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Transcript

Life Between The To Do Lists · The Sharon Francisco Show

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to the Sharon Francisco show.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to talk about life between all those to-do lists.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've been reading a book lately called How to Die in the 21st Century, written by Dr.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Henna Gold.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Cheery bedtime reading, I know.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there's a reason why I picked the book.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually really made me think, not in a depressing way, but in a really magnifying way.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not really about dying.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's about how slowly wearing how we're slowly wearing ourselves out while trying to live our life properly, like building businesses properly or being organized or being responsible, being switched on all the time and being available to everyone all the time.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And somewhere in the middle of that, we actually forgot about enjoying being alive.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Something else that really stayed with me from that book is how uncomfortable we've become in as a society about talking about death at all.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: The author, Dr.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Hannah Gould, reflects on how many hospitals the actual word death or dying are softened or avoided.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So in the hospitals, you're not saying those words out loud.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Different languages get used to soften it, more gentler sort of language, almost like we're trying to cushion ourselves from the reality of what's actually going to happen.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're all going to die one day.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: She even refers to research, suggesting that some clinical conversations, direct words like death and dying may only be used around 15% of the time.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So even when somebody's actually dying, we don't say anything like that.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: We like to soften those words so it doesn't sound like they're going to die.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And apparently, this tendency can actually be even stronger in infant care, where the emotional intensity is so high when young children are dying that people instinctively reach for language that feels less confronting, which I get it, it makes sense.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But it also made me realize how far removed many of us are from the natural cycle of life.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the reason perhaps why I feel this is because I grew up in the country.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that gave me a really clear understanding of how close to death, um, how close death is for all of us.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Part of my and my siblings' jobs growing up, along with my parents, was to ensure the humane disposable disposal of animals in drought or bushfire situations or just situations where, you know, if an older animal was dying, there's humane ways to make sure that that's done in a way that they're not in pain and things like that.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's a reality to that when you see this over and over from such a young age.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I look back at some of the things we did now, and it absolutely feels nuts saying this out loud.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm actually going to tell you what we used to do.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess to give you the understanding of why I see how important it is for us to live our lives now and not wait and keep working and working and working.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Back then it was just a normal weekend for us for going and getting uh making some money.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And the way that we used to do that on the weekends sometimes was to um uh hunt foxes uh for their skins to sell.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's not probably not legal now and and and it shouldn't be, but that's what we did back then.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the way that we did that was we'd make wax pellets filled with cyanide in our kitchen.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Can you believe it?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: We'd melt this wax in saucepans in the saucepans that we cooked in.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: We'd fill them um with this cyanide, and then we'd drag like a dead animal along a trail, and we'd hide these little cyanide baits along the way.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the next mornings we'd get up really early and we'd go and get our foxes and we'd prepare them for sale.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I won't go into any more detail than that, but basically, um this was just one of the activities of the many that highlighted how much death is so very close.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And when you grow up that close to it, you don't get the luxury of pretending life goes on forever.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: You feel how real it is.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Things like, you know, even the positives around watching cows give birth to little calves or sheep use give birth to lambs and goats with kids and things like that.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're seeing that cycle of life all the time, on a weekly basis almost.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's why I notice it now, how easy it is for all of us to drift through life without actually feeling it and knowing that, you know, this is the heartbeat of life and feeling that blood pump through your veins and being alive and enjoying it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, how we're taught to stay strong and stay busy, stay capable, quietly move past all the uncomfortable stuff.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Modern life does not leave much room for that deeper reflection or sitting with the bigger questions.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, when we do allow ourselves to think about the fact that life is finite and something changes in us, priorities sharpen or they should sharpen when we know that someday we're gonna die.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Tolerances for meaningless stress actually drops.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the question becomes less about what we should be doing and more about what actually matters for us personally, doing the things that we really love doing that light us up and make us feel alive.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's a line from a Steve Jobs 2005 Stanford University commencement speech that's really stayed with me for years.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I love his full speech.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do get a chance to listen to it, it's uh the 2005 Stanford University commencement street speech by Steve Jobs.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the lines that he said that's really stayed with me is remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: He then goes on to say, because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: How powerful is that?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that does sound a little dramatic.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I get it, but when you really sit with the idea, it actually strips away a lot of the noise, all the overthinking, all the worrying about what people think, and all the waiting for this perfect time that we all seem to wait for for different things.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Without even realizing, a lot of us behave like there's always will be more time.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: We stay with clients we can't stand and that don't treat us well and don't pay us well.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: We spend Saturdays cleaning when we could just get a cleaner or mowing while we could just get somebody else to do it.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you love doing that stuff, keep doing it.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't, you can get somebody to do it.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's the beauty of owning your own business.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: The next client pays for the cleaner or the mower or whatever.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: You get to create that if you're growing your business strategically.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to clean one more toilet if you don't want to.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Learn to build your business correctly so that pays for it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't have to be doing the things that you don't want to be doing.