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218. Do it alone · Your Enriched Self

• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever been intimidated about doing things alone.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I think I've not appreciated the times when I had to.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: But I'm finding as I'm growing older. You know, I
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: just celebrated a birthday not too long ago that I
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: want to experience doing more things alone. I remember last year,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: when I had a milestone birthday, I thought this would
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: be the year that I would do my first solo trip.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I've never done a solo trip before for many, many reasons,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: but I think it's time for me to do that,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: and actually I'm looking forward to it. I know some
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: people may want the entourage and the pomp and circumstance
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: of it all, but I like to enjoy being by myself,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: being alone and choosing to have that experience with myself
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: because I know that there is a lot of growth
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in that. And I must attribute a lot of my
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: maturity and my ability to navigate unchartered waters as a
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: testament to me doing a lot of things alone in
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: life by choice and some because I had to. And
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: so that's what I want to talk about this week.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I don't think, like I said, there's enough credit being
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: given to the choice of doing things alone. You know
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: earlier this year something I did alone that I had
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: never done before. So I went to a concert by myself.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: It was one of those things that I wanted to
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: see this artist. I had never seen this artist in concert,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and by the time I decided to do it, it
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: would be kind of too short notice to have anybody
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: else go with me. Before I knew it, I bought
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: a ticket on Ticketmaster for one and I was getting
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: dropped off to go to this concert. It was a
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: great experience. I really enjoyed the concert, and I realized
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: that it wasn't that bad. And I also got to
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: do something I really wanted to do without having to
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: ask anyone else or get permission. And I think that's
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: the beauty of choosing to do things alone is you
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: don't need permission, you don't need to check in, you
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: don't need all of the checks and balances that come
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: along with having or bringing others along. And I think
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: that's a very powerful and empowering moment to learn to
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: enjoy your own company. I want to take the stigma
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: out of it because a lot of people think it's loneliness.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: It's not loneliness. It is self connectivity. Yeah, that's what
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: it is, it's connecting with yourself. It's a healthy thing
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: to do. So I am going to a encourage you
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: if you haven't done anything alone in a while on purpose,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: try it. Here are two things I believe happen when
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: you do this one. It helps you to reconnect with yourself.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Intentional time alone is a gift. Whether it's taking a walk,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: going to a concert like I said I did that before,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: or choosing that solo travel That's still on my bucket
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: list of things that I want to do because I
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: want to enjoy that quiet. I want to be present
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: with myself. And when you're present with yourself, you're present
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: with the inner workings of yourself. And I know for
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: a lot of people it's hard to be in that
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: space because a lot of things may be coming up.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: But what I've found to be the truth is that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: it helps me really get quiet and settle into my
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: own thoughts. Oftentimes I walk away with some new ideas there.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I say I'm a little bit more creative when I'm
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: in my alone time or alone space. Let me give
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: you some research to back it up. There was a
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: recent study of fifty six percent of Americans that's said
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: that alone time is very important for mental health. And
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: if you look across the landscape of this country, there's
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of mental health crises happening. Whether it's in
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: communities or people individually, families or whatever, there's a lot
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: of mental health crisis happening. And many of us are
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: having these many mental crises within our own self. And
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: so that just brings the point and the importance of
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: getting that alone time to reconnect with yourself, because honestly,
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I think it is when we're having these crises moments,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: there is a disconnection somewhere at some point in time,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: because keep in mind, we have exposed ourself because of
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: the way culture is set up to so many external
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: and social factors pun intended. With all the social media
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: and everything is so plugged in, we rarely get to
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: unplug from the world around us. Most of the time.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: We achieve that by going on vacation, and most people
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: go on vacation to plug right back into the system.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: You're trying to get out of the social media, the
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: curated food photos and all the things, as opposed to
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: just being at peace with oneself. You get to enjoy
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: those memories with yourself by yourself, yourself when you decide
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: to do something alone. The other thing that comes with this,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: and I kind of mentioned this at the top of
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: the podcast, is you develop a level of independence, and
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: it builds confidence, and it also builds this inner kind
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: of quiet piece that you get to carry. And I
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: think that's why I've had this kind of way about
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: me for a long time, is because again, I've had
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: to do some things by myself, and I've chosen to
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: do some things by myself. I remember years ago when
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I was a trainer, and you know, when you're a trainer,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: you have At the time, we had a two week
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: class in a city, so I would have to leave
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: my home city travel to a city and where most
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: of my participants or students will be coming in the
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: day of the training class. I would come in a
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: day or two days ahead, so I can pre plan
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: my classroom, I can set things up. I would oftentimes
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: be traveling with a lot of different devices and resources
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: and classrooms set up items. And I just understood in
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: that season of my life, which when I think about
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: that season, I spent a lot of time alone and
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I wasn't intimidated by that time. And I think it's
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: because of my previous experience, but I've learned to appreciate
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: those moments. I look back on those moments fondly. Even
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: though I did a lot of things alone in that season.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I actually had to dine alone, right, because I'm not
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: gonna go out after class with my class, right, don't
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: want to fraternize with my students. But all of that
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: prepping and you know, pouring myself out to these students
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: and shout out to teachers because you have to give
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: yourself away every day. And I did that for two weeks,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: and I could feel that I had, you know, a
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: weekend break in between those two weeks, but I could
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: feel what that means to give yourself away, your full
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: self like mind, body, spirit. I was in front of
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: the class, head of the class, right, and bringing the
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: content and facilitating and being that being for these you know,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: in some cases on max maybe eighteen persons in a
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: comfortable setting, twelve to fifteen persons. But that was the
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: life that I lived. So I remember one of my
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: colleagues and I we were talking one day and we
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: were talking about how that thirty minute window before anybody
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: shows up to class is such a great what we
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: called me time, and we would always talk about having
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: that mean time. We valued that alone time. And again
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I look back fondly on those moments because I had
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: to do a lot of things alone in that season
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: of life, but I also wanted to do things alone
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: in that season of life. So it's important to me
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: that you find time for yourself. What that experience did
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: for me is it built that, like I said, that
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: inner peace and the confidence that I need to eventually
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: take that solo trip. Right. I honestly see this as
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: prioritizing yourself and choosing freedom over everything else, you know,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: being willing to embrace new experiences outside of the expectation
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: of others. And again I went to some great restaurants,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I did some amazing sight seeing in these cities that
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I that I you know, was parked in or was
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: you know, home for two weeks, and I found peace
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: in that space. There's research around us. There's research around
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: us that says that when you spend time alone right,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: healthy time alone, you enjoy greater life satisfaction and lower stress.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: And I like to think that I can relegate my
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: stress pretty good. And I believe it's having this practice
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: of solitude. Solitude by choice. It's an experience that leads
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: you to trust yourself because you have to. You're doing
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: a lot of things on your own. You're made making
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: decision points all the time in that season, and you
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: get to enjoy yourself with yourself, and there is a
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: piece that comes from all of that independence. So I
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: want you to be intentional this week about finding alone
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  Speaker 1: time and doing something in that time to allow yourself
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: to be by yourself, and trusting yourself. When you are
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: by yourself, there is so much you can learn about you.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: There is so much experience of again having that satisfaction
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: of life, and I really want you to explore that.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Explore that in whatever way comes to mind, but be
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: intentional about reflecting on the exercise of showing up for
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: yourself and showing up by yourself. I hope you enjoyed
• 13:22
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• 13:36
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• 15:24
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