Latest / To All the Men I've Tolerated Before / Losing Interest in Men

Transcript

Losing Interest in Men · To All the Men I've Tolerated Before

0:00
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, this is Natalie with your pre show reminder
0:04
Speaker 1: that we have revamped our entire Patreon page for twenty
0:08
Speaker 1: twenty six. Now on Patreon, you can enjoy even more
0:13
Speaker 1: free content like our newsletter and some curated blog post
0:19
Speaker 1: if you follow the link in our show notes to
0:21
Speaker 1: sign up for our free tier. Our Patreon will be
0:25
Speaker 1: working as our website and in case anything goes weird
0:30
Speaker 1: with any of the other social media apps, it will
0:33
Speaker 1: also be the best way for you to connect with
0:36
Speaker 1: us from a social media mindset. For our paid tiers,
0:41
Speaker 1: you can look forward to even more blog posts written
0:44
Speaker 1: by me about the misogyny in real time I am experiencing,
0:50
Speaker 1: as well as ad free listening and bonus episodes that
0:54
Speaker 1: will report on misogyny within the world, within my own life,
1:00
Speaker 1: media that is confronting misogyny or god forbid, perpetuating misogyny,
1:06
Speaker 1: and some advice that is better served behind a pay
1:11
Speaker 1: wall because we all know how mouthy I can get,
1:15
Speaker 1: so please enjoy this episode and then after the show,
1:18
Speaker 1: go check out all of the things that are posted
1:21
Speaker 1: on our Patreon. We have chats there where you can
1:25
Speaker 1: easily get a hold of me to do things like
1:28
Speaker 1: suggest episode topics or guests, or introduce yourself and start
1:33
Speaker 1: to help me build a tolerator community. Love you all,
1:38
Speaker 1: Talk to you soon.
2:01
Speaker 2: Tolerators listens to Alderman, I'm tolerated before with Family Katona,
2:05
Speaker 2: your weekly look at everyday misogony. Today, our guest is Meghan,
2:09
Speaker 2: a stand up comedian from Chicago. I am desperately hoping
2:12
Speaker 2: to spend some in person time with I don't know
2:15
Speaker 2: if you knew that this was part of that. Yeah,
2:19
Speaker 2: I'm a train away. I can get to the city
2:21
Speaker 2: whenever I want. Meghan is also the co host, co creator,
2:27
Speaker 2: and co producer of The Good Guys Show at Sleeping
2:30
Speaker 2: Village and Delightfully Unbothered, a showcase for Chicago's funniest women
2:34
Speaker 2: over forty. Today, we're going to be talking about what
2:37
Speaker 2: the hell happens when you're technically attracted to ben but
2:40
Speaker 2: have no interest in building relationships with men. Welcome Meghan,
2:47
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me.
2:49
Speaker 3: It's my favorite thing to talk about right now, so
2:52
Speaker 3: I'm really excited to get into it.
2:55
Speaker 2: It's also TikTok's favorite thing to be la. Oh yeah,
2:58
Speaker 2: everyone's mad.
3:01
Speaker 3: Well, I mean I don't I'm not on TikTok because
3:04
Speaker 3: I'm a woman of a certain age and I just
3:08
Speaker 3: if it's I think Instagram was my last app, and
3:14
Speaker 3: my younger siblings tried to get me to do Snapchat.
3:17
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, this is lost on me. And I'm
3:19
Speaker 3: grateful that TikTok is also lost on me, because I
3:23
Speaker 3: can't do the time suck anymore than I already have.
3:27
Speaker 3: But I'm glad that they're talking about it. I hope
3:30
Speaker 3: it's a conversation. I want this to be a constructive
3:33
Speaker 3: conversation because I would love for it to improve. I
3:38
Speaker 3: would love to get laid. I would love to enjoy
3:42
Speaker 3: the company of a man. I would love I would
3:45
Speaker 3: love those things for not just myself, but for all
3:49
Speaker 3: women and for men too. I would love it for
3:51
Speaker 3: them too. So hopefully it's a constructive conversation. Oh, I hope.
3:56
Speaker 2: So you're not on TikTok, so you might not know
3:59
Speaker 2: the this is a trend, but there's a trend going around.
4:02
Speaker 2: I don't know what song they're referencing. I cannot think
4:05
Speaker 2: of the tune in my head, but it's basically someone
4:08
Speaker 2: puts like the text up. In this case, it would
4:11
Speaker 2: be when your guests for your podcast is hoping to
4:15
Speaker 2: have a constructive conversation about being attracted to Ben again
4:18
Speaker 2: and your lip thinking I'm not the one you were
4:21
Speaker 2: looking for. Well, you know, maybe I'll surprise myself today.
4:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to like, I want to like them,
4:32
Speaker 3: you know what.
4:33
Speaker 2: I feel like it would be so much easier for
4:36
Speaker 2: me if I could just get over it, right, Like
4:39
Speaker 2: if I could be ignorant to the systems that they
4:43
Speaker 2: themselves have put into place that make me miserable and
4:47
Speaker 2: not able to access healthcare and are stripping away the
4:51
Speaker 2: rights of people left and right, and they're all complacent
4:55
Speaker 2: in it unless they're actively voting against it. I need
4:58
Speaker 2: to make that very clear. And but I can't like
5:03
Speaker 2: it's the it is there, and I don't know if
5:05
Speaker 2: it's ever gonna go away. I'm just mad, and it's fair.
5:09
Speaker 3: I'm also perfectly fine fine not we can also just
5:16
Speaker 3: not like that's cool too, Like, if you can't get
5:19
Speaker 3: with the program and maybe realize that patriarchy is a
5:25
Speaker 3: prison that ensnares us all, including them, especially them, we
5:34
Speaker 3: could get this party started, because like I you know,
5:38
Speaker 3: I am recently divorced, and I feel hotter than I've
5:44
Speaker 3: ever I feel hotter than I've felt since I was
5:47
Speaker 3: like in my twenties. I feel so hot and like
5:51
Speaker 3: down to clown. However, because of how traumatized I was
5:59
Speaker 3: by the end of my marriage and just what I
6:04
Speaker 3: was put through throughout my marriage and my relationship, the
6:09
Speaker 3: thought of having to it like put myself, put myself
6:18
Speaker 3: out in the world in a way that would hopefully
6:21
Speaker 3: attract a straight cis man, Like what would what would
6:26
Speaker 3: I have to Like would I have to debase myself?
6:29
Speaker 3: Would I have to degrade? I would have to silence myself?
6:32
Speaker 3: Would I have to dim myself? And I had to
6:36
Speaker 3: do that in my marriage and I I will that
6:41
Speaker 3: will never fucking happen again. And it's just like the
6:44
Speaker 3: risk of that potentially fucking with my peace, it's just
6:52
Speaker 3: not worth I'd just rather not. Like, you know, if
6:55
Speaker 3: my friends have asked me like have you gone on date?
6:58
Speaker 3: Like are you going to go on dating apps? I've
7:01
Speaker 3: talked about men that I thought were attractive, like oh,
7:04
Speaker 3: you should go talk to them. I'm like no, I
7:09
Speaker 3: got propositioned. I got propositioned once in my DMS, and
7:11
Speaker 3: I was like like no, Like it's just not in
7:15
Speaker 3: the cards for me right now. But I would love
7:18
Speaker 3: for it to be.
7:19
Speaker 2: Whatever one of them approaches me. I'm always like, why
7:24
Speaker 2: why I've been flirting? Though, Well, that's good, it felt,
7:29
Speaker 2: it's good practice.
7:30
Speaker 3: But it just because you know, I was I was
7:34
Speaker 3: with someone for fourteen years and I was the dynamic,
7:38
Speaker 3: was the dynamic, and that's over. So it's like, I
7:44
Speaker 3: can I can show up however I want. I can
7:48
Speaker 3: even have a British accent. I could show the upper is.
7:51
Speaker 2: Honestly, you should have every online date with a new character,
7:59
Speaker 2: your own agen of mad TV.
8:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just like I could, I could be blonde. Yeah,
8:09
Speaker 3: so I have spoken to at least two men. That's
8:17
Speaker 3: the end of my marriage. I flirted, I guess, and
8:20
Speaker 3: it's been. It hasn't gone beyond a conversation. But like
8:25
Speaker 3: that's felt. That wasn't like enough. That was enough for me,
8:30
Speaker 3: like that because it was safe, it was not in
8:34
Speaker 3: my house. I didn't have to learn about them in
8:40
Speaker 3: any way. Like it was really just about myself, like
8:44
Speaker 3: being in like pursuing but not really and it felt empowering.
8:50
Speaker 3: It's like, I would love to take this to the
8:54
Speaker 3: next level. However, you guys are the fucking worst, and
8:59
Speaker 3: I'm not here for you. I'm not here for you.
9:03
Speaker 2: Would you like to give our listeners some background on
9:06
Speaker 2: your divorce and what brought you here today?
9:09
Speaker 3: Sure? We met in New York I used to live
9:13
Speaker 3: We used to live in New York City and I
9:15
Speaker 3: met him in twenty ten, the beginning of the year
9:21
Speaker 3: and on okaycubid dot com. This is before the app.
