Latest / Life Rescue with Lisa Dwoskin / How to Set Boundaries & Protect Your Energy (Stop Feeling Drained)
Transcript
- Lisa Dwoskin: Hello and welcome back to life rescue with Lisa Dwaskin. Thank you so much for joining my podcast here on YouTube. I'm so excited to bring you a brand new episode on how to set boundaries for yourself. So I want to thank Sophia from Miami for calling into my line and asking me to talk about this beautiful topic that I myself have struggled for years and years with setting boundaries in my own life. So don't forget if you want to call in 754-222-4413, ask me a question about your life, whether it has to do with nutrition, fitness, mental health, whatever it is, please call in, ask me a question or tell me a story that you would like. me to share on this podcast. And in a couple of weeks, I'm going to bring on guests onto the podcast so that we can have an ongoing conversation with different people that I would like to help transform their lives. That's what life rescue is all about. So let's jump right in. ⁓ before we do, let's take a deep breath, breathing in beautiful, positive energy. exhaling any negative energy and just getting yourself ready, balanced, grounded, opening your mind, your body, your spirit for healing to talk about this amazing topic, which is setting boundaries to protect your energy. Okay. So let me just share a little bit with all of you about myself. I am a giver. I'm always giving, giving, giving and giving and giving some more until I'm completely depleted and have nothing left for myself. And I've been like this my entire life since I was a little girl and I love to give. I love to help. It brings so much joy to my heart and my soul. Although the older I gun in my life, the harder it was to keep giving and giving and giving and not having anything left over for myself. So let me just talk about a day in my life. So I wake up every morning. I try to at the same time around 630 7am and I like to fill myself with positive affirmations. I used to turn on social media. Cause I have all my friends are in the spiritual world or the fitness world and a lot of motivational speakers. So I would fill myself with positive affirmations for the day. Now, sometimes I maybe look at a Bible or my new age books or my self-help books, or I'll just think of positive thoughts. Like I had been talking about in previous episodes, I'll tell myself, You are enough. You are worthy. One thing I've been doing lately that I love is I wake up and I tell myself, I love you, Lisa. Today is going to be a good day. That's simple. Just telling myself I love myself really helps my day on to start off on the right foot. Then I go to work and I'm usually training five or six clients in person by the time five or six hours are over with groups of women or one-on-one, then I'm pretty exhausted because every single one of my clients, like myself, has issues, trials, and tribulations. Then after that, I like to get on Zoom calls or conference calls. Besides personal training clients in real life or on Zoom, I'm also creating this podcast and a TV show. So then I'm on calls and I'm setting up meetings and I'm making connections, networking. So by the time I get home, then I have three kids, 20 years old, 19, well, almost 21, 19 and 10. And I like to give each one of them some of my love and attention. And then I have my partner that I'm giving my love and attention. So sometimes by the time I hit the bed at nine o'clock at night, I'm completely depleted and exhausted and I have nothing left to give myself. And that becomes a problem over time because it causes so many different issues which we're going to get into. But before I jump into all of that, I just would like to share with all of you, mainly women who are watching my channel and men, you wear a lot of hats. So I am a mom. I'm an entrepreneur. I have a full time job. I have kids. I have a partner. Like I said, it's a lot of hats to wear for one person. So if you don't give yourself love and you don't set some boundaries, you are going to be completely exhausted, completely burned out, which happens to me quite often. And then you're not going to be good for anybody else. So let's jump into all of this beautiful topic on how to take care of you. Okay, why are boundaries so hard for people? Why are they so difficult? Because especially women, we have a lot of guilt. We feel like if we say no to our spouse or our child, that we're doing a disservice to them, but guess what? You're doing a disservice to yourself by always saying yes. You must learn how to say no. It's not a selfish act. It's an act of kindness and love for yourself. Fear of disappointing others. So many of us live with that. If we say no, we're going to disappoint others and ⁓ gosh, how could we do that? Well, guess what? If you don't say no, you're disappointing yourself. So Get rid of that fear, wanting to be everything to everyone. Okay? That is very significant for so many people. And the last one, which is the one that is for me, being the strong one, always being the strong one. So I was taught as a little girl, be strong, be positive, see the glass half full, wear your rose colored glasses. Everything's happy, happy, great. You're strong and you are a woman. And guess what? That is very true. But sometimes I don't want to be strong. Sometimes I want to be weak and be taken care of by my loved ones. And that was really difficult for me to understand about myself and to finally realize I don't have to be strong always for everyone. I just have to be strong for myself. first and foremost, but if I'm not, it's okay. It's okay to be weak. It doesn't make us bad people if we're weak. It makes us true and authentic. And it actually helps us become stronger because when we allow ourselves those weak moments, we can push pause, reset, get our strength back up so that the next day or the day after that, we can be stronger for ourselves and for everyone around us. So we think saying no is a selfish act, but constantly saying yes to everybody can definitely hurt ourselves. So learn how to say no. It's so important. I'm learning. I'm learning and I'm saying no a lot. And it's really giving me more positive energy and making myself feel better and that's what's most important because if your cup is empty, you can't fill anybody else's cup, right? So fill yourselves your cup first before anyone else. So what happens when you don't set boundaries? Burnout, resentment, exhaustion, losing yourself. showing