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Transcript

What Motherhood REALLY Taught Me (8Months PP) · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:06
  Hey guys, welcome back to Mom Gone Mild.
• 0:09
  I'm your host Lex. If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:13
  This is a safe space where we talk about real life feelings,
• 0:17
  real life issues, the messy unfiltered parts people don't
• 0:22
  usually always say out loud. So hopefully you guys stick
• 0:26
  around. I hope you guys had an amazing
• 0:28
  week because it has already been of what feels like a month over
• 0:34
  here. Axel has his first cold and
• 0:37
  yeah, like I said, it has been a week.
• 0:41
  I literally want to cry. He's so stuffed up.
• 0:44
  He's miserable. Thank goodness, no fever.
• 0:47
  But your girl, he's going through it.
• 0:51
  And his sleep has been literally all over the place. 5 minutes
• 0:56
  here, 2 hours here. I don't even know, I'm just out
• 1:01
  of it. So obviously, as you can tell,
• 1:04
  I'm not sleeping either. And on top of that, he's
• 1:07
  teething. So yeah, we're literally in it
• 1:11
  right now. Our house is a mess.
• 1:13
  There's slobber, there's tissues, there's not everywhere.
• 1:18
  But guys, the cuddles, so worth it.
• 1:21
  Honestly, I'm surprised I even look semi decent enough to film
• 1:25
  today. But that's motherhood and that's
• 1:28
  the beauty of makeup and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
• 1:33
  And of course, dad has been such a big help.
• 1:35
  Even when he works early, he's still always there and I'm super
• 1:39
  grateful for that. Anyway, enough about that, let's
• 1:43
  just jump right into this week's episode because I have a lot to
• 1:48
  say and honestly I wish someone would have told me all of this
• 1:52
  so it didn't hit me like a truck learning it on my own.
• 1:57
  I am officially 8 months postpartum which is honestly
• 2:02
  crazy to even say out loud as a first time mom.
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  I just wanted to sit down and talk about what I've learned so
• 2:10
  far. I will always say this, I'm not
• 2:13
  an expert, this is just my experience.
• 2:15
  This is my opinion. If it anything I say even
• 2:19
  resonates with you, just know you are not alone and I probably
• 2:25
  have been through it. If not, millions of other women
• 2:28
  have. And you are not alone.
• 2:31
  No one really tells you how much motherhood is going to change
• 2:36
  you. Even though people say
• 2:38
  motherhood doesn't change you, No, it does.
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  Not just your life, but you as a person, Mentally, physically,
• 2:47
  emotionally, everything kind of shifts.
• 2:50
  And I want to be really honest about something.
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  I have talked about this in the past but if you're new here, I
• 2:57
  actually started this podcast during a really hard time where
• 3:01
  my mental health was, I'm going to be super honest at an all
• 3:06
  time low I was not OK. I had thoughts that honestly
• 3:11
  scared me. The kind of thoughts you hear
• 3:14
  about but think Nah that could never be me.
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  Until one day it it is. I remember just crying every
• 3:23
  single day in the shower so my husband wouldn't see or hear me.
• 3:27
  I felt so ashamed for even feeling this way.
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  Like I had everything I ever wanted, I had my baby, I had a
• 3:36
  family, I have just everything that I personally have wanted.
• 3:42
  And I still just felt empty. Now I can't still till this day
• 3:48
  even explain it. And that's the hardest part to
• 3:52
  be honest, when you don't even understand your own feelings.
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  So how can you express them to other people?
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  And I want to be really real about how deep it got from me.
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  I was dealing with really bad postpartum depression.
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  I've struggled before with depression but this just felt so
• 4:09
  different. There were just moments where I
• 4:13
  didn't even, I'm going to be honest, I didn't want to be
• 4:16
  here. And that's hard to say out loud
• 4:20
  because on the outside I was pretending everything was fine.
• 4:23
  I was acting happy, I was smiling, telling people I was OK
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  when I just really wasn't. The only thing that kept me
• 4:34
  going was thinking about my son and of course my husband and
• 4:39
  feeling like if I gave up I just be leaving them behind.
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  And that felt super selfish. So I got help.
• 4:48
  I went to therapy, I put in the work.
• 4:53
  Is it gone? No.
• 4:56
  I still have my good days and my bad days, but I have to push
• 4:59
  those feelings aside. But I do know one thing for
• 5:03
  sure, I never ever want to go back to that place again.
