Latest / 🎙️ Rebuild & Fulfill Real conversations on burnout, rebuilding, and becoming stronger than before. / Where Do I Start? Taking the First Step When Life Feels Overwhelming | Episode 21 (Midweek Q&A)
Transcript
- Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Over the last few weeks, received several versions of the same question. Some people ask, where do I start? Others ask, I know I need to change. ⁓ But I don't even know what to do first. Or maybe you've said this to yourself. My life feels overwhelming, and I don't even know where to begin. If that's you, today's episode is for you. Welcome back to another midweek QA episode of and Fulfill. I'm Kelsey Dunbar. Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: And I'm Marc Rogala. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: One of the reasons we started doing these midweek episodes is because we wanted to answer the questions that people are actually asking. Today's question is one we've both heard hundreds of times. Where do I start? Whether it's your mental health, recovery, your physical health, a relationship, or simply trying to rebuild your life, sometimes the hardest part isn't the work. It's figuring out where to begin. So, Marc, when someone asks you, Where do I start? What's usually the first thing you tell them? Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: I mean, with me, I think it's important for the individual to open up with honesty. And when I say open up with honesty, I'm not necessarily talking about being honest with me or honest with your family members, although I think that they absolutely should. I'm talking about honesty with the person in the mirror. You know, where I'm at right now in my life, what type of changes do I need to make? You know, what if I do make these changes, you know, what is my life gonna possibly look like if I do make these changes? You know, if they have a problem with alcohol and substances, be honest with themselves. You know, don't try to justify it in your head that I don't have an issue when, you know, your wife or husband is, you know, possibly talking about going to marriage counseling or or possibly filing for a divorce. I mean there obviously are some challenges there. I think we tend to ⁓ deflect and we tend to not be honest with ourselves trying to justify that we don't have an issue with whatever it is, whether it's eating or substances, alcohol, gambling, wh whatever it might be. Okay. Mental health, you know, maybe we're a really anxious person and we lash out at our loved ones. ⁓ maybe we're we're feeling a little down and we're trying to explain to ourselves that ⁓ it's just I'm just going through a thing right now. Just be honest with yourselves. And ⁓ once you're honest with yourselves we gotta talk about, you know, possibly making some changes. ⁓ but as far as the changes go, ⁓ you know, it's we're not gonna friggin' pull the tablecloth off the friggin' table. Okay. I mean, it's literally, you know, what what can I change tomorrow or today? ⁓ that's gonna lead me to my goal that I'm looking to accomplish in my head. You know, so if it's a dietary change, you know, pick one thing that you want to eliminate and one thing that you wanna add. Obviously, if you're struck struggling with alcohol and substances, let's try to get through a certain certain stretch without drinking or using substances and then kind of build on that, you know. And I alluded to this in the last podcast. You know, if somebody's struggling with alcohol or substances, you know, it's never more than a than than a one-day contract, but I mean it could be hour to hour if you can break that down into increments and then just kind of build on that. ⁓ you know, as far as ⁓ recovery goes, i it's okay to ask for help. Okay. And it's okay to ask for help or or or attain that help, you know, from with outside organizations. There's nothing wrong with going to an AA meeting just to kind of see what it's about. There's nothing wrong with going to a support group, either on the mental health side or the dual diagnosis side, just to see what it's about. And I think that when people go to those meetings the first time, they realize that they're not on the island. They're not the only individual that's struggling with some of the issues that's going on inside the household. And it makes them feel better about themselves that they're not the only one out there, that there's a lot of people out there that have gone through or are going through the same things that they're going through. And ⁓ it it it from a psyche perspective it just makes you feel better on the inside. ⁓ but it you know, when you start talking to a therapist or if you're part of a treatment program, whether it's on the mental health or or or the dual diagnosis side, some type of alcohol addiction with mental health. You know, you go to all these groups, you go, you know, you attend the program and and mentally you hear all the things that you should be doing. And honestly, it is scary and it's daunting. I mean that's what scared the shit out of me because I come to the realization the way I was living my life, so many things had to change. And honestly that's what prevented me. From kind of jumping in the game and trying to focus on my sobriety is like, I don't even know like where to friggin' begin. You know, but the thing about it is, is if you can just focus on s you know, one abstaining and two, making little changes and Three, practice mindfulness, which is living in the moment, no more than one day at a time. ⁓ and build on that over a period of time, recovery is certainly ⁓ is is certainly going to happen. