Latest / What The Heck with Matt Bellassai / The Dating App Apocalypse, Shameful Sandwiches, and Froyo’s Revenge

Transcript

The Dating App Apocalypse, Shameful Sandwiches, and Froyo’s Revenge · What The Heck with Matt Bellassai

• 0:00
  Anyway, I think we've talked about engine up, moving on, what
• 0:04
  the heck is going on with the moon?
• 0:11
  Welcome back to What the Heck, a brand new podcast about all the
• 0:15
  things that are making me say what is going on, what the heck
• 0:18
  is happening, and just all the things that are making me say
• 0:20
  what the heck there? Oh, there's a candle on.
• 0:23
  I was like what is flashing over there?
• 0:28
  There's like a bomb that went off outside my apartment earlier
• 0:31
  and I it literally scared the shit out of me and like truffles
• 0:34
  went ran running and I don't know what it is.
• 0:38
  I I got the citizen app, which is a horrible app that's
• 0:42
  designed to just tell you how many people are getting stabbed
• 0:44
  in your neighborhood, which unfortunately is a non 0 number
• 0:48
  where I live. It was scary don't know what it
• 0:51
  was looked outside. There was a plume of smoke
• 0:54
  heading into the air. Anyway, I'm alive.
• 0:57
  We're alive. We made it to episode 2 of What
• 1:00
  the heck, the podcast with me, your host, Matt Bellassai.
• 1:04
  I there are too many news, news stories happening this week.
• 1:07
  I can't keep up. But I did go.
• 1:10
  I went to the gym. I did my little treadmill.
• 1:14
  I put I put it on an incline. And then you know what I do?
• 1:16
  I set my phone right on the thing.
• 1:19
  A fire up some Glee compilations.
• 1:24
  That's how you get the physique that I have, folks.
• 1:30
  I really would love to know what the other people like.
• 1:33
  Do you ever think about the other people that you see in
• 1:35
  life who are like, Oh yeah, that's the lady, That's the old
• 1:39
  lady with the greyhounds. And it's like, who are you to
• 1:42
  other people? I always wonder that about me in
• 1:45
  the gym. Like, am I yet?
• 1:48
  Do I smell? Am I like the guy who sweats too
• 1:50
  much? Do I?
• 1:51
  Oh, that he's the man with the big fat juicy ass cheeks.
• 1:56
  I must have. Fat juicy asshole.
• 2:00
  You wouldn't know about that, would you?
• 2:04
  Anyway, what a week we've had, I don't know, too many, too many
• 2:08
  people are doing things with their heads this week that is
• 2:11
  making me pretty upset. John Travolta just unveiled us a
• 2:15
  series of some of the most insane hats that have ever been
• 2:17
  worn by a human hat. I'm like, what is happening with
• 2:22
  that man's life that I don't know.
• 2:24
  He's debuting some type of like Parisian fashion show on his, on
• 2:28
  his bald head. But you know, not many people
• 2:34
  are doing doing the work he's doing for the bald and gay guy
• 2:36
  community. And I respect that about him
• 2:40
  'cause we, we are kindred spirits in that way.
• 2:43
  Who else? Ryan Lochte.
• 2:44
  Ryan Lochte has just got replaced by a whole other person
• 2:47
  and we're supposed to be fine with that?
• 2:49
  That's upsetting. I don't know when that happened.
• 2:52
  Did you see Ryan Lochte? I don't want to.
• 2:55
  I want to disparage him too much because at this point he's just
• 2:58
  a guy. He won Ryan Lochte.
• 3:00
  I mean, yeah, he won like a bunch of gold medals a while ago
• 3:03
  and then became famous for being stupid.
• 3:07
  He literally became famous for being a big fucking idiot.
• 3:12
  Literally, he played a character on 30 Rock just known as a hot
• 3:17
  idiot. And then he like staged a
• 3:21
  robbery in with Venezuela or Chile or something Cuba.
• 3:27
  But then he this week announced that he was going to coach or I
• 3:32
  don't know, attend school at like a university or a high
• 3:36
  school in the South. And it was a different person.
• 3:40
  There's a it's a fully different person.
• 3:42
  That's not I don't know who that man is.
• 3:44
  That motherfucker back there is not real.
• 3:46
  Remember that Lady from the airplane, Timothy Chalamet, got
• 3:51
  a new haircut that people are going kind of feral for.
• 3:54
  So there's just a lot happening in terms of people's heads and
• 3:57
  faces that he's upsetting and a lot to deal with and like, oh, I
• 4:01
  don't know, Iran or whatever, but.
• 4:04
  Also it was in Rio Ryan Lochte's.
• 4:07
  Riot Olympics live fat check. It was, in fact, Rio de Janeiro
• 4:15
  that Ryan Lochte got robbed in. But yeah, let's.
• 4:19
  I think we should just jump right into some of my what?
• 4:21
  The hecks for the week. Things that are making me say
• 4:24
  what the heck? First, what the heck are people
• 4:30
  doing climbing Mount Everest? Get down.
• 4:34
  Get down. There's no reason to be up
• 4:37
  there. You're not.
• 4:38
  You're not impressed. I'm not impressed.
• 4:40
  Guess what? I saw a picture of it.
• 4:43
  I did exactly what you did, essentially.
• 4:46
  I can understand. Fifty, 100 years ago, before
• 4:49
  photos existed that you used. Oh, yeah, I need to go to the
• 4:53
  top of Mount Everest because I'll never know what it looks
• 4:56
  like. I know what it looks like.
• 4:58
  I've been on an airplane. I'm just crazy.
• 5:00
  I was looking it up because Mount Everest, the tip of Mount
• 5:03
  Everest, and they're measuring from the balls is like 29,000
• 5:10
  feet. It's literally you're up as high
• 5:13
  as an airplane flies 30,000 feet.
• 5:16
  Apparently this week they like it was in the news 'cause they
• 5:19
  set like a record, a new record for the number of people who
• 5:23
  summited Mount Everest in a single day.
• 5:25
  It was like 291 people, I think, who summited it in, in a single
• 5:30
  day. And the thing that, like I was
• 5:35
  shocked by it is that people pay, you have to, you have to
• 5:40
  purchase a permit in order to climb Mount Everest.
• 5:44
  And it's like the Nepalese government that charges for it
• 5:47
  and they raise the fee and it's $15,000 to get a permit.
• 5:53
  And it's like, I, I guess they, I guess they just like, they
• 5:58
  just raised the amount 'cause there was like too many people
• 6:01
  trying to climb it. And I'm like, what does that
• 6:04
  even mean? What does that mean?
• 6:06
  It's, it's a, a mountain. How do you, how are you charging
• 6:10
  to climb a mountain? But also why are you paying to
• 6:14
  climb a mountain? Why are, why are you paying
• 6:16
  $15,000 to do something that like you have to walk past the
• 6:21
  corpses of the people who have tried this before you?
• 6:24
  It's like there are, I think there's some, there's like at
• 6:27
  least there's over 100 if I'm not mistaken, currently corpses
• 6:32
  on Mount Everest because it's like not safe to go and get
• 6:36
  their bodies. And so you have to like walk
• 6:38
  past the corpses of Mount Everest on your way to the top.
• 6:42
  Maybe that's motivating. I don't know.
• 6:44
  Maybe you're like, I'm doing this for you, so you couldn't.
• 6:50
  That's how I feel every time I do one of those restaurant
• 6:52
  challenges. They'd have to win AT shirt.
• 6:55
  I look at all the corpses of the people who have failed before
• 6:57
  me. They should show that actually,
• 6:59
  instead of the people who did do the challenge.
• 7:02
  Show me the the the shameful faces of all the people who have
• 7:06
  failed to eat the two large pizzas in under 20 minutes.
