Latest / Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach / EP 27: The Foolproof Way to Prioritizing What Matters

Transcript

EP 27: The Foolproof Way to Prioritizing What Matters · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

• 0:00
  So, as I'm recording this, we are heading into summer, and before I start filling up
• 0:07
  my calendar, I asked myself a different question.
• 0:11
  It wasn't, what do we want to do this summer?
• 0:14
  But it looked more like, how do I want this summer to feel?
• 0:19
  Because I think these are two very different questions.
• 0:22
  So I don't want a summer that feels rushed, and I don't want a summer that feels chaotic,
• 0:29
  and I really, really don't want a summer that feels like we're constantly running from
• 0:34
  one thing to the next, do you know what I mean?
• 0:37
  I want a summer that feels intentional, and once I got clear on how I wanted this season
• 0:44
  to feel, it became much, much easier to decide what was going to stay on my calendar and
• 0:51
  what had to go.
• 0:52
  And that got me thinking, I think this is where a lot of us get stuck.
• 0:56
  We are trying to prioritize our schedules before we've even decided what kind of life
• 1:01
  we are trying to build.
• 1:03
  So we're asking things like, what should I do next?
• 1:06
  Before we've even asked, what actually matters the most?
• 1:10
  And what I want to talk about today is not productivity and not getting more done, but
• 1:17
  how to prioritize in a way that creates way more satisfaction, more confidence, and less regret.
• 1:28
  If you're tired of people pleasing, caring too much, and wondering why peace still feels
• 1:33
  so hard to hold on to, you're in the right place.
• 1:36
  Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people pleaser, and Your Boundaries coach.
• 1:42
  Here we talk about how to protect your peace, set healthier boundaries, and get clear on
• 1:47
  what actually matters so that you can build a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more
• 1:53
  satisfying.
• 1:54
  So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms, catch our breath, and get into this next episode.
• 2:04
  Welcome back to Healthy Boundaries for Moms.
• 2:07
  Have you ever gotten to the end of a day completely exhausted and you still felt like
• 2:15
  things that mattered most didn't even get your best energy?
• 2:20
  You are not alone, my friend.
• 2:23
  I know we've all answered texts, ran the errands, folded the mountains of laundry, knocked out
• 2:32
  those appointments, went online, paid some bills, stayed busy all day.
• 2:38
  But when you put your head down on the pillow at night, you just have this feeling like
• 2:43
  you aren't really satisfied.
• 2:46
  And I think that's because a lot of us are spending our lives maintaining instead of
• 2:52
  intentionally building.
• 2:55
  And today I want to share a framework that has completely changed how I'm thinking about
• 3:00
  priorities.
• 3:02
  So the summer experiment.
• 3:05
  Let me tell you what this looked like for me.
• 3:08
  So this is how I was looking at my summer.
• 3:12
  Once I decided how I wanted my summer to feel, I started looking at everything through that
• 3:18
  lens.
• 3:19
  I wanted my kids to feel like they were investing their time wisely this summer.
• 3:23
  I want them to grow and I want them to learn.
• 3:26
  I really want them to spend some time outdoors and I definitely want them to be building
• 3:32
  relationships and creating memories.
• 3:36
  And suddenly those decisions became a lot easier through that filter.
• 3:41
  So my son is participating in an engineer program at Baylor and my daughter is also
• 3:47
  going to be attending Baylor the same week.
• 3:49
  And she's going to be exploring music composition and a type of like engineering class.
• 3:55
  Both of my kids are working towards testing out of a math class for the next year.
• 4:00
  And my son is trying to finish his book over the summer.
• 4:04
  He also has marching band further in the summer.
• 4:07
  But those are investments.
• 4:09
  Those are like deposits and I don't want the summer to be all about achievement either.
• 4:14
  So don't get me wrong on that.
• 4:16
  I do want parks and I want us to be swimming and I want us to be out in nature.
• 4:21
  I'm also planning a trip to Big Bend because I really want us to take the time to experience
• 4:28
  the calm and the beauty of God's creation.
• 4:31
  And I want that deep connection and coffee with friends, time with people that we love.
• 4:39
  And my son is also planned a workout schedule with his friends.
• 4:44
  So they're going to be doing that as well.
• 4:47
  And for my daughter, she is definitely prioritizing spending some time with the people that matter
• 4:52
  to her most.
