Latest / Hart & Hustle Podcast / The Real Power of Emotional Regulation in Young Men of Color | Barry Cooper
Transcript
- Efrain: Welcome back to another episode here on the Heart and Hunters Podcast, alongside Mr. Barry Cooper. Barry, where you located at, man, so people know exactly where you're representing. Barry Cooper: I am from Bedside, Brooklyn, New York. I call it a country. Efrain: So you you you must be excited, man. How was your weekend after New York Knicks win the championship? Let's just start there, my brother. Let's just start there. Barry Cooper: Well, well, well, well, first of all, E, let me say, nothing better than being on the dope podcast with you right now having this conversation. However, ⁓ Saturday night was the most amazing night. My next one ⁓ twenty-seven years since we've been to the finals, 53 years since we got a ring, and Saturday was my birthday. I turned 44 years old. So it was an amazing birthday gift I had Saturday night. Efrain: Yeah. Let's go. Barry Cooper: Right. Efrain: ⁓ you did you even sleep? Did you sleep? I I I felt like New York didn't sleep that night, man. Especially Mr. Barry. It's his birthday. New York's winning. Barry Cooper: New York New York has definitely been up for the last seventy-two hours losing our minds. Efrain: Listen, I was like, yo, you wanna party? Then they had Sunday, y'all had ⁓ the Puerto Rican Day parade. I'm like, y'all is lit. Barry Cooper: Puerto Rico de Foreign, Jose Alvarado and and ⁓ Westerlake came out. Let me tell you something. I was I was telling a friend of mine, I said, ⁓ this was the first time I seen grown ⁓ a bunch of grown men cry live on social media. I mean every place you went, you seen tears. Efrain: ⁓ man, it was just cool. And then if people really are tapped into that story of the coach, right? ⁓ Of the assistant coach. I mean, Bronson's father was part of the losing team back in the nineties. His son comes, not only gets the championship, but then MVP. ⁓ man, what a story. That just all the stories connected. Like it couldn't have been any better for the New York Knicks for sure, man. So they do it again next year, though, is a question. Barry Cooper: Yeah. Yeah. I believe they do. I believe they get a couple of more pieces to solidify things and I honestly think the way that ⁓ Jalen's mindset is, he got that Mamba mentality. So if if if they don't go, they definitely go on as far as they did. Yeah. Efrain: Yeah. Yeah, ⁓ man, I loved it. You know, people seeing him take control third and fourth quarter and just driving it in, bro. He's like, yo, we're gonna win this championship. You that that's a good leader, man. And and kind of putting us in the leader perspective, Barry, you're also an amazing leader, my brother. So can we talk about the organization that you lead in, man, and and the why behind it? Barry Cooper: Yes. Thank you. Yeah, no, absolutely. So I am the executive director and founder of the amazing organization, the Bro Experience Foundation, which stands for Brothers Redefining Opportunity. ⁓ and it's in that redefinition of self that we find our work and the why also. ⁓ the we we we work with young men of color in the world of wellness and mental wellness and helping them reframe and helping them learn how to emotionally regulate. And the reason why is because, you know. For far too often, ⁓ you know, in communities of color, young men of, you know, young men of color in particular, ⁓ have always had their narratives told for them, which they never really had spaces where they could be vulnerable. ⁓ and and through generations of those type of experiences, along with just trauma and oppression as it exists, we were never taught how to emote, how to express ourselves, how to feel and and be comfortable in those feelings. Which, you know, will you know, a as time go on and someone experiences those things, they begin to have mental challenges. ⁓ where they not only just second guess themselves, but the world that they want and the world that they deserve. They end they end up either self-sabotaging or need medical support ⁓ mentally from that from that those experiences. So as a young man myself, growing up and going through those things, I just wanted it to create a space where black and brown boys did not have to experience that. And if they did, they had a space that didn't judge them and didn't wait for them to go into crisis before we started to have conversations around what mental health or what mental wellness is. So in a nutshell, the broad experience ⁓ is and will forever be a space where young men could be authentic, brave, and connected to themselves and then also be change agents in their community. And I think that that is the nucleus and also the why we do it. Because we want to see young men thrive, bro. Efrain: I love that man and I actually want to go back a little