• 7:10
  I want to see that. And then I and then I'll I can
• 7:13
  look at them and say I'm better than this filth.
• 7:16
  I'm going to do this and win that T-shirt.
• 7:18
  There was a pizza restaurant near where I grew up that we
• 7:21
  used to get a disputed pronunciation of their name.
• 7:26
  The restaurant was spelled NONNA apostrophe.
• 7:30
  SI would call it nonna's because why the fuck is that second in
• 7:37
  there if it's nonna's? You dumbasses.
• 7:40
  I guess that's how Italians pronounce it though, right?
• 7:44
  No, no, fuck me. I just I literally just kind of
• 7:49
  talked to myself into realizing why people said no, no fuck.
• 7:55
  But anyway, they used to have a challenge.
• 7:57
  It was like they it was kind of like a really thick crust pizza.
• 8:01
  It it wasn't deep dish. It wasn't Chicago deep dish, but
• 8:04
  it was like a really bready pizza and they would cut like an
• 8:10
  extra large pizza into 4 squares.
• 8:13
  And that was like every piece was basically a quarter of a
• 8:16
  pizza. And if you finish two slices, so
• 8:20
  essentially like half of an entire pizza, you got your, you
• 8:25
  got like AT shirt and your face on the wall.
• 8:27
  And they were like huge, 'cause I the first time, of course, the
• 8:32
  first time you see a challenge like that, you're like, OK, this
• 8:36
  is I'm going to walk in, we're going to clean up, we're going
• 8:39
  to take our prize and we're going to walk out of there.
• 8:42
  And then you take a few mouthfuls of essentially just
• 8:46
  straight up gluten. And it's tough.
• 8:48
  It's a tough, it's a tough battle, but I feel like if I had
• 8:53
  seen the the faces of the people who had died before me, I would
• 8:56
  have succeeded. That's all I'm saying.
• 8:59
  I don't think the corpses are like lining the.
• 9:02
  Tray, sure. No, I think part of the reason
• 9:04
  why the corpses are not visible I or not easily accessible is in
• 9:09
  fact because they're like buried beneath the snow.
• 9:11
  I don't. I don't think that you're just
• 9:12
  kind of like looking at a Mount Rushmore of corpses as you make
• 9:16
  your way to the top. But there was one photo in this
• 9:19
  one article that I was reading that shows you, we'll put it,
• 9:21
  we'll put the photo on the TV of the people.
• 9:24
  It was like in 2019, I think was the last time that like this
• 9:28
  many people summited Mount Everest in one day.
• 9:30
  And it was, it's like a lot. You're waiting in line to get to
• 9:35
  the top because so many people are on it at the same time.
• 9:39
  Get down, get down from there. That's not we're not supposed to
• 9:42
  be up there. Don't make unnecessary journeys.
• 9:46
  Do you remember that video? Don't drive on Tratrice roads.
• 9:53
  I love that Lady. I need to be here for Halloween
• 9:56
  next. I've been seeing a lot of
• 9:58
  sandwiches lately that are not sitting right with me
• 10:01
  construction wise. I don't think you understand.
• 10:04
  You can't just slap whatever you want in between two pieces of
• 10:07
  bread and call it a sandwich and think I'm just going to be happy
• 10:09
  with that. No, OK, Sandwiches are a very
• 10:13
  beautiful series of events that have to come together in harmony
• 10:18
  in order to work as a sandwich. I nothing pisses me off more,
• 10:23
  I'll tell you this right now, than a sandwich made on a crusty
• 10:26
  baguette. You could get the fuck out of
• 10:28
  here. You expect me to be chomping
• 10:31
  into that? I literally shards, shards of
• 10:36
  bread ripping apart the inside of my mouth in an attempt to get
• 10:40
  just a single bite. OK, don't like that.
• 10:44
  Because what is happening in a baguette sandwich is like so
• 10:48
  unwieldy and like there's so much happening texturally, The
• 10:52
  amount of stuff that you can put inside of the baguette sandwich
• 10:55
  is basically nothing. And so what's the fucking point?
• 10:59
  I guess you're just eating a baguette, which is good.
• 11:05
  I just, I'm upset. I get upset about the fact that
• 11:08
  like, if you want me to eat a baguette, give me a baguette.
• 11:11
  I'll fucking eat a baguette. But if you want me to eat a
• 11:14
  sandwich, don't put it on a baguette and expect me to be
• 11:16
  happy. I'm going to be upset about the
• 11:18
  fact that it is literally impossible to eat.
• 11:21
  If a sandwich is too big for me to literally get my I have to
• 11:24
  unhinge my jaw in order to take a single bite of it, I'm out.
• 11:28
  I this stuff that they're doing at Pret a Manger is I don't like
• 11:34
  the there, there's something about Pret A Manger that gives
• 11:36
  me AKA Pret as some people call it, which is like so strange,
• 11:42
  like a, a French sounding restaurant, but it's like huge
• 11:45
  in the UK. It is like a British restaurant
• 11:48
  and it's like what? You're selling me a lie already.
• 11:53
  There's something about the energy inside of a Pret that is
• 11:57
  so, that is so repelling. It's like a supermarket
• 12:02
  masquerading as a fast food restaurant and it's pissing me
• 12:05
  off what they're doing in that restaurant.
• 12:08
  Pret A Manger. They have a number of sandwiches
• 12:11
  at Pret that are on a baguette and they cost $18.00 for some
• 12:15
  reason. And it's got like 2 slices of
• 12:18
  burrata, a single arugula leaf, and you're charging me that much
• 12:24
  to basically stab myself in the tongue with the sharpest bread
• 12:29
  I've ever eaten And I'm sick of it.
• 12:34
  I'm seeing so many sandwiches that are so difficult to eat,
• 12:38
  all all in the name of like, look at this beautiful sandwich
• 12:41
  that I put together. No, it's not all about looking
• 12:44
  good, it's about tasting good. And some sandwiches are all
• 12:48
  about the looks. OK, We we cannot be shallow
• 12:52
  about our sandwiches. Give me a fat sloppy Joe.
• 12:55
  Give me a disgusting fat sloppy Joe.
• 12:59
  OK, I. Just don't know if I agree with
• 13:01
  that but. Although I do get pissed off, I
• 13:04
  get pissed off at the This is going to be almost sacrilegious
• 13:09
  to say, and I don't know if I'll be allowed back in Chicago after
• 13:12
  I utter it, but we were talking produce, Barry and I, about beef
• 13:19
  sandwiches in Chicago that are just, they're basically soup.
• 13:25
  And it's not only stop being a sandwich, it's stopping a solid
• 13:28
  food all together and is entered liquid territory.
• 13:32
  I've seen videos this week. I'm just getting videos of
• 13:35
  sandwiches a lot. That's why this is on my mind.
• 13:39
  I've been seeing, I've been seeing videos where they take
• 13:43
  the entire beef sandwich before they serve it to the customer
• 13:46
  and dip it in aju and then slap it into foil so that when you're
• 13:52
  opening it, a gushing wet tidal wave of aju hits you in the
• 13:57
  mouth and it's like, that's not a even a sandwich anymore.
• 14:01
  Stop calling it a sandwich. A beef sandwich is kind of one
• 14:04
  of those things. Also that's like why is it in
• 14:07
  hot dog shape? Why is why is beef sandwich cut
• 14:14
  this way instead of that way? Right.
• 14:17
  Because it's so wet. But it's like it's still
• 14:20
  dripping out the bottom and half of the time the bread that
• 14:23
  they're putting it on. Shit, gross, disgusting.