• 4:54
  So when I look at our summer, I can see what matters.
• 4:56
  I can see the learning, the growth, the health, relationships, nature, and I see purpose.
• 5:05
  And because I know what I want this season to feel like, it really just becomes easier
• 5:11
  to decide what is going to stay and what's going to go.
• 5:14
  Not every opportunity is going to get a yes from me and not because it's bad, but because
• 5:21
  it's not aligning with what we're trying to build this season.
• 5:25
  And I think that's what prioritizing really is.
• 5:27
  It's just deciding what life you're trying to create and then making decisions that are
• 5:32
  in support of that vision.
• 5:35
  So I want to talk about how we've got to prioritize our life before we can prioritize tasks.
• 5:45
  So what do I mean by that?
• 5:46
  I think we need to start by prioritizing our vision.
• 5:50
  Like who are you becoming and what kind of life are you looking to build?
• 5:57
  What do you want in this season and what do you want it to feel like?
• 6:02
  Because if we don't answer those questions first, every request we get, every opportunity
• 6:07
  that comes along, every distraction that comes up, and there are so many, right?
• 6:12
  And every obligation just ends up competing on equal footing.
• 6:16
  Everything feels urgent and important.
• 6:20
  And I don't want you to feel bogged down with like creating this vision because it really
• 6:25
  can be fun.
• 6:27
  And if you like to flip through magazines or say you like to browse on Pinterest, or
• 6:33
  maybe you like to look for ideas on social media, again, be careful that inspiration
• 6:38
  doesn't become comparison.
• 6:40
  Sometimes that can be a trap on social media.
• 6:43
  So be careful.
• 6:45
  Comparison says, why don't I have that?
• 6:47
  You're need to be looking for inspiration.
• 6:50
  And when you look at something, it should feel more like I like that, or I'd like more
• 6:54
  of that in my life.
• 6:56
  And maybe you realize you love homes that feel peaceful, or maybe you're drawn to people
• 7:01
  who spend time outdoors.
• 7:03
  How about maybe the women that you see that prioritize their health and you find that
• 7:08
  admirable.
• 7:10
  Maybe you love seeing families that are connected and they're intentional.
• 7:13
  So paying attention to those things, not because you're trying to be like somebody else, but
• 7:18
  because that may reveal what's actually matters to you.
• 7:24
  Sometimes the things we're drawn to in someone else tells us something about what we would
• 7:29
  like to create in our own lives.
• 7:31
  So give yourself permission to re-choose.
• 7:35
  One of the most beautiful things about creating a vision is that it gives you permission to
• 7:40
  choose again, re-choose.
• 7:43
  Maybe you've been doing things a certain way for years, and maybe you've accumulated some
• 7:48
  commitments that are not fitting anymore in this season of your life.
• 7:53
  And maybe routines that aren't really serving you anymore need to go.
• 7:59
  And there could be areas of your life that are creating more stress than is giving you
• 8:03
  peace.
• 8:04
  And sometimes we assume because something has always been there that it has to stay
• 8:09
  like that.
• 8:10
  And that is not necessarily true.
• 8:14
  Every season gives us an opportunity to ask the question, would I choose this again?
• 8:21
  Does this still align with who I'm becoming?
• 8:24
  Because sometimes I think the most important priority isn't adding something.
• 8:29
  We've talked about that on prior podcasts.
• 8:32
  Sometimes it's just about removing something and making more room for other things.
• 8:38
  Sometimes it's cleaning out what no longer serves you and repurposing your life around
• 8:43
  what matters most.
• 8:46
  Just like how we might take out things out of a room in our home and we redesign it to
• 8:50
  work better to serve our family.
• 8:52
  We can do the same things with schedules and routines and commitments.
• 8:56
  So I want to talk about the pillars that matter.
• 9:02
  Once you decide who you're becoming, you can start to identify your pillars.
• 9:07
  And what do you, what do I mean by pillars?
• 9:09
  Pillars could be something like your faith, health, relationships, community, and friends,
• 9:17
  home and stewardship, purpose and growth.
• 9:19
  These are all areas that I want to be investing consistently, not perfectly consistently,
• 9:26
  so routinely.
• 9:27
  Because every day I'm either making deposits into those pillars or I'm not.
