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MONEY DIARIES: Things can change in the blink of an eye · She's On The Money

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: She's on the Money.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: She's on the Money.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Tony Lodge,
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: and joining me for another shot back money Diary is
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Victoria Divine.
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  Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, my friend.
• 0:35
  Speaker 5: I've got another.
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  Speaker 3: Money diary for you today, and as always, it's a
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: good one, but we will be talking a little bit
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: about alcoholism and how it can affect our finances and relationships.
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  Speaker 5: So just want to give a little bit of.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: A content warning for anybody that can't listen to that
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: at the moment. It might be a good one to skip,
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: but we can see you next week.
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  Speaker 4: All right, Tony, With that in mind, how about we
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: jumped straight in. Can you read out this week's money
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  Speaker 4: diary email for me?
• 1:01
  Speaker 5: All right, here we go.
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  Speaker 3: I'm very uptight about every dollar. My partner has a
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  Speaker 3: very large salary and we're saving for a house. I'm
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  Speaker 3: an investor and have lived overseas. My partner is from overseas,
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  Speaker 3: and we're currently going through a very expensive visa process.
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  Speaker 3: And this one has a bit of a twist. So yeah,
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  Speaker 3: we get probably how many do you think me like?
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  Speaker 3: Hundreds of money diaries?
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  Speaker 5: Emails.
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  Speaker 4: We're so grateful, so grateful. Please keep sending them.
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  Speaker 3: But we get so many and they take me a
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  Speaker 3: long time to get through. And I responded to this
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  Speaker 3: email last week and said, Hi, Money Diarist, we would
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: absolutely love to chat to you. We love hearing about
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: your story. We would love to have you on And
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: she said, there's actually been quite a big development in
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: my story in the past twenty four hours between her
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  Speaker 3: sending the story and me reaching out to her. We
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  Speaker 3: have our Money Diarist on the line. Hello, Hi, and
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  Speaker 3: I would love for you to share with v the
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  Speaker 3: roller coaster you have been on in the last week
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  Speaker 3: and how you had to respond to my.
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: Email about reaching out.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I wasn't sure if you would still want to
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  Speaker 1: go ahead with it, obviously, I said, my partner has
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  Speaker 1: really large salary, we're saving for a house, blah blah blah. Well,
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  Speaker 1: about a day after you emailed me, we had broken
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  Speaker 1: up the day before, so.
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  Speaker 4: I guess you don't want to buy a house together anymore.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Well, but you.
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  Speaker 5: Don't have to save the money for the visa?
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  Speaker 1: Is that? Unfortunately that ship has sailed. It's very much
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: paid for and it has been a very long time
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  Speaker 1: since so yeah, it was.
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  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry to hear that. And I know that
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  Speaker 4: I don't know you well, but I'm assuming and I
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  Speaker 4: would love for you to tell me a little bit
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  Speaker 4: more about this. But I'm assuming you didn't see that coming,
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  Speaker 4: because if you're willing to email us and be like, yeah, cool,
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  Speaker 4: this is my money storyline, I feel like that's saying
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  Speaker 4: that's pretty solid.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was actually my decision.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, all right, not what I expected, but tell us
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: about it.
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  Speaker 1: No, So I have kind of had an issue with like,
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  Speaker 1: you know, obviously everyone drinks and you know it has
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: a good time, but he just was unaware of when
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: to stop, and it had just been a recurring issue
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  Speaker 1: for a really long time. And yeah, I just kind
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  Speaker 1: of went, you know what, I'm just not doing it anymore.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: See you later.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, Wow, I'm so proud of you. That's
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  Speaker 4: such a big decision to mate.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, everyone in my life is also proud of me,
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  Speaker 1: because I feel like this has been a long time coming.
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  Speaker 1: So even though it's just hard, because everything else was
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  Speaker 1: really good and that's why I sent it through and
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  Speaker 1: I was like, yep, this is it and everything else
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  Speaker 1: is great. We're just trying to like, well, in my head,
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  Speaker 1: you know, work through this issue. But last weekend I
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  Speaker 1: was just like, Yep, it's just never going to change.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm going I would just.
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  Speaker 3: Also like to flag that in case anybody thinks that
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  Speaker 3: I'm a real heartless witch, which.
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  Speaker 4: I mean she is, but not in this situation. Situation, No,
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  Speaker 4: that's not true.
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  Speaker 3: When I was speaking to our money darist that you're
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: hearing right now, I said, look, if you need a
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: bit of time, that's totally fine, and she said no,
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  Speaker 3: I would still love to chat. And we thought that
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  Speaker 3: this would be a really good insight into actually how overnight,
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  Speaker 3: whether we choose it or it's thrust upon us, our
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  Speaker 3: financial situation can change. So I feel like we should
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  Speaker 3: get into the structured questions and then we can ask
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  Speaker 3: all of.
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  Speaker 5: Our little chatty kathy questions after the break.
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  Speaker 4: I have so many chatty kathy questions, but I think.
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  Speaker 3: This is one that people will really relate to because
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  Speaker 3: things change all the time. Things are never solid, even
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  Speaker 3: when you know they seem great and you want them
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  Speaker 3: to work out.
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  Speaker 5: So I thought it'd be a really good opportunity to
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  Speaker 5: chat to.
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  Speaker 3: Someone who is in real time going through a huge change.
