Latest / Stacked Intent: Your Guide to Authentic, Intentional Living / How Fathers Can Be More Present and Build Healthier Family Relationships

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How Fathers Can Be More Present and Build Healthier Family Relationships · Stacked Intent: Your Guide to Authentic, Intentional Living

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Bethesda Most of the Time running to each episode of your ways because I'm not ways you can be all finished and stuff you'll finish each episode motivation to look like more often.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: I learned how to make glue meeting relationships on these finances and I can each join a long way.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: Talk about the real aspects of life.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, relationships to finance and tradition, of course, just exercise for all topics that we will discuss a lot of people.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: Before we get into that workout, we'll be challenged and motivated and encouraged to be podcasts.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh well, um I am the son of five.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um raised uh my parents in South Carolina and North Carolina.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Most of my youth time and high school years was spent in South North Carolina, was uh raised with my grandmother also in the house to basically have three parents around uh helping raise uh five boys.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh graduated high school, have a degree uh in business administration and economics.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've been working in the rural educational uh industry for 41 years.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm married and loved my life with Amy Techow, and we have three lovely children that are very involved in life and uh allow us to tag along a lot of times.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: Today we hope that you might kind of glean some kind of intentionality of life.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: So we're gonna kind of look at the roles with a healthy relationship that can play out.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna look at the way that a father can be involved day to day.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna look at what the importance of traveling looks like, and we're gonna look at the importance of books and reading together and independently can look like as well.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: So let's start with what do you see as a healthy relationship that can be played?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: What are some of the roles that are healthy relationships?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, a parent-child relationship, uh any relationship takes good communication.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you don't start with uh listening and uh allowing yourself to understand what you're being told and then making sure you're clear about your own intentions, uh, it's hard to have any relationship.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Brutal honestly, honesty is not what really what I'm talking about, but it's more that just open and honest and uh and and have fair play, fair-minded kind of real um intention toward those relationships.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: So having this clear-minded communication, how do you establish it as a parent?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: How do you start teaching children from a young age, or how did you teach us a clear communication path?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's a good question.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one, you gotta be aware, you gotta be around uh and you and and and to begin that process of having conversations uh and seeing conversations, open conversations, honest conversations uh between say a mom and a dad in front of the front of children.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh were um I the the other is is you you gotta be there, you gotta be around, you gotta be involved.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Something that uh your mom and I uh embraced long time ago.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we were we were working in the youth of the church that we were going going to the time in Sanford, North Carolina, and uh you you kind of learn a lot by watching youth and the parents that are involved, and there were a uh a brother and sister that were in our group, and we were always so impressed with these kids.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so one day we asked the couple uh what they thought they did that really uh made a difference.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just a side note on that, that's what I would always suggest pay attention and then ask people.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And the dad uh gave us the best advice that we have tried to live by over the years.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: He said, um, do not rush any part of life, you know, every stage that child your child goes through, embrace it and enjoy it, even if you're in the terrible twos, don't rush it.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure that you because once you've gone through that time, it's gone.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So don't don't let that happen.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And we tried our best to do that, to be involved and and to just appreciate the moment you're in as you're growing up.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that sort of helped us.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was maybe more of an impact on us, and maybe it was uh the children growing up, but it was more of us not rushing the moment and wishing something would get by too quickly.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: So, would you say that that contributes to having that healthy relationship playing a role of looking at each stage as finding maybe the silver linings or the good parts and not not just dreading those the stages?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, well, and even the points that are tough, I mean, there is a lot to be learned.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: You learn a lot how people react even when situations get tough.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and one thing we observed a long time ago, you watch a child at whatever age, and if you pay attention, later in life, you sort of see attributes that same um, you know, whether they're aggressively wanting to get things done, or they're really passive and laid back kind of thing, or you know, certain things upset them.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's just that opportunity to learn and grow and try not to push it through too fast or push it aside.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that only happens if you're involved.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And uh when when y'all came along, we were both very heavy into our careers, and we really had to work at those opportunities and not let time pass by that we weren't involved every stage, even now with adult children.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, y'all are bless us by not minding when we're involved in what you're doing, because that's kind of what we've done uh since we started our relationship.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: So, do you think sometimes it be the role that is played starts at the infant stage?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: In all honesty, mom allowed me.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I I read to you before you were born.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: We kind of had this thought that you know, to hear my voice, um and and I just think it makes a difference.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, I mean I I think it starts, and you cannot, I mean, obviously you can't treat an infant or even a child like an adult.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you have to take that into account, but you don't you you want to also make sure you're you're communicating in a way that um they're always growing uh and becoming more because that's those impressionable years.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's when I mean you know the brain's a lot like um concrete, you know.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Early on it's wet and malleable, and you can do things with it, but as we age, it gets hard.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes if you're not careful, you get things ingrained early that uh later may create challenges.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um you know, we later if we talk about travel, if we talk about uh the time that you spend together is making sure there's a purpose.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, one, just to get to know and and know how you're gonna live together as you get older, and then you know, also uh those opportunities that you expand and grow your minds.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: So some other roles that can be played as a father in a healthy relationship as a provider.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: How do you see fathers as providers within their family?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: And why would it be important?