Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The Neuroscience of Positive Self talk and the the changes that occur in the brain

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The Neuroscience of Positive Self talk and the the changes that occur in the brain · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to the podcast of Today.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: So in today's episode, we are going to be talking
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: about the neuroscience of positive self talk and the impacts
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that it can have on the brain, the positive changes
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: on the brain, and how it will directly and very
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: noticeably change your life. This is not just wishful thinking.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It's not just saying like you know, like a line
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: that we throw out there, like I'm this and I'm
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: that and read this card and then do nothing for
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: the rest of the day. I'm going to be talking
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: about what you say to your brain repeatedly, with intention
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and with emotion and feeling. What that can actually do,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: not only to your brain and the physical changes that
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: occur within your brain, but how it's going to change
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: your outlook and how you interact with the world and
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: therefore how the world interacts with you. So you will
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: notice made changes in your life if you change how
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: you talk to yourself. And I'm going to explain exactly
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: why that is and how you are going to do it.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: It's very exciting. Apart from that, life is fabulous. Uh
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: my substack, I'm really enjoying Substack. So if you guys
• 1:16
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• 1:19
  Speaker 1: even necessarily the podcast, because I do stuff that's different
• 1:21
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• 1:24
  Speaker 1: fleshed out and thought out in a different way. The
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: podcast is very I mean it's don't get me wrong.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: My podcast is very fleshed out, and I spend a
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: lot of time organizing my episodes, but I've got it
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: all in like dot point and then I ramble in
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: my own way, whereas obviously substack is where I get
• 1:38
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• 1:43
  Speaker 1: kind of writing, but still talking about mindset, psychology and
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: neuroscience all of that. So if you're interested, go to
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Notes on theMIND dot substack dot com and find me
• 1:52
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• 1:54
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• 1:57
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• 1:59
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• 2:06
  Speaker 1: let's get into the episode of today, and let's begin
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: with what exactly is self talk? Okay, because we are
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: constantly talking to ourselves no matter what. Now, you might
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: be someone that says, oh well, I don't have that
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: internal dialogue, you know, there's actually people out there that, well,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: to not single anyone out, there's people out there that
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: have zero internal dialogues in where they hear themselves kind
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: of talk things out, and there's people that do. Most
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: people do, but there is I think it's like, I'm
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: not even gonna spit out a percentage because I can't remember,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: but I have spoken about this on my podcast before,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: but there is a percentage of people that don't have
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: this internal dialogue, but they still have thoughts. And these
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: thoughts come up not as like a dialogue, but as
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: emotions and feelings. So what I'm talking about here still
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: applies to everyone. You just might not think of it
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: as a dialogue per se, but more so a feeling,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: a feeling of warmth, success, a feeling of failure, a
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: feeling for not being good enough. There's an emotion that
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: we all feel about ourselves in relation to what is
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: going in our everyday thing. There might be triggers that
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: will trigger a memory and that will then trigger a feeling,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: but we are constantly having kind of this discourse with
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: ourselves all the time, and you want to think of
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: self talk as being this ongoing internal dialogue that shapes
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: how we interpret events and like setbacks and how that
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: influences our own identity. So an example of this is
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: your upbringing, how you were raised. Some people are raised
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: in a way where they've got a really secure upbringing.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: They're very loving, they understand that even if they fail,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: they've got quite a secure base. So therefore they might
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: not be strangers to failure. They might not be strangers
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: to set back in hard moments, but overall, they really
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: like their ability to bounce back. They like themselves and
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: they've never thought of themselves an utter failure. People have
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: started off in life way behind in the sense that
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: they have had a really like, not supportive upbringing, really
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: unhealthy environment to grow up in, maybe a really abusive household,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: maybe they suffered abandonment, pain, and these beliefs are going
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: to be really ingrained and entrenched in these people, and
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: therefore that internal dialogue is going to be very different
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: to someone who had a really secure, loving upbringing. Then
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: we look at things that have happened in our life
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: that can also influence. So you could have had a
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: secure upbringing, but then you went through a really horrible
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: relationship where you were treated like absolute shit, and then
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: it's really damaged your relationship with yourself, so you kind
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: of have to work on rebuilding that. Or you might
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: have had a really horrible thing happen at work, or
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: you might have been abused, or you might have like
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: horrible things that can happen to you. Or really maybe
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: you were bullied, Maybe you were really loved at home,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: but then outside of home, at school or at work,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: you were subjected to a lot of bullying and torture
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: and like psychological torture, and that's caused you to have
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: differences or issues with how you talk to yourself. And then,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: of course, because we have all these influences in how
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: we talk to ourselves, it's quite a strong influence because
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: it's emotional, so it often goes unchecked. Emotions are very strong,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: and they really are good at kind of taking charge
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: in the brain. When you've got a really strong emotional
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: thought versus a thought you would like to think, but
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: there isn't much strong emotion to it unless you're hell
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: bent on making that new thought part of your new reality,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: your brain is going to default to the one with
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: a heavy emotion, and that is because your brain is
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: trying to protect yourself, and emotions are what our brain
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  Speaker 1: responds to. It's something that helps us feel either safe
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: or threatened, and it gives us an idea of what
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  Speaker 1: we need to do. So a strong emotion of like
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  Speaker 1: I'm a failure, I'm this, and that it's telling your
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: brain like, don't put yourself out there. You're going to
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: get hurt again. Let's not do this. Anxiety anxiety. Anxiety
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  Speaker 1: anxiety is your brain's way of saying, you need to
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: be safe. Let's bring it back. So your brain's not
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: trying to actually be your enemy, even though it feels
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: like that. Sometimes it's trying to respond accordingly to what
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: your emotions are telling you. And therefore it's going to
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: have like these depressed thoughts or anxious thoughts, and it
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: kind of can go a little bit haywire. And the
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: more we do that, the more it kind of spirals,
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  Speaker 1: and the more it takes control of our lives and
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: we feel like we are not in control of our
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: brain if we're in a situation like that. Now, most
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: people don't not notice this kind of self talk because
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: it can be very automatic. Like I said, it's based
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: on these feelings. It doesn't feel like it's a conscious
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: decision because it just isn't. A lot of the time,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: it's not a conscious decision, and it can be and
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: you can change it, but it's not easy to do.
