Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Ep 17 Pillow Fort Sessions | Ambiverts Unveiled: Bridging the Gap Between Introverts and Extroverts

Transcript

Ep 17 Pillow Fort Sessions | Ambiverts Unveiled: Bridging the Gap Between Introverts and Extroverts · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to our Kiki Campfire of the Pillowport Sessions.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, got the name right the first time.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: This is your number one hostess ever.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: The cuddliest of gigolos.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: The comedonius comedinius, comedionius of el comedones I don't even know how to say that.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Say that in the Spanish, espanol way.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: But the captains, the captains.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: The Juliuses of Juliuses, hh Julius.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: I forgot my other nicknames.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I was going to pick another one, but I can't remember.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: John McBigby here for another episode for you doing the solo thing.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Once again, hope you all enjoy these.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I know they're not specifically having to do with kink, bdsm and non-monogamy, but I feel like they're very helpful in the proverbial way Hopefully helpful to somebody out there that doesn't know about any of this.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I believe you need these things.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: It doesn't really matter what your orientation is and all the different lifestyles, whatever it is.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I think these are helpful in any relationship you have Relationship, family, ship, friendship any of them ships.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: All these stuff I talk about is very helpful.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Once again, we are going into the personality traits area.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: As I start this podcast episode here, I'm going to get into it, but first y'all know what time it is.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: It's the what's you Drinking?
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: 30-second ASMR.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Right now it is a work day, school day in the middle of the day.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: So Julius is drinking a Sparking Lice, not sponsored caffeine, zero sugar, the cherry vanilla flavor.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: It is getting me up and peppy for the rest of my day.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It is still midday, so I still got more day to go.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: How many times can I say day in a minute?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Let's count it.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: And while you're counting I will count the ASMR 30 seconds here.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Hopefully it lasts 30 seconds.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: This thing is not completely full so it might not be 30 seconds.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: As y'all know, we fluff them, numbers up a little bit.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Fluffing is a very practical use of your time and I don't want to shame to the people that do fluffing.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I'm very much proud of that.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: If y'all know what I'm talking about, then that is good.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: You're in the inside joke.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: But here we go, let's just get into it.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Three and a two and Ah, so cold.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Um, okay, contrastically, it is a million degrees outside where we live here in the Florida state area.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: But that drink was very cold, so sweating on the outside, freezing on the inside of my mouth.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: But that was delicious.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: And if y'all like very much enjoyed that, let me know.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Like very much enjoyed that, let me know Once again, we put out episodes most of the time on the second and fourth Thursdays of the month, the group episodes.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I put these pillow fort sessions out every once in a while and if y'all enjoy that, make sure you like, rate it on what our app you're on Spotify, itunes, amazon music, whatever it is and thank you for those people that download the uh, the episodes really much appreciate that.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Apparently we are very much um in a slump for podcast people.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know if y'all listeners know this or watch the numbers, but us podcasters know that we watch the numbers and it's like up and down, uh, with the numbers and everything.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Apparently y'all out there doing stuff is a heat wave for most of the country, so everybody's just going out and doing stuff.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Understandably, hopefully on your road trips you download one or two episodes of something out there.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Support podcasting.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Uh, it's not like it's hard to do, it's a creative outlet.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I know for me I can't speak for everybody, but it is a creative outlet and do appreciate that Don't really need the money because it is a hobby, but if you want more fancy stuff then I know you support it and hopefully you come to Campfire Kingsters both with K's the Instagram.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Let me know what you're thinking.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Feel free to message me on there If you want to hear or possibly see.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I could talk Miss Rue into finally doing like an undercover thing.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Like I was saying before, we have to do some like a black background, shadowy type thing for her and then I'll put myself on the camera.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I have no problem with that and then we'll get some actual videos out there.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: If you guys want to see that, let me know.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: That'd be great.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: But for now I'm going to get into this episode.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: No more rambling about the back end stuff.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Let's get serious, because I'm serious all the time.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Ser series is a heart attack, as they say.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: But I'm out here, out here, out here in my house, and man checking over the Instagram stuff, because I said it, I got distracted, started looking at all the Instagram stuff.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: You know, doom scrolling it's great.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: So if y'all don't know, campfire Kingsters, we subscribe to a lot of stuff on the Instagram stuff.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: You know, do scrolling it's great.