9:29
Speaker 3: It was when it was just like a desktop, which
9:32
Speaker 3: felt less disposable than with the apps. I've seen a
9:37
Speaker 3: friends showing me Tinder before it just like I don't
9:41
Speaker 3: feel like I translate well in that way. And I'm like,
9:44
Speaker 3: I don't think this would work for me anyway, Like
9:46
Speaker 3: I like what I'm trying to, like ingratiate myself to
9:49
Speaker 3: get some like guy I wouldn't piss on if he
9:52
Speaker 3: was on fire to like take me to drinks, Like
9:54
Speaker 3: I think I'm all set on that. Like this doesn't
9:56
Speaker 3: feel right, but anyway, okaycubub was fine. We met, We
10:00
Speaker 3: fell in love pretty quickly. He was younger than me.
10:06
Speaker 3: We had a long distancing for a while because he
10:09
Speaker 3: went to South Africa and I didn't have a lot
10:16
Speaker 3: of experiences before because I didn't have a great like
10:23
Speaker 3: I was raised on television, Like TV like taught me
10:27
Speaker 3: my worldview. And I'm forty five, so John Hughes taught
10:32
Speaker 3: me a lot about sexuality and gender. And I didn't
10:39
Speaker 3: really have any role models to what like a good
10:44
Speaker 3: dating experience would be, like what a good relationship would
10:46
Speaker 3: look like. You know, women in those movies were like
10:51
Speaker 3: very passive, like there just was a lot of agency,
10:56
Speaker 3: and like sex was just something that just like happened
10:58
Speaker 3: on you, like not something that like you could actually
11:01
Speaker 3: pursue and derive pleasure from. And I also was in
11:05
Speaker 3: my twenties during the two thousands, which I should get
11:08
Speaker 3: a fucking gold.
11:09
Speaker 2: Medal for surviving that, Yeah, we should.
11:12
Speaker 3: It should be I should. My portrait should be in
11:16
Speaker 3: a hall somewhere.
11:19
Speaker 4: So I didn't have a great I didn't have a
11:24
Speaker 4: great worldview about men anyway because of how I was
11:29
Speaker 4: treated very poorly, and I felt like I had to do.
11:33
Speaker 3: That back to hold my ground or whatever. So like
11:38
Speaker 3: he was the first we fell lovely fast, and like
11:42
Speaker 3: he made me laugh and he made me feel good
11:45
Speaker 3: and he made me happy. But there were things about
11:47
Speaker 3: him that I just kind of swept under the rug,
11:58
Speaker 3: like his drinking.
12:01
Speaker 2: Or his.
12:04
Speaker 3: I didn't know what it was yet, but like his
12:06
Speaker 3: I had to constantly regulate his emotions for him, Like
12:10
Speaker 3: you know, he would have anxiety, and like we would
12:12
Speaker 3: go to like a concert or something, and I had
12:15
Speaker 3: to anticipate everything of what was going to piss him
12:20
Speaker 3: off or what was going to freak him out, And
12:25
Speaker 3: that labor was invisible, and it was exhausting, and I
12:30
Speaker 3: didn't realize that it was draining the fucking life out
12:34
Speaker 3: of me. And also he was emotionally abusive, so I
12:38
Speaker 3: was just getting smaller and smaller and smaller.
12:44
Speaker 2: I think those two things go hand in hand more
12:47
Speaker 2: often than we're talking about, where it's like your baby
12:50
Speaker 2: sitting a grown person's feelings because they never babysat their
12:55
Speaker 2: own feelings or were taught how to love themselves or whatever.
13:00
Speaker 2: And then in turn, you're doing all of this work
13:04
Speaker 2: to babies they're feeling Meanwhile, they're not internalizing that and
13:08
Speaker 2: being like this is how you grow and love and
13:11
Speaker 2: this is healthy. They instead our move to you.
13:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it didn't he didn't. It didn't occur to him.
13:18
Speaker 3: I don't think what it was I was doing because
13:22
Speaker 3: he was so concerned with the ways in which I
13:25
Speaker 3: was failing. Yes, I would fuck up putting the dishes
13:32
Speaker 3: away wrong or doing the cat box wrong, and like,
13:37
Speaker 3: I'm a totally capable human being, but like, because of
13:40
Speaker 3: the emotional abuse and just of being the life sucked
13:43
Speaker 3: out of me and my ADHD and my shit that
13:47
Speaker 3: I also had to contend with with my mental health,
13:50
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't do anything right, so I
13:53
Speaker 3: would I would just not do anything at all, Like
13:55
Speaker 3: I just wouldn't because I was I was afraid too.
13:59
Speaker 3: I was a raid of being criticized, or he would
14:05
Speaker 3: tell me things like I feel like I'm living with
14:07
Speaker 3: an invalide sometimes and I'm like you in not realizing,
14:12
Speaker 3: I'm like you, maybe this way you made me this way.
14:17
Speaker 2: You're an emotional invalid.
14:20
Speaker 3: You shrunk me into a shriveled husk of a person.
14:25
Speaker 2: And I think it's so hard to vocalize that feeling
14:30
Speaker 2: to people who don't get it. And I've talked to
14:33
Speaker 2: like women who are older than us who also went
14:38
Speaker 2: through a very similar first marriage, and they're like, and
14:42
Speaker 2: then you go and you talk to your mom or
14:45
Speaker 2: your friends or your sisters about it, and they'd be like,
14:51
Speaker 2: is that even classified as mean, because like there's always
14:55
Speaker 2: someone who's doing something meaner.
14:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he didn't. He didn't yell at me, he
15:01
Speaker 3: didn't hit me. He didn't. He's the things he said
15:07
Speaker 3: were not They were off sometimes cruel, but like it's
15:11
Speaker 3: not this like a cartoonish, you know, image of like
15:16
Speaker 3: a Lifetime of what an abusive husband looks like. But
15:20
Speaker 3: like I in twenty twenty, during the pandemic on Easter Sunday,
15:27
Speaker 3: he spoke to me. I was asking about laundry, and
15:31
Speaker 3: he was like, leave me the fuck alone. And I
15:34
Speaker 3: felt unsafe in my home and I and it was
15:39
Speaker 3: a time where like you didn't have anywhere else to
15:41
Speaker 3: go but your house. So I was like, I can't
15:45
Speaker 3: go anywhere and I don't feel safe here. Oh shit,
15:50
Speaker 3: that's that's a piece of oh shit.
15:53
Speaker 2: And I think the fucked up thing is is then
15:56
Speaker 2: you be classified as like one of the lucky ones
15:59
Speaker 2: right where it's like, well, he's not technically raising his
16:02
Speaker 2: voice and he's not putting his hands on you, and
16:06
Speaker 2: but and I feel like this is looking turkey and
16:09
Speaker 2: at work and in some ways, Lifetime and the WE Network,
16:15
Speaker 2: Television and like all of it. The Women's Network are
16:18
Speaker 2: complicit in this because they don't show us what subtle
16:23
Speaker 2: abuse looks like. They show us over the top abuse.
16:26
Speaker 2: So the culturally that's like we're like, well, you could
16:30
Speaker 2: be Tori Spelling on the Saturday Movie of the Week,
16:35
Speaker 2: and it's like and.
16:37
Speaker 3: No, yeah, it's very mundane. A lot of it is
16:40
Speaker 3: very mundane. And that's so insidious because I would be like, well,
16:45
Speaker 3: maybe I am an invalid. Well maybe I can't Maybe
16:48
Speaker 3: I can't do the dishes right, Maybe I can't do
16:52
Speaker 3: any of these things. I'm I guess that you can't.
16:54
Speaker 2: Maybe it's my brand of add but like the way
16:58
Speaker 2: that someone will say something with me and my brain
17:01
Speaker 2: turns it into a rule. So it's like, you're bad
17:04
Speaker 2: at driving. So now I'm telling everyone that I'm bad
17:07
Speaker 2: at driving, and I have like a pretty clean driving record.
17:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's just so many things that, you know. But
17:15
Speaker 3: I loved him, you know, and so I would just
17:19
Speaker 3: deal And Easter Sunday twenty twenty four, six weeks after,
17:28
Speaker 3: we had a beautiful vacation in Costa Rica that I
17:33
Speaker 3: planned the itinery for. It was romantic, it was fortifying,
17:39
Speaker 3: it felt great. I was really proud of us, you know,
17:44
Speaker 3: and it was, and like I started lifting weights. You
17:49
Speaker 3: know the thing about patriarchy is that you know, women
17:53
Speaker 3: have to work out so they can be hot for dudes.
