Latest / Surviving Me / FROM SURVIVING TO LIVING: BREAKING GENERATIONAL CYCLES WITH RICH DUNNING

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FROM SURVIVING TO LIVING: BREAKING GENERATIONAL CYCLES WITH RICH DUNNING · Surviving Me

• 0:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Hey, butterflies.
• 0:14
  Host: Welcome back to Surviving Me, the space where we talk about healing, growth, and all the messy parts in between.
• 0:20
  Host: Today we're having a conversation about something I think a lot of people don't realize until much later in life sometimes the things that helped us survive are the very things we eventually have to heal from.
• 0:30
  Host: My guest today is Rich Dunning, author of Silence Was My First Language.
• 0:36
  Host: Rich grew up navigating violence, poverty, homelessness, and circumstances that taught him very early how to survive.
• 0:43
  Host: But those survival instincts didn't disappear when childhood ended.
• 0:48
  Host: They followed him into adulthood through a successful career, fatherhood, addiction, relapse, recovery, and eventually into the process of confronting things he spent years carrying in silence.
• 0:58
  Host: And what I appreciate about Rich's story is that he doesn't present it as this perfectly packaged redemption story where everything suddenly becomes okay, because healing usually doesn't work like that.
• 1:09
  Host: So today we're talking about survival, the armor we carry into adulthood, addiction, fatherhood, breaking cycles, and what happens when you finally have to learn how to live instead of simply surviving.
• 1:20
  Host: Rich, welcome to Surviving Me.
• 1:23
  Host: I'm so happy to have you.
• 1:24
  Host: Wow, what a, what an intro.
• 1:26
  Rich Dunning: I th- thank you so much.
• 1:28
  Rich Dunning: I'm honored.
• 1:30
  Rich Dunning: Thank you for the platform.
• 1:31
  Rich Dunning: It's, it's angels like you that are making the world better, so I appreciate you.
• 1:35
  Rich Dunning: I love that.
• 1:37
  Rich Dunning: Thank you.
• 1:38
  Rich Dunning: Mm-hmm.
• 1:38
  Rich Dunning: So if we jump right into the first section, which is when survival becomes your identity.
• 1:44
  Host: You said the survival instinct that kept you alive as a kid nearly destroyed you as an adult.
• 1:49
  Host: What did survival look like for you growing up?
• 1:53
  Host: Yeah, so a great question by the way.
• 1:56
  Host: when I think about that, part of my life, surviving when you're living under severe abuse in, the inner city, in the Bronx, in New York, vi- the violence was like just nuts.
• 2:07
  Host: The alcoholism, poverty, hunger.
• 2:10
  Host: We were, man, periods of homelessness.
• 2:13
  Host: you learn to read a room quickly.
• 2:15
  Host: Mm.
• 2:15
  Host: And you learn how to understand your feelings very quickly as a child.
• 2:20
  Host: I mean, I have vivid memories as early as three.
• 2:22
  Host: If you read my book, you'll see that it's actually really cinematic because..
• 2:28
  Rich Dunning: I wanted the reader to, to feel, see, hear, touch, taste what I was going through.
• 2:34
  Rich Dunning: But- Mm regarding silence, it was how I protected myself.
• 2:39
  Rich Dunning: and if you weren't silent or you weren't invisible, you were a target for, some real danger.
• 2:45
  Rich Dunning: Mm, yes.
• 2:48
  Rich Dunning: Yeah.
• 2:49
  Rich Dunning: That's one way to put it for sure.
• 2:51
  Rich Dunning: For sure.
• 2:52
  Rich Dunning: Yeah.
• 2:52
  Rich Dunning: So when did you first realize that some of the things you learned to do to survive childhood had followed you into adulthood?
• 3:02
  Rich Dunning: I started drinking when I was seven.
• 3:03
  Rich Dunning: Wow.
• 3:04
  Rich Dunning: And yeah, that's no joke.
• 3:06
  Rich Dunning: I started drinking at, 'cause, mom thought it was cute to put you on the lap and, and feed you alcohol during, parties.
• 3:12
  Rich Dunning: I'm first generation American, but, my parents are Dominican.
• 3:16
  Rich Dunning: They're off, literally off the boat.
• 3:18
  Rich Dunning: no high school education.
• 3:19
  Rich Dunning: My dad left when I was three.
• 3:21
  Rich Dunning: and then that's when, about a year later, the stepdad came into play and, and that ensued, all the, nonsense But, by the, by the time I think I was 13, I knew I had a problem.
• 3:33
  Rich Dunning: Mm-hmm.
• 3:33
  Rich Dunning: By the time I was an adult, I was a full-fledged alcoholic, definitely.
• 3:37
  Rich Dunning: Mm.
• 3:37
  Rich Dunning: and the problem is, like, I grew up, I was the first one to go to high school, first one to go to college, break out of, the quote, unquote, "ghetto," and, try to make a life for myself.
• 3:49
  Rich Dunning: But the problem is I never dealt with that inner child that went through all of that.
• 3:54
  Rich Dunning: Mm-hmm.
• 3:54
  Rich Dunning: And I was still in survival mode and behaved like I was in survival mode.
• 3:58
  Rich Dunning: And while I was s- super overachiever or am, and, very successful, my house was a house of cards, man.
• 4:06
  Rich Dunning: Mm-hmm.
• 4:07
  Rich Dunning: I was just a mess inside.
• 4:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I alienated everyone.
• 4:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I alienated my beautiful bride, my kids, because the only thing I trusted was the, drink, and I was, I would set out to hurt you before you hurt me.
• 4:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 4:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That was the game.
• 4:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yep.
• 4:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 4:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That is something to say, but then it's also something to even realize, because I'm pretty sure when you were going through it, you didn't realize it then, but- Oh, heck no to talk about it now and, like, see
• 4:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: it, that must be heavy.
• 4:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.
• 4:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause I mean, listen, if you know a drunk or you know someone who's addicted, obviously it's a very selfish disease, but- Mm-hmm you're living in a cloud, basically, in the sense that you don't, you can't even tell reality
• 4:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: from what's reality, in a sense.
• 4:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean- I knew that I, obviously had to show up to go to work.
• 4:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I knew I had to provide and all those things.