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: So if y'all don't know, can't fire Kingsters, we subscribe to a lot of stuff on the Instagram.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Most of it's BDSM, poly related, as that is our focus.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: But there there are also, uh um, anime stuff.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: As you know, we do a little bit of geeking on the end and we like to do that, we like to do that, we like to do the geek stuff as well.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: So all that, all that is out there, okay.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: So this episode not so much specifically related to uh, specifically related to kinkabdsm, as I was saying before, but, um, I talked about a similar topic before and that was the introverts.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: So now we're skipping over the extroverts and talking specifically about the ambiverts.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I feel like everybody talks about extroverts and I kind of spoke on it when I was talking about introverts, but it's a very common topic.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Those binaries are pretty much all over the place now.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: Social media y'all heard enough about it.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: But I don't think the ambiverts, and also foreshadowing the omniverts, is a word or discussion or personality trait that gets talked about a lot and we are out here too, doggone it.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to talk about ambiverts today, because a lot of people don't understand this.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: If you're flip-flopping between introverts and extroverts, depending on the situation you're in, you might be an ambivert, you might be a redneck, but the personality trait version of it Okay.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: So getting down into it, ambivertism or ambivert personality trait is defined as a person with features of both introvertism and extrovertism in their personality, sometimes called outgoing introverts or extroverted introverts or introverted extroverts.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: So instead of doing all that word lingoing, we decided to just make a new word for it.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: It's called ambivert.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: So if you flip-flop between the two, and it really depends on what situation you're in, then you might be an ambivert, like I said before.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: And then different names, as I said outgoing introvert oh, I didn't say that yet, did I?
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Outgoing introvert, so introverts who can be outgoing in certain situations, around certain people or when you need to be.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: So if you can turn that switch on and off, you might be an introvert, introvert, ambivert.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: And then also another name is antisocial extrovert, so extroverts who need time to recharge before socializing or who like to be alone more than a typical extrovert.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: So once again we're in the gray area of the spectrum.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: We're right in the middle, pretty much or slightly off center, and really, once again, like I said in the intro introvert episode so slightly like parentheses extrovert episode it depends on where you get your energy from.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: How do you recharge?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: You recharge when you are in solitude or do you recharge in a very crowded social situation or just any social situation in general.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: So we so, when we are talking about ambiverts, we are talking about people that can go out and not really I don't know recharge in a social situation, but they don't lose as much energy, depending on the specific social situation, and then need the alone time, the solitude, in order to recharge.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: But do enjoy the social outings, depending on the situation.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Once again, I'm going to say this a lot in this episode it depends on the situation that you're in.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So if you can be sociable, it's like you can be sociable depending on what it is that you might be an introvert, okay, and another name also is social introvert introverts who behave more extroverted when needed.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, you have a choice.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: This is a switch that is flipping.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: You are voluntarily flipping this switch and you I would say, enjoy it, can do it.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of specific words you need there, campsters but yeah, if you're able to do this, whether you find joy in it or not, I guess I guess you wouldn't need to really find joy in it, but if you can do this, then you might be an ambivert.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I know for me specifically I think I've said this in previous episodes though I'm an ambivert, because I'm good if it's an intimate situation.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: So with friends it can be 20, 30, 40 people, as long as I know most of those people, or those people know people.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: It's like the different zones that I was talking about before.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: So I'm good if the people, the friends I have more.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: So like pretty much zone one, inner circle people.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: But if it's filled with people they know are, but I don't know very well, so these could be like zone two or zone three people for my zone one friends, they know them could be like zone one or zone two for them.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Uh, I'm totally fine with that.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: What I get stressed out is when I'm in a new situation.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know anybody there, I don't care how many people it is, it could be like 10 people.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know anybody there, I don't care how many people it is, it could be like 10 people, but I don't know any of those people.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I'm more stressed out, obviously, when it's less people, then I'm pretty good.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So if it's like less than 10 people but I don't know them, I can kind of survive, not too bad.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Or if people are like clicked up and I can bounce from different social well, different groups, then I do a little bit better, but my energy mostly comes from being in my solitude but then going out and being sociable at the same time, but for very limited and very specific situations.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I got a finite cap on my social energy and I will just bounce when it's gone.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I'm all about trying to maximize my time.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of weird because it's almost like working out or doing some cardio or something I try to maximize how long I can run or walk or elliptical for, and it's the same thing with social situations.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: So they still have not figured out is this is like a nature versus nurture thing.