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Transcript

Best Friend Breakups · Useless Banter

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, my name is Luis.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Brett.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to USBanter.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: A podcast where two best friends won't shut the fuck up.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: Basically, a podcast where we talk about a bunch of useless shit that doesn't really matter, but it's highly entertaining.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Heavy on the highly entertaining.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: So raise your glass, lower your expectations, and let's get useless.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: We ate that one.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, we munched on it.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: We munched on it, BB.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: We munched on it, BB.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, anyways.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so Well should we cheers?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: Cheers.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Cheers and about.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: And about.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, should we keep drinking after this?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we should just finish all of it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, girly.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So today's episode.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: Most people know.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: I was gonna say, most people know that we are friends.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say, I'm like, most people know what?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: That we're friends.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Most people know that we're best friends.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Try me, bitch.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what if I told you that you're not my best friend?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I would literally ruin everything you've ever worked for.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: No shade.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_03: No shade.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, work.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um, no, I'm scared.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: So now you guys know that I'm being held against my will.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_03: Um, no, no.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, no, but you know, seriously, love you so much, Illi Millie, switches about.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: So today's episode is about friendship.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: Also, if you're uh wearing AirPods right now, I apologize for that.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, so yeah, we're basically like, we've been just chatting.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: Uh honestly, as our friendship gets closer and closer, and it's like what three years in.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: So, like, we were just like, you know, certain scenarios have come up and whatever makes us think.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: So it's interesting, also, just different dynamics with different friends that we have in our lives, and we just kind of want to dive in.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and it's like, it's cool that you like have other friends, but also like my least favorite thing that you ever do with any of us is literally you're like, so what time are your friends coming over?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, girl, our friends, like, what the fuck are you talking about?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, and you're like I'm like, I'm like, you know, there's other people that you invited.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm like, first of all, half the time you invite them.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it literally is me.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what if like what time are your friends going?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: What time are your friends coming?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh my god, I can't.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, so when it comes to friendships, I think there's honestly sometimes gray areas, and it really depends on the friendship that is established.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: So like one thing for me is like, do you think that your friend, let's say your best friend should always be on your side?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Should your best friend always be on your side?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, explain.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Should your friend always be on your side?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Should your best friend always be on your side publicly?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, that's what I was waiting for, bitch.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I was waiting for.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care how wrong I am.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: If we're out in that moment, you stand right next to me, you ride for me, you have my back, whatever.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then in private, I tell you, you can read me down.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: That was unacceptable.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that again.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: This, you can we can unpack a million times how wrong I was, how that was not fair of me or selfish of me, or whatever.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I actually want you to be as honest as you possibly can with me if you really care about me and really care about me growing as an individual.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: But in that moment publicly, you better have my back and not make me look crazy because I think that is the difference between a friend and a best friend.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think when you're just a friend and someone's acting out of pocket or whatever is happening, you're like, girl, you're like, girl, I'm not doing all that, right?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: But when it is your best friend, you better have their back and just stand next to them and just hold your tongue, whatever, stand up for them if you need to.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: I was gonna say, like, for me, a lot of times, like, you know, like in those situations, it's like, even if you're not being like, yeah, she's right, like just uh de-escalate the situation or be like, hey, like again, don't make me look crazy, but like also let's just like, hey, maybe we need to just hey, calm down or tell the other person, like, back up.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know what I mean, like whatever it is.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, I I agree.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: I definitely think that we can have those conversations in private and we can be like, like, you should be able to tell your friend that they were wrong.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, but it is very situational if you're in that scenario and some shit's going down, like I'm not just gonna let you get thrown out by the wolves, like with the wolves, you know what I mean?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, and like I don't really know how to fight like that, but I will.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, I don't either, but but I'll give it my best.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: But I'll give it my best.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, the thing is, I don't think either of us will ever get in a fight like that, like physical education.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, no.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I do run my mouth.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: I will.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: But which, you know, it could also get us into trouble.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I do, yeah.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I do love to run my little mouth or whatever.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: You really do more than I do, I don't believe you run in my mouth like that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're very much like, let's go.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, no, I got something to say.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, they ain't worth it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: Not worth it.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, well, yeah, period.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad we agree on that.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was actually interested to know what you were gonna say on that.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's funny, I was waiting for the public comment.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel about uh dating friends' exes?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's an absolute no friend.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a no, right?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, hard no.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like that doesn't even have to be like even if it's like I don't know.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I feel like it's still kind of weird, even if it's been like years, and even if your friend was like, oh yeah, I'm over them, like whatever.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: I just don't want anybody's like hand me down.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, I just don't think I think that that's 100% going to distance that relationship.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: 100% you'll go from friends to acquaintances really quick.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's just hard to do.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or like to DL like enemies.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right, right.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_03: I also just there's no desire for me to like for me, I am I I've said this before, but like I would so much as rather skip a date on a Saturday night and be with my friends than I would, you know what I mean?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like why would I go to the lengths of then like putting the friendship on the line for some boy?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's a no.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's a no.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, wait, actually, this is something that's very interesting because I've kind of come into this before and I've always struggled with it.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're lucky.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_04: You have to, I have to, okay, go.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um God, you just took my train of thought.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You have a friend that maybe struggles in the hygiene department.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do you tell them?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: How do you tell them?