bit 'cause you mentioned how you've never seen so many grown men cry. What is your thoughts on it, man? Like I I'm I it I love to actually see a man cry because it shows the human in us. What is your thoughts on it, bro? Barry Cooper: Yeah, absolutely, man. It it it definitely shows the beauty, but it also it shows how much we need to release, right? Like, you know, just utilizing the Knicks, you know, f for the example in in all fun, right? Like that was an experience that men, especially in New York, have been having wanting to win, wanting to feel like a a a a winning team and a winning culture. And when they finally did it, not only did the players who were on the court physically have these emotional moments. But those who have been a part of the journey who called the New York Knicks team, we've been having those bottled up feelings, that anger, that fight in this. And when it was all said and done, we instantly released. And it was a it was it was amazing to see the hugs, you know, the kissing, the the crying. And I think that that is what's needed in society, period, right? Like we need spaces where guys feel like they can emote and and and do it without judgment, man. Efrain: Yeah, no, I agree, man. I I I am the emotional guy. You know, I jokingly say sometimes, you know, I'm on my period as well. Like let me be, okay? I get a little emotional, you know what I mean? ⁓ and I remember thinking that crying was not okay, right? For whatever reason. I think it's just a stigma as we grew up. But now, Barry, you're in a place saying crying is okay. You're working with these young men of color. are do you see times changing? Do you see that they're more Barry Cooper: Mm-hmm. Efrain: open to emotion and to just kind of sharing their stories a little more. Barry Cooper: Yeah, you know, that's a really good question, man. I think that I see in the social media world more people having conversations about it. But on the flip side, what what I'm starting to see now is that young men are starting to medicate more to suppress. and it's still this notion that I don't have the space. To cry or to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. ⁓ you're gonna have feelings, you're gonna emote, but there's still this stigma and this notion that you cannot be, you know, authentic enough to, you know, just care about yourself and allow those things to just flow out of you. So yeah, we still got lot more work to do. ⁓ again, there's a lot of conversation around it. And oftentimes those conversations come up with the crisis is at its height, right? And and they and they just can't take it no more where they're releasing, versus what me and you were talking about, where it's just is. Like if you feel the sadness or if you feel the joy, you wanna release and cry, you know, it's it there's not a lot of men still comfortable with doing that. So that's why we wanna create these spaces where we normalize those things. Efrain: Yeah, I I think sometimes, man, and and correct me if I'm wrong here, the crying sometimes helps from a different action. I'll be very honest with you. early twenties, obviously dealing with trauma that I probably stripped under the rug, didn't notice. And I used to be that guy punching holes in walls, right? Get so mad. And ⁓ I just remember my wife telling me at that Barry Cooper: Mm. Efrain: We were just boyfriend and girlfriend at the time, but just saying, Man, like when you get mad, I don't even know who you are. You know, you become this monster. ⁓ and us knowing us, right? Who who else is better than us knowing us is I've like that's not who I wanted to be. That's not what I wanted to portray, especially to her or just to myself. ⁓ and had to realize that there was just a lot of things going on. So I think the more that I started to really share and be open and and sh you know, shed those tears that I didn't have to go that extra mile of losing it, right? Barry Cooper: And Yeah. I'm such some. Right. Efrain: ⁓ it's understanding that sometimes it was just tears, man. It it is something that you just had to let go. Am I wrong here? Did do you do you feel that that's exactly right? Barry Cooper: Yeah. Nah man, you are you are spot on. And I think ⁓ there was something that you said and this is something that we work with our young men about. It's just like you only knew what you knew. Right. So oftentimes what happens is is that we don't even have the vocabulary or the the the the the tools to be able to cipher what is the actual feeling, what is the thing that I'm actually going through. ⁓ and and we only ever know the one response, and that's because that's what the world has shown us. From TV to to to music. When when when something is not going right, you strap up, you go to war, you, you know, you you gotta be the hero. So the hero doesn't cry, the warrior doesn't shed