up as your worst self. And that is not going to be good for you or good for anybody else around you. You want to be the best version of you. So in order to be the best version of you, take care of you first. That is the most important thing. And that is the hardest lesson for all of us to learn. When you don't protect your energy, you start to lose your Peace, peace, take a deep breath. Peace, love and light. Exhale out anything else that is not serving your highest good. I'm gonna read that one more time. When you don't protect your energy, you start to lose your peace. Now. People ask me all the time, how do you define happiness? Lisa, you're happy. You're always happy. I'm not always happy. Ask Brian who lives with me. He'll tell you I'm not. And my kids, I'm not always happy, but I try to be as happy as I can most of the time. And when people ask me, Lisa, how do you define happiness? For me, happiness equals peace. Because when I don't have peace within my heart and my soul and my mind, then I start going a little bit cuckoo, right? We all do. So in order for me to be happier and more fulfilled in my life, it's when I feel that inner peace within. And inner peace comes from so many different things, but the most important is taking care of you. And I'm going to say that. 25 times throughout this episode because it's not only a reminder for all of you It's a reminder for me myself and I as well Take care of yourself So I'm going to say take care of me and that's when I feel that piece. Okay, so What do the boundaries look like? Okay, so you're watching my podcast you're listening to what I'm saying I'm telling you to set boundaries, say no. How do you do that? You're asking me, right? Well, okay. I want to do it. I try to do it, but how do I do it? So let me give you a couple of bullet points of how I have done it and how you need to do it. Make it very practical, but make it real. Say no without over explaining. That's a huge one for me because I'll always say, Well, I'm sorry. No, I can't do this. And then I, instead of closing my mouth and walking away, I'll start explaining, well, it's because of this and I did this and I did that and I'm tired and I'm burned out and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stop. I had to teach myself how to stop and I'm still working on it. Don't over explain to anyone. You don't need to say no. No means no. Hey, I'm a woman. dated when I was before I was married and in a relationship. I knew when I was with a man and I didn't want to kiss him or do anything with him, I'd say no and no meant no. didn't explain why. So it's the same thing that goes with anything in your life that you don't want to do. Say no and that's it. Do not over explain. not answering every call or text immediately. This one's very difficult for me because I was raised by a very strong businessman, which I'm always talking about my dad, the entrepreneur. And he would always tell me, you don't stop until the job is done. So I have fought with this problem my whole life. When I have texts of my clients and then my kids and then my significant other and people are coming to me for help in the health industry because we have a lot of connections with the University of Miami and now I'm trying to help save people's lives in a real sense, physically, every single day and taking care of fires and trying to make my business flourish. And instead of just taking it a little bit at a time, or knowing that I don't have to get everything done today. I can do it tomorrow. I would stay up till midnight breaking my neck, my back, whatever the saying is, breaking myself to finish whatever it was so that I can have the next day to do 12 more projects. Not everything has to be done immediately. Now. I look at my phone, I see some texts, I know there's fires I need to put out, but guess what? I make sure I eat, I make sure I drink my protein shake, I make sure that I spend time with my family. And I know that I don't have to solve everything in a day, okay? Very important. So carving out time for yourself, super important. You need to make time for yourself, even if it's an hour a day, set your alarm early, wake up before the kids, before you start your day at work and carve out 30 minutes, 60 minutes or at night before you go to bed or go for a walk or a bath or whatever it is, carve out time for yourself to allow yourself. a better life to be the best version of you. Like I said on the last episode, schedule appointments, schedule a workout for yourself, schedule a nature walk for yourself, schedule time for yourself and your wellbeing every single day. Okay. Not taking on everyone else's problems. ⁓ gosh, that one knocked me over. I almost fell backwards. ⁓ gosh, this is a big one. Not taking on everyone else's problems. I always feel that I have to take care of everyone and all their problems and I can't and they don't even want me to do it anyway. So why am I trying to do it? I try to solve my kids problems, my partner's problems, my friends problems for what it depletes me. It doesn't help them. It enables them actually. And it's not a good thing. Stop trying to take care of everyone's problems. You hear that Lisa? Listen to what you're saying. It's true. I'm learning. I am finally learning at my ripe older age. Okay. Protecting your schedule. That's another thing. Like I have this challenge. I'm going to call it cause it's not a problem, but a challenge with my children. I like to always be accessible for them because I worry about them. want to show them my love. want to be there for them. But guess what? Sometimes I can because I have a schedule when my clients will work. They never interfere with like in person work, but I work here in my house. And sometimes my daughter wants to talk to me. And when she needs something, she needs something right now. I have been so accessible to her that I've allowed her to feel that it's okay that she could just come into the room and ask me and demand of me at that moment, whatever it is she needs. But it's not her fault. It's my fault because I didn't set boundaries to protect my energy. And I'm finally learning and you all need to learn that. So boundaries are not walls. They are a form of self respect. I love that. You're not putting up walls. You're respecting yourself. Okay. How can you start setting boundaries? Okay. How can you start little by little? Because of course, like this happened to me again, I'm relating everything to me because I've been going through this my whole life. I'm finally getting better at it. You can't talk about it. You need to do it because everyone in my family knows that I'm always saying, I'm setting my boundaries. I'm putting myself first. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is all they hear. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because if I don't do the actions, it doesn't matter what I say because I say it and I don't do it and they don't believe it. it's insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Don't say it, just do it and do it little by little because if you've lived your life, your entire life, like I have giving, giving and giving, it doesn't just change with a snap of a finger. It's little by little by little changing the habit that you've created your whole life. So feeling completely depleted. That is such a big one. I'm always feeling depleted or I was always feeling depleted. So little by little, as I put up my boundaries, I'm giving myself more energy and I'm feeling less depleted. Realizing at some point that something had to change. So if you right now watching my show are feeling depleted and you feel like something has to change and you finally want to choose yourself without feeling guilty, then this podcast is for you. You can rewind and watch it again and watch it 10 more times until you finally get it. And remember practice little by little, day by day, month by month, 90 days, they say you break a habit. It might take more than 90 days. It might take two decades like me, know, three. But little by little, it will happen. You will feel better. You will feel more peaceful and it's time to make a change. Okay. So let's talk about self care. What can you do to take care of yourself? Go on walks, do yoga, quiet time, close your eyes, breathe in beautiful, positive energy, exhale out negative energy right there. That was what three seconds of quiet time. Take five minutes when you need it. Do something, even a simple bath, do something that you need to do for yourself to make yourself better. And I wrote down here in my notes, which I kind of already said, I realized that one point in my life, many times in my life, but I finally did something about it. I realized I couldn't pour into anyone else if I was completely empty. Okay. And I know a lot of you are feeling exactly what I'm saying. You're feeling empty. You're feeling depleted. You're feeling overwhelmed. You're feeling burdened. You're feeling like you can't take it anymore. So before you go out and try to change anyone else or point the finger at your family, at your loved one, at whoever's driving you crazy, Point the finger at yourself and make a small change in yourself to set boundaries. Start saying no, take care of you and give yourself a little bit more love. Okay, so the last thing I wanna say before I close this episode out is a few little steps to start this right away. When someone asks you some. and you know you don't want to do it and you want to say no, but you're like fighting with yourself. Take a pause before you say yes. Take a pause. Think about is this going to help you with your peace or is it going to hinder you? Take a little pause before you say yes. Ask yourself, do I have energy for this right now? Do I have energy to help the other person or be there for the other person? Think about yourself first and foremost. And it goes back to that saying, I said this one time before, if you're on an airplane and you're about to crash, what do they always say? Put the oxygen on yourself first before you put it on your child or whoever else you're helping. So ask yourself that question. Do I have the energy for this? at this moment. Schedule time for yourself like I said, make it like an appointment, start small, one boundary at a time. You don't have to set 10 boundaries in one day, one boundary at a time. So just a couple of quotes, I always end my shows with a couple of quotes here. I just want to read from my notes, okay? Taking care of yourself is not a selfish act. It is necessary for you because when you protect your energy, you show up better for everyone else in your life. And that is so important. You deserve the same love and care you give to everyone else. That is the truth. You deserve it as much or more than anyone else. And before I say goodbye, I would like to tell a short story that I happened at one of my seminars. I'm not sure if I told it already, but that's okay. I'll tell it again. I had 50 people in a yoga seminar about self love and self care. And I asked the first question, how many people in this room give love to others around them? Out of 50 people, I think 49 or 50 raise their hands, me. And then the second question was, how many of you in this room give that love and care to yourself? I'm not kidding you two or three people. raise their hand. And that's really a sad truth of our world is that we don't love and take care of ourselves first and foremost. And nowadays the world is going crazy like a tornado. Everyone's in a chaotic state. So now more than ever, you need to take care of you because that's where it all begins. It begins with peace. If you have internal peace, then people around you are going to feel that peace. So not only is it going to help you, it'll be a domino effect to everyone in your household, to your family, to your friends. And when they're able to do that, then that domino effect goes throughout the whole world and the world can become a more peaceful place to live and be. So it all starts. inside of yourself. So I hope that helped all of you because I know that it helps me to do these podcasts because it reinforces everything that I'm going through in my life. We are all imperfect people trying to survive in this human form that we're all in, right? We're spiritual beings trying to live this crazy human life that we're in. So Please do me a favor, reach out to me, call my number 754-222-4413, leave me a message, give me a topic. Thank you, Sophia. This topic really was beautiful. I love that all of you are going through what I am going through or have been through. We are all in this together. Remember, namaste means my soul recognizes your soul. and we are all one in this beautiful collective universe. So don't forget to subscribe to my channel, like this video, share it with someone you love who needs to hear this message as well. Reach out to me and I will see you next week on Life Rescue Podcast. Thank you so much everybody. Have a beautiful day. Namaste, bye.