• 14:26
  I want to barf. They're putting too much on
• 14:30
  sandwiches these days. They're putting way too much on
• 14:33
  sandwiches. A club sandwich, you greedy,
• 14:36
  gluttonous bitch. This is the kind of sin that
• 14:39
  they talked about in the Bible. OK, This is what they use.
• 14:42
  This is the type of gluttony they used to throw people and
• 14:44
  volcanoes over. I'm sick of people.
• 14:47
  Oh there's just a meaningless piece of bread in the middle of
• 14:50
  this already complete sandwich. Get out of here.
• 14:54
  I fucking hate a club sandwich with my entire life.
• 14:57
  What else sandwich wise? This is just the sandwich
• 15:00
  episode. I think ice cream sandwiches are
• 15:04
  playing too too crazy with their construction.
• 15:07
  Now, I'm not opposed to an Ice Cream Sandwich.
• 15:09
  Let me be very clear about that. But I do not like when you an
• 15:13
  Ice Cream Sandwich is being made with two of the hardest cookies
• 15:16
  that you've ever seen in your life.
• 15:18
  You cannot give me a boulder of cookie with ice cream in between
• 15:23
  it and expect me to be happy that, oh, look at this
• 15:26
  innovative Ice Cream Sandwich that's using a different
• 15:29
  material of construction. You're pissing me off and don't
• 15:36
  even get me started when a package is like, just leave it
• 15:40
  on the counter for 10 minutes before you eat it.
• 15:42
  Now you're putting the onus on me.
• 15:45
  You're you're making me do the labor of enjoyment for for for
• 15:51
  this Ice Cream Sandwich. You're making me do the labor of
• 15:56
  waiting. It should be.
• 15:58
  It should come in the package pre waited for.
• 16:01
  There was that sandwich. I, we got a ice cream sandwiches
• 16:05
  on the way to Italy, wasn't it? We were in Italy recently for
• 16:09
  our friend Erica's wedding and we we flew JetBlue.
• 16:15
  And it's like, even if you're in like chattel class, they'll give
• 16:18
  you like treats and stuff. They treat you respectfully when
• 16:21
  you're flying overseas. And as part of the dessert, it
• 16:25
  was a little ice cream sandwiches.
• 16:30
  Oh, that was when we went to London.
• 16:31
  London. Yeah, for the Harry style show.
• 16:34
  But JetBlue gives out, you know, as part of their meal service,
• 16:37
  these little ice cream sandwiches.
• 16:38
  And it's that fancy brand of ice cream sandwiches that like is is
• 16:42
  nice. It is like a soft cookie nice.
• 16:47
  It's that one that comes like really square, but it's kind of
• 16:50
  like it doesn't. The brand doesn't matter because
• 16:54
  unless they're going to send me, if you know, if you know who you
• 16:58
  are, brand, send me a free package of ice cream sandwiches.
• 17:06
  But where was I going with that? Oh, the fact that they tell you
• 17:10
  on the package when they're giving it to you on JetBlue and
• 17:13
  it says wait 10 minutes before you enjoy this for optimal
• 17:17
  enjoyment. Are you fucking kidding me?
• 17:19
  You want me to wait 10 minutes when I'm on an airplane?
• 17:22
  I have it sitting in front of me.
• 17:23
  I can't just set it on the counter and walk away and forget
• 17:27
  about it. I have to look at it for 10
• 17:28
  minutes and wait. That's despicable.
• 17:32
  I nearly broke a tooth because I refuse to wait.
• 17:35
  I was like, I'm chomping right in.
• 17:37
  Did I have a gummy before that flight?
• 17:38
  Yes. When I tell you, that's the
• 17:42
  first time actually that I've ever had a gummy before getting
• 17:45
  on a flight. We are playing Mario Kart on the
• 17:51
  Nintendo Switch while we were on the flight and it's like you
• 17:56
  feel like you're playing Mario Kart.
• 17:58
  I was like, I've never had more fun during turbulence than
• 18:03
  playing Mario Kart on a Gami on an airplane.
• 18:07
  Highly recommended. And then when literally when
• 18:09
  they were like, we have ice cream sandwiches coming out, I
• 18:14
  was at full mast. I did just look up and in fact,
• 18:19
  on JetBlue, a woman did sue them for suffering injury from
• 18:23
  dangerously cold Ice Cream Sandwich.
• 18:25
  She literally. Fractured her too.
• 18:27
  I'd see JetBlue. OK, well, why are their
• 18:30
  sandwiches still hard as fuck? I don't know.
• 18:32
  Did they settle? Maybe?
• 18:35
  I mean, or, or that's that's probably why the way that they
• 18:37
  get around all those bullshit lawsuits is they just add a
• 18:43
  little disclaimer on it. That's like that's.
• 18:45
  Probably why. I said it, Yeah.
• 18:46
  Wait 10 minutes. Yeah.
• 18:48
  Congratulations, lady. All you got for us was a a line
• 18:51
  of text on on the packaging. And I'm still fucking pissed
• 18:55
  off. No, it's not her fault.
• 18:57
  That's one important thing, actually, that I want to get
• 18:59
  into. It takes a darkly serious turn.
• 19:06
  I do feel like I've gotten much better about complaining about
• 19:11
  other people at the airport and on airplanes.
• 19:14
  Hear me out, OK? Because I used to be someone
• 19:18
  famously who was like, fuck everybody in this airport.
• 19:21
  You all belong in hell. I'm the only person alive.
• 19:24
  I'm like, apparently this is everybody else's first day on
• 19:28
  Earth and like, none of you deserve to live.
• 19:33
  That's how I used to be at the airport.
• 19:35
  And then I was like, I mean, there are like all of these
• 19:39
  debates about like people on airplanes, whether you should
• 19:42
  recline. Is it like disrespectful?
• 19:44
  And it's like, maybe we should be getting mad at the airline
• 19:47
  executives who are cramming seats onto an airplane just so
• 19:50
  they can make 10 more dollars on every flight.
• 19:53
  It's like, that's why like the air, the entire airplane
• 19:57
  experience is miserable. Not.
• 20:00
  Just because of other people, but because like the greedy
• 20:05
  executives are are making it miserable for everybody.
• 20:08
  It's like, no wonder everybody's pissed off.
• 20:12
  Thank you. That's all I want is a sort of
• 20:15
  poetry reading snaps in between every, every point that I make.
• 20:22
  Next, little kids who want to pet my dog get the fuck out of
• 20:29
  my face. I'm not sharing her with you.
• 20:32
  She's not yours to touch just 'cause you see a dog in public.
• 20:35
  If you're a little kid and you see my dog in public, stay the
• 20:38
  fuck back. I've Mace and I'll use it on an
• 20:41
  8 year old if I have to. It's it's gotten nicer outside.
• 20:45
  We're starting to go for longer walks.
• 20:46
  Also, Truffles, executive producer Truffles.
• 20:49
  She's probably hiding under the couch at the moment.
• 20:53
  She is on week 3 of Prozac, so because she's afraid of going
• 21:01
  outside, much like her father and I, so she's on Prozac, We're
• 21:06
  starting to go on longer walks. It's getting nicer outside,
• 21:10
  which means a number of children feel like they can run up on my
• 21:13
  dog and give her Pats. Not on my watch, not on my
• 21:19
  watch. I this this not.
• 21:21
  I don't know what if you've had all of your shots?
• 21:23
  She has. I'm not playing around with you
• 21:26
  giving her the plague because your grubby little sticky little
• 21:30
  fingers are getting all over my dog.
• 21:32
  Made me think of it because I walked past this girl the other
• 21:34
  day and it was like a little girl whining to her mom being
• 21:38
  like, can I pet the dog? Can I pet the dog?
• 21:41
  I'm like first of all bitch look at me.
• 21:45
  You're don't ask your fucking mother.
• 21:46
  Ask the man who owns this dog that you're trying to pet.