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  Speaker 1: But I'm going to tell you how you can the
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: ways that you can do it. And what I want
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: you to know is that the goal here isn't just
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: this blind positivity. How to become the most positive person
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: in the world, how to do that, That's not the goal.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: The goal is to become aware of this narrative that's
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: running in the background. Now I'm going to be talking
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: about default, murder network and internal working model. I'm going
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: to brush over it because I have spoken about it
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: in depth in the podcast, and if you're an avid listener,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: you would have heard me talk about this a lot.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: But it is to become aware of this narrative that's
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: running in the background and how to learn to manage it.
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  Speaker 1: Because if we can manage what's going on in our brain,
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  Speaker 1: we don't have to block a negative thought and block
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  Speaker 1: ever feeling anxious or block ever having this you know,
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  Speaker 1: being aversive to doing something you don't have to do that.
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  Speaker 1: We're human. Those things are fine. It's how do we
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  Speaker 1: manage it so we control it and we don't let
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  Speaker 1: it control usk. That's the goal. And you'll find that
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  Speaker 1: some of the people that you look up to the
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  Speaker 1: most of the people that you think God, they've got
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: they've seemed so positive and they've got the life that
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  Speaker 1: I wanted. They all these things fall into place for them,
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  Speaker 1: and they're confident and they like themselves. Those people have
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  Speaker 1: bad thoughts too, Those people have their days. It's just
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  Speaker 1: that they probably have a better grasp on managing these
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: things than you probably do at the moment, which is
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  Speaker 1: fine because you can learn how to now default mode
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  Speaker 1: network and internal working model? What is that? Your internal
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: working model is mostly created in your upbringing, but not always.
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  Speaker 1: Like I said before, you could have a traumatic thing
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: happened to you. You could have shit happen that then
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: will impact your internal working model. But in a nutshell,
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  Speaker 1: it is your belief about yourself, your belief about your worthiness,
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  Speaker 1: and your belief about the world around you. So someone
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  Speaker 1: with a really healthy, secure upbringing might say I'm a
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  Speaker 1: good person, I'm very lovable and the world is generally
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: a good place to be in. Someone with maybe a
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  Speaker 1: like who's been abandoned, who's been maybe abused, or who's
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  Speaker 1: been neglected. Their internal working model as a child or
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  Speaker 1: as an adolescent into adulthood might be I'm unlovable because
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  Speaker 1: no one's shown like that they can consistently be there
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  Speaker 1: for them. I'm unlovable. The world is a bad place
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  Speaker 1: to be in, and I'm not worthy of love. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: So you can see the two extrains, and someone who
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: has that kind of internal working model, you can imagine
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  Speaker 1: what their interaction with society, other people in the world,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: and their relationships and romantic intimate relationships are going to
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  Speaker 1: be like versus the other person. Okay. Now, your default
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  Speaker 1: mode network is kind of that background player. It's when
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: you're not on a high focused task. So if I'm
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: just kind of cleaning or walking the dog or whatever,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: those thoughts, that's the default mode network. So for someone
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: who doesn't really have negative anxious thoughts or like I said,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: you know, there's people that manage their thoughts quite well,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: it's not that bad to be with your default mode network.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's actually quite enjoyable. You can daydream, you can
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: come up with ideas, you can brainstorm, you can plan,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: you can start organizing in your head. When you're going
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: with someone who doesn't have a grasp on managing their emotions.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: It has probably gone through really hard time. They're going
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: to avoid that default mode network because it's not a
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: pleasant place to be in, and because they avoid it
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: more and more and more, it gets worse and worse
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: and worse to sit with their thoughts. But that's what
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: we're talking about. So I want you to think of
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: in this episode self directed self talk. It is we
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: are going to learn how to direct our self talk
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: in a way that's going to be really beneficial for us. Okay,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: because this default, like I said default, it is the
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: default mode network, and it's that background player. These are
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: kind of conditioned thoughts. It's all you've been conditioned to
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: think this way, good or bad. You've been conditioned. Whereas
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: the unconditioned one, which we have to learn to recondition
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: our brain, is this self directed self talk. And that's
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: what we're focusing on today's episode. So next thing that
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: we're going to go into is your brain listens to
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: what you repeatedly tell it with belief behind it. Okay,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: So the key here is belief and emotion behind it.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Because if I were to tell myself every single day
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: looking into the mirror, I am a millionaire, right, But
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't believe it, and I was living in squalor
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: and I really struggled for the entire rest of the day.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how many times I stand in front
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: of the mirror and say that if there is no
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: emotional belief behind it that makes me feel a certain way,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: that's not really going to change anything in my internal
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: working model. And that's what I think is really important
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: to know, because I have a love hate relationship with affirmations.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I think when done properly, they are phenomenal, but I
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: think they're oversimplified way too much, and they're set in
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: a way that make people say a statement that just
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel believable, and that's why people don't hold onto them,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: and they don't stick to it, and they don't see
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: it through. So your brain is very It likes to
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: predict things based on the past. So based on what
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: you know, it's going to predict what's going to happen
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: moving forward. So we use past experiences and repeated thoughts
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: to create expectations for your own reality moving forward and
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: what is likely to happen. So if I've had a
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: really horrible upbringing, people are not nice people can't be trusted.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: So I need to reinforce that belief in myself because
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I now need to know what to expect from everyone
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: around me. Let's have been cheated on in every single relationship, Well,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: all relationships are fucked. That person thinks that their partner's
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: being being loyal, hah, they're fucked. Everyone's fucked. Everyone gets