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, I I love that because I think most people don't get overwhelmed by taking the first step. They get overwhelmed because they're trying to take the next hundred. They're they're not looking at today, they're they're looking at like the entire mountain. And and and that's enough to make anybody freeze, right? Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: It's l literally when you when you're talking to a professional or if you're part of a treatment program, you're literally told that everything that you're doing, not told, but you observe that everything that you're doing is pretty much living life the wrong way. Because you know, if you're participating in a group and you're taking notes in the group and you're finding out how you're supposed to do like brain set resets. You know, or how you're supposed to process things. I mean, everything I was doing was was wrong. And the thing about it is, is when you identify that, I I ain't gonna lie, man, I wanted to run out of the room. It's like it's overwhelming. It's like, what you know, what the hell? Like literally the first forty-five years of my life, I've been living it the wrong way. You know, from a mindset perspective, from a dietary perspective, you know, from a usage perspective, you know, with the drinking, you know, casual drinking, going out with friends, whatever, you know, sales reps, whatever it might be. So, I mean, it's it's scary. And yeah, it is a mountain, but you can't climb the mountain without taking the first step. And the first step is one, getting through a day sober, and two, making some changes. One change in, you know, in my opinion, one change in each area, which is mental health. You know, maybe s include some positive affirmations, ⁓ two physical health, you know, maybe, you know, some dietary change changes. Like I said, with me was cut and pop out of my diet, you know, and and and getting some movement, maybe some walking or what have you. And then for me, yeah, I am a spiritual person, something to drive your spiritual health as well. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: So why do you think we convince ourselves that we have to have everything all figured out before we even start? Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: ⁓ that's a good question. ⁓ I I think it goes back to the fact that we're we don't give you we don't give ourselves grace, man. You know, we expect perfectionism from the person in the mirror, but we give grace to our friends and our relatives and so forth. You know, we typically want everything figured out up front. And that's why as a society, we don't like going through change. Because we don't have it figured out. And that's anything in life, Kelsey. You know, that's a change at work, that's a change in computer systems. ⁓ you know, it's anything in life is is applicable, you know, becoming a parent. Okay, you know, we think we should have it all figured out from day one. No, you're not gonna have it figured out from day one, especially if you know, obviously if it's your first child. I mean, I never even changed a diaper. You know, I never even held the newborn until my son was born. I was nineteen years old. You know, so ⁓ that's just how we are. That's just how our brains are wired. You gotta slow down the thinking process and you have to understand, okay, I'm gonna figure it out, I'm gonna figure it out, but it's gonna be a slow steady process. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. I think that's one of the biggest traps we fall into. We tell ourselves, once I know exactly ⁓ what to do, or once ⁓ feel more that I can do it. You know, or or you know, maybe one once life settles down, ⁓ then I'll start. know, but life rarely works that way. So in my experience, most people don't gain clarity before they begin. They gain clarity because begin, right? ⁓ So sometimes the step isn't about making the perfect decision. It's simply about making a decision. And ⁓ one thing I to add to that is, ⁓ we always say that we change, right? ⁓ And so there's comfort in that procrastination. in saying Okay, I know I need to do something, but when I do, then, you know, I'm afraid I'm gonna fail. So let me make sure everything is kind of perfectly aligned before I start doing anything. It's kind of like that person that on their diet and then makes it an entire bad week rather than just saying, Tomorrow I'm gonna get restarted. They wanna use that as an excuse to say, well, I screwed up this week. I'm not gonna have lost any weight on my weigh in day. So I might as well enjoy myself and then I'll start later. So it's it's that kind of mentality. So, ⁓ ⁓ of those, ⁓ that people do hold themselves back ⁓ is really helping you ultimately. You gotta start ⁓ and build and fail and then and I know we don't like the word but you get my point. If you slip, just get back at it. You don't lose the progress that you gained ultimately. All you did is you had one bad moment, one bad day, one bad outcome, and then we move on. That's it. Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, and again, I mean, put the recovery aside, let's just talk about life. And let's talk about somebody who's stuck at a friggin' job and hates their job, okay, and is just basically existing in life. You know, they're not living, they're existing. Working nine to five, waiting till Friday to payday, right? They know they want to get another job, they know they want to get another career, but they don't act on it. And the reason why they don't act on it, in my opinion, is fear of failure. Okay, and and certainty. You know, they don't know if they're gonna succeed in the new career that they cho that they choose. And they have doubt in their mind. It's no different than recovery. You know, you have doubt, you know, that you can live a life a recovery lifestyle. You have doubt that you can stay sober off of your drug of choice. You have doubt that you can make the changes needed, you know, to lose some weight or what have you. It's the same friggin' concept. You know, it's just life in general. And that and that's where that brain work needs to come into play because, you know, I've made career changes, you know, you've, you know, made some changes along the way as well, you know, but it it's it it it's controlling controllables, it's living in the moment, it's taking it one step at a time, learning a new computer system or learning a new career or learning a new product if you're a salesperson or what have you. And for the most part, people succeed. And you talk to these people like, man, I wasn't even gonna make that move. And now that was the best move that I ever made in my life because they jumped in and they figured it out. It's the same thing with recovery. Now, was there trial and error there? Maybe, probably, right? But is there trial and error when it comes to recovery? Either on the mental health side or addictive addiction side? Absolutely. There's a lot of trial and error. That's where journaling comes into play. So you know your patterns. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, and and as we say all the time, if you don't take that first step, even if it turns out to be a a mistake, what do we say about mistakes? It's an opportunity to learn, right? So you're not gonna learn if you don't take that first step. So I mean, that's it it's it's huge to take a step, even if it means that it's gonna be the wrong one, because at least you learn from it and then you find out what the right step should have been, and then you have your aha moment. Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: Learning the truth. We have to learn the truth. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: And then you just go from there and just build on that. Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: There was many a first steps taken by myself that didn't end the way I am right now. But every one of them was a learning experience and that helped me get to where I'm at right now. And it's the same thing again in life. I mean, that's I want to put that parallel there in life because I mean, look at the most successful, look at ⁓ Colonel Sanders. He didn't start KFC to over fifty over the age of 50 years old. I mean, a number of bankruptcies along the way. Ray Kroc, the gentleman that started McDonald's. I think he was either over fifty or over fifty-five years old. I think he had seven bankruptcies in his life before he finally hit a big McDonald's. And also, but he kept trying different things. And that's what we need to do as a human being is try different things to drive our health and try to get the transformation that we want. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah. So ⁓ have you ever ⁓ seen someone finally break through, not because they had a better plan, but they finally stopped waiting? So us some examples of that. I'm sure you've got a ton. Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, I mean let's just put it this way, I've seen miracles. ⁓ Like that were ridden off ⁓ that thought they were gonna be end up dead ⁓ that completely changed their lives around. You know, I've seen, you know, the one I always talk about on this podcast is Mauricio. I mean, that guy was a gangbanger, and I've mentioned his name because he's been on a podcast ⁓ Another podcast with me, and he talks very publicly about this. I'm not violating his privacy or anything like that. But I mean, he was on the streets. I mean, a gang life, a terri ⁓ unbelievable past. Drugs, alcohol at the age of 14, met him at 28, sober now for four plus years, owns a barber shop in Wooddale, Illinois. You know, I mean, I know another gentleman, okay, I'm gonna respect his privacy because he's not as public with the story. Heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. ⁓ unfortunately spent a little time in jail because of a drug and a drug charge. Okay, got sober in jail and started to ⁓ draw and he's an older gentleman. He was about fifty years old when he when he was in jail. And ⁓ he started drawing just to kill some time in jail. And, you know, the prison guard and his cellmate was talking about how good of a drawer he he was. And he didn't even he'd said I'd never even tried to draw in my life, Marc, because I was just doing it to kill time and everybody says I'm good at it. He gets out of jail, he wants to maintain his sobriety because now he's got about a year of sobriety before he gets out of jail. He starts painting, starts a business He's painting murals and he's doing like $10,000 murals in people's bathrooms and and and living rooms in very affluent neighborhoods in the western suburbs of Chicago. And it started with them learning how to draw in jail for a drug charge and then paint because he wanted to maintain a sobriety coming out of jail. I mean, those are just two stories. You know, we could sit here and talk for three hours if I give you all the stories. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: That's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. small decision to start drawing and then just letting it take on its own life. I think that's something every listener needs to hear. You're probably never gonna feel completely ready. There probably won't be a perfect moment. There probably won't be a day where all your fear disappears, right? And and that's okay. Because courage isn't the absence of fear, courage is deciding something matters more than the fear itself does. Marc Rogala Co-Founder S2T: it's like with Mauricio, he never envisioned his future. He was just fighting for his friggin' life one day at a time. Okay? That gentleman there, you know, he was going through friggin' withdrawals in jail. I mean he was sick. And going through withdrawals in jail is not fun. You're not getting you're not getting any care. You know? And then I guess, you know, I don't like talking about myself too much, but I mean look at me. ⁓ I mean, I pretty much was dead. You know, and then and then by the grace of God, you know, I get revived, go into intensive care, go to psychiatric care, meet that gentleman. But do you think that first day of sobriety I thought we'd be doing this? Well no. I was just trying to friggin' survive and not use and not drink and go through a day without throwing up, quite frankly. You know, I but I mean it's just taking one day at a time, trying to build on that, comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. And you know, ⁓ fate has a funny way of playing itself out. I mean, I didn't know anything except the insurance industry. And now I'm out of the insurance industry and working at a behavioral health center, working with people that are dealing with mental health and addiction issues and doing this with you. I Used to say I could never dream this in a million years. No, I could never have dreamt this. So yeah, I mean there are so many fragrance stories. And they're beautiful stories. They really are. Kelsey Dunbar Co-Founder S2T: Yeah, and and I love hearing them and I tell people all the time, you know, as as often as we talk to each other, there was actually a couple of things that I heard in this podcast that's new information to me. So it I I love hearing the stories. ⁓ but ⁓ I think probably a decent place to wrap for our midweek episode. We try and keep these a little bit shorter, kind of like the quick hits in the middle of the week, that sort of thing. So if you've been asking yourself, where do I start? Here's our answer. Start somewhere. Not perfectly, not all at once, just somewhere. Don't wait until you have the perfect plan. Don't wait until you feel more confident. Don't wait until life gets easier. Take one step because action creates clarity, not the other way around. And here's something I hope that you'll The smallest step in the right direction will take you farther than standing and waiting for certainty. So before our next episode, here's your challenge. Don't make a list of ten things you need to change. Pick one. One phone call, one walk, one journal entry. One counseling appointment, one conversation, one decision you've been putting off, then before your head hits the pillow tonight, do it. Because rebuilding your life doesn't begin when you have everything figured out. It begins the moment you decide to take the first step. So as always, if today's conversation encouraged you, share it with someone who's feeling stuck. And if you have a question you'd like us to answer on our future midweek Q<unk>A episodes, send it our way. We'd love to hear from you. So until next time, remember, you're not broken. You may just be overloaded. And we will see you next time on Rebuild and Fulfill. Take care.