• 21:51
  Why is she asking her mom if she can pet my dog?
• 21:54
  She can say yes all she wants. The answer is going to be no
• 21:57
  coming for me. Why?
• 21:58
  Because Truffles is a fucking bitch, that is, that is
• 22:03
  ultimately the thing that I want to complain about is that it
• 22:06
  really is embarrassing when people ask if their dogs can say
• 22:09
  hello to your dog and you have to be like, sorry, my dog's a
• 22:12
  fucking bitch and she'll fucking attack your dog.
• 22:16
  I've had, I had to stop myself from literally saying that
• 22:19
  before because I realized it was a child.
• 22:22
  I was like, all right, I can't say that she's a bitch in front
• 22:25
  of this little child. I'm so I'm not around children
• 22:29
  like hardly ever. And so when I am around a child,
• 22:33
  I forget how to behave. I don't know what I'm allowed
• 22:36
  and not allowed to say around them.
• 22:38
  I'll say whatever. But yeah, it is embarrassing to
• 22:43
  have to be like, no, sorry, you can't say hello to my dog
• 22:45
  because she'll probably bite you.
• 22:47
  Even though she's never been anybody.
• 22:49
  I do have this sort of like this, this sort of instinctual
• 22:53
  evolutionary fear that a dog will just kind of haul off and
• 22:56
  RIP my face apart. I don't know.
• 22:58
  I have I my one dog did bite me once in the on the lip Frankie
• 23:03
  the Wiener dog. That probably is what made me
• 23:06
  gay psychologically. I got bit by Wiener when I was a
• 23:11
  child and that's probably when the gay entered my body.
• 23:17
  Anyway, moving on, speaking about gay dating app
• 23:22
  conversations are at like apocalyptic levels of over.
• 23:27
  We have never been more over in in the dating app department.
• 23:30
  And look, I'm saying this from the trenches of Hinge, Tinder,
• 23:37
  Bumble, Grinder, whatever else is out there.
• 23:41
  I don't even know if there's other dating apps, let me know
• 23:44
  I'll try them. I don't like that.
• 23:47
  I'm basically just going through the same 400 gay people who live
• 23:51
  in New York City are and and are my age on every single app.
• 23:55
  So I get rejected by everybody on every app now instead of just
• 23:58
  one. But I do feel like Hinge is a
• 24:00
  particular sort of minefield. I just like the man that I'm
• 24:06
  engaging with on Hinge should be dragged in front of some type of
• 24:10
  tribunal and charged with war crimes for the kind of horrific
• 24:17
  treatment that I've been receiving.
• 24:19
  Not responding to my tags. No, I've been.
• 24:25
  I've been on Hinge. It's one of the worst places
• 24:27
  imaginable. I wouldn't send my enemies there
• 24:30
  with a knife I don't like and they're already there to begin
• 24:34
  with. So yeah, Hinges, I think it's
• 24:38
  like a great app if you're looking to meet like one of the
• 24:40
  worst people you've ever met in your life.
• 24:42
  If you're if you're looking to kind of get pissed off and to
• 24:46
  feel bad about yourself, try Hinge.
• 24:49
  I think it'll work out great for you.
• 24:50
  If you're looking for a life partner at this point, throw
• 24:54
  yourself in front of a bus. You have a better chance of
• 24:57
  getting a hot ER doctor than you do a finding of the love of your
• 25:00
  life on Hinge. Speaking of which, why is every
• 25:03
  mid 30s man in New York City homosexual category a doctor?
• 25:10
  I don't want to fucking marry a doctor.
• 25:12
  They're busy, they're busy, they're doing.
• 25:15
  They're doing stuff to other people's bodies instead of mine.
• 25:20
  No, I should be. You should have to show me a
• 25:23
  picture if you're, oh, if you're operating on someone else's
• 25:27
  genitals, I should be in the room.
• 25:31
  You're only allowed to do that if I'm also there.
• 25:34
  I don't like that. Yeah, No, I don't like
• 25:40
  especially in New York City, some of the jobs that these gay
• 25:43
  men have. I don't want to say specifically
• 25:47
  gay guys because I think this applies to straight men as well.
• 25:50
  The jobs that these these men have on Hinge, not real, not
• 25:56
  real. There's no type of fact checking
• 25:58
  happening on the bio section of of the dating app profiles on
• 26:02
  Hinge. There's, there cannot be this
• 26:05
  many vice presidents at Deloitte Palantir and fucking what is
• 26:11
  Mackenzie? There cannot be.
• 26:14
  It's the entry level position of a fucking consulting firm vice
• 26:18
  president. It's pissing me off.
• 26:20
  It's like, of course, these are the only people who are left
• 26:23
  'cause I have sort of entered that phase of Hinge where it's
• 26:26
  like, OK, yeah, I'm in my mid 30s now.
• 26:28
  A lot of the people I'm encountering have have been
• 26:32
  through an entire marriage already.
• 26:36
  And and it's sort of like now I'm just kind of getting what's
• 26:39
  left over. And sure.
• 26:43
  Do I also qualify as having been leftover?
• 26:48
  Yeah, but I'm a delight. No, I don't.
• 26:53
  Like, there's too many founders and CEOs.
• 26:56
  There cannot be this many of them.
• 26:59
  I don't. You didn't find shit.
• 27:00
  OK. There's too many senior
• 27:03
  directors of data analysis. What the fuck is fintech?
• 27:07
  I don't know what that is. Stop saying you're vice
• 27:10
  president of fintech. Everybody is doing like the
• 27:16
  second I see anybody is like, oh, the director of AI, I'll
• 27:21
  fucking give a kill as Paul. They are.
• 27:25
  They are truly like they're handing out the title of
• 27:29
  founder, CEO and vice president on hinge like a fucking frat boy
• 27:34
  hands out HPV. I'm like, I don't like it.
• 27:38
  That's not real. That's not a real position.
• 27:41
  HPV is real. Let's be clear about that.
• 27:43
  No, I have been fighting. I recently got back on Hinge
• 27:47
  after a short break. I tried to, like, revitalize my
• 27:50
  Hinge profile. Don't cheer.
• 27:52
  It's not. That's not a cheerful place.
• 27:57
  Would you cheer for someone who is like, you know, drinking
• 28:02
  after having gone to rehab? No, you'd be concerned.
• 28:05
  I don't know that I, I don't like how every dating app these
• 28:08
  days is basically designed to get you to like give them more
• 28:13
  money or else you won't get you won't get quality matches.
• 28:17
  You won't get to talk to people that you actually want to talk
• 28:19
  to. I do hate people who complain.
• 28:24
  And this is going to make me sound like a real chop
• 28:26
  motherfucker, but I I think it is gauche when people complain
• 28:33
  that the the people who like them on Hinge are like hideous.
• 28:38
  The the way that Hinge operates is like you can send anybody.
• 28:42
  It's not swiping per SE. It is you're either liking a
• 28:46
  profile or or not swiping by any other name.
• 28:51
  But you see every person who likes you, you receive like a
• 28:56
  notification that you have been liked on Hinge and like by so
• 29:01
  you can send likes, but you can also like look at the people who
• 29:05
  have liked you and like them back, if that makes sense.
• 29:09
  The thing that pisses me off is like when people complain about
• 29:11
  like, oh, the people who like me on Hinge.
• 29:13
  Like if you want to ruin your day, look at the people who like
• 29:17
  you on Hinge. And it's like, hey, it's not an
• 29:21
  insult to be liked by like by if you think about like, everybody
• 29:26
  likes people who are probably as attractive as them or more
• 29:32
  attractive them than them, right?
• 29:35
  And some people settle, but there's no other way to say it.