the tear, right? They did they go and destroy, right? To get what they want. And ⁓ it's not until we understand, yo, like this is not really anger, this is sadness, and the behavior now might be. To destroy, but you actually just sad. And and and and when you're able to say that out loud, like, yo, I'm hurt, I'm sad, then you're able to say, Well, what now what what new behaviors that I want to to to exhibit in this feeling, not to change the feeling, because sometimes you gotta go through it. ⁓ so so in our work, brother, that is what we try to do. We try to give the tools and the language so that they can say it out loud, and when they are doing going through that process. Allowing them to find better ways to physically release the feeling. Yeah. Efrain: I love that. No, I mean you definitely put it in really good words. ⁓ how do we communicate that in a in a new time? You talked about social media, you talked about things just happening so fast, every every day is something new. How are we communicating that to our young men of color? Barry Cooper: Yeah, man, I think so so so Shameless Plug, the Bro Experience has a digital platform called www.bewellbro.org. So if nothing else, you can go there. We have a ton of articles and we try to engage people ⁓ from that standpoint. But ⁓ the the the other part is that you you know the internet and and social media is a is a vast tool. And you can find anything on it. So I often tell brothers like, you know, what Efrain: Love it. Barry Cooper: In your algorithms, make sure that you're looking up things that speak to wellness specifically. make sure you find someone who even is a motivational speaker. Like have that balance in your algorithm because there's gonna be a day where you you may try to source support digitally. And if you only have negativity, then that's only what you're gonna feed your mind, your body, and your spirit with. So ⁓ try to connect yourself digitally to ⁓ spaces that are positive. And then also be comfortable with find even finding apps, right? Like I tell young guys, like there's the calm app or better health, like use those apps that ⁓ where you can learn how to do meditation. you have positive affirmations that's popping up on your screen ⁓ each and every day. I think that those things are critical. Efrain: So I'm about put you in the hot seat in just a bit. But I'm gonna tell you that my algorithm, because I love wrestling, has been showing me a lot of not just wrestling, but what's happening in New York with y'all beating each other up. So I gotta change my algorithm, okay? Cause everything I'm saying is like, wait, New York is out here just I thought y'all just won. Why y'all so mad? Right. So I gotta change my algorithm. But it be like that, right? Because you love ⁓ MMA or cause you love ⁓ you know wrestling, it starts to show you stuff in the real world that Barry Cooper: Yeah, okay. I don't know. It does. Efrain: You just get caught up in, right? And you gotta change the mindset because it's all about the mind. It's what you're consuming. I'll tell you, Barry, there was a time in my life where I had to really mentally tap in. And I had to talk to myself differently. I had to listen to different music, listen to more ⁓ gospel. Because if you listen to this rap, I mean, I love Nas, I love DMX, I love MM. Those words that are coming in, bro, is not what we need at the time. So I say that all to say. Barry Cooper: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Efrain: Who's in your algorithm? Who is that motivational speaker? Who is that positive? So someone's saying, Well, Barry, I don't know. Barry Cooper: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So so in my algorithm, I'm definitely looking up things with positive affirmations. ⁓ one of my old time ⁓ spiritual ⁓ greats is T D Jakes or Miles Monroe. So they're they're often ⁓ pop it up in in my algorithm. And then I'm also, you know, I also try to find things that align with what I do. ⁓ other organizations, ⁓ or or don't inspiring podcasts ⁓ like yours where you know you take the time to be intentional about who you curate with who you have conversations with because those things are meaningful and we and we whether we want to believe it or not and it's something that we teach in our work your frequency is real you know like what you digest psychologically will impact your behavior like there's no two ways about it what you think Is what you do. How you feel is how you respond. So it's like if it even even going back to the the the the New York Knicks and it's fun, right? Like there's so many unhealthy people celebrating that in their excitement they destroy. Instead of just jumping up and down and caring and loving, the psyche gets so and and and over exerts itself that that's the only other thing that you do. ⁓ And and and those are things that