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, well, one thing in life it's real and it's expensive, and uh you you you gotta be able to do the things that you want to do.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, though, you're doing that one.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've talked a little bit about career or jobs, is finding the job that you love to do that also provides adequately so that you can take care of your your your children and take care of your family.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um but that's just kind of an ongoing process all the time of making sure you're just not in a job, not in a career, because it it'll show up.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yes, I do believe that is our responsibility to be involved.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've always said that you know, anytime we're involved in something, it's an investment.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that investment, uh, if it's if it's money or if it's time or if it's uh any kind of resources that you have, that investment you hope is growing that individual.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh when I'm talking about the individual, the child, um, or any family member or anyone, quite frankly, uh, making sure those investments are truly something that'll come back and uh come back in rewards, not always cash or you know monetary, but that are coming back.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: You see growth, you see uh others that will pass that along.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, I do think that that is our responsibility.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um and as I've told told you often, because when I get old and feeble and can't take care of myself, my hope is that you return the favor, and at some point we all become, if we're lucky enough to have our parents a long time, you do get the opportunity to flip that role where you are actually providing and helping the parent.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I just think that's an important what what we're supposed to be about.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: So being a provider, it kind of once you can teach it to your young children, it's hoping that one day that can flip.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: And in that sense, when you talk about that, some I've had lots of international friends and they view that role so differently than we do here.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: And that's talking about that is they see their parents, they provide, they go do some really awesome things in life.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: But when it comes time to their when their parents need some help or they're gonna need them back, they are ready and willing to go back to their country to be the providers for their parents as they age.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I thank you.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I I I kind of purposely didn't go there at that, but you are correct.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't want to make too big a general, but unfortunately, we we're we're losing or lost some of that in our country.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as I said earlier, my grew up with my grandmother in the house.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: To me, that was a natural thing.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: She had she needed a place to go to be taken care of.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Her husband had passed away, and her children were all gone.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um, my dad, and it was my mom's mom, so you know, he was willing to take her in as a part of her family, which it helped the family, especially with five boys.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: But then again, for you know, it's just that relationship.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: You you've talked about that so often about it is about the relationship.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I think it's sad when we lose those opportunities to um to grow with that knowledge and and that experience that's right there in front of us, and sometimes we sort of put it off.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think some of our retirement facilities have gotten too big when a lot of times we could be spending more of that time with those folks, but uh so it's kind of learning how to be a provider and how to be a provider as a parent.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then while you're doing that, you're also modeling and using a model to show how you do that to children.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's just it's just about our purpose.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: You're using it's a social learning theory that gets used of what you're modeling is what becomes what children learn.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, what about teaching kids how to be a leader or being the leader in a family?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: How do you see that as a father's role or as important?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, leadership's one of my favorite subjects.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, whether it's job or whether it's you know what you do in the community to help make make things happen or whether you know it's uh in the home.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, um we we gotta have more people that are willing to step up and and serve in that role of being a leader.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um but but to be able to get there, you've got to give people the opportunity to make decisions, uh, starting with with a child at an early age to help them make those decisions and not always make it for them and say, here, just do this.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: But allow them, and sometimes you gotta allow them to fail and know what those consequences may felt feel like.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't mean you know dangerous, I don't particularly want someone to get burned, but sometimes you gotta burn to understand, oh, that does hurt, or you know, so um it's it's it's just an ongoing process to allow people to to make their own decisions.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I um it gets to be very lethargic if if you don't, because if you're just always waiting for somebody else to make it, or if you find too easy a way to make decisions, um and that's just what leadership is about.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Though those folks who find themselves leading usually is because they're willing to make a decision and live with their decision uh and and to continue to hopefully do what's best uh for those involved.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: So how do you think you teach that to a kid in the best way?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: How do you think kids you teach kids to make decisions and be okay with the decisions that they're making?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, even when they don't work.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um I usually believe that because I'm I'm involved in quite a quite a few decisions on a daily basis, and you always make your decisions, and some decisions are very permanent.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Some are, oh, that didn't work.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Say that didn't work, and then come back, ref, you know, fix it and move on.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes you just gotta be willing to make it.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: The worst decision is not making a decision and just letting anything happen.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I I you make decisions, you're never gonna be batting 500.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're you're gonna you're gonna be below that, you're gonna be always working with it.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: But um, I guess it goes back to and and going kind of getting back to your question of you know, how do you develop a child that way is that you're not alone, you're not an island.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and sometimes you've got to be able to get opinions, um, and sometimes it's your responsibility, and you can't let somebody else make that decision.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: But getting opinions and thought right or wrong to help you understand, experience those that are around you.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, a parent's role should be let me tell you my experience, but you can't live my experience.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can only tell you what my experience was, um, and tell you where I would have done it differently, but you do have to be willing to make your own decision.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I and and going back to the and a lot of times being to me, make make for me to make good decisions, I have to get myself out of the way.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of times it's not about me, it's about what it does for somebody else or other people, and being able to keep myself out of the out of the loop of saying what's best for that other person, am I willing to make that?