• 29:38
  Obviously people who are less attractive than you are going to
• 29:41
  find you attractive, right? That's like, if, if everybody is
• 29:45
  sort of thinking of them And it's like, if you are going
• 29:47
  through and liking all of the people that you're attracted to,
• 29:50
  it's like obviously wedding out those people into the people who
• 29:55
  are liking your profile or people that you have not
• 29:57
  already. Like it just like, shut the fuck
• 30:01
  up. It's such a, like a stupid thing
• 30:03
  to complain about. And it, it sounds like I'm
• 30:05
  saying that 'cause I'm like, oh, people think I'm ugly.
• 30:08
  I don't give a fuck. I'm just like, I'm not going to
• 30:10
  complain about the people who like me on Hinge.
• 30:12
  How is that not even if I'm not like if I don't want to date
• 30:16
  them, I'm still like flattered by the like, it's not like you
• 30:20
  should be like the worst thing that happened to me today was
• 30:23
  that an ugly person liked me on Hinge.
• 30:26
  Get the fuck out of here. You're so you're a piece of
• 30:29
  shit. That's what you think.
• 30:31
  There was one guy on hand recently.
• 30:33
  I was telling everybody about who basically accused me of
• 30:37
  being a big fat whore 'cause I 'cause I had one photo.
• 30:41
  He, we were talking it and he was, I was saying how like,
• 30:45
  yeah, I'm, I would consider myself like a romantic.
• 30:48
  Like I, you know, I like the effort and the, I'm not just
• 30:54
  like, hey, do you want to come over and bend me over?
• 30:58
  That's for a different app. But on Hinge, I'm like, yeah,
• 31:02
  I'm here for like, dates and like, I, I enjoy romance and
• 31:08
  effort. And he was like, well, you have
• 31:11
  a lot of underwear photos on your profile for someone who it
• 31:14
  claims to be romantic. OK, so I'm, I'm literally a
• 31:19
  dirty, filthy Mary Magdalene in your eyes.
• 31:22
  I'm basically the biggest slot that you've ever seen.
• 31:24
  I guess 'cause I have one photo where I'm wearing a sweatshirt
• 31:29
  and a boxer briefs. You can't even see thigh crease.
• 31:34
  You are seeing more of my thighs right now than you do in the
• 31:37
  photo that he is referring to. And also like, yeah, it's a
• 31:43
  dating app where I'm trying to attract gay people, so don't,
• 31:49
  let's not act like a little thigh doesn't go a long way
• 31:53
  amongst the homosexuals of New York City.
• 31:57
  Whatever. Fuck that, man.
• 32:01
  It was one of the first times in my life where I consciously was
• 32:05
  like, is he like, actively trying to neg me?
• 32:08
  Is this like a ploy or a strategy?
• 32:11
  It was so strange. I'm ashamed to say that I still
• 32:15
  was like trying to go on a date with this person and then he
• 32:18
  basically kind of ghosted me. And then like 2 I, I was like, I
• 32:22
  basically I, my last message was like, when, when do you want to
• 32:26
  get a drink? And then he ghosted me for like
• 32:29
  2 weeks, which like at that point it's like, I know you're
• 32:33
  not interested. And then he came back and was
• 32:35
  like, thanks for the offer. I'm not interested.
• 32:39
  Like, why would you even say that at that point?
• 32:42
  Just like I got it. I'm not like I'm not trying to.
• 32:47
  I am not in the business. And this is something that I say
• 32:50
  to myself often. It's like I'm not in the
• 32:54
  business of like trying to chase someone who's not interested.
• 32:58
  Like if you're not interested, you're not interested.
• 33:00
  I'm not going to like chase after you.
• 33:03
  I have. That's not what I'm looking for.
• 33:07
  So yeah, it was just like, what an odd choice to come back that
• 33:16
  later and say no thanks dude. The the exact thing that he said
• 33:21
  was thanks for the offer. I don't I'm not feeling a
• 33:25
  romantic connection. It's like we literally haven't
• 33:29
  met. Are you a fucking robot?
• 33:33
  It's possible. I have chatted with people
• 33:36
  before where I'm like, I'm almost positive you figured out
• 33:39
  how to like plug AI into your responses.
• 33:42
  And you're having like people do that where it's like, they'll
• 33:46
  have, they'll like program it so that they, they'll program it so
• 33:52
  that AI will sort of like handle the first several exchanges of a
• 33:58
  conversation, which is, it's literally crazy.
• 34:01
  You are a fucking psychopath if you're using AI on a dating app,
• 34:07
  Which is why I do think we're moving to a point where it's
• 34:10
  like AI is reaching a point where it is becoming so
• 34:13
  integrated and ubiquitous. And let me be clear, I am
• 34:16
  prepared to be a lad. I, I am the one.
• 34:19
  I'll hold out. Now, I'm not saying I'm better
• 34:21
  than you, but I am better than you.
• 34:24
  I I'm not fucking with AI in any shape or form.
• 34:27
  It does be like one of the like hopeful upsides of how
• 34:31
  ubiquitous AI is becoming is that like you're, we're no
• 34:34
  longer going to be able to trust the like digital world.
• 34:38
  And so you have to rely more on the real world in order to just
• 34:42
  like have truthful interactions. So it sucks that I'm going to
• 34:49
  have to like meet someone in real life.
• 34:53
  I hate that it is true. It's like I just don't think
• 34:57
  people are meeting on dating apps anymore, especially not at
• 35:00
  my grown age. Didn't you meet your?
• 35:02
  Husband Don, I sure did. Yeah, and it fucking sucks that
• 35:05
  everybody I know met their loved one, their like significant
• 35:10
  other on fucking Hinge except for Barry, who has been with her
• 35:15
  husband since fucking college. Well, the other problem that I
• 35:19
  have is that I do feel like this is this is something interesting
• 35:25
  that I alone have to deal with and nobody can relate to.
• 35:28
  And that is because I am so famous on the Internet.
• 35:33
  I don't I don't like how, because everything now it like
• 35:37
  has your contact list. If I if I like, give my number
• 35:42
  to someone and then they open up TikTok in an hour.
• 35:45
  It's like, Hey, you do you know this faggot?
• 35:48
  Look at him and he's he's being he's being a fool on the
• 35:52
  Internet. You don't know me that now
• 35:55
  they're seeing a side of me that I wouldn't reveal until at least
• 35:58
  the third date. The the dumb ass Stoner.
• 36:04
  But I don't, yeah, I feel like TikTok, I feel like these apps
• 36:07
  are like snitching on me. And it's like, let them get to
• 36:10
  know me before you're showing them the filth that I do on the
• 36:12
  Internet are. Gay men.
• 36:15
  Not Google. It's upsetting if people truly
• 36:18
  knew the like like MI 6 FBI style slew thing that I do on
• 36:25
  every person that I match with. And it's I guess it's naive of
• 36:28
  me to assume that nobody is doing that for me.
• 36:31
  I don't know. It's just a weird, I guess I
• 36:33
  should just assume that people are slew thing as hard as I am
• 36:38
  because I'm like, guess what? We're about to go on a first
• 36:41
  date. I have read your third grade
• 36:43
  book report. I, I, I've seen every photo of
• 36:47
  you I've ever posted on Myspace. I know, I know all of your aunts
• 36:51
  and uncles names and I'm going to pretend like I don't, but
• 36:56
  that's it. The flip side of that is that I
• 36:58
  regularly hurt my own feelings because I'll go sleuthing.
• 37:01
  And then there was one time this is this is just a self
• 37:06
  self-inflicted wound. There was one guy that I was
• 37:10
  going to that I like matched with on Tinder and we were like
• 37:14
  setting up a date and I found his Twitter and it was in his
• 37:17
  Twitter likes. This when likes were still
• 37:19
  public. This is just, I'm just going to
• 37:21
  sound like a, like a crazy person in his Twitter likes.
