Latest / The Daily Sarcast / October 5th, 2026: The Plane That Should Have Crashed, Title XI And Secret Chicken Parm

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October 5th, 2026: The Plane That Should Have Crashed, Title XI And Secret Chicken Parm · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
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  She was there for two hours and you gave her 60 bucks? Did that even cover the cab?
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  Jeff Lewis to Andy Cohen on how much he paid his babysitter.
• 1:22
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and maybe a laugh.
• 1:27
  I'm Lindsay Vernick and today is October 5th, 2026.
• 1:31
  I hope you guys enjoyed Topher's episode on Friday. It was so fun.
• 1:36
  I love his jingles. They're so fun. He's the best. He's one of my newest friends
• 1:40
  from improv and comedy. So yeah, hope you guys had a great weekend.
• 1:45
  Such crazy weather. Like one day it's super hot, the next day it's fall. Like who can...
• 1:51
  Who can keep up? So in real news, Disney World might have accidentally solved
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  one of the country's biggest infrastructure problems.
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  And obviously the solution is hiding underneath the Magic Kingdom.
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  So under Disney World, as you probably very well know, there are these huge
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  underground tunnels called utilidors.
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  And they carry electricity, water, sewage, and even the systems that control the animatronics.
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  And they also keep Disney employees and characters from walking through the
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  park where everyone can see them.
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  But the crazy part is that we have a massive underground utility problem, and they don't.
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  Literally every year, there's about 700,000 incidents where someone is digging
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  and hits an underground utility line.
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  That's literally like one every 47 seconds.
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  And it costs the country about $83 billion a year.
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  So underneath all of our streets, there's basically a giant bowl of spaghetti
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  made out of gas lines, water pipes, electricity, and internet cables.
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  And sometimes nobody actually knows where everything is. And New York is especially bad.
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  Some streets have been dug up at least once a year for 30 years.
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  But other countries have decided to get their shit together.
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  Prague has utility tunnels that are patrolled by robot dogs that map underground cables.
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  And Singapore has massive utility corridors carrying water, energy, and data.
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  They say that while building these tunnels, it can cost about twice as much
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  up front, but they eventually pay for themselves because you're constantly not
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  ripping up the street to fix something.
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  So back to Disney World. They figured out how to organize its underground infrastructure
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  but the rest of our country is still calling 8-1-1 and hoping Gary knows where the gas line is.
• 3:32
  Remember that fly Dubai flight that almost crashed last week?
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  Okay obviously you know all about it but here's some more info on it that you
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  actually might not know.
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  So that plane somehow survived something it was absolutely not supposed to survive.
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  The plane suddenly went into a 39-degree nosedive and dropped 17,400 feet in just 92 seconds.
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  That's almost three and a half miles in about a minute and a half,
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  and it was going almost at the speed of sound.
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  And there were more than 170 people on board. At that speed and angle,
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  the forces on the plane were strong enough that engineers say it could have torn the plane apart,
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  and parts of the tail actually did break off, but the main part of the plane,
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  as you know, stayed together.
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  The pilots managed to pull the plane out of the dive and stabilize it,
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  as we know, and eventually land safely in Saudi Arabia,
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  which means that this Boeing 737 MAX basically went through the equivalent of
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  getting thrown down a flight of stairs, losing some body parts,
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  and then calmly walking into the emergency room.
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  And here's also the really crazy part. Like, these airplanes are not supposed to fly like this.
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  The fact that this one survived gave engineers a rare real-world look at how
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  much punishment the plane can actually take.
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  So congrats to Boeing, I guess. It's a big win for them. Your airplane survives
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  traveling toward the ground at the speed of sound and didn't crash.
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  Unfortunately it did have to show it can do that in real life with real people on board.
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  In a little bit of lighter news, a couple in Pennsylvania accidentally bought
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  an abandoned house from the 1830s at an auction.
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  So they went to this auction intending to bid on a regular house,
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  but then they accidentally won this abandoned 1830s house for $100.
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  This house has been sitting vacant for decades, and the couple had no idea that
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  they were bidding on it until they won.
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  I mean, what did you think you were going to get for $100? I would assume a giant cardboard box.
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  So after they found out they won, they had to figure out what exactly they had bought.
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  But apparently they were like so shocked when they found out that this house for $100 was shit.
