Latest / Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute / 39: Navigating ADHD and Demand Avoidance in Relationships

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39: Navigating ADHD and Demand Avoidance in Relationships · Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services and Blueprint Institute

0:00
Hey guys, it's good to hang out with you.
0:02
I am very excited. I have Alana as a guest or me as
0:06
her guest on the podcast. We're splitting up between our
0:08
two podcasts and we're talking about ADHD and specifically a
0:12
part of ADHD, which is demand avoidance when it comes to your
0:16
relationships. Often navigating conflict has a
0:19
lot to do with my partner's requests, and often when she
0:23
shares a request, that's how I perceive that request or might
0:26
be a boundary, might be anything.
0:28
So we're going to define that. So if you find yourself really
0:32
struggling with somebody laying down a boundary or making a
0:36
request, we're going to talk about that today.
0:38
So looking forward to it. Welcome to Beyond the Facade
0:43
podcast. I'm your host, Luke Gordon, and
0:46
I'm thrilled to have you join me in the space today.
0:48
What we're going to be doing is diving deep into the trials and
0:51
triumphs and truths of seeking authenticity.
0:54
Becoming your true self isn't about a single action or a
0:56
moment. It's a relentless pursuit, a
0:59
commitment to self that reveals a rich connection and meaning
1:02
that our life has to offer. So whether this is your first
1:05
time tuning in or you're a regular listener, know this.
1:08
What you're building here goes beyond a conversation.
1:11
You're here to challenge, to change, and to celebrate the
1:14
incredible journey of becoming your authentic self.
1:17
Because when you dare to show up fully, the rewards are
1:19
immeasurable. So welcome to be on the facade.
1:22
Let's get started. Hello, and welcome to This Week.
1:27
This week is a funny one for me because Luke is here joining us.
1:34
Luke Gordon, you've been a regular on our podcast over the
1:38
years. And whenever you come, we always
1:41
get a lot of good feedback. And I think one of the gifts you
1:45
have is a lot of men relate to you because you're willing to
1:50
talk about what's on your mind. And I think it's really helpful.
1:54
But what is entertaining to me is I invited Luke on today.
1:57
I said, hey, you want to jump on the podcast with me?
2:01
But he actually has no idea what we're talking about.
2:04
So what you're going to get today is really in just an
2:07
authentic discussion and Luke just knows he's being
2:11
interviewed and he's here. We should make it 2 topics today
2:15
by the way. 2 topics. Two topics, the one where you
2:19
say the person, the ADHD where you say no to everything like
2:22
no, no, no, because I think that would be really useful to talk
2:26
about sometime, I mean. You know what?
2:28
It's your podcast, OK. So here we go.
2:31
Like we're going to reroute live.
2:35
I'm going to tell everybody what happened 15 minutes ago.
2:40
So Luke and I both work in the same office and he popped into
2:44
my office at the end of his work day.
2:46
I was about done. And I said, hey, do you want to
2:49
record a podcast episode with me?
2:51
And I? We've been talking about you
2:53
coming on our podcast now. How many like two months of us
2:57
going, you're going to come on, you're going to come on.
3:00
And we've probably scheduled it a handful of times and we just
3:05
keep not doing it. But I said to you, I said, hey,
3:08
do you want to record a podcast? And I looked at you and what I
3:13
saw is your face fall and your shoulders fall.
3:17
And then what did you say to me? Shoot, I'm trying to remember
3:22
what I said I. Don't remember either, that's
3:24
why I asked. By the way, for those of you
3:28
don't know what time it is, because it's not like this is
3:29
live. It's the end of the day, right?
3:31
I'm ready to go home, ready to go see the kids.
3:34
When I want to ask that to me, I'm like, I'd really like to be
3:37
boundaried and stick to my plan, which is I'm done with work now,
3:41
I'm going to go be with my family.
3:43
And yet we've asked a lot of time.
3:44
So I'm having this battle inside of my head and Alana is getting
3:49
it. She's hearing parts of it.
3:52
Because one thing you said is you said is I said no, no, no,
3:58
not in those words. No, no, no is what you heard.
4:01
And on the 4th one, it was a yes.