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: What do you say?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: When is a good time to do it?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: I think I would definitely grab a megaphone screen on the top of it.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm posting it on their wall on Facebook.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm posting an Instagram story and tagging him and then or them and then sending it to them directly.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: I okay.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: I I do think obviously, again, this goes to the level of friendship you have.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_03: If I'm around that person constantly and they are a close friend of mine, honestly, I guess it it doesn't have to be like best best friend, but like you do want that close like rapport with that person to be able to talk to them about those things.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: But also, like, yeah, I would tell them.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'd be like, I think if it got to the point because also I don't ever want someone else to be the one to tell them, like, that's even worse.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you're in a situation and then like a boy that they like or something, like that's is like the worst case scenario, right?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'd much rather my best friend tell me, like, hey, you smell versus a boy, like, make a comment about it, and then I like can't exist.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_03: And like, you can do it in secret on the side one-on-one.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I also think that there's like bless you, bless you, bless you, bless you, bless you.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I always sneeze like five.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Fun fun fact about Luis is he can never sneeze just once in a row.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, that one was three.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: That was only three.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, usually it's like seven.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know, honestly.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um okay.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, worst case scenario is like a boy telling you, right?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I also think that there's a certain way that you can tell someone, like, I feel like the first time you can you like, you know, you can joke about it a little bit or like whatever, and if they aren't getting catching that hint, then it's like, okay, we need to like sit down and have a real conversation.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know what I mean?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or like, I mean, there's like plenty of times where like I'll be like, I oh, like, I have gum.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Does anybody want gum?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like one of those numbers, especially if it's like I see I I've done this at the club before where I see one of my friends like talking to a boy, and I'm like, oh girl, maybe something was a little off in the in the you know, breath department or whatever, and then I'm like, hey girl, take this.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: I will always say you are always strapped with the gum, ready to go, always out and about.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I cannot be out without gum because I have so much, like I smells are like I'm very sensitive to smells.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, like my apartment, I always have 75 million candles lit.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you're the reason why I have 75 million candles lit.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just you know, like breath, like hygiene smells, like whatever.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I just my nose is very sensitive.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so I am always like I want to make sure that I'm always showing up as you know, like I it would really kill me to know that someone was like, Oh my god, Brad's breath smells so bad.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like that would send me so hard.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, I always am just like try to be over prepared and then you know, not in like a rude way or anything, but I'll just be like, Yeah, you know.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: I will say I'm always a mint girl, like I have mints in my car.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: You do always have mints in my gut, you know what I mean?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: Just because for me, it's like, I mean, I love gum, obviously, or like whatever, I don't care.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_03: But it's like I love, I think because I'm usually like go, go, go from like class to class or whatever.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_03: But because of that, because I'm in front of people so much, I literally on my way to anything really, especially if I like just ate, let's say, and I'm like getting ready to go to the next class in the car on the way there, I'll pop a mint in and I'll be like, okay, ready to go.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as fitness instructors, too, it's like people always want to stay and be like in your face and chatting with you after.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: I have body spray in my bag at all times because I'm like in between classes, I'm gonna spray, I'm gonna you know what I mean?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: A hundred percent, a hundred percent.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: So totally.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, are you like if your friend doesn't like your Instagram posts, okay?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: How do you take that?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um okay, if it's like one post, I don't really care.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not really looking for necessarily my friends like to view my or to um so you don't give a shit about your friends.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not really looking for my friends to like like their likes specifically.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um but I do think it's weird if your friends aren't interacting with you on social media.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like at all.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Aren't posting pictures of you, aren't like commenting on your stuff, aren't um yeah, like responding to your stories, sending you memes, like nothing that that does feel very odd to me because I will say I'd make it a point anytime, and I think that actually everyone in our friend group does this.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime any of us post, I will say our friend our friends hop on and are like the first ones to hype each other up.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: And like that just feels good.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: It feels special.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like you have an army behind you, and it's like it feels like your friends are interested in the content that you're posting and are like, you know, it's it's um vulnerable to post.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like literally, it is a vulnerable thing to post.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of us are posting dance videos, we're posting pictures of ourselves, we're having photo shoots done, we're doing projects, like we're we're doing a lot of things that are vulnerable to share.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like, if anyone sees it, at least I know that I've got four or five friends that are gonna stand behind me and be like, that was amazing.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's also different because we are in a space where we are creatives and we are putting out work like that.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_03: Versus like I would understand maybe if you are an environment that maybe just isn't around social media like that.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I have friends that really aren't that active on social media, and like the ones in a blue moon that they are on social media, yeah, they'll interact with comment, whatever, but like I'm not expecting it from them because I know that they're just like not on it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_03: But like we and our close friends, yeah, we very much are in the dance, entertainment, fashion world, whatever.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: So, like photography, you know, so a lot of us are just naturally on it.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I think that's where that comes from.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm kind of the same.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't really, I'm not like looking out like who's liking and who's interacting.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think also because for me, it's like in that sense, you know, if we're not that close, then maybe it's out of sight, out of mind.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: And then that just kind of for me, even dictates that maybe we're just not that close because we don't have anything to talk about.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: We don't have anything to send to each other.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: We don't have, you know what I mean?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like my sisters and I even will like send each other videos and memes and stuff just because we like think of each other and we think it's funny and whatever, you know.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually that's an interesting um perspective too, because I didn't really think about that.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Cause now that I am thinking about people who aren't really in like the art world or um in the industry, so to say, you know, the the creative industry.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, I guess social media isn't as much of a thing.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when social media is a big platform for you to share your work, your art and stuff, I think it is a lot more necessary and important for your friends to interact because also like um, you know, when you do like a post, you want it to reach a wider audience, and then and you know that if all of your friends comment on something, it's more likely that it will get spread or pushed to uh a further audience.