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it goes back to for that child see you to make those kind of sacrifices for them of saying, This is what's better for you, but sometimes not just because that's what the child wants and help them make the decision what is best for them.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: As a father, whether you sign up for it or not, you're in a teacher role of how you teach your children or guide them, whether you're there or not.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: So, discipline and accountability.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: How is discipline something that's important to teach children in that father role in a healthy way?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Not a fear of discipline, but a healthy relationship with discipline.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: How is that something that's taught from the father role?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, discipline in the sense of understanding that in order to grow and develop and to be successful, you have to be able to have the discipline yourself to know when you need to to keep yourself focused on what you're doing.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um my dad always said, if you give somebody your word, I'm gonna do this.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: You do everything you can to keep your word because that's all you have in the end, is what people will believe.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's hard when you're really busy, but to be able to discipline yourself enough to say um either one, don't make commitment if if you know you can't, but and just and do it just to say it, but to to have that discipline.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, discipline in a sense of correcting someone and getting them um to understand the point.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and it's you know, sometimes it does take physical, but it takes a gentle physical uh reminder of hey, this was not what you you should intend to do.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is what we need to change uh in that way, and making sure you're clear about that.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it does take you you gotta play that, I guess, tougher role.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And there's many ways.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, to make sure that someone gets that point.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if if they lose some sort of freedom or if they um um have to go and repair something that they may have um, you know, you you just can't blow it off.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to give them that opportunity to grow in those moments.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I can think of many a moment that I may have let get go with you all just because of convenience, but even inconvenient, um we always had the the the thought, you know, we've taken y'all with us to a lot of places and took you into some a lot of restaurants when you were really little.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and it's hard work uh sometimes, and sometimes discipline occurs in moments that seem uncomfortable, but if you don't do that as a child gets older, and you know, if you don't start that early, and then all of a sudden in their preteens, and okay, let's go to a restaurant, and you didn't raise, you didn't grow up in that way without that that the that disciplinary growth before, you're not gonna all of a sudden know how to act, know what to do.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: There's one thing that you said, and it was that it's putting out the expectations.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: As well.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: So with the discipline, it's also knowing that you're being disciplined because you didn't meet this expectation.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: You're using a restaurant as an example.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't meet the expectation that you were going to sit there and you weren't getting up and running around all over the restaurant disturbing everyone else's food, or but you were going to sit here and enjoy the meal today during the conversation.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that that's the big thing when you're talking about discipline.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's yeah, here's the consequence, but this was your expectation.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because you go it goes back to the very beginning, communication.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to communicate to the point in a way someone understands at whatever stage they are to understand that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you are right, you got to set that expectation and then recognize it when you make, don't just discipline when they don't, but also go, good job.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: We got we got we got what we were trying to do.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't want to go overboard with rewarding somebody for doing what they were supposed to do, but if they don't, it goes back to what you just said, you met the expectation.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's keep growing.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_02: What's that can just come with that?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for doing this.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't have to come with you get an ice cream cone because you set it for dinner.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's a verbal communication of it.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: So you do have three different kids.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: Do you believe and you were raised in a house of five boys?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: Does discipline work the same way for every every kid, every situation?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it different?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, sometimes you can it don't matter what you do, the the it is a challenge to get the point across, and I'm not going to point out anybody particular.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then there are those that are all you gotta do is look at them, give them that right eye, and next thing you know, oh they're gonna they straighten up.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it it yes, it is amazing to grow to raise three three children.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: You think you raised them all the same as you did, they came from the same two people, and they can't be more different in so many ways.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, I you know, but I'm proud of my I I'll brag on uh three children that are right now out.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: They they they dreamed.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um as always our goal is to say, hey, what is it you want to do?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to become?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to enjoy?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And try to give y'all that opportunity to do those things you wanted to do.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're watching you now, all three of you, just aggressively going after careers that are different.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they're they're all across the board, different, and but just exciting.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just fun to watch and uh sit here and be a part a part of what you're doing.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, with that, how do you think you are an encourager as a father?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: How does being an encourager work in being in the father role?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: You got to really pay attention.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm again fortunate to have your mom.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, she is very good about keeping me uh uh up to speed on what's going on, remind me if sometimes I don't remember something and encourage me to get you know to get involved, be involved, to listen, to uh allow you to do things that you want to do.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And and when those opportunities come, participate.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think that's the most fun I've had.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: I um we all learn and grow from a lot of different ways.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: And my my learning and growing when y'all as y'all grew up was incredible.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I learned so much.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: I watched what you did, um tried to have if you said you wanted to to bake, or if you wanted to, uh, you know, it could be things like when when you want a checkbook so you can run your little make-believe business, you know, just cut the numbers off so the checkbook, so the check number doesn't end up somewhere you don't want it.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: But but but hey, yeah, I'm not let you have those kind of things.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or your your sister's case, if you want to pick up a bag of rocks, so you can sit and play with your rocks and do, you know, let you have that opportunity to do those things and realize you may not understand what you're growing and how that's going to affect you later.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm I'm assuming along the way you're gonna tell me if I don't answer the question you just asked me.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: But that's I mean, that again, it's participating, it's paying attention.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, where possible you find those chances, whether it's you know, a child and uh wants to try out swimming, or your brother wanted to play football after some incredible health issues, and and we just step back and said, Well, okay, let's let's you know have at that, or if you want to go to China, how do we help you make that happen?
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or I you know, there's just so many things I can sit here and just think about, you know, it came from you're what you wanted to do, it's just okay, how do I help you with that?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I see something that I think I've learned and understand you think you enjoy is hey, here, let's try this opportunity.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: I yeah.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: So in that encourager role, it's finding it's listening to the interest that your kids have developed at what stage it is, and it's feeding into that.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you talked about checkbooks, you cut your checkbooks off or made things to where I could specifically use it, and my stuffed animals learned how to write checks, and if they didn't, they got evicted from their little rentals.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: So hey, we found it not too long ago.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't not put you on the spot on that, you did, but I put you in the space.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: But it's kind of what taught me how to handle money in the way that I have.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: It did.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it did, and it paid off well.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: It has.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: Then what about accountability?
