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How Do You Overcome Your Own Internal Shame? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know that there are lots of things that can pull your attention, and the fact that you want to take a few minutes out of your day to spend here with me, I'm forever grateful.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to talk about shame.
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  SPEAKER_00: This topic of shame has been coming up in client sessions more and more recently.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think part of part of what's happening is we're giving ourselves permission to talk about it more.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I do think that it's an important topic because so often when we are feeling shame or we are experiencing shame, that is when we shut down and we don't allow ourselves to grow in the ways that we need to.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when we are experiencing shame, it's it's because three things are happening.
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  SPEAKER_00: An experience is being dismissed, denied, or we're being gaslit.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that's where shame really, really lives.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's one of the most challenging things to deal with, I think.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's it plays an important role in our behaviors, our beliefs, in how we see ourselves, in how we talk to ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when it is internalized and it becomes chronic and toxic, it absolutely can affect your own self-esteem, your well-being, and your relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: Shame itself is um it's a negative self-conscious um thought process about oneself.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so individuals who are suffering from those feelings of shame are frequently reared in families with insecure attachments that made them feel made them feel safe and abandon abandoned.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, I will say that not all shame happens when we're younger.
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  SPEAKER_00: There are those people who experience shame through their teenage years or through their adult, their adult years.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's important to recognize that if we don't talk about shame, that's what stunts us and keeps us from moving forward.
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  SPEAKER_00: Shame is complex, it can take many forms.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, those of us who struggle with self-doubt, unworthiness, embarrassment, um, inadequacy are um examples of shaming ourselves because those most often are kind of living in the subconscious.
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  SPEAKER_00: We don't always recognize them.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so shame often feels like a sense of inferiority.
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  SPEAKER_00: It feels like there's something wrong with us.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, it can take the form of depression or anger.
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  SPEAKER_00: Anger is a secondary emotion that that's frequently a defense mechanism that to masks some other emotions that might be there.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when we're experiencing shame, we actually start to experience a deep sense of discomfort, and there's usually a desire to shut people out or not let people in.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we when we're experiencing shame, there is this um arm's length idea that happens in the subconscious as well, and and there is a feeling of wanting to potentially isolate yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, again, it's trying to get this all understand it from a deeper level, because there is a difference between shame and guilt.
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  SPEAKER_00: Guilt is I have maybe done something wrong and I can make amends for it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Shame takes this perspective of there is actually something wrong with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so we do experience shame in different situations.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can experience shame when we feel criticized or judged by others, we can feel shame if we are spoken to in a certain way when we're children, and if our parents tell us that, you know, we're a piece of trash or we're no good or we're not good enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: Those are those are experiences and messages that we can internalize and create internal shame around.
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  SPEAKER_00: When we do something wrong or hurt someone or fail to live up to your own ethical standards, it can be a form of shame.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when we do something wrong that we can make make amends for, we might feel guilty.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, if we think that we have done something wrong that actually makes us a bad person, and we don't, we're a failure and we're failing to live up to those standards that we have for ourselves, that can lean into shame.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So when normal shame becomes excessive or persistent, that can actually what that's what people refer to as toxic or toxic shame.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: So again, I really want to emphasize the difference between guilt and shame.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: The term guilt and shame get used so interchangeably, so it's just important for us to understand again that guilt typically arises when we realize we've we've made a mistake and we can make amends for it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Shame, on the other hand, is not limited to just behaviors, it actually includes a negative view of who we are as an individual.
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  SPEAKER_00: It it shame takes the the idea and the premise that there is absolutely there's actually something wrong with us.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's important to just pay attention to this because shame can actually cause extraordinary amounts of stress and distress.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can cause us to uh see ourselves in such a negative way that we actually um don't engage in relationships um or we pull back from potentially moving forward on a professional level because if we actually believe that there's something wrong with us, it will continue to play in the background.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so if shame overwhelms your self-perception, your overall physical, mental, emotional health is going to take a hit, your relationships are gonna take a hit, and your professional aspirations may take a hit.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it's so important to get support around this, and it's important to go through an unshaming process and work through the shame that you're carrying, because if we just try to avoid avoid it or distract from it, it's going to come back.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, it it's it's kind of like when we try to distract ourselves from uncomfortable thoughts or negative thoughts, if we just try to push them away, they might they might come back.
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  SPEAKER_00: And instead of naming and noticing that it's there and really bringing it to the forefront, it's important to go through that process, and it's also equally important to go through that process with somebody who can be trauma-informed and trauma-sensitive so that there is no re-traumatization as you go through the unshaming process.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to talk with me more about coaching around things like shame or anything else, or would like support in other aspects that of life or limiting beliefs that might be holding you back, or how you can move yourself forward towards the goals that you want, feel free to book a time with me at coachwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.