• 37:25
  He had liked a reductus article and the headline was like uh oh,
• 37:32
  person you were talking to just for fun on Tinder wants to go
• 37:35
  out on a date. But the crazy thing was we it
• 37:39
  like got to a point where we ended up exchanging like Twitter
• 37:43
  'cause we were like joking about Twitter and he unliked that
• 37:47
  tweet before he told me what his Twitter was.
• 37:50
  Which meant it was like clearly about me then or.
• 37:55
  He didn't want you to think it was about.
• 37:57
  You. No, he was about me, otherwise
• 37:59
  he would have been. We would have gone more than one
• 38:02
  day or he was disgusted by me in person.
• 38:06
  Anyway, I think we've talked about engine off moving on.
• 38:10
  What the heck is going on with the moon?
• 38:18
  Listen, I've been kind of sleepy this week.
• 38:20
  And then I, I saw someone say, OK, I saw someone say that they
• 38:25
  asked their barista that their barista said that they were
• 38:29
  feeling sleepy because it's, it was a full moon and that means
• 38:33
  your body is heavier is way down.
• 38:35
  And I was like, listen, listen, I don't want to make enemies
• 38:39
  with the astrology community. I seek nothing but peace with
• 38:43
  the astrology girlies. I think that there's like too
• 38:46
  much of an overlap between the astrology girlies and the like,
• 38:50
  People who are or are paying Etsy witches to cast taxes.
• 38:54
  So I don't want to fuck with them.
• 38:56
  I I approach your community with nothing but open love and arms.
• 39:01
  That being said, I think we're putting too much faith in the
• 39:05
  moon. I think some people are kind of
• 39:08
  being too, too in love with the moon and what it's doing to
• 39:12
  them, 'cause I was like, there, there is something about the
• 39:17
  moon that I the moon in particular, because it's the one
• 39:21
  that I can see. I'm like, I, I can kind of fuck
• 39:25
  with you in a way that I can't fuck with the other planets.
• 39:27
  Well, the, the moon is not planning.
• 39:29
  It's a star, darling. The moon is a moon.
• 39:33
  One of my favorite videos ever on the Internet.
• 39:36
  We, what is the, we don't know what the moon is.
• 39:38
  Nobody knows what the moon is chunky, chunky.
• 39:43
  If you can hear me, look up the moon, but it's like it's like
• 39:46
  the moon is the one I can see. I don't I can't.
• 39:48
  I don't see the planet, so I don't know about them and don't
• 39:51
  don't say, Oh no, you sometimes you can see fucking Jupiter.
• 39:54
  I don't get I don't know you can't you?
• 39:56
  Not unless you have like bionic eyes and a fucking telescope,
• 40:00
  which I don't have. But the moon is the one that I'm
• 40:04
  like, yeah, sure. I can like sort of understand
• 40:06
  how like literally the entire ocean is controlled by the moon.
• 40:12
  That that like, OK, maybe your body, which is made-up of how
• 40:17
  much percent of water, like 105% water, I can see how it's like,
• 40:22
  yeah, your body might be affected by the moon.
• 40:25
  Here's my question, are the tides affected by how full the
• 40:31
  moon is? My my theory is no, because the
• 40:36
  phases of the moon have nothing to do with how how big the moon
• 40:42
  actually is or how close the moon is to Earth.
• 40:45
  It's just based on how much light the sun is casting on the
• 40:49
  moon. I can't think about the moon too
• 40:52
  much. I can't think about it.
• 40:53
  It was one of the biggest fights that Barry and I got into one
• 40:55
  time really angry 'cause I was like, I don't understand how.
• 41:00
  Basically what I was trying to say was, I don't understand how
• 41:03
  it there's not a full eclipse every single day.
• 41:06
  And I kind of forgot that like the moon, the sun and Earth
• 41:09
  aren't just in a straight line all the time.
• 41:13
  I kind of forgot 'cause I was like, OK, the moon is going
• 41:15
  around Earth and the sun is over there and it's like, how come
• 41:19
  the moon is not casting a shadow on the Earth literally every
• 41:23
  day, right? So you're, so you can see where
• 41:27
  I'm going. I did not explain it like that
• 41:29
  when we were having this argument.
• 41:31
  And so it was, she had no idea what I was saying.
• 41:33
  I had no idea what she was saying.
• 41:34
  Then I was like, right, It's not always in a straight line.
• 41:37
  The moon, moon, sun could be here.
• 41:40
  Moon could be here in a straight line, but then moon could be
• 41:43
  down here. I didn't say that right, but you
• 41:45
  got it. NASA says that the moon does the
• 41:49
  the cycle does change the tops. Fuck me in my butt hole.
• 41:55
  OK, so apparently NASA says that the the fullness of the moon
• 41:59
  does in fact affect the tides, which means theoretically it
• 42:02
  could in fact affect how sleepy I am and definitely not my
• 42:05
  untreated sleep apnea. So I'm glad that we kind of
• 42:08
  talked that out. The only way that I can explain
• 42:13
  it without having the facts is that I'm guessing that the
• 42:17
  phases of the moon are just related to the the movement of
• 42:25
  the moon. Let me move on.
• 42:28
  I don't give a shit anymore. I don't give a shit.
• 42:31
  It makes sense to me and that's all that matters.
• 42:35
  Moving on. They're treating the search for
• 42:38
  the next James Bond like they're they're fucking searching for
• 42:40
  the Dalai Lama. What are we doing with with
• 42:44
  James Bond? I don't understand why we've
• 42:47
  been hearing about the next James Bond for like half of my
• 42:50
  lifetime. It was like I I can truly like
• 42:54
  plot my life in terms of James Bond.
• 42:57
  When I was a kid Pierce Brosnan and James Bond used to play his
• 43:01
  square looking face in the James Bond shooting game.
• 43:04
  Golden golden finger. No golden finger was the Austin
• 43:07
  Powers 1 golden eye Goldfinger. Goldfinger was Austin Powers,
• 43:15
  golden eye was James Bond for real.
• 43:19
  I used to play just look it up. I used to play the the James
• 43:25
  Bond Nintendo 64 game. But yeah, as as Pierce Brosnan
• 43:30
  from Misses Doubtfire. Quick Fact Check, Goldfinger is
• 43:33
  the actual James Bond. And who is Gold member?
• 43:38
  Gold member is James is Austin Powers.
• 43:40
  What is Goldeneye? Goldeneye is also a James Bond.
• 43:45
  See, I'm never, nobody ever believes me.
• 43:48
  I'm the one of the most persecuted people ever, ever to
• 43:52
  live. They're they're coming for me.
• 43:57
  They're coming. They're coming for my culture.
• 43:59
  Did you see that video of Donald Trump at the he's sitting in
• 44:05
  behind in the Oval Office and there's a guy standing next to
• 44:09
  him has one of the biggest belly buttons.
• 44:16
  And the whole video it's like, Oh my God, like is something
• 44:20
  wrong with it? It's like there's there's an
• 44:24
  innie, there's an Audi and then there's whatever the fuck that
• 44:26
  guy had. You know, I don't even know the
• 44:30
  context of the meeting. It might have been like people
• 44:33
  with like, like belly button cancer meeting and I'm just
• 44:36
  making fun of him. But it is one of the funniest
• 44:40
  videos I've ever seen. We need to play a clip from it.
• 44:43
  But anyway, back to James Bond. They are talking about the new
• 44:46
  James Bond. We've been hearing about it our
• 44:47
  entire lives, my entire life because it was Pierce Brosnan.
• 44:51
  Then when I had puberty, this was huge for me.