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: cheated on. You get you finally get into a relationship
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: because you do fall in love with someone and what
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: do you think? They're cheated on me? They're cheating on
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: me and the need to check their phone and need
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: to check the phone, and then you probably create a
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: divide in this relationship. It causes conflict and then it's
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: a self fulfilling prophecy. It's like I knew this person
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: was never going to stand by me. Ah. This is
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: a cycle that can keep repeating itself. And you didn't
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: cause being cheated on all these times, but you end
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: up creating a cycle where you never let people in anymore,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: where you always hold them at arm's length because you're
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: thinking you are going to holt me based on my
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: past experiences, You are going to hurt me, whether they
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: ever do or don't. Now this repeatedself talk becomes the
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: information that your brain uses obviously to make these predictions,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: and these thoughts don't become your reality. It's that they
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: influence your behavior and your attention to certain things and
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: to certain people, and then they influence your emotional response.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: So it's not to say that if I think that
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: someone's going to cheat on me, they're definitely going to
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: cheat on me. But like I said, they might not
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: cheat on you, but it could cause major cracks in
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: a healthy relationship, which then eventually could cause the relationship
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: to break down, and then you might think, well, did
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: they not love me? Were they not to So it's
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: kind of like these thoughts are now influencing how my
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: future plays out because I'm so anxious or I've been
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: so hurt and I can't let someone in, or for example,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: if it's more personal, not even about a relationship, if
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: you're always saying that you're a failure and you can't
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: do something and you just can't see something through, you
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: can never see something through, then of course, how do
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: you think you're going to approach something when the first
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: challenge comes up? I knew I was a failure. I
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: knew I knew that day one I would find something
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: that was too difficult. Why did it even bother signing
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: up for this course? This is fucking ridiculous. Shut it down,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: you know. Or if it's not, talk about something even lighter.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Doesn't even have to be so heavy. We could talk
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: about Let's use me as an example. One thing that
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I always say, and I've been talking to you guys
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: about it, I always talk about how unorganized I am,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: and low and behold, I'm still unorganized. So I'm the
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: prime example of someone that on a lower like nowhere
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: near a serious level, I'm practicing what I preach, but
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: for the negative, and it's something that I could change
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: instantly banging on about my lack of organization, and then
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I just manifest this lack of organization because I'm telling
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: myself that that's just me, that's just me, when I
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: know that I've changed many other things about my life.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: So this is my project. I'm just going to lay
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: it out there what I probably need to be focusing on. Okay,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: But like I was saying, this default network and internal
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: working model kind of it's what we're exposed to and
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: then what we are primed to look out for. So
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: it's a cycle that feeds itself. So if we're not
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: self directing it, then it's going to be your experiences
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: that direct where your mind goes. Now, let's talk about
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: the neuroscience of negative self talk. So this repeated self
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: criticism will strengthen these neural pathways that are around like
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: self protection. And this is like anxiety. I've said it
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: a thousand times. I don't have to go into it
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: in detail again, but when I talk about you know,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: the mid brain, the limbic system where the amygdal lives,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: and that's all like heavy emotion. These are like your
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: initial instincts, your initial emotional response to something, fear, it's
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: what protects you fight or flight, all of that stuff.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: And then you've got your prefrontal cortex, which is more
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: forward planning all of that. When you're someone that is
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: constantly criticizing yourself, you are in this protection reactive state always,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: well not always, but most of the time, especially when
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: you're interacting with the outside world and other people. So
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: the more you lean into that kind of style of
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: being and thinking, whether you do it intentionally, well mostly
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I'd say almost everyone does it unintentionally. I can't imagine
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: you want that, the more it will strengthen these pathways,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: so you become reactive and more anxious, and more reactive
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: and more anxious. We all know it. Whether it's whether
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: it's you yourself while you're listening to this, or someone
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: that you're close to, you all know it. They're so
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: reactive and like they're a bit jumpy in this and
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: that it's because of this strong, strong, strong ingrained like
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: repeated self criticism, the self doubt and inability to believe
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: in themselves to be able to deal with the difficult
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: situation or a social encounter or a relationship or being vulnerable.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Then your brain, on top of that becomes really really
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: efficient at spotting evidence that confirms what they believe in.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: This is when we talk about the reticular activating system,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: which I'll talk about a bit more in depth. But
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: if your internal narrative is I'm really awkward, You're going
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: to find a thousand examples to confirm why it is
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: that you are so fucking awkward. Let's say you walk
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: into a cafe and someone says something to you and
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: you respond with a weird statement, and then you're like, oh, fuck,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I'm so fucking aw good. I neward a new art awkward,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I just I'm so I can't. Whereas someone else had that,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: they would be like, ah, actually, that's just hilarious that
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I said that. I meant to say something else boom.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Then they don't think of that. They're not saying I'm
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: so awkward. I'm so because it's a one off for them,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: But it was the same experience that you had. But
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: for you, it's difficult to just dismiss it because you're like,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: it's ingrowned, it's ingread, and then you're more awkward when
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: you speak to the next person. Then you're so awkward.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: You are looking for evidence that confirms how awkward you are,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: and so it reinforces that same as someone who's like,
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: no one ever gives me attention, No one ever gives
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: me attention. I go to a social event, I don't