we gotta start to heal from, ⁓ and and and really work out the way that we see ourselves and how we respond to things that happen to us. Efrain: No, no, you you you are so right. And the cliche sayings of ⁓ show me your five friends, I'll show you your future come from those moments, right? Like because and they were so cliche. You're in high school, you're like, yeah, whatever. But I remember having to go back to my English teacher and say, you know what? And speaking to the students, when she said that to me, it was a joke. But I seen it happen in my own like with friends that just were in the wrong crowd and end up having to do prison time. Not because that's who they were. Barry Cooper: Who Yes. Efrain: But who they surrounded themselves with, right? And that and they would just at the wrong time, wrong place. So I love that we say that, man. What are some of the program that you guys are are putting out there in the community for those that maybe watching and listening? Barry Cooper: Yeah, so we have ⁓ a number of different programs. We try to ⁓ as much as we we deal with what is, we try to be a pre a prevention based organization. So one of our biggest programs we have is ⁓ our little bro experience where we work with young men of color from ⁓ third to about from seven years old to about thirteen. ⁓ and we support them through literacy, and and just teaching of character development ⁓ through the form of C B T. Another program we have is for 18 to 24-year-old young men. That's primarily that happens in ⁓ the bedside area of Brooklyn, where we identify a housing development and we lock arms with a conglomerate of young men from 18 to 24, we take them through a 10-month program. We call it the rights of passage, but it's rights of passage through cognitive behavior therapy and critical consciousness. So by the time they're done with our program, they have a full understanding psychologically. on how to reframe, how to deal with things that may come up. And then they also understand the systems that they have been a part of that they didn't actually be a part of that create the conditions and ⁓ sometimes impact the way that they do show up in the world. ⁓ we do touch points with fathers throughout the year where we have like forums and engagement with dads because in Brooklyn and I'm pretty sure this is happening across ⁓ different states, but there's a a silent epidemic of a lot of single fathers out here. Who are 18 to 30, who are struggling with navigating what fatherhood is, because they struggle with navigating how to take care and understand themselves. So, you know, those are some of the programs that we do have. And then the space that I'm in right now is the Bro Space Wellness Center. So this is the space where yoga, meditation, ⁓ my staff is working out of. It's a physical space where young men can come and get resources and the supports that they need each and every day. Or if they just need somewhere to just come and hang out and just to get away from things, they have the space to ⁓ that is open for them to come and just be without questions. We got a ton of snacks, ⁓ food for them here, ⁓ and and and it's almost like a small little yo utopia for ⁓ young men in in Bedside Brooklyn. Efrain: I love that. How how did this all ⁓ come about? Like how old is the organization and how this all got started? Barry Cooper: Yeah, so the organization, ⁓ June fourth is now six years old. ⁓ and it came about, I think ⁓ it to to deepen the why. I, you know, was the dean and director of culture for Eagle Academy. ⁓ I've had the privilege of working in so many different spaces and institutions where I was working with young men as a facilitator and or curriculum designer. And one of the things that I realized is that I had the privilege of Going into these spaces and creating meaningful impact. But two things happened. One, when I would leave, I would leave those young men in those conditions. And every time I came back, I felt like I was like peeling back scabs that were just reheating, regrowing. So that was one thing that used to kind of like grind me. Like I I just could not take that. And then the other aspect is I just felt like a lot of adults are so apathetic around black and brown boys. ⁓ when they get a certain age or they look a certain way or You know, that nine, that seven-year-old little cutie pie that you had is now fifteen and he's towering over you, he becomes a threat. So I just was like, yo, we need something better. They deserve more. And they deserve a space that's not gonna judge them. They deserve a space that's gonna actually give them the tools of life so that that way people can sometimes not see them as a threat, even though I think they still would. But if they had the tools, they'll know how to deal with it. And that's how we birthed the organization. I was just