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  Speaker 4: Wow, money, diarist. I'm so grateful for this story and
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  Speaker 4: so excited to get through all of these questions. So
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  Speaker 4: it's Tony suggested, let's jump straight into the structured questions
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  Speaker 4: and ask you what's your attitude towards money?
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  Speaker 1: Well, as I mentioned in the email, I'm extremely uptight,
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  Speaker 1: even though I don't really have to be.
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  Speaker 4: It's not a bad thing.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, it's a good and a bad thing. So I
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  Speaker 1: know where it started because my first job, you know,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: when they used to send out the group certificates back
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: in the day. I got my first group certificate and
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  Speaker 1: it said that I've earned like seven thousand dollars since
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  Speaker 1: I'd started, and I was like, are you kid? Mind you?
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  Speaker 1: I was like, seventeen guys. This was not like a
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  Speaker 1: full time job, don't worry.
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  Speaker 4: But it felt serious at the time.
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  Speaker 1: It said I'd earned seven thousand dollars and I was like,
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  Speaker 1: what do you mean? I have like three hundred dollars
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  Speaker 1: and I haven't bought anything. I was like, how have
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  Speaker 1: I spent six and a half thousand dollars or nothing?
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  Speaker 1: And I was like, this is ridiculous. I am never
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  Speaker 1: getting another group certificate where I have earned all this
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  Speaker 1: money and I have nothing left, so lucky I work
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  Speaker 1: this out seventeen and honestly, ever since then, I have
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  Speaker 1: been like the most uptight person. And it is a
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  Speaker 1: good thing because I save a lot of money. And
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  Speaker 1: it's not like I have to be uptight. It's not
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  Speaker 1: for that reason. It's just because I'm like, I want
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  Speaker 1: to know where every dollar is going and I want
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  Speaker 1: to be on top of it and I never want
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  Speaker 1: to be stuck. And I just I just am the
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  Speaker 1: way that I am. And yeah, I so I would
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  Speaker 1: say I'm really uptight about money. I'm super conscious of money,
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  Speaker 1: Like I haven't spreadsheet that I update every day, like
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  Speaker 1: I know every I know to the scent what my
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  Speaker 1: super is, like I know everything, Oh my gosh. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: So I would say that I'm extremely like conscious uptight,
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  Speaker 1: like just I'm on it all the time.
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  Speaker 4: But that's not a bad thing. That just means you're
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  Speaker 4: across it. And I mean, I think there's this misconception
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  Speaker 4: that the word uptight necessarily means bad. Yeah, from what
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  Speaker 4: you've just told me, that's actually a really positive relationship
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  Speaker 4: with your money, so that you know where it is
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  Speaker 4: and what's going on, how it works. And what it
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  Speaker 4: means for you, like, Oh, I don't know if i'd
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  Speaker 4: call that up TI.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a conscious aware, I don't know aware.
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  Speaker 4: I like it, but I'm not going to argue with
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  Speaker 4: you over what you want to call yourself. So let's
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  Speaker 4: move on to the next question and ask you money direst.
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  Speaker 4: What do you do for work and how much money
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  Speaker 4: do you work?
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  Speaker 1: So I work in administration for a construction company and
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  Speaker 1: I earn sixty thousand dollars a year, which is honestly
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  Speaker 1: pretty good for what I'm doing. And they're also a
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  Speaker 1: very generous company, so I usually get bonuses and they
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  Speaker 1: sit like, you know, give you a lot of stuff
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  Speaker 1: throughout the year. So I'm definitely happy with that, even
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  Speaker 1: though the salary is not the best salary in the world.
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  Speaker 1: That the company are really good to you. So I
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  Speaker 1: got to pay your rise from them without asking, so
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  Speaker 1: oh good. Yeah, so I'm happy with that. I was
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  Speaker 1: actually recently, up until about a few months ago, I've
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  Speaker 1: always worked six days and had a second job, so
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  Speaker 1: I was admin in real estate on weekends as well.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, a hustler. We love this.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I've always worked weekends up until the last
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  Speaker 1: few months, so I was on about seventy two thousand.
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  Speaker 3: Then, so have you stopped doing that just because of
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  Speaker 3: the time, like you just really wanted your weekends back.
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  Speaker 1: Or funny story, as I said, my partner has a
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  Speaker 1: really well I guess my ex partner, I'm not used
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  Speaker 1: to calling him that yet, has a salary. And he
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  Speaker 1: was just like, I don't know why you work on weekends,
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  Speaker 1: Like he's like, when you transfer me rent, I don't
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  Speaker 1: even notice. And I was like, can you not, like please,
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  Speaker 1: I work all day for this anyway? He was just like, look,
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  Speaker 1: if you want to quit and I'll just pay all
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: the rent and if you just want to like clean
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  Speaker 1: up the house on the weekend, then that's that'll work
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  Speaker 1: for me. And I was like, you know what, I
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  Speaker 1: would so much rather clean my house on the weekend. Gosh, yes,
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  Speaker 1: I was like, yep, Swait done.
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  Speaker 4: That's really cool. That's and I know that you're in
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: that relation anymore, but that's a really and I guess
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  Speaker 4: this is an interesting situation as well, because from what
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  Speaker 4: you've told us, and we'll get into the nitty gritty after,
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  Speaker 4: but I just can't help Tony from diving off to
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  Speaker 4: the side. When you make a decision like you've made.
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  Speaker 4: You said, you made this decision because your partner was
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  Speaker 4: a drinker and that was a thing that was driving
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  Speaker 4: a really big wedge in your relationship. That doesn't necessarily
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  Speaker 4: mean that every other part of your relationship was bad.