4:04
The fourth time it was a yes. But it was all just kind of like
4:07
out loud as we went through it. Well, and, and here's why we're
4:12
bringing this up because if you might be listening, you're like,
4:16
OK, what's the point of this? Luke has ADHD and the majority
4:23
of clients I work with who have sexual addiction, the majority
4:28
of them have ADHD. And there's something called
4:32
demand avoidance that I see often that comes often in
4:38
conjunction with ADHD that is that automatic saying no to
4:43
things. And when I first learned that
4:48
this came with ADHD, it was, it made so much sense to me because
4:53
the amount of times that I've known you and I've asked you the
4:57
question, some question, will you listen to this?
5:00
Will you read this? Will you come and do this even
5:04
if you don't say no? I read your body and I see
5:09
couples do this all the time. They're reading each other's
5:11
body language whether they recognize it or not.
5:14
And so I don't even think you verbally said No 3 or 4 times.
5:18
But I watched your body language and so my brain registered no,
5:21
no, no, no, no, no. So I want to talk about this
5:25
piece that shows up for you of this almost automatic.
5:29
I don't want to do it. Yeah.
5:31
And then what you do with that? But I think a little bit of the
5:34
science behind it, I have an avoidant attachment in certain
5:39
ways. And so ADHD and manifests in
5:42
like it's an avoidance like to tasks like request demands
5:47
because there's a lot of, in that moment, a lot of feelings
5:50
like overwhelm. So I'm feeling very unpleasant
5:52
when a lot of makes that request and she reads it all over my
5:55
body and inside I feel dysregulated, like it's
5:58
unmanageable, like all the things that are coming up for
6:01
me. So a lot of sensory stuff, a lot
6:03
of dysregulation. And if we think about like that
6:06
executive functioning part of the brain, that's the part they
6:09
struggle with the frontal cortex, the executive thinking.
6:12
So what Alana gets something thrown at her, she's like
6:15
problem solving it right away. And she's like a proactive
6:18
approach to the like, hey, how could I accomplish this?
6:20
And me, it's there's a level of overwhelm, but because I value
6:27
Alana, what she's got in this and this hasn't always been the
6:31
case. What I value Alana is I'm like,
6:34
I do want to be there for I do want to be there.
6:38
But also with past and history, there's a lot of, there's a lot
6:42
of things tied up in this. Anyway, I just wanted to share a
6:45
little about the ADHD piece. Well, yeah.
6:47
And demand avoidance is a tendency to avoid everyday
6:53
demands. It's common of ADHD and autism,
6:57
but in its like more extreme form they actually have a term
7:00
for it called pathological demand avoidance or PDA.
7:06
But we get it in these everyday experiences, and I think this is
7:13
a really important thing to understand when we are trying to
7:19
heal from be trial trauma and sexual addiction.
7:23
Because if we have these other elements at play, like the
7:28
rejection sensitivity that comes with ADHD, the demand avoidance,
7:32
if these are coming to play as a betrayed partner, if I'm not
7:38
aware that this is happening, I will find myself taking
7:42
everything personal. So in that moment just now where
7:47
I asked you to do it, I made that invitation again.
7:51
And then I read all over your body, you don't want to do it.
7:54
Instantly, Instantly my brains like, OK, never mind.
7:59
Never mind. We're not going to do it.
8:01
And by this time, you had already worked through
8:04
internally. Yes, the initial reaction is a
8:08
no, but then you slow down the process, you work through it and
8:13
you get to this place and then choosing, OK, do I really, do I
8:17
want to go home? Do I need to rest or do I want
8:20
to do this? So yes, there's this initial Sam
8:23
on the brakes, but then you sit there at the light, you think it
8:26
through and make your decision. But by that time I had already
8:30
switched gears and I was like, never mind, I shouldn't have
8:33
asked, or I don't want to ask, or you already said no and now
8:38
I've rerouted. In the circumstance you went,
8:43
you went, hold on. That was demand avoidance.
8:46
I say no automatically. Give me a minute.
8:48
Let me make this choice and it made me stop and go, oh hold on,
8:54
You were like, let me make decisions for myself.
8:57
Is that what? You said I'm not going to get it
9:01
the exact way, but it's like, hold on, you asked me.
9:04
I would like to make a decision for myself.