like, you know what? I I I'm gonna create that utopia. I'm gonna create that space that's authentic, brave, and connected. And it's gonna be a ripple effect throughout ⁓ generations. And in the last six years, we've been able to service over 500 young men with direct services, and we're gonna keep growing that. Efrain: What did you learn on the journey? I mean, I can imagine there's a lot, my brothers, starting something from nothing and and especially the nonprofit world, the funding, the storytelling. There's a lot of different hats that you're wearing. Barry Cooper: Yeah, man. So the the idea the first thing I learned was nonprofit entity is definitely not an easy business structure. especially coming from like a for profit consultant space where you just name your price and people want it, they take it, and that's that. the nonprofit world, you know, it has to be a situation where you inspire people to join the mission and vision, whether they are your staff and or people who are given to the work. And what I've Efrain: That is true. Barry Cooper: learned quickly is that supporting young men of color and mental wellness is not sexy. Right? It go against the grain of or what people can even comprehend. And and they just want black boys to do well, not tear society up. And if they do, they got a place for them and that's called prison. So I'm also disrupting something, a system that has been designed for us to go to, unfortunately. So when it comes when it came down to like creating this mental wellness space, People were like, ⁓ you're not career readiness. ⁓ you know, you're not vocational. And I'm just like, no, we're not. We're not a workforce readiness. This is not necessarily a mentorship program. We're dealing with emotions and we're dealing with the mind. And they can't grasp that. That's what that's what young men are experiencing. But over time now that because we stay steadfast over the last six years, I'm we're starting to see more people like, ⁓ this does work. This actually is good. Maybe we need more people with it. So I think what I've learned also is the beauty of just staying still and not compromising the work, which I see so many nonprofits do because they want to just make money. What what I learned is that if you just stick with the plan and you stay focused on what you're doing, people will start to come along. And we're starting to feel that momentum for our organization. Efrain: Yeah man, you gotta stay p patient, consistent, and continue to build those ⁓ relationships, man. Relationships matter more than ever. did you have your relationship with your father? Is that how like or did this also come through some trauma as well where you wanted to be something you didn't have? Barry Cooper: Absolutely. I think ⁓ definitely had my dad in my life and and took in all the good and all of the bad. sometimes the bad for me ⁓ outweighed the good, but there were tools that he taught me about being a man that I use today that you know those tools I could use. And then there was also ways about him that growing up when I seen and experienced, I made sure that I went to therapy myself. So I didn't have to repeat those cycles. ⁓ you know just dealing with aggression, feeling like I needed substances to keep me calm and all those things that he had to experience. Seeing him go through it just made me not want to be that person. And then also being a great listener. ⁓ I think that he struggled ⁓ with hearing the whole truth about some of his his experiences, which you know, you know, forced him to be a person that's in denial and I was a truth seeker. So I always wanted to be in a space where I wanted to hear what was, whether I liked it or not. And I think that that those things follow me through my life now. I love him to death. we have a great ⁓ relationship now. ⁓ you know, he always calls me his superhero and I'm the son who got it. ⁓ and I just, you know, learned how to give him grace because he didn't have the tools that I have. You know, he didn't have access. So instead of operating from a place of hate or judgment. Efrain: I love Yeah. Barry Cooper: You know, I try to get my dad as much grace as possible. Efrain: I love that. I am thirty six years old now, more than ever, realizing that with my mom. ⁓ I think I told you I was adopted and she had seven kids and of course, you know, as we're young, we don't get it. But we have our own kids, we go through life and then she was one that didn't really share her story often. So now at thirty six years old, really realizing more of her story and give her so much grace. And I think I told you her thing that she told me was like, I'm sorry for Barry Cooper: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, ⁓ Yeah, it's on ⁓ something. Efrain: you know, how life kinda played out. I everything was never intentional. ⁓ I always