Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself | Self-Worth, Healing & Personal Growth with Melissa Crook

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Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself | Self-Worth, Healing & Personal Growth with Melissa Crook · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:12
  Hello, Melissa Crook here from The Field Podcast, joining you
• 0:16
  today. It's season 10 on the Field
• 0:22
  podcast. Can you believe it?
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  I know I can't believe it. I never imagined when I started
• 0:30
  where this journey would take me.
• 0:32
  And here I am with you kicking off season 10.
• 0:36
  Welcome. We wanted to add a little extra
• 0:40
  welcome because season 10 is such an iconic number at that
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  double digit number that I'm so excited about, so proud about,
• 0:51
  so thankful and grateful about. To my team, to our listeners, to
• 0:56
  our supporters, to this network of women that I have been able
• 1:01
  to create around me to show up for each other and support each
• 1:05
  other and bring you resources and information and safe places
• 1:10
  to land to live your healthiest, most authentic, connected life
• 1:17
  to yourself. And that's what we're going to
• 1:19
  continue to do in Season 10. We're going to continue the
• 1:23
  Tuesday offerings that we started in January with.
• 1:26
  You hear from me for 10 to 20 minutes each Tuesday with just
• 1:31
  some reminders of how to show up for yourself and additional
• 1:34
  resources if you need them. And then on Thursday with
• 1:38
  guests, we're going to continue having the conversations that
• 1:42
  are going to help us live out, feel many times we're on topics
• 1:45
  we've been told not to talk about, but we need to talk
• 1:48
  about. We're going to talk about sleep.
• 1:50
  We're going to have more conversations about finances and
• 1:53
  menopause and infertility and pregnancy and what it looks like
• 1:58
  when divorce happens. But then you get to start over
• 2:02
  again and heal and renew what it looks like to bounce back.
• 2:07
  All those resources and conversations and more are going
• 2:10
  to be with you here on the 10th season of Field Podcast.
• 2:15
  So thankful to have you with us. So grateful.
• 2:17
  Let us know what you think. Go to
• 2:19
  thatcontactform@embracinglayers.com and let us know what you think.
• 2:23
  You can follow us on our socials.
• 2:25
  You'll find all those there at embracinglayers.com as well.
• 2:28
  Or if you need any additional support in this, it's all there.
• 2:31
  Again, embracinglayers.com. We've got multiple ways to
• 2:34
  support you through our online courses, me speaking the book
• 2:40
  that we have one-on-one and empowerment sessions and these
• 2:43
  podcast episodes and our Monday panel shows.
• 2:46
  Multiple ways for you to connect with yourself, with other women
• 2:50
  to live your healthiest, most fuel fueled life.
• 2:55
  You are worthy, you are valuable.
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  You get to choose. Welcome to season 10.
• 3:01
  Hello, Melissa Crick here, welcome to the field podcast.
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  This week it's time for a one-on-one empowerment session
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  day. I listened back to what I shared
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  a couple weeks ago a regarding kind of where the field
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  framework came from. And I thought, you know what,
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  this spring, let's slow things down and take a walk through
• 3:24
  each talking point and really break it down individually.
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  And this sometimes can really help people identify, oh, that's
• 3:36
  the thing that's getting me, That's the thing I need some
• 3:39
  support in. That's the thing I need to think
• 3:41
  about more, or this was just exactly what I needed to be
• 3:44
  reminded of today. I'm going to be more intentional
• 3:48
  each week to consider this to make sure I'm applying this to
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  my life, whatever it may be. But rather than talking about
• 3:56
  things and kind of a grouping, just breaking things one down
• 3:59
  one at a time. And I'll do this in different
• 4:02
  ways at different times because you never know what's going to
• 4:04
  hit with different people. And so you're going to hear
• 4:08
  different variations of this from me on here, but but we're
• 4:11
  going to just start over the next several weeks with simply
• 4:15
  going 1 by 1. And I'm going to share it in the
• 4:18
  order that I share it with when I'm utilizing our online course
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  or when I'm speaking to people, it's going to be in a different
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  order than you would hear it on the podcast or if you read our
• 4:30
  book. And I've just found that when
• 4:33
  you're working with people, and I found that I really want them
• 4:37
  to start when I'm working with them, to start with their layers
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  piece because that really lays the foundation of your value.