9:06
Don't take it back away from me. I'd like to choose some version
9:09
of that. And that's funny too, because
9:12
even the way I just described it was a little snarky.
9:15
And the way you just described it actually is what happened.
9:19
So you had a pretty healthy response.
9:21
And I was a little bit already pulled back from that and I
9:27
missed that. And we share this to show like
9:30
how many opportunities that, I mean, that's a terrible word,
9:34
but opportunities to miss each other here.
9:37
And then for someone where I'm not highly activated and
9:41
constantly going through the lens of Luke's out to get me,
9:45
Luke's out to get me, which I was when I was in the thick of
9:49
my betrayal. And so if you're going through
9:53
this and you have this element at plague and you're trying to
9:56
heal from betrayal, it can get really messy really fast.
10:01
Yeah. Ilana, is it OK if I spend a
10:04
little bit of time talking about the, the cause of the demand
10:07
avoidance? Because what I'm thinking about
10:10
is the partner, partner in healing is what they might
10:15
notice if they like had the information about what demand
10:19
avoidance is. Can I share a couple things that
10:21
I've experienced? Yes, but can I give a quick
10:24
disclaimer first? Yeah.
10:27
We're not excusing any of this behavior.
10:29
That's. What I was going to say.
10:31
OK, good. Because that's where I wanted to
10:33
go. Is I?
10:35
Even as I was talking earlier, I'm like, hold on.
10:38
I got to stop myself and explain that just because this is
10:43
happening doesn't mean that you get a free pass to always just
10:47
say no and I should just instantly go like oh he gets to
10:50
do whatever he wants without having an impact.
10:53
Absolutely, yeah, because at least to be aware of what
10:59
they're experiencing. But there still is their
11:01
responsibility inside that to be relational, right?
11:05
So nobody gets a pass here, but I would want the person who's in
11:10
a relationship with a person that has ADHD that experience
11:13
that demand avoidance of knowing what they experience.
11:16
Not so you can give them a pass or give them like a hug as much
11:21
as it just being aware of what they need to work through to be
11:24
relational just along. Do you have any comments on
11:27
before I share some of it? That I just actually was going
11:30
to say, can you show that down and go more in depth of what's
11:33
happening within you? Or if there is somebody who has
11:37
problematic sexual behavior and ADHD and does this, what do they
11:40
do with that? Yeah.
11:42
So let's just set the stage here.
11:44
So end of the day just got done with a group clients throughout
11:47
the day, just much stuff going on.
11:49
So it's Monday, right? I'm not necessarily completely
11:53
inside of my window of tolerance.
11:54
The end of the day, there's some anxiety, some overwhelm and
11:58
that's easy for me to lead to some avoidance.
12:00
When Alana makes a request, there's a task here associated
12:04
with it that is going to need normal patterns of avoidance in
12:08
that. So what I'm experiencing inside
12:10
my brain is in that emotional dysregulation, I have difficulty
12:16
like organizing and prioritizing and initiating like tasks.
12:21
So that simple demand that Alana gave, which is, hey, can you do
12:24
this? I'm like, boom.
12:26
Like I'm like, Oh my gosh. So still my responsibility, not
12:31
Alana's, this is mine. So she doesn't need to cater
12:34
that to me. She doesn't need to do anything
12:36
but that. That's my responsibility.
12:38
But this is the triggers, that rejection sensitivity piece that
12:42
we're touching on. So for me, I have that feeler
12:44
fear of failure and that like criticism.
12:46
So like, OK, why am I going to do this?
12:49
And I really have to slow it down for myself in that moment.
12:51
OK, if you say yes to Alana, why are you saying it?
12:55
Are you saying it to avoid uncomfortable conversations?
12:59
Are you doing it to appease her? Are you doing it from a values
13:03
place of doing what you said you were going to do?
13:06
What is it? And really checking that levels
13:09
of the sensitivity I have around what if I don't do it?
13:13
Or what if I do it? And the other piece of this is
13:16
like sensory overload. Like in that moment, there's
13:20
task related stimuli feels so overwhelming unless it's my
13:27
task. Oh my gosh, I just feel bad for
13:31
Alana. I'm not shaming myself by the
13:34
way, but if it's a task coming out of another place, like it's
13:38
stimuli that's overwhelming if I'm in a dysregulated spot.