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  Speaker 4: It just means that that was the thing, and you know,
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  Speaker 4: you could have had a really great relationship, but you've
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  Speaker 4: made this decision. You're like, regardless of all of the good,
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  Speaker 4: it is not worth it for even one percent of bad.
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  Speaker 4: And I think that that's a really empowering position to
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  Speaker 4: be in, and for a lot of people it's actually
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: confusing because they're like, but our relationship is so good
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: and I still love him, and I still love this person,
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: but it's not actually healthy for me to be here.
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: So I'm going to ask a little bit more about
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: this because it's so cool to see that you, guys,
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  Speaker 4: when you were in that relationship, said, you know what,
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: it's actually not about money contributing fifty to fifty. It's
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: actually about equal division of labor and equal division of
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: like resources and making sure that we're supporting each other.
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: Has that always been the way that you've approached relationships.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Well, he's probably been the first partner that I've properly
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: lived with, like I was living overseas and just kind
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: of like whooa loving life. Yeah, he's kind of like
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: the most serious partner that I've had. And it's actually
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: not something I'm minded. Like I know that not everybody
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: would not agree with this, which is fine, but I
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: was very like, I would love to be like a
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: stay at home mom, like drop the kids off at school,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: like make sure the house is really clean, Like I
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: would love to do that. And he was just like, yep,
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  Speaker 1: that's one hundred percent how I am. Like I go
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: to work, I make the money, I look after do
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  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And even though that was
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: what we both wanted, and he kind of was doing
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: that now even though we had no kids, and but
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I was always still likenh, I've got my own money,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I've got my own job. But the fact that he
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: was like that was really nice. But I said to him, like,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: you know, it's not about money, like I think he
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: thought that being that giving and generous and that was
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: all he kind of had to do. And I was like,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: if you gave me ten million dollars tomorrow or you said,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to stop drinking this way, Like, which one
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: do you think that I would pick? And it wouldn't
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: be the money, you know what I mean. And I'm like,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the way that you are and that you're
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: so giving and all of that, but like, it doesn't
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: make up for the fact that this is a deal
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: breaker for me. And I held on for a long
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: time because he was so good and every other way,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: but yeah, it was just too much of a deal
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: breaker for me, and I just I just couldn't deal
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: with it anymore. So, yeah, it sucks, and he was
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: a really great person in a lot of other ways,
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  Speaker 1: but it just wasn't worth it.
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  Speaker 5: I don't think that's so strong of you to do that.
• 11:53
  Speaker 5: It's not easy.
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  Speaker 3: There'd be a lot of people listening that say, well,
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I've been in that position and it was really hard
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: for me to do the same, or I'm in that
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: position now and I'm finding it really hard to kind
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: of look at my options.
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: So you should be really proud of yourself. But again,
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: this is so new. This has just happened.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's taken. It's taken a lot of false
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: attempts as well. I've put down a bond on a place,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: so I'm ready to go. But yeah, I've kind of
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: done this quite a few times before and it just
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't work. But in terms of your actual question that
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: you ask, yeah, I guess it was kind of the
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: ideal situation for me, like I would love to be
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: a stay at home home with kids and that kind
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: of thing. But yeah, I just don't think even though
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: it would have worked like that with him, I just
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: don't think that the rest of it was going to
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: work and be worth it.
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: So yeah, and I think that that's awesome that you
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: know what you want as well, because so many people
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: don't know what they want and then let their future
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: relationships mold what they kind of want to become. And
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: you're like, no, this is the type of relationship I
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: want to have in the future probably, and this is
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: how I want it to look because these are my
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: values and what I'm looking for. And I'm sure your
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: next partner will have some of those traits that you're like,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: you know what, this is a value to me. You're
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: not going to probably find yourself in a relationship with
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: someone who's like, no money, diarist, You've got to go
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: to work every single day and pay exactly half and
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: do this and do that, because you're like, well, that's
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: not the dynamic I'm looking for. That's not the values
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: that I hold.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm not saying I'm one of those girls
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: that's just like pay for everything.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: Oh no, absolutely not.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: He was just very very giving. But yeah, it was
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: just the way that it all worked out. But yeah,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: just no money in the world's enough to kind of
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: fix something that's a deal breaker.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: You know, I'm so proud of you, and I know
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: that everybody listening is probably going to be listening along,
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: going wow, that is so strong. And you know what,
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: I know there's somebody who is listening today who's in
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: exactly that situation and hasn't pulled the trigger yet and
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: they're listening to story going, oh, I've got to do
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: what she's going to do. We'll get back to that
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: because I have a lot of questions though, so money, diarist,
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: you said you just put a bond down on a
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: new property, but I want to know what your big
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: money goal is.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Well, it was purchasing a house and we were tracking well,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: but I suppose I'm going to have to rearrange my
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I guess goals now. I mean I would still like
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: to buy house, but without him that will look very different,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: so I guess that's still a goal. And like a
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: lot of our house deposit was contributed by me as well,
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: so I've still got a big chunk of that.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: Oh that's so great.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Horror stories about people that end up not you know,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: getting what they their cut or what they've contributed. So
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad that you were able to like amicably
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: kind of split that up and stuff.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: I had all the control of it anyway, So it's fine, good, yes, queen.
