Latest / Real Talk Real Healing / Ep 13 : The Protectors We Create to Survive with Desi: Why You're Not Actually a People Pleaser, Perfectionist, or "Too Much"

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Ep 13 : The Protectors We Create to Survive with Desi: Why You're Not Actually a People Pleaser, Perfectionist, or "Too Much" · Real Talk Real Healing

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey y'all, this is Desi.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: And this is Lisa, and welcome to our podcast, Real Talk Real Healing, where we support women through their healing journey.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Through raw stories, authentic dialogue, and uncomfortable but necessary conversations, we explore a full range of emotions, energetics, spirituality, and physical well-being that come along with being human.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hello there.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Today you are with Desi, reporting live from Sunny Glendale, only 107 degrees here today on this beautiful summer day.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited to be here with you guys.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but I've been feeling the energy.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Who else?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Can you just raise your hand with me if you're watching on YouTube?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I am definitely feeling more tired than normal.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling a lot of shifts.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much things happening astrologically.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's been a lot of solar flares.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I know I'm not alone in this.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to let you know that you are also not alone in this either.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It has been so much going on for me.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have been traveling for my business.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've been holding online events that I've never done before.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I've been stretching all of my abilities, and I have been definitely feeling the emotions.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to be talking about our protectors from childhood.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: So this month, my intention was to open up to receiving.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it has been uncomfortable for me.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been having to really look at why is this so hard?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: In order for me to receive, I realized that I feel like I need to give back or I need to give in some way.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I had a friend that we were doing some Akashic Records trading with say something along the lines of, well, what if you just allowed your husband to give in this area without having to give back?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it would just like hit me like a gut in my stomach because I was like, oh, I don't know, that feels uncomfortable.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, just another layer here to uncover.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And what I realized is this is one of my protectors from a kid, from my younger self.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because receiving, I didn't receive a lot, honestly, as a kid.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of fighting around money, around school supplies, around lunch money, and receiving didn't flow in my childhood at all.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so in order to protect myself, I built up walls.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I now had this belief that, you know, I have to give in order to receive, right?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: We had to do something.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I had to do chores or we had to do something.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: My parents fought so much about money, right?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: It was a fight for money, it was a fight to receive.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're young, right, you like you're not really necessarily thinking money is receiving.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: But now as I'm getting older and I'm in this business and I'm in this, and and I guess it, you know, how do you even say it?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like in this business of creating money with my my business, it's been really interesting because I noticed that I have a hard time receiving.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so then you start looking at the relationship you have with money, and then you start going on all these rabbit holes.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to be talking about the protectors that are still showing up in your life today that are holding you back and not actually getting it you to where you want to go, right?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're not actually experiencing the freedom, the happiness, the love, the joy, the happiness, right?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like a lot of the times I was walking around thinking I was happy.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was like fake happy is what I call it, rather than actually being happy because I had these protectors that wouldn't actually even love, let love fully in with my husband.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I had to remove a lot of those walls and a lot of those protectors to really let love in.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so have you ever stopped and wondered, am I actually this anxious, this independent, or this people pleasing?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or did I become this because it felt safer?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: As children, we don't change our environments, right?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: We can't change our environments, so we change ourselves.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: We adapt, we become who we needed to feel safe, loved, accepted, or avoid getting hurt.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: So every child is born authentic.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: We aren't born people pleasers or perfectionists or anxious.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Those are patterns that we learned.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Protectors are survival strategies.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system created to keep you safe.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And as children, we can't change our environment, so we changed ourselves.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: And the goal isn't to judge these parts of ourselves, it's to have the awareness and have the understanding.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: In when we were born, right?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: We came into this life curious, playful, expressive, creative.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: We enjoyed ourselves.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't worry about what we were wearing, how we were perceived.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: We were voisterous.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: We had tantrums when we had big emotions.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: We let ourselves be.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then life started to happen, right?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: We got older, that's gonna happen, right?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, someone criticizes us, our makeup, our hair, our clothing.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe not makeup as a kid, but you know, something that you said, something that you did.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, our parents fight, like I already, you know, uh talked about it's like our parents are fighting, right?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we're correlating love with fighting, right?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: We get bullied at school, we don't get picked, we don't get I was always the smallest, littlest one, so I never got picked, right?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that never feels good.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: That feels like rejection, right?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're getting rejected.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so we learn certain emotions are harder to deal with than others, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we learn that certain emotions aren't even welcome in our household.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was always told I will give you a reason to cry.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what I really want you to understand is these protectors really served a purpose for you.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, they they were doing its job at the time to keep you safe.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so they're not flaws, they were honestly really brilliant survival strategies.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm starting to get really curious as we're talking through these.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go over some of these protectors, how they can be showing up in your life, but I really want you to have an understanding.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, children are asking, what do I need to be love, accepted, or avoid getting hurt?