17:55
Speaker 3: I'm like, well then miss me with that ont Now
18:00
Speaker 3: what I'm here to do. I want to I want
18:03
Speaker 3: to repulse you to my own detriment, but I'm like, no,
18:06
Speaker 3: I want to be able to like carry my grocery's
18:08
Speaker 3: home for as long as you know I was. I
18:11
Speaker 3: am privileged to have a capable, strong, sturdy body with
18:16
Speaker 3: like strong healthy genes, like I should be able to, like,
18:20
Speaker 3: you know, do shit. I'm only forty eight, I was
18:23
Speaker 3: only my I'm only forties. So I started lifting weights
18:27
Speaker 3: because there were things in Costa Rica that I really
18:29
Speaker 3: want to do that I didn't wanted to be inhibited
18:31
Speaker 3: because I am not strong, or I don't because I
18:38
Speaker 3: was so separated from my body, like I I didn't
18:42
Speaker 3: feel in touch with my body, like I need to
18:43
Speaker 3: feel in touch with my body. So I started lifting weights.
18:44
Speaker 3: And it's been care recommended enough, especially for women. We
18:48
Speaker 3: had to think about bone loss and all that shit,
18:51
Speaker 3: like start lifting weights as soon as you can. It's
18:53
Speaker 3: so empowering. It makes you feel so fucking strong, and
18:56
Speaker 3: so I started doing that, and like I was able
18:58
Speaker 3: to do all these things in Costa Rica that I
19:00
Speaker 3: didn't think I would have been able to have done
19:01
Speaker 3: had I not started lifting weights. So he stopped drinking
19:08
Speaker 3: because of something that happened like five months prior to
19:12
Speaker 3: the trip, and I was like, you know, we were like, okay,
19:16
Speaker 3: well then we're not going to drink in Costa Rica
19:18
Speaker 3: and then he's like, I'm gonna drink cost Rica and
19:21
Speaker 3: I was like okay, and so he did and it
19:24
Speaker 3: was fine, but then he came back and then it
19:28
Speaker 3: just never He never stopped drink because he was like,
19:31
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna drink Costrica and then I won't drink,
19:33
Speaker 3: and it just never stopped. And I was like he
19:35
Speaker 3: would he was. I was still at the gym. He
19:37
Speaker 3: had stopped working out, like that was so important to him,
19:39
Speaker 3: and he kept trying to like all the time, trying
19:42
Speaker 3: to get me into it, and I was I was
19:44
Speaker 3: right into it for me, not because he told me
19:46
Speaker 3: to do it, and he just stopped. He would spend
19:48
Speaker 3: all his time in bed, you know, and he seemed
19:53
Speaker 3: really depressed, and I was like fuck, like, you know,
19:56
Speaker 3: something bad is like gonna have to talk about treatment
20:01
Speaker 3: or something. Little did I know, because usually when men
20:05
Speaker 3: are having affairs, they got a little spring in their
20:08
Speaker 3: step they work it out. But this was just emotional,
20:12
Speaker 3: so maybe he didn't do all that shit. He was
20:16
Speaker 3: having an affair with coworker and who I met. And
20:24
Speaker 3: on Easter Sunday, we were at friend's house watching The
20:26
Speaker 3: Tank Commandments, which, as you know, is like a five
20:28
Speaker 3: hour long movie, and he's We're on this long sectional
20:32
Speaker 3: couch at our friend's house and he is right in
20:34
Speaker 3: front of me, and I'm not looking because I don't care.
20:39
Speaker 3: I trust him. He can do whatever he wants, you know.
20:42
Speaker 3: But he's messaging. He's on the same an app. I
20:45
Speaker 3: don't recognize messaging someone for hours. And I was like, huh, interesting,
20:55
Speaker 3: because like, I'm cool, I should be a queer person,
21:00
Speaker 3: Like there's no, it doesn't make any sense that I'm
21:04
Speaker 3: not queer, Like it just it doesn't add up. It's
21:06
Speaker 3: proof that this isn't it's non choice because as I said, like,
21:10
Speaker 3: I'm not here for a streatment game in I'm here
21:13
Speaker 3: for all the live, long fucking day like gamen raise
21:17
Speaker 3: me besides John Hughes, but John Waters I has a
21:22
Speaker 3: lot to do with who I am and phebe herban anyway,
21:25
Speaker 3: you know, And I could have if he had come
21:27
Speaker 3: to me and been like, hey, I'm having feelings, I'm like, oh,
21:29
Speaker 3: if you need to have a girlfriend, like maybe we
21:32
Speaker 3: can open that up. Although that's not how you open
21:35
Speaker 3: a relationship because.
21:37
Speaker 2: Right not in a state.
21:39
Speaker 3: Yeah not like I want her so well, it's open up.
21:42
Speaker 3: It's usually like you before you meet someone, you start
21:44
Speaker 3: feeling that way is how it's supposed to go. But anyway,
21:47
Speaker 3: he fus, he's up about she like this, like I
21:49
Speaker 3: couldn't been cool about so I was like, I'm gonna
21:51
Speaker 3: love him, just some softballs about how I feel about
21:53
Speaker 3: emotional affairs. I would much rather you bone someone in
22:01
Speaker 3: just have sex. I understand that, get it out. I
22:07
Speaker 3: get having the having the hots for someone and I
22:12
Speaker 3: that is something I can understand. That is something that
22:14
Speaker 3: is more forgivable to me than an emotional affair, because
22:20
Speaker 3: I am you are bleeding me fucking dry of all
22:24
Speaker 3: my emotions, all of my all my emotional labor, all
22:28
Speaker 3: of my energy, and that's still not enough. That's still
22:31
Speaker 3: not enough for you, you got to go find it somewhere else.
22:34
Speaker 3: So he just wouldn't take the bait. He would not.
22:40
Speaker 3: And it was in the night of the eclipse in
22:42
Speaker 3: April of last year, and we went to dinner and
22:48
Speaker 3: it was nice, and then we came home and I
22:53
Speaker 3: wasn't I was tired. We were in bed. He was like,
22:56
Speaker 3: is it okay if I listen to music while you sleep?
22:58
Speaker 3: But I said, sure, that's fine. He is, uh, he's
23:01
Speaker 3: messaging her in our bed next to me, and he's like,
23:07
Speaker 3: she's like painting or something, I guess, and he's like
23:10
Speaker 3: he's like making a playlist for her. So I hear
23:15
Speaker 3: Jeff Buckley, and I'm like, I know what the fuck
23:16
Speaker 3: is going on? And my body seizes. My body is
23:21
Speaker 3: like what the fuck is he doing doing? It's like
23:26
Speaker 3: go hide in the back room, like go be ashamed
23:28
Speaker 3: of what you're You're right here next to me. That's bold, bro,
23:32
Speaker 3: And also like you don't give up fuck about me? Wow,
23:35
Speaker 3: and like that, you know, I I said something, and
23:41
Speaker 3: he still wouldn't. He still wouldn't say anything. And then
23:44
Speaker 3: he's just like, oh, we're in love. And I've never
23:46
Speaker 3: thought this way about anyone, And it's his coworker, and
23:50
Speaker 3: he works at a very toxic work environment, and you
23:55
Speaker 3: develop feelings. I understand that, Like I could have helped
23:58
Speaker 3: him with this, like he blew up fucking life and
24:01
Speaker 3: just the complete callousness for how that what that would
24:06
Speaker 3: maybe do to my life, like that didn't occur to him.
24:12
Speaker 3: That made me feel so very unsafe, Like I just
24:16
Speaker 3: felt so unsafe because I am I'm mentally I'm I'm
24:19
Speaker 3: very mentally ill, thank you so much, and I'm parenttomania
24:22
Speaker 3: and something like this would make me a manic and
24:25
Speaker 3: I never want to be hospitalized again. So like he
24:27
Speaker 3: he knows that about me. He was with me, you know,
24:30
Speaker 3: throughout my hospitalization, so like he knows about this, this
24:32
Speaker 3: about me. Like so there was just completely no care
24:36
Speaker 3: taken in extra extrapolating himself from me and my life,
24:41
Speaker 3: because there would be many times throughout our relationship where
24:44
Speaker 3: I wasn't living up to his standards and he wanted
24:48
Speaker 3: he wasn't happy, and he wanted to leave, and I
24:50
Speaker 3: would say, all I want is for you to be happy.
24:52
Speaker 3: The door is open. If I'm not making you happy,
24:55
Speaker 3: then please go, and he never did. I had to
24:58
Speaker 3: do it. For him like a fucking coward. And he
25:04
Speaker 3: left and the divorce was swift, and I can't tell
25:08
Speaker 3: you that just the natural glow up. My dad was like,
25:13
Speaker 3: you look about fifteen years younger. Just just by him leaving.
25:19
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I like, you know, he's not
25:22
Speaker 3: like sucking the life out of me anymore. So like
25:25
Speaker 3: I have life in me again, and I do stand up.
25:28
Speaker 3: And I wrote my own you know, I'm a huge
25:31
Speaker 3: Beyonce and obviously Dolly Fantoo, I wrote my own Joline
25:34
Speaker 3: about her. I wrote it in like five minutes. I'm
25:38
Speaker 3: so proud of it, so funny, like it just was
25:41
Speaker 3: this this liberation because I just never had the energy
25:47
Speaker 3: or the time, and he just took it. He just
25:51
Speaker 3: stole it from me, sucked it out of me. And
25:56
Speaker 3: him being gone and me being able to not put
26:00
Speaker 3: the dishes away right sometimes or not put my mail
26:03
Speaker 3: away in the way that's the way he wanted me to.