13:43
So in really a lot of this has to do with like levels of
13:46
dopamine and ADHD brain seeks activities that are going to
13:51
give me that hit especially like towards that.
13:54
So this experience isn't necessarily maybe that at that
13:57
moment. So that can often be like
14:01
trigger something else inside of me.
14:02
So I just wanted to share a little bit what happens inside
14:04
my brain and I feel like I need to say a lot.
14:07
That's a lot of information that would lead to compassion for
14:09
partner, but I don't want to take away the accountability
14:12
because what I do in that moment.
14:15
Is, yeah. Like what is the responsibility
14:18
of you in that moment? Yes, you have this rejection
14:21
sensitivity. Yes, you have ADHD.
14:24
Yes, that comes with this demand avoidance.
14:27
Like all of these things are part of a diagnosed condition.
14:33
But what is your responsibility to do with that?
14:36
My responsibility is to stop, notice and create dialogue
14:48
around what I'm experiencing and what I'm going to do that is
14:52
transparent, that has some clarity, right?
14:55
And I didn't really do that well in some of this.
14:59
Some of it I did well with and some of it I didn't, which is,
15:02
wait, hold on. It's the end of the day.
15:05
I feel a little bit tired. I want to help.
15:08
And you know why I don't say that stuff?
15:10
It's because I'm scared of what I'll see on her face if I start
15:14
voicing some emotions. But that's not my responsibility
15:18
to still be real with myself and still be able to be open and not
15:22
putting that on her and communicate it.
15:24
So my responsibility is those are my emotions, not hers, and
15:28
to slow down to be able to talk about them and be open with
15:31
them. And that's relational.
15:32
That's the relational piece of it and that and the integrity
15:36
portion of it. That's really helpful and I
15:40
appreciate that. And I love that each person is
15:43
taking ownership and responsibility for their
15:46
feelings. And I think about for me, I
15:52
won't say for all partners, but just some dynamics that we have
15:55
had as you were talking and you were saying we do what I want to
15:59
do. I was like we do because you and
16:03
I recorded a podcast together a week ago.
16:06
And guess whose podcast we recorded?
16:09
Shame yours. We did your podcast when I've
16:15
been the one asking for however long and recognizing that I was
16:23
in a place of, oh, at least he's recording with me.
16:25
Cool. I'm just going to this is good
16:27
because it's a topic I wanted to talk about, which we did, but it
16:31
went out on your podcast. And so I have to still own for
16:36
me of OK, what is important to me to have you come on the
16:42
podcast and get to the episode that's going to come next after
16:46
this because we switched to this.
16:47
But this is good because this is real time, but it I still have
16:52
to own for me what's important to me and then speak up for
16:57
that. And so this was important to me
17:01
to have you come on the podcast to follow through with that.
17:04
Not going to force you to be here.
17:05
You still have the choice to do that.
17:08
But some of my default patterns in the past have been just kind
17:11
of like, oh, if he doesn't make it happen, I've asked him if he
17:16
doesn't make it happen, then whatever, it's just not going to
17:20
happen. Almost this like give up.
17:23
And so I have to own of no, I value this.
17:26
It's important to me and I will speak up for what I want and
17:30
then I'm going to let that go of what he chooses to do.
17:34
But even in our interaction today, there was this, I made
17:37
the offer. He wasn't overly excited
17:40
initially. There was this give up.
17:44
And then when you came back and said, hold on, I realize what's
17:48
happening for me, actually, I do choose to do this.
17:52
I had this little mini internal battle going, do I want to now
17:56
do this? And then I had to go, no, I
17:58
actually really do. I value this.
18:01
So I am going to step into what I value and I'm going to trust
18:06
that he did his own work to be able to show up and do this.
18:10
And if you didn't do your own work and you resented me later
18:13
for it, which you could, that those never been down.
18:18
That road before. Yeah, the but that would be your
18:22
feelings and your responsibility.
18:24
So there's this healthy dynamic where each of us are allowing
18:28
ourselves to experience and feel our own feelings, and we're
18:32
allowing the other person to feel and experience their own
18:35
feelings, and we're not owning each other's experience.
