Latest / Becoming Anchored / Becoming Anchored S1E7: Navigating Eating Disorder Recovery Through Mid-Life

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Becoming Anchored S1E7: Navigating Eating Disorder Recovery Through Mid-Life · Becoming Anchored

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Hi everyone.
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Welcome back to the Becoming Anger podcast.
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So glad you're with us today.
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We're super excited to be here.
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Um, we are two therapists in the Nashville Brentwood area.
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I am Lauren Jackson.
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This is Laura Dineen.
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Um, we are Like I said, super happy to be with you guys today.
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Um, we have a, um, great episode, um, some content that we're really
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passionate about and, um, we're excited to kind of share that with you and
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explore and be curious with you guys.
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Like I said, we are two therapists in the greater Nashville area.
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We work in a group private practice and see lots of different
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presentations all through the lifespan.
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Love what we do and are excited to kind of expand our reach
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through this new platform.
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And, um, we are ready to just kind of jump in with you guys today.
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Yeah, thanks for being here.
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Um, like Lauren said, we really wanted to start this podcast just to Really
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ride the waves of life with y'all.
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So we're human first and foremost, we have lived experiences.
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We go through ups and downs in our lives, and then we also are therapists.
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And so we get to sit with people in their joy and their pain and their grief.
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And that is just such a privilege for us.
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And so the purpose of this podcast is really first and foremost,
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just to, um, share about our lives and also provide hope and wisdom.
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Um, from our unique perspective.
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So thanks for being here.
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We've got a wonderful episode topic today.
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We are going to be talking about eating disorder recovery during midlife years.
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And so we Lauren and I both in the practice see quite
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a few, um, women and men.
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who are maybe in their 40s, 50s, 60s and going through eating disorder recovery
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either for the first time or they've been in it before and they've somehow found us.
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But this is a population that we really love working with and so if this is
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you or if you're supporting someone in midlife, we're here for it today.
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Quick disclaimer, this episode, um, this podcast is intended
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for informational purposes only.
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This is not meant to take the place of therapy.
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So if you find that as you're listening to these episodes and engaging in
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our content that you could benefit from your own therapy, then we super
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encourage you to either reach out to us.
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If you're local, we'd love to connect with you.
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Or find somebody local to you.
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So let's dive in.
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Okay.
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So this is a really neat niche topic, right?
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So.
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You know, eating disorder recovery during midlife years.
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Um, there's so many things about this stage of life that I think are nuanced
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to the eating disorder recovery world.
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Um, I personally love treating clients in their 40s, I've worked with clients,
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really, up through that age group, and they're just so dear to me.
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Um, there's something about their lived experiences, their wisdom.
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Um, you know, they've been around the block a time or two, so to speak.
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They kind of know themselves in a different way than maybe, say, a 15
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year old who's coming for treatment.
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Um, so yeah, Lauren, I'm curious, what have you noticed maybe that sets treating
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this population apart from maybe an adolescent with an eating disorder or a
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college student with an eating disorder?
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Anything come into mind?
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Yeah, I think just kind of echoing even what you, you said that there is
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an element of greater intrapersonal.
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Insight or awareness.
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So intrapersonal being like relationship with self, then perhaps a 15 year old,
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a 16 year old, even a 25 year old, honestly, and I think a lot of that
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has to do with just the, um, biological component of a more developed brain, if
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you will, um, And so that adds an element of perhaps maybe greater depth up front
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that you can go, go into with, with, you know, an, an adult midlife client, um,
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um, you know, to, to a certain extent.
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So that's, that's kind of the first thing.
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That stands out to me.
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Um, um, you know, typically when I, I have a client that comes in to the room
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who's, yeah, in their forties has had this kind of lifelong eating disorder,
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maybe, um, there, there also is, Um, sometimes usually perhaps a level of
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like motivation and readiness to change that, um, is that can be exciting to
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work with, um, now that, and I don't want to overgeneralize too much by any
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means, you know, because we certainly, I certainly have teenage clients and young
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adults who are ready to change as well.