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: know one, no one will ever approach me, no one.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: So then because of that, you're probably not going to
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: be as approachable. You're going to be like, oh god,
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I'm in this thing and no one's approaching me. You're
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: probably looking disinterested or shut off or whatever, and maybe
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: standing there alone, maybe someone thinks they might be waiting
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: for someone or whatever. It's not a personal attack, but
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: based on these thoughts, your body language, your behavior might
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: be reinforcing more of the same to happen. Possibly, so
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: this then of course becomes automatic, and then you do
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: it more and more and more. And like I said,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: if it's not self directed, it's just going to be
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: the default of what's been going on. And like I said,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: high stress and low self esteem is going to make
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: you more protective, more reactive, less creative. And then this
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: is going to cause changes within your brain. This is
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: going to cause you know, more of this chronic stress,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: and this chronic stress then causes anxious thoughts, which then
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: caused you to you know, even in the brain, you're
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: less rested, you're more forgetful, you're more highly strung, you're
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: more irritable, Things annoy you more, you're more reactive. We
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: become super conservative with our behavior. We're worried that we're
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: going to fail, we're worried that we're not going to succeed,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: and then we're not willing to expose ourselves to these
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: riskier things in life because we don't think that we'll
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: be able to bounce back if we do get defeated.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Where it's not that people who are confident aren't worried
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: that they're going to fail. They have that thought. They
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: do worry, but I think they've got a sound enough
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: foundation that they think, oh, I've got to take this risk.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: But the worst case scenario is that I fail and
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: then I rebuild and I start again. But that worst
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: case scenario for them is not worst case scenario for
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: what other people is, which is like dire, I cannot fail.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I just I can't put myself out there again. Now
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: when we do this self talk, so next, the next
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: stage we're going to talk about is this neuroplasticity. The
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: brain is plastic in the sense of it can be
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: molded and remolded, wired, rewide, and you can change the
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: wiring in many areas of the brain. But there's two
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: kinds of neuroplasticity I want to be talking about. When
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: we say neuroplastic we're talking about automatic changes that are
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: happening all the time. The brain is constantly making these
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: quote unquote plastic changes all the time. What we are
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: referring to here is self directed neuroplasticity. This is when
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: you are intentionally trying to make a change where you're
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: trying to strengthen a pathway and weaken another one. When
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: you give less attention to a pathway, the body sends
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: less nutrients and oxygen to keep that pathway strong and
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: and well fed and thick and heavy. It's going to
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: direct that kind of energy, the nutrients and the oxygen
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: to the pathways that are being used more like a
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: highway versus a little tiny footpath through like a fucking forest. Okay. So,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: like you know, sells that fire together, wire together. So
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: these repeated patterns of thinking again and again with emotion
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: is going to strengthen these particular networks within the brain.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: So when we have and this is where cognitive behavioral
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: therapy is brilliant when it comes to the neuroscientific benefits
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: of positive self talk. A lot of cognitive behavioral therapy
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: comes down to healthy, really useful ways of talking to yourself. Now,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: just as these like negative thought patterns can become automatic,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: healthy thought patterns can become automatic too through repetition, but
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: also intentional repetition. What I mean by intentional is, like
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I said earlier, we have to have these strong emotions
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: and feelings behind it for it to feel real. Okay,
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: And like I said that is the foundation of cognitive
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: behavioral therapy. So there's all this research that shows that
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: affirming yourself and affirming these core positive beliefs about yourself
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: is going to activate certain regions in brain that help
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: you feel more validated within yourself, that help you feel
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: like calma, more in control. It's more prefrontal cortex firing,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: less anxious thoughts are firing. We're seeing increased activity in
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, and this area of the brain
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: is also involved in identity decision making and self worth.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: So when you are affirming things that are important to
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: you and that means something to you and that feel good,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: then you're seeing this activity light up in these brain regions. Okay,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: and when people engage in this, the brain is processing
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: information differently to when they are operating from this feeling
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of threat or self criticism. So we're already seeing that
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: different brain regions are lighting up and becoming stronger and
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: becoming more dominant when you start to say good things
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: about yourself and you are aiming to believe it. So
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: backing it by evidence is what I mean. Can I
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: find evidence for me to make this statement more believable
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: because there's always going to be some kind of evidence
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: you are dynamic. There is always something that you can
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: prove to yourself that that can show you that you
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: are capable of change, that you are capable of deserving
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: something different, that you are capable of interacting with the
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: kind of world. Okay. Now, the reason why affirmations fail
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: is because, and not all of them, some of them
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: is because people treat affirmations like as if it's this
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: like magic spell. Okay, do this affirmation for ten days
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: in a row and watch the money flow into your
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: bank account. Okay. So they'll repeat a statement that is
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: just really not believable to them, and then they're like, well,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: this literally nothing's changing in my life. It's not like
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: nothing's happening. And I feel like a fuck wit watching
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: myself in the mirror saying these statements or just saying it.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: I kind of say it out loud because it's embarrassing.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: So I just feel like it just doesn't feel right,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: and it feels so disconnected from reality that your brain
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: is not only not believing it, but it's rejecting it.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: It's like this feels so fucking wrong and it's so
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: against what my actual beliefs are a statement versus a belief,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: So then you get this resistance and then you start
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: focusing on the lack of that thing rather than feeling