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so like that's also a a token of love.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or like I think it's literally so sweet when like my friends will repost like um something that I posted.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I do a video or something and they put it on their own story, I'm like, wow, like that's such and it's it's so like I don't know, I guess modern day, whatever.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: But it is like but it's literally like you're yeah, you're showing support and you're showing that you're also proud of that what I'm putting out, and that feels really good.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like really just also a needy person, too, though, is like you'll literally send me a picture of something and then I'll respond to it via text, and then I see it on Instagram, and then I'll respond to the story and then comment on the real post of it too.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, yes, like that looks good.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, you ate that.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm like in the text, I'm like, oh my god, no, I love it.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then everyone's like, wait, no, it looks really good on here.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then the post, I'm like, wait, it's so good.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: No, I I I mean, I again, because I am someone who is on social media and like it is a part of our job and just like whatever and our life, I very much like to support my friends on that too.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_03: But again, like I said, like I do have friends who just really aren't active on social media, like college friends or friends that live out of city or out of state.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like it's always a I will say, because sure, with those friends, I'll communicate with them outside of that.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: But it is always nice when I'm like, oh, you were on social media today, you saw my post and you're hyping me up in the comment.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, or you're just saying you made a nice comment, and I'm like, oh, that that does feel good.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: Feels good, you know.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's like your friends are supporting you from afar, you know?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I agree.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: I try to do that with my friends too, as best as I can.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but again, I'm not like I think it's just also with the algorithm and stuff, things just I don't know, don't always pop up, I guess, or whatever it is.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I just don't take it too personally, you know, right, right, right, right.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, hey, right, right, right, right, right, right.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right, right, right, right.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right, right.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right, right, right.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, wait, actually, I am kind of curious about this too.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever had like a friend ship breakup?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, have you ever gone through a friendship breakup?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Was it intense?
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Was it like worse than a regular breakup?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think losing friends is for me harder than like losing a partner, I guess.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: Honestly, I haven't had a lot of situations like that.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like, there's been few, but I do feel like it's harder just because I feel like mentally you don't think that like friends are really I think we all think like relationships, sometimes there's breakup, sometimes it doesn't work out, sometimes whatever.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_03: But with friends, you kind of just it's a different mentality.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: You think like, oh, this person could be in my life forever.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: Forever.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_03: It's just a platonic relationship.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like they're they're not gonna cheat on me.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: But but to be honest, I feel like for me it's always kind of just been like uh we just naturally go our separate ways, whether it's like you know, from high school to college, college to postgrad, like whatever it is.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think I've ever had really like a intense like breakup with a friend, but I will say, like, sometimes when you drift away, it you realize like it hurts because you know you just kind of are in different spaces, yeah.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: So it's hard to come to terms with that sometimes, but I don't know, a part of me is like it is kind of what happens in life, you know?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: Have you ever had like a serious friend breakup?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I I have had a very, very serious friend breakup, and it was I mean, definitely one of the hardest things I think I've ever been through, if I'm being honest.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um long, long, long story short.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll try to condense it as much as possible.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there was a boy that I knew or I met in Jersey, and he was two years older than me, and he came to my cheerleading gym.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And at first I was like so um at first I was so annoyed that he was coming to the gym because I was the only boy there before, so I got a lot of attention.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I had to share the attention, like I was like, uh But we ended up it was him and his boyfriend came um to our cheerleading gym, and so we ended up on the same team, and um, and we just kind of hit it off like so fast.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um I feel like this is the person that like introduced me to the gay world, took me to my first pride um when I was 16, um, New York City.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: We had like an insane time.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I also started partying really hard with him.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um he was so opposite of me in the sense that he was very outspoken, which I wasn't as spoken out as as outspoken as I am now, very overly confident, like would always stand up for himself, whatever.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like very shy and insecure and stuff, and so he kind of like taught me how to have a backbone, how to like stand up for myself.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I do credit him a lot for that.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, yeah, we just you know, we like I mean, gosh, we like shared my first like sugar daddy experience.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like he introduced me to a lot of things in the gay world.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: He went to college uh close by to me.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I was with him every weekend.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: We spent literally every waking moment together, and we had such a close relationship.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he moved to California.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh with him and the boyfriend moved to California, and I was close with both of them, but with him more so.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then I got an opportunity to move to California like a few months after, and so I ended up in California, and so I'm out in California by myself with the only person that I know in the whole place with a host family is him.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: So then we got even closer.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: He we shared a host family, him and his uh him and the boyfriend broke up, so then it was just him and I in California.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and he actually lived in the host family, my like host family's house with me.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: We shared a bed, literally, we shared one bed like for two years.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like we were like life partners.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was like, I really thought that probably one day, like we never had like a sexual relationship, like we were never we never like hooked up or anything like that.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um like hey, in the same place, yeah, but never like just him and I, you know.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: Um there wasn't like a romantic there wasn't a romantic relationship at all.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I like if you would have asked me back then, I'm like, oh, we'll probably have like raise kids together.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like we were like you were like life partners.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: We were life partners.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: We would like we were so close that we would like wake up in the morning and we would shower together because we just like didn't want to shower alone.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I we would just be like in the shower, like chatting.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like we were just so so so and we did everything together, but with that, he also got me into really dark spaces where doing things that I shouldn't have been doing and was not always a great influence on my life.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was always like um goody two shoes, kind of, and he was not, and he kind of introduced me just to a lot of things I shouldn't have gotten myself into, anyways.