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And I think with the, you know, the lived life that they have and a few
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times there on the block that you said, um, um, adds a bit of fire under
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them, um, to, to live the rest of their lives in a more meaningful way.
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Um, so that, that is.
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That is something I notice as well with my clients in that age
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demographic with eating disorders.
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Um, and there are certainly some, some, some, uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
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Elements of, um, difficulty that come along with it as well.
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Um, clients who have had an eating disorder for longer, um, tend to be
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just much more entrenched in, um, Kind of enmeshed in, uh, you know, in,
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intertwined with those patterns and behaviors and beliefs and ways of thinking
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and, and that can sometimes be harder to dismantle and untangle and rewire.
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Um, um, so, um, there's, you know, obviously that element too.
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And, and, and, and, and.
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There is always hope.
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However long you've had an eating disorder, however old you are, um, there,
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there is always room and space for that rewiring and for that change and, and
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for you or whoever it is to, um, to start living a more meaningful life.
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Um, because the lie of the eating disorder is that, is that living
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with the eating disorder is the most meaningful and that's just not true.
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Um, so yeah, those are just some, some initial thoughts that come to mind.
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I don't know, what do you notice Laura?
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Yeah, I mean, so just to kind of tag off of what you're saying, I mean,
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yeah, what we call the neural pathways in the brain and the way that I explain
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this to clients that I've, I've worked with over the years is just this
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idea of it's a well traveled road.
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Right, so the longer we're in it, it's, it's not that we can't recover, but we've
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been down that road for many years, right?
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No matter what behaviors you've used and no matter what your
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presentation or diagnosis is.
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And so starting to like pave a new road in air quotes can be really tough and
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whether it's an eating disorder or OCD or, you know, a mood disorder, whatever
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we have going on, paving a new road.
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to reduce our behaviors is incredibly hard.
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Um, and if, especially if we've been using those behaviors for 30, 40 plus
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years, um, one of the things that I notice in this population that I really love
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working with is this idea of unlearning.
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And so when clients come to us, maybe for the first time, so some people in
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their forties or fifties have worked with a different provider and maybe have
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stopped treatment or, and then come back to treatment, or maybe we're, Getting them
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as a new client, and this is their first time working with a specialized provider.
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Um, and this idea of unlearning, and so, I know our generation, Lauren,
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has been more open to going to therapy and really unpacking our stuff.
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And, I feel like for people in their 70s, not that it's uncommon, but
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maybe it wasn't as acceptable or maybe it was a little bit more taboo back
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in the day than it is now, right?
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So a lot of our college students and even adolescents talk about therapy
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in a way that's more normative, in a way that's more, Um, more accepted.
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And so, yeah, we, we do this unlearning process in eating disorder treatment,
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especially really for any eating disorder, but especially for, for people
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and individuals that work with us that are in their, their midlife years.
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And just this idea of all the things that they've learned about food or
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their bodies that are unhelpful, um, and, and saying those things with a
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trusted professional and then having feedback around those things and.
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Starting to consider that maybe something else could be more helpful to believe,
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or maybe something else is true.
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I love watching clients go through that process.
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Um, so a lot of clients that I've worked with in their forties,
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fifties, sixties, you can kind of see it happen when we talk about it.
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But you know, if, if maybe somebody hasn't eaten breakfast for years and then all
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of a sudden they're like, Oh, I have permission to eat breakfast and maybe
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I won't have my daily morning headache.
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And.
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it just feels like this light bulb moment for them.
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Um, and so yeah, the unlearning is just such a, I think, crucial component of
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treating eating disorders in midlife.
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Um, that's been so special to me over the years working as a provider.
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Yeah.
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I, as you were talking, Laura, Um, I was just thinking about a client that I've
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had in the past and, um, her journey.
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Um, through, um, disordered eating recovery, body image work, breaking
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free from kind of chronic dieting.
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Um, all of that for us really kind of lives under the same camp, under
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the same kind of big umbrella.
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Um, we're, we're really approaching it and kind of treating it the
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same way as somebody who maybe has a diagnosable eating disorder.