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: motivated about it. So, like I gave the example before,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: saying I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich, when
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: you're really struggling financially, is likely going to highlight the
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: financial struggles that you have, the fact that you're late
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: on your rent, that you haven't paid this bill, that
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: you don't think that you're going to be kept on
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: for this job much longer, and then where's the income
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: going to come? So if you keep staying in the
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: mirror saying I'm rich, i'm rich, I'm rich, you're like,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: that's actually not helping me, saying things like I love
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: myself so much, everybody loves me. When you are really
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: struggling with your relationships, maybe you've just had a break up,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: maybe you've got really intense levels of self hatred the moment,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: and it's just not helpful. It's honestly not helpful. And
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: then these like wishy washes self help people that have
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: done a three day course are like, it's not fucking helpful.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Then it actually doesn't work. Okay, your brain's not gonna
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: believe it. So the aim here is what can I
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: do to make it believable. I don't care if that
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: step is so fucking small. It has to be believable.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And then I found the end of that thread, and
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: then I can start pulling and pulling and pulling and
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: pulling until I get to the very top of this thing.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: And I often talk about it as a ladder or
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: like a staircase, where when you're trying to say informations,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: most people recommend that you get right to the top
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: of the staircase. And you're saying that one up there,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: but I'm saying that's not believable to the brain. So
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: it's never going to translate to an emotion. It's just
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: going to be rejected. So let's take the first step
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: and say things like I am learning to trust myself,
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: and then you start using you start using evidence as
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: to how you're learning to trust yourself. So let's say,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: like you feel really like you really don't like yourself.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: To look in the mirror and say I love myself
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel real. You say I'm learning to trust myself
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: because I and then you fill in the blank. So,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: for example, I followed through with a promise that I
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: made to myself. I stuck to going to bed at
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: a certain time. Whatever like, keep it super basic, or
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: if you're further along than that, you can say, I
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: am capable of enjoying my own company. I went for
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: a walk and listened to a playlist I hadn't listened
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: to in like seven years, and it just brought back
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: the bangers and I had a really good time on
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: this walk. So I'm capable of enjoying my own company.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: And then you start thinking from that. When you do
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: more and more of that I'm capable of enjoying my
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: own company, you start to seek out ways that you
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: can enjoy your own company a bit more, and then
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: you start to think, I'm looking forward to having a
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: night to myself, and then you start to think I'm
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: confident in my ability to and then you know, and
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: then that grows into I'm actually quite comfortable within myself
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: when I interact with other people, and then that goes
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: into I really like myself when I interact with other people.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Then it goes into I'm a real good friend. I
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: love the friend that I am that I am to people,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: I'm a great value to other relationships. Then you go
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: into I really like myself, I really like what I
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: have to offer, I'm a good I like myself, and
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: then you're going to I fucking love myself. Okay, So
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: that is an example of one of the ladders that
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: you could take, or one of the flights of stairs
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: that you could take. You could do that with I'm
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: a failure. You could do with that with like I said,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I'm unlovable. You could do that with I'm unintelligent, I'm unorganized, Alexis.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: That's a good one for me. There's you know, the
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: brain is more willing to engage with these statements if
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: you make it believable. If your brain perceives something as
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: believable because there is evidence or potential evidence, your brain
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: is more likely to be like yeah, okay, cool, yep.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: And when I talk about evidence, it's because, like I said,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: your past heavily influences these beliefs. So if you can
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: find a sceric of evidence, you'll be amazed at how
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: you can start to be a lot kinder with these thoughts. So,
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: for example, with me and how unorganized I am, I
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: have noticed that at nighttime one thing that I just
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: will not do anymore is leave the kitchen messy. Ever again,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I just hate it. So one thing that I've changed
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: is that the kitchen is clean, the coffee machine like
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: has water in the back of it, and the sterilizer
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: and the bottle thing is ready for the morning. That's organized,
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: so I can show that I have certain levels of organization.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: So that's evidence, and then I can start layering on
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: top of that. Okay, now, why is it that feelings
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: matter so much more than words? Because your brain is
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: responding to emotional experiences. Every time you get stuck in
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: a rut, ask yourself, what is the primary emotion I'm
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: feeling and how can I pivot this emotion? Because if
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not focusing on pivoting this emotion, I'm going to
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: stay in this rut. The brain responds to emotions and
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: like attracts like. So if I stay in this rut
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to intervene, it's likely that this
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: rut will be extended until an external influence comes in
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: and changes my mood. But I would like to be
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: able to change my own mood, thank you very much.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: So what can I do in order to do that.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: So we need to find something believable which then makes
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: us feel something. If you don't believe it, it's not
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: going to, you know, ignite a feeling. So emotional experiences
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: are what causes quick, effective changes in the brain. So
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: ideally positive, but we all know it negatively. We've all
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: experienced negative emotion that instantly changes your mood. But you
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: can do it in reverse. You can have a positive
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: experience that instantly changes your mood, and we all know it. Like,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: say you've been in a er mood and then someone
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: that you haven't seen for ages calls you and then
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: bang you forget about it. You're laughing on the phone.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I think you just have this really
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: positive experience or you maybe not in the best mood ever.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: And then you go and watch, you know, a sporting
