Latest / Behind Every Great Man / EP 49: What Happened To The Woman Who Felt Alive?
Transcript
- Jessica Zubchevich: Behind every great man is a great confident exceptional woman. Hi and welcome to Behind Every Great Man. I am Jessica, your host. Behind every great man is a great woman who is still turned on to life. When you hear the words turned on, what comes to mind for you? Turned on, you may think about being turned on for sex. And yeah, that's part of it. And I feel like that's holding it very, very small, and that's looking at one aspect of being turned on. Turned on. I got turned on to the meaning of turned on by Mama Gina. I don't know if you've heard of her, but she's an author, an advocate for women for decades, helping them stay turned on, their passions, their desire for life, and living a turned-on life. She's amazing and bold and she's great. She has said A turned on woman pays attention to her desires. I wonder if many women don't lose desire. It doesn't go away. We we've talked about that before, but we simply stop paying attention to it. So for purposes of this episode, I want you to think about being turned on, not just in your body, but in life. Turned on with yourself, with life, with God with your husband, not just turned on sexually. So I want to go through some of these and just see where you're at with it. When is the last time that you wanted something just because you wanted it? Not because someone else wanted it, your kids wanted it, because it made you feel good. It made you feel alive. When's the last time you felt excited about something? Not because you checked off something from the calendar or you check something off of the list, but something that genuinely excited you. When was the last time you initiated something with your husband? Not because you felt like you should or that it's been a while and I probably should do this, because you genuinely wanted to. When was the last time that you look forward to something that had nothing to do with your kids or your responsibilities or your family? Just you. When is the last time you laughed until your stomach just hurt, until you're crying tears? When's the last time? Can you remember? When's the last time you felt playful or flirty or giggly? When was the last time you felt deeply connected to you? Not your role, not you as mom or you as wife. Just you feeling connected to yourself, grounded in who you are. If some of these questions were difficult to answer, then I think that this episode is for you. And I'm glad that you're here. I don't think that women wake up one day and they're just turned off. I don't think desire just goes away. We stop paying attention to it. And one of the things that psychologists have shown us is that our brains become incredibly efficient at noticing whatever we repeatedly ask it to notice. So if I spend years looking for problems, I'm gonna be an amazing problem solver, but but I'm always going to be searching for problems. If I spend my days scanning for what's wrong, what could go wrong The shoe falling, what's the saying? Waiting for the shoe to drop. You knew what I meant. Then that's always what I'm gonna be looking for. If I constantly look for what my husband isn't doing, then I'm naturally going to always look for a way to confirm that story. Yeah, there he goes again, not doing what I wanted him to do. If we spend years asking every day when we first wake up in the morning, what needs me? Who needs me? What's going wrong? What fires do I need to put out? It's not that that's bad. That's life. We're talking about life here. But just notice if it has become only that for you. It's only What's needed to be done and the responsibilities. Our attention becomes trained there. That is what we focus on. That is our existence. And there's no room for you, yourself, your desires staying turned on. When we stop being turned on in our own lives, that's when the color and the vibrancy. It dulls, it fades, it becomes gray, it becomes black and white. Every day feels like the same day. It's like Groundhog's Day. There's nothing exciting and moving about the freaking calendar. And this is the part that I really started thinking about. If your husband thinks that you lost desire for him. He probably doesn't know unless you've communicated this to him that it's not just desire for him, it's desire for you, for yourself. It doesn't affect just one relationship. That's just one aspect of you feeling turned on and being turned on and desire for. Life. So I'm sure he takes it personally that you don't desire him, you don't initiate, but maybe what he doesn't know is yes, it feels personal. And yes, you can be hurt and offended by it, but it's way bigger than that. And if you resonate with what I'm saying there, and it is bigger than just desire with your husband, he needs to know that. He needs to know because, man, that's a hit. That's a hit to think that your wife just doesn't desire you anymore. And maybe you think you just don't desire him anymore. And maybe that is the case. But this is something to really notice and dig into to see if it's man, I've lost desire in general in life. I'm looking through a lens of black and white. And I think that this is something that happens so easily to women, unfortunately, because we sign on to these roles. That ask everything from us and we give and we show up to these roles fully for our families, for our children, for our husband, and we are completely devoted to them. So naturally, without us noticing it, we push ourselves to the back burner. Yes, okay. Wake up in the morning and think about the things that you need to get done. We need to do this, this, this, this. But do not put your feet on the floor and get out of your bed until you are thought about. What do I need today? What would make me feel good today? What would make me feel alive and radiant and beautiful? It doesn't have to be anything big. But the point is, it's putting a stake in I matter too, my needs, my wants, my desires. I would love if you woke up and like, man, what would turn me on today? What would make me feel playful and edgy and beautiful? This is for you, sister, but it's also for your marriage and having a love and having a life that. Is alive. I've gotten a taste of what it's like to lose desire to not feel turned on. And it was around motherhood, postpartum, but I knew that I needed to work my way back. I needed to come home to myself again. I needed to make that journey, even if it was one tiny step at a time. I remember being in our our gym in the garage and I'm just laying on a yoga mat postpartum and I'm just feeling my big belly and it just feels like jelly and I'm just laying there, just staring at the ceiling, like okay, I don't feel like myself, I don't feel sexy, I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel any of these things, but that's okay. I'm not there. This is where I'm at right now. This is the season. This isn't the season for a photo shoot or being on the cover of a magazine. Right. Just popped out a baby, just a little miracle that women do. But I knew that I wanted to get back to feeling like myself, to feeling turned on, to feeling radiant and desired, desire. Not just desired. I feel like all throughout history it's been how women can be desired by men, be desirable, but that is not what we're talking about here. This is feeling desire within yourself. So it's not how do I desire my husband more? It's when did I stop listening to my desire altogether? It's time for our weekly pause. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, please take a couple moments for yourself. Close your eyes if you can. Let's all take a deep inhale together. Exhale it out. Another deep soothing breath in. Exhale it out. One more deep breath in. America You to gently ask yourself: what turns me on to life? What makes me feel alive? Makes me feel curious. Makes me feel connected to myself. What turns you on to yourself, sister? What makes you feel confident and beautiful? Strong playful. What turns me on to my husband? Is it his laugh? the way that he holds you? The way he loves your family, The way he looks at you? The moments you share together that maybe you've stopped noticing or taking for granted. Just notice what comes up for you. Because desire rarely disappears and It simply fades to the background when we stop noticing or listening to it. One more deep breath in together. Exhale it out and open your eyes. Sister, I hope this episode resonates with you. May it awaken something in you to stay turned on in your life, turned on in your relationship, and turned on to the woman that God created you to be. Behind every great man is a great woman who still stays turned on to life. Thank you for joining me on this week's podcast episode. You can find more episodes of Behind Every Great Man on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if this spoke to you, please subscribe and share it with a friend. Thanks again, and I'll see you next week.