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  And when you know your value and your worth, you're more likely
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  to prioritize yourself because we prioritize and put in our
• 4:54
  calendars what we value. So today we're going to start
• 4:58
  with embracing your layers. And I talked about a couple
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  weeks ago, kind of I wanted some language that really spoke to
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  the nuance and all the pieces and parts of our story.
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  And layers just really struck A chord with me and it's continues
• 5:14
  to strike a chord with me. And I'm always fascinated to
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  hear what different people's feelings or experiences are with
• 5:22
  their own layers. But we're going to start with
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  layers today. And so welcome into this
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  conversation. So what does this mean?
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  Accepting and embracing all the parts of your life with
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  curiosity rather than judgment, along with acknowledgement,
• 5:42
  grace, and empathy. That curiosity rather than in
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  judgment piece is super key here because we tend to be really
• 5:52
  hard on ourselves. Or if we look back on a season
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  in our life or a decision in our life or something that happened
• 5:58
  to us, we sometimes can really have a lot of fear or anger or
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  shame and we just want it to go away.
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  And the problem with that is that it won't go away until we
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  deal with it, till we allow it to heal, give it space to
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  breathe and need it with compassion and empathy and
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  curiosity. And that can be really difficult
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  with those things that occur in our lives.
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  But it's that slowing down and stepping back and be like, OK,
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  I'm going to get curious about this situation.
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  And I'm going to go back and look at the season of life I was
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  in. And I'm going to be gentle with
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  myself. And if it's a decision I made,
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  I'm going to look at who was around me at the time, who was
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  influencing me, who was impacting me, Where was I in my
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  own journey of trusting myself, knowing myself, knowing my worth
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  and value, and getting curious about that.
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  And then that allows us to see us through a lens of, oh, OK,
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  well, still don't love the decision, still don't love the
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  the choice I made here or the choice that I allowed to be made
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  for me. And also I see why that happened
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  now with it. When it's something bad that
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  happens to us, that can be more difficult.
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  And so it becomes a decision of if something bad happened to me,
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  I cannot change that. If something bad happened to me,
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  that was not something that was in my control because we don't
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  deserve bad things to happen to us, deserve being the word.
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  Now we can have consequences with decisions, so I want to be
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  clear about that. There are consequences when we
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  make decisions that are harmful, but I'm talking about the things
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  we don't have control of, whether it's someone left us as
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  a child, abandoned us, we were abused in any way, whether it
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  was sexually or physically or emotionally or mentally or
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  financially or all of the above. We were and and we have a choice
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  from there on how we're going to move forward.
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  Are we going to stay stuck and allow that anger and sadness and
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  fear to to just hang with this and be heavy in our hearts?
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  Are we going to invite ourselves to be curious about how we can
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  move forward and heal and not let that continue to define and
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  impact in a harmful way the way we live out our lives?
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  So it's just going back and all those different things that
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  curiosity rather than judgement. And again, that makes, and this
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  can take time and this may awaken you to other help you
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  might need, like going through these resources may just be the
• 9:03
  thing that supports you. But you might need to dig a
• 9:05
  little deeper with a therapist or somebody to get more
• 9:08
  intentional. But this at least gives you the
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  invitation to start thinking about that and really seeing
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  that your value is in all these different parts and pieces of
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  your story that make up who you are and how you move through
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  life with them and how you embrace them.
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  And we don't have to love all the layers, but getting to a
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  point of acceptance that this is how it is and how can I move
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  forward in a healthy honoring way to myself.
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  So that's really gives you a little bit more insight to that.
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  So some ways to engage with this to really bring this to light
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  and really enable you to ask yourself the questions that help
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  you to dive into this. Write down the parts of you that
• 10:01
  you like and then the parts of you that you need help
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  embracing. Just start there.