• 4:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But again, I was a complete imposter.
• 5:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 5:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And if, if I went without a drink, like even one day, I had physical issues going on.
• 5:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm and at one point I was killing a bottle of bourbon a day, blacking out, waking up in different parts of the state or different parts of the country.
• 5:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I once woke up in a different, country.
• 5:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: and any normal person who, who if this would've happened to someone else, they'd probably jump on a- the next plane and go home.
• 5:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No, I doubled down and drank myself to death for the next five days.
• 5:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow that's how, crazy this disease is.
• 5:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No, I heard that alcoholism is probably like one of the worst compared to others.
• 5:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And it's also one of the hardest to actually get off of, so I've heard.
• 5:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Amen.
• 5:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
• 5:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 5:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's crazy.
• 5:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So your memoir is called Silence Was My First Language.
• 5:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What did silence protect you from back then, and what did it eventually cost you?
• 6:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, so for me, back then, silence was literally...
• 6:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: First of all, I didn't even speak English till I was probably five years old, so we lived in this three-room- basement apartment, in the Bronx, in New York City for those who don't know where the Bronx is.
• 6:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: and, like, there were two windows.
• 6:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That was it.
• 6:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And they were like these high-hat windows that you would see in the basement of a home kind of thing.
• 6:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 6:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So there was never any light in there.
• 6:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We never had any, I remember we never had any heat in the wintertime.
• 6:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We would all crawl up by the, stove and turn on the stove and, have that heat us up.
• 6:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But the problem was when you heat up the room, the roaches and the rats come, so you gotta wrap yourself really, really tight from head to toe so you don't get bit.
• 6:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: but we never did anything.
• 6:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, I wasn't exposed to the outside world, and I didn't speak English till I was five years old.
• 6:56
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The day I literally walked into school is when I started to learn a different language.
• 7:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And- Mm I didn't wanna g- I, I, I remember it's like, and it's in the book, Silence Was My First Language.
• 7:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 7:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I didn't wanna go to school because I was freaking out.
• 7:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This would be the first time I ever experienced violence.
• 7:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 7:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This, this dude, I don't even wanna call him my stepfather, right?
• 7:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Because a stepfather still, would treat a stepchild like a human being, right?
• 7:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 7:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So this
• 7:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: dude, the
• 7:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the colors faded and his real character started to come out.
• 7:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: not a very nice guy.
• 7:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: so it's time for school, my first day of school.
• 7:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'm, I'm in my pajamas.
• 7:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'm throwing a fit of course 'cause I'm freaking out.
• 7:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I don't know anyone.
• 7:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I've never been exposed to the outside world, et cetera, et cetera.
• 7:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So at one point he closes his fist and just punches me so hard on the side of my face that I peed my pajamas.
• 7:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 7:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And my mother did nothing.
• 7:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And school was literally right across the street from our place.
• 7:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 7:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: He grabbed me in my wet pajamas and took me to school, and I sat in wet pajamas all day until they dried.
• 8:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And no one said a word.
• 8:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No one.
• 8:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Not even a teacher?
• 8:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Nope.
• 8:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's how it was.
• 8:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's, it's...
• 8:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: you gotta think about where, we lived too.
• 8:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Everyone was fending, for their own safety.
• 8:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And in this case, the one thing that we had, my grandfather would send money because he wanted us to go to Catholic school.
• 8:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 8:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So this kindergarten was a Catholic school.
• 8:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 8:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And the nuns, I really don't think they even cared to be honest.
• 8:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That is so crazy.
• 8:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It was no help.
• 8:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Crazy.
• 8:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Nobody to help.
• 8:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Oh my God, that is so sad Nowhere.
• 8:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Nowhere.
• 8:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Nowhere.
• 8:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Definitely.
• 8:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That is so sad.
• 8:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: OMG.
• 8:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 8:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So, if we jump into the second section of this interview, it would be when the armor looks like success.
• 8:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So you built a successful career and became a father while carrying all
• 8:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: this
• 8:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: underneath.
• 8:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What did people- Yeah see when they looked at your life, and what weren't they seeing?
• 8:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean, I wore a mask.
• 9:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I was, I was a master, I would call it the
• 9:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: master
• 9:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: manipulator, master imposter, First of all, I thought work defined me as a human being, I, Mm-hmm obviously know that's not the truth today, right?
• 9:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Because it's your family.
• 9:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 9:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: but I
• 9:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: think
• 9:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: If you looked at a poster and you looked- Mm-hmm at the company I worked for, you would see me with, like, two thumbs up, like I'm the poster child for that company.
• 9:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's how hardcore I was.
• 9:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I was called a dog in Spanish, perro, all of my life.
• 9:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That, that was his nickname.
• 9:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So part of me had, obviously no confidence or anything like that.
• 9:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But the other side of me was like, "I'm gonna prove this guy wrong, and I'm just gonna tear it up in anything I do."
• 9:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So I was the first one to go to high school, first one to go to college, et cetera, et cetera.
• 9:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, here I am in this space that inside I feel like I don't even belong.
• 9:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: These people are gonna see right through me.
• 9:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: and even when I mean, I was crushing.
• 9:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I crushed in business, and yet I didn't have any confidence inside, but you would never know that because I was such an ass in terms of, just obnoxious and arrogant about what I do, but that was just my
• 10:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: protective zone.
• 10:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 10:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I didn't make many friends then, that's for sure- because of that attitude.
• 10:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I was gonna just step right over you to do what I need to do to kill it.
• 10:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 10:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And the crazy part about that is, is that when you meet people like that, the last thing you think about is like, "Oh, they probably, grew up rough or hard and that's why they are the way they are."
• 10:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You just simply be like, "No, you're just really an asshole."
• 10:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Like
• 10:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: it, you don't even care- why they are the way they are.
• 10:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're just like, "You just that."
• 10:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But it's crazy because fans though you told
• 10:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: me
• 10:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the before, before you actually developed into that type of person, it makes sense as to why you would be that type of person.
• 10:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But I just feel like outside looking in, if I wouldn't have known that and met you in that time, then I probably would've just thought you was just an asshole instead of like, "Wait, hold on."
• 10:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: "It's something deeper into this."
• 11:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's funny you say that because, and my wife is always my face.