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: So your nervous system keeps these strategies that worked for so long but are no longer serving you into adulthood.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're really exploring today.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So those childhood adaptions slowly became your identity in your adulthood.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I could do a whole episode on identity.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Identity is who we believe we are at the core of our subconscious and our body.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we may say, Well, I want these certain things, or I want to manifest that car or that job or that husband or that partner, but if we don't actually believe we're worthy of it at our identity, then you will not be able to manifest those things.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So this is really the understanding that there's nothing wrong with you, okay, but we're bringing the awareness so that we can make the shifts that we enjoy.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: So since you can't change your parents, you know, you can't change your schools, you don't get to choose your family, so we adapted, right?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: We became the quiet one, the loud one.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in my family with a bunch of people in the household, you had to speak really loud in order to be heard.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you became the person, the child that always got good grades and was like wanted to make everybody happy because you know you would get attention from your parents and praise.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you stopped asking for help because for help, but because when you did, you got shunned or you got told that they were too busy or they didn't actually meet you with love so that you could understand.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you became the funny one, right?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I can make people laugh, then people love me and I'm accepted.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe, like me, you never cried or you didn't have emotions because you were always told I will give you a reason to cry.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, whatever worked for you, the nervous system remembered.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: The nervous system doesn't care if the strategy was healthy, it cares whether it helped you survive.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is really the understanding.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: These were helping you survive, they're helping you adapt, they were helping you be accepted by your peers, by your family.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're really gonna go into some of these.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: We have six different ones we're gonna go in today.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is the people pleaser.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Who is the people pleaser?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have some of you listening to the people pleaser because it's just easier.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: If I just agree with everybody, and if I don't actually speak my truth, and if I don't ruffle any any feathers, then I'll be accepted.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to deal with it, and I don't have to have that conflict, right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So you scan the room before you even speak, you say no, even when you want to say yes, you say yes when you want to say no.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: You worry about everyone else and if they're okay before even checking in with yourself, and you avoid conflict, right?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're people pleasing, which actually is just giving yourself away, saying that you're not important, you're not worthy.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Who is a perfectionist?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I never really thought I was a perfectionist because I'm very a type B personality, but there were things that I wanted to get perfect in my life, like a piece of content, for instance, that one of my coaches at the time early on in my business pointed out to me.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, I can kind of see it, right?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Some of these can be really sneak sneaky, right?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you believe that mistakes equal rejection.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: You over-prepare for everything, you rewrite emails so many times to get it right.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: You never celebrate because nothing feels good enough.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're always overthinking things, or once you do something, you're like, Oh, why did I do that?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Or you're hoping that it landed right, and you're overthinking so many things, right?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that actually keeps you from actually taking action and what it is that you desire in your life because you want to have it perfect.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Who are the overachievers?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: That would be me.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: You believe your worth comes from what you accomplished.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna work really, really hard.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna make every all of my dreams come true because I'm gonna show everybody that I can do it.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Rest feels lazy, productivity feels safe, so I just gotta keep busy all the time and do all the things.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then the success that you do have just quiet after a while, right?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: It you never actually really get to enjoy the parts of you that have succeeded because you're like, okay, on to the next thing, on to the next thing.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: How unhealthy is that, right?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: We can't even like slow down to enjoy what we did, create, and the achievements that we have done.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: We have to go on to the next thing.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: What about the hyper independent ones over here?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your hand.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm do everything myself.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna ask for help.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can do it.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need you, I can do it.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: You never ask for help.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: You feel uncomfortable receiving.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Duh, I just said that, right?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hyper-independent, I can do everything on myself.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need you, and if I count on you and you fail me, then I'm gonna be more upset.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna do everything on myself, which is definitely not helping anybody.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: You learn somewhere that needing people wasn't safe.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with you.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Remember this.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is just information.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: How about the strong one?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody leans on you.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Chances are you had to grow up way too fast and you had to take care of everybody else.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, I had to get some coffee here since I've been just feeling that energy.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've been more tired than lately.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: The strong one, right?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta show up for everybody.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: When something goes wrong, everybody's calling you.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: No one knows that you're actually struggling because you got it all figured out.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Who else?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Who else?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not alone with this.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you're seeing yourself in any of these, nothing's gone wrong, right?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: How about the I don't care, right?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: When we've been hurt a lot in life, we feel like if I don't care, or if I don't have too much emotional attachment, or if I don't have too much in that basket, then I can't be hurt, so I don't care.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna open up and I'm not gonna let you in, I'm gonna keep up my walls.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, it's just really hurting yourself because you not letting other people in and actually fully receiving the spectrum of love, and you're just actually hurting yourself.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't care, then it doesn't matter.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: She pretends nothing bothers her, she minimizes everything, jokes about it, makes a joke about it.