• 5:07
  Maybe you understand this. Maybe these are thoughts you've
• 5:09
  had but never said out loud. Because I'm going to be honest,
• 5:14
  I felt so much guilt, especially after going through a
• 5:19
  miscarriage. This is all I ever prayed for,
• 5:23
  everything I could dream of, and I still couldn't feel happy.
• 5:27
  I just felt like damn, I was wasting it, like I didn't
• 5:31
  deserve it, like something was wrong with me.
• 5:34
  I kept asking myself why couldn't I just enjoy it?
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  And I regret that sometimes. Those early months I was in such
• 5:45
  a dark place. We didn't go out, we didn't do
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  much. I had to physically force myself
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  to do basically everything to get up, to shower, to step
• 5:55
  outside, until something kind of just shifted in me.
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  I realize I want to give my son everything I possibly can in
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  this life, of course, and I thinking about how close I was
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  to giving up, it just honestly makes me so emotional.
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  But of course I'm glad I didn't. And if you're in that place
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  right now, you won't either. You're stronger than you think.
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  If you feel this way, you're not alone.
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  Please, please, please talk to someone.
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  You don't have to go through it by yourself.
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  All right, now let's get into, like, the kind of little lessons
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  that I learned. So this lesson was given to me
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  by my really good friend Nina. She always says girl, motherhood
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  is ghetto. It is ghetto.
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  You're in the trenches. Nobody prepares you for that
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  part. It's not aesthetic.
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  It's not this picture perfect life people try to show.
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  There will be tears, there will be doubts, there will be moments
• 6:56
  where you feel completely overwhelmed.
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  But I promise you it is worth every single emotion, The good,
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  the bad. Nobody talks about this part.
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  You don't just become a mom overnight, you become her
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  overtime. Through the hard times, the
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  tears, the moments you just thought you couldn't do it.
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  Son was really hard for me. Body image.
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  This one hits hard because I've always had an issue with it and
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  it just got even harder. I just remember standing in the
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  mirror one day and not recognizing myself, and no one
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  talks about that. Everyone talks about you'll
• 7:35
  bounce back, you'll bounce back. If you bounce back, that's
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  great. Sometimes you can do it within
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  months, sometimes it takes years.
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  But nobody talks about feeling like you're literally in someone
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  else's body. And I had this moment like Lex
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  girl, this cannot be your life. Not from hate, but from a wake
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  up call. I wanted to feel strong again.
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  I wanted to feel confident again.
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  I wanted to feel hot. And more than anything I wanted
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  to be healthy for my son. Lesson I had to learn.
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  Even if you don't feel like it, say it out loud, say it fucking
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  proud. I am a bad bitch.
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  I'm serious, I know it sounds silly.
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  I'm a bad bitch. I'm a bad bitch.
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  Listen to that kind of music. Who cares, Fake the confidence
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  until you feel it because the way you talk to yourself matters
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  and you are that girl. Even on the days you don't feel
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  like it. I promise you are OK.
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  I talk about this a lot because I do this a lot.
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  So comparison will steal your joy fast.
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  It will suck your soul. Social media will have you
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  thinking you are so behind. You're not.
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  Your journey is yours, your body, your timeline, your
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  healing. There is absolutely no race.
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  Don't compare yourself to anyone because you will never win.
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  Oof. One I'm still dealing with now.
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  Your relationship with your partner will change, it just
• 9:01
  will. You either grow together or you
• 9:03
  drift apart. And let's be real, there are
• 9:05
  moments where you're like you get to sleep and I'm up again.
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  But resentment can creep in. I have learned that
• 9:15
  communication matters more than ever.
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  Literally, that has saved us. Am I always the best at
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  communicating when the time is right?
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  No. But, you know, I'm learning.
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  I'm still, you know, becoming who I'm meant to be.
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  I'm not perfect. One thing that I have noticed
• 9:35
  and I've kind of at first I was like really upset with this kind
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  of stuff, but I'm kind of getting better at it.
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  Friendships, they change. That's a hard one because not
• 9:48
  everyone who knows you supports you.
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  Motherhood will show you that real quick.
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  Sometimes you have to stop seeing the best in people and
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  just start seeing them for who they show you they are.
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  There will be people you lose, people you thought literally
• 10:06
  would be there forever, the ones you imagined would be your
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  baby's aunties, your family. And then life just happens.