• 11:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: someone may not be nice to you and, and I know me, I'm like, this guy's just disrespectful."
• 11:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like I, and she'll turn around and say, "Hon, you don't know what that guy's going through."
• 11:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah I was like, "You know what?
• 11:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're right," because I was that guy or that gal or whatever, Right.
• 11:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're absolutely right.
• 11:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 11:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 11:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's definitely put things into perspective, for sure.
• 11:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: you said control looked like success but
• 11:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: it was
• 11:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: actually armor.
• 11:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What were you trying to control and what were you afraid would happen if you let go of that control?
• 11:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So yeah, regarding the control, I still work on that today.
• 11:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You know- Mm-hmm I had to own everything.
• 11:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I had to, even at home, e- and was so dismissive of my wife, which man, that, the fact that that girl is still with me, that woman, I'm sorry, is still with me 35 years later is a godsend
• 11:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: because I don't deserve her.
• 11:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: She is a lioness.
• 11:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow, that is something to say that is- I love that she's a badass and, and what a mom she was and is.
• 12:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I don't think that they're young adult kids now, and those kids would've never turned out the way they did if it wasn't for her.
• 12:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: she, she put up with a lot of shit to the point that she's like, "No, no, no, no.
• 12:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This ain't happening anymore.
• 12:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You need to get your shit together.
• 12:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We're moving on without you because you're not destroying this family."
• 12:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 12:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And she was right to do so.
• 12:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I didn't deserve that.
• 12:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I didn't deserve to be in the same room with her at one point because I mean, I was known for, I was never physical like they were with me and my mom and all that stuff, but- Being emotionally
• 12:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: abusive is abuse, right?
• 12:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And so- Yes I would make decisions on my own about our lives without consulting her.
• 12:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I would dismiss her.
• 12:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: "Well, I'm the one that's bringing the money home," That c- I mean, just- Mm-hmm really horrible shit.
• 12:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And- my God, I didn't trust anyone.
• 12:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I didn't trust her.
• 12:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No reason not to.
• 12:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That woman gave me her unconditional love.
• 12:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: If anything, she should have never trusted me- Mm because, I painted this picture of a guy that, supposedly swept her off her feet.
• 13:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Then we get married, and by the way, she comes from the complete opposite side of the spectrum- Mm-hmm where she grew up, everything was roses, great family, a lot of communication, and she meets me, this complete train wreck.
• 13:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: she starts peeling yeah, she starts peeling the onion, and here's this guy that's just busted, and he just can't get life
• 13:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: together,
• 13:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: and I put her through a lot, and I'm so grateful for her.
• 13:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: we have the most amazing relationship today, and we are true partners in everything we do.
• 13:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That woman is the reason I get up, and the kids, obviously, every morning.
• 13:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'll never take that for granted.
• 13:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I
• 13:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: took it for granted for a very long time.
• 13:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 13:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So basically, that was something that you was afraid of letting go, your family and your wife.
• 13:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No, what I was afraid to letting go of is I was afraid, meaning as far as with the controlling, I
• 14:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: was
• 14:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: afraid people would know who I really am.
• 14:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 14:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So I had to control everything.
• 14:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: My wife even today, she's like, "Man, I didn't..."
• 14:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: She didn't get to know real Rich- Mm-hmm till probably 2018, 2019.
• 14:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That is, like, 34, 30...
• 14:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Excuse me, 24, 25 years after marriage.
• 14:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's crazy.
• 14:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 14:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That is crazy.
• 14:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, yeah.
• 14:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Because I just wouldn't let anybody in, I was a total imposter, but I own that, I own it.
• 14:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: that's who I was.
• 14:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I always tell people, your past doesn't have to define who you are today.
• 14:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It doesn't.
• 14:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You can start over again right now.
• 14:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You can.
• 14:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I totally agree with that.
• 14:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Totally agree.
• 14:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 14:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I always say it's not about what you did, it's about how you overcome whatever you did do.
• 14:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause nobody's- Amen perfect.
• 14:56
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, we're not perfect.
• 14:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We're gonna mess up, but it's not about the mess-up, it's about how you overcome after that mess-up.
• 15:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause once you realize that you know you messed up, then how are you gonna, how you fix it, how you go about fixing it.
• 15:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's- Yeah the main thing.
• 15:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's not the actual mess-up.
• 15:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause nobody is expecting you to be perfect.
• 15:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 15:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So that is beautiful.
• 15:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So if we jump into the third section, which is addiction, relapse, and recovery, where did- Mm-hmm alcohol fit into your survival story?
• 15:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What did it give you before it started taking things away from you?
• 15:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah,
• 15:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: So al-
• 15:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: alcohol was my security blanket.
• 15:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean, at first I felt that it could numb the pain- Mm that I was going through as a kid, numb the fear a little bit.
• 15:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 15:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: certainly, I think by the age of 13 I was probably a full-fledged alcoholic.
• 15:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: as an adult- It took over.
• 15:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It definitely took over.
• 15:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It went from feeling good, protecting, hiding.
• 15:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Oh, the other one was huge, too.
• 15:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Suppressing emotions.
• 16:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, for sure.
• 16:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: For, definitely.
• 16:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So that was a big one for me.
• 16:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: har- I was a horrible communicator, especially a young adult.
• 16:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: again, you just don't show your feelings.
• 16:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: it's not enough that they teach men that, that, "Yo, you gotta be stoic."
• 16:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 16:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: "You,
• 16:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: "You don't share.
• 16:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You don't, wear your emotion on a sleeve.
• 16:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: pull yourself up by your bootstrap.
• 16:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This is what you're supposed to do.
• 16:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Men are not supposed to talk."
• 16:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Well, as a result of that, we have 80%
• 16:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: of
• 16:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the suicide rates
• 16:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: are
• 16:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: committed by men.
• 16:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Something really wrong here.
• 16:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 16:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause men have no outlet to talk to each other- Exactly 'cause they're either ashamed or afraid to, they may be made fun of or what have you.
• 16:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: But,
• 16:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: that's gotta change.
• 16:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 16:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Men, men need to start communicating.
• 16:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Agree.
• 16:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Agree.
• 16:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Yeah.