18:39
Yeah. We're understanding the impact,
18:41
we're seeing the impact, we're having empathy for the impact,
18:46
but we're not taking on each other's feelings.
18:49
I just think it's cool. The amount of fighting for
18:51
values that was done, the amount of fighting for healthy, like it
18:54
was just it's cool. I just think it's awesome, by
18:57
the way. Can you explain what you mean
18:59
fighting for values? Because I know some people will
19:01
hear that and think fighting like contention, but I know
19:04
that's not what you mean. I know, I know and thanks for
19:07
calling that out. Oh my gosh, this might not make
19:10
any sense to everybody. ADHD brain.
19:12
I love it. OK, there's this interview
19:14
that's done just a clip of Keanu Reeves and he talks about love
19:19
and he's like, have you ever been in love?
19:21
And you've had to fight for love?
19:22
If you ever loved, you fought, you fought for love.
19:25
He's like you. You fight like that's intimacy,
19:27
that's connection. If you have it, you have to
19:29
fight for it. It doesn't come easy.
19:31
And I was like, I was thinking about what we cared about.
19:34
We cared about ourselves, not the selfish way.
19:37
We cared about self being healthy and we cared about we
19:41
cared about what we said we were going to do for each other
19:43
showing up in that experience. And and that was a fight, not a
19:47
fight. Is in conflict a fight where
19:50
it's the right word, Alana? I think you said it before,
19:52
honoring our values. And it wasn't, it didn't come
19:57
easy. It didn't come effortlessly.
20:00
So I'm using, I'm trying to find a fight, to find a word to
20:03
demonstrate the the effort. Yeah.
20:08
And it doesn't come easy. Can I give a word instead of I
20:15
don't love the word, but what I'm hearing is like this higher
20:18
level of engagement, this higher level of commitment to be able
20:24
to sit with discomfort and work through the hard.
20:28
Yeah, yeah. Sit, sit with it and it's and it
20:33
and seeing and it's worth it. I guess that's what I want to
20:36
say is it's worth it. Yeah.
20:39
And I'm, I'm sorry about the podcast that we recorded one for
20:43
me and not for you, so. Well, in your defense, you did
20:48
offer it to be released on both of our podcasts at the same
20:51
time, but it didn't work out with Amy and I schedule.
20:55
So it's totally fine. And I love this.
21:00
I love that it gives a real opportunity for live back and
21:04
forth action because sometimes there's this idea of Luke and I,
21:08
we come on these podcasts and it's like, let let us talk as
21:12
professionals and tell you what healing looks like and show you
21:15
all the ways that we are just. He'll then talk about like we're
21:20
human. You have ADHD, which comes with
21:23
some real perks and some real challenges.
21:27
I am human and I have my own different version of ADHD.
21:32
I have my betrayal that still gets activated.
21:34
I still have my forms of rejection that get activated
21:38
because we're human. And so here we are each
21:42
navigating these human experiences and we're able to
21:47
show up and say, OK, let's let you look in a little bit and see
21:52
how we navigate this. Yeah, yeah.
21:56
So just encircling back to it. So I don't know, I think my
22:01
brain still rewiring, my brain still trying harder to be
22:06
relational in my life. And one thing I just recognize
22:12
is that my knee jerk response often to the people that I care
22:16
about the matter to me is no. And my no doesn't actually mean
22:20
no. It means I'm thinking and what
22:23
I'm struggling, I'm battling. So it's important for me to
22:27
communicate that and to know this about myself and to be able
22:30
to say, have intimate conversations with somebody
22:32
around that of let me tell you what experience.
22:35
Because if you're engaging with me intimately, my typically knee
22:38
jerk response to like everything, ask me if I want
22:41
chocolate ice cream is no, even though I love it is because this
22:44
is my experience. It's important to know that
22:46
about ourselves, to communicate that to somebody else.
22:49
Do you know, I remember the first time that I talked to you
22:51
about demand avoidance with ADHD, you were like, are you
22:56
kidding me? That is so my experience and I
23:01
remember it so much because my brain went, man, if he could
23:07
figure this out about himself, that would be huge.
23:10
And does that mean that the demand avoidance goes away?
