Latest / The Daily Sarcast / July 22nd, 2026: Universals New Noisy Ride, Jell-O Shots Are Back, And Condoms Are Not Candy

Transcript

July 22nd, 2026: Universals New Noisy Ride, Jell-O Shots Are Back, And Condoms Are Not Candy · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Ever send a text and immediately regret it? Introducing Undo Button Premium,
• 0:06
  the only app that lets you undo accidental K replies, emails sent while angry,
• 0:12
  and liking someone's Instagram photo from 2017.
• 0:16
  With their new panic mode feature, your phone detects regret within 0.8 seconds
• 0:21
  and asks, Are you sure you want to send this?
• 0:25
  Undo Button Premium, because humans make mistakes.
• 0:29
  This is what poor Barack has been dealing with for 20-30 years now.
• 0:32
  I mean, no wonder the guy is so gray so prematurely.
• 0:36
  No wonder the girls flood the coop and you never see pictures really with the four of them.
• 0:40
  I'm sure they're so happy to be rid of this non-stop negative Nelly all the time.
• 0:45
  Megyn Kelly on Michelle Obama in a very unhinged 12-minute rant on Fox the other day.
• 0:52
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and media laugh.
• 0:57
  I'm Lindsay Bernick, and today is July 22, 2026.
• 1:01
  In real news, Universal Studios Hollywood just built a massive new Fast and
• 1:06
  Furious roller coaster.
• 1:08
  And before it has even opened, the neighbors are already asking Universal to
• 1:12
  hit the brakes. Haha, pun intended.
• 1:15
  The ride Fast and Furious Hollywood Drift is not just a normal roller coaster.
• 1:21
  It's Universal's first fully outdoor high-speed coaster that 4,100 feet of track,
• 1:27
  cars that spin 360 degrees while moving, and it goes up to 72 miles per hour.
• 1:34
  And the problem is that this makes people scream like crazy.
• 1:38
  During their most recent test runs, people nearby in Toluca Lake said they could
• 1:44
  hear people screaming on this roller coaster throughout the entire day.
• 1:48
  Universal says that they knew this noise would be an issue and they're trying
• 1:51
  to fix it with sound walls around parts of the track and special gravel materials
• 1:56
  designed to reduce vibration
• 1:59
  and programming the spinning cards or riders face away from the houses during
• 2:03
  the loudest moments as if that's really going to help with anything,
• 2:07
  they really think that turning people screaming away from you will really help with the noise.
• 2:14
  But you know the whole other layer of this thing is there's a little you did
• 2:17
  move next to a theme park debate happening online.
• 2:21
  But everyone's arguing that this isn't just normal theme park noise,
• 2:25
  because this ride is elevated and the sound carries differently into the neighborhood.
• 2:30
  But again, you did actively choose to buy a house next to a theme park.
• 2:34
  For years now, self-checkout felt like a weird little social experiment,
• 2:39
  where stores are like, here's a machine, and let us know what you bought and pay for it. We trust you.
• 2:44
  But just like, please be honest, because no one's really watching.
• 2:47
  And then Walmart just said, so that's been cute.
• 2:51
  Anyway we're actually going to watch you so walmart has been using the system
• 2:56
  called missed scan detection and they use cameras and software to monitor what
• 3:00
  happens at self-checkout,
• 3:02
  the technology watches like the movement of all the items and compares what
• 3:06
  the camera sees with what gets scanned and then can alert employees if something looks a little off,
• 3:13
  so you know like the awkward employee that's always like standing in the self-checkout
• 3:16
  register area and a lot of people just assume they're texting or scrolling on
• 3:21
  instagram because they're always looking down at their phone,
• 3:24
  but they're actually on these devices that monitor and they show the employees
• 3:29
  the alerts from the self-checkout system and allow them to see what's happening in real time,
• 3:34
  but also this is technology and it is ai they're not going to get every single
• 3:38
  thing right so sometimes innocent people will get accused of shot lifting and
• 3:44
  not scanning something when in reality they just like did scan it or they just simply forgot,
• 3:50
  but if you're like me the next time you think you got away without scanning
• 3:54
  that case of water at the bottom of the cart because the checkout girl was looking
• 3:57
  like she was just texting she was really just watching you the entire time.