• 16:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I
• 16:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: preach that so much on this podcast.
• 16:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, yes, men, like I don't know where it started with the whole, "Oh, men are supposed to be strong all the time, and you're not supposed to show emotions- Yeah and, and y'all always just supposed to push through."
• 17:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I don't know where that started at, but wherever it started at, it
• 17:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: need
• 17:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: to die today.
• 17:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like- because
• 17:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: it's
• 17:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: just not realistic.
• 17:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, we're all human.
• 17:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We all have emotions.
• 17:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Whether you're a man, whether you're a m- a woman, it really doesn't matter.
• 17:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We all have feelings.
• 17:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's why I never- That's right understood the whole, "Oh, you gotta be strong 'cause you're this type gender."
• 17:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's just like, what?
• 17:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like- Yeah but I still have a heart- And- and that still hurt my feelings.
• 17:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 17:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: A- a- you...
• 17:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And
• 17:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: do
• 17:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: it so great, man.
• 17:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the way you guys communicate, it is just so beautiful.
• 17:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We don't...
• 17:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: we do a tenth of that.
• 17:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Not me, I don't do that anymore.
• 17:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: My wife sa- always tells me, "Hey, man, can you please stop sharing?
• 17:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're sharing too much now."
• 17:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: But it...
• 17:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I was like, "I didn't need to know that."
• 17:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But you know what?
• 17:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It feels good.
• 17:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: There's nothing to hide I used to be so ashamed of things I mean, my life is out there, Yeah.
• 17:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I got a book that talks about my, my, my past and everything else.
• 17:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: There's nothing else that you can say, do, whatever, to make me feel ashamed or embarrassed.
• 17:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: There's, you just go on the internet, you could read all about me, 'cause I tell my story, And- Yeah but I think...
• 18:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And you know what?
• 18:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And it's so freeing- Yes to be able to do that.
• 18:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I just got no, no elephants on my back, no monkeys on my shoulder.
• 18:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I am just free, and it feel...
• 18:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I tell my men, and I tell the boys especially, I have two young adult
• 18:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: boys.
• 18:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm and it's great because they, they're sensitive.
• 18:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love that.
• 18:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: They're sensitive with women.
• 18:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Of course, that's really super important to me.
• 18:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm and they communicate.
• 18:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's like, yes.
• 18:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But I'm not taking credit for that.
• 18:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: again it's mama that did that, especially during those years that I was checked out.
• 18:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That is so beautiful.
• 18:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Shout out to your wife.
• 18:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 18:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Shout out to your wife.
• 18:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Oh God loves her.
• 18:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's my lioness.
• 18:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 18:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love that, and I love that you refer to her that, 'cause yeah.
• 18:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Exactly that.
• 18:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So you experienced recovery and relapse.
• 18:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What do you think people, misunderstand about relapse and the reality of trying to recover?
• 19:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: For the sober folks that are out there that don't have the gene- Mm-hmm meaning the gene that makes you wanna continue to drink- Mm-hmm it's gonna be very difficult for them to understand.
• 19:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean, this is backed by science over and over again.
• 19:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We have a gene that's going to wanna pursue that dopamine fix and that addiction that you keep doing.
• 19:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's so hard to get off that hamster wheel.
• 19:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's like wash, rinse, repeat on a washing machine.
• 19:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You can just never stop.
• 19:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And it is- Mm
• 19:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: for
• 19:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: me it was the, what, probably the most difficult thing I've ever done in my entire life.
• 19:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 19:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I failed at it a few times, until, I hit my rock bottom.
• 19:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm.
• 19:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And whereas I can't do this anymore.
• 19:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And that was on the cusp of just about to take my life, and it was interrupted, and that's when I fell to my knees and I started to cry and ask for help.
• 20:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I can't do it anymore.
• 20:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That was my rock bottom.
• 20:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But for the audience, you can't make someone get sober or get off the drugs or whatever addiction, the porn or the gambling or whatever it may be.
• 20:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 20:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: They have to hit their rock bottom.
• 20:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What you need to do as the loved one is protect, care for yourself, mind, body, and soul, and care for your children and making sure that they, they're proper in their mind, body, and soul.
• 20:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And make sure, and, and obviously the most important thing, that you're safe, that there's no physical harm going on.
• 20:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Of course.
• 20:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: You can't
• 20:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: change that person.
• 20:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That person has to do it for themselves.
• 20:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And when there is absolutely no help, yeah, you may love that spouse, him or her, whatever it may be, but you gotta make a decision for your future, even if it means without that person.
• 20:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And that's the truth Exactly.
• 20:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I think that was a beautiful message.
• 20:56
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Beautiful way to put it, for sure.
• 20:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah Because I know people that go through any type of addiction with not even just alcohol, but if it, whether it's drugs, like he said, but addiction is addiction is addiction.
• 21:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So- Yeah and it's hard as a loved one to see your loved one go through that, but you don't wanna become an enabler.
• 21:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Yes You become an
• 21:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: enabler- Yes and co-dependent too.
• 21:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Yes.
• 21:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Mm-hmm.
• 21:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 21:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 21:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's so easy to do that just because you love this person and you don't want to
• 21:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: them
• 21:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: suffering, but that's really not helping them.
• 21:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And then it's all a big secret, right?
• 21:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This is...
• 21:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Listen, we're...
• 21:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's 2026.
• 21:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 21:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And we're still dealing with half this
• 21:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: shit.
• 21:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: There's more abuse today on family members than there was when I was growing up in the '70s and '80s, and that was hard, Mm-hmm.
• 21:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, and the other thing is, "Oh, well, they ain't s- it's not gonna happen in my neighborhood.
• 21:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We got too much money around here."
• 21:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Let me tell you something, violence and control doesn't know gender, doesn't know economic backgrounds.
• 21:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 21:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's happening in every neighborhood across America and across the world, and it could be your neighbor, and no one talks about it.
• 22:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 22:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I'm
• 22:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: about
• 22:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: done.
• 22:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The fact that we are
• 22:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: now
• 22:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: sitting in, excuse me, domestic abuse recovery month is so upsetting to me.
• 22:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The fact that we're dedicating a month to awareness that you should not put your hands on somebody else- When are we gonna evolve as people?