26:06
Speaker 3: Like these were his beats with me, Like you were
26:09
Speaker 3: an abusive alcoholic and you cheated on me multiple times.
26:13
Speaker 3: But I'm the piece of shit here, Okay, cool? So
26:19
Speaker 3: I yeah, I you know, I've had so many people say, like,
26:22
Speaker 3: you know, you are kind of endorse like your blow
26:27
Speaker 3: up is like an endorsement of divorce. I'm like, I can't,
26:30
Speaker 3: I can't recommend it enough.
26:31
Speaker 2: Well, and I do think that no one. I do
26:34
Speaker 2: think that women get better after a divorce, so sorry,
26:39
Speaker 2: and a breakup we get hotter. I don't know evolution.
26:44
Speaker 2: I don't know evolution, but I think, like there's so
26:47
Speaker 2: much she said about like okay, like what we do
26:53
Speaker 2: in the Shadows, right, that's that Vampire show. They have
26:56
Speaker 2: the Energy Vampire. He's the funniest character on the show.
26:59
Speaker 2: It's a funny. And that's what happens with the babies
27:05
Speaker 2: who are grown men who don't take accountability for their
27:08
Speaker 2: own happiness and their own feelings, is that they're just
27:12
Speaker 2: sucking the fun right out of a room, and you're
27:16
Speaker 2: peddling a bike that cannot move to try and be like, okay,
27:20
Speaker 2: I'm gonna little bit dishwash requests. I'm going to make
27:23
Speaker 2: sure that we go see the movie that he wants
27:26
Speaker 2: to see opening weekend, make the dinner. We're always going
27:30
Speaker 2: to Taco Bell because he prefers it over you know,
27:34
Speaker 2: McDonald's or whatever. And it's never enough, is what I've
27:40
Speaker 2: been told it's never enough. They're always unhappy, and when
27:45
Speaker 2: you are the only person that's supposed to be making
27:48
Speaker 2: them happy, that you're only gone and you fail at
27:50
Speaker 2: it every day and they never say, hey, today you
27:53
Speaker 2: got it right. Thanks for getting me chocolate to ice cream.
27:57
Speaker 2: It's so damaging to your rain and your self esteem.
28:02
Speaker 3: It's it's infuriating I have. I didn't you know. I
28:07
Speaker 3: was never never felt like I had permission to be angry.
28:13
Speaker 3: I didn't realize that until I started therapy at thirty
28:15
Speaker 3: years old. No, you're allowed to be angry about that.
28:18
Speaker 3: I was like, I am, thank you, I'm really agree.
28:20
Speaker 3: So when he left, like the rage inside of me,
28:25
Speaker 3: just the rage that someone I let someone like that
28:29
Speaker 3: diminish me, and the way that he did, I wanted
28:32
Speaker 3: to set everything on fucking fire. I was so angry
28:38
Speaker 3: that I let a man dim met that way. I
28:45
Speaker 3: don't know if you watched The Valley when, of course
28:47
Speaker 3: I want Brittany, you took that sparkle, you took away
28:51
Speaker 3: my sparkle, raw and hail.
28:55
Speaker 2: Obviously I would possibly get at hell Cat to Woh
29:01
Speaker 2: my god, Rob.
29:02
Speaker 3: Hale, I love it. I love it.
29:06
Speaker 2: You're problematic ass.
29:07
Speaker 3: I'm rooting. I'm rooting what Britney had been. What were
29:13
Speaker 3: I not being weighted down by this constant suck that
29:20
Speaker 3: was I was never going It was never going to
29:22
Speaker 3: be enough. It was never going to be satisfying.
29:26
Speaker 2: And if we're talking, and Bravo believe me, I love
29:28
Speaker 2: to talk about it. I think the person who just
29:31
Speaker 2: narrowly escaped Britney's fate was one Page Disorbo like Queen
29:35
Speaker 2: and my idol, she's.
29:38
Speaker 3: Known her worse. I think it's more Katie.
29:42
Speaker 2: Oh Katie and Tom also, Oh Katie Maloney knows we
29:45
Speaker 2: love her on this podcast because I clipped it and
29:48
Speaker 2: tagged her and she went, thank you so much. I
29:51
Speaker 2: was like, you're welcome. You win. That post divorce blow
29:55
Speaker 2: up might be why I came out of the closet.
29:58
Speaker 3: So I was like, you're hot, Like your haircut is
30:00
Speaker 3: so hot? Am I bisexual? No, Sadly, I'm not Sadly,
30:05
Speaker 3: I really like a hairy chest. Spert Rental's fault, I think.
30:10
Speaker 2: Probably, And that was also propaganda that we were.
30:14
Speaker 3: The fucking Reagan era anyway.
30:16
Speaker 2: But Page was in a relationship again where it was
30:21
Speaker 2: almost like Craig kept making her believe that he was
30:24
Speaker 2: making the sacrifices and the concessions because she didn't want
30:28
Speaker 2: to have his baby. But literally, it was her running
30:33
Speaker 2: rampant to make that up to him. And I could
30:37
Speaker 2: see it because I know that relationship dynamic. But people
30:42
Speaker 2: who don't understand that that's what emotional abuse looks like,
30:46
Speaker 2: and that's what like mental abuse looks like, they just
30:49
Speaker 2: see it and they go, well, Page should have walked
30:51
Speaker 2: away if she didn't want to have a baby, depth
30:53
Speaker 2: telling her like, he's just being honest with his duck
30:56
Speaker 2: in these feelings. And it's like, I have had so
31:00
Speaker 2: many men who don't like me dating for the like
31:03
Speaker 2: social standing that comes with dating me. I have a
31:06
Speaker 2: love of friends, I'm very charming, I know how to
31:08
Speaker 2: work a room. It is an asset to be on
31:11
Speaker 2: my arm. But I would call my mom and my
31:15
Speaker 2: aunt and be like, I don't think he likes me,
31:18
Speaker 2: Like he says things to me in private that make
31:22
Speaker 2: me believe that he doesn't actually like me, and I
31:26
Speaker 2: believe that we're on the opposite sides of the culture war,
31:29
Speaker 2: and my mom and my aunt would just be like,
31:32
Speaker 2: I don't know, is he really being mean or are
31:36
Speaker 2: you reading into it? I do feel like women in
31:39
Speaker 2: our age bracket and younger are getting better at spotting it,
31:44
Speaker 2: But I still think that when you're in it, it's
31:47
Speaker 2: so hard.
31:48
Speaker 3: I once had like.
31:48
Speaker 2: A friend told me that she made a list of
31:50
Speaker 2: all the mean things that her boyfriend used to say
31:53
Speaker 2: to her, and she'd tell herself things like when it
31:55
Speaker 2: gets to twenty five, I'll stop, I'll break up with them.
31:59
Speaker 2: And I'm like, why would be twenty five?
32:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like if you if you feel like you have
32:04
Speaker 3: to make a list, I think you can call it there. Yeah,
32:07
Speaker 3: I would. There would be.
32:09
Speaker 5: Like like we had a we had a like a
32:12
Speaker 5: shared language and a shared culture, and we we're very
32:16
Speaker 5: much enmeshed in each other in that way, and it's
32:20
Speaker 5: difficult to untangle from disentangle from that.
32:23
Speaker 3: But also like because of the the audacity of the
32:28
Speaker 3: way in which it ended, like it's Latin, like you
32:32
Speaker 3: killed it, it's killed, It's done well.
32:35
Speaker 2: And also, my family's love language is sarcasm. Okay, so
32:40
Speaker 2: when you're a kid that grows up and the love
32:42
Speaker 2: language is talking shit about what's the other and neggan
32:47
Speaker 2: in sarcasm, you honestly think that people who were late
32:52
Speaker 2: in telling you to their face, to your face that
32:54
Speaker 2: they don't like you, but they're gonna keep fucking you.
32:58
Speaker 2: That they're like, You're like, oh, that's joke. What a
33:00
Speaker 2: fun dynamic? Am That's a lot?
33:04
Speaker 3: Would yeah, like I'm a literal I'm hilarious, but like
33:09
Speaker 3: I also like, I'm never someone who, unless they really
33:14
Speaker 3: deserve it, like makes jokes at the expense of others,
33:18
Speaker 3: Like I don't. I think it's I think it's really
33:22
Speaker 3: reductive and easy to just insult someone unless we're roasting.
33:26
Speaker 3: And that's differently, that's not my bag at all. Let's
33:29
Speaker 3: say that for I say that for drag mades, but
33:31
Speaker 3: he would there would be times where I be where
33:33
Speaker 3: I would be like, I would love to challenge you
33:37
Speaker 3: to make a joke that's not at my expense. I
33:41
Speaker 3: would say that all the time. I'd be like, Okay,
33:43
Speaker 3: I was like a challenge, like, just try to make
33:46
Speaker 3: a joke where I am not the punchline or or
33:50
Speaker 3: my actions or the way I speak. I would just
33:53
Speaker 3: I would just I would really just encourage that for
33:56
Speaker 3: you as a way to grow as a ye as
33:59
Speaker 3: a as a humorist. It's a trip tiller.