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: He uh we like lived together, the whole thing, and then the the first betrayal, we were like paying rent, we shared a room together.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, even we after we moved out of our host family's house, we moved into our own apartment, our first apartment together.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: We shared a room, we still shared a bed because we're like, no, it's fine, we can share a bed, like it's fine, we don't mind sleeping with each other.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: And um was that like you turn 18 and the host family's done, or how does that work?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yes, there that's a whole nother story, which actually we'll have to say that for another episode because that's a real we have to write that down because that's a really, really insane story.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um but anyway, so we decide uh, or so we are like sharing this episode.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Apartment, whatever, we're splitting the rent, which like back then was like we were splitting like six hundred dollars or seven hundred dollars, and so cheap, and whatever, but that was a lot of money to us back then.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, yeah, you know.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then one one day, like he was talking to the ex and like without telling me, yeah.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And like I loved, I I didn't want mine if they were together, but decided, made this whole backup plan where he was gonna leave to go like follow his like dream to be with the ex again and move to England.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And like he kind of and he kind of just told me that.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what do you mean?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: We have a lease together.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I'm like, this is my person that I do absolutely everything with, and he was just gonna up and leave.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: So he did.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: I learned a lot.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't talk for uh like six months or like a year or something, like a good amount of time, and I just kind of picked up the pieces.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then like a year later, they ended up breaking up again.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_03: Wait, so when he left, you just were left with the place?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and you were paying for it all?
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: I just I had to, I mean, my dad helped me.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, I just kind of figured it out.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: I got like another job, whatever.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that was like betrayal number one.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like again, I'd never experienced a friendship this close before.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: So like it really weighed on me.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: So then a year later, whatever, I like am now in fashion school.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: I have like done a lot.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: I like, you know, I think I was very codependent in that relationship.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I kind of like built like a little bit of a backbone for myself.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that time I was like, oh, this is what it's like to really be on your own.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because even when I went to California, I felt like I was never on my own.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: I literally shared a bed with someone.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, he decides to move back to California.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever, we um we become we're like friends again, we work things out, we're like, he's in my life again.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I had a boyfriend at the time.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is when I was dating Michael, and um it was fine, whatever.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then Michael and I broke up, and it was kind of like, okay, what do I do now?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: So me and me and him decided to live together again.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And um, like it was fine, you know.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: This time, hey, we're like grown up now, so now we have two different bedrooms.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, and it it really, it really worked great.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um this is where things get a little crazy.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: We lived together for like two or three years, everything was great.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was dancing, I was traveling for choreography, I was doing this, I had other friends, like we just were like a good unit, just felt like a brother or like someone who was just like a family member, you know?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's like a deeper closeness than like, you know, a f I don't know.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, he started to like act weird, and I I couldn't fully put my finger on it, right?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's just definitely a shift in energy, and he was spending a lot of time out, and I didn't always know where he was.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like I typically would always know where he was at.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we had come up with the well, he came up with the idea that we should buy a house together.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and he's like, come on, we're 20, I'm 23, you're 25, or I'm you're 23, I'm 25.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this will be an investment property for us.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's something we can make money off for the rest of our lives.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: We'll Airbnb it out, blah, blah, blah.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: He sold it to me.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: And at 23, I'm like, that sounds great.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, amazing.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: So he's, you know, doing all of like the back end work for this, right?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm leaving for choreography.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like gone for a few months, and he's, you know, we're just FaceTiming, we're texting, he's doing house tours, like all this stuff.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I kind of there was some sort of intuition that was kind of telling me, like, this is probably not a good idea, but I'm like, you know, this is your very best friend, like it's gonna be fine, whatever.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was also just like, oh, this will be so impressive of me to have a house in LA, like at such a young age.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, you know, one thing led to the next.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: We were like on a lease, or we like had a loan together, but then that like we almost went to escrow with some house that fell through, and then whatever.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: So then all these like a million steps later, he kind of like presented this to me while I'm away, mind you, working that like okay, he's gonna get on the loan first, and then we'll have the house for like a year, and then we'll refinance and put me on the loan too, right?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this whole situation.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: So, anyways, he wasn't gonna put you on the loan, yeah.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not at first, and I like had to whatever it's just all the stuff.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, but we're moving in, like, whatever.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: And like I did see how it was easier because I was on the phone with these people too, and it just was like more difficult, like whatever.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, okay, yeah.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: We move into this house, and Audi and Devin move in with us.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's a four-bedroom house in the valley.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um again, during this time, I just gotten back from choreography.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: That his energy was just weird.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I couldn't figure out what it was, but it felt like there was some darkness, like there was just something off.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I did not understand.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: I like didn't really want to be around him, but I'm like, we're just going through a phase.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're just getting older, we're just going through a phase.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is like, you know, my brother.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is like my best friend in the whole world.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, he would have 100% been the best man at my wedding, like hands down.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, you know, and um, and so we move into this house, and during the moving process, there was something weird, like, you know, all the movers were putting like furniture and stuff in the garage.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: His TV, he had like this big giant TV at the time, was put like face down on the couch or something.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I mean, I didn't say like I'm I didn't think anything of it, whatever.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we're like living there for a few days.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the TV must have stayed there for a few days, and um also during this time we're trying to like gut the house.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we're like trying to make decisions on like the floors and are we gonna put money into this, are we gonna do this, like whatever?
