Latest / Mom Gone Mild / Getting Untoxic: Relationships & Real Life

Transcript

Getting Untoxic: Relationships & Real Life · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:09
  Hi guys, welcome to mom gone wild.
• 0:12
  I'm Lex. I'm your host.
• 0:14
  If you've been here for a minute, you know we've talked a
• 0:17
  lot about postpartum mental health, eating disorders, crazy
• 0:22
  wild lights out, friendships, healings, all of it.
• 0:26
  You can go back to episodes one through 10 now streaming, but in
• 0:31
  this episode, it's kind of something I've been thinking a
• 0:36
  lot about, to be honest. But before we get into all that,
• 0:40
  I want to apologize. Not really apologize, but just
• 0:43
  explain why this episode is audio only.
• 0:46
  Trust me, that wasn't the plan. I'm having a shitty day.
• 0:50
  And yeah, we all have it. I didn't feel like doing my hair
• 0:54
  when I did, it got so frizzy it was out of control.
• 0:59
  I didn't feel like setting up lights because honestly as soon
• 1:02
  as I did I was sweating from the hormones.
• 1:05
  I didn't feel I was camera ready.
• 1:08
  I stay home every day with my baby and this week my mental
• 1:13
  health is just super sensitive. Not really falling apart but
• 1:17
  we're not glowing either. Just it isn't it?
• 1:22
  And I almost didn't record if I'm honest because that little
• 1:25
  voice in my head creeped up saying if you can't show up
• 1:29
  perfectly, don't show up at all. But that's not real life is it?
• 1:33
  I'm not an influencer who wakes up in matching sets with perfect
• 1:36
  lighting. Half the time I'm in a random
• 1:39
  old T-shirt and Fruit of the loom sweats.
• 1:42
  Not even the cute ones to be honest.
• 1:44
  I try to vlog probably every other day and I'm going to be
• 1:48
  honest, none of them turn out good.
• 1:51
  None. And it's not even like those
• 1:53
  funny like mom ones that you know are like fails but are
• 1:57
  cute. No it's just all bad.
• 2:00
  My hair is usually up, not that there's something wrong with it,
• 2:03
  but usually in the ugliest little bun.
• 2:07
  Laundry is always behind. Dishes are always dirty.
• 2:10
  I'm overstimulated as fuck. I'm over caffeinated because my
• 2:17
  coffee every day has about five shots and I'm still tired and
• 2:21
  today, like I said, today ain't it.
• 2:25
  But I still wanted to show up. I still wanted to prove that I
• 2:29
  am a baddie, just having a bad day.
• 2:31
  Because maybe someone listening is also not 100% that week, this
• 2:36
  week. And hey, that's OK.
• 2:40
  All right, well, let's talk about getting on toxic.
• 2:43
  Now that we're getting into this whole Wellness journey.
• 2:45
  I feel like this is a great, you know, start not just, I'm not
• 2:52
  talking about like, let's get on toxic just like with our bodies.
• 2:56
  I'm talking about like in our relationship.
• 2:58
  No, this is not about just cutting people off dramatically
• 3:02
  and blah, blah, blah, but slowly realizing what feels heavy and
• 3:07
  just choosing different. All right, so we're going to
• 3:10
  start with friendships. Let me tell you a little story.
• 3:14
  Maybe you relate because I feel like this happens a lot.
• 3:18
  I had a friend where I always was the first one to reach out.
• 3:23
  I'd text first, I'd initiate the Hangouts, I'd check in, I'd make
• 3:27
  the plans, and I didn't question it for a really long time.
• 3:30
  I just thought that's the way it is.
• 3:34
  That's what being a good friend is.
• 3:37
  But one day I stopped. Not like in a dramatic way where
• 3:40
  I kind of told them off like we're no longer friends, but I
• 3:44
  just stopped being the first one.
• 3:46
  And you probably know exactly what happened next.
• 3:50
  I stopped hearing from them completely.
• 3:52
  And that freaking hurt. Not because they're a bad
• 3:56
  person, they're not, but it showed me something.