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: match of your favorite team with some people, and then
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: they win and you have a great time. And so
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: we all know things that influence us, whether it be
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: something that we consume, or whether it be people around us,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: or whether it be whatever it is that can turn
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: our mood around relatively quickly, and then it puts things
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: into perspective. We're like, actually can feel better okay, but
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: that's emotion. We have to have something that drives emotions.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: So repeating words without this emotional engagement is going to
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: have a very very very limited impact. Okay. So you
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: want to think the most effective self talk is when
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: we are generating feelings associated with the belief. That is
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: why visualization is so helpful as a tool with affirmations,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: because when you can visualize, when you imagine yourself in
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: that position, when you can feel something so viscerally, then
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: the likelihood if you're feeling that emotion is going to
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: go up and up and up and up and up. Okay.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: So I am a huge advocate for visualization. Okay, And
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: if you're someone that's like I cannot be visualize myself
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: being confident because I fucking am not confident and it's
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: just not that's okay. I want you to then visualize
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: a time where you felt really relaxed, where you felt
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: really calm. Maybe it was a holiday that you went
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: on with you know, some friends a couple of years
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: ago and that time was just so good, or maybe
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: it was remind yourself of times because another thing you
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: want to think of is why do I want these things?
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Why do I want to be confident? Why do I
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: want to have money? Why do I there's always an
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: end goal feeling? Is it because I want peace of mind?
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Is it because I just want to feel calm and relaxed?
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Is it because I want excitement into my life? And
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: I want adrenaline? Do I want passion? Do I want romance?
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Do I want? What do you want? Once you identify
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: the feeling, get clear on the feeling, then we can
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: troll back through the back catalog of our lives and
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: think whenever I felt this before or something similar. Then
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: we can remember what that feeling is. And that's when
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: we bring it up. When we visualize something, we have
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: that moment of closing eyes and visualizing it. We summon
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: that fucking feeling that we felt in our past that
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: we'd like to feel again, and we try to bring
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: it in and then we say something that feels believable.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Then you've got feeling thought with emotion that's believable. The
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: brain believes it, and then bang with strengthen that pathway.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: Then we do it again, bang with strengthen the pathway,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: then bang it with Strengthen it's now a fucking highway,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: and now we can go to the next step, the
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: next step, the next step. Okay, but it requires persistence, consistency.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: So notice that what I'm saying doesn't seem so hard.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: It's well, that's a lie. It doesn't. It's it's simple,
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: but it's not easy. And the reason why it's not easy,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: it's because we're battling automatic thought processes with you know,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: something that we have to like manually insert in our
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: into our brains and manually push it and manually until
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: it becomes automatic. So it's really easy to slip back
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: into our old ways. That's why it's hard. The actual
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: action in that moment is relatively simple, but it it is.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: How do I remind myself often to do it? How
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: do I stay on top of these things? That's why
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: it takes a bit of time, And that's okay. Rather
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: it takes six months than you never do it, Rather
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: it take it year than you never do it. Sometimes
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: it's less than that. Sometimes it's just a month. It
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: just depends on where your starting point is, and everyone
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: starts in a different place. Okay, So I want you
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: to think you're not reciting statements to yourself. You are
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: practicing a state of being. You're remembering a state of
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: being and you're practicing that state of being, and you'll
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: be amazed at how you could change your state when
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: you rehearse something you felt before and you know what
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: that feeling is now. This affirmation and visualization, the more
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: we do it, the more we affirm things that mean
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: something to us, that feel real, that feel like we're
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: being validated, is like really helpful against this chronic psychological stress. Okay,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: So when you reflect on these things that are important
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: to you, your brain is less defensive, less reactive, and
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: it's able to process new information a whole lot easier. Okay,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: And this is why this kind of affirmation increases resilience
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: and it also increases openness to change. So once you
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: start doing that, and it makes sense because like I said,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: if you're less reactive, then you're more proactive. And when
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: you become a bit more open and proactive and you
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: believe in your ability is a bit more, you believe
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: that you are a bit more resilient, then you are
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: open to change. You think, you know what, I've never
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: thought about trying this thing, or I've never thought about
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: chatting to that person that I see every day. Maybe
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I'll just say, hi, I've never thought you start opening
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: all these doors that you never paid attention to in
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: the past. Because the more we affirm these things, and
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: this is what we see in brain scans different areas.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: If the brains start to fire up and you start
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: to feel like, wow, I feel a bit more in control.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to become aware of things that never crossed
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: my awareness before, but they were always there. Okay, you
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: be amazed at how much is there and what we
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: selectively pay attention to. And those people that you look
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: at that you think, oh my god, they're so confident.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: They're that there's all these shit things in front of
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: them too. They're just not saying it because they're primed
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: to look out for the things that affirm their belief system.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: So if you've got a really healthy belief system, you
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: might say, oh, yeah, well that was a negative thing,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: all right, But it's not like it's not really crossing
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: in too heavily, because overall their operating system is the
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: world is generally a good place. People are generally good people.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: I'm deserving of good things, I'm deserving of love, I'm
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: a lovable person. Cool, And that's kind of how they
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: go through life and they and they seek things subconsciously