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Um, and so, so this sweet client, um, we, we had a session where, where she, She
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had kind of had this light bulb moment in between our sessions and she came,
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she came back and she was like, you know, I've, um, she's just kind of telling me
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about her food experiences and, um, some of the self awareness she had been making.
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And she was like, you know, I think I, I've realized this week that I think I've
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really been fighting my body for so long.
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I've really been like fighting against what my body has been
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trying to tell me, which is.
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Like, Oh, maybe I'm actually still hungry.
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Or maybe I want this thing when I'm, you know, maybe I have these
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kinds of certain cravings or certain desires for food or whatever, when
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I'm like on my period and I'm just, I'm not listening to what it's saying.
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I've been, it was this like radical, like, Oh my gosh, I haven't been
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listening to my body and I can, I can listen to my body now.
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And it was just this moment for her of.
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Unlearning this thing and learning this new thing.
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And yeah, she's, she was in her later thirties, I think.
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Um, and so that was, like Laura was saying, it's, it's a, it's cool to see
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when that is actually happening with our older clients who have learned
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something so disordered for so long, have been living in that space,
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and then have a moment of, I can, that's, I can do this other thing.
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And that's actually.
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more functional, that's more authentic, that's more healthy, that's more, um,
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in line with what I want my life to be and the meaning I want my life to have.
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So that story comes up for me just like in terms of seeing that kind
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of play out in a session before.
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One thing that is kind of coming to mind with this unlearning just
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as you were talking as well, um, what we can see oftentimes in
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midlife is a deep shame, right?
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And shame typically is a part of any eating disorder diagnosis, right?
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No matter what the client's age is.
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But this shame around, oh my gosh, I don't have an eating disorder.
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I, you know, that's only for like, young girls or shame that I've
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struggled for so long with food.
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Like, why can't I just get it together?
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Why can't I just eat normally, you know, whatever normal is.
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So I think that's one piece to that.
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I see quite frequently in this population is just this deep rooted shame.
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that shows up, whether it's that they, they've bought into a myth that, you know,
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an eating disorder only affects a certain age group or certain socioeconomic status
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or whatever it is, um, or it's shame, kind of the twofold nature of this is shame
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that they've been in it for, for so long.
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And, and they know that, man, I've caused my loved ones quite a bit of pain.
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Um, and so this population can feel that shame on a deep level.
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And so being able to offer.
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A space to experience the shame and then release it can be just a really
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beautiful part of their treatment.
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Yeah, yeah, and piggybacking off of that, so shame being a common experience.
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population and eating disorder recovery, um, as well as, um,
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grief and, and a grief experience.
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And I, and I would say that with, with anybody recovering from an
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eating disorder, whatever your age is, there's, there is an element of grief.
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I mean, we, we probably should do a whole episode on grief.
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We could probably do a million episodes on grief.
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Um, um, but just the uniqueness of.
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middle age eating disorder recovery and the grief that comes along with that
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I think is important to maybe point out and name, um, because there, there
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are, and you know, I've just, I've experienced this with, with my clients
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in this demographic of realization.
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around what has been lost to the eating disorder, what, what life
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has not maybe been lived in the way that now you want life to be lived.
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Um, grief around relationships, um, grief, just really around what the eating
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disorder has kind of, robbed you of.
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Um, and so there's a whole element within the recovery process of
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grief work, grief processing.
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Um, and then, you know, there's typically always a grief experience and process
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within the kind of acceptance of releasing this ideal body that we have always
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kind of been striving for or hoping to have that within the recovery space.
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Maybe there's a realization that that doesn't exist because that
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actually isn't going to help me live a meaningful life or a life
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worth living or a life in my values.
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And so, so shame and grief, um, are also, you know, are, are pretty,
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um, Significant experiences that we've, I think we both find this.
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this age, um, has in the, in the recovery process, um, kind
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of throughout the process.
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Yeah, and one thing that you mentioned is letting go of this
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kind of idealized body, right?
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I think that especially for individuals in their midlife years, that can
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be really challenging, right?
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Because if you think about bodies that are elevated, right, in air quotes,
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typically they're, they're younger.
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Right.
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And they're, they have a certain look.
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And so I think even Like being allowed to age for, for all genders, but
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especially for, for women, right.