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  I mean, again, what did they think that they were getting for $100?
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  It had walls, doors, windows, and a roof. I mean, that seems pretty fair price to me.
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  It did need a lot of extensive repairs. And the couple is now trying to figure
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  out what to do with their accidental new home.
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  This is also why I don't go to auctions. I don't need to accidentally come home
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  with an abandoned house.
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  I already have enough problems from accidentally ordering things on Amazon.
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  In Lindsay life, I went to an Italian restaurant this past weekend in the Upper
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  East Side. It's called Uva. It's a great place. It's like your classic Italian restaurant, right?
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  So I went with a friend and we agreed beforehand. We were like,
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  we really want chicken parm. We want to share a chicken parm.
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  And like, but we get there and we're looking at the menu and there's no chicken
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  parm on the menu, which was weird, right? It's like an Italian restaurant.
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  They literally ate everything else.
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  So the waitress comes over and we're like, hey, can we like,
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  they had eggplant parm. We're like, hey, could we get chicken parm?
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  And she was like, yeah, guys, that's on our secret menu.
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  Like what kind of Italian restaurant is chicken parm on a secret menu?
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  I don't think that's so secret, is it?
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  I also asked for my favorite cocktail, which is a tequila sour.
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  And I like having egg whites in it, right? I mean, like if you ever had a whiskey
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  sour, it's delicious. It's like literally the best drink.
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  And she says to me, oh, we don't have that. We don't have egg whites.
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  You're a restaurant. You don't have eggs in your kitchen. Do you guys have water?
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  Is that on the secret menu too?
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  And yes, the water was in fact on the secret menu.
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  So thing of this week is something a little more serious. I know,
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  sorry, I guess today is a little bit more serious, but it's just kind of what
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  happens. You know, I can't control the news.
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  So thing of the week this week is the Cornell rape case and how it brought Title
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  IX back into the conversation.
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  And I wanted to make it thing of the week this week because as some of you might
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  know, I've also been through the Title IX process back in college.
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  And the fact that people are finally paying attention to this process is so
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  mind-blowing, but at least it's finally happening.
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  So the Cornell case, if you don't know, is about this former student who was
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  sexually assaulted by members of a fraternity in 2024.
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  So Cornell conducted a Title IX investigation, which is like their Title IX,
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  rule is like their school's internal investigation into sexual assault cases.
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  So they did their Title IX investigation and the men got in trouble and some
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  were suspended and some were expelled from the school.
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  But there were no criminal charges because that's also a separate process,
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  so now as we all know the criminal investigation has been reopened and then
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  new york has appointed a special prosecutor to oversee the case
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  which is like to me so cool like i'm i'm so happy for this poor girl but i also
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  feel so sad for this girl because she's in the news so much
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  and i was in the news as well and obviously I was unnamed, but to hear your name come up
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  so much, and I'm realizing now this is probably the first time I'm publicly,
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  quote unquote, publicly talking about it.
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  But yeah, I mean, to be in the news like that so much and be like the victim
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  sucks. Like you feel like your name is still on there.
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  So it's like very bittersweet, I'm sure, for this woman.
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  So when people talk about Title 9, it sounds very official and legal,
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  but when you're the person going through it, it's very, very confusing and incredibly personal.
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  So I think that it's amazing that people are looking at how crazy the Title IX process can be.
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  I obviously can't speak for the woman at Cornell or tell you what happened,
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  you know, specifically in that case. But.
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  But I can say that going through Title IX changes the way you hear about stories like this.
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  Because behind all this policy and legal arguments are young women who have
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  already been through hell, and then they have to sit in rooms with random men
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  in suits, retell them everything that happened,
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  relive what happened to them, answer questions, wait for decisions,
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  and then try to be a normal student during all of this time, which, by the way,
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  can take weeks to months for this whole process to happen.
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  Him. So thing of the week this week is this Cornell case being national news
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  and people finally looking into what really makes sense.
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  Young women are supposed to be having the time of their lives at college,
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  and it turns out to be the worst time of their lives.
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  Okay, I'm really not trying to kill a mood here, but obviously this is something
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  that's really important to me.
• 10:19
  Cooking tip of the day. Taste your food before you're finished cooking.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a date,
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  email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
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  Thank you so much for listening today. Have a great Monday, and I will talk to you guys tomorrow.