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like we couldn't agree on anything.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, this is not fun, this is not feeling good.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, like we typically had the same opinion on everything, and then now it's like we moved into the space and we're just like disagreeing on everything.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: He feels so like irritable and volatile.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: So then I guess a few days into it, he's like goes to turn on his TV and it's like cracked or something, like it must have been sitting on the front side, and he like sends me this insane text like this is all your fault.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like you directed them to for the TV, blah blah blah blah blah, this and that.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I didn't tell anyone to put your TV anywhere.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: And like it was that's been sitting there for days.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not it's not my TV, it's not my responsibility to like it was something that just didn't make sense.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the dots were not connecting.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: The dots were not connecting.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what is happening right now?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Then, and again, he is like a fighter, so like he will fight, fist fight, like he can be scary, but never towards me, which I should have maybe seen it coming.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: But literally, I kid you not, I got home one day.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: My bedroom that I just paid for this house, mind you, I also lent him money for his portion of the down payment.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know it just gets worse and worse.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I know.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, okay.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: I get home from um from work one day or wherever I was, and my bedroom door was off, was gone.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: My bedroom door, and then I go because I'm literally see that and I'm gonna be like, Tyler, where's my where's my I go to be I go to be like, where's my door?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I go to like open his door, his room is padlocked.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like he added an additional lock.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what is happening?
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: Next morning, literally, me and Devin's room were right next to each other at 6 a.m.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: He's blasting trap music outside of my what?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like what trying to have conversations with him.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: He's screaming at me.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's like irate, and I'm like, there's I can't even, I'm honestly scared of him.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like whatever.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so, like this, like went on, it just kept getting worse.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every morning, the music, just like little things, like nasty text messages, the group message was like, and I was like, I I cannot be here.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I I have to go.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so, anyways, I left.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking to lawyers about what I can do, but I kind of signed my life over.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'd have to pay a lot of money for lawyers, like this and that.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it was a lot of money that I that I lost out on.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and then in uh so I moved out, whatever.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, six months later, I find out that he was like heavily addicted to drugs.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was literally like, How did I not see that?
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know, but I felt it.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like it was up to a point where I didn't even want to be in the car with him.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm like, if I could drive home, like, oh no, I'll drive my own car.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't want to, I don't want a carpool.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like I didn't want to be in his energy because there was something off, there's something volatile, there was something dark happening with him, and I missed it.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so when I find out found out that he was addicted to drugs like six months later, a part of me felt validated because I was like, okay, I'm not just crazy.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: This wasn't just an insane situation.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but then another part of me was really disappointed in myself because I'm like, as this person that was closest to this human, I should have seen that.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: I should have called it out because I felt like if there was one person that could have helped the situation or maybe helped him, it was me.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't, and I and I didn't show up.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_03: But it's also, I mean, yeah, not your fault.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, and thousands and thousands of dollars of after buying a house in LA later, you know, I like learned one of the biggest lessons like in my life, and you just, you know, you start to learn who you can trust a little bit more.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, that that situation really, really broke me because this was some I've never been even like I feel like to my boyfriends, like I don't I never felt like I got as close to anyone as as I did in that time.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: But see, that's the thing.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like it's just so much easier to get intimate with your friends because it you there's no kind of like fear, I guess.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Boundary, like it's like it just feels like a safe space because you're not really worried about like Is this gonna be over?
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, lol also just side note because the mind is such a powerful thing.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_03: The way I'm like, no, I've never had a falling out of the and like literally, I'll go into that in a second.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_03: But, anyways, to finish off this thought, I just feel like, yeah, I feel like that in those moments, that's what makes a friendship breakup harder than relationships, because you really don't necessarily see it coming.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah, we know that friends can come and go, but usually it's like friends come and go, like I said earlier, because like you grow apart, yeah, or like just natural dynamics of the the environment.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: But actually, now that you say that, it's funny because right before the pandemic, going into the pandemic, I was living with one of my best friends.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_03: And she was a close friend of mine that I knew actually since high school.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_03: We met in high school, we used to dance together, and uh, that's how we met.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, we didn't go to the same high school, but we were on the same dance team.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I remember first day of audition, not to dive into the whole thing, but first day that I was going into audition, she came up to me, she goes, What's your name?