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Can just be something as you're working both on your relationship with food
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and then your relationship with body that can just be another kind of piece.
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of the, of the pie, so to speak, that we have to address of, you know, how,
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how do I embrace my, my aging body?
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And, you know, I, our culture teaches us that we have to do all of these things
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to like counter the aging process.
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Right.
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Um, and so that's another piece too that I think, especially in midlife,
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I'm talking about with clients.
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Right.
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So.
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What does it feel like to you to not only grieve and then to accept
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your body now, knowing that it will continue to change, right?
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Because my body has changed from my 20 year old body, right?
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And I'm in my mid 30s, and I know it will continue to change.
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And I have a strong foundation of therapy, but, um, You know, sharing personally, my,
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my hair has gone gray and now I dye it.
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So I'm not ready to go fully gray yet.
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Lauren knows this, but that, that has been hard for me.
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Um, I've always loved my hair.
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I have always had like almost.
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black dark hair and I've just always loved it and so that that can just be
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hard is seeing the grays and just kind of embracing oh my gosh I'm getting older
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and what is that what emotion does that cause in me and then what do I need right
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so oftentimes I'm able to work through that pretty quickly by telling Lauren
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or telling my best friend or my husband or whatever and getting some support
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in that way and that's just a really really small piece of the body image.
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You know picture, but I've experienced that too, and I don't necessarily feel
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pressure to dye my hair I'll probably make a decision at some point to like
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stop dyeing my hair It's quite expensive.
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It's time consuming and I love my hair girl shout out to Shelby, but
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Still it's it's this thing of like yeah, we're like not allowed to age
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especially as women And so that adds just another layer of complexity I
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think To healing body image, especially for individuals that are like 40 plus.
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Um, so that just felt important to, to
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note.
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Oh my gosh.
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I'm so glad that you named that.
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Um, I, I almost kind of forgot about that just in terms of our, our clients who
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are in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, forties, fifties, sixties.
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That is like, so their reality, like aging.
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I mean, that's all of our realities, right?
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We're all growing up.
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We're all.
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You know, getting older.
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Um, and then, and there's something about once you get into your 40s,
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I feel like we're, and we're both early, early thirties, mid thirties.
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Um, but it feels like there's something about getting into your
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forties that it's like the aging like really starts or something.
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I don't know.
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And so I'm just so glad that you named that because, um, I wonder too, if that
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is a component in our midlife clients.
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Eating disorder experience that is so influential in the eating disorder, being
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there and playing the role that it does play in their lives at that point, right?
20:48
Um, I was having a conversation with my mom and one of my cousins
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who I don't see a ton recently.
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And my sweet cousin, she's, she's in her twenties.
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Um, and she was asking my mom about how, if she dyes her hair, my mom does.
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And my mom is, you know.
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beautiful, beautiful.
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And it's funny, she has my hair on my, she has her mom's hair for sure,
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because she's like, if she didn't dye her hair, she'd be fully great.
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Which she would tell anybody.
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Um, and she's like, I'm just not, I'm not ready for that.
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I don't, I don't want, I don't want that.
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Um, and so my, I don't know why my cousin was asking, but we, then we
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were talking about aging and whatever.
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So I was just having a conversation about this the other day and my cousin,
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she's like, you know, aging, it's, it's.
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It's a privilege to age and I'm like, totally, and that's probably easier
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for us to say because we're not really like in the thick of it yet, right?
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And so just to, I think just to validate that that is such a real deeply kind of
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embracing aging is, it can feel like such a deeply counter cultural thing to do.
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Um, and so I'm really glad that you named that because yeah, I mean,
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it's, it's, it's You know, we're getting, we're, you and I are getting
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snippets of it here and there.
22:04
Like I've had a lot of lower back stuff.
22:07
You have, you know, your gray, your gray hairs, all the things, right.
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And, and so we're just going to keep tasting that and, and how
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are we going to embrace that?
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I think it's just a helpful question to be, continue to be curious about.
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So
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yeah, I think too, what I noticed about, you know, Really, a lot of our clients and
22:29
even my own self is and Lauren knows this about me, but I'm a dreamer and so I'm
22:34
kind of always thinking about what's next.