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: As far as your personality trait, whether you're an introvert, extrovert, ambivert, omnivert, whatever it is but it's been shown in studies that you can switch over time.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: That is also a self-reported study.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: So I would argue people just learn better social skills and then they cut down on their energy loss.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: So it's not so much they switch personality traits, but they can learn how to use their energy more efficiently, which hopefully in these episodes, campsters, I'm hopefully making you self-aware so you can do this.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Not so hard to be self-aware for the introverts, more so with the extroverts, but, once again, awareness through education.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: You didn't know this before and I'm telling you now.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: This is a thing that a lot of people go through and we are here for you around the Kink Campfire and Julius likes to talk about this in his Pillowfort sessions and answer questions and be anecdotal and all those different things.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: These are the facts, more factual than not.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: If you guys have not listened to the Pillowfort sessions before, just so you know this is going to be more factual than entertaining.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Julius has his glasses on and his smart thinking cap on when I write this.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I literally do research on this and now I'm just talking from a whole page of notes that I acquired through my research.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: So the research continues.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: It will always continue.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: So think of this like a pit stop in life.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: This is just one of those things like, oh, make you aware of, and then we experience it for ourselves and then we talk about it later.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: But more on Amberverse now, as I ramble on, we're going back to Ambervertism.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: So basically, amberverse enjoy spending time with others, but also value their alone time and need time to recharge after social situations as I just described.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: That is 100% me.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: So I very much identified with this word when I first learned about it and it's kind of being put out there a little bit, not so much as introvertism or extrovertism, because people still don't know there's a word for it being in between, or extrovertism because people still don't know there's a word for it being in between.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Introverted, extrovert is more used than ambivert and it's like we have words for this.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: There's research on this, there's books on this.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I looked it up on Audible.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: There are books on this.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Ambivert is a word you can search for and there are books that have this word in the title.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: It's a thing so, based on research, the smart people uh, they believe well, not really believe they've come to find out through their research that more than half of the population is an ambivert.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Um, I would attend to agree with that.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I would attend.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I would tend to agree with that, because a lot of people, as humans can do, can make the decision between how they want to interact in social situations.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: So a lot of people have learned I don't know if it was like purposefully or not, or they were just kind of like societally pressured into it you have to be able to thrive in different social situations, especially for like work or something like that.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you can be successful monetarily.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: However you define success, you can't do it without talking to people.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you would even do that Because, even like streamers, you talk to a camera, but you're still talking to people.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: So you have to be somewhat sociable and you can't be really entertaining without being sociable at all.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I don't know how that would work.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Amberversion, coined in the early 20th century by Kimball Young, a psychologist, believed everyone has both introvert and extrovert qualities and everyone is on a spectrum.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Now, this I 100% agree with.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: A lot of people like to live in the binary, which I believe is wrong.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: It's terrible to think that most people are binary, one thing or another that people can't evolve.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: It is a spectrum.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: So it depends on the day, it depends on the time.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: It depends on the day, depends on the time, depends on the weather Light, dark outside, the moon's up, the moon's down, whatever it is, depends on the situation.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: People are on a spectrum, can't expect people to be the same every day, or even on the same day.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: It's just doesn't make any sense.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: A few hours later it could be something different.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I acquire information and it changes my mood.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: It's 100% thing.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: So it depends on how I'm feeling.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I've gone into a routine where I'm getting ready for a social situation all week, be like five days out of the week I'm ready to go, and then it come 30 minutes before the thing.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: It's like I get hit with something, learn something new, and it's like, ah, it throws me all off and the opposite happened.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: So literally just changes all up.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: So, as an introvert, most of the time I need to prep for a social situation, but I could I don't know all things could go to hell before I even get in the car to go to said social function and I'm just out of it completely.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting there quietly in the corner by myself and people have to like pull information out of me.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Quietly in the corner by myself and people have to like pull information out of me.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: But it is a spectrum and it changes all the time.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So this is what I want y'all campsters to be aware of this stuff changes all the time.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: So, once again, unspoken expectations leave lead to predetermined resentments.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: It's 100 thing.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Don't be assuming all this kind of stuff.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Horrible, horrible to assume.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Ask questions, ask why, goodness, if I don't get anything across before this podcast runs its course, however long they may be, good lord, let's just cut down on the assumptions by people.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Goodness, okay, so, amber birds, let's talk about the origin or the theory of uh, where it kind of came of, because there's.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: No, there's.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: You can do research in all these different things, but they still have not figured out where, like, it came from.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: Nature versus nurture, whatever?