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: Whether it be as a father finding accountability or accountability with your kids, how does accountability work within that healthy father relationship?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a lot of times leaving things to our own devices, we may not always think all the way through of the things that are tough on us.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: I really want to do this.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if without having that trusted uh voice in the background and not always but or or a friend or a father or you know, any parent or even the child, I think it's accountability in life is really, really important.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Being willing to subject yourself to someone else's opinion to make sure you keep check on what you're doing.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think that's a major role for a parent is to hold a child accountable and let the child not be afraid to be held accountable and and not think that, oh, I can just go do whatever I want to do.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what you're doing impacts others.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: So make you think that through.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's an important role we play, all of us, who's accountable, who can I help?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean I want to run some run someone's life, but I if I can hey help you keep in check or and not let yourself get off kilter if you've kind of blinded yourself to what really could happen because it's what you really want, but you think you want, yeah, those are the kinds of things I think is very um it goes it go it runs right in there with discipline, accountability, communicating, uh being a part of what's going on, uh in traveling, enjoying each other's company, but get to know somebody so you can always be able to say, now it's not always easy because I've I've been in conversations where I thought I was helping, but sometimes it doesn't seem like it you you are because you see it, but sometimes you got to be willing to hopefully you develop relationships well enough that if you step into a mire, you know when you're just butting in or when you're actually trying to help somebody.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_02: So, with accountability, do you think that that's something that you can start with your kids once they hit teenage years, or does that have to start when they're toddlers?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Walk into a Sunday school class and your children are sitting there playing with other children and stuff is all over the place, and and making sure they don't leave until everything's picked up and and not be distracted when there's others that are leaving, but that that you're involved in making sure you left it the way you found it when you got there, but you enjoyed it while you were there.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: I I think that starts early, early, early.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: That um you to un to start understanding the impact that you have on others, and that the positive impact is you take care of what you did, and sometimes more.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think it starts real early.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then what about being friends with your kids?
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: Does that start as they're toddlers, or sometimes do you have to be the friend and not necessarily or the be the parent and not necessarily a time you you gotta be the parent?
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I've probably had opportunity to tell each of you on more than one occasion, I don't care if I'm not your friend when I'm over.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm gonna tell you what I think you need to know as a parent.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think being the parent is very, very important.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and if you spend too much time making friends, the the friendships come.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, really now as a having adult children, you're not you're no longer in that real role of a parent.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're more in that role of uh being a friend and just being somebody that you can call on if you need help or or just need to talk things through.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think the real uh the friendship I've realized now it comes, but in those early years, it's not it's not a whole lot about being friends.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now you want your kids to like you, and hopefully you're not doing those things that make a child not like you, but they do need to understand that that role.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes you can start being a friend too early.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, when because in those early years, they a child needs somebody who's a confidant who's who's willing to share their experience and not you know, a friend sometimes will turn a blind eye to behavior that needs to be addressed.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a parent's role is to kind of always take care of that.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: But there is a time you stop that.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't think that carry that should not carry into the older older teen years where you get into those there's a there's a balance you got to figure out at that moment.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean we're we're on we're far on the other side now.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now I believe when we talk about things, and if it was a there is no discipline, there is, hey, maybe accountability and a friend pointing things out or encouraging from that standpoint.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I I think the friendship comes later, not you don't want to start too early.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: So it's these roles as a father kind of evolve and change with each stage and each aspect and how to and you serve kind of as friend comes, but it's also the roles, it comes with knowing what those expectations are of you didn't behave this way here, and so no, I'm not your friend right now because I have to be your parent.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: And it's finding that balance.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: And there's some research that shows that that correlation between having a high level of sociability, confidence, self-control within children comes from when a father is actively involved.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: So, with that, why should a father be a part of a day-to-day life?
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: And what does that maybe even look like of being a part of a day-to-day?
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, I think it's sad if you're not.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, sometimes just checking in.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: And now, you know, this thing right here has advantages and disadvantages.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: One is you can keep in touch, you can say, send a text or yeah, or y'all's group text.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: I say y'all's, I'm in it.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I get them, you know, sitting in a meeting and y'all get chatting back and forth.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think my phone's ringing so me going back and forth.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: But that's a way you do stay in touch now, and and you used to not have that, but that's that's good if that's as long as it's not the only way.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: You you've got to physically have opportunity to look at somebody in the eye and talk to them.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and and where it's not always possible when people on us opposite sides of the world or the country and far away, these are a good way to do that, which again, it's not it's not something we've always had.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a few years ago, not long ago, we couldn't do this very, very much.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: But now it you you're able to look at people and talk to them.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's just that involvement.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I I think it's sad if you miss that at whatever stage a child is in, if you if you're not able to maintain that.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now there are I mean there are times when you kind of when things occur.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, as you're growing into adulthood, there are those moments when you feel like I don't need that, and hopefully a parent's, you know, as a parent, you've given somebody that opportunity to walk and figure that out.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: But what I've seen, it doesn't if you if you do it right, and I'm not saying we've done everything right.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: I can I can guarantee I can think of more times I did it wrong than right, but you do come back, and I think that's when the friendships really take off.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I keep coming back to it is about being present, and y'all have been so gracious because I my my job at times has been very, very busy.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um the great thing about y'all being homeschooled is when I traveled, y'all got to travel with me.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: So that was always kind of a neat thing to be able to do.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: But and and again, just to be able to be present and and know that we're around each other under different all kinds of circumstances.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_02: So, really what it is is is in the day-to-day, it's finding what works for your family, what your circumstances of what that involvement can look like, but it's having some kind of interaction, and that looks different at each age and stage of involvement.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, right now you've got two kids that live relatively close and one that's off.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: So your involvement of seeing me and my brother is a little bit different than your involvement of seeing our sister because it takes a little more planning to see her than it does us.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_02: A little easier to see.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: But again, being able to have those things, making phone calls, checking in.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yes, it it's not it's not a perfect, but I I just don't want to let that phone become the only relationship I have.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's finding that involvement of what can it look like?