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  And that might be what I want to say on this is there's no time
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  frame on this. The only time frame on it is the
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  time frame you need to allow yourself to process, to not
• 10:17
  overwhelm your system, and that you get to decide that this is
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  your choice. It's your like you get to choose
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  how you go about this. And so it's that balance of
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  continuing to move forward with things that feel doable, but not
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  stopping and getting stuck and letting fear be the dictator of
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  how we proceed, letting that curiosity and compassion and
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  empathy come into play. So after so writing down those
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  things and identifying those things that you need some help
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  accepting, acknowledging for those that you of you that
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  struggle with this, try naming something you've learned from
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  that character trader experience that has been difficult.
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  What's something that you've learned about yourself, about
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  spaces, places, humanity, whatever it is?
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  What is something that you've learned and is that true or is
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  that what you were told you were supposed to take away?
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  Just get breaking it down a little bit more trying to find
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  that thing that you've learned and making sure it's coming from
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  you and not outside voices that are trying to influence your
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  answers. And then get curious about why
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  that particular area is hard for you.
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  Embrace and be curious about rather than judgement.
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  What is it about that? So, for example, I, I, I made a
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  decision when I was in late high school and into college about a
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  relationship. And I had been told by my faith
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  space and by the, the cultural narrative I lived in, in my
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  community in that and my parents that this thing was a bad
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  decision, a sinful decision. And that by making that
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  decision, I was now dirty and I needed to repent for that
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  decision. But I was always going to be a
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  little bit damaged goods, even though that was not at all the,
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  the truth that the God I've come to know would speak to me.
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  I was very and so for years I had a really hard time with that
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  and I had to start really unpacking.
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  Is that true or is that just the fear based narrative that that
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  place religion space was utilizing to control me, to try
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  to make me behave the way they wanted me to?
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  And so that's, and so I was able to meet that young woman at that
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  age with like, oh, This is why I've been so shameful about
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  this. This is why I've been so fearful
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  and secretive. And I haven't shared it because
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  when I did share it with people I trusted in my family, I was
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  made to feel very guilty about it.
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  And instead of like, wow, we realized that was really hard
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  for you to say. How can we support you?
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  Instead, it was a very much the opposite.
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  So I had to realize that that was about them and not me, and
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  that I had to realize that I carried so much shame because
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  I've been carrying narratives about this actually were not
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  true. I all of us make mistakes.
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  None of us are perfect, but this did not make me inherently
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  lesser, less valuable, less worthy, less beautiful, less
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  acceptable, less of a, of a wonderful human being.
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  So that's, those are that's some kind of examples that might be
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  able to help you. So getting curious, are you
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  showing yourself compassion or being very critical of yourself?
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  And again, that just leads you back to so why?
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  What was I hearing around me? What was I taught?
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  What was I told that was leading me down this way?
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  And then a loving reminder that none of us are perfect and none
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  of us go through this life unscathed.
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  We are worthy of love, we are worthy of acceptance, we are
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  worthy of empathy. And we are accountable for the
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  choices we make in our lives to move forward, to not stay stuck,
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  to not stay in victim mode, do not stay in shame mode, to not
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  stay in fear mode. We get to make decisions about
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  that and, and, and the, and so part of this work is owning that
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  we have to be accountable to ourselves to move into a
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  different space in order to do this.
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  But we can do it. You can be accountable and kind
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  at the same time. You can be an accountable with
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  love, with acceptance, with empathy, with curiosity.
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  It doesn't have to be this harsh punishment or judgement on
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  ourselves that so many of us have carried with us.
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  There's a way to do this in a way that's loving, kind,
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  acceptable and that creates safety in our nervous systems to
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  open up and really get curious and allow these these spaces and
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  places in ourselves to breathe and and be released and be
• 15:29
  processed so we're worthy of love, acceptance and empathy.
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  We get to choose and we have to and we're accountable and
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  responsible for making these choices for ourself.
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  Think about the ways you are hard on yourself and then ask if
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  you'd be that hard on someone else, a friend, a child, a
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  sibling, a Co worker. If one of them brought your
• 15:53
  situation to you and it was the one they were having, what would
• 15:57
  you say to them? We will find 9 times out of 10
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  we're like, oh wow, I was so much kinder, so much more
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  understanding, so less hard on her.