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_03: And like literally, just very much like I was new to the whole scene.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_03: She was very she was my first like choreography partner.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: We used to do like choreo, uh like duo choreo moments on the team.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_03: Her and I teamed up for the first time.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_03: First, you know, we just really got to connect.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: We uh graduate high school.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_03: She was uh two years younger than me.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, two grades younger than me, technically, but a year younger than me, anyways.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I went off to San Francisco to school.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_03: Later on, I find out that she's gonna go to my same college uh for school.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_03: So I was like, oh my god, amazing.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_03: So we like went to school together.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_03: We both lived in San Francisco, and then I moved down to LA a year or two later.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_03: She's like, actually, I think it was like two years later, she was gonna move down to LA too, because she was gonna work down here and she wanted to move back to SoCal, whatever.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_03: So at the time I was actually living with her sister, it just worked out that way.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_03: We found a place and whatever.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_03: So her sister and I were living together.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_03: Then when she was gonna move in, we're like, let's find a three-bedroom apartment.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_03: So we moved into a three-bedroom apartment.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_03: She moved in.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_03: This is in LA.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_03: This is in LA.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: Where?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, where were we living?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_03: I used to live in like Mar Vista, but with our sisters.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, but then we moved to like kind of New York Sotel-ish area.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, got it.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_03: So, anyways, we're the three of us move into a three-bedroom apartment.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_03: Her sister's really busy, so her sister's kind of like not really home a lot.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like, she's working, whatever.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_03: And then her and I are like vibing.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh my god, Illy, like, so happy you're here.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I just love her so much.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_03: And um then, like six months in, she gets a partner.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_03: And the partner, then literally like a month in after they're dating, the partner's like essentially moving in.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm kind of like, what's going on here?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_03: And my friend tells me, like, oh, they they don't really like have a good relationship with their parents, they're kind of like trying to get away, like whatever the whole thing, right?
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_03: And they're like, So could they stay with us for a little bit?
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Have you talked to your sister?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_03: And she was like, Yeah, my sister said it's fine.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, Oh fuck, now I like it's not that I didn't want the person to stay there, but I'm like, let's be real.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_03: Is it gonna be a couple months or is it gonna be, you know what I mean?
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, There's already three of us in this apartment.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_03: That's a lot.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just like, oof, and I just don't know, I just don't even know this person.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_03: You barely started dating this person a month ago.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I was like, okay.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, sure, you know, let the person let them come.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_03: They come and I knew right out the gate this person is not trying to go anywhere.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_03: Cause like they were just everything was getting moved in.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: They were moved, they were making it like their home, you know?
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, okay, you know what?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_03: Just come.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it might not be that bad.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it's fine.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um then, mind you, they're very much like a homebody couple, they don't really go out a lot.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_03: The partner told me um that they don't really drink a lot, like, you know, whatever.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_03: So they're they're not really like party people, whatever, but they're they're chill, we're vibing.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_03: Then comes pride that summer, and in that summer, um one of my friends, close friends from high school, they went to high school together.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I met them, I met her through my friend, right?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_03: So we're all hanging out, and I'm like, oh my god, I love your friend, like so fun, she's so cute.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're vibing.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_03: Then summer comes around, it's pride, and my my friend, the roommate, had gotten a new job.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: So they started this new job, so they couldn't really do pride because they're like, I'm gonna be training and working and whatever.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, but my partner really wants to do pride stuff, has never done it out here before, like, whatever the whole thing.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_03: So her friend, the best friend, is like, oh, come with us and our friends, like Jackie know.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, so we're gonna call my friend Susie, okay?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_03: So Susie over here is starting her new job, okay?
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_03: Susie's like working training, and the friend, Susie's best friend, is like, hey, come with me and my friends.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_03: We'll vibe, we'll have a good time.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_03: So the partner is like, okay, work, we'll go.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_03: That day I remember I was like out in Venice or something during the day because I was getting my ears pierced with a friend of mine, and we're like having drinks out there, we're on the other side of town, they go to this march or this event, and I get a call from the friend and is like, Hey, what are you doing?
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Oh, I'm out in Venice, what's up?
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_03: Um, well, I'm here with my partner or with Susie's partner, and the partner's a boy.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_03: No, they they just go by them.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_03: They go by they.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_03: But it's they go by they.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but um, my friend is bisexual.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_03: Got it.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so anyways, so um, so they um, so they're like, I'm here with my, you know, the partner, and they are wildly blackout, making everyone uncomfortable, try to kiss me, is lifting up my friends' shirts, like everyone's just feeling very uncomfy.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_03: Mind you, they don't have their ID on them, they didn't bring a credit card.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_03: That was another thing that bugged me was that this person wasn't working at all.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_03: And was out here just being hot mess expressed, and apparently didn't have a relationship with their parents, so they weren't getting money from them, whatever.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_03: That's partly why they had to find somewhere to live.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I was just kind of like, so okay.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: And like, not like super ambitious to fix it.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_03: No, no.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, so what are you doing to help the situation here?
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_03: Because also, then as a friend, I'm like, so is my friend paying for your life?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't like that, you know?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm already having my reservations about the situation, but then I get this call and is like, hey, I don't know what to do.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Have you tried contacting Susie?