34:03
Speaker 2: As a lover of comedy. Yeah, let's try a fun
34:07
Speaker 2: little experiment.
34:08
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just try just every once in a while.
34:10
Speaker 3: Maybe out of five of them, one or two of
34:13
Speaker 3: them can be not that's not the setup.
34:16
Speaker 2: Well, and also I applaud your maturity for actually addressing it,
34:21
Speaker 2: because my defense mechanism is to go Kendrick Lamara and
34:25
Speaker 2: be better at at it than them, Like, oh, you're
34:27
Speaker 2: gonna tell a mean joke about me. Okay, someone's going
34:31
Speaker 2: to bed crying tonight. It will not be me. I
34:34
Speaker 2: am so mean. What I need to be I can't.
34:37
Speaker 3: I can be. And he didn't really experience that until
34:44
Speaker 3: after the end of the relationship. There was a period
34:47
Speaker 3: where we were speaking on the phone for maybe a
34:51
Speaker 3: couple of weeks until I heard something that he did
34:54
Speaker 3: to a friend of his and I'm just like, oh
34:56
Speaker 3: my god, you're fucked up, Like you're fucked up for
35:00
Speaker 3: saying I don't want to talk to you anymore, and
35:05
Speaker 3: not because of what he did to me, because of
35:07
Speaker 3: when he did somebody else. And I'm like, that's something
35:09
Speaker 3: that we need to talk about. Therapy, Megan, So I
35:13
Speaker 3: was giving it to him and he was I remember
35:18
Speaker 3: him saying It's like this is really mean and hard
35:20
Speaker 3: to hear, but it's also like so funny. I was like, yeah,
35:25
Speaker 3: I know this is my power, so yeah, sorry, I'm
35:31
Speaker 3: hilarious and brilliant and a sweetie pie. I would have
35:35
Speaker 3: never done this while we were married, but now that
35:39
Speaker 3: you know, I want to set you. I want to
35:42
Speaker 3: set you aflame. I'll do it over the phone with words,
35:45
Speaker 3: but like now nothing so I There's been two moments
35:48
Speaker 3: where I have seen him out and they were both
35:53
Speaker 3: at Kim Deal concerts. The first one was the Readers
35:58
Speaker 3: and that was last summer, and I saw him before
36:04
Speaker 3: he saw me. And this happened the second time as well,
36:09
Speaker 3: and I was just like, I need him to know
36:12
Speaker 3: that I'm here because so that he can act, so
36:18
Speaker 3: he can disappear stay away from me. But also it's
36:21
Speaker 3: kind of like the last time, which was at the
36:24
Speaker 3: Kindal Show a couple of weeks ago, he came in
36:28
Speaker 3: at the same time, like I saw the back of
36:29
Speaker 3: his head, I saw his hat and I was like,
36:31
Speaker 3: that's his fucking hat. I know who this is. And
36:33
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck, he's here, okay. And the Tallly
36:36
Speaker 3: Hall is much smaller than Salt shed, which is where
36:39
Speaker 3: I saw all the readers, and so it would have
36:42
Speaker 3: been much easier for us to see each other. So
36:45
Speaker 3: like I saw him first, I was like, Okay, I
36:48
Speaker 3: know he's here. I sat down, and he's right in
36:51
Speaker 3: my view unbeknownst to him, I'm guessing, and he's with
36:57
Speaker 3: a woman and he's like nestling. He's short, and he's
37:02
Speaker 3: nezzling his head in her neck. And I'm like, I
37:05
Speaker 3: don't need to fucking see this, or I don't need
37:07
Speaker 3: to fucking see this, because I said, it's so easy
37:10
Speaker 3: for you. I'm so glad it's so easy for you that,
37:12
Speaker 3: like you weren't severely traumatized by the gender that you're
37:17
Speaker 3: attracted to, so like you can just get back on
37:19
Speaker 3: there and the bar is so low that you know, well,
37:24
Speaker 3: he's not a total piece of shit from what I
37:26
Speaker 3: can tell, it should be fine, you know, and like
37:29
Speaker 3: you can get women to have sex with you, Like
37:31
Speaker 3: I love that that it's so easy for you. So
37:34
Speaker 3: but I needed to know that, like him, to know,
37:36
Speaker 3: like I'm there. So I go get a drink at
37:40
Speaker 3: the bar and then I walk. I don't want to
37:43
Speaker 3: see him. I don't want to make eye contacts, but
37:46
Speaker 3: he needs to know I'm there, kind of like I
37:48
Speaker 3: have a gun. I am the gun. I'm the boom
37:53
Speaker 3: boom gun to quote she a gun. So I was
37:57
Speaker 3: like fifteen feet in front of him and then he
38:02
Speaker 3: was gone. I was like, great, great, enjoy my night.
38:08
Speaker 3: And then in the morning I was checking my stories
38:12
Speaker 3: to see if somebody else was looking at my stories.
38:15
Speaker 3: Not him, someone else because I blocked him. To hell.
38:18
Speaker 2: Here's the thing I love looking at who looks up
38:21
Speaker 2: my story?
38:22
Speaker 6: Curious?
38:23
Speaker 3: I was scarous. I'm scarou whos checking out there? Someone's
38:25
Speaker 3: checking out? And I'm like, why are you checking well?
38:27
Speaker 2: And sometimes I like see you being looking and I'm like,
38:29
Speaker 2: I actually reach out to that person. They would have
38:32
Speaker 2: really enjoyed that night. Like sometimes it's cute that I'm
38:36
Speaker 2: constantly checking who will.
38:38
Speaker 3: Tell my story, Like who's who's taking me? So anyway,
38:42
Speaker 3: I saw one of his accounts that I guess I
38:45
Speaker 3: didn't block. Look would looked at my fucking stories that night.
38:50
Speaker 3: I've never seen it before. He was probably thinking, oh,
38:54
Speaker 3: she wrote some mick insidiary thing about me because I
38:58
Speaker 3: was there with a woman. It's like, no, bitch, I
39:02
Speaker 3: wrote it on a set, I tell it to people
39:06
Speaker 3: on a stage, I'm get paid, and then I'm going
39:11
Speaker 3: to film it and then I'm gonna have a clip
39:13
Speaker 3: and then I'll put that on the internet. But no,
39:16
Speaker 3: I'm not. I'm not doing that for Pitoley's stories. I
39:19
Speaker 3: don't talk about my life like that. I'm so sure
39:22
Speaker 3: I turned it into art to make people laugh.
39:27
Speaker 2: I'm so glady that you said art because I was
39:29
Speaker 2: like content, No Natley.
39:31
Speaker 3: Art, start and don't make content.
39:33
Speaker 2: I make no Nati art screen writer.
39:39
Speaker 3: That's right.
39:41
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's talk about we know he's the problem.
39:44
Speaker 2: I logged in knowing he was the problem. All of
39:46
Speaker 2: the holerators knew he was the problem. That's why they're here.
39:52
Speaker 2: But let's talk about future problems. What is it? What
39:56
Speaker 2: is your biggest block when it comes to Unfortunately, just
40:01
Speaker 2: like Sabrina Carpenter, I am attracted to men, I desperately
40:06
Speaker 2: don't want to spend time with them. Is it a
40:10
Speaker 2: mostly the trauma from your ex be how hyper where
40:14
Speaker 2: we are currently of patriarchy, racism, capitalism and everything else
40:19
Speaker 2: that's killing us see the Man of Sphere, see all
40:26
Speaker 2: of the above.
40:28
Speaker 3: Well, I think for me personal, I mean that stuff
40:30
Speaker 3: is always going to exist. I've known. I keep getting
40:34
Speaker 3: reminded how misogynists the world is in all different kinds
40:39
Speaker 3: of ways. So like I've already know, I've been knowing that.
40:42
Speaker 3: So that's not yeah, And like the Man of Sphere,
40:47
Speaker 3: I would hope to God that anyone that I would
40:49
Speaker 3: be interested in who would be interested in me.
40:52
Speaker 2: No, Megan, that's the biggest trick of a part of that.
40:55
Speaker 3: I wanted to write a like a horror short about
40:57
Speaker 3: a woman who sees that her partner is like fortune
41:02
Speaker 3: or something.
41:02
Speaker 2: No, why do you asshort you? And I could come
41:04
Speaker 2: write an entire movie because when I say that, I
41:07
Speaker 2: also lull myself into some false sense of insecurity where
41:11
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm so witchy and I'm so liberal and
41:15
Speaker 2: I'm so gay friendly, flash queer, i am queer. That
41:21
Speaker 2: a part of the man Who's gonna love Joe rouguae
41:24
Speaker 2: want it love me? No, they think it's it's part
41:27
Speaker 2: of the game. Like they love it. They love it.
41:30
Speaker 2: They don't like their tradwives, they don't like the women
41:33
Speaker 2: that they've bread to be the people that they want.