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Once again hearkening back to the uh, myers-briggs, um study, personality traits, categorizations, whatever you want to call it.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: This introvert and extrovertism, once again we knew is based on Carl Jung's exploration of the human psychology.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Extroversion is an outward turning of libido versus introversion, which is an inward turning of libido.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Most think that libido is a sex drive thing, but here it is referred to as a motivation to do various behaviors.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: So not just sex, it's a motivation.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Are you internally motivated or externally motivated?
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: And once again that has to do with your extrovertism or introvertism, I know.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: For me it's kind of weird because I do identify as an introvert but I'm not super internally motivated, which is kind of crazy.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Once again, another sign I could be an introvert because I need that external motivation to do a lot of things.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: It's kind of sad to see, but also good to know it's annoying, but once again, the spectrum.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: So a lot of people can have lots of one trait and also a little bit of another trait.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: So it's not a binary thing, horrible Goodness.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: It is a spectrum, people.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: It's not just has to do with autism, it's a spectrum.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: There's different spectrums for all different kinds of things.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Depends on the situation.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Also, studies have shown that your orientation can change over time.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: There's literally studies that prove that it's a spectrum.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, your orientation can change over time.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: It could be related to social standing, like I said, it could be related to mental health, whatever financial situation, relationship status, what's going on with your family, all these different kinds of things.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Ah, chili, okay, I mean, there's studies on this, research being done.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: It's not just Julius talking to himself riling himself up.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: There's all kinds of different studies based on this type of thing.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about the characteristics of ambiverts.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: So you might be an ambivert if you can be talkative and assertive but not sociable Okay, so you're able to explain yourself very confidently, but you might not be the one that talks to everybody in a room.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's kind of hyperbolic, but you get what I'm saying when I'm talking about you know picture in your head.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: You can picture people that just seem to be able to talk to anybody and anything Grocery store clerk or something like that.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: It's like, no, I don't want to talk to everybody, but when I do pick that person to talk to quote, unquote, pick I will talk to them a lot and I will talk with confidence.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I know for me people believe all kinds of stuff that come out of my mouth.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: As I said before a side note campsters, don't listen to me, do your own research.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: I'm literally passing along information that I got off the Internet that I believe in.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I believe in it because, from from my experience, this most of this has come to be true.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I literally started this podcast thing and doing all this research and talking to the air because I believe in this stuff and for me, my life has always been oh, there's a word for that.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I've felt that way all this time, didn't know there was a word for it.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's very interesting.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Um, that, oh, looky, here there's, there's research being done on this.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've been feeling this way for decades now.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: Didn't know why, but there's somebody that went and did the work to find out this thing and talk to people and then put it all on paper.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, okay, there you go, so that's you know.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Back to the characteristics that's one of the things I know for me that I've done and didn't know, and it's like, oh, I'm an ambivert, that fits me perfectly.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Another characteristic varies depending on the situation, but the big thing here I've said that a bunch of times already depends on the situation, but also, like in parentheses, able to adapt.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: You are able to adapt in different social situations.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: You go in, you're very mindful of yourself, you know how you react and you'll be like, oh, in this social situation, this is appropriate.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Sure, that's a good word, we'll use that.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Appropriate is good enough.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, you're able to adapt.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Some people, you know some people depends on where you're at on the spectrum where you identify the most with not able to adapt.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: In any such situation, you get burnt out and got to go.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Amberverts are a little bit better to are a little bit better and able to adapt when they're thrown into different situations.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I know me, I need a little bit of a heads up, but if it's a situation I've been in before, then it's like ooh, okay, I can be comfortable.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: That's a big thing.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Being able to be comfortable in social situations shows what kind of confidence you have.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: How do we get confidence?