did the best I could with what I knew. And kinda to what you said, Barry, is like same thing with your dad. But here we are in places where we're sharing more information. You know, ⁓ you mentioned therapy. That is not a sexy word when it comes to, you know, men of color. What made you want to do that? And what was your your outcome? Barry Cooper: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man, I think ⁓ finally going to school and ⁓ when I went to college, ⁓ one of my first courses was ⁓ sociology. And ⁓ I started to realize how the environments that we grew up in will impact our psychosocial responses. ⁓ and then also having the privilege to work in different settings around at that time they called it restorative justice. And I was just like, well, why the hell do we have to restore something that Has been designed for us to destroy. You know, like so I often see people being apologetic for behaviors that they were suppressed into. And I was just like, nah, this can't be it. Right? Because you can't restore if you're not psychologically dealing with the trauma that you are experiencing. So it just kind of like took me on a deep dive of like wanting to understand the mind, the body, and the soul. And then I said to myself, well. You can't do this work if you're not healed. ⁓ because then all you're gonna do is create spaces where you're trauma bond. So I I went into therapy. and you know, at first it was just like, ⁓ I'm gonna go to therapist and learn how to become a therapist. But as I was in it, I learned how to create the tools for myself to deal with the things that I was I was masking, ⁓ which was the greatest gift that I think I've ever given myself. Efrain: I like that you said and I wrote it down just in case you you I forgot because I'm very forgetful. ⁓ mind, body, and soul. And that's another such a cliche saying, but it is so true, bro. You got to take care of your mind, your body, and your soul. And that is having the, you know, understanding when you have to walk away, having to understand when, you know, the emotions could you could let the emotions go. Barry Cooper: Mm-hmm. So Yeah. Efrain: ⁓ you know, there's so many different things that to find that mind, body, and soul. I ask you Barry, what are those things outside of the passion and purpose that that Barry does of of fertilizing the future? What keeps you leveled? What is that thing you go to that keeps you peace? Barry Cooper: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think ⁓ I'm a so so so speaking of the soul, I also think the soul is that frequency that we talked about. So I'm a musician, so I think ⁓ a lot of times when I get overwhelmed, you know, I I go and I I grab my trumpet, sit in the house and and play the horn. That's kinda like one of my hidden s my hidden ⁓ talents that I have that I don't really share with the world too much. I kinda keep it in house. And then I think I'm blessed to have such a dynamic family. You know, I'm a father of three. so oftentimes when I'm not working. I'm with my children. I'm with my wife. ⁓ they really rejuvenate me. they really pour into me ⁓ outside of my work. ⁓ so so if it's not me at home playing music, ⁓ yeah, man, I I I I I get to play with my five-year-old boy, August, or even talk to my 28-year-old son Emil ⁓ as he's navigating life with three children of his own. ⁓ and then I, you know, I got a beautiful 19-year-old daughter. So, you know, they they they spare different decades of my life and I'm able to lean in on them and they they pour into me. ⁓ and they rejuvenate me a lot, more than I even give them credit for. So they're my source, bro. ⁓ they are all the reason why I am the man I am today. ⁓ they give me the ability to always reframe and reshape because I want to be the best version of myself for them. And and I think that that is where, you know, that's what keeps me going. Like I always say I want August to have, you know, really good, healthy friends at a f as a five year old boy. And I just create that world for him. You know, like the bro space is his. When he comes. In the bro space he a he's able to, you know, bring play dates here and hang out with his with it with the other five year old boys and they get to run around. So I'm creating that utopia for him so that no one else can take it from him. Efrain: Yeah. Barry Cooper: ⁓ so that that's what keeps me going. Efrain: I love that. You said your son's five, my daughter's five. Were we both bored during the pandemic? Is that what happened? Or I love it. ⁓ Barry Cooper: Yeah. We was we were birthed in a lot of things. I was I was birthed in a non profit and I gave birth. Efrain: That's funny. No man, ⁓ it it is really cool ⁓ being a father. ⁓ for me it's very different because I am reliving trauma. And I think ⁓ we don't realize that as fathers that we relive a lot of the trauma