• 22:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Okay.
• 22:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I
• 22:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: You know
• 22:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: what I'm saying?
• 22:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I totally do.
• 22:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I really do.
• 22:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I really do.
• 22:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And that drives me nuts.
• 22:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It drives me nuts as well, honestly, because the, the sad part about it is people don't understand
• 22:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: we
• 22:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: have the power to make the change.
• 22:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I know people may not feel like it, but if everybody come together and agree on a stance, it could easily change.
• 22:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Easily.
• 22:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 22:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But because it's so much being against each other and wanting to be better than the next person, it will never happen.
• 23:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's...
• 23:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And people are not kind.
• 23:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: People are not kind.
• 23:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: People don't really care about others, and that's really the problem in my opinion.
• 23:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We need to care more, literally.
• 23:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Well, yeah.
• 23:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean, the, the world today in general, as crazy as it is, listen, I'm not even gonna get political on this stuff.
• 23:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Whether you're right or left, whatever.
• 23:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 23:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What's going on there is so divisiveness.
• 23:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's, it's
• 23:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: all
• 23:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: divisive as well, Mm-hmm.
• 23:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: what happened to...
• 23:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Listen, I, I go back from, 9/11 and watching those buildings come down and saw America come together, White, Black, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, whatever, Indian, whatever.
• 23:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: People came together- Mm-hmm and supported each other.
• 23:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I- Mm-hmm and, that actually gives me chills to even think about.
• 23:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What happened to that America?
• 23:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 23:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wh- where did that go?
• 23:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 23:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause everybody just hates each other.
• 23:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No, for real.
• 23:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: And
• 23:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Whether I disagree with you, let's say, you're a Democrat and I'm a Republican or whatever.
• 24:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 24:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Doesn't mean I hate you.
• 24:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You believe the same way I do.
• 24:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're a human being.
• 24:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 24:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We can have a healthy discussion.
• 24:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That doesn't mean I have to hate you because you believe in something else.
• 24:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I,
• 24:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The last time I checked, that's what the Articles of Independence said.
• 24:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That you're here 'cause you're free to think and do whatever the heck you wanna do.
• 24:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I don't know.
• 24:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I know I just went
• 24:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: off
• 24:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: on a rant, I just want people to bring the love.
• 24:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 24:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Enough.
• 24:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Enough Yes, and then of course the media set up, you'll never see the media p- plugging any great story of, of humanity.
• 24:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: No, it's about-
• 24:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: you
• 24:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Never you
• 24:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: it's
• 24:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: about hate, drama, catastrophes, whatever.
• 24:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I don't even watch the news.
• 24:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I couldn't even tell you what's going on.
• 24:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, me neither.
• 24:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Other than this obviously horrible thing that came on my radar with that, the young lady from Cornell University with all those boys that, just, repeatedly raped her a few weeks, that's finally coming out.
• 25:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 25:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And again, another example of we have to continue to educate on abuse and violence and trauma because this shit is happening every day.
• 25:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 25:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: One in three women in colleges are going to be abused.
• 25:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Of that, 28% of the abusers are gonna be arrested.
• 25:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Of that, 8% are going to jail.
• 25:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What's wrong with this picture?
• 25:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 25:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That was something to say.
• 25:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That definitely put it into perspective and put it into picture, and that gives listeners a chance to think.
• 25:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Think about exactly what he said, because man, that was so powerful.
• 25:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That was so powerful.
• 25:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Thank you.
• 25:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause exactly that.
• 25:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I think we need more people to be passionate about stuff like this because passion drives results, in my opinion.
• 25:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: When you're passionate about something, you stand for it, you believe in it, and that's what we need more of.
• 26:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And like I said, kindness of course.
• 26:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We need more kindness.
• 26:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We need more- Yes coming together, for sure.
• 26:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Amen.
• 26:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So to jump into the last question for your addiction, relapse, and recovery, once you couldn't numb everything anymore, what did you have to finally face about yourself?
• 26:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I was on that hamster wheel, as I like to call it, and it just kept spinning.
• 26:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I couldn't get off.
• 26:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And by then I was killing a bottle of bourbon a day, and that, that's hardcore.
• 26:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I was an athlete in college.
• 26:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I had blown up to 260 pounds.
• 26:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Oh, wow.
• 26:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: From drinking?
• 26:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I was...
• 26:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, and just overeating and w- everything.
• 26:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: mind, body, and soul was wrecked.
• 26:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And- Wow long story short, I'm on vacation.
• 26:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I convinced my wife somehow to take a little, ca- what we call a staycation in the States.
• 26:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 26:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, went down to the beach, whatever, and we, went to this really nice hotel with the kids.
• 27:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I was trying to stay sober.
• 27:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I think I had maybe
• 27:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: days
• 27:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: under me.
• 27:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'm still shaking a little bit, but of course fell off the wagon and blacked out and, sequestered to my room.
• 27:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The next morning I wake up, we have this beautiful suite on the fifth floor.
• 27:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 27:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I wake up, my head literally, my brain just wants to jump out of my head.
• 27:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's a, that's what the kind of pain I was in.
• 27:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And- Wow I look around and I'm like, I, I, I failed them yet again.
• 27:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I'm trying to retrack what I did.
• 27:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 27:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I can't, it, it's just like every- everything else, I've lost so much track of time because I can't remember it.
• 27:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I, I look at the balcony and I'm like, "That's it.
• 27:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'm done."
• 27:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And went out there.
• 27:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I said an F you to God, 'cause I was at war with God all my life.
• 27:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: He is my savior today.
• 27:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: He's the reason why I'm here and, and the reason why I'm doing this.
• 27:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This is, this was His plan.
• 28:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I climb over the ledge, I'm about to go, and my youngest at the time, who was 10- He happens to wake up and looks outside, and he kinda, he, he didn't know what the hell I was doing.
• 28:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: He's like, "Dad?"
• 28:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And-
• 28:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I
• 28:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: just felt, like, something leave my body.
• 28:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, it was an out-of-body experience.
• 28:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It just left me.
• 28:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So I climb back over, and as I mentioned earlier, went inside.
• 28:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Everybody stu- was kind of stunned and woke up, and, my wife had this stoic look on her face.
