Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / Forgiveness Is Not Going Back; It’s Moving Forward

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Forgiveness Is Not Going Back; It’s Moving Forward · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is Get It Got It Girl.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Tina, your transformational coach and emotional intelligence strategist.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, I said strategist without stuttering.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I got it now.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girls, got it.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so today we are gonna talk about forgiveness.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm trying not to laugh because before, if you would have asked me to forgive somebody, mmm, that's very rare.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but for the last two exes of my life, I do remember forgiving my first ex.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And once I did, I had some relief.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: So let me share some of the experience about what I did this week after that episode 12 where we're doing meditation.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like forgiveness, like it was so strange.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was watching a video and it suggested writing a letter, putting it under your pillow, coming from the other person that hurt you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what I'm gonna tell you right now, just a little warning.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: This can be triggering.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was a little triggering when I did the assignment.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel overwhelmed or triggered, don't do the assignment right now.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can stop, listen to the other episodes, do some meditations, do anything else if you're not ready.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, some people, and that's okay.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay not to be ready.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: But for those of you that are ready, I'm gonna help you with what I did.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you have to forgive or who hurt you?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: For me, ew, the last one.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you, I had wanted like a apologies from him, but I never got it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I never heard the words that said, I'm sorry, I hurt you, nothing.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was blaming me.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, the last message I received from him was him blaming me.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I never got the forgiveness, is what I'm trying to say.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I never got what I needed to hear.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've been on my journey for almost a year now.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so episode 13 is gonna be the end of this series, and we're gonna start out some new series next week, coming in episode 14.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: But right now, we're gonna I'm gonna talk about some of the ways that you can forgive somebody or some of the things that tools that you can use to help you.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the one that I did was called an expressive letter.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I guess it's never meant to be sent.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: You can write it and then you can keep it in a sealed envelope or a box, or you can burn it.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I like burning letters, apparently, something I learned from my mother as a child.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: What else could you do?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, you could roleplay on a, I guess you take a chair, two chairs, and you roleplay back and forth what you would say.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know some of this sounds crazy, but it's really not crazy.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually healing and helpful.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what this isn't, it's not a letter to get back with the person.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a letter to show hope of, oh, I I I love you.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I confess my love to you, and I'm sorry, and we're gonna get back together.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is something I had written before, and that was not healthy.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: That was just not healthy.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's more about what you needed to say.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you were coming from what did you want to hear?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, I wrote the letter.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I actually have the letter right here in my hand.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I'm not gonna share what I really said.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's a little more private.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know I like to be more, you know, I like to share stuff, but this to me is just a little more private.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, whatever you need to write to yourself, like for me, I realize I lost the true love of my life.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll share that.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of them.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, maybe that was to talk to my ego.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then something about him telling me that he got help, that was just to soothe me, not even for forgiveness.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe it is towards forgiveness because then that would say I've I'm sorry because of what I was under, what things I was under.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But see, I don't believe in that either.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that you still know what you're doing.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Regardless, you know, right from wrong.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: People know right from wrong.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess that didn't really re retain pertain to me.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: But what I did was the one thing that was really important.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I guess now I'm starting to tell you most of the letter was I'm sorry what I did to you while you were just trying to love me.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because I felt like that, like I'm just trying to love you, not trying because I loved him, but he wouldn't let me, he would push me away, he would start fights, so yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is becoming about him.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: So this was actually an apology letter for me.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I did write it.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: It is based at what I needed to hear, and at the end, I did realize I put some things in like at the end, like, oh, he said, Oh, I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized, no, no, no, no.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So this is not that kind of letter.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is a letter of the things that you needed to hear from him or her, whoever hurt you.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe even it's a parent that hurt you, or an abusive sibling, or an abusive parent, whoever.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just write to yourself.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is a very strong, deep episode.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: It is very cleansing, it's full of up and downs.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie, it it was painful, but it was also at the end, it was very, very helpful.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I still carry this letter, but today I'm going to rip it into shreds because okay, and at the end, what was the big thing that I wrote?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Will you forgive me?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have forgiven him.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And most importantly, we can forgive the person.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean you're gonna go back to them.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's for you, it's for them.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's the energy you want positive energy in your life.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where we're gonna turn around the series.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're turning around to the positives in our life, the good times.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to have fun.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not there yet, that's okay.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: You'll you'll you'll be there, you'll heal, you'll feel better.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds, doesn't sound like that's gonna happen.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's different stages of healing.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone through them, and that's why I'm sharing this with you.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I believe like we're at whatever stage you're at, it's okay.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you're at.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And to be honest with yourself.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so I also forgave myself because what was I thinking?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Why was I thinking I didn't deserve any better?