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: We love hearing that all right. Next question, do you
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: currently have any investment?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: I do, so, I, like I Reckon about two or
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: three years ago, had raised but I didn't really like
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: get it, and I didn't listen to Shees and the
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Money yet, so I kind of had it. And then
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I looked at it one day and I was like, oh,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: this has gone up some money. I'll just take it
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: out now.
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: Oh my gosh.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: They didn't get the concept.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: That's a learning that's how we all learn. Yeah.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: So when I started listening to Ses on the Money,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, like that's how investment works and
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: stock works and all of that kind of thing. So
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I learned a lot and I opened comsec.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: And oh, she went hard.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I actually had iag shares from my manner,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: and I had started monitoring them when I kind of
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I did for the longest time. I didn't even know
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: how to log into it, and I was like, oh
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: my god, these shares are crap.
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: These saying it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: As soon as they go up, I'm pulling it out.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: These are terrible, and I'm putting them in something else.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: So I pulled that out. And so I've got about
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: four thousand in comm sec, which is obviously not a lot,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: but I've been focusing on the house deposit. So I
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: was kind of here and there putting towards investment, but
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I was prioritizing house deposit, so I guess I kind
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: of try to balance more between the two. But yeah,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I've got four thousand in investments so far.
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: Wow, And we didn't ask before, but money Diarist, how
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: old are you.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I am at twenty six?
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: Oh, she's still a baby, Tony. She's still a baby,
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: and she's got four grand and she's saving for a house.
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, You've got so much life ahead of you.
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: I love this money. Diarist to the next question is
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: do you currently have any debts.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Only hex I'm very as I said, very uptight. I
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: am not getting in any debt anything that I don't
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: have the money for. I won't buy. I bought my
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: car outright, I bought holidays outright. The only thing I
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: will say is recently I used you know Klana the
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: oh yes, So I'm like one of those very controlled people.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I would never let it get out of control. But
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: they had if you use it to buy something, your
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: fourth payment would be free. So I was like, oh
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: my god, save me my fourth payment. I'll use this
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: and then close the account. So you best there. I
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: used it, they paid my fourth payment, and I shot
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: the account.
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think that that's a smart way to
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: use those things, but yeah, for a lot of people,
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: it's a really slippery slope. And I think I'm feeling
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: really uncomfortable with how many different buy now, pay later
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: platforms exist now. And this is a while ago because
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: I'm in Melbourne. So it's Tony and today technically day
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: recording Tony.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: It's our last official day of Lockedown.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: I know this is crazy, We're going to be out soon,
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: but way back when, in the olden days, when I
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: could go to Chadstone, which was a shopping center I
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: hope to frequent again in the future. I remember just
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: seeing Klana everywhere, Like it was like there were these
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: big stickers on the ground saying bye with Klana, like
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: every shop had done, and that they clearly had a
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: really big campaign going. All of the advertising. You know
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: those banners that hang from the roof, they were Klian
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: and everything was pink, and I was just like, wow,
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: this is so normalized to literally be shopping on debt,
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: Like it felt really overwhelming being in a situation where
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: you know, I see it online. Obviously, being in Cheese
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: on the money we talk about it a lot, but
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: I just remember standing there being like it's literally being
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: pushed into my face so consistently. And then they have
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: a deal like that that you took up, which you smart,
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: which you used very intelligently, but not everybody did that
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: like that obviously was a drive to get more people
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: using the platform and seeing how easy it was and
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: that it was nice and wow, they did something good
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: for me. So you've got this positive association in your mind.
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: But I would love to see some statistics which we'd
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: never get hold of because they wouldn't release them. Of
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: how many clients signed up to that who are now
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: in debt because they're on that platform.
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and they didn't close it the way that you did.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: That's the only reason I used it. I was like,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I know that I'm I'm not that way inclined, So
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, old.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: You, Janius. Honestly, I would probably even do something like
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: that because I'd be like, yes, stick it to them.
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: I'm going to take their fourth payment. They can pay
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: for a part of my dress or some shoes for me,
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: and then I'm going to run away with them great
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: hundred perp. But not everybody sees it that way. All right.
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: Speaking of apps, this is a very different one. Do
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: you currently use shot back?
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Guys, You're going to be so proud of me. I've
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: been using shot back for like two years. I'm probably
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: the biggest shot back user you've ever met your life.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: And I, oh my gosh, we found the og.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I am obsessed and I have it. Three and a
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: half thousand dollars on shot back.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: What Yeah, hold on, hold on three and a half
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: thousand dollars, not like three and a half dollars or
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: like three hundred and fifty dollars three and a half grand,
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: like you could buy a holiday with it.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: I know it's it's pretty impressive. Honestly, I have. I
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: am committed, like I if I need something like I
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: will go to shop Back and find it on shop
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Back before I buy it anywhere else, do you know
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Or if I'm in store, I'm like
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: the genius, Okay, I'm not buying this in store. I'll
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: go home, go through shop Back at their bikes, but.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: Not until after you've tried it on, which is very smart.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's a smart She's a smart cookie.
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: I love this. Can you give us some tips and tricks?
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: Like how do we be more like you?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Well, anytime I have to order flowers, I order through
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: the flower place that's on shop Back.
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: I didn't even know you could do that. That's I
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: didn't even know flowers were there.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Yes, anytime you need to order that gift hampers anything.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: And then also every holiday I've ever booked, I am like, Okay,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: we're gonna go here, We're gonna go there then and
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: then I just wait until expeeder or something is like
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: twelve percent instead of six percent, and then I get
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: like three hundred dollars back on my holiday?