41:36
Speaker 2: They don't like them. They're bored. I don't look at
41:40
Speaker 2: your faith. You should be more scared of the man
41:42
Speaker 2: as here like me.
41:44
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm scared of all of it, But I
41:47
Speaker 3: think for me personally, you know, like I, like I said,
41:49
Speaker 3: I was in my twenties during the two thousands. I knew,
41:54
Speaker 3: I knew what little regard you know, the man I
41:57
Speaker 3: was fucking had for me and women in general. Like,
42:00
Speaker 3: I'm pretty aware of it, but I know, I think
42:03
Speaker 3: it's really just it's I really do think it's a.
42:05
Speaker 3: I really do think it's really just I like, I
42:09
Speaker 3: don't want anybody in my house.
42:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very fresh, and like you said, like your
42:13
Speaker 2: emotional and mental core was back, and then you're just
42:17
Speaker 2: supposed to hand your trust over to somebody. You you
42:20
Speaker 2: don't get to have my address. You you don't get
42:23
Speaker 2: to meet my cat. You my cat's so said A
42:26
Speaker 2: meaning losers can tell me every night before I go
42:31
Speaker 2: to bed, and you cannot meet one more loser. You're done.
42:35
Speaker 2: You're done.
42:38
Speaker 3: Right anyway. And she did love him, but he's gone now.
42:43
Speaker 2: But you know also, okay, so this is also my
42:46
Speaker 2: conspiracy theory. I'm still back on the manosphere. This is
42:49
Speaker 2: my crazy conspiracy theory, and I say this to all
42:54
Speaker 2: of my friends today. I want to give the doubt
42:58
Speaker 2: on whether or not. Oh, I was just talking about
43:01
Speaker 2: it with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelcey because his GQ
43:05
Speaker 2: and I'm sorry, law wrote I know that you if
43:09
Speaker 2: you want to call me as to why this is
43:11
Speaker 2: the direction you went, please, But.
43:14
Speaker 3: I think he was I think he was trilling.
43:16
Speaker 2: I hope so, because I was like why, I was like,
43:20
Speaker 2: this whole shoot is giving. Where was Travis on January sixth?
43:24
Speaker 2: I think it's very enough by said hat.
43:27
Speaker 3: I think it's I think it's a goof.
43:28
Speaker 2: I think I think I was laughing. I was scared,
43:31
Speaker 2: you can't do that to us. But then my friend
43:36
Speaker 2: was like, also he has Trump for friends, and it
43:37
Speaker 2: was like, because this is what it is. Men don't
43:40
Speaker 2: actually think that hard about who they're in bed with,
43:44
Speaker 2: who their parents are, who their friends are. White men,
43:47
Speaker 2: they get the privilege to not hair because it's like,
43:51
Speaker 2: who cares what my friend votes for. I'm still gonna win,
43:56
Speaker 2: And that's why they always get to throw back and
43:58
Speaker 2: it's we can have the difference of the pin, right, Well,
44:00
Speaker 2: of course you can have a differenive opinion. You don't
44:03
Speaker 2: care that I believe in gay marriage, because it will
44:05
Speaker 2: never affect whether or not you can get married. That'll
44:08
Speaker 2: be whether or not I can get married. So yeah,
44:11
Speaker 2: it only ever works out in your favor. So that's
44:15
Speaker 2: why you know you gotta constantly be flashed up for
44:18
Speaker 2: the band of this year because they're never actually thinking
44:21
Speaker 2: about whether or not it matters if you believe people
44:24
Speaker 2: of color are people who deserve rights, and they don't.
44:27
Speaker 2: They're like, why does that matter? It's all just getting
44:30
Speaker 2: dick right, We're just going to Spider Man. It's so gross.
44:37
Speaker 3: I just I I want to think better. I want
44:43
Speaker 3: I want them to think better. I feel like this
44:46
Speaker 3: is all coming to a head, Like this can't continue
44:51
Speaker 3: for much longer, Like this is the clarion call of
44:54
Speaker 3: all of all of that shit going away.
44:57
Speaker 2: But also like it fascinates with me that they saw
45:02
Speaker 2: the writing on the walls, that they that we were
45:04
Speaker 2: so sick of their bullshit, and instead of becoming better people,
45:07
Speaker 2: they doubled down and made like Matt Rife.
45:09
Speaker 3: Their God, did you see that Elf Cosmetics nod that
45:15
Speaker 3: he's in with Heidi and closet from drag Race?
45:18
Speaker 2: No, why is Matt Rice in a cosmetic ad.
45:21
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know when this airs, but
45:23
Speaker 3: I just saw it today for the first time, so
45:26
Speaker 3: this will probably be old news by then. It probably
45:29
Speaker 3: is old news right now.
45:30
Speaker 2: But like his.
45:32
Speaker 3: Not to looks shame, But what.
45:36
Speaker 2: Did he and they put in next to drag icons?
45:40
Speaker 2: Is that what you just said?
45:42
Speaker 3: Heidi and closet?
45:43
Speaker 2: Oh? Okay from drag Race?
45:44
Speaker 3: Yeah?
45:45
Speaker 2: Drag Race, Yeah.
45:47
Speaker 3: No, she belongs in the elf cosmetics ad.
45:50
Speaker 2: She sure does, and she should have gone gag him
45:54
Speaker 2: off my set? Why would you do that? El answer
45:56
Speaker 2: for your crime social crime?
45:59
Speaker 3: He looks like he has like the latex face over
46:02
Speaker 3: his face.
46:03
Speaker 2: I hate him so much, and this is why I
46:05
Speaker 2: hate him, because he made women believe that he was
46:08
Speaker 2: on their side with his first friend of comedy, got
46:11
Speaker 2: famous off the backs of women, and then made an
46:14
Speaker 2: entire netflik special making fun of women liking him.
46:19
Speaker 3: That that was the criticism. I don't like him because
46:24
Speaker 3: I hate crowd work as you as your one thing.
46:27
Speaker 3: I'm like, you need to fucking get to writing, like
46:30
Speaker 3: this is about writing and you are relying on free labor.
46:36
Speaker 2: Okay, this is my conspiracy, So I have a science
46:39
Speaker 2: conspiracy theory, and it could be why before I realized
46:43
Speaker 2: that I actually wanted to date women, I was like,
46:46
Speaker 2: I definitely want to stop sleeping with men for a while.
46:50
Speaker 2: The thing that scares me the most about dating and
46:53
Speaker 2: sleeping with men, even though I went to the Tyler
46:55
Speaker 2: Hilton One Tree Hill concert and was very attracted to him,
47:00
Speaker 2: he was so funny and charming, and I was like, oopsie,
47:03
Speaker 2: that's the first time I felt like I entertain a man.
47:07
Speaker 2: Is because I feel like the moment that a man
47:11
Speaker 2: feels a little bit of imprest in me and then
47:14
Speaker 2: touches me in a way that I like, my body
47:17
Speaker 2: does the rest of the gas light work for him.
47:21
Speaker 2: Like it's like, oh, we like that, the dopamine, ooh,
47:24
Speaker 2: the hormones. And I have to imagine it's an evolution
47:28
Speaker 2: thing to make us keep sucking them, so we have
47:30
Speaker 2: so we like continue the species. But I can I
47:34
Speaker 2: can literally feel the fog lift as soon as a
47:36
Speaker 2: man like leaves my house and then I'm like, I
47:39
Speaker 2: don't even think I like him that much. And then
47:41
Speaker 2: he comes back and my body's like, ooh, the dopamine, ooh,
47:44
Speaker 2: the hormones. We love him. I mean, it's quite possible.
47:49
Speaker 2: So that's why I was like, how do I go cold?
47:52
Speaker 3: Care bodies are betraying us? Yeah, I uh, I mean
47:57
Speaker 3: that was very much me in my twenties. I would
47:59
Speaker 3: be like, oh, you looked at me. I love you.
48:01
Speaker 3: It's like girl.
48:03
Speaker 2: And then, because I've never been married, I went through
48:05
Speaker 2: it again after the pandemic because I was what Gray's
48:08
Speaker 2: anatime eventually taught me touch starved, which was a medical
48:12
Speaker 2: condition I guess we had after It's.
48:15
Speaker 3: A real thing. I get massages once a month now
48:18
Speaker 3: because I'm like, God, I need someone, not in a
48:22
Speaker 3: creepy way, like not in a sexual way, but like
48:25
Speaker 3: I just need to feel that because I'm not seeking
48:29
Speaker 3: it in other ways.
48:31
Speaker 2: And I do go through such big gaps between relationships
48:36
Speaker 2: because like I'm so loud and abrasive and I just
48:43
Speaker 2: feel like dating was never going to be my skill set.
48:47
Speaker 2: But I do go between like gaps that I probably
48:51
Speaker 2: a touch starved a lot of the time. And that's
48:54
Speaker 2: why I made friends that were okay with hugging. I
48:57
Speaker 2: was like, what if we hug so I don't say
49:01
Speaker 2: losers because my body is never lit up by the humans.