• 9:33
  And there is something else I've noticed.
• 9:36
  Confidence is built when we keep those promises that we make to ourselves.
• 9:41
  We tend to be very, very good at keeping commitments to everyone else, right?
• 9:45
  Especially as moms.
• 9:47
  But often the promises that we begin making to ourselves are the first ones we break,
• 9:52
  right?
• 9:53
  The workout gets pushed to tomorrow or the devotional gets skipped, the walk gets skipped,
• 9:59
  and the goal that we said mattered gets moved to next week.
• 10:02
  And every time we repeatedly break these promises we are making to ourselves, we are eroding
• 10:09
  the trust in ourselves.
• 10:12
  But every time, this is the positive part, every time we keep a promise to ourselves,
• 10:17
  we are building confidence.
• 10:19
  We are building proof that what we say matters.
• 10:23
  And confidence isn't just by accomplishing big things, it's built by consistently and
• 10:29
  daily honoring what we said was important.
• 10:33
  So here's a distinction that helped me tremendously.
• 10:38
  There are deposits and then there is maintenance.
• 10:43
  Maintenance moves you towards the person that you are becoming.
• 10:46
  But maintenance just keeps life functioning.
• 10:49
  So what would maintenance look like?
• 10:51
  That would be the laundry, the bills, the groceries, the appointments we have to get
• 10:55
  to, the emails we've got to answer, errands we've got to run.
• 11:01
  And maintenance does matter.
• 11:02
  Don't get me wrong.
• 11:03
  We need that to live a full life.
• 11:05
  But maintenance alone does not create fulfillment.
• 11:10
  So let me say that again.
• 11:12
  Maintenance alone does not create fulfillment.
• 11:15
  And here's something I've learned.
• 11:17
  Maintenance doesn't have to consume every day.
• 11:20
  Laundry can have its day, groceries can have a day, errands can have their day, and you
• 11:27
  can put bills on a separate day.
• 11:29
  When we batch maintenance, we create more room for the things that actually move our
• 11:34
  lives forward.
• 11:36
  Otherwise it's so easy to just spend every day reacting to the little things and never
• 11:42
  making those meaningful, important deposits into what matters most.
• 11:47
  So let's look at money and see how this kind of relates here.
• 11:52
  Because most of us understand the difference between living paycheck to paycheck and starting
• 11:57
  to invest your money.
• 11:59
  So when you're living paycheck to paycheck, every dollar is spent maintaining, right?
• 12:04
  You're just staying above water.
• 12:06
  You're paying bills, you're covering your expenses, and you're keeping things running.
• 12:10
  And there is nothing wrong with that.
• 12:12
  But you are not building wealth.
• 12:15
  And I think a lot of moms are living lives exactly like that.
• 12:18
  We're spending all our time paying life's bills.
• 12:21
  We're doing all of those things and we're getting them done.
• 12:25
  But we're never investing.
• 12:27
  A workout is an investment, prayer also an investment, reading is an investment.
• 12:35
  So working on your goals is an investment.
• 12:38
  Even when you work on your relationships, that's an investment into the future.
• 12:44
  And meal planning, that's a huge investment in your health.
• 12:47
  And we know one investment won't change your life, right?
• 12:51
  But we also are aware that repeated investments compound.
• 12:55
  Just like a mutual fund, strength compounds, and confidence compounds, peace compounds.
• 13:02
  All of these things, all these pillars, relationships, they compound and they create momentum.
• 13:09
  And eventually you begin to experience the return on those investments.
• 13:13
  This is why proactive living matters so much.
• 13:17
  Because being proactive creates that margin that we're looking for.
• 13:22
  And margin creates confidence.
• 13:25
  Meal planning isn't really about food.
• 13:28
  It's about helping future you.
• 13:31
  Just like planning your workouts isn't really about your calendar.
• 13:35
  It's about helping future you.
• 13:38
  Looking at your week ahead and planning your budget, or how about scheduling your appointments
• 13:43
  before they come urgent.
• 13:45
  These are all investments in future you.
• 13:47
  They create the breathing room that you're looking for.
• 13:51
  And they're reducing stress and giving you momentum at the same time.
• 13:56
  So the goal is to stop living reactively and start creating those little pockets of space
• 14:02
  between you and the next emergency.