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: If when you're doing this, something heavy comes up and you need to count contact your therapist or a trusted friend, don't be afraid to reach out because that can happen.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It can like bring up some bad things, but it it's definitely going to bring up some healing.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not definitely, because I don't want to put a promise out there to you.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: For me, it brought up some healing.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Every day is a healing day for me.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Some days are harder than others, and that's okay.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's just normal.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you're not gonna just be like, hey, I'm you know, you always hear people say that it's just not a straight line to healing, it's the ups and the downs.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, but the most important thing, I believe, uh at least something that maybe you might feel stuck is if you're you haven't forgiven the person, you haven't forgiven yourself.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: You still blame and you still have shame with yourself.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: You were doing the best that you knew.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: You were doing maybe what you've seen during childhood, you were doing maybe what you thought you deserved, maybe you didn't see your worth, and that's what we're gonna start doing.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna work on our worth.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I see my worth now, and I think, wow.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you can be upset with yourself for not seeing earlier, but you know what?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: The big thing is that you do see now, or you do see in the future.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like in the future, maybe you write yourself a letter saying, I am so glad that I am no longer in this position.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also, I hate the word lesson.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I like more like in it's a life experience, something that you can use to share with others.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I really like this because I feel like we're all going through some sort of battle.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times we're taught to be like, I'm fine, I'm okay.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then like secretly you're just not.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're laying in bed, you're eating, I don't know, Cheetos and whatever.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: I love Cheetos, but yeah, so you're just like maybe you're eating a row of cake, maybe you can't get out of bed, maybe you don't even want to shower.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, and that's okay wherever you're at.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll meet you where you're at, I'll help you with where I'm at, and hopefully my experiences help others.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a therapist.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have been to therapy, I have a social work degree, not a social work degree yet.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I do have 36 more credits to go.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And financially, I can't finish.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I did life coaching so that I could help, and that's why I'm doing the switch.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the forgiveness has led to that, like it's opened up the gates.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, once I felt that, I know it seems like a little thing, but to me, it was so helpful.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: It like opened up the floodgates.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm ready, I'm ready to go.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to get into it further.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And every day I'm learning.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Every day, forgiveness is a part of your day.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes you got to forgive somebody if they cut in front of you.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, you don't know what they're going through.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not for them, it's more for you as well.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it is for them.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think that energies, positive energy does help.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you have negative energy, why wish the other person negativity?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's not gonna help.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I like just send, you know, I I'm fine, thank you.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Not I'm fine, see, that I'm fine again, but just I'm I'm gonna be okay.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was hurt, I gave myself the closure I needed.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I forgave you.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I forgave myself, and sometimes it's it's a hard thing to do.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And uh in timing, it took a while.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is about a year almost.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, a year, December first.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's coming up one year, single, working on myself, not dating, not really going out much, but now I'm gonna start going out more and doing things and experiencing life and saying yes more.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is Get It Got It Girl, and my thing for you to do this week is what did this help when you if you did forgive somebody or you forgiven them in the past?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: What was the clarity that you received from it?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of healing did you get?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And how did you feel?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Did it help?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Did it give you hope?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like what kind of hope did you have?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of what I was talking about earlier, like adaptive help, like a hope.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, did it feel warm?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Did it make you want to do self-care or have clearer choices?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I had.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: But then I did also have some part of an unhealthy expectation, thinking maybe he might return.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I did almost go backwards, but I caught myself.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Ha! And that feels so good to catch myself.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: So use it as a tool to help you, not hurt you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: If it hurts you, go to the therapy and don't use the tool.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I was just suggesting, you know, to forgive somebody because that's the best thing.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's like a good gift that you can give to yourself so that you can move on in life.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so I am get it, got it, girl.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And let me put on some music to close us out here.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I am get it, got it, girl.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Tina, your transformational coach and emotional intelligence strategist.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I am here to help you go through life's ups and downs, whether it be in a relationship, toxic habits, toxic behavior, toxic patterns.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here to share my life experiences and give you some tools and guidance.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And once again, if you need to call suicide prevention, the numbers and information are underneath.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: So is domestic abuse abuse.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Do not allow to be abused.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not as easy as saying, oh, I'll just leave.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, you're gonna need a safety plan, and that's okay.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: All right, so go ahead and work on forgiveness this week, and that's the focus for me.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna be switching the chapter, not to more of a victim mentality, but also we're switching over.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to get ready and get forward and move on and be who you're becoming.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, just it is time, and as I'm saying this, I'm getting shivers, shivers, shivers.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Get it, got it, girl.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Coming right to you just to help you out with your day.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great time, and please follow, listen, share, whatever you need to do.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Go to my get it, got it, girl, YouTube.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: All right, guys, get it, got it, girl.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm also clapping for you because I am so happy of all the work and all the listening and all the things that you have been through with me up and down on this scale.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: All right, have a great day, have a good week.