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: You feel very disconnected, and caring just feels too painful, so we're just not gonna care.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So one, two, three, four, five.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, that was six.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we had, let's go over them, right?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: The people pleaser, and you I'm not naming all of them, there's so many of them.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you can think of probably some that you are already like, oh yeah, I do some of this or I do some of that.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: The people pleaser, the perfectionist, the overachiever, the hyper-independence, the strong one, the I don't care.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So protectors show up automatically because your nervous system believes that there's an old threat that still exists.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if you get in an argument with your partner and you snap and you pop off because your nervous system is actually feeling like that's still a threat, but it's like nothing that actually they even did.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like literally a comment, and you're like, what the hell?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the protectors, right?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: They the protectors are the guard around your heart, the protector is keeping people at a distance, the protector is shutting down and not having the hard conversations, the protector is, you know, not speaking your truth.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: The protector is there's so many of them that we build, right?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can go on and on and on about the protector.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think back about your childhood and what were some of the things that hurt your feelings, that traumatized you, that left you feeling alone, that left you feeling like you didn't have anybody to speak to, that left you feeling sad and shameful, all those.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Chances are there was some kind of protector that either was built from those experiences or that have been built.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And every time you feel those ways, those protectors come up.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: So everyday situations can activate ultra viral responses, even when you're actually safe, right?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I could get an argument or be triggered by something my partner says, but I'm I'm totally safe, but I'm starting to feel unsafe, right?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because my nervous system is still on that five flight protectors, right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't really have those as much anymore.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: I still have them, of course, but the ones that were really prominent and running my life throughout my whole 20s, very painfully in my relationships, ugh, so painfully.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have those as much anymore.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: If they come up, I'm aware of them.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um we just bring up other layers, right?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm like the receiving.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want to open up to receiving more.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like what is here for me, right?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So healing begins when you notice which which protector is showing up instead of believing that's just who you are.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Healing begins when you notice which protector is showing up instead of believing this is just who I am.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: You're not five anymore, but your nervous system reacts like you are.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Someone doesn't text you back, the people pleaser, your boss gives you feedback, the perfectionist is the perfectionist hears, I'm failing.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Your husband wants help, the hyperndose depends on say, I'll do it.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Your partner's like, Oh, I can do that.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can do it.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Someone disagrees with you, the strong one shuts down or gets defensive.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so these are the ways that it shows up in your everyday life.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: So protectors aren't bad, they helped you survive, like we've been talking about.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to start thinking them instead of fighting them.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay, I know, put your hand over your heart.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know that you served me in some capacity in the past.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here, but I got this.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Another tool that I love to give my clients is to name those protectors, right?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, say anger was my protector for a lot of years.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I would name him Harry.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, Harry, I'm getting really, really triggered right now.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Harry, I know that you're coming up to try to protect me right now, but I'm actually safe.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm okay.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need you to come up.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I got this.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: You talk to the protectors, name the protectors, whatever you want to name it, right?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you feel that protector come up, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I see you, but I don't need you to protect me like that anymore.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: I got this.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you start talking to those parts of yourself.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not really about getting rid of it, but it's about, you know, trusting yourself to be able to meet those parts of yourself when they come up.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then after a while, and you keep doing this healing work and you keep meeting it, you don't really have to have those conversations.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: When those protectors aren't coming up as much anymore.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: So as you build safety in your nervous system, your authentic self naturally has room to come forward.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: So don't make the protectors the enemy.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: You get to meet them.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: I actually love my protectors.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: They served a point for me to this point.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: They got us here, they protected us in showing it some gratitude.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, but I got this.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't to kill the protectors or just never fill them again.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's about helping yourself realize that they were there and that it's okay not to react from that space, that you're not that little girl anymore, right?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: That you're not the little girl that needs to have somebody come and save her anymore because your adult self, your higher self, is already the person that can handle all of the things that are coming to her.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: So the goal is to really understand these parts of yourself.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's to have a relationship with that little girl.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: So when she's feeling triggered, when she's feeling sad, when somebody says something that hurts her feelings, you are not reacting from that little five-year-old self, four-year-old teenage self, whatever it is that's coming up.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're able to say, Oh, okay, I have this feeling coming up in my body.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's my nervous system remember, remembering, this is a protector, this is something that's coming up for me to meet myself because the people around us don't deserve to for us to be lashing out at them, right?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like the people that were in my life in my 20s that I was really angry with, not even them.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was just that they were there that I took my anger out.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not fair to them, right?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fair to the people around us that we react from our triggers and we react from our protectors because we haven't actually sat with ourselves to heal them.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so your invitation is to start meeting those parts of yourself.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you catch yourself saying, Why am I like this?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to replace that question with what part of me is trying to protect me right now?