• 28:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I just fell to my knees and I just started bawling, asking for help.
• 28:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: "I can't do this anymore."
• 28:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And that was my day one of a very, very tough, sobriety road for the first, I would say, couple of years, and that redemption tour, it's not ended since.
• 28:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean, I'm, I'm sober nine and a half years now.
• 28:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 28:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But, I'll never forget that day, and that day just motivates me every day to be a better man, a better husband, better father, and been a better, fellow person to my community worldwide, not just my community in front
• 29:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: of me.
• 29:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: If I can just touch one life, make a difference in someone's life, to step away from what I was about to do- Mm-hmm then, then I've done my job.
• 29:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: If I can get somebody off the sauce or off, whatever drug of choice they may be on, then, I've done my job.
• 29:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: If I can help the child that's struggling like I did, I've done my job.
• 29:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: and that's God's plan for me.
• 29:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I loved it 'cause that's literally what- Surviving Me is about.
• 29:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's literally what I say 'cause, talking is healing, like, literally.
• 29:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And Surviving Me, the name is literally speaks for itself because I feel like the hardest thing to survive is yourself.
• 29:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Other things is hard to survive, too, but the inner demons as I like to call it or the inner trauma- Mm that you deal with on the daily, that's the hard part.
• 29:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's- Yes what's hard, getting over that stuff.
• 29:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So Surviving Me is forever.
• 29:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, you are always gonna go through things where you need to survive yourself, but long as you overcome it, man, it's so beautiful.
• 30:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 30:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And if you can help others overcome
• 30:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: something
• 30:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: too, that's even more beautiful.
• 30:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah well said.
• 30:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So jumping into the fourth section, which is fatherhood and breaking cycles, how did becoming a father change the way you understood your own childhood?
• 30:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, I, I understand it better today than I did back then.
• 30:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: there's no m-
• 30:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: there's no manual.
• 30:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: For sure.- That's for sure.
• 30:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I
• 30:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: thought, I mean,
• 30:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I was a good dad when I was not drinking.
• 30:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: When I was drinking I was just checked out, Mm-hmm.
• 30:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I did the sports with them.
• 30:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I played with them.
• 30:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I drove them to places until I couldn't, obviously, because of my drinking and I was not allowed to, which completely makes sense.
• 30:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, some of the stuff that, in writing this, it took 15 years to write this book, for example, and I wrote it while I was still drunk as part of a, uh One of my therapists who
• 31:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I
• 31:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: couldn't, just manipulate or bullshit, she's alwa- she was always like, "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, 'cause I know exactly what you're up to."
• 31:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But it
• 31:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: was
• 31:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: her that suggested I had such vivid memories of everything, and she suggested I write them down.
• 31:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's how this book came to be.
• 31:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And there are some chapters in there that were so rough that I didn't put in the book.
• 31:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: There were six that I talk about today.
• 31:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But just to cycle back around, the reason I bring that up is because some of the things that they made me do- Mm-hmm at 10, 11, 12, 13 years old, and, then I think about my children at that
• 31:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: age, and- Mm-hmm.
• 31:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Their innocence and the way they behaved, it's like, it's jack.
• 31:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's...
• 31:40
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mean, I, back in the day, we had food stamps, not EBT.
• 31:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I think EBT today is,
• 31:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: like a
• 31:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: card- Mm-hmm where you can go...
• 31:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And for the audience who doesn't know, EBT is a program, a social program that, is given to those who are, struggling, who are indigent, who need to make ends meet, and they can buy food, but you can't buy
• 32:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: alcohol, cigarettes, and all that stuff.
• 32:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 32:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Back then, it wasn't EBT.
• 32:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It was food stamps.
• 32:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So on the first of the month, everybody's waiting for their checks in the mail, and it's like this tear-off.
• 32:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, if you look at your checkbook, it almost looks like that, but they had denominations on it.
• 32:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So my job was to go to the local supermarket down the way, and because they wouldn't do it, and take the monies with me, and then try to sell them for half their value for the cash, right?
• 32:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 32:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So if I had $100, for example, I'm gonna try and hustle 50 US dollars for it, so then they can have greenbacks so they can buy cigarettes or whatever, or drinks, or whatever else they wanna do.
• 32:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And there were times that I was so ashamed, because there'd be families that would pull up that I know, and friends that I know- Mm-hmm and there's Rich selling food stamps.
• 32:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's some of the stuff that I, And ma- and I'm gonna think of, imagine you sending your child to go do something like that at 12 years old.
• 33:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 33:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's crazy.
• 33:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I would never, actually.
• 33:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 33:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 33:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So that's just an example of, like, when I think about the way my kids, you know, Do I wish I could do things differently from an emotional perspective, from a better bonding that they could trust Dad to, to
• 33:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: always, be on point, and, 'cause you never knew which dad was gonna show up.
• 33:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Dad who likes to talk a lot after he's drunk, Dad who's just, like, falling over himself.
• 33:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: They didn't know, and that's, yeah, okay, I wasn't mean, or I wasn't, deadbeat, or I wasn't hitting anybody, but that's just as bad.
• 33:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 33:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And those are the things that, I'm always on a redemption tour with.
• 33:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We're good, by the way.
• 33:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We have, I
• 33:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: believe
• 33:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: a really good relationship.
• 33:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You know?
• 33:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's great.
• 33:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: With the oldest, it took a little bit more.
• 33:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm he's 25, 24 now.
• 33:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: My daughter's 20, 22.
• 34:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: She'll be 23 this month, and then my youngest is still in college at 20.
• 34:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I was telling them,
• 34:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: like
• 34:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: they, they've seen the before and after, right?
• 34:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And we have some real talks.
• 34:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'm like, "Look, you guys carry the gene.
• 34:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I can't tell you not to drink.
• 34:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You guys are young adult."
• 34:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I
• 34:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I told my youngest, I'm like, "I ain't stupid, You're in college-" Mm-hmm "and all, I know all of y'all drank in high school.
• 34:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I ain't dumb, because I know what every kid does, 'cause I was that kid, right?
• 34:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Right.
• 34:27
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, they'll giggle and laugh, and they'll own up to it, whatever, and that's great.
• 34:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And that's the
• 34:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: relationship
• 34:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I want.