23:13
No. But once you got that awareness,
23:16
then you could Start learning about yourself and slowing that
23:20
process down and that to me, that's what healing looks.
23:23
Like I'll take the good part. The really good part besides
23:26
connection with you is I see it my youngest child, like I'm
23:33
going to get emotional talk about this, but he experiences
23:38
ADHD and he's always like, hey, dude, can you like take out the
23:42
trash or can you, I don't know, can you walk over here like
23:45
anything? And he's like, you know, it's
23:48
like demand avoidance. And I can see that inside of
23:51
him, that battle, that struggle. And then, yeah, he does.
23:55
He comes to it. But it's important for me as a
23:57
father to know his experience. And like, I'm grateful I can
24:01
learn a little bit about him through my own experience.
24:05
What was the emotion that came up with that?
24:10
Think there's a lot of emotion around gratefulness for
24:18
information that hits another level that turns into clarity.
24:21
So it'll allow for connection with other people.
24:24
Because if I can't have clarity about my experience, it tends to
24:27
create disconnection with other people.
24:30
So if I gain some clarity, I have hope like to go, oh, OK,
24:36
let's try again. So I thought was me wanting to
24:40
connect with my son, like, I can do this because my youngest,
24:43
because of that demand avoidance, he doesn't just get
24:45
in line. He doesn't just do what dad
24:47
says. And that for me, I'm like,
24:50
you're supposed to. I'm the boss.
24:51
That's like my major family of origin stuff.
24:55
And so now I feel, or I maybe felt powerless or hopeless.
24:59
Like what do I do with this in this relationship that creates
25:02
some hope, Yeah. Yeah, and healing in your
25:06
relationship with him, which will go perfectly until when I
25:11
have you next time because I'm going to interview you
25:15
specifically on that of using some of the tools that we're
25:20
learning in recovery with your kids and how we can do that and
25:24
what that can look like. Well, Luke, thank you for your
25:28
vulnerability and coming on and sharing real with all of our
25:33
listeners. And for our listeners, we're so
25:36
not perfect. We're so not like growth and
25:42
healing is a lifelong journey. And while we are not where we
25:46
were years ago, we are still humans navigating this planet
25:52
Earth and navigating relationships.
25:54
And relationships take work, All of them so.
25:58
Worth it? Yeah, thank you.
26:01
Thank you again for coming. Thank you to our listeners.
26:04
And as always, thanks for hanging out with us this week
26:08
and we look forward to seeing you all next week.
26:12
I choose recovery. We do a lot of intensives, but
26:15
there is one in particular that I am so excited about.
26:19
It is the rebuilding us intensive.
26:21
And this is for couples who have been through betrayal, but have
26:25
put in a lot of work and are ready to dive into some deeper
26:29
emotional work, but they feel like there's something missing,
26:34
that they need that extra support to take their
26:36
relationship to the next level. So this intensive, it's going to
26:40
be in Phoenix, AZ March 26th to 29th.
26:44
So it'll be a gorgeous time of year depending on where you're
26:47
at in the world. Come get some sunshine.
26:50
What we'll be doing is we'll be using tools from emotionally
26:53
focused Therapy, doing the Hold Me Tight workshop intermixed
26:57
with lots of experiential activities, things like drum
27:01
making and rappelling and different activities that are
27:07
going to allow you an opportunity to really see each
27:12
other work together and come and build something brand new.
27:17
Because that's what we're doing here is we're not trying to go
27:19
back to the way the relationship was.
27:21
We're not trying to go back to old patterns.
27:23
No, we're trying to break those patterns that weren't working
27:26
and do something different and get that deeper level of
27:30
intimacy. So if that's something that you
27:33
would like in your relationship, you can go to
27:35
chooserecoveryservices.com under intensives.
27:38
You'll see the intensives for the whole year.
27:40
But this one again is the rebuilding US intensive and you
27:43
can come hang out with myself and Hallie Roderick, Morgan
27:47
Ellsworth and Luke Gordon. It will be a small, intimate
27:50
group, so you will get lots of one-on-one support along with
27:54
being able to connect with others who are on the journey
27:57
with you. Hey guys, I am super excited to
28:02
talk to you about our latest intensive that we have coming
28:05
up. It's called Men's Journey to
28:06
Wholeness. Prior to this, many of you
28:08
attended Unmasked and Men's Journey to Wholeness is the next
28:13
level of recovery. It's more of phase two recovery.