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: And for us growing up, after we got out of swimming and we swimming, you weren't necessarily involved to the everyday, but you were at most swim meets.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: I were to be a timer or whatever they need me to do on the side.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was not the one to be the swim coach, that kind of thing.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: Basketball?
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_02: Now I got the when we hit the basketball court, you kind of joined us in those practices, and so you were you were a part of our day-to-day, and you were a part of our friend groups.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, you know, that's a a good point there is um knowing friends, knowing who you're hanging with, and actually find yourself being involved in their own their development.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's you know that's all I mean, that's a whole nother genre, but uh and and always tell people when you become who you hang out with.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's and make sure that's what you want to do, and you be the influence to help people grow and grow in the right way and and not go down any paths you shouldn't.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: But it says that you're the five you're a combination of the five people that you hang out with the most.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: That is that's that is a good point.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: So you talked a little bit about travel.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you see travel an important aspect within a family?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's just talk about the individual and then we'll talk about family.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I think it's sad when people don't get the opportunity.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: When we talk about travel, I mean, like within the country, there's so many places to see and not just hear about, but I I I think it's a lot about going and seeing what other people have or don't have, what what they do and what you don't do.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's you you talked about earlier, all the international folks that you and your brothers and sisters and sisters have have introduced us to, uh you know, great friends from all over.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's an opportunity to grow and to learn.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I always say I I do believe, if at all possible, if I can help any child when they graduate before they graduate high school, they need to leave this country and go somewhere else and to really understand what they have.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and also understand people are just people.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I've I've had a great opportunity to travel, and it don't matter where I've been and what language is being being spoken, or anyone that comes to our country that you've we've met or traveled to Alaska and hang out with the folks that decide to live in Alaska, you know, people are people.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: They want to do they want to take care of their families, and you know, in most cases, they want what's best um for their communities.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's yeah, I just I just think it's an opportunity to expose each other to more than just what is around them.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: And to know that you know, if you live in one space all your life, that's fine, but understand there's a bigger world than just that, I guess.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and the only way to really learn that, because you can't learn that from a textbook or a movie, you have to go and see and experience it.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, but taking it to the family, then what a better opportunity to grow together and have those experiences together and and to uh that y'all y'all done traveling with us, you've done traveling without us, and and I always enjoy either one because I get to learn something I didn't know before.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: And uh like you say, I mean, it's it's just what we do.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it creates memories, but it goes back to that, teaches you their geography and it teaches you that it's different from one part of the country to the other part of the country, or one country to another country.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's all different.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it gives you a very the it can make you very grateful for where you live, or it can make you see that you would love to go live in another part.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and it could it could spark a lot of things.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it can spark career, it can spark, you know, again, this I'm sorry, I'm gonna sidetrack on you.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like in high school.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we do a lot here.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: We try to expose as many kids as can we can, excuse me, students, um what we do, what we're doing, and and it's sad as these.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody come out of high school and never have the experience to explore or see what's going on and what one job does over another job or what one career or or what what is available.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_00: We just get this tunnel vision in school, get you through school, teach you all these things that you need to learn.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: Read, write, uh, do arithmetic, all those things you need to know to get through life.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: But just that opportunity to be exposed to what people do to make sure we all have a good life.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, go to the grocery store, open open the refrigerator, and and and pull something out.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, how did it get there?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you know, somebody farmed.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what what's that about?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody had to process, somebody had to truck it there.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, every job is important to get done what we do, and you now have no clue what you might come across that sparks that opportunity.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: I want to, I want to do that in my life.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a big thing.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: Then we we talked about traveling as a family, and we have done it both ways, but I think some of the cool trips that we've done is both Tori and I have got to go on trips with y'all's moms and look different, and those are cool because you get to have a different aspect of what it looks like.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_02: Whether they've been a place or not, you either get the conversations that happen while you're driving in the weird hours of the night, or just the experience of experiencing something together, and so I think it's finding the time to make that an intentional priority of traveling, whether it be that you have to have time off or the money, because it does take money to travel.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_02: It does, it does, but you can do it sometimes in more economical ways than others.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you and the and the stresses that come along with it.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's part of the whole growth.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I remember it being midnight, and we're driving around Strange City trying to find a hotel, and cars got you all in the car, and you're you're both your grandmother's in the car, and it's like, you know, but that's just part of part of the whole development, I think.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, but it and it makes the traveling.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, with me and Tori have both traveled and Isaac traveled solo, but some of that confidence of traveling through an airport and not thinking it's a big deal has come from we've probably been on more planes than I really have counted in my life.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so going through an airport, it's not a big deal, or a delay, it's uh it's a delay, okay.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_02: I still would like to get home.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_02: What do we need to do?