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: that affirm that. Now, this is where we talk about
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: the reticular activating system. So this is the ras spoken
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: about it, I think surely a thousand times. But this
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: is what determines what information is going to reach your
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: conscious awareness or not. So when you repeatedly focus on
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: a thing, whether it's a goal, whether it's your identity,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: your brain is going to look out for more of
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: the same, like attracts, Like whether we're talking about cells
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: that fire together, wire together, whether we talk about thought patterns,
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: whether we talk about miserable people love to hang around
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: other miserable people, just like happy people like to hang
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: around happy people. Like attracts, like in general, especially when
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: we're talking about this energy that you're giving off. So
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: you know, it's not necessarily I'm manifesting this out of
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: thin air, but it's I'm getting better at this selective attention.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: You know, that whole thing of like, oh, you buy
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: a red car and then all of a sudden you
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: see red cars Everywhere's that? So if you're talking to
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: your friend about like a particular breed of dog, then all,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: what are the chances that you see that breed of
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: dog everywhere or a particular and I'm not talking about
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: when like, oh no, it's just that my phone is
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: listening to what I'm saying. I'm talking about technology aside.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: You are more primed to see things in your awareness
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: that normally would have just passed you by. And the
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: same thing goes when we're not referring to objects, but
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: when we are referring to experiences that we want to have.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: If I'm looking to have positive interactions with people and
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: strangers to smile at me, I'm going to be amazed
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: at how often I can make eye contact with the stranger.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: It's just that I've always walked with my head down
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: and I've not wanted to look at people. I'll be
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: amazed at how many people do just offer me a
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: smile or say hey, how's it going as they walk past,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Whereas before I would have never been open to any
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: of that. So therefore I wasn't looking for it and
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: I couldn't have interacted with it. And so there's all
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: these little moments in your life where you could have
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: an interaction, a conversation, something can happen and it will
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: change how you interact with the world. So the steps
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: of confidence. You want to think about it as your
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: thought influences your behavior. Your behavior and how you interact
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: with the outside world and people around you is going
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: to influence your experience. Right. If you behave a certain way,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: people and things and the outside world is going to
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: respond in a certain way. If you behave in this
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: other way, you're going to get a different response. These
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: experiences then influence your belief, and then these beliefs then
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: influence your future thoughts, and then these thoughts influence your behavior.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: The behavior influence your experience. Experience influence your belief, and
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: the belief influence So notice how just by changing these
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: thoughts that are backed with some emotion, that's what starts
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: the ball rolling, Okay, and that's why any of those
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: four things that I said can change. So, for example,
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: if I say your experience influences your belief, you have
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: something horrible happened to you, it influences your belief, and
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: then that belief influences your behavior. So it happens both ways.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: So how can I change the narrative? How can I
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: change my thoughts so instead of thinking that people are
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: not trustworthy, I can start to trust people. What's evidence
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: of people that are trustworthy. What is evidence of people
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: that have done good things for me and wanted nothing
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: in return. What is evidence of a good person in
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: my life? Or what evidence of a really healthy relationship.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I might not have had healthy relationships, but I can
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: see that there's many healthy relationships outside of me, and
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I can start identifying bang bang bang bang back, and
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: then before I know what, I start noticing healthy relationships
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: left right and center. Good working environments. I might have
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: always had the worst working environment possible, and I think
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: that all jobs are fucked, every employer is fucked. But
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: then maybe I can talk to some friends and say, look,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: just start to expand on what you want to look for,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: what do you want to seek, and start looking for
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: evidence of that, and then we start looking for evidence.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: It's going to influence the next thing, and the next
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: thing and the next thing. So this positive self talk
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: works best if you compare it with some sort of
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: action in the outside world, whether it be speaking to
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: people to get more evidence on their life situation or whatever,
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: whether it be that smile to the stranger, whether it
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: be interacting with someone differently, whatever, it is based on
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: your situation. Now, the next thing I want to cover
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: is these identity based affirmations are really powerful. You want
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: to be talking about things that are going to positively
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: influence your identity. When you say I am this, I
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: am an anxious person, I am That's very powerful. You're
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: saying this is my identity and this is something that
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: feels unchangeable. If I say I am this, so you
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: can start to change, it's saying I have a lot
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: of anxious thoughts. I have a lot of anxious thoughts
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: that I'm learning to deal with. Or my behaviors can
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: be unorganized and I'm learning to change that. I'm learning
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: to change these behaviors because I'm capable and I'm dynamic
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: and I'm ever changing and I've got self director in neuroplasticity.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: So I'm learning. It is a process and I'm on
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: that journey. Okay, So you know, you could start to
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: identify yourself as I'm someone who can handle hard things.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I'm someone who can deal with a difficult situation. I'm
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: someone that's really resilient, especially if you've had a hard life.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: Then you are the first person who could say that
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: someone who's cruised through on fucking easy Street might not
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: be able to say that as well as you could.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: You could have had a fucked upbringing who's more resilient
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: than that. You can say I'm resilient. Might have been
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: an awful thing, but I'm here, So knowing that I'm
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: resilient that lets me know that there's actually a lot
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: of good things about me. I've pushed through when it
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: was really fucking hard. So what else does that mean?