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: Are you working for shop Back?
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: Do you work for them? Mississ a paid promo?
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: They did send me an email once telling me I
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: was like in the top five percent of people that
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: you shot Back, And I was like, honestly, I probably
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: believe that.
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: All right, Emily Vivian, if you guys are listening to this,
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: could you please let me know these are my contacts
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: at shot Back. If you guys have actually paid this money,
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: dires like, you better let us know. But I'm so impressed.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: So how do you keep track of it? So you
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: said before, like Expedia has this twelve percent thing? Is
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: there like a website that you go to to make
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: sure you just know what's going to happen?
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Or I'll just hold out and I'll just like, if
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I've got a holiday I need to book, I'll just
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: check once a day, or like they send emails as
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: well to be like, oh, today, from nine to twelve
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: or whatever, we're going to have a flashnale of twelve percent,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: six pits something like that.
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: Oh, and you just wait for those things to come up.
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: So she's got really good self control, Tony. In addition
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: to really good spending habits.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I've like confordered a heap of people as well. They're like,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I bought this story shot back. I
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: thought you've been proud of me. I'm like, I am
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: proud of you. Good job.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: Ah, Oh my gosh, that is so good. I literally
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: love it. I'm going to move though, because I feel
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: like this is becoming an entire shotback episode, and it
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: can be. But you know, I've got other things I
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: want to ask the next question. Maybe the answer to
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: this is our shot back. But what is your best
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: money habit?
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I would say my best money habit is that I
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: more or less will not spend a single dollar if
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I don't have to, like I have, like literally people
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: come to me there. I like, I do not know
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: why you don't start like money tip hack website, like
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I am like checking like fuel spire before I fell
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: at petrol. People like I don't even know what the
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: price of petrolis. I'm like, are you kidding me? I
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: cannot fathom. I'm like, no, I know.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, maybe Tony, she's our next employee. It
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: sounds like it, But I've got you I really like
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: you let me know when you're joining the team.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: I would be happy to. I honestly feel like I
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: would be cutting off for.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: This work done sold.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just because my salary is not huge. I'm like,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I'll compensate for that in different ways. But then I'll
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: also save as much as I can as well. So
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: like I use Octable Survey Pure Profile, like I do
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: all of the survey website. I've gotten like I think
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: from Octopus, I've gotten over like twelve hundred dollars from them,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: and like my interests, so I like, you know, the
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: Westpac three percent interest rate that they had going. Oh yeah,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: so they only did it up to a balance of
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: thirty thousand dollars. So I was like, you guys are
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: not going to beat me on this. So they you
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: know how a normal savings account if they say you
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: have to deposit like at least two hundred dollars a
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: month or something to get them.
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, to get your bonus interest. Yeah.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Fun fact is only you only have it only has
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: to be one cent more than the month before. So
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: I was like, awesome, I'm going to put twenty nine
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars in here. Put a dollar in it a
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: month and they still have to pay me like the
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: almost maximum interest.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: She's a genius. Who would have thought of that?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I know. So I I've actually put that tip in
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: the Shees and the Money group before, so hopefully some
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: other people are doing.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, Westpac are gonna come for us.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I am just I just really enjoy cheating the system
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: and just most of it.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: You know, it's not even cheating the system, it is
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: playing the player's game.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: And reading that fine print girlfriend, because like, how many
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: people don't check the fuel spy app and don't look
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: at what you can do to maximize your benefits of
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: your interests, Like I don't. I personally don't. I'm really
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: bad for it. I never think to do that stuff.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Oh this is inspirational in more ways than one.
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I love you. I think you're a genius.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So I'm just like really on top of it.
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: And Tony here we are being like, oh, Jess is
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: a genius. She's using her Flybys points and she's going
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: to get her KitchenAid mixer. I think you're going to
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: put Jester shame. It's so yes, Yeah, this is the
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: next level.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: A lot of people tell me I'm very obsessive, but
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: I personally don't think it's a bad thing. I like
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: the way that I am. No, I love it that
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: I save money the way that I do.
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: And yeah, there's absolutely no way that that is a
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: bad thing. You are hustling and you're doing the right thing.
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: It's not like you're like, look, guys, guys, so my
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: best money habit really good at laundering money. It's not
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: what you said.
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: We probably wouldn't post this if that's what you say.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like that's probably we cut that beat out. But
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm going to ask you now what your
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: worst money habit is, and maybe it's that who knows?
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: And I do not laan the money.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: It's okay, Okay, thank you for clarifying.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I would say that because of the way that I am, Like,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I've really annoyed people that are like close to me,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: like my partner, my mom, They're like, can you stop
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: being so stingy, Like you don't have to be like
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: this sometime like and I know, but it's like to
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: the point where I went out to go to dinner
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: with my mom and I was like, why are you
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: parking here? Like this costs money? Go parking the street
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: for free, and she's like, this is more convenient.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: Oh, we don't pay for convenience in this Yeah.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, nobody who pays convenience. It's ridiculous. Anyway,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: she was like, you can literally just pay twelve dollars
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: for parking and it's not going to kill you. Will
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: you can't do you know what I mean?