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  That applies to me too. And, and so practicing that, and
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  this can take time and, and, and this can take a lot of
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  intentional looking yourself in the mirror and just repeating to
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  yourself, I'm worthy of love. I am worthy of acceptance.
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  I am worthy of empathy. I, I, I get to make a choice of
• 16:31
  not living in shame and fear. I get to decide this for myself.
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  And I'm going to do that because I know that my worth is not
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  determined by one decision that wasn't right or one thing that
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  happened to me that was really harmful.
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  I am a collection of all these things.
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  And my worth is because I exist, because I was born, because I
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  have life. And then lastly, this can also
• 17:02
  be a really helpful way for you to reframe how you see yourself
• 17:07
  and what it is you'll be willing to embrace when you're able to
• 17:09
  go back to what you would say to that friend, to that Co worker,
• 17:14
  to your daughter, your sister, your child, whoever it is in
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  your life. That's like, oh, OK, so I'm
• 17:23
  going to remove myself a little bit here.
• 17:26
  And anytime I catch myself being judgmental or hard, I'm going to
• 17:29
  think about what would I say to this, this other person and how
• 17:33
  can I apply that to me? And so those are some ways for
• 17:39
  you to really start thinking about your layers, getting
• 17:44
  curious. And like I said, you're going to
• 17:46
  need to give yourself time. I recommend having a journal or
• 17:49
  a place you can write it down. I recommend actually using a pen
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  to write it down rather than a tablet or your phone because it
• 18:01
  just there's a a cognitive connection when we physically
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  write something. But if you don't have that
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  accessible, you're not comfortable with that, then then
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  wherever it is, but having some place where you're really
• 18:12
  tracking this and you're and you're also, as you go through
• 18:17
  and and pack these layers, you're tracking your wins daily.
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  I want that to be something that's that you want you adopt
• 18:24
  right now that we're going. That's how we're going to wrap
• 18:27
  this up today. Each day you're going to write
• 18:31
  down one win, and that win might be, I took some time to get
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  curious about this layer today rather than pushing it away and
• 18:41
  ignoring it. I am choosing to be curious
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  about this layer rather than judgmental.
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  That might be your win, and that's a win because you're
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  engaging because we cannot heal and acknowledge the spaces that
• 18:55
  we're not giving breath and time to.
• 18:58
  We've got to give them air. We've got to give them a, like I
• 19:01
  said, acknowledgement. So as you wrap up this, thinking
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  about your layers, track those wins daily, that one win each
• 19:09
  day, and then use this script as a way to unpack them.
• 19:15
  And if you want more resources to support you, you want some
• 19:18
  tangible things, go to embracinglayers.com.
• 19:21
  This is part of our online courses that we have in our
• 19:25
  workbooks. It's also laid out in our book.
• 19:28
  There's all kinds that you can work with me one-on-one or just
• 19:33
  listen back to this and write them down yourself.
• 19:34
  Whatever it is that supports you and helps you, there's multiple
• 19:38
  ways. Sometimes it helps to have an
• 19:39
  accountability partner to help you in this.
• 19:42
  You can help each other and support each other, but I hope
• 19:45
  this introduction to layers and why they're important in you
• 19:48
  really establishing your value. Value and knowing that you're
• 19:52
  valuable and worthy is such an important component of this
• 19:56
  field journey. Take good care and I'll see you
• 19:58
  next time here on the Field Podcast.
• 20:02
  Hello and thank you so much for being with us today on this
• 20:06
  episode of the Feel Podcast. If you would like more
• 20:09
  information on how you can apply these talking points that I
• 20:14
  share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
• 20:18
  utilize this Feel framework, go to embracinglayers.com, fill out
• 20:24
  our contact form, and let's set up a free 30 minute consultation
• 20:29
  to talk about how you can start being your most authentic,
• 20:34
  organic, healthy feel fueled life.
• 20:38
  Thanks again for being with us today.
• 20:40
  We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
• 20:43
  Podcast.