Latest / Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life / Starting Over After Trauma: Healing From Gaslighting & Rebuilding Life After Divorce

Transcript

Starting Over After Trauma: Healing From Gaslighting & Rebuilding Life After Divorce · Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Heartbreak and trauma may feel like the end of your story, but here it's the beginning of a bold new chapter.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Coach Deborah Griffiths, and this is the space where women rise, rebuild, and rediscover their purpose.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Remember this truth.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: You are bent not broken.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to this Bent Not Broken bonus episode.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Coach Deborah, and today I want to take a few moments to go deeper into the powerful conversation I had with award-winning author and survivor Mia J.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hanks.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't listened to the full episode yet, I encourage you to go back because Mia's story is one of courage, clarity, and the quiet strength it takes to walk away after nearly three decades with a covert narcissist.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Today's bonus episode is about understanding what we often can't see while we're in it, and what survivors need to know as they begin their healing.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm breaking this down into several segments with some coaching tips thrown in.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Segment one, when love feels like ownership.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most striking things Mia said was, I hadn't been courted, I had been acquired.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: That line hits so many listeners because it reveals a truth survivors often feel, but they cannot name.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Covert narcissists don't choose their partners, they collect them.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: They love the idea of you.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: They love what you can provide.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: They love how you make them look.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: But they do not love in a way that honors connection.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number one Name the dynamic, not the emotion.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking, why wasn't I enough?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Ask, was this love or was it control?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Reclaiming your narrative starts with telling the truth about what really happened.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Segment two, the perfect partner illusion.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Mia showed how her ex-husband could be charming, generous, and almost overly complimentary in public, yet cruel, cold, and degrading behind closed doors.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is textbook covert narcissism.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's also why survivors often stay silent.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number two Trust the version of your partner you see in private.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: The mask is for everyone else.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: The real behavior is what they show you when no one is watching.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your healing begins the moment you trust your own perception again.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Segment three.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: The physical toll of emotional abuse.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Something many listeners resonated with was Mia's physical decline, the panic attacks, the chronic pain, the stomach issues, and the headaches.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system cannot live in fight or flight forever.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number three, don't ignore your body's warning signs.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: If your body is breaking down, it's speaking the truth your mind may not be ready to accept.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, if my best friend were living with these symptoms, what would I tell her?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve that same compassion.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Segment number four, rebuilding after the escape.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: After 30 years leaving wasn't simple, it wasn't quick, and it wasn't painless.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it was possible.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Mia found strength through therapy, support groups, and unexpectedly writing her memoir, Bridesmaid, which became an award-winning book and a lifeline for survivors.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Tip number four healing happens in layers, not milestones.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself time.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Find people who believe you.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let yourself rest.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And celebrate every small step because each one is an act of freedom.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in a relationship where love feels like fear, confusion, or walking on eggshells, hear this.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: You are not stuck.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: You are not alone.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And there is a better life on the other side of abuse.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: As Mia said, narcissists rarely change, but your life can.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Your future can.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you can.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Leaving is not the end.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's the beginning of your story.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me today.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, you may be bent, but you are never broken.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Awareness Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to today's episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that this episode reminded you that even through life's toughest moments, you are bent, not broken.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: If this message inspired you, please share, rate, review, and subscribe, as it helps us reach more women who are ready to rise and rebuild.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, keep living bold and walking in your purpose.