• 4:02
  The humble jello shot, which was once associated with frat houses and beach
• 4:06
  vacations and someone's aunt bringing a suspicious tray to Thanksgiving, is now getting a glow up.
• 4:13
  Restaurants and bars are now serving high-end jello shots made with premium
• 4:17
  ingredients, creative flavors, and upscale presentations.
• 4:22
  This trend is part of a larger movement where chefs and bartenders are taking
• 4:25
  a nostalgic lowbrow foods and turning them into cool experiences.
• 4:31
  So, instead of a plastic cup of mystery red gelatin sitting next to a keg,
• 4:35
  you're getting things like fancy molds and shapes, cocktail-inspired flavors,
• 4:40
  expensive spirits, and restaurant-quality ingredients,
• 4:44
  and authentic presentations.
• 4:47
  Basically, the jello shot just went to therapy, got a haircut,
• 4:50
  bought a linen shirt, and now charges $18.
• 4:54
  This new generation of diners are embracing foods from childhood and making them adult again.
• 4:59
  We've already seen this with things like elevated Lunchables,
• 5:02
  gourmet versions of childhood snacks, and nostalgic desserts.
• 5:06
  Jell-O shots are just the latest thing to get the Brooklyn restaurant treatment.
• 5:10
  One tasting menu even includes a passion fruit mezcal glee with edible flowers,
• 5:16
  which basically means you are paying $16 to eat a drunk gummy bear.
• 5:21
  These new expensive Jell-O shots prove that if we wait long enough,
• 5:24
  very embarrassing things become a vintage experience.
• 5:29
  In Lindsay life, now that I'm working from home again, it has somehow made me
• 5:33
  question every single life choice I have ever made in my 31 years.
• 5:40
  I clean my apartment literally every day and somehow it's still dirty by the end of the day.
• 5:46
  I am literally always cooking like all of the time.
• 5:50
  I'm always eating literally all the time and still somehow in some crazy ways
• 5:55
  still I don't have enough time to get my work done.
• 5:57
  Things I'm thinking about. The time I took the handful of candy,
• 6:01
  but it turns out they were actually condoms. Okay, this is a little bit of a story time.
• 6:06
  So I just thought about this randomly the other day.
• 6:09
  My dad works in college healthcare and he had a site visit to John Hopkins.
• 6:13
  And this is when I back when I was like 15 or 16 and just started looking into
• 6:18
  college. So my dad thought, why not bring her along for the ride.
• 6:21
  Yeah, as if I could ever get into that school.
• 6:23
  Anyway, so I'm there with him all day.
• 6:26
  And as we're leaving, I am walking past one of the nurses rooms.
• 6:31
  And I see like a bowl of candy.
• 6:35
  And like, I love candy. So obviously, I just like, grab a handful.
• 6:41
  We have a long car ride home, right?
• 6:43
  So we get into the car, and I dig into my pocket, and I'm ready to like,
• 6:48
  start eating my candy so I take my first piece out and I look at it and I was
• 6:54
  like well this is a weird looking gummy.
• 6:56
  And then I realized that they were condoms they weren't candy and I was like
• 7:00
  so mortified back in high school I was like,
• 7:03
  really freaking awkward and didn't tell my parents literally anything so I quickly
• 7:07
  like shoved it like in back into my pocket and didn't say a word to my dad but
• 7:12
  now I would have been like here dad you need these more than me,
• 7:15
  cooking tip of the day if you drank your wine from the bottle,
• 7:19
  you don't have to wash a glass.
• 7:21
  See you back, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a date?
• 7:24
  Email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
• 7:27
  Thanks so much for listening, and I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.