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So for our clients, sometimes in midlife, they may be that way.
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And then I think there's also this like longing.
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for their younger years or kind of reminiscing.
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And, um, so really the work that I try to do with myself is staying present.
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Right.
22:52
And so the same thing is true with our clients in midlife.
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It's like, Hey, we can long for younger years and we can reminisce.
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And how do we help you be present in this stage of life and, and work on.
23:05
At least body respect, body tolerance, maybe moving towards body acceptance,
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even if you don't have the body that you had when you were 20 or 30 years old and,
23:15
um, That longing I think is, is there.
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That's something that I find to be present with my clients in this, in this stage.
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So, yeah, and that's a normal part of the process, right?
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And, and it's okay to long.
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It's okay to maybe miss those years or grieve that maybe you, you don't
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have the body that you had back then.
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And, or maybe you're struggling with chronic pain or whatever it might be.
23:38
And how do I really work on being present?
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With my, with my current self.
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Um, and hello, I struggle with that.
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So, This is not me talking at you guys.
23:48
It's really, it's really just in me talking to myself.
23:53
So we're so glad that y'all joined for this episode.
23:58
You know, just we want to leave you with some homework, with an affirmation.
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So if you're in your midlife years.
24:05
We want you to know that you are so cared for and loved and that
24:10
you deserve appropriate treatment.
24:13
It's never too late.
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So that's the affirmation that I really want to leave with you.
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Um, but yeah, it's never too late for me to be deserving of appropriate care.
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Um, and, and we work with clients of all ages in the practice and Lauren and I,
24:31
And several of other of our clinicians have a really sweet spot for, um, people
24:37
in their midlife or even elderly years.
24:40
So thanks for joining today.
24:41
Lauren's going to follow up with some homework for y'all.
24:46
Yeah, I feel like I could give So much homework, but I won't
24:50
give you so much homework.
24:51
Um, so a couple things that have come to mind.
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Um, first of all, if you, whether you're midlife right now or anybody
25:01
who's listening, if you, um, notice in yourself, struggling in any way with your
25:09
relationship with food, with your body.
25:12
You've maybe invalidated your, your need for support.
25:17
And after listening to this, you feel some hope around getting support.
25:21
I want to challenge you to reach out to someone, um, find a local therapist,
25:30
preferably who maybe works with eating disorders, body image, disordered eating.
25:34
Again, if you're local to us, we'd love to We'd love to connect with you.
25:37
Um, but like Laura said, you, you deserve, you deserve treatment.
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You deserve support.
25:44
Um, and so, and so that's my first, my first thought, my first bit of homework.
25:50
My second, my second thought to leave you guys with today is, um,
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This idea of radical acceptance.
25:58
So go look it up, go Google it.
26:01
Um, it's, it kind of encompasses a few different things, but it's
26:05
this like radically accepting kind of where you're at now, present
26:09
moment being present with yourself.
26:11
Um, and so, um, if you're finding yourself in that midlife, stage, um,
26:17
maybe trying to implement where you can a practice of radical acceptance.
26:22
Um, and then there is a book that I'd love to encourage you all to, um, maybe try
26:30
and get your hands on or take a look at.
26:32
Um, it's this book called, I'm actually reading it right now.
26:36
It's not necessarily particularly related to eating disorders.
26:39
It's kind of a broad stroke on like, um, Um, our culture's pressure on
26:45
women to look and be a certain way, um, which I think we can kind of all
26:49
relate to as, as females in our culture.
26:51
So the book is called Beauty Sick.
26:53
Um, like I said, I'm reading right now.
26:55
It's really, really great.
26:57
So I think that could be a really helpful resource, um,
27:00
um, for anybody who's listening.
27:01
And then, yeah, for those of us mid age, who are finding that we want to,
27:06
we want to change our relationship with food and with our body, um,
27:10
that could be a helpful place to.
27:11
Maybe start.
27:12
So thanks Lauren
27:16
and thanks for being here y'all today.
27:18
See you next time.
27:19
Bye.
27:19
Bye