• 14:06
  So one question I've started asking myself, will future me thank me for this?
• 14:11
  Because future you is either going to thank you or is going to rescue you.
• 14:17
  So meal planning, future you says thank you.
• 14:20
  Preparing for the week, future you says thank you.
• 14:24
  Getting your workout in, what do you think?
• 14:26
  Future you is going to thank you.
• 14:28
  How about ignoring everything until it becomes urgent?
• 14:32
  Now future you has to rescue you.
• 14:36
  So as you're listening to this, I don't want you to feel exhausted.
• 14:40
  And I don't want you to feel like this is another list of things that you've got to
• 14:43
  do and improve.
• 14:44
  That's not the point.
• 14:45
  The point is to get excited about what you're building.
• 14:48
  This should be fun and it should feel motivating.
• 14:52
  It should give you some invigoration because you're not looking for everything that's wrong.
• 14:58
  You're just looking for possibilities and you're looking for opportunities.
• 15:02
  You're looking for what would make you excited to wake up and live your life.
• 15:06
  A good vision should pull you forward and not push you harder and put more pressure
• 15:12
  on you.
• 15:13
  We're not trying to build a life that's fuller and busier.
• 15:18
  We're building more peace and more growth and intentionality.
• 15:22
  So what does scripture say about this?
• 15:24
  In Philippians, Paul prays that believers would grow in wisdom and discernment so they
• 15:31
  could discern what is best.
• 15:33
  Not what is good and not what's urgent needs to be done right away, but what is best.
• 15:39
  That means prioritizing really is deciding what is best.
• 15:44
  It is discerning what deserves your time and attention and energy this season.
• 15:51
  And in Ephesians, we're reminded to live wisely and make the most of our opportunities.
• 15:56
  Not by cramming more into our days, but by being intentional with the days that we've
• 16:00
  been given.
• 16:02
  So before we finish, I want to come back to something I mentioned earlier.
• 16:05
  When we put our head on the pillow at night, okay, we're usually going to feel one of two
• 16:11
  things, either satisfaction or regret.
• 16:16
  Not because we got everything done, nobody gets everything done, but because deep down
• 16:22
  we know whether we invested in what mattered.
• 16:25
  Did we make those deposits?
• 16:27
  Did we keep those promises that we've been making to ourselves?
• 16:32
  Did we move toward the person we are trying to become?
• 16:36
  Because satisfaction is a multiplier.
• 16:39
  It creates momentum, it builds confidence, it makes that next healthy decision so much
• 16:45
  easier.
• 16:46
  However, regret tends to do the complete opposite.
• 16:50
  It discourages us, it makes us feel stuck, it makes us feel like we're just constantly
• 16:55
  starting over every Monday.
• 16:57
  And that's why prioritizing matters.
• 17:00
  Not because we're trying to become more productive, but because we're trying to create a more
• 17:04
  satisfied and less regretful life.
• 17:08
  And so here's my challenge for you this week, ask yourself, how do I want this season to
• 17:14
  feel?
• 17:15
  Who am I becoming and what are my pillars?
• 17:20
  What deposits can I make into those pillars starting today?
• 17:26
  And when you are deciding between two tasks, ask, am I paying a bill or am I making an
• 17:32
  investment?
• 17:33
  Because the most satisfying days aren't usually the days we got everything done.
• 17:37
  I mean, we've all been on a day like that and still we weren't satisfied.
• 17:43
  The days that we invested are the ones that matter most.
• 17:47
  The days we made deposits into the person that we are becoming.
• 17:51
  And over time, those deposits will compound into a life that you are excited to live.
• 17:58
  Hey friends, I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
• 18:02
  If so, would you take 30 seconds and go join our free Facebook page at Healthy Boundaries
• 18:09
  for Moms?
• 18:10
  That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working, and support each other in real life.
• 18:15
  I will also share some great tools and tips to help you along this journey.
• 18:20
  I have also included a link to sign up for our brand new weekly newsletter in the Facebook
• 18:25
  group.
• 18:26
  Don't forget to hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple.
• 18:29
  It really lets me know that this podcast is helping you.
• 18:33
  More importantly, it helps more women find this podcast.
• 18:35
  Now go say no to something that's stealing your peace and say yes to something you actually
• 18:41
  need.
• 18:42
  And I'll meet you back here in the next episode.