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: No, it will kill me. It will kill my ego,
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: Like I can't.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I can't do it. No, but especially with my partner
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: obviously having lived with me and stuff, he's like, we
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: don't have to be like this. Like I know that,
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: like think about all of them money down have because
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: that I am like this. So I think that, like
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: I'm to the point where it's kind of like a
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: bit annoying.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I think that that's one of those things
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: that you embrace. And everybody has a different money story
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: in a different money journey, and like you might be
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: a bit annoyed, but like I can see that you're
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: on the flip side annoyed at you, mum, because you're
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: like twelve bucks, Come on, that's what a.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Way I know. So yeah, I would say I know
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: a lot of people say what's my vost money habit
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: would be my best money habit as well. But yeah,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like even though I am the way that
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I am, it's also annoying sometimes for people that have
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: to deal with me. So yeah, I would say that's
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: probably the worst because I don't have many bad ones
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: because I'm so like, no, I'm not spending money on anything.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: So can we reframe that as well from people have
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: to deal with you to people get to experience you.
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: I feel like that's a better way of framing this.
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: They don't have to deal with you. Look at all
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: the hot tips you're dishing out literally for free for them.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: If I don't want to take note, that's on them,
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: not on not on you. All Right, I feel like
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: I'm going to be really interested to find out the
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: answer to this next question, and it's the last one
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: before we go to a really quick break. But if
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: we forced you to give yourself a money grade, what
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: would you grade your money habits?
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Look, guys, I'm not gonna lie, probably give myself an
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: A nine.
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: Yes, I like that. After this break, we are going
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: to get straight into that. All right, let's jump back
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: into this A grade money diary and let's go back
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: to where we started. At the top of this episode.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: You said during the period of time that you submitted
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: your money diary and then the period of time that
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: Tony contacted you, everything changed.
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: I would love to know.
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: I guess not so much from a financial point of view,
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: but that's obviously really dramatic, and it came from a
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: lot of different places, and I'm assume it built up
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: over a long period of time. But what was that
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: turning point? What made you put yourself first?
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I guess that I had literally tried everything like I was,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: as I mentioned before, like he was very you know,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: giving in the financial aspect, but in every other aspect
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: of his life, Like I did everything to compensate for
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: that because I wasn't the one on a big salary,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So I was like, Okay,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: because he's paying the rent, because he's doing this, because
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: he brought me this, like I'll make sure that I
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: do everything else. And his life was so easy because
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: I made it easy for him. And I was like,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: all that I'm asking from you is to fix this
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: one issue, Like I'm having my mental health issues because
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: of this. I'm literally telling you I'm going to counseling
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: for an issue that's not even a problem with me,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: it's a problem with you. But you won't go, so
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: I'll go to try and find ways to deal with it.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: And you know, I just tried so many things. I
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: tried leaving, came back. I'll change, I'll change, and like
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: I had just tried so many things, I just thought
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: there's nothing left. And I had said to him when
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: it all happened, he was like, look, I need to
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: do something. I need to change. And I was like, well, yeah, no, shit, No,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fine. I was like yeah, obviously, and
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: he was like, I'm just going to do something about
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: it now and stop talking about it. And then he
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: went out and I was like, He's like, i'll be
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: home before you get home, and I was like, okay,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: you probably won't be, but if you are, then good.
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: Great, great, we're on the right track.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it, obviously, as I expected, didn't happen, and
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: it was just we classified fourteen hours of drinking as
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: a few beers and why was I mad about it?
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: And I was just like, you know what, I'm just
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: sick of doing this, Like I have been here, I'm
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: here once twice a month. I've tried everything, I've been
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: as good as I could be, and it just doesn't
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: make a difference. It's a problem, and it's one that
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: he doesn't see as a problem and is not interested
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: in fixing. And he said, he said, look, I don't
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: know why you have a problem. I don't think it's
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: an issue. And this is the way that I am.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, that's like you like,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: this is never going to be any different and I
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: just need to go. So I did, and I was
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: really sad about it, but also I was prepared, like
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: I knew it was coming, and I kind of just
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: kept hoping that it would fix itself and resolve itself
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have to make that call. But it wasn't.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And you know, even though everything else was good and
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: we had all these plans, I was like, I need
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: to realize, Yeah, all of the future might be great,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: but I need to realize what's happening right now. And
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: what's happening right now is not something that is serving
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: me or is making me happy. And even though the
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: idea of a future with him makes me happy, that's
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: not what's happening.
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because it might have been that the idea of
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: the future with him was this idea that you'd created
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: in your head of what it should be like, not
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: what the reality was looking like.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: It was really hard because he doesn't understand. He's like,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: but I was so good to you and I did
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: all of this, and I was like, you did and
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I would never take that away from you. And I said,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: but take away the money. I said, what really did
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: you contribute other than being that giving? You know, there
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: was no love and respect towards me on this issue,
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: and you never tried to fix it. I don't know
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: who can have absolute mental breakdowns in front of their partner,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: like please change this, like it needs to happen, and
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: them just going yeah, yeah, yeah, and then doing nothing,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? So it was just
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: like it was hard because he was so good in
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: so many other ways. And it's hard because we live
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: in like a drinking culture where it's like, oh god,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I've got to have a wine, Oh God, I've got
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: But I was just like touch to the point where
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just like I hate drinking. I actlutely hate it.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: I have no interest in it. I just ruins everything
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: and like I've got a negative connotation towards everything to
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: do with going out, being in a pub, Like I
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: just hate all of it, and like he's made me
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: that way, so it's changed me a lot too, and
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I just knew, like it's not changing and I just
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: probably need to need to go, even though there was
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: other things that were really good.