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: I got on my first airplane sometime in my mid-20s, and all three of you had traveled all kinds of ways, including playing many times before you even got through your teen years.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, I mean, that not everybody gets that opportunity, but if you do, you need to grab it.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, whether it's traveling with a a marching band or a choir or a youth group doing mission work, I mean, all those things give you opportunity to grow and really pay attention to what's going on.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: How did this make this work?
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: And understand there's somebody making all that happen who had to line it all up and get it done.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: All the you know, just just being really aware of your surroundings that things just don't happen.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_02: And it's yeah, things don't just happen, they come with it.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_02: So let's jump into the last topic of why are books and reading important?
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think um well when you say that, I think about Chronicles of Norya, C.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: S.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: Lewis's um fable that we read, I think, I don't know how many times.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it one, it goes back to that communication, to hear somebody speak, but eventually to see you open a book and delve into it uh and and want to grow and whether it's whether it's make-believe something that takes you to a different world that might exist or not, just and to be able to enjoy that, or if it's you know, factual or training, and um I I just the book itself is not, you know, it's like taking a book, I gotta live by everything in this book.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: I I've got many books on the shelf that you know I picked up a few very critical nuggets to help me do what I do, but still it's it's being able to delve in and find that.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I it's just important.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just I think from the young, as I said, I mean, I I I read to y'all before you were born.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then when you were born, I just kept reading, and your mom kept reading, and until we got you in front of the to read.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm not sure I can answer your question well because books are just to me, it's just it's it's so important to find those things that you want to grow by.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't always have to agree with.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I start pulling out a lot of business books that you know couldn't looking for those nuggets.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: I um I mean I've had certain books that have impacted my life.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: So the fact that even changed my trajectory of where I was going.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I went out when I got out of high school, had an opportunity to play a little bit of football.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but my goal was to to I wanted to be a high school football coach.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so to do that, I thought, well, I'll do history.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: I like history.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that was what I wanted to be history teacher, high school football coach.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's what my goal was.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: And as I got into school, somebody handed me a book.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this book right here.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: Hand me, not this actual one.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: The old book is pretty wrinkled, and I but I still have it, but it's hand me another brick uh by Chuck Swindah.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and really it's about Nehemiah, but really what I saw, I saw God had a business plan in order to get something done.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: He was rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: And not so I'm not gonna delve, but I saw and I began to understand business, and I took an economics class, fell in love with the economics and understanding economics, and from there it just it was I could not get enough of study, but it took a book that woke me up to something, and and then that's why I think it's so important that if you you know, if you never travel, if you never travel, you can go to some most incredible places by just opening up books.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: They can take you to places that don't exist but in somebody's head or actual places to to see things.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so um I I just think it's just and it's a lot about just keeping your mind working and and uh so that's why I mean we we started books, I mean, with y'all, kept putting books out there and uh and it seems to be part of y'all's lives.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_02: So books and reading, and it is it's a part of all of our lives.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: I would say it's a part of each of our lives different.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: We each prefer different kinds of books, yeah.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_02: It is versus my sister can pick a book up and she's done with it in three days, and big books, big huge books, like I mean, she can read a Harry Potter book in three days.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: She can, yeah, and then I'm more gonna read your informational books, not necessarily whimsical fun or anything that's in mind are gonna have a purpose.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then your brother digs deep in, and a lot of a lot of his reading is is doing his research.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_00: He gets into something he just he's digging and digging if it's online or whatever.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, it's it's just how you grow, so you don't sit in your own mind and become annihilated not knowing that there's more than what I think I know.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_02: So, reading to us as kids, how did you do that?
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: How did you make like as we got older and we were going to bed, y'all made reading books a part of our nightly routine?
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: But how?
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_00: Had to show up.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't always easy.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: If I was traveling, it was really, really, really tough.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, there's something we probably could have done to do it better for for me to be a part, but we kind of tag team.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: Your mom did some, I did some when we were traveling.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, if we weren't reading, we had a you know, some a book on tape, you know, that's prior to the digital stuff as a actual black piece of tape or brown tape, and you know, you put the tape in or the CDs later in, and and we all enjoyed listening to it.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but the going to bed, well, okay, bedtime was tough and one.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_00: I could read, read, read, read, read.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: And two out of three heard every word, one go to sleep.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: We had to bring her back up to speed the next day.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what was really fun is the you know, the other two would say, Oh, this happened, this happened, da-da-da-da-da-da.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: And and you kind of get recap of it, and then you again just start to read.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: I it we just made the time to do it.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's times I go, how did we do that?