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, but they're working, so they can't answer me.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, honestly, I'm like getting really uncomfortable.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_03: I might just send them back in an Uber.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, okay, that might not be the best if they're like blackout.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like, well, how are you gonna get them home?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_03: You know, whatever.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I was like, I wish I could come get them, but I'm on the other side of town.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't drive, like, you know, I'm I'm drinking, like whatever.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, I just don't think it's a good idea.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um so the friend ends up sending the partner in an Uber home.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_03: They get home, I guess, but Susie was not happy because she was like, You sent my blackout partner in an Uber by themselves, like anything could have happened.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Okay, I get that, but also we're all adults here, and your friend was black or your friend, your partner was like blackout drunk, meaning everyone uncomfortable.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe they also need to figure out, you know, whatever.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like a two-edged sword, right?
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_03: Or like a double-edged sword, right?
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I don't know what the right answer is necessarily.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe she shouldn't have sent them in an Uber, but also, you know, I don't know.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I would have sent them in an Uber, baby.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_03: I just I do feel like that's you know, risky, especially as a female, but whatever.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_03: But, anyways, also I understand we're all adults, so I'm not really so I get home, wake up the next morning, the partner comes out into the kitchen, I go into the kitchen, and basically, long story short, the partner's like, There's no way that I got that messed up.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like, something must have happened.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if I trust the friend.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're making big accusations here.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_03: Basically alluding to the fact that something could have drugged, yes.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, okay, so if we're making these accusations, I'm like, first of all, are you okay?
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what's going on?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you know, let's try to figure this out.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm also not trying to like negate the situation, right?
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm also like, okay, whoa, this is getting crazy.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_03: I talked to the friend, the friend is like, I literally had to pay for everything, bought all the alcohol, the Ubers, whatever, because they didn't have anything on them.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I was taking care of them, like, you know, the whole thing.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't know what the right answer is here, but essentially what ended up happening was that Susie and the friend split ways because this went on for a while where things just got really hostile and they just couldn't.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I also the the friend was getting upset that Susie was not saying anything, right?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_03: Was not defending them at all, was just kind of being like, Hey, my partner said this and this is what it is.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, also, this is your like best friend since high school, you know.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like you're like, you're not gonna believe them at all, or at least try to get to the bottom of it.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm already kind of like, that's really sus.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_03: They end up like not being friends, and I was like, Oh shit, like this is real.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_03: Then it got to the point where things were just so awkward at home and so hostile.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_03: And like, I think because the partner knew that I had a friendship with the friend, the friend, yeah.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I it got to the point where it was just so I did not want to go home.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like anytime I was home, anytime there's an issue in the in your home space, like that is the worst feeling ever.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I've always been grateful enough that like I've always had good relationships with my roommates, but it just got to the point where I couldn't be home.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_03: So then one day I remember I was supposed to take dance class, I got a flat tire.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: So I was like FML.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_03: Came home.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just in my room.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, you know what, forget it.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it's fine, I don't have to go.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_03: I get a bang on my door.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, that was after, but I will continue the story.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_03: So I get a bang on my door, it is the partner.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_03: The partner opens up the door, starts screaming and yelling at my face.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: No, literally in front of me, and I'm like, What?
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, what is going on?
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_03: I see um, hey, they decided to get a dog in this whole time frame.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_03: So there's a big black German shepherd living in our three-bedroom apartment.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, first of all, what I'm like, this is insane.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm now I'm here with a partner and a dog that I did not agree to.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_03: So that was another thing.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_03: So many things here.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_03: And then I see the dog run out of the room, and I'm like looking at the dog.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_03: My friend, Susie, comes out, grabs the dog, goes back into the room.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, gag, jaws on the floor.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_03: At this point, I'm not even paying attention to whatever the partner is saying.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_03: I'm literally so mad because I'm like, you are not doing a goddamn thing, and I have known you for how long?
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_03: And like I have not done a single thing to you, you know?
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_03: So, so I was mad.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_03: Before that, part of the reason why I think they were yelling at me was because there was one night where I came home, and again, I was avoiding being home at all times.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_03: I came home, I had a friend's birthday.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_03: So I came home, I showered, I got ready.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm in my room, I called my Uber and I texted my friends while I'm calling the Uber.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, hey, do you want me to bring anything?
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like, do you guys need anything?
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, if you want to bring something, bring something, whatever.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_03: So I we had like a cabinet where we had wine and bottles and whatever, right?
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I like went over to the kitchen and I'm like looking at the like at that shelf of the liquor or whatever, trying to see, like, oh, are any of these mine?
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_03: Let me take something.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_03: I look over, there's a backpack next to the next to the shelf.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, oh, someone must be home.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_03: Because when I first got home, nobody was home.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_03: Someone must be home.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_03: We had a balcony, it was also nighttime, so the balcony.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: Door opens and the dog and the partner come inside.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I got like scared because I was like, Oh my god, I didn't know you were out there, you know?
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Oh, hi, I didn't know anybody was home.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_03: The partner looks at me.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: What are you doing?
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, Oh, I'm looking for a bottle because it's my friend's birthday.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_03: Were you looking through my backpack?