• 10:17
  You grow apart and it hurts. It hurts a lot.
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  I was really upset for a while. But you learn there's usually a
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  reason. You look back and think, wow, we
• 10:28
  had really good memories. And now that's what they are, is
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  memories. You keep going, you wish them
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  well, you still have love for them.
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  But of course it's just in a different way now.
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  And you learn to be OK with that.
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  Not everyone is going to like the new version of you that
• 10:48
  you're becoming. That's hard.
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  You'll have people judging you, talking about you.
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  It just happens. And honestly, that says just
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  more about them than it does about you.
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  You're not meant to stay the same version of yourself
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  forever. You're meant to grow, and not
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  everyone is going to come with you on that journey.
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  I always say this, you don't need a lot of friends, you need
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  real ones. I don't want convenient anymore.
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  I want real. And I'm just going to say this,
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  I've had Axel for eight months now.
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  If you haven't met him or I get it, like a lot of things happen,
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  or if you haven't even tried to, that kind of tells me where we
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  stand and I love you. But you know, and that goes both
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  ways, you know, I have to try to.
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  But anyways, because it's been 8 damn months, at some point you
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  have to stop making excuses for people and start seeing things
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  for what they really are. Guys, you don't owe anyone
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  access to your life just because you've known them for a long
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  time. It makes you notice everything
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  more. I swear.
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  You're more just alert. The people around you, your
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  relationships, even your baby. Yeah, guys, this one's a hard
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  one, I promise. Stop comparing your baby.
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  I know this one is hard. There will be moments probably
• 12:15
  when you're pregnant. This has happened to me where
• 12:19
  you think it's probably probably a good idea to join a Facebook
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  group. At first it feels helpful, but
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  then you start comparing everything.
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  Why don't I feel my baby moving yet?
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  Am I gaining more weight than them?
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  And it doesn't stop there. Once your baby is here, you're
• 12:36
  going to see everything from you're going to see loss.
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  You're going to see so many babies hitting milestones
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  earlier than yours. You're going to see babies who
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  have just feel more advanced and you start questioning yourself,
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  Am I doing something wrong? Is it me?
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  It's not you're not. Every pregnancy is different,
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  every baby is different, every timeline is different.
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  Your baby is exactly where they're meant to be.
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  There is literally no rush and honestly it all goes by so damn
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  fast. So just enjoy your baby where
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  they are right now because I promised they are probably
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  different than a week ago. I remember I was complaining
• 13:18
  that Axel wasn't crawling last week.
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  I was crying. I was like does he need physical
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  therapy? And now this week he's mobile
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  and now I wish he wasn't so mobile.
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  So just enjoy your baby guys. This is a big one.
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  I have talked about it before but I have learned mom guilt.
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  This one almost took me out. But taking care of yourself
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  changes literally everything. A healthy mom is a better mom.
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  And this was hard truth I had to accept.
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  When you're not taking care of yourself, you're not showing up
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  the way people you love deserve. And that includes your kids,
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  your partners, your family. Not pouring into yourself hold
• 13:59
  you back from being the best version of you.
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  Because when you take care of yourself, something just
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  changes. When you work on yourself, when
• 14:07
  you choose to grow, everyone around you pretty much benefits
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  from that. Oh, no, it is not selfish.
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  It's necessary. I remember there was days where
• 14:17
  I would feel guilty just sitting down and not being near Axel.
• 14:20
  I just felt like I need to always be around my baby or like
• 14:23
  if I went to go get my nails done, I'd feel guilty.
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  Now you know what? I'm in enjoy it because I'm
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  always with my baby. So yeah, it is necessary.
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  And I'm not trying to be all preachy.
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  I don't have life figured out. I don't know the secrets.
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  I just share what I've learned in hopes it helps someone else
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  in a season of change. Right now we're literally never
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  done growing. Once you accept that, life
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  starts to make so much more sense.
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  OK, have you guys heard of the term I'm becoming her?
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  Of course you have, it's everywhere.
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  I used to not understand like basically what that meant.
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  Now I do. I'm not finding myself.
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  I'm not like where's the old legs?
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  Where's the old legs? I'm literally becoming her.
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  The best version of me. You are doing an amazing job
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  even on the days you feel like you're not.
• 15:18
  If you're in the trenches right now, I promise you it gets
• 15:22
  better. If you're not a mom yet, just
• 15:24
  no. Motherhood is beautiful.
