, you know, if this episode brings up emotions or memories for you, it's completely okay to reach out to a counselor or someone that you trust.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to explore these options alone.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: You do not have to explore this alone.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't feel any shame.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be going through some counseling because I have actually brought up a lot of things my shadow is bringing up.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Just for guidance.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: But don't feel shame.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: This week, Panthers, I want you to simply notice your patterns.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Don't judge them, not fix them.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just see them.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Write them down if you want.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because awareness is the first step up the mountain.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And piece by piece you're learning yourself.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you in the next episode.