• 34:31
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But I always tell them, I said, "You carry that gene, so-" Be careful "play that forward.
• 34:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, play that forward, number one.
• 34:39
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Look what happened to me, number two.
• 34:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, you're an adult trying to make some big girl and big boy choices, but I can't tell you what to do.
• 34:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: You
• 34:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: have to find your own path."
• 34:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 34:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Loved it.
• 34:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's really all- Yeah all you can do as a parent is just give them, the manuscript or whatever, but- Exactly for real, for real, it's all gonna be up to them once they get grown whether they, whatever they
• 35:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: decide to do with it.
• 35:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: yes, as long as you be that voice of reason in their ear, 'cause that's how I look at a lot of things.
• 35:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Because my mom was so one of them moms that always kinda just be in your ear about stuff, whenever I'm doing- Yeah something, I, that's the first voice I hear.
• 35:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Maybe she's my conscience or something.
• 35:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I don't
• 35:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: know,
• 35:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: but- Yeah I just know I hear her when it's a big decision or when it's a decision I know that could be kinda rocky, I hear her voice.
• 35:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 35:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So that's what I hope that I do for my son when he gets older and having peer pressure- Yeah and all that extra stuff, my voice still plays in his head even as an adult.
• 35:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I love that.
• 35:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 35:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause I know especially when you tell them, "You can't do this, you can't do that," they're gonna go ahead and do it.
• 35:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 35:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love the approach that my wife and I take.
• 35:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's always say, "Hey, this is what this is gonna look like if...
• 35:56
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You do what you gotta do, but here's what's happened to me.
• 35:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Here's how that can play out for you.
• 36:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Let's talk about different scenarios and hopefully you make good choices."
• 36:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Exactly.
• 36:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, that's kind of the key thing around the house is make good choices.
• 36:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Are they gonna mess up?
• 36:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Hell yeah.
• 36:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And let's be honest, right?
• 36:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Think
• 36:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: about
• 36:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: how many times you messed up in your life.
• 36:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Exactly.
• 36:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I mess up every day- one thing or another.
• 36:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But, but why do we expect perfection from our children?
• 36:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Exactly.
• 36:26
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I was guilty of that in the beginning, early on.
• 36:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: A- again, there's no manuscript for this.
• 36:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Add alcohol and dysfunction on top of that, then there's really no manuscript.
• 36:37
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Thank God, again, I, I had such a, such a powerful woman at my side to be able to navigate through those times and to be able to, to put us on the path for success with these kids, Mm-hmm.
• 36:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 36:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Amen.
• 36:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes, amen to that.
• 36:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So jumping into the last section, 'cause I feel like we pretty much wrapped up fatherhood and breaking cycles all on its own.
• 37:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I appreciate that.
• 37:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It, it felt like it was, it was really smooth, It just- It was
• 37:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: every
• 37:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: question kinda played in
• 37:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: to
• 37:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: what- No, for real we were talking about anyways.
• 37:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It really did.
• 37:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 37:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love when it does
• 37:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: that.
• 37:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I really do.
• 37:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 37:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So the last section is basically learning how to live.
• 37:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So do those- Yeah old survival instincts still show up today, and how do you recognize when you're protecting yourself versus actually choosing what's best for you?
• 37:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's a great question.
• 37:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Wow.
• 37:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, so I'm a work in progress.
• 37:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Of course.
• 37:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I
• 37:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: think
• 37:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: everyone should be.
• 37:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I, I wake up, I give thanks to God every day now, something I do differently to guide me to make right choices, I don't have the itch anymore.
• 37:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That doesn't even exist in my mind.
• 37:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's, and that's not even a thought.
• 37:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: alcohol is allowed back in my home.
• 37:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: family and friends drink in front of me.
• 37:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: None of that bothers me.
• 37:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's lovely.
• 37:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: But, but, yeah, but there's still character
• 37:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: flaws-
• 37:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm that I need to check myself with,
• 37:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: like
• 37:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the, i.e.
• 37:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the controlling part.
• 38:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I can be completely manic and just- Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.
• 38:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I gotta check myself.
• 38:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I'm like, "Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
• 38:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This is supposed to be a family event."
• 38:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Mm-hmm.
• 38:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Like, even with this book, Silence Was My First Language, and we've been on this whole promotional thing, pre-release thing.
• 38:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Today's the first day of the actual book release worldwide, which I'm so honored- Oh,
• 38:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: grateful for.
• 38:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Oh, congratulations.
• 38:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Thank
• 38:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: you.
• 38:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Thank you.
• 38:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's available anywhere and everywhere, including audiobook.
• 38:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So if you want a New Yorker accent on your audio, it's on audiobook as well.
• 38:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: but, yeah Throughout this process, I start to get in that zone where I just wanna, I wanna make the decisions on this book.
• 38:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And then, I had to be reminded several times, this is a family book."
• 38:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: we were all affected by that book, right?
• 38:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 38:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: 'Cause it is a family story.
• 38:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 38:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The family
• 38:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: goes
• 38:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: through it together.
• 38:55
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I s- and I had to check myself a few times, and kinda reflect on that and go back and apologize to them.
• 39:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: This is like, "You know what?
• 39:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're right.
• 39:02
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: you're right.
• 39:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I need to start listening more."
• 39:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And, and she is.
• 39:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: She's right.
• 39:06
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: but for me, it's mind, body, and soul, and they all have to be in unison and, just working together.
• 39:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Have I worked out today?
• 39:15
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's a very big, important part of my life.
• 39:17
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: have I meditated?
• 39:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: is,
• 39:19
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: am I
• 39:20
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: feeling any anxiousness?
• 39:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I don't anymore.
• 39:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I used to be, especially after s- quitting drinking, the anxiety- Mm levels were ridiculous, that I don't even experience that anymore.
• 39:30
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Is my mind foggy, and why?
• 39:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Identify that.
• 39:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Let's address that right
• 39:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: now.
• 39:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: We don't move forward until we address that right now, 'cause we're not gonna compartmentalize anything.
• 39:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And most importantly, with, I'm
• 39:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: out
• 39:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: to my men out there, am I communicating?
• 39:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 39:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: There's nothing that you can say to your spouse who loves you that's gonna make her, think less of you.