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because many times we say yes to things that make us feel heavy and not great.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: We keep pushing holidays out because this year's just got too busy.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have time this year to go on a holiday.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll push it out to next year, and then next year arrives and we push it out another year.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Book the darn holiday, not just down the road.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Go somewhere where your eyes are forced wide open, where the culture makes you question everything in your life, how you eat, how you communicate, how you love.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Really put yourself into situations where things just feel different.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you know it forces your eyes open to see those differences and go, wow.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because every time you travel, you come back a different person by what you've seen.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you want that when you travel.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: You want it to help you question what you're doing on a day-to-day basis.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And look, I'm not saying run off and live on a beach and have margaritas for breakfast every day.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, your body is not stupid.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you eat rubbish all the time and never move and live in stress mode, it's going to slow you down eventually.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I've realized the sweet spots look more like this.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Life just feels better when I'm disciplined most of the time.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds boring, but when you're disciplined most of the time, life just seems to be better.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Moving my body four or five times a week is really important.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Eating well most of the days of the week is important.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Then actually enjoying yourself on the days that you don't eat well and just go out and enjoy it.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Eat what you want, drink what you want on some of the days, but most of the time, be good.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Have the wine if you want it.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Go out for dinner.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Laugh until your face hurts and you pee yourself a little bit.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Those sort of times are really important.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes being sensible doesn't get you to that stage.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So you just got to go out and just live a little.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because what is the point of building a life?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're too tired and exhausted to enjoy.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Another massive one is for people.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Some people just light you up and make you feel fantastic.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: You leave them feeling energized and clearer and happier and more lighter about how you're living.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Others drain you.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Even if they're lovely humans, they just drain you.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Walk away and go, oh, it's heavy.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know those people.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's made me realize how important it is to notice that.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system often knows before your brain does.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the whole grudge thing.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Holding on to resentment is exhausting.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's like carrying around a backpack full of bricks and hoping the other person feels the weight.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to just apologize.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to just forgive.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you just need to decide you are done carrying it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, sometimes you don't have to apologize to the person face to face.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can apologize to them in your head.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: You may not have to do it face to face.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because emotional clutter is real.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to say that again because emotional clutter is real.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Also, while we're here, can we talk about the news for just one second?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: We were not designed to wake up and absorb global crisis before coffee.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Staying informed, yes, we've got to stay informed, but the five-minute version from a trusted source is enough.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then go and live your actual life.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Read the books, be curious, have the conversations that stretch you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Growth is not just about business strategy, it's about feeling alive in your own head.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, some of the best parts of life are tiny, like sun on your skin, getting outside and just feeling that sun on your skin on a daily basis.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Your dog being ridiculously happy to see that.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Rejoice in that and enjoy it.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: A really good home cooked meal or a proper belly laugh with a buddy, all of these things are tiny, but gee whiz, they feel good.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And making time and space for them is so important.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Those moments aren't distractions from success.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually the whole point of success.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something I've been reflecting on.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Are we building a business or are we accidentally building a stressful job we happen to own?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Are we designing a life or are we just managing a schedule?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because life is not happening when you finally finish the to-do list.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Life is happening in the middle of the whole thing.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Between the emails, between the meetings, between the plans we keep postponing.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this week, something here nudges you to shift one small thing.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Delegating something.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that work that's a bit boring that you no longer want to do and you're holding on to it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you've already got a team member, delegate it to a team member.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't, maybe think about hiring somebody to delegate that work to them.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Move your body, get your body out, even if it's just a walk or a swim.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Move your body regularly.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: You feel better, you feel more alive when you move your body.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Call somebody who makes you feel good and talk to them and really absorb their positivity and energy and listen to good things that make you feel fantastic.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Book the trip.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Tell somebody you love, I love you, out loud if you haven't done it for a while.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't done it ever, go do it now.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Tell people you love them, if you really love them, and be vulnerable about that.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we realize we have been quietly waiting for permission to live because we do not get unlimited tomorrows, but we do get today.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And today is where all the magic is if we pay attention.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that's been helpful, guys.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, I'll talk to you soon.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.