Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Blocking An Avoidant Causes These 4 Things To Happen

Transcript

Blocking An Avoidant Causes These 4 Things To Happen · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:08
  What happens when you block your avoidant X?
• 0:12
  If you're familiar with my videos, then you know that I've
• 0:14
  said that you should not block your X until you've been in no
• 0:18
  contact for at least 60 days. And even then, you should wait,
• 0:24
  especially if they're watching you on social media because you
• 0:27
  can use that to your advantage. However, I understand that if
• 0:32
  you're anxious, then for your own mental health, you may need
• 0:36
  to block them before 60 days have passed or you just want to
• 0:40
  block them. So what happens when you block
• 0:43
  an avoidant X? Stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 0:46
  Hi, this is the Chia with the art of love.
• 0:48
  I'm a deity and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:50
  you get your X back or to get over your X.
• 0:53
  And welcome back my beautiful no contact army.
• 0:56
  Have you been staying in no contact?
• 0:59
  Have you use my apps Silencio to help you stay no contact?
• 1:02
  The link to that is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:05
  And if you would like to join our no contact army, just hit
• 1:08
  the subscribe button. And to read our manual, go to
• 1:11
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 1:16
  you purchase the book. OK, so if your ex was avoidant,
• 1:19
  then there's a very good chance that you're anxious.
• 1:22
  So your desire to block them is coming out of a need for
• 1:25
  certainty. I know that dating and avoidant
• 1:28
  can be frustrating because there's this push pull dynamic,
• 1:32
  which works fine if you have a secure or even an avoidant
• 1:36
  attachment style. But when you're anxious, you're
• 1:39
  constantly on edge because you live in constant fear that
• 1:43
  they're pulling away. And so when you block them after
• 1:47
  a breakup, you give yourself certainty because you know that
• 1:51
  they won't be able to contact you, right?
• 1:53
  So the first stage that they will go through is that they
• 1:57
  will actually not care that you block them.
• 2:01
  Yeah, I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's just
• 2:03
  the first stage. So don't worry.
• 2:05
  Remember, avoidance are really good at suppressing their
• 2:08
  feelings and disconnecting from their emotions.
• 2:11
  So at first they actually feel free and relieved.
• 2:15
  They don't feel the loss of the breakup because they're OK being
• 2:18
  alone. And if you're wondering how long
• 2:21
  they're going to be in this stage, I know that's what you're
• 2:23
  asking yourself. It's going to depend on which
• 2:25
  type of avoidant they are and how close to 50% their interest
• 2:30
  level was at the time of the breakup.
• 2:32
  So fearful avoidance will move out of this stage sooner because
• 2:36
  remember, they're anxious. Besides being avoidant and
• 2:40
  dismissive avoidance usually stay there longer.
• 2:44
  Then the next stage is that they will wonder what you're up to,
• 2:49
  especially if you block them on social media or if you don't
• 2:53
  have social media. So why are they curious at this
• 2:56
  stage? Because you gave them what they
• 2:59
  wanted, space, which they thought you'd never be able to
• 3:02
  do. And now that they have the space
• 3:05
  to relax and think about you, they don't have to worry about
• 3:08
  getting away from you because you're not getting too close and
• 3:12
  because there's not any conflict.
• 3:15
  So now they feel safe because there's no contact and their
• 3:19
  walls start to lower. And that's why they're thinking
• 3:23
  about where you are, what you're doing, who you're doing it with.
• 3:27
  And this is usually when they start viewing your stories,
• 3:30
  unless of course, you block them on the platforms that have your
• 3:33
  stories. Then they start to obsess over
• 3:38
  you and wonder if they lost you. Yes, that's right.
• 3:41
  I'm sure you love this stage. Everybody wants their ex or even
• 3:44
  the person they're dating to be obsessed with them.
• 3:47
  And you may have heard about the phantom X.
• 3:50
  Well, avoidance are notorious for having a phantom X.
• 3:54
  When they think that someone is completely gone and there's no
• 3:56
  threat of emotional intimacy and connection, no threat of
• 4:00
  vulnerability, that's when their walls completely drop.
• 4:04
  So they'll begin to see you as this ideal partner.