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes you're running hard and so busy.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I guess it's it's a blessing to have children when you're young because you can do it.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and just sometimes you just you just do it because you know the impact it has later.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: And quite frankly, I enjoyed the books I was reading to you.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it the the the especially the um I don't want to call them fairy tales as much as uh the fables and the kind of stuff we read.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: I I enjoy I enjoyed that.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, it it was it's just you just sometimes you just gotta make the time to make it happen.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: And very thankful that we did, because um I I think it it is helped y'all all remember it.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: We start talking about it, y'all know and and remember different things about it.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, and um you're at some points y'all stopped read at one point you kept trying to reread where I would fall asleep until and one day y'all quit doing that, they'd give me a recap.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, two minutes later I was asleep again.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: So it but what I hear you saying is A, you found books that you enjoyed reading, and so you found books that all three of your kids would listen to together, something you'd enjoy reading, and sometimes just the simple enjoyment helps to make the time.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: If you read things you really don't enjoy at all, that does make it a little bit harder to make the time.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, sometimes it yeah, we we did, I think the mix of having a you know, like the the tape or the CD or whatever, and you push a button, that's usually when we were driving.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_00: We were a long time before we ever had a screen in the car.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was always listening, and y'all would be doing whatever you're doing.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then the times that when you could read it and actually um it goes back to I think it's so important we hear each other so we really understand and and I don't know, just grow to appreciate.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_00: I think you know, the voice is uh like even like a a touch.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you just it's important when you hear certain people talk.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not a fast reader, so that didn't you know it I'm I'm a fairly slow reader.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_02: But it allowed you, I mean it allowed you time each night that you were available to to have time with all three of your children, and then one that you had to just tell, I'm done reading, good night.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, oh yeah, yes, that was but it was a part of their bedtime routine, and so it helped.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what about as we've gotten older and as you use in your job regularly?
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: Leadership books are one of those things that we as your children have gotten for Christmas for years, or you just hand us one because you say, Hey, this one will help there, or my husband came to you and said, Hey, I'm thinking I'd like to know some more about leadership books.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_02: Could you suggest one?
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I believe you gave him 10.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_02: So what are why do you find leadership books as something so important within people and influencing from a father aspect, or just as that aspect of leadership books is important?
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_00: I fully accept the fact I do not know everything, and I don't.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I do have good ideas occasionally, um, but most of my ideas come from things that I've either read about, observed, uh learned from some other way.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I I I just think there's a lot encapsulated in a in a in a paperback book paper that um that that that that I mean they just I'm just I got these sitting here.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: I thought just very important books that have influenced the way I think, because I I don't know at all.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um we we spent a lot of time here.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_00: The next book we're probably gonna read, and I've almost finished with this book right here, has a lot to do with understanding how you know in our in our business or here in the work world now, you have six, depending on how you count it, six or seven generations.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_00: Never's happened in ever.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: And now you got all these, you got the the the ones coming into the work world and ones who are hanging out and not retiring.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_00: How do you make everyone how do you work to make sure we communicate what each of us needs?
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: I I I've got a group I'm involved with that um I was the youngest one in the group, and I used to learn so much from all the older folks there.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm the oldest one in the group, and I'm learning everything I can from the younger ones that are in the group.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it's just it is that's getting off of books, but my my I guess my point is you don't know at all.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, whether it's historic, whether it's an opinion, uh, you don't I try not to always read what I think all the time because I want to understand why someone else thinks a certain way.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just it's it's just a quick to me, or not not quick, because I am a slow reader, and and anymore, I listen probably about half or more of my books now.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_00: I listen more than I read, read.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but some books you gotta read because listening's not gonna get that doesn't get there, especially when it gets real technical.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_00: But um so I I I'm not sure how to explain that.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_00: I I um I will go back to the you know, it's like the Bible.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, God chose to put in word his thoughts of who we are, where we come from, who he is, what he what what he's done for us, what we should be doing for others.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh he decided to put that in a book form.
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_00: And quite frankly, it just dawns on me that I mean that's that's what that's still a very important, although it's been around since Gutenberg created the printing press, um, it's a great way to encapsulate thought and ideas so that I don't always depend on just my own opinion or my own thought.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, when you hold up the books that you held up, I think all three of those are ones that you've given to me and that are sitting behind me.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: The other ones are things like you said gave me crucial conversations and boom my cheese.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_02: Those are two that I really remember reading.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: And crucial conversations when you go to intentionality and conversations.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's about what has influenced me of part of why I have no issue having hard conversations, because if you don't have hard conversations, then it doesn't exist.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: So books and why they're important are definitely one of those aspects of they bring you outside of yourself to see things.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, I like critical thinking books way more than I do fantasy, but that's just personal preference of if I'm gonna take the time to read because I am not a huge fan of reading, then I'm I want it to have some kind of a purpose.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_00: But both both both of those types of books are that that it makes you think.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_00: It goes back in, makes you think makes you use your mind, makes you dig in, and uh and and to I mean it's just part of the enjoyment with that that I think we're given this brain to do more than just store up what we think we do, it's it's made to keep putting things in.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_00: So somebody from getting too too hard.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_02: Too hard.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, but that's what helps continue to help develop your brain and keep your brain functioning is continuum learning.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_02: So if someone had one leadership book they could pick up, what would your highest leadership book be?
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean, I would probably go back to hand me another brick.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, here probably my two favorite that when I I get the opportunity to work with juniors and seniors in high school, and those are two of the books I usually give them.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_00: One's Lincoln on Leadership, and the other's Hand Me Another Brick.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_00: That this was when it was written, was the only book, tons of books about Lincoln, but the only book that really focused on his leadership style, um, which which I have found very helpful to know and then and to share.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then Hand Me Another Brick, as I said, um it showed me that there is a godly plan in which to run business and understand, you know, how to plan and how to think through and then how to how to deal with adversity and how to deal with those that are are are opposing you.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's a lot, a lot that you can develop.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_00: So those are my those are my two favorite life favorites, but I got if you really I got I got a ton of them.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, all Jim Collins's book, Good to Great and Built to Last, and all the rest of them, all have great nuggets in them uh to learn from.