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_03: No, I was not.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, I know what you were doing.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, your backpack is closed, Miss Thang.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm literally not even, I'm literally looking at the bottles.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, what are you talking about?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, don't ever touch my shit.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm literally like, Oh babe, I'm I'm those are fighting words.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, I have to go.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_03: My Uber's coming.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_03: I already called it.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care about your things.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_03: I gotta go.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I literally grabbed my things and I left.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like shaking in the car because I was like, No, I'm getting mad, like I'm trying to fight this bitch.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_03: I know, no, but especially after what had happened to the friend, right?
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, ain't no way that you're gonna be accusing me of something I didn't do.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_03: Because I know what you're capable of now.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm starting to like, you know, catching on.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, damn.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I'm in the Uber or yeah, I'm in the Uber on my way to my friend's house.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_03: I get a call from the partner.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_03: I answer the call, just like yelling, just like, I know you're not gonna get away with this.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_03: I know what you're trying to do.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_03: Don't ever touch my shit.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like da, going off.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm literally like, hey, hey, like, can I, hey, like, I'm trying to talk, can't get a word in.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I was like, I, you're not listening to me.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_03: I can't talk to you right now.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_03: Hung up the phone, and like that was that.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: So I immediately tried calling my friend because uh the like Susie, right?
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, hey, I need you to know what happened because I don't know what the heck is gonna be told, but I need you to hear it from me first.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_03: But they were working, so they couldn't answer me.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I didn't, um, I didn't get an answer, sent a big long message to my friend being like, Hey, just so you know, this is what happened.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what's going on, but I just want you to hear from me.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm trying to be calm here, right?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_03: Did not hear a thing.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_03: I went out with my friends, I came back, woke up the next morning, still hadn't heard a peep.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_03: I literally didn't hear from Susie for like a week.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, maybe not a week, but like at least a couple days.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, this is so weird.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, no, this is not, this is not right.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, why isn't why aren't they even responding to me?
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_03: So I call her sister and I'm like, hey, something is really, really off.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like the friends aren't even talking anymore.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_03: This just happened to me.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm not hearing back from your sister.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_03: Have you talked to her?
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_03: And she's like, Oh no, I've been like, am I like I've haven't really been home.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_03: I've been staying with a friend.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, why?
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_03: Because things in the apartment were just so weird.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_03: Girl, this is your sister, you know?
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, okay, well, now I'm really getting worried.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you are this person is getting isolated, you know?
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_03: So I immediately jump to the conclusion of like worst case scenario.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, they're in an abusive relationship, whether it's emotional, verbal, I don't know.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm like, something is going on here.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_03: This is not right.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I tell her, I'm like, we have to find a way to get her uh like alone.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like trying to set up a lunch, like I'm like, hey, let's get lunch.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like, can we talk?
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_03: Or I'm just like, I miss you, like literally trying to do anything and everything, right?
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_03: And nothing is like working.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I there were my friend Susie was like, Yeah, let's get lunch.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_03: Would cancel last minute.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_03: It just was not happening.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_03: So eventually I called the sister again.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, You have to be the one to tell her something about your parents or your family.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_03: We finally ended up having an intervention.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_03: We got her away, and she chose the party.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_03: She chose the party.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_03: Well, first we got her away.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_03: We talked, it was a crying fest.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_03: She confessed everything that's been going on.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_03: She was definitely in an abusive relationship, it was not good.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_03: And we were like, Okay, we have to get you out of this.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_03: What happens?
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_03: They end up breaking our lease and moving in together.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_03: I was begging them not to.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, please don't.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_03: Then the pandemic happened.
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, Great, now they're stuck in an apartment together by themselves.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_03: I had to move away from San Diego from LA to San Diego.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_03: Long story short, I kept up with like the sister and tried seeing what was going on because I obviously couldn't like necessarily be there.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_03: They did end up breaking up, thank goodness.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_03: And like they moved out.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_03: The sister was like, She's living in my building now, like whatever.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: The friendship was yeah, yeah.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_03: I just couldn't get myself to get back to that, you know.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_03: I did message my friend and tell them, like, hey, I will always be here for you if anything, if you need anything.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_03: But like, but it's like even having moved back to LA, it's been hard to friendship breakups suck.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, suck.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: Dang, that's so uh tough.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know really, really getting.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: But that I again was harder than I guess that makes so much more sense about your story as to why you like left and came back now, because I didn't I didn't put all I didn't have all those pieces put together, but no, that's that's so difficult.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like when people are in an abusive relationship, it's like you can try as hard as you can to get them out of it or whatever, but it usually is gonna take like their own time to get through it, and right that's just so difficult.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, friendship breakups, they freaking hurt because they're unexpected.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like again, that was I feel like harder than any breakup.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_03: I've you know what I mean.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like it was really hard, so yeah, yeah.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_03: But listen, you live and you learn.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think we all learn how to trust and how to build stronger relationships, maybe.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_03: We we grow.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_03: So hey, don't do that.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was about to say, bitch.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_03: Bitch you better watch out.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_03: I will literally kill you.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_03: Please.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um my gosh.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, well, that being said, um, thanks for tuning in.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_02: Boundaries, friendships, love yourself.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_02: We love you guys.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for tuning in.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_02: And um show.