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: What part of me is trying to protect me right now?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because that one question can really change everything.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you shift from shame into curiosity, and curiosity is where the healing truly begins.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: So again, I just want to reiterate there's no shaming ourselves, there's no getting mad at ourselves, there's curiosity, there's awareness, there's meeting ourselves, there's naming that protector.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: So when you know that protector is coming up, that you can say, Hey, I got this.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need you to yell, I don't need you to shut down, I don't need you to call names, I don't need you to send a billion text messages because you're freaking triggered.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's something I know I did in my early relationship with my husband because of the relationship I was in before.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would send all these messages because I was like angry and I was like, no one needs that, okay?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I I definitely used to be that person.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: So as you're listening today, maybe you recognize yourself on one of these protectors.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were thinking about other things that are coming up for you, and you realize that you have spent years being the people pleaser, the strong one, the perfectionist, and you've shut down, you built up walls, right?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if this is you, I just want you to know there's nothing wrong with you.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: These are the parts that were created by the younger version of yourself who simply were trying to stay safe.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: But here's a beautiful part: you don't have to live in survival.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, these are survival patterns.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: We tried to survive the best we could as kids.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so as adults, we no longer need to do that.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to set boundaries, meet your protectors, understand how your triggers are affecting you, right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: But you no longer have to be in survival anymore.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: And this is exactly why I created Inner Child Haven.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Over the course of four months, we're not just talking about these patterns, we're getting to know them, okay?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Very much understanding these patterns.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: We understand where they're coming from, what they're protecting you from, and helping your nervous system realize that you don't have to carry those same survival patterns anymore.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: So this isn't about getting rid of those parts of yourself, it's about meeting them with compassion, healing, and really understanding the runes with leave it all and reconnecting to that authentic version of yourself that's always been there.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is about reparenting yourself.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's about understanding that little girl and what she was supposed to get as a little kid.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when she didn't get those things, how are those patterns coming up today in your life?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: How are those protectors coming up today?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Inner Child Haven is a group coaching program where we come together over several weeks and I give you a module, six different modules from the ages of zero to eighteen.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you can understand what was developing, what was happening in your nervous system, what was happening in your body, what you should have got from your parents, what happened when they didn't show up in those ways.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then we go into healing for that era.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we have zero to one, zero to three, which is the innocent one, three to six, which is the curious one, seven to eight, which is, you know, so on and so on.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so you really get to understand yourself on such a deeper level.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this is more than just uh, you know, listening to a podcast or reading a book.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually going in, doing the work, and then we meet every other week to heal that part.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we do Akashic Records healing, we do breath work, we do meditations, we do belief work.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we actually get into the foundational changes that are going to change your everyday life so that you can be happy with your partner, so that you can ask for the raise that you deserve, so you can set the boundary with the mother-in-law, so that you could no longer have to be running the same programs over and over again.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if this is something that sounds like you want to come into, you can book a connection call down in the show notes with me.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: We will talk about the program.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you all the details, but I really want to hear about your little girl.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: What has she been through?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Where is she going?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where does she want to go?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Where does she need the most love?
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I just really want to get to know you, your story, and just to see if it's a good fit.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go down into the show notes and book it.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys so much for being here in my first solo episode.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, I didn't talk too fast.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was a little bit nervous, but I love talking about this work.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: It has deeply, profoundly changed my life in so many ways.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so grateful to be able to bring this medicine to the world.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: So uh thank you for being here, and we'll talk soon.