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Surviving failures you make a mistake, you bounce back up, you get back on that horse all the different idioms that they have out there, dust your pants off and try again.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: That is how you build confidence.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not the one that said that originally.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: There are smarter people that came up with that formula for me and I just believe it.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to keep saying it.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, surviving failure.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't want to try stuff and that doesn't raise your self-esteem and build your confidence.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: If you're not willing to try stuff, you got to be willing to try stuff.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Make a mistake and you know, learn from your mistake and keep on going.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Uh, okay.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: So speaking of which characteristics?
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: Once again, good communication, listening and speaking.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: You will be moved back and forth from the two.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I would argue it might be my ego.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Talking.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I'm very good at communicating.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: No, no one needs to tell me.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I validate myself.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I'm a good communicator and I'm learning all the time.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: So I'm good now.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean I'm going to stop learning.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: This is one of the reasons I started this whole journey of research and everything is.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I want to be better at communication.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: So I'm actually intentionally trying to get better.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Communication is a skill.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know why people think you have to be a talented communicator or like I'm not good at talking.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: It's like well, did you practice?
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: What research have you done?
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: There's literally videos and books and everything how to be a better communicator.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Have you practiced any of those skills?
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: No, then that's why you suck at it.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: It's like learn to be better or try to be better.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Literally, try, do the thing and then see how you can be better at it, take notes and try again.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, rambled again Back to characteristics Amberverts are comfortable with large groups and small, intimate gatherings.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: So this is what I was saying before I knew I was an ambervert.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Because it's like, depending on the group situation, I'm good with large groups.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: If I'm filled in a room with a bunch of kinky and or geeky people, I'm like, ooh, these are my peoples, I'm good with this.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: And then intimate gatherings if they're intimate friends, so inner circle friends, I'm totally fine with that.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: It's just when you start adding new people in there and I have no idea the trait of that is mine could be the introvert side or the hypervigilant side.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: When I see ego, though, that completely turns me off.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I can't even, I don't even want to be in the same room with somebody with a huge ego.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: It's like ugh, too much.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: And then, not surprisingly, another characteristic able to work solo or in teams.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: So I know for me, for the most part I like to work solo, but depending on the team situation once again depends on the situation.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: If I have reliable people, then I can work in a team, but if I have to do the work for somebody, or do too much work or don't have the energy or something like that, it's like no, if this person's hard to talk to and communicate with, then no, I'm not working with you, that's it.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I'd rather work by myself, which, just how it is.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I mean somebody that's more on the extrovert side might be able to draw some information out of those people.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I just don't have the energy for it, can't do it.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Not me, I'm not putting my finger on my nose, not I, no, you're supposed to put your finger on your nose.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Then you get I don't know, I don't know how that game works.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I'm always slow to do it because I'm like why is everybody picking their nose.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Oh wait, it's on their nose, whoops, but anyways, okay.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Another characteristic here they are able to regulate behavior and responses.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: So instead of being a very emotional person, reactive person, let's try to put a little distance between when we notice the thing and we respond.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: So we have to take a minute here to figure out how we're going to respond and then respond in the correct way before we just jump to the conclusion or whatever it is.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: So ambiverts are a little bit better than extroverts and introverts with this.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I think introverts would probably just like process the whole thing and overthink and then miss out on the opportunity.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: But we ambiverts, being more in the middle of the spectrum, can take time to process the reaction before we give it and not be super emotional with it, which I believe they say is more an extrovert thing, where you become more emotional, don't really think about what you're saying before you speak Not good, overthinking is not too good, and once again there's a spectrum as well, and then not thinking so got to be somewhere in the middle.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Also, ambiverts are less stressed in multiple situations.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: So, yes, more flexible, able to adapt in different situations, which is very good for ambiverts, I would say.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that thing was like oh okay, so that's why I can do that.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: I so, yeah, that that thing.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh okay, so that's why I can do that.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I'm an ambivert.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I can handle multiple situations where I don't know what it is, but I just have a lot of people that identify as introverts, more so a little bit extroverts.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Not too many people identify as ambiverts.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: As I said, not very a common term as of, but we are getting it out there people.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: But yeah, introverts don't like to do stuff and it's like, oh yeah, I'm lonely or whatever, or I'm single, but I don't want to go out in this social thing because people suck, dating apps suck.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: It's like, how are you going to meet people if you don't go out there?
