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Navigating Grief While Maintaining Boundaries · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
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  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
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  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
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  SPEAKER_01: I know your time is precious, and I really appreciate you tuning in for this episode.
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  SPEAKER_01: And today I actually wanted to do something different.
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  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to compare boundary setting and the stages of boundary setting with the five stages of grief.
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  SPEAKER_01: So one of the stages, and it's important to remember that the five stages of grief is not a linear process.
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  SPEAKER_01: It was not meant to be a linear process.
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  SPEAKER_01: When we're going through grief, we go back and forth through the different stages.
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  SPEAKER_01: And I have found that that's a that seems to be the case with boundary setting as well.
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  SPEAKER_01: But I just want to do a slight comparison here.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the first stage is the first stage of grief is denial and disbelief.
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  SPEAKER_01: So when we're talking about uh grief, we tend to deny that we there has been a loss of something.
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  SPEAKER_01: In boundary setting, there's a parallel.
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  SPEAKER_01: We often find ourselves in denial that a boundary is needed.
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  SPEAKER_01: Especially if we are in a young or a new relationship, or maybe even a workplace relationship, we often resist this idea of setting any type of limit or to communicate what works for us and what doesn't because there is this fear that we might create conflict.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in both stages, there is this resistance whereby there's a resistance to what is actually reality.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in grief, there's a resistance to the actuality that there has been a loss, and in boundary setting, there's a resistance to this idea that a boundary might need to be put in place.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in both situations, there is denial.
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  SPEAKER_01: Another stage of grief is that of uh anger and frustration.
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  SPEAKER_01: In dealing with grief, oftentimes anger does follow denial.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: And again, remember that these kind of come and go, they ebb and flow back and forth, it's not linear, but a lot of times there is a an emotional dam, if you will, that breaks, and there's anger that that follows the loss of somebody or something because of the injustice or the the just the fury that comes with the loss that we've experienced.
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  SPEAKER_01: In boundaries, what we are finding in boundary setting that is, what we find is that there is an anger that comes up when there is an awareness that somebody has pushed a boundary or has pushed you over your limit.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so oftentimes what happens is that there is a set of there is some anger that comes up that this is even having to be uh enacted with somebody else.
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  SPEAKER_01: Um also there might just be anger that we have to assert our limits.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in both scenarios, again, there's this anger response where we just there's a resentment that pops up.
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  SPEAKER_01: Now, in in the third stage of grief, we have bargaining and negotiation.
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  SPEAKER_01: Well, so a lot of times when we're talking about the loss of somebody or something, we negotiate with ourselves, we try to negotiate maybe with a higher power, we it's an attempt to regain some semblance of control.
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  SPEAKER_01: And in boundary setting, it's a negotiation process too.
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  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes there's a desire to find a balance between your own personal needs and the needs of others.
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  SPEAKER_01: And so we negotiate with ourselves and we try to figure out how we can compromise and collaborate to establish these healthy boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in both stages, right, in both stages of grief and boundary setting, there is this um need to try to negotiate, to try to find harmony.
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  SPEAKER_01: Now, in the fourth stage of grief, we refer to that, or it's been referred to as that depression and sadness stage.
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  SPEAKER_01: And when reality sinks in, when we're dealing with grief and we we are able to confront the reality of what has happened, there is a sadness to the loss, and we really come to this place of recognizing that, recognizing our sadness and knowing that things are not going to be the same as they were before.
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  SPEAKER_01: And in boundary setting, there can be sadness because when we are enforcing boundaries, we can recognize sometimes that it might mean that we have to distance ourselves from relationships that don't serve us or that were unhealthy for us in the first place.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And with boundary setting, there are times when we recognize that separation is required, and so there might be some sadness involved in that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: So again, comparing the two, there are in grief, there's the loss itself, there's the the sadness that comes with that, and in boundary setting, it's the acknowledgement that there might be some separation that's required.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then in this the fifth stage of grief, uh it's referred to as the acceptance stage.
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  SPEAKER_01: And in this final stage of loss, it's when we come to this place of acceptance that this is reality.
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  SPEAKER_01: We've into we start to integrate the loss into our lives and we find a way to move forward.
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  SPEAKER_01: And with boundaries, when we are finally working towards successfully communicating, well, setting communicating our boundaries and they're being respected, we we come to this place of acceptance.
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  SPEAKER_01: As a matter of fact, even if they're not being respected, we respect our own boundaries, and that also allows us to come to this place of acceptance, meaning that we're able to recognize that the boundaries that we are setting are actually for ourselves and not really for the other person.
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  SPEAKER_01: We're really giving ourselves permission to act in a form of self-care and act in a very loving way to say, and to really actually build healthy relationships.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in both journeys, both the grief journey and the boundary setting journey, when we get to acceptance, that's when we're starting to integrate and we can start moving on.
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  SPEAKER_01: So in grief, we come to that reality acceptance, radical acceptance, and in boundary setting, it's also about radical acceptance of what somebody is capable of doing and not doing in terms of recognizing our personal limits.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the reason why I wanted to draw this parallel is because oftentimes when we're setting boundaries, it can be really complicated.
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  SPEAKER_01: You know, we we sometimes become aware that we we have we we need a boundary, which can sometimes really make us kind of frustrated that this is even a thing.
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  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we deny that we need that boundary, and then we come to that place of okay, I need to set this boundary, and then we try to assert it, and maybe the person pushes back, and that doesn't feel so good.
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  SPEAKER_01: Just knowing that there are stages of boundary setting uh in relation, like we can relate them back and have the analogy to the five stages of grief because we've as a society we've recognized that there are these different stages of grief.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's giving ourselves permission to recognize that there's going to be stages of boundary setting as well, because it is new.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's something that we may not realize that we need in the first place.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And when we can utilize these parallels of these two human experiences, we actually are creating a deeper understanding of ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: And as you all know, if you've been following me, I will often say that having that deeper understanding of self is the foundation to be able to move forward, not just in your life, but also in building those healthier relationships with others.
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  SPEAKER_01: And it does help us navigate and work through the challenges that life throws at us.
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  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like to talk about boundaries or anything else that you might think that coaching could help you work through in order to live into your best life, I am free to talk at any point in time.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, just book a time to speak with me at coachwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.