• 44:53
  Daniel Craig, James Bond, of course, who was kind of one of
• 44:59
  the hottest James Bonds at the time.
• 45:02
  Now they're in the search for the next James Bond.
• 45:04
  We've been hearing about it for, I don't know, 25 years and
• 45:09
  literally for as long as some of the people in contention have
• 45:12
  been alive. But yeah, it's, I guess they
• 45:18
  they've started officially auditioning for it in the last
• 45:21
  like, month, which is why we're getting more official news about
• 45:26
  it was kind of like, you know, just rumors for a long time who
• 45:29
  it was like Idris Elba. I think he's kind of aged out of
• 45:32
  it now. It's been going on for so long.
• 45:34
  But it was Idris Elba for a while.
• 45:36
  People were talking about now apparently the leading
• 45:39
  contenders, Callum Turner, otherwise known as Dua Lipa's
• 45:46
  side piece, not side main piece. I do like him.
• 45:51
  I don't really know much about him other than his He's Dua
• 45:54
  Lipa's suck buddy. What's another way to put it?
• 45:57
  There's like a lot of he's Dua Lipa's lovely boyfriend slash
• 46:04
  husband slash fiance. I don't know what their deal is.
• 46:07
  One of the hottest couples alive and it's actually like pissing
• 46:10
  me off. I do think Dulipa has the life
• 46:15
  of a person who, like you can't, you can't help but to be jealous
• 46:19
  of it just seems like she has the perfect life.
• 46:22
  Literally always on vacation, hottest boyfriend ever and is
• 46:26
  just like posting books on the beach all the time.
• 46:29
  Love that for her. But yeah, Jacob Alordi, OK,
• 46:35
  Jacob Blarty is like so fuckable that you're like, how could you
• 46:38
  blend in as James Bond? Oh, that that's James Bond's
• 46:42
  whole thing, isn't it? It's like his whole thing is
• 46:43
  kind of like, yeah, people start creaming themselves every time
• 46:47
  they see me. Anyway, next, why the heck are
• 46:54
  we bringing back Froyo? People are waiting in line for
• 46:58
  froyo like it's 2013 and I when you've lived through something
• 47:04
  and then you see it coming back, it can be so scary because you
• 47:10
  thought this, this is probably what they felt like when World
• 47:13
  War 2 started. They were like, oh fuck, now we
• 47:15
  got to start numbering them This exactly like that.
• 47:19
  Now Froyo 2 is back just like World World War 2 and fucking 16
• 47:25
  handles the Hitler froyo is is invading Poland.
• 47:33
  I thought we ended that. I thought we were past that.
• 47:35
  I thought everybody nutted up and and got a big fat bowl of
• 47:38
  ice cream. Like froyo was part of like
• 47:42
  eating disorder culture through 2012.
• 47:44
  So it was like people managed to eat froyo because they were
• 47:47
  convincing themselves it was healthier.
• 47:49
  It's not by the way. It's the same thing but with
• 47:52
  bacteria in it. I do think it has a lot to do
• 47:56
  with the fact that froyo, a bowl of froyo is just more photogenic
• 48:01
  than a bowl of ice cream because people aren't getting bowls of
• 48:04
  ice cream. You're getting cones of ice
• 48:05
  cream. Usually we have to go get ice
• 48:08
  cream. People are getting bowls of
• 48:11
  froyo that you can Add all these toppings to and it's got that
• 48:14
  beautiful dollop on the top and it's like, yeah, let's take a
• 48:17
  picture of this. And that's kind of back in a big
• 48:18
  way. It's just, but also it's like,
• 48:21
  we've done that already. It's froyo is not cyclical.
• 48:24
  We need to kill it. We need to kill it and have it
• 48:28
  be dead. I don't like it.
• 48:33
  You know what makes me the most sad that I've ever been about
• 48:36
  anything ever is that I left that tiramisu semi Fredo that I
• 48:41
  bought in the in the mini fridge at the hotel in Italy that.
• 48:45
  Was really sad. We went to a Gelato place in
• 48:51
  Italy. I got a Gelato in a cone.
• 48:55
  First of all, they were speaking Italian in Italy in a way that I
• 49:00
  was unprepared for, which is to say Italian and not English
• 49:05
  'cause I, I was sort of like, yeah, everybody in Europe sort
• 49:08
  of knows English, at least conversationally, like, I'll be
• 49:11
  fine. I I don't need to learn too
• 49:13
  much. Yeah.
• 49:16
  And Varese, where we were, they were speaking some hardcore
• 49:19
  Italian. And not only that, I tried to
• 49:21
  speak English. They looked at me like they were
• 49:23
  about to stab me in the face, deservedly so.
• 49:27
  It is such a, it is such like a reality check.
• 49:30
  Not that I thought otherwise. Let me be clear.
• 49:32
  I always knew, you know, it is. It is difficult to be a
• 49:37
  foreigner in another country. But it's like you really learn
• 49:41
  when you are in the minority. This is this is too baldly me
• 49:46
  being like, wow, I understand minorities now, but it is like I
• 49:54
  like it truly is hard to fathom until you experience it.
• 49:57
  But it's like you do just feel like a fucking idiot when you
• 50:00
  can't speak the language and it's like people are looking at
• 50:03
  you like you're dumb and you're like, no, I've I'm smart.
• 50:06
  I just don't know what the word for electric converter is.
• 50:13
  I went and I did a full like sign language, so like
• 50:18
  pictogram. What is that game?
• 50:21
  Charades. I did a full game of charades
• 50:24
  with the woman at a shop because I forgot my converter that I
• 50:28
  that I had. So I had to buy a converter and
• 50:32
  I would have thought surely one of the few words that should
• 50:35
  cross languages is converter. I was very wrong.
• 50:43
  We went through almost every charger that she had in stock
• 50:47
  before we landed on converter. Anyway, I was at the Gelato
• 50:51
  shop. They they, we were trying to
• 50:53
  communicate in Italian, but limited kindergarten Italian
• 50:57
  that I had. And finally the person who spoke
• 50:59
  English just came out and was like, what do you want?
• 51:03
  We got Gelato, but then I got a tiramisu in a little cup.
• 51:08
  I didn't realize it was like tiramisu semifredo, which I
• 51:10
  semifredo. I think it's basically just like
• 51:13
  ice cream. It's just like it literally
• 51:16
  stands for semi frozen. It's just like an it's like a
• 51:19
  frozen treat. They were the most concern
• 51:21
  that's I've ever seen that I was about to either eat that right
• 51:26
  away or refrigerate it in the next 30 minutes because we got
• 51:30
  cones of Gelato and then also this.
• 51:32
  And they were like, wait a minute, you're, you're taking
• 51:36
  this to go this frozen item. Are you going to have access to
• 51:39
  a refrigerator? They were concerned if they like
• 51:43
  they convened about it behind the counter to be like, what do
• 51:47
  we tell? How do we communicate that they
• 51:48
  they have to eat this right away.
• 51:50
  And I was like, don't you worry, I'm going to eat it.
• 51:55
  Listener. I put that thing in the hotel
• 51:58
  refrigerator every night. I got back to the room, I
• 52:01
  thought about it, and I did not eat it.
• 52:05
  And then I was at the airport coming home, and I realized,
• 52:08
  like fighting the mom from home alone, that I'd left my
• 52:13
  beautiful son in the hotel fridge.
• 52:18
  And I think about him every day. I I wonder who ate him.
• 52:21
  I wonder if he found a loving family.
• 52:24
  I wonder if they threw him away like a piece of disgusting
• 52:27
  trash. Probably.
• 52:29
  It makes me sick to my stomach what they did to him.