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I don't understand it.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Find a hobby or something, find something you like fun to do and then try that, instead of just going out randomly.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: I don't understand.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: I don't understand.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: But we're out here.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I'm giving this information to people.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Here you go.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: A couple more characteristics here to talk about.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Amberverts are more flexible and adaptable because can draw from both sides of the spectrum, which is pretty nice Going into social situations.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Can be more flexible because I will take the time to recharge my batteries.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: So there'll be times I'll go quiet.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Even in a crowded room I can be in my solitude because nobody's interacting with me.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: I'm just sitting there and I've also learned how to be less hypervigilant, so I don't really care how people perceive me, especially people I don't know or have never talked to.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: It's like you can come talk to me, but I'm not going to pursue a conversation with you.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: I'm recharging my batteries, but you can if you want to.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not here for people's judgments, especially if they don't know who I am, don't even know my name.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: It's like you can think whatever you think.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: It doesn't affect me in the least bit.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: So a hundred percent be able to do that, which is very interesting to me because I believe through meditation, anybody can do that.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: So even if you're an introvert going into a public situation, I'm like nobody's talking to you.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Why are you getting stressed out for it?
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: It's like you just have your, your awareness turned all the way up.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: It's like nobody cares, or like people that can't go into a public place without being super.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: It's like you realize most of those people don't even know you were there.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Like nobody cares that you're there.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Why are you caring what people think?
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Even if you're getting anxious for nothing Like it's just, if you do any kind of research or reading or watching of anything, you realize that you go into the social, most of those people don't care what you look like.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: They don't even pay attention that you're there in the first place, because, also, a lot of those people are in their own thing.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: They're worrying about themselves or how they look, so they really couldn't care less about some random person they never even spoke to.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's very interesting to me how that works out.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Lastly, here, as I ramble on some more, amberworks can process thoughts and emotions out loud and internally, talking with others or doing a solo activity like writing, or just self-journaling, whatever it is which is writing.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I said that twice pretty much.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, we can flip-flop.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: So, depending on who we're talking to, if people actually know how to listen, I will go ahead and talk to that person about it.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: That's the hardest part, though, is having a conversation with somebody that actually listened.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: In that case, I'd rather just process my own thoughts and emotions myself, because, yeah, if you're not going to listen, then I'm not going to talk.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: That that takes more energy out of me, if you're.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: If I'm trying to talk to somebody that's not paying attention, it's like that.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: That maximizes my energy.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Right there I will shut down because I'm completely tapped out at that point.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, all right, you know what Saves me more time and energy.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: So think about it myself, or talk to you.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: People, somebody's listening.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I see the downloads.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: They have gone down but they are still continuing.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: So somebody's listening to this.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Oh man, okay.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: So some I don't want to say negatives some hardships for amberverts.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Uh, just talk about a couple of those here.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: As we finish up.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: We are hitting that 30 minute mark, more so or more so or less.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: So we're going to finish up here on this pillow fort session.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: A couple hardships for amberverts.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: They may, or we may, find it difficult to embrace either side at the exclusion of the other.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: So sometimes you want to do both but you can't.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: It's not possible.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's a thing about the spectrum there.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: You're either on one side or the other.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: You can't just like fold it into a circle.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: It's a linear thing, slider back and forth.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: It's not a circle.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: So you can't just like jump back and forth.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: You have to slide your way over to the other side which, unfortunately, when this happens it could be perceived as a lack of conviction.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: So I know for myself I don't know if it's anxiety or not, but like people look and like, oh, not really passionate about anything, it's like no, I just want my cake and eat it too.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: So I want everything.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to commit to anything unless I know I can have all the different sides, which kind of bleeds over to relationships and friendships and all the different kind of things.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: It's like can I just find somebody that meets me in all the different ways and then we can talk about like being friends or whatever and having a conversation?