• 1:04:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this was sitting here.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_00: I did this also is a good one.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_00: Santa Claus is a great one to learn from.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_00: He has a great business plan.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_00: So uh this is the leadership secrets of Santa Claus.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_00: So Who Move My Cheese?
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, those are all Who Move My Cheese is a great classic.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is an easy read, fun read, but boy, it gets to the point really well.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what about children's book series?
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_02: If you were sitting down in a hallway to read books to your kids, what would be something that you suggest a father pick up?
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's an age thing.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, Chick Chick Boom Boom is a great book.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's it is a great book that's a fun book to read with and a quick book, but it's more of like a I guess a rhythm or rhyme kind of thing.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I I mean books like Chronicles and Narnia.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I never try to tackle, you know, anything too much deeper than that, but it's just a great book.
• 1:05:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think, I mean, a good healthy fantasy is is is a lot to do with releasing the mind to be able to just enjoy life and I I I mean th those those are I mean um uh red wall oh I mean you know just um I'm actually I actually have that one queued up to be one that I I go over again is is red wall um again it's just um I mean you know the classics Huckleberry Finn it is a good one for for for kids to understand but I I I mean there's just so many to choose from um I'll just stop there I mean I I'm just uh I'm not sure I could roll them all out I I mean I love there's Bible stories have been pulled out and done a lot of ways which you can you know you know and there's there's just a lot there's just so much to choose from so one of the things I hear you say about children's book series is find one that's aged find the age of what it is what's what what's feasible and works good for them and if they're old enough and you can sit in that hallway between bedrooms or however and read to them find a series because a series kind of I mean chronicles of ominarnia gives you what six books and so it gives you it gives you some material and so you're not having to find a new book every night but you also get to continue a story from night to night so it's something to look forward to as your bed part of bedtime.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I will just say again I don't think you can start early enough now you wouldn't read to an infant you know the any long fables that uh I went blank on one of Tori's favorites is um but if you're sitting there reading it and they're sitting there with you you could always start to read while they're in a chair instead of three different ages when we started really we're getting them between the rooms and reading and all so um so it it comes pretty quick when you can really start delving in so what is one of the biggest keys for parenting that you received and that you practiced over the 30 plus years that you've had children that helped you keep healthy.
• 1:08:36
  SPEAKER_00: What I said at the beginning or some point I mentioned uh Mr.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_00: Jim Turner when he told us enjoy each stage and there were many a time when it was tough and we would look at each other look at your mom she looked at me and this is tough and we'd say okay we have to don't push this stage through um because you know you don't wish it away that that was you you know the the moments don't last that long the good moments far outweigh the tough ones but it's just a part of life and I and I think that goes back to your children I hope realizing you're not pushing life through but you're just you're you're just with you're long for the ride together uh to go through and uh I that one's probably the one my dad gave me a lot of great you know a lot of great advice uh about being a husband and and a dad and and really most of what I got from him is just observing I I never played ball that I didn't hear my dad I could be playing in a huge stadium loud but I could hear my dad so I think those are the so it's finding ways to be pre present in those moments.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_02: So and then one other place that I heard y'all give advice and what y'all did before you became parents was y'all looked at people around you found kids that you liked and figured out what they did or found kids that you didn't like but y'all before you became parents kind of established some of what you wanted.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_00: We started that before we even married but uh and and and a lot of that came we we both had love to be involved with youth so we kind of had a a great training bed in which to do that in to observe kids and you're right ask questions of parents or sometimes just observe just watch and observe and you could you could you you learn a lot um you also find yourself being a pseudo parent to others like y'all friends of our you know um you talked about being friends with your children we we I mean we always took it serious now we're friends with a lot of your friends um you know that just that just happens in life if you if you stay present and stay aware of what's going on so not everybody has the supportive back and forth of being in a marriage right so if you're you are a father that's maybe not necessarily in the situation that you are there every day what would be one way you could suggest that they stay present with their kids well one is to find those times when you can be present I mean and and be be in person but you you just you know sometimes um out of sight out of mind and you move on with other things that that that are important if you're not careful guard yourself of being pulled away by the job or by you know fun activities or those things you know if if it is your child they deserve to own uh quite a bit of your time whenever you can um and sharing your own life with them I mean it's like share the books that you thought were important or uh you know uh I mean I realize I mean it is anymore it's more more families that aren't together anymore and how and how to do that and and I'm gonna tell you I can see that as a lot of hard work and it is you just got to accept it it is what it is be present being present is important well thank you for talking to me today about healthy relationships how dads can be involved we even covered a little bit more but it's it's being present it's being healthy so the recap is we kind of talked about those roles with a healthy relationship and how they play into our day-to-day life and how fathers can be involved how traveling can kind of impact we touched it a little bit and the importance of books and reading so if you were to give a father a challenge or a call to action based on our conversation today what would that be?
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Know your child the only way to know your child is to be present help them become brave individuals who are willing to step into life and and challenge what they do and what what they have opportunity to grow and impact others.
• 1:14:12
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome thank you love you proud of you good job that brings us to the end of this episode of Stacked Intent if you love this episode as much as I did head on over and rate and subscribe so you will never miss an episode.
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_02: New episodes are going to be dropped on Thursdays until then this is Beckett and don't forget enrich your life by being intentional this podcast was created produced and recorded and edited by Stack Integrity