• 4:08
  You're now the emotional ghost of the past relationship that
• 4:11
  lingers even though the relationship is over.
• 4:15
  This allows avoidance to experience longing without risk
• 4:19
  and connection without commitment.
• 4:22
  And then finally, they start to wonder if you're the one who got
• 4:25
  away. What I know.
• 4:28
  So how does this even happen? Well, I mentioned that their
• 4:31
  walls start to lower because you've given them space.
• 4:35
  This allows them to think back on the relationship and have
• 4:38
  positive thoughts about you as they continue to think about you
• 4:43
  while not knowing what you're up to and if you're even still
• 4:47
  interested. This will lead to them missing.
• 4:49
  You see, by leaving them alone, you've created mystery.
• 4:54
  And mystery is a precursor to attraction.
• 4:57
  And why is that? Because it taps into the cycle
• 5:00
  of curiosity, reward, and the desire to resolve uncertainty.
• 5:07
  It's the what if that makes you intriguing?
• 5:10
  What if they never see you again?
• 5:13
  What if you lost interest? What if you moved on?
• 5:16
  What if they want you back? They begin to wonder why they're
• 5:21
  thinking about you so much, why they miss you.
• 5:23
  And that's what makes them wonder if you're the one, the
• 5:26
  one who got away. And in one of my videos a long
• 5:30
  time ago, I mentioned the guy who I ghosted for a year and a
• 5:34
  half after he cancelled three dates in a row in a space of
• 5:36
  about 12 days. And then when we spoke after
• 5:41
  that year and a half, one of the first things he said to me was I
• 5:44
  realized you could have been the one.
• 5:48
  And I didn't have to do anything to make him think that I was the
• 5:51
  one. In fact, I did nothing.
• 5:53
  I just disappeared. So there you go.
• 5:57
  So if you blocked your avoidant X, what you need to be doing
• 6:01
  during this time is to be working on your anxious
• 6:04
  attachment. Because otherwise, even if you
• 6:06
  do get back together, if you're still being reactive with them
• 6:10
  and freaking out when they pull away, I can pretty much
• 6:14
  guarantee there's going to be another breakup.
• 6:17
  And with each subsequent breakup, blocking under no
• 6:21
  contact is going to be less and less effective.
• 6:25
  And the two books that I always recommend are anxiously attached
• 6:28
  and attached. And the links to those are
• 6:31
  underneath every single video. And then finally, one thing you
• 6:35
  absolutely need to keep in mind, and that is that if you block
• 6:40
  your ex, you cannot unblock them until you guys are back together
• 6:49
  or you're at the point where you just don't care anymore if they
• 6:52
  reach out or if you get back together.
• 6:56
  Because the moment you unblock them, you're signaling that you
• 7:00
  are still interested in them and therefore you are breaking no
• 7:05
  contact. So if you unblocked them after
• 7:07
  two months, you just broke no contact.
• 7:09
  If you unblocked them after four months, you just broke no
• 7:11
  contact. But if you don't care, that's
• 7:13
  fine. But if you do care, then you
• 7:15
  cannot unblock them. So think long and hard before
• 7:20
  you block them. Make the decision out of the
• 7:23
  desire to regulate your nervous system, not because you're angry
• 7:27
  at the moment and you want to get back at them because
• 7:30
  eventually you will regret it and you'll want to unblock them.
• 7:35
  So remember the no contact army slogan.
• 7:39
  We don't react, we do no contact.
• 7:43
  So now I want to hear from you. Have you ever blocked an ex and
• 7:46
  what happened? And if you would like my help to
• 7:49
  get your ex back you can contact me at theartoflove.net/coaching
• 7:53
  We will send you the rates. They are not on the website.
• 7:57
  If you don't hear back within 24 hours, check your spam folder
• 8:01
  and if there's nothing in there then contact us, hopefully using
• 8:05
  another e-mail. If you found this video helpful,
• 8:09
  hit the subscribe button so you don't miss any future videos.
• 8:12
  If you're listening to this as a podcast and you want to help the
• 8:15
  show, then just download this episode.
• 8:17
  And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 8:22
  enlighten.