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: So it's kind of hard to talk and interact with people when they want to lean to one side or the other.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling a certain way.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I don't really know how to process that.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: But yeah, ambiverts, it's good to see there's other people having the same problem and are perceived the same way as I am.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: So once again, just passing along information that I see here, not something I came up with.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I disagree with it and I believe it to be true as far as I'm concerned in my experiences.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: You might have different experiences and have your own opinions.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Once again, do not listen to me.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Feel free to do your own research.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: I'm here to pass along information, that's it Okay.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: And lastly, as I ramble on some more, embers may feel pressure to remain a certain way in specific setting, which can lead to exhaustion when trying to seek balance.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: So there are times when it is good to act a certain way in certain situations, but you're not feeling it so for me, I know.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Even, like, just for an example, I like to karaoke and sometimes, when I'm processing it, like literally days before getting ready for the situation, like I said before, certain situations I get there I'm like, ooh, I'm pumped to do this.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: And then I get to the place and I'm like, nope, actually I don't want to be in front of people.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: And it's like, oh god, I'm being, I'm getting burnt out, oh, I want to leave.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: But then they call my name and it's like, all right, I gotta go up there.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I know for me, once I get up there, it's like, oh, actually I did want this and I'm good, so put on a little show for everybody.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: And I remember, oh, this is why I like to do this, which is weird because it happens with sex with me all the time, but we'll talk about demisexuals at another time.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: Uh, but yeah, I, you know, like sex.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: I get there and I'm like, oh, that's right, this is why I like this, forget all about it.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: Um so, yeah, same thing was so.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: Social situations happens a lot.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: We'll stress out ahead of time.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: But then when I get there I'm like, okay, this is why I like this thing.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: I remember why I like it in the first place and then I go ahead and go through with it and I get my energy back even though I had just been exhausted.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Very confusing time for me.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: But luckily there's the internet.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: I can look this stuff up and watch the videos and all that.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, campsters or listen to a podcast, because there's podcasts about that, and this is one of them and it's called around the kinky campfire, and this is julius, with another episode of the pillow fort sessions.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: Episodes usually come out group episodes on the second and fourth thursdays of the month most of the time, and then these episodes come out sporadically for now, hopefully more often, we'll see um depends on how much I feel like rambling to myself or to the people that thankfully, you people out there that download these episodes and then stream it and then rate it.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Appreciate you very much.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: Um, I don't really want to ask for that, but it's like, if you're there anyway, it doesn't cost you anything.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Just go ahead and Just go ahead and give a little rating, if it's not too hard.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Take you a little bit of time to do.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Appreciate it very much.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: But for now, this is Julius, aka El Comienzo, known aka the Cuddliest of Gigolos, and I'll catch you next time around the kinky campfire.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Come and let me know what you think on campfire kinksters.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: The instagram with the k's uh, oh, that was a good one.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you could hear that or not, but I just burped because the not sponsored sparkling iceine is very fizzy.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to finish this and I'll catch y'all later.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Hello.