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: I know it's all really new, But how are you
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: going at the moment. Obviously, this is such a recent
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: thing that's kind of happened, and you've been able to
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: take that step that you've wanted to take for such
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: a long time, But how are you actually feeling at
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: the moment.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Let's like I've done this before and gone and then
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: gone back a few weeks later, and I was like
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: beside myself, like balling, like and now I'm actually a
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: lot better than I thought I would be. I think
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: because I knew it would eventually come. I just didn't
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: want to actually because like logistically it was going to
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: be so hard, and you know a lot of that.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: But I'm really sad and I love him and it sucks.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: But I think I knew, and I think I've known
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: for a while. I just didn't want to make the call.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: And the hopes that he would change. But I think
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I just said when he sat there and said, look,
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know what your problem is. I think it's fine.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: And you know, I'm fine with the way that I am.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I grew up like this and that's that's the way
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: it is. And I was like, all right, Like that's
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: just an ingrained thing and it's just not going to
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: be any different. So I don't think there's any point
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: in me trying to change something that's ingrained in someone.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: That's heartbreaking to hear that. You know you loved him
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: so much and you're asking him to put you first
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: over something else and he just couldn't do that. How
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: do you think he's taking this breakup? Do you think
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: that this is going to be a wake up call
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: or is he still going to be in this mindset
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: of well, I can't believe she doesn't accept me for
• 34:07
  Speaker 4: who I am.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: He has got a bit of a temper and a
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: bit of an angry issue as well, and I think
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: I knew from previous times that I've done this. He's
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: like a yo yo. He'll be like, no, I love you,
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: come back, I hate you, I hate you. No, you're
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: the love of my life. I'll stop. I'll stop. No,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I can't believe you do this. Like He's just very
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: all over the place. So I was very prepared for that,
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: and which has already happened now this time, which I
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: was prepared for. But this time, like when he had
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: his meltdown, I was like I was almost like immune
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: to it. I was just like usually i'd be like
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: beside myself crying, like, oh, I hate that he thinks
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: like this, and he but I was just like, you
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: know what, he can think what he wants. I've tried.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: I know I've done my best, and if he thinks
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: like that and cannot see my point of view on this,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: then so be it. And he was like, if you
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: don't move back into this house, I'm never speaking to
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: you again. And I was like, okay, then don't. I
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: don't know what you know. You cannot say I didn't try.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't last six months and go, oh, you drink
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: too much. I'm out to see you later. I tried
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: for years, and I tried every approach in the book
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: to get it fixed, and it just never did. And anyway,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: so he has kind of settled down now and I
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: think he's at a point where he's saying, look, I
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: completely understand and I am old enough now that getting
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: to the point of when you have kids and wanting
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: to marry you, and if I continue down this path,
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: it's obviously not going to go well. And I don't
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: you know, And he's like, look, I'm happy to go
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: to counseling. I think it's a problem that I need
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: help with. And I was like, well, good, I hope
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: that you do, but I'm still going to live somewhere else.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you can say all of that,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: and I've been here before. You say it, and it
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: doesn't or it happens for a month or two and
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: then it just reverts to what it was before. And
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not coming back with all my stuff,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: put it all away, get comfortable, and then once the
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: dust settles, it all kicks off again, and I'm not
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: doing it. So, if you want to go to counseling
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: and you want to resolve this issue that you've had
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: for all of your life and understand what's actually normal
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: and what's not, and you want to get all of
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: that sorted, and you know a year's time, you want
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: to come back and say, Okay, I'm I've fully fix
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: this and I know what I need to do. Then, like,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: I'm not closing the.
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: Door on that, but you've got to go do some work.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm being away from you and I'm living
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: on my own and you can go and do that.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: I'll go do it with myself. And that's just the
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: way that it needs to be because I've been here before,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: and I don't believe you anymore.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, with the visa process, because I'm assuming you've sponsored
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: him and things like that, I mean going forward, like
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: you financially responsible for him and things like that.
• 36:56
  Speaker 5: I know you said he's got a good.
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: Salary, but is that something that if you if you
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: do stay broken up, is that something that you're responsible
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: for for X amount of time?
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: No, there's not like a real financial obligation with that. Sure,
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: But basically it was so hard for me to make
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: a decision as well, because he can't really stay in
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: this country without me. So that was why a reason
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I held on so long as well, Like if I
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: leave him, he's going to lose everything and beginning out
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: of the country, and I don't want that for him.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: So that was a big consideration as well, but only
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: in the last couple of weeks. We've waited two and
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: a half years so far, and only in the last
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: few weeks they've referred it to a character unit because
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: of all of his drinking offenses and everything that he's
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: racked up on a record because of his alcohol. Wow,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: and like, I've done my time, and this is where
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: this has landed you because of what you've done. And
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: it's not my obligation anymore to stay to get you
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: through that.
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: He is not your responsibility.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: Wow, that's so difficult. That's just another complication in this
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: whole saga. I guess it's just another thing that you
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: were hanging on because you didn't want to stop him
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: from earning a living or send him home.
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: Which is so kind because that could have gone the
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: opposite way. You could have been like no, go back
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: to you, Like you could have been so nasty, but
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: you've been really, really graceful.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's the thing about me, Like I don't
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: have a temper. I'm not an angry person. I'm not
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: a spiteful person. And you know, I was like, I
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: don't want you to go. I don't want this to
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: end badly for you because you've been good to me too,
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: but it's just something that we can't get past and yeah,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: you know, we'll work it out and whatever. But it's
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: not just a simple like Okay, we've broken up, go
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: our separate ways. It's almost like having a kid, but not.