49:05
Speaker 3: Gave me like my cat, Like it's the saddest thing
49:08
Speaker 3: I said, Like my cat is very affectionate with me,
49:11
Speaker 3: but like that's not a substitute, and it's different. It's
49:15
Speaker 3: very different, and it can't be that can't be enough,
49:21
Speaker 3: you know, Like I'm going to need eventually to get
49:29
Speaker 3: late late again. I have a bombis pussy and I'm
49:32
Speaker 3: I'm depriving the world of it. I mean, very selfish,
49:36
Speaker 3: pop it out there, like I want. I just would
49:40
Speaker 3: love I talk about this in one of my sets,
49:43
Speaker 3: like I would love nothing more than just to make
49:46
Speaker 3: eyes at a man and just like go behind the
49:52
Speaker 3: bar and just go to town on each other and
49:55
Speaker 3: then just and then and shake hands and walk away
49:58
Speaker 3: like I'm not Yeah, I'm not interested in getting to
50:02
Speaker 3: know you. I'm not interested in your origin story. I
50:07
Speaker 3: don't want to know your lore. I don't I could
50:09
Speaker 3: not be bothered to give a fuck. I don't care.
50:13
Speaker 3: But I do want to feel your body on me.
50:15
Speaker 2: I would like that. What if you reverse engineer Kinder,
50:19
Speaker 2: You're the one holding the giant fish in front of
50:22
Speaker 2: a boat, You're the boy. You take it back. I'm
50:26
Speaker 2: the captain now, and you start fucking people are not
50:30
Speaker 2: calling them back.
50:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this and like the profiles are like the
50:33
Speaker 3: most minimal non answers, just no effort whatsoever.
50:40
Speaker 2: Because eventually you can save the world. Okay, eventually Ruin
50:44
Speaker 2: enough therapy and enough time between this divorce will start
50:47
Speaker 2: saving the world again. I don't don't worry about that
50:50
Speaker 2: right now. I think you should reverse engineering you become
50:53
Speaker 2: the fuck boy.
50:54
Speaker 3: That'd be great.
50:56
Speaker 2: I think that's incredibly feminism. That's equality, I think so.
51:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I wouldn't be disrespectful. I would be and
51:06
Speaker 3: I should be really honest about my intentions.
51:10
Speaker 2: I think it should be like a stuffed fish, like
51:12
Speaker 2: a like a stuffed animal that you can get a
51:15
Speaker 2: passed from fast, like a plushy. Yeah, they make real
51:19
Speaker 2: realistic ones at bass Prow and you just part of
51:22
Speaker 2: like Michigan's fake ass fish like a marlin.
51:28
Speaker 3: This ship in like Michigan caught a marlin.
51:31
Speaker 2: And what are some others stupid? Put on basketball shorts
51:35
Speaker 2: and stand with like eighteen of your other indistinguishable friends.
51:40
Speaker 3: So I will figure out what you are amazing amazing,
51:46
Speaker 3: I mean, I wish do you know what Sniffy's is? Well,
51:52
Speaker 3: when misogyny is vanquished, we'll get to have sniffies. It's
51:57
Speaker 3: it's it's a it's a it's a hookup app, but
52:00
Speaker 3: it's you know, grinder. You know you at least get
52:05
Speaker 3: some sort of conversation or like a face or body picture.
52:09
Speaker 3: This is basically a glory whole situation, like a digital
52:13
Speaker 3: glory hole, or like my whole will be here, come
52:20
Speaker 3: fill it with a load, okay bye? Like I would
52:22
Speaker 3: love to be able to do that as a straight
52:25
Speaker 3: woman and not get you know, raped or murdered. Like
52:28
Speaker 3: that would be so amazing. Just be like, hey, come
52:30
Speaker 3: film a whole okay bye, and like that just be
52:33
Speaker 3: the exchange. That would be so cool.
52:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, Because while we are being live about reverse engineering
52:39
Speaker 2: dating and actually becoming the puck boy nightmares, we know
52:44
Speaker 2: that we can't fully commit to the bit because of
52:48
Speaker 2: our personal safety, because I have friends they've ruined it.
52:57
Speaker 3: I'm like, you could get you could get a cornucopia
53:02
Speaker 3: of all kinds of pussy if you were just chill
53:07
Speaker 3: about it, if.
53:09
Speaker 2: You were just social and like just like us enough
53:13
Speaker 2: to allow us to continue to breathe.
53:16
Speaker 3: Or it could be like it could be a mutual
53:19
Speaker 3: mutually benefit official transactional objectification and and and and but
53:25
Speaker 3: we know the score. If you don't have to have
53:28
Speaker 3: the guys of like, oh, I'm taking you to dinner,
53:31
Speaker 3: or like I have to hear about your sales job
53:34
Speaker 3: or all this. I don't fucking care. You don't care,
53:37
Speaker 3: you don't care about me. I don't care about you.
53:39
Speaker 3: Let's get to biz. And I'm sure that there are
53:43
Speaker 3: ways in which I could go about finding something like
53:47
Speaker 3: that for me, But just the.
53:54
Speaker 2: The the.
53:56
Speaker 3: What I would have to do, Like, I don't take
53:59
Speaker 3: pictures in myself very often. I try to take selfies,
54:03
Speaker 3: but I feel like God has shaming me for attempting
54:06
Speaker 3: to be like have vanity or something. And I'm like,
54:09
Speaker 3: because I know they never look good. I'm like this,
54:11
Speaker 3: this looks horrible. I don't look like but I think
54:14
Speaker 3: I'm adorable, like I think I'm super cute in the mirror.
54:17
Speaker 3: I just I don't feel like I photographed well or
54:20
Speaker 3: I need to be taught how to do that. So
54:23
Speaker 3: I would need to take photos. I would have to
54:26
Speaker 3: have a photo shoot. I would have to come up
54:29
Speaker 3: with pithy things. And I I because for myself, because
54:34
Speaker 3: that would be the standard except for myself. And I
54:37
Speaker 3: know that nobody else is doing that. None of these
54:39
Speaker 3: men are doing that.
54:41
Speaker 2: All right, Megan, I think we're ready for closing out tradition.
54:46
Speaker 2: What do you think is the biggest lesson you learned
54:49
Speaker 2: about losing problem, not about but from losing your attraction
54:53
Speaker 2: to men due to your divorce.
54:55
Speaker 3: I think I learned what real liberation.
55:03
Speaker 2: Can feel like, and.
55:08
Speaker 3: The fury that I had that I had, You know,
55:13
Speaker 3: I thought a partner would be there to like support
55:17
Speaker 3: you and build you up and make you the best
55:22
Speaker 3: version of yourself, and that just wasn't happening for either
55:28
Speaker 3: of us. And I don't know what his deal is now,
55:31
Speaker 3: and I really don't give a shit, But I know
55:35
Speaker 3: for me that we should never have been together, and
55:42
Speaker 3: that I don't know if I should ever have been
55:46
Speaker 3: married to anybody. This whole thing was his idea, and
55:49
Speaker 3: I went along with it, and I know from now
55:56
Speaker 3: on there is absolutely no one worth sacrificing your sense
56:06
Speaker 3: of peace, your self love, your love of self, and
56:12
Speaker 3: your ability to like be your most authentic to walk
56:16
Speaker 3: in the world like your most honest, authentic self like
56:19
Speaker 3: I didn't. I felt like I was walking on eggshells
56:24
Speaker 3: all the time, to the point where I just was like,
56:27
Speaker 3: I won't walk at all. I just won't because i
56:30
Speaker 3: would rather just not take a chance because I'm afraid
56:34
Speaker 3: of fucking up, and fucking up is part of everything,
56:39
Speaker 3: like you fucking up is part of it.
56:41
Speaker 2: I wish that listen, you're about to turger me. This
56:45
Speaker 2: is something that I've already talked about today where I'm like,
56:47
Speaker 2: the whole point of being artists is that we fuck
56:50
Speaker 2: up and we take risks. That's the whole point. That's
56:54
Speaker 2: the whole point. So how dare anyone try to tell
56:56
Speaker 2: us not too?
56:57
Speaker 3: And he's an artist, he's an artist. He's an artist.
57:01
Speaker 3: But it was always about like his projects, like you know,
57:05
Speaker 3: I you know, I was constantly looking at his revisions
57:08
Speaker 3: or like looking at his things, and he was constantly
57:10
Speaker 3: asking for my opinion or my feedback. But I had
57:13
Speaker 3: to be so careful at how I would give it
57:15
Speaker 3: to him. He would get mad at me if I
57:18
Speaker 3: didn't say it the right way, and I'm like, well,
57:21
Speaker 3: then don't ask me how about Like it was, it
57:25
Speaker 3: was so egregious, it was so obnoxious and exhausting, and
57:31
Speaker 3: and having that evaporate is such a relief. I feel
57:39
Speaker 3: so much relief and if you're with someone and they
57:47
Speaker 3: are bogging you down in any way or dimming you
57:53
Speaker 3: your light, like and not letting you be you're messy, complicated,
58:02
Speaker 3: chaotic self, then like not only like it, maybe not
58:07
Speaker 3: even like it's not compatible, but just like it's bad.