and mental health is so key. ⁓ you know, I still think about it. Like I went five years ago, believe it not, actually I had my first child, and I still think about it because it was such an experience for me and not a bad experience. And I I wanna share this because there's other men probably listening. Barry Cooper: Thanks. You don't know. ⁓ it's funny. Efrain: Is that I I remembered the first one, it was a no for me. It was a virtual, she just wasn't in it and at time that I really needed it. And then the second time I went, I actually went in person and it just felt so good. Like you she was just asking questions and I ha I had all the answers in me. I just had to sometimes you you don't n you gotta hear it a certain way for you to think a certain way, right? Talk about the mindset. We don't know what we don't know. So I actually appreciate that you were open on that to kind of share that information. ⁓ Barry Cooper: Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, facts. Efrain: We had a lot of fun here, you know, just talking about a lot of different things. But to be serious, it is representation matters, Barry. You know what I mean? We we gotta be for those that what we wish we had. Barry Cooper: Yes Yes no no one no one great. No one great. think you you need you need you need a mind you need a mindset and and and everyone has a team right around them whether you you you want to get healthy, right? You want you got to you gotta have a chef or ⁓ a cooking plan. You wanna have a a a great jump shot, you gotta get a shooting coach. You want a the nice physique, you gotta get a trainer. So if all of those things exist for you to become better, because you get you got to get a mind coach. You got to get a mental health coach. Right. Like don't look at him, don't look at him as a therapist and and and and have a negative stigma around therapy, meaning that you only have to be in crisis. No. You need it so that that way you don't have crisis situ ⁓ situations. And then if you do, you know how to deal through them. Not deal with them because things are gonna happen. You're gonna know how to deal through them in a way that does not allow you to destroy what you say you love and sabotage. What you're supposed to be protecting. ⁓ and those things are critical. So every once in a while, go to a therapy. And therapy could look different. Right now, I have an executive coach who has a background in psychology, right? So I get to learn how to be a leader. And when I have those fears that come up, she's able to speak through those things for me. And then I'm able to become a better leader because that's the area that mentally weighs on me every single day. If I didn't have that, Efrain: Mm. Barry Cooper: I want to come here, take it out of the staff, lose relationships, isolate. So all of those things are critical, man. So therapists, therapy is comes in different forms, and men need to know that. So it's just like you can get therapy in your leadership program. You can get therapy from having a tutor, all of those things help. So just make sure that you're going through the process that you need for yourself. Efrain: Mm-hmm. I was gonna say my therapist is when I go get a haircut, but you ain't got no hair on top of your head, so I mean ⁓ Okay. ⁓ so you know. You know, you know. Yeah. Barry Cooper: Well well yo check it bro like I was a barber. I owned a barbershop at 22 and that was another reason in the why, right? Like so I I I have a book out called The Provide of God for Co-Parents and Dads. And it is literally telling the journey of my story as a barber and a young father, but that's why that's why I hold the skills to create space for men. ⁓ it was through the barbershop seeing from nine to ninety-nine. Efrain: Let's go. Barry Cooper: all of this generational trauma and I'm like, damn, everybody got the same story? You know, and and and and to that point, yes, a barber is that I I honestly think that barbers need to go to school for life coaching. That forty five minutes can change your life if you get the right person. Efrain: Yeah. Yeah, I tell my barber all the time, man. Like there's so many times where I'm going through life. I mean, and I'm able to just vent. He listens, he'll give me his I mean, I just had ⁓ a little bit of conversation with my barber about relationship and where I was in my relationship and all this other stuff. And I'm getting mad at my barber. I'm like, man, but he was so right, right? He you know, he wasn't taking sides, but he was from a man to man perspective, someone that's ⁓ some s seeing it from the outside, someone that's r lived it as well, a little older than me. Just sharing wisdom, man. And at the end of it I look good. So of course my head is bigger than that, you know what it is. So Barry Cooper: So pretty well. Absolutely. Yeah, he said he he he he he sculpts you, right? He shaped you, he shaped your mind and he shaped your body, right? Like what hand in hand. Efrain: Yeah, you already know. I'm clean. I'm clean. Yeah. Yeah, I tell them all the time, man, that the work that you guys do, it it's a lot. 