• 3:59
  Sometimes you're holding on to something that only exists
• 4:02
  because you're the one keeping it alive.
• 4:05
  And honestly, when you let it go, it doesn't explode.
• 4:08
  It just fades away. And as sad as that was, life
• 4:11
  felt lighter. It stopped feeling like I was
• 4:14
  holding on to something so precious, so fragile for dear
• 4:18
  life, like I was walking on egg shells just to keep from
• 4:21
  breaking it. And here's what I learned.
• 4:24
  You won't always be everyone's cup of tea, and not everyone
• 4:28
  will be yours. I'm going to go ahead and repeat
• 4:30
  that because sometimes I got to remind myself this because I get
• 4:34
  in my feels. You won't always be everyone's
• 4:37
  cup of tea and not everyone will be yours, and that's fine.
• 4:42
  And listen, this isn't to make anyone evil or the villain in my
• 4:46
  story. It just means you're not aligned
• 4:48
  anymore. And when you stop forcing
• 4:50
  alignment, it just feels peaceful.
• 4:54
  All right, now we're going to get into little subject romantic
• 4:58
  relationships. I know, I know this one's
• 5:00
  deeper. I when I talk about this, I want
• 5:05
  to make sure I'm coming off as, you know, a big sister type.
• 5:08
  I didn't have a big sister to tell me these kinds of things.
• 5:11
  And I wish I would have. I'm no way here to judge.
• 5:15
  I am always just. I just always want to be a
• 5:18
  resource for positivity. And yeah, so the only reason why
• 5:23
  I'm talking about this is because I was in this deep.
• 5:27
  If you're in a relationship where you constantly feel
• 5:30
  unseen, like your opinions don't matter, the person's always
• 5:34
  talking over you like you're always the second choice, like
• 5:37
  you're shrinking yourself to keep someone else comfortable,
• 5:42
  Yeah, damn, that feeling does matter.
• 5:46
  You deserve to feel chosen. You deserve to feel heard.
• 5:49
  You deserve to feel valued. And here is the worst part of
• 5:54
  relationships. It could be physical or it can
• 5:57
  be emotional or mental abuse. But please talk to someone.
• 6:01
  Please get help. Please tell someone you trust.
• 6:04
  You do not deserve that. We deserve safe love.
• 6:06
  We deserve healthy love. We deserve untwisted,
• 6:10
  uncomplicated, untoxic love. May that be your mantra for like
• 6:16
  this year. I feel like that's going to be
• 6:18
  my mantra too, along with others of course.
• 6:20
  But I honestly wish someone would have told me this sooner.
• 6:24
  I was so young and I was so naive and I just thought
• 6:28
  honestly. I thought chaos my passion.
• 6:30
  I thought inconsistency meant intensity and boy were my
• 6:34
  relationships intense. I thought if I just loved harder
• 6:37
  or stayed quieter or adjusted myself, kind of dim my light so
• 6:41
  the other person can bright shine brighter, it would fix
• 6:45
  itself. And guess what, it doesn't.
• 6:48
  Love shouldn't make you feel like you should question your
• 6:51
  worth. And I say all of this gently.
• 6:55
  Not from a pedestal, not from I have it all figured out because
• 7:00
  I don't. But I did go through something
• 7:02
  very similar. I went through an abusive
• 7:03
  relationship. It was mental, it was physical,
• 7:06
  it was emotional. But from someone who learned
• 7:09
  slowly, it was very painful. And honestly, I wish that
• 7:14
  someone would have sat me down and talked to me like this.
• 7:18
  We honestly have to treat ourselves with more respect
• 7:20
  because the world can be such an unkind place.
• 7:24
  And if we're unkind to ourselves too, well damn, that's just a
• 7:28
  heavy way to live. And to tie this all in, becoming
• 7:33
  a mom really changed my tolerance.
• 7:35
  My energy feels more sacred now. I don't have the capacity nor
• 7:40
  the energy for draining ass friendships anymore.
• 7:44
  Or relationships for that matter.
• 7:46
  I don't have space for conditional love.