• 39:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: She married you, right?
• 39:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Right.
• 39:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: She married you for a reason.
• 39:56
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah.
• 39:56
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You should be able to stand naked in front of that
• 39:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: woman
• 39:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: or that man and shout, "Hey, this is what's going on with me," and not be ashamed.
• 40:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 40:05
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I didn't do that for a long time, and it nearly cost me my marriage.
• 40:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 40:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love that.
• 40:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love that.
• 40:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What a beautiful message to send to the listeners and to men especially, but not just to men, also to women- Amen too.
• 40:21
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yep.
• 40:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 40:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Don't let that go over your head, people, as I always like to say, make sure you're listening to the gems that are being given.
• 40:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And before we close, I have one more question.
• 40:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Sure.
• 40:33
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: If you could sit across from the little boy who learned that silence was the safest language he could speak, what would you want him to know about the man he eventually becomes?
• 40:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I would first ask him to forgive himself, that this is not, that was not his fault.
• 40:50
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What happened to him as a child was not his fault.
• 40:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: that's the first.
• 40:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And that he is loved, no matter what he's heard throughout his first 17 years alive.
• 40:59
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That would probably be the first thing I would say.
• 41:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: The second thing I would do is probably hug that person, 'cause that person kn- didn't know anything about human touch until later in life.
• 41:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: And
• 41:10
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: then I, and I would tell him that there's hope for him out there, that he can become the human being that he deserves to be, and that, again, and we said this earlier, his past will not define his
• 41:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: present.
• 41:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 41:24
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 41:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That, I think that's the, that's the big takeaway.
• 41:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: I
• 41:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: love that.
• 41:29
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: What a beautiful message to send to your l- younger self.
• 41:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yes.
• 41:32
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Love that.
• 41:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So Rich, thank you so, so much.
• 41:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Before we wrap up, I do say, do, is there anything that you wanna promote for the listeners, or the butterflies, as I like to call them, that you want them- to check in with?
• 41:45
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I love it.
• 41:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, I appreciate that.
• 41:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, so Silence Was My First Language, guys, I tell you, it's getting some...
• 41:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Don't listen to me.
• 41:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Go out and look at, look it up.
• 41:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's getting great reviews by, by very reputable institutions, just raving about this book.
• 42:01
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Most people that are reviewing it right now, that are coming back
• 42:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: putting
• 42:04
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: the reviews on Goodreads and magazines, they all say the same thing.
• 42:08
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's so cinematic.
• 42:09
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You feel like you're in the book and you're experiencing everything.
• 42:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: People have had to put it down and absorb what they read.
• 42:16
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: It's very real and very raw, but it shows a human that's went through it, who, then as an adult, just buries it, ba- basically brings himself to the point of death before he rises and takes accountability and responsibility
• 42:35
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: for his life.
• 42:36
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And I challenge you guys to read it.
• 42:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I think it would make
• 42:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: a
• 42:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: great difference in people's lives, especially those that are struggling through it, that if, hey, if there's hope for me, there's hope for you.
• 42:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And one other thing I wanna say is that, we have this beautiful foundation called firstlanguagefoundation.org, and that foundation is dedicated to everything that I went through, which means anything that's raised out there, and it's tax deductible, will go
• 43:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: to kids and young adults that are homeless, that are going hungry.
• 43:07
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And if anyone's gone hungry, you know what I, that, you know what that feels like, man, and it's not good.
• 43:12
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: addiction, po- poverty, abuse, the violence, these monies are going directly towards that- Everyone on my board does not get paid, so everything's going, and I'm putting my money where my mouth is.
• 43:25
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: For every book that's sold, in perpetuity, $1 of every book sold will go towards the foundation forever.
• 43:34
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Not just for this book, but for all of my books that are coming afterwards.
• 43:38
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's my personal mission from God.
• 43:41
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's what he wants me to do, and I hope you guys
• 43:43
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: can jump
• 43:44
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: on that if you can't make a donation, buy the book.
• 43:47
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You're gonna make a difference anyways.
• 43:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: All right.
• 43:49
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And you're gonna get a good read.
• 43:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yep.
• 43:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: Love
• 43:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: that.
• 43:52
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Love that, and I will
• 43:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 2: sure
• 43:54
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: to share it with my book club, 'cause I do host my own book club.
• 43:57
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: I will make sure- Oh, that's so sweet to promote that as well.
• 44:00
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So Rich, thank you so, so much for being willing to talk- Yeah about not only what you survived, but the parts that followed you after survival, because I think that's something we don't talk about enough.
• 44:11
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Sometimes surviving a thing isn't the end of the story.
• 44:14
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Sometimes you make it out, build a career, raise a family, accomplish things, and keep moving, and then you realize you're still carrying a version of yourself who learnt how to survive all those years ago.
• 44:23
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And healing becomes- Yeah learning that you don't have to live in survival mode forever.
• 44:28
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And butterflies, like Rich said, his memoir is called- silence Was My First Language, and through the First Language Foundation, a dollar from every book is directed towards helping children facing abuse and hunger- Yeah and homelessness.
• 44:42
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So don't let that go over your heads, okay?
• 44:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: That's it.
• 44:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And thank you so much.
• 44:46
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: You can get the book anywhere.
• 44:48
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Yeah, you can get it anywhere, including richdunningbooks.com.
• 44:51
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: So just- There it is it's out there.
• 44:53
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And thank you so much for trusting us with your story and being part of Surviving Me.
• 44:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Oh.
• 44:58
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And to my butterflies listening, remember, healing doesn't always mean forgetting who you had to become to survive.
• 45:03
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Sometimes it's thanking that version of yourself and getting you here and giving yourself permission to become someone who doesn't have to fight so hard anymore, okay?
• 45:13
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: And as I always say, no matter what page of healing you're on, you're not alone and you're not behind.
• 45:18
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Keep going through it, keep growing through it, and keep glowing through it.
• 45:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Amen.
• 45:22
  Pasted 2026-10-08 07.06.46 1: Because the journey back to yourself will always be the hardest, but it's the most necessary, and I will see y'all next episode.
• 45:29
  I've battled the silence, I've wrestled the shame Faced all my demons and called them by For sure, it's deeper