'Cause even for them, they they also gotta take in those stories and digest those stories as well, right? For me, it's and for you, Barry, is that we listen to these stories as well and I have to tell my wife that it's like people think what we do of just talking to people becomes easy, but it's a stories that we also gotta intake that kind of mentally we got to also learn how to Barry Cooper: Mm-hmm. No. Efrain: leave that at the door or leave it at work all those different things. Barry, how are you going through life, listening to all these stories of different people, traumas and all these different things, going through your own things, but then having to shut it off to go be dad at home? What are those things looking like? Barry Cooper: Yeah. Yeah, man. So I I I definitely don't s try to shut it off. ⁓ if it's heavy, you know, before I go home I'll let my wife know, like, hey, I need to decompress. So I'll just sit in the space, listen to some, you know, meditation music and or listen to something positive and lay on the couch here in the bro space and and give myself that forty five, thirty minutes, however long I may feel before I enter the space with my family. ⁓ Because you know, like like use an analogy of the barbershop, you don't want the old hair to to to flake off into the house. So I don't want those experiences because they don't deserve that to impact ⁓ who they are. But if it gets real heavy, I definitely have outlets of people who I can reach out to, who I express those things to. ⁓ and then when I'm able to articulate, you know, what's happened, what I'm feeling, then I go home and I talk to my lady about it. Like, hey, this is what's happening. Efrain: Mm-hmm. Barry Cooper: is what I experience and I get a perspective as well. But yeah, I don't yeah, I try my best to decompress every single evening before I engage you with my family. Efrain: I love that. Barry, as we start to wrap up, man, there's a young Ephraim, a young Barry listening, and they just need some words of wisdom. They think that that they they can't, that they're not good enough. ⁓ maybe they're going through something. What are those words of encouragement you give somebody? Barry Cooper: Yeah, man, I would say that whenever you are feeling a doubt of self and whatever it is that you're experiencing, find a circle of positive people and positive energy to pour into you. ⁓ understand that wherever you are, whatever you're going through, there's probably two sides to it, ⁓ that experience. And some of it you can't control, but what you can't control is how you want to respond to it. And and if you don't have the tools, again, lean in on that circle who can support you through that process. Don't do it by yourself. Don't do it in isolation. Know that you need others. Efrain: Love Love it. And if people wanna know more about what you guys are doing, give us a website. What is the socials? 'Cause you might just be the first people that they wanna look in and find. Barry Cooper: Absolutely, absolutely. So ⁓ we have we have two websites. It's ⁓ the organization website is www.thebroexperience.org. ⁓ we can get all of the information, sign up to our mailing list and access our work. ⁓ and then we also have www.bewellbro.org, which is a wellness website where you can get cool insights, articles, engage with people. we have a whole community of brothers who are seeking wellness. on that website. So you can go there and then all the social media platforms are the Broad Experience Foundation. ⁓ yeah, check us out and ⁓ we will love to to create space with you. Efrain: Barry, it's been a pleasure, man, to find out who you are, the journey that you've taken to get here and the work that is still to be done. ⁓ because it looks like you you ain't slowing down any time soon, man. You just turned 44. You you still got a lot to go, man. You still got lot to go. Guys, if you guys want to continue to tap in, make sure you guys follow Barry on all socials. Go to their websites as well. Continue to I like I truly enjoy these conversations. So if you guys are enjoying them, make sure that you guys do like, subscribe, and comment. Barry Cooper: Yeah, we got we got some sound. Efrain: Because these are real people telling real stories that are really trying to just make impact in their own communities by the storytelling, by showing up every single day, meeting people where they're at. And I think there's nothing like it. So Barry, we thank you for being here on the Heart and Hustle Podcast. I'm Ephrain. This is Barry Cooper. We'll catch you on the next one. Latest.