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: Well, you still feel this responsibility and you didn't break
• 38:49
  Speaker 4: up with him because you don't love him. You broke
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: up with him because you love you. And that's really
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: really special and something that not enough people do, Like
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: you need to put yourself first, and like there will
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: be someone out there who sees that and puts you
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: first in every way, shape and form, and you know what,
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: maybe it could be him in a couple of years,
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: but he needs to deal with what's going on and
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: make that realization. It's not completely writing it off and
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: being like no, we're done, Like you're just like go
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: do the work, like I'll entertain it later. I mean,
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: if something else happens, something else happens. But I admire
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: the strength you have to make that decision and still
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: be so graceful and open and you know, receptive to
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: what's going on, Like it's really impressive for someone so young.
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: You don't often see that level of insight or even
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: just like stolicism that you're you're showing us, which is
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: really really impressive.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm trying all.
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: Right, money, diarist, I have a question for you, because
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: before you said you'd negotiated in your relationship, like the
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: way you'd worked it out was that you were just
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: going to do some more work around the house and
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: he was going to contribute more financially. What does that
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: now mean for you? You said that you gave up
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: a day's worth of work each week so that you
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: got that time back. Is that going to mean you're
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: going to have to go back to work or change
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: that or what does your life look like financially now?
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's something that I'm considering because I'm like,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: obviously I mentioned the way that I am earlier, and
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: I'm super uptight, and I'm like, oh my god, I
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: can't imagine taking my rent out of my nine to
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: five job, like, and my mum had said, like, that's
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: what normal people do, and I'm like, yeah, but I
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: don't want to do that. So I'm thinking of kind
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: of picking up work again. But yeah, So he had
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: his own business and we were profiting about twenty thousand
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: dollars a week after paying everything. Wow. So there was
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: a lot of money there, and it's hard for me
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: to kind of go but like got used to the
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: dinners and the presents and all of that, and then
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: to kind of go back to, Okay, there's none of
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: that anymore. I have to pay for everything myself. You know,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: it's lucky. I have no debts or anything. But I'm
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: proud of what I have saved and what I have.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Even though you know, he was providing all of this stuff,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I need to save my own money
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: because it's allowed me to be in this position to
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: be like, all right, I'm going to get my own place.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I'll buy my own bed, I'll buy my own stuff,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: and that's fine. And I think that I could have
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: got easily wrapped up in oh, he's giving me everything,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: like I don't need to save my own money. Yeah,
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: But I never got like that. I was like, just
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: because you earn all this money doesn't mean that you
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: still shouldn't be living frugally, because imagine how much you'd
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: keep of it if you didn't live like you had
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: all that money.
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we were still on like a tight budget because
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: of me, even though we had a lot of financial freedom,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: I guess. But you know, I got him a financial
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: advisor and he, you know, knows what he's doing with
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: his money. And he was like, oh, like thank you.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: I didn't know all of this and blah blah blah.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it's going to be weird for me to
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: kind of go back to, Okay, this is a normal salary.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: I need have to pay my expenses and I don't
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: have anyone to pay them for me. But like, at
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: least I've got my own money to be comfortable enough
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: to do that and not ever be in trouble. So
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: I think that I'll be okay, It'll just be an adjustment,
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: I guess. Wow.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds like you've fully got your head screwed
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: on right and you've got a plan, you're sorted, and
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: I think this is another one of those money diaries
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: that we'd love to catch up with you again in
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: a year or two and see how far you've come
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: and the person you're turning into, because like you said
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: in the beginning, you're so young still and I feel
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: like you've got such a way to go.
• 42:41
  Speaker 5: But thank you so much.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: For sharing your story with us and also chatting with
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: us when you are in a.
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: Really vulnerable place you're live.
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: We appreciate it so much and we actually can't do
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: this stuff without you, so thank you.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: Thanks guys, thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: Thanks for sharing it. Honestly, it is so so great
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: that you get to share this story with us, because
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: I think the people listening and I'm going to learn something.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: But too, I know that in our community there is
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: another person in exactly the same position as you were
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: forty eight hours ago that's been considering making a similar decision.
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: So it's just it's so helpful. Thank you, Thanks again,
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: thank you so much. I feel like that was such
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: a powerful story that I know, as I've said already,
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: so many people are going to resonate with. But as always,
• 43:32
  Speaker 4: just before we head off, we'd like to acknowledge and
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and Torrest Right islander peoples,
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: the traditional custodians of the lands, waterways and skies all
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: across Australia. We thank you for sharing and the caring
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: for the land on which we are able to learn.
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: We pay our respects to elders past and present, and
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: we share our friendship and our kindness.
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: The advice shared on ses on the Money is general
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: in nature and does not con city your individual circumstances.
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: should not be relied upon to make an investment or
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: any financial decision. And we promise that Victoria Divine is
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: an authorized representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: ABM three four one three two four six three two
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: five seven AFSL three three nine one five one.
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: And if alcohol is a problem for you, if it's
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: harming you or someone that you know, it might be
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: time to seek advice from a professional. Of course, you
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: can talk to your local GP or local health clinic,
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: but you can also reach out to our friends at
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: drink Wise. All of the information you need is in
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: our show notes today. See you next week, guys.
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: Bye,