• 7:48
  Don't be putting up all these rules and stuff and how I have
• 7:52
  to act how I have to, you know, like I love the kind of
• 7:55
  friendships that you don't have to really like everyday text,
• 7:59
  but when you do, it can be like a real here, a TikTok here or
• 8:03
  just like a, hey, how are you? Those are my kind of
• 8:05
  friendships. We see each other when we can.
• 8:07
  There's no force. And does that make me cold?
• 8:11
  I don't think so. I honestly think that just makes
• 8:14
  me aware. And awareness is heavy
• 8:16
  sometimes. I completely understand, but
• 8:18
  it's also freeing. You can love your life and still
• 8:21
  have hard days. You can love your baby and still
• 8:24
  feel overwhelmed. I'm going to keep repeating that
• 8:27
  one because right now we are trying to sleep train with Axel
• 8:30
  and oh boy it hurts my heart hearing him cry.
• 8:33
  I'm not one for the cry it out method but to be honest it was
• 8:38
  crazy because last weekend he slept in his own crib for once
• 8:43
  the whole night and then after that we haven't been able to get
• 8:45
  him back in. But I also feel like I also give
• 8:48
  up really fast and just like hold him.
• 8:51
  But that's just a really big thing that we're going through
• 8:55
  this week. And just remember, you can love
• 8:57
  your partner and still reassure it need reassurance.
• 9:00
  And that's something I'm learning now because I always
• 9:03
  ask, I always ask Randall, like, oh, would you still love me if I
• 9:07
  was a turtle? Or oh, would you still love me
• 9:09
  if I was this? It's just we just sometimes we
• 9:12
  need that reassurance. Like, hey, babe, you're
• 9:14
  beautiful. Hey, babe, you know, you're
• 9:17
  worthy, but none of that makes you weak.
• 9:21
  It honestly makes you a human. Like I say, today ain't it.
• 9:25
  But I showed up anyway. And maybe that's the lesson
• 9:28
  here. Not saying that every episode
• 9:29
  needs to be this whole crazy lesson, but yeah, you know, I'm
• 9:33
  growing every day. I'm trying to go on this
• 9:37
  Wellness journey. And you don't have to be perfect
• 9:39
  to be worthy. You just have to be honest.
• 9:43
  And to me, this is the most honest that I'll probably get.
• 9:48
  So before I go, Mom Gone Mile is having its first ever giveaway.
• 9:57
  And you guys, these prizes are honestly so good I actually
• 10:01
  bought some for myself so we can be twinsies.
• 10:04
  It is a khaki Sony wireless headphone and a 40 oz Hydro Jug
• 10:10
  Pink. So you can start this Wellness
• 10:13
  journey, get you on your track. And yeah, so join us on
• 10:17
  Instagram. The giveaway starts March 1st.
• 10:20
  It runs through the 15th. Make sure you're following me on
• 10:23
  Instagram so you can enter please at Mom Gone Mild under
• 10:29
  Score Podcast. The official podcast post goes
• 10:33
  live March 1st. That's where you'll enter on
• 10:37
  there. There will be like all the
• 10:38
  instructions, the rules, and we're getting into that 75 hard
• 10:41
  mentality. Guys.
• 10:43
  I have had so many messages from you guys saying you want to join
• 10:47
  and honestly that's amazing. But here's the thing, it doesn't
• 10:51
  have to be extreme. You can do soft, medium, full on
• 10:55
  hard. This isn't about punishment.
• 10:57
  It's about having a reset. It's about discipline with
• 11:01
  grace. If you've been feeling off, if
• 11:03
  you've been feeling stuck, I get it.
• 11:05
  If you just want to start fresh, come join us over there.
• 11:09
  And remember, not every day will be perfect.
• 11:12
  You will miss things, you will feel tired, you will have off
• 11:15
  days. But please, please, please be
• 11:18
  kind to yourself. We're in this together as
• 11:21
  always, same time, same place. Love always.
• 11:25
  Your host Lex from long gone mild.
• 11:28
  I'll see you guys next week.