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  Even though I know, I know I know, even though I share all
• 15:31
  those crazy things and how hard it is and how much it's taken a
• 15:35
  toll on my body and my mental health.
• 15:38
  Guys, it is so worth it. Motherhood has been my favorite
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  chapter of life. But you do not need a child to
• 15:46
  have purpose. I cannot stand this whole like
• 15:48
  back and forth with people. Your life is already meaningful.
• 15:52
  If you don't want kids, that's valid.
• 15:54
  You don't need them. It is your life and it's such a
• 15:57
  beautiful thing knowing that you already know your purpose.
• 16:02
  That's fine. I hate this whole like oh I'm
• 16:05
  better because I have no kids. Oh no I'm better because I have.
• 16:09
  I am a mom and there is just no argument there.
• 16:12
  Life is different for everyone. The hard parts you can explain
• 16:16
  that so easily but the joy, you can't.
• 16:20
  It's hard. It's waking up just after a
• 16:23
  restless night, being this beautiful innocent little face
• 16:27
  looking at you, and suddenly you realize none of it even matters
• 16:31
  in the end, it's just sleep. It's a love that you literally
• 16:36
  can't explain, a perfect freaking human that you got to
• 16:39
  create. And that feeling is just
• 16:41
  something so beautiful to experience.
• 16:45
  If you don't want kids, if you don't have kids, go hug a mom.
• 16:48
  You know, go hug your mom. Check on her, she probably needs
• 16:52
  it. This one, I want to dedicate
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  this episode actually for all my mama's because I know Mother's
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  Day is coming up soon. I have something else planned
• 17:03
  for that. But whether you have one,
• 17:06
  whether you have three or you're pregnant and nervous and scared
• 17:11
  for the future, just know that everything will work out.
• 17:15
  Everything is going to be perfect.
• 17:17
  Your baby's going to be perfect. Your life is going to be just
• 17:20
  exactly as it's meant to be. So this is to my stay at home
• 17:24
  moms, my working moms, my single moms, my stepmoms because I do
• 17:29
  feel like stepmoms and just don't get enough love.
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  I for one love my stepmom. She has been amazing with me.
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  I feel like I don't talk about her enough because she has
• 17:42
  really been there since I believe what, since I was like
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  6. So she just has always been
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  there. And yeah, so this one goes out
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  to stepmom because we love them. And adoption.
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  Mom, you are amazing. You're doing more than you
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  think, and you are absolutely killing it.
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  And you're always, always remember you are strong, you're
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  beautiful. And girl, you are that girl.
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  I tell myself that all the time. You should too.
• 18:12
  Before I go, I just want to say thank you.
• 18:14
  Thank you guys for being my safe space.
• 18:16
  This episode really meant so much to me.
• 18:20
  It's just so nice coming back here and just basically just I
• 18:27
  feel like I've grown and I'm now in like a new jazz season and
• 18:32
  I'm so glad that I got to share that with you guys.
• 18:35
  And also I'm so happy now. I have my days.
• 18:39
  But yeah, anyways, so also something that really helps me,
• 18:44
  if you listen to this episode or any of my other episodes,
• 18:48
  instead of just like, leaving a comment, I don't know, tell me
• 18:52
  what actually stuck with you guys.
• 18:54
  I kind of want to, like, get a little bit more feedback.
• 18:58
  But yeah. What was your biggest take away?
• 19:01
  Because honestly, that helps me grow so much and it helps other
• 19:05
  moms find the space and feel less alone too.
• 19:09
  Anyway, I'd love to know what's one thing you've learned from
• 19:13
  motherhood. Let me know.
• 19:16
  So if you've enjoyed this episode, I have so many more and
• 19:21
  there will be so many more. And guys, I have, I'm so excited
• 19:25
  because my next episode, I have a secret guest coming on, but
• 19:31
  I'm not going to talk about it because I don't want to jinx it.
• 19:34
  But yeah. So I can't wait for more
• 19:37
  episodes and I'm always posting on Instagram, my mom gone mild
• 19:41
  under score podcast. So please make sure to follow,
• 19:44
  share, comment, like all of that stuff because it really helps
• 19:49
  me. And yeah, I just leave some love
• 19:52
  below. So have an amazing week.
• 19:55
  Remember, you are beautiful, you're worthy, you're not alone.
• 19:59
  You're that girl, you are it. And I love you guys, have an
• 20:04
  amazing week.