58:11
Speaker 3: A lifetime of solitude.
58:12
Speaker 2: Is better than that, correct, And I do think that
58:16
Speaker 2: more of us have been bring that out. I think
58:19
Speaker 2: that we're expecting people to show up through our relationships,
58:24
Speaker 2: and we're expecting them to show up and not be
58:30
Speaker 2: another tap on our to do list or another kid
58:33
Speaker 2: to raise or like a lot of the times women
58:37
Speaker 2: are being like what do you put on the what
58:39
Speaker 2: do you bring to the table, And it's like, bitch,
58:41
Speaker 2: I need you to have a table first.
58:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's like, you know, he's he probably I
58:46
Speaker 3: don't know what his what he thinks of me, or
58:50
Speaker 3: what he tells people, And I really don't care because
58:53
Speaker 3: I know I know the truth and I don't care. Yeah,
59:01
Speaker 3: Like people can think whatever the fuck they want. But
59:05
Speaker 3: anytime I have told the story of the night that
59:08
Speaker 3: it ended, the people are like, are you fucking serious?
59:14
Speaker 3: He's just doing it next to you.
59:17
Speaker 6: I think that's crazy, Like that is suck like, go
59:20
Speaker 6: huddle somewhere like be a shamed, be a shamed of yourself,
59:26
Speaker 6: hide it from obscure it a little bit.
59:29
Speaker 2: What would you like to menopast for the general energy,
59:33
Speaker 2: the spirit, whatever you'd like to call it.
59:37
Speaker 3: Well, I would love for my dream of slain patriarchy
59:42
Speaker 3: to come to fruition in a meaningful, full, systemic way. Yeah,
59:49
Speaker 3: the dinosaurs to die and go extinct. I want the
59:56
Speaker 3: people I want you know that poem I want to
59:59
Speaker 3: die for.
1:00:01
Speaker 2: No, I don't know that home.
1:00:03
Speaker 3: I want that who wrote it? Can I read it
1:00:06
Speaker 3: to you?
1:00:06
Speaker 2: Read it to me?
1:00:08
Speaker 3: Okay, this is what I want. I want to Dike
1:00:10
Speaker 3: for president. I want a person with AIDS for president.
1:00:14
Speaker 3: I want a f slur for a vice president. And
1:00:17
Speaker 3: I want someone I don't say that word everyone else
1:00:20
Speaker 3: who can please it reclaim it anyway a vice president.
1:00:24
Speaker 3: I want someone with no health insurance. And I want
1:00:27
Speaker 3: someone who grew up in a place where the earth
1:00:29
Speaker 3: is so saturated with toxic waste they didn't have a
1:00:32
Speaker 3: choice about getting leukemia. I want a president that had
1:00:36
Speaker 3: had an abortion at sixteen. And I want a candidate too,
1:00:40
Speaker 3: who isn't the lesser of two evils, and I want
1:00:42
Speaker 3: a president who lost their last lover to AIDS, who
1:00:45
Speaker 3: still sees that in their eyes every time that they
1:00:49
Speaker 3: lay down to rest, who held their lover in their
1:00:51
Speaker 3: arms and knew they were dying. I want a president
1:00:54
Speaker 3: with no air conditioning. President who's student online at the clinic,
1:00:57
Speaker 3: the DMV, the Welle Force office, and has been unemployed
1:01:00
Speaker 3: and laid off and sexually harassed, day bashed, and deported.
1:01:03
Speaker 3: I want someone who's spent the night in the tombs
1:01:06
Speaker 3: and had a crossburn on their lawn and survived rape.
1:01:10
Speaker 3: I want someone who has been in love and been
1:01:11
Speaker 3: hurt respect sex, who's made mistakes and learned from them.
1:01:15
Speaker 3: I want a black woman for president. I want someone
1:01:18
Speaker 3: with bad teeth, someone who has eaten hospital food, someone
1:01:22
Speaker 3: who cross dresses and has done drugs, have been in therapy.
1:01:25
Speaker 3: I want someone who has committed civil disobedience. I want
1:01:29
Speaker 3: to know why this isn't possible. I want to know
1:01:32
Speaker 3: why we started learning somewhere down the line that a
1:01:34
Speaker 3: president is always a clown, always a john and never
1:01:37
Speaker 3: a hooker, always a hoax, always a boss and never
1:01:41
Speaker 3: a worker, always a liar, always a thief, and never caught.
1:01:45
Speaker 3: That's Zoe. Leonard wrote that I want that. I want
1:01:52
Speaker 3: I want humanity. I mean the people who should be
1:01:56
Speaker 3: leading us and guiding us are the people who need
1:02:01
Speaker 3: to know the margins so that they can best help.
1:02:07
Speaker 3: Because when our you know, our quote unquote lowest person
1:02:11
Speaker 3: is thriving, that means everybody is thriving.
1:02:15
Speaker 2: Megan, thank you so much for coming on the show
1:02:19
Speaker 2: and sharing everything that you shared today about your divorce
1:02:22
Speaker 2: and where you're currently out when it comes to dating.
1:02:25
Speaker 2: I cannot wait to see your one woman show about
1:02:28
Speaker 2: all of the men. Thank you, bag. After I made
1:02:32
Speaker 2: you take a picture with a fake fish in kind
1:02:35
Speaker 2: of like Michigan, amazing.
1:02:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had this. You know. Beyonce is self titled.
1:02:42
Speaker 3: So after it happened, Beyonce blessed me with a lot
1:02:45
Speaker 3: of gifts after that, like psychically I believe, which I'm like,
1:02:49
Speaker 3: you know, I'm a white woman, like please, but like
1:02:53
Speaker 3: they're not for me, but like I will take them.
1:02:54
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
1:02:55
Speaker 2: But she.
1:02:58
Speaker 3: The Black the self title album came up to me
1:03:01
Speaker 3: and I just like Deve Borce, so I made divorce
1:03:04
Speaker 3: t shirts that are in the pink, you know, and
1:03:07
Speaker 3: it's I'm so proud of them and so like, I
1:03:10
Speaker 3: will eventually have a woman's show called Divorce and it
1:03:14
Speaker 3: will be it will be about all of this, So
1:03:17
Speaker 3: it will happen, Natalie, and I would love to have
1:03:19
Speaker 3: you in the front row. Yes.
1:03:21
Speaker 2: Tell everyone where they can follow you so they know
1:03:24
Speaker 2: when the show will happens and they can yes for
1:03:27
Speaker 2: you and your work.
1:03:29
Speaker 3: You can find me on Instagram. I am a licensed Joyologist.
1:03:34
Speaker 3: It's all one word. People who only know me on
1:03:39
Speaker 3: Instagram and then see me like come up to me like, oh, hey, Alice.
1:03:42
Speaker 3: Actually Chelsea, I asked her a message for like, I
1:03:46
Speaker 3: asked her about something and she wrote back She's like,
1:03:48
Speaker 3: hey Alice. I was like, oh, that's not my name.
1:03:51
Speaker 3: My name is Megan, but it's just a license which
1:03:53
Speaker 3: is Alice. And I'm like, yeah, that's so funny that
1:03:55
Speaker 3: you think that. But since then, like three other people
1:03:58
Speaker 3: have done that and I'm like, do I need to
1:03:59
Speaker 3: change it? But I'm not going to. It's a licensed Joyologist.
1:04:03
Speaker 3: It's a both a Molly Shan and a Mister Show
1:04:06
Speaker 3: with Bob and David reference. Just if you were curious
1:04:11
Speaker 3: of where that came from, you can find me there.
1:04:13
Speaker 3: My shows are every month at Sleeping Village in Avondale, Chicago.
1:04:19
Speaker 3: That's where a good guy show is. And then Delightfully
1:04:21
Speaker 3: Unbothered is at the Lincoln Launch every month. And whenever
1:04:26
Speaker 3: this airs, you can just like go to my Instagram
1:04:28
Speaker 3: and I'll be posting about them plugging away.
1:04:32
Speaker 2: That's that's pretty much it, all right, Well, in tolerators,
1:04:36
Speaker 2: you know where to find us and that path. Then
1:04:38
Speaker 2: I've tolerated pod on Instagram to all of the men
1:04:41
Speaker 2: I've tolerated before on YouTube, subscribe to the podcast so
1:04:44
Speaker 2: you never missed a new episode, and follow us on
1:04:47
Speaker 2: TikTok at a K one two four because sometimes I
1:04:51
Speaker 2: post the TikTok on Instagram reels, but sometimes if they're
1:04:55
Speaker 2: just fun for me, I only leave them on digta
1:04:59
Speaker 2: and sometimes YouTube. And remember, tolerators, you don't have to
1:05:04
Speaker 2: smile through anything you're tolerating, including your light being dim
1:05:08
Speaker 2: until it's dimmer, dimmer, fainter, only to look at some
1:05:14
Speaker 2: dude and be like, you ain't even bring a table,
1:05:18
Speaker 2: but you asked me consistently why I wasn't bringing enough
1:05:22
Speaker 2: to the table. Smiles are for going