28:16
It's a relationship with self so we can have a relationship with
28:18
others. You're welcome to join us in the
28:20
beautiful Spanish Fork area and we are going to be having this
28:24
on March 12th to the 14th. But let me tell you a little bit
28:27
about it. What's a three day intensive?
28:29
There's going to be a lot of transformational connection
28:32
going on. That's going to be the focus.
28:34
We're going to dive into the work and we're going to have a
28:38
pretty intense schedule. So here's going to attend.
28:40
We're open to all men. So whether you attended the
28:42
Unmasked intensive or not, it's OK.
28:45
But the focus is we're going to be building deeper relationship
28:48
with yourself. A lot of times men are trying to
28:53
kill that part of them that made these horrible choices.
28:55
They don't like that part of them.
28:57
We're going to identify that part of us, and we're going to
29:02
allow us to see something that we haven't seen before.
29:06
We're going to understand that the healing the wounds of those
29:09
parts of ourselves that is actually being carried in a
29:12
burden, and we're going to create some awareness around it.
29:15
We're going to learn about how your protective parts protect
29:19
and how they've shielded you from things and how they're
29:21
still shielding you from things. And we're going to release some
29:25
of those burdens. The principles are wired by the
29:28
book, no bad parts. There's going to be activities,
29:31
there's going to be experiential workshops, there's going to be
29:33
hands on exercises. There's going to be a lot of
29:36
guidance, support. There'll be a couple surprises
29:39
and you won't be sworn to secrecy, but it's going to be
29:41
pretty fun to see everybody engage in the type of activities
29:44
we have coming up for you. And let me tell you what a fair
29:48
outcome might be if you decide to do something like this.
29:51
By the end of the intensive, you're going to be able to
29:54
embrace a part of yourself that maybe you haven't before and
29:59
have some awareness around it. Much deeper connection with
30:02
yourself and removing some of those barriers to keep you
30:05
isolated. Also, unburden yourself from the
30:09
heaviness of the secrets. The secrets might be out there,
30:13
but the burden of sharing parts of you that you just don't feel
30:15
like you can share with other people.
30:17
We'll give you some direction on how to sign up.
30:19
Space is limited. I hate saying that.
30:22
Definitely want you to hurry to registration.
30:25
Reach out to us if you have questions.
30:26
We can definitely have a conversation about it.
30:28
We will give you more information about how to sign up
30:32
in the notes of this podcast and on our website.
30:35
Hopefully we can see you there. Hi guys, it's Laura with Choose
30:39
Recovery Services. I wanted to let you know about a
30:41
course we have coming up, a Boundaries boot camp.
30:44
If you've been walking this journey for any length of time,
30:47
surely you've heard the term boundaries and you likely have
30:50
thoughts, questions, or even strong feelings about that word.
30:53
Questions like what are boundaries?
30:55
Why don't my boundaries work? How do I set healthy boundaries?
30:59
Or why does my partner get to set boundaries that control me?
31:02
And many others may be at the forefront of your mind.
31:05
Boundary work is one of the most important skills you can learn
31:08
not only to survive the betrayal, but to regain sure
31:11
footing and confidently live beyond it in solid recovery and
31:14
healing. This Boundaries Boot Camp is a
31:17
six week course aimed at answering the most pressing
31:20
questions about boundaries and helping you step out of a place
31:24
of survival and into a place of thriving, both individually and
31:27
relationally. There are two groups that run
31:30
concurrently, 1 for betrayed partners and one for partner
31:32
seeking recovery. The answer for both is setting
31:36
healthy boundaries, but the approach is different.
31:38
Check out the link in the show notes or visit
31:41
chooserecoveryservices.com For more information.
31:46
Hey, thanks for joining us today.
31:47
If this is something that you connected with, I'd love to meet
31:50
with you more and talk about it. So what you can do is go to
31:53
chooserecoveryservices.com or check the show notes and there
31:57
what we can do is set up a quick conversation we need.
31:59
Thanks so much for listening to Beyond the Facade where we
32:02
unmask the authentic self.