• 52:33
  This. I don't know if I want to say on
• 52:34
  camera that I found out the guy who tried to shoot Donald Trump
• 52:44
  at the White House Correspondents Dinner
• 52:45
  apparently, quote tweeted me. So yeah, I have a Google alert
• 52:52
  set for my name. I have a Google alert except for
• 52:57
  my name. I got a Google alert for like a
• 52:59
  Daily Mirror article or Daily Mail Daily Mail article that was
• 53:05
  like Twitter account of, of White House correspondents
• 53:10
  dinner shooter uncovered. And it listed like all, I guess
• 53:16
  all this account was doing was like retweeting, like quote
• 53:20
  tweeting tweets. But it was like tweets from AOC
• 53:25
  from like Bernie Sanders. And then one of them was mine.
• 53:28
  It was like 4 or five tweets that were referenced.
• 53:32
  One of them was mine. And it was a tweet that I wrote,
• 53:36
  like, the day before the 2024 election was like, so, so fun
• 53:41
  that in 24 hours, we're either going to have the first woman
• 53:44
  president or like, literally the end of America.
• 53:52
  Guess what we got? Did I ever know when I wrote
• 53:56
  that tweet that it would appear on the Twitter page of someone
• 53:58
  who would go on to kind of like attempts political violence?
• 54:06
  No, but it that's sort of the rich tapestry of digital modern
• 54:09
  life. And I think that that's kind of
• 54:10
  beautiful. To be clear, I'm not condoning
• 54:14
  political violence, but whoops. What else do you know?
• 54:23
  They're trying to make another ice bucket challenge happen.
• 54:29
  And I'm like, dangerously close to participating.
• 54:32
  They are trying to do, I think it's for the American Women's
• 54:36
  Heart Association. And they're having men smash
• 54:42
  watermelons with their thighs for the American Heart
• 54:46
  Association. And I'm like, fuck, that is a
• 54:51
  challenge kind of specifically aimed at me.
• 54:55
  And like, let's be clear, if the trend continues, I'll partake.
• 55:01
  Once our Patreon is up and running.
• 55:03
  It's going to be nothing but me squeezing watermelons every.
• 55:08
  There's going to be a Patreon tier that's just me squeezing
• 55:10
  various fruits with my thighs. It's just going to be only fans,
• 55:17
  sort of light. But yeah, no, I I'm like, I
• 55:22
  can't tell, 'cause sometimes you see a trend and it's like, is
• 55:27
  this actually trend? Is this just three people?
• 55:30
  The amount that people will claim that something is like a
• 55:33
  trend or is viral. Now they're slapping that label
• 55:37
  on everything. And finally we got my what the
• 55:41
  hey of the week, 'cause every week I'm going to end the
• 55:44
  episode on the thing that is my opposite of what the heck, the
• 55:48
  thing that's making me happy that my my what the hey, if you
• 55:52
  will. And this week there was one
• 55:57
  story that I, I saw a bunch of on the Internet that was, was
• 56:02
  making me happy. Well, first was pissing me off.
• 56:05
  And that's how all good things come about is that they start by
• 56:08
  pissing you off and then the longer you stick around, you're
• 56:10
  like, wait a minute, something good has happening here.
• 56:14
  And it was, this is going to get Earnest for a second.
• 56:17
  Sorry. There was this school district
• 56:22
  in Wisconsin. Do you know where this is going?
• 56:25
  There's a school district in Wisconsin that was planning like
• 56:30
  an end of the year orchestra, performance or band.
• 56:34
  So we're not calling it. I was in high school orchestra.
• 56:38
  No, you weren't. You were in band, But yeah, it
• 56:42
  was like the that this high school band in this school in
• 56:46
  Wisconsin was planning their like, end of the year like
• 56:51
  showcase or whatever. And one of the songs that they
• 56:54
  were preparing was a song composed by like a queer
• 56:59
  composer for Marsha P Johnson. It's it's called like mother of
• 57:04
  a revolution or something in that Marsha P Johnson for the
• 57:07
  unawares, like one of the faces, if not the face of like
• 57:12
  Stonewall and the the onset of like the gay rights movement and
• 57:16
  the LGBT movement and then especially trans rights.
• 57:19
  So anyway, it's an orchestra piece, an instrumental orchestra
• 57:25
  that they had been preparing the entire year.
• 57:29
  And the school board at this fuck ass Wisconsin town was
• 57:33
  like, we don't do this indoctrination shit and you're
• 57:38
  not allowed to perform this song.
• 57:41
  And it's like, are you kidding? It's not only is there no
• 57:44
  lyrics, it is just music, but it's just like it, it was
• 57:51
  composed about someone. So not that that excuses it.
• 57:56
  Like even if even if there were words, I think it's a ridiculous
• 58:00
  like fascist thing to be like, you can't, we can't have our
• 58:04
  children acknowledging trans people that existed in like the
• 58:08
  1960s. But there were these clips that
• 58:11
  like some of the local news outlets in in this town were
• 58:15
  covering it and covering the school board meeting.
• 58:18
  And it was like just of course, these like 85 year old Cretans
• 58:24
  on the school board who are making decisions about like what
• 58:27
  the children in these schools can do and not do.
• 58:30
  And they ended up like banning the the kids were like not
• 58:34
  allowed to perform the song. The funniest part was the news
• 58:40
  was like interviewing some of the students.
• 58:42
  And it was like, the good thing was that so many of the students
• 58:46
  were like rallying behind the band.
• 58:49
  And that's hard to do. It's hard to get people on board
• 58:52
  with their high school band children.
• 58:55
  They even, they interviewed one of the like, football, the one
• 58:59
  of the people on the football team.
• 59:02
  And he like clearly has never talked about the band before.
• 59:05
  And he was like, we're just here to support the band team, want
• 59:10
  to do everything we can to support the band team.
• 59:12
  Like as clearly just never has no conception of what band
• 59:15
  actually is. But yeah, anyway, so this like,
• 59:18
  disgusting school board ended up banning this thing.
• 59:21
  But then, like, the community kind of like rallied behind them
• 59:25
  and they're holding like a concert for them to perform it
• 59:28
  at. Like for the community.
• 59:30
  The composer of the song is flying in to Wisconsin to
• 59:33
  perform it. I know.
• 59:34
  I was like, it was one of the videos that came up on the
• 59:37
  treadmill, and I was like, I'm going to start literally crying
• 59:39
  on the treadmill in between Glee compilations.
• 59:43
  But I was like, yeah, it's one of those things that, like, had
• 59:46
  it never happened, it wouldn't have gotten the, like, attention
• 59:51
  that it's gotten and brought people to it, which I think is
• 59:53
  sort of ironically beautiful. But also like, fuck that school
• 59:57
  board. Good for that band.
• 1:00:00
  Good for that football kid who who is supporting the band team.
• 1:00:03
  And yeah, we could play a little clip of the band performance.
• 1:00:28
  Good for them. And that's it.
• 1:00:32
  Thank you for listening. I'll see you next week.
• 1:00:35
  Bye. This has been an episode of What
• 1:00:39
  the Heck with Matt Bellicide. You can call and leave us a
• 1:00:42
  voicemail about what's making you say what the heck this week
• 1:00:45
  and you might be featured on a future episode.
• 1:00:47
  Call us at 407-984-6288. That's four O 7 WTH Matt.
• 1:00:52
  What the Heck with Matt? Bellicide is produced by Same
• 1:00:55
  boat Studios and Bellicide Productions.
• 1:00:57
  It's hosted by me, Matt Bellicide.
• 1:00:59
  Our executive producers are Gabrielle Lewis, Barry Finkel
• 1:01:02
  and me, Matt Bellicide. Erica Glass is our senior
• 1:01:04
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• 1:01:06
  Bellicide and Erica Glass Action designed by Erica Glass, Matt
• 1:01:09
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• 1:01:14
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