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: It means that I can't do difficult things I might
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: not want to, but I'm capable of bouncing back again.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: So that's a good way to start. You can start
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: looking at things in your life that might not have
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: been fucking easy or fair or kind or any of
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: those things. But you could look for evidence that shows
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: that there's something really positive in your character and you
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: use that as your identity. Instead of saying I'm unloved,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: you say I'm resilient and I've grown through this and
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: I've moved past these things and I've bounced back. Okay,
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: so this identity change. Instead of thinking I've got this
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: one external goal, you look at the languages and change
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: your identity, because then all the things you want in
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: life of goals, of being this and that starts to
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: fall into place when you start to speak about yourself
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: and your identity differently. Okay, And this is how cognitive
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: behavioral therapy uses self talk. Okay, it's this structured self talk.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: It teaches people to identify these distorted thoughts and how
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: they can change it. So you're evaluating the evidence, you'll
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: make a statement. This is one version of cognitive behavioral therapy.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: There's so much, it's so fucking good, and I highly
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: recommend if it's available to you, therapy and cognitive behavioral
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: therapy to really help restructure these thoughts. But for example,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: one of the things is you think of a thought,
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: a really strong thought that you're feeling, and you say,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: is this true or is this false? How much evidence
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: is there to prove that this is true? But how
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: much counter evidence can I come up with right now
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: as well? Because this might not actually be the truth.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: I might just be repeating patterns from my past. So
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: then it starts to give you a more balanced interpretation
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: of your own reality. And this then changes kind of
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: your emotional response to things, kind of one behavior at
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: a time. So a practical exercise for you to try
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: is you think of one automatic negative thought that you
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: repeat often to yourself, and I want you to think
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: of why you think that's the truth. So one piece
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: of evidence that supports that, and then I want you
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: to think of at least one, ideally three pieces of
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: evidence that don't make that a hard and fast fact.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: You know, where there's other examples that show the contrary,
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: that show that you have been confident or resilient, or
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: lovable or intelligent, or you know, confident. And then you
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: want to replace it with a statement that feels believable
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: and feels strong enough that you can kind of then
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: change your behavior today when you go out into the world.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: So instead of I always fail, you can do something like,
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: I've failed at some things, and I've succeeded at other things.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: So the reason why I'm saying I've always failed is
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: because I actually did fail a few things that I've
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: tried out. I've failed in that business that I tried,
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: So I'm not like saying that statement out of nowhere.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: But the reason why it's not completely true is because
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: look at these other things I've succeeded with. I managed
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: to get the apartment that I really wanted, I managed
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: to get that job that I wanted, I managed to
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: and you feel in all these other things that you've
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: succeeded in, So then you can say that you can
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: replace that statement with I've handled difficult situations before, I'm
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: able to handle difficult situations moving forward. So instead of
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: talking about failure, you're talking about how you deal with
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: something difficult, and whether you pass or fail. We're not
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: focusing on that right now. We're like, can I deal
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: with it? And yes, you can, even if you fail,
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: even if you win. All right, So that, in a nutshell,
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: is the episode of today. It is at the very least,
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: what I want this episode to provide for you is
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: for you to feel like there are tools that you
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: have available to you right now, with the resources that
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: you have to start making changes to influence your brain
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: to respond to things differently. Your brain is a tool,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: and sometimes for some people it feels like it's working
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: against you, and I understand why, and it can be
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: an uphill battle for many people. But there's always a
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: place that you can start, and there's always some changes
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: that can be made. You will be amazed, and it
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: sometimes feels like you're defeated. But when you start doing
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: this work and you start showing up, you know repeatedly,
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: again and again and again and again. You will be
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: amazed at the changes that you will see in your brain,
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: in your mind, in how you respond to the outside world,
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: and then in your experiences that come back because of that,
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: and then those experiences give you an emotion, and that
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: emotion leads to a belief change, and then that belief
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: change leads to a better response to yourself, and then
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: that better response leads to a better interaction with the
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: outside world and your experiences, and then it's that really
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: positive feed for would loop that I'm aiming that all
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: of you can get into. So thank you so much
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: for listening to today today's episode. I hope it was
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: really good food for thought for you. And no matter
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: where you're starting place, I want you to know that
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: there's always some change that can be done, and there's
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: always a spark that you can look for, and then
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: that can grow and grow and grow and grow into
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: a much bigger flame. Love you guys so much, Love
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: your support. I was in Nurisa the other day and
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: I had a couple of beans all like separately and
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: in Malulabah that came up and spoke to me and
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: I just, yeah, absolutely adore you guys, and seeing you
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: guys out in the wild is the best thing in
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: the world. And yeah, so please if you ever recognize
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: me and see me, please say hello because I love
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: to meet you guys. It literally just fills my heart
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: with joy. That is all for today's episode. Thank you
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: so much. As always, remember becind to yourself, be kind
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: to your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself. Dunk it.