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Top Divorce Tips for Life After Divorce with Ron Platt · The Conscious Divorce

• Justin: to the Conscious Divorce Podcast. I'm your host, Justin Milrand. I'm a certified divorce coach, ⁓ financial planner, and the founder of Reclaim and Reboot Transformational Divorce Coaching, ⁓ well as the author of U2.0 Divorce, A Better Way Forward, and the U2.0 ⁓ On this show, we have real conversations about what it actually takes to get through divorce ⁓ clarity, strategy, and your identity intact. No sugarcoating. No empty platitudes, just practical tools and honest perspective from people who are doing the work. But before we jump in, here's my standard disclaimer. Nothing you hear on this show is legal, financial or therapeutic advice. We're here to educate and inspire. For guidance specific to your unique situation, please work with a qualified professional. Now today's conversation is one I've been looking forward to because my guest is tackling a gap. that most people don't even realize exists until they're standing in the middle of it. And actually, I have a client right now who would have really benefited from having one of the tools ⁓ Ron and his team at NASDF ⁓ created. Ron Platt is the co-founder and CEO of NASDF, the National Association for Single and Divorced Families. Think of it as AARP for Divorced and Single Parent Households. NASDF brings together vetted resources from free mental health services, career guidance, early childhood education discounts, and discounted real estate services to mediation networks, financial advisors, divorce and relationship coaches, and a first of its kind insurance product called Support Insured that protects child support and alimony payments. Ron's background spans over 35 years across insurance, business development, and real estate. He's also a foster parent, an advocate for family court reform, and someone who rebuilt his own life after the end of a long-term relationship. He knows his terrain personally, not just professionally. Ron, welcome to the show. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: Thank you, Justin. really appreciate you having me on. Justin: course, great to have you. let's start with your origin story because NASDF didn't come from a boardroom brainstorm. It came from something personal. You talked publicly about your experience as a foster parent, about going through a painful relationship ending, and about seeing up close how badly the system fails families ⁓ during their most ⁓ vulnerable moments. What was the moment where you said this has to exist? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: When I received my foster kid at 13, there were a lot of things he needed, as mental health care, one-on-one guidance, ⁓ a of things that somebody that comes from a troubled background that finally gets to be in some stability, learning how deal with that stability, learning how to trust. So a lot of the services that I had reached out to his caseworker and said, can I get him this, can I get him mental health care, can I get him that, that, that, that, she would set it up. I remember my son coming home one day and saying, dad, I can't keep going to a different therapist every week. And I'm like, what do you mean a different therapist? He says, no, it's literally a different person. I can't keep telling the same story over and over again. So when I called the caseworker, said, different person every week? And she said, well, we can't keep them. We have too many kids and there's not enough money. So I was fortunate enough to go ahead and be able to afford to get in private care. But I also realized that there's this gap in how we're treating these kids that are unfortunately being put into a system. that is underfunded and overwhelmed. So I began to hang out with some of the other foster kids that my son was friends with, I began to hear a lot of their experiences and I thought, these kids don't have a voice. They have an ad litem, some of them. So when they go to court, an adult is actually speaking on their behalf, but that adult might not be conveying the message loud enough. And then I began to see through my friends who were going through divorces, through the ⁓ that they were having, getting the judges decide custody issues where one party was an abusive ex and the other party was trying to get her full custody of her child, but one party had more money than the other and they kept it in courts for 10 years. To another friend of mine who was a police male police officer trying to get his kids away from his crazy ex-wife because he was a police officer, it made it even more difficult for him to do that. There are a lot of different things that kept coming at me over the course of 10 or 15 or 20 years where I began to see other people's issues. and then I had my own what I call undivorce, where the LGBTQ community at the time was not able to get marriage license. But I went through the exact same things that people go through when they get a divorce, from hiring the attorney to having to distribute the assets to the fighting and the bickering and the mental health issues that my ex was going through as well as the addiction issues he was going through. So it was very traumatic, a lot of PTSD to this day with it. How was I able to advocate for these people, be able to give these children, these foster kids, these families in court ⁓ a voice that was loud enough that people listened? So as an individual, I've got a big voice. come from Holocaust survivors, so I know what fighting looks like. know what ⁓ to be loud and express an opinion looks like, but I'm an individual. So when I look to somebody like AARP that has 36 million members, Congress doesn't make a change to social security, Medicare, or elder fraud, or any of that, unless they consult with AARP. And I thought, that's what I need. I need to follow their model and create a system where I can give these kids a voice and be able to make changes in the family court systems to be able to get the ear of a congressman or a state senator and say, you're not doing it right. You need to be held accountable. How do we fix this? And that's kind of what started the initiative. well as the situation that I had gone through with my undivorce and how do I be able to provide people with better services, supports, the community and the straight community, all different types of communities, the same, we all need the same things when we go through a bad breakup or a divorce. What do these people need and how can I provide it for them? So that's how the process actually began. Justin: And I want to dig into something you've said before because it really resonates with my audience. You described your mission as reforming the system that failed single parents and divorced households. That's a big statement. What does failure actually look like when a family is living it day to day? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: So I'm going to go back to the business partner that I had who was living in an abusive household. She literally left with her baby under her arm through a doggie door because her husband had locked all the doors and taken the keys away. And I watched her fight from the time the child was probably about six years old till the time the child turned 16. She did not have the type of money that he did. He was very wealthy. He was able to keep her in court, change judges, change attorneys. have psychological evaluations done. mean, it was always about the money and the time and the expenses and the confusion to a point where she was utterly and financially broke had to go to friends to get money for attorney fees, things of that nature, all on behest of her daughter, who she was trying to protect from this gentleman. And would go to court with her as an observer. I would go to court as a friend and as somebody who I had seen some of the situations that she was under and act as her voice. the courts never decided. wasn't until the child turned 16 years old that when he came to pick her up, she called the police and said, I don't want to go with him. And that was the last time that she went with him. It wasn't the courts that ever decided. there's more when I would go with my son to family court and I would hear the stories from the other families the judges are put in a hard position because they always want to reunite the child with the family, but that's not always the best decision for the child. And it's just because you go through a three week or 10 week program, it doesn't necessarily make you a better parent or that you're to put them in a situation, a household that is different from where they just came from. So the reforming aspect of it needs to change so that what's best for the child, and not just to get it off the books, or what is best for one parent versus another parent, and not just to pass it off to another judge, things need to be modified and changed. Justin: It's very broken system. I talk a lot on the show about the idea that divorce is not a failure. It's a transformation. But transformation requires support infrastructure. And that's exactly what's missing for people. ⁓ They the papers and everyone assumes that they're done and they're fine. The legal system is done with them. Their friends stop checking in and they're left standing there trying to figure out health insurance, housing, co-parenting logistics. child support, alimony, and their own emotional wreckage all at once. know this is something that NASDF helps with. Can you walk us through how NASDF does this? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: What do people need when they're in the process of getting a divorce or as you just said, once they go through the process? So people, there's a slew of benefits and services. Probably the most important one that I like on ours that we offer our members is the three free mental health care sessions. And I say that because it's not only for yourself, but it can be for your children as well. A lot of times the kids are in disarray. They're going between two households. There's a lot of confusion and they're not speaking about it either because they don't want to talk about it. They're depressed or what have, whatever the issue is. Having somebody that's a professional that you can put them in front of to really delve deep and help that child understand what the situation is or work through it is worth millions of dollars. And then of course we have a lot of men who are afraid to step out and ask for help because it's just not the thing to do. knowing that you've got a therapist that you can go to, somebody who doesn't know you that can help you work through your situations is helpful. ⁓ And course I say men because women tend to ask for help. more than men do at times. might also need to, if you're an at-home parent, suddenly put your child in early education schooling, in which case we also offer discounts for that through the learning care group, is La Petite Academy, YouGrow, Montessori schools. There's a slew of different schools that they have where you get priority enrollment and you get a discount on the enrollment fees as well. You're need career services. Again, if you're an at-home parent, you've got this gap in your resume because you've been at home taking care of the kids but there is value in that transferring to an actual career type of experience. We have about 25 different videos that you can watch that show you how to update your LinkedIn account, how to apply for a job, how to get in front of the recruiter, how to make your resume stand out from everybody else's, so that you can get in front of that recruiter and actually get that career. And if you don't know what you want to do, like many of us at a certain age, we're like, I don't know what I want to do and I'm 40 years old. you can work with one of their career services individuals that'll give you a 25 % discount for one-on-one counseling. They're so good that I've had a friend of mine that was a police officer that couldn't figure out what he wanted to do but hated his job and was able to work with this company and now became a fashion designer. So completely opposite spectrum, but that's how good these people are. We have discounts for diapers and formulas. One of the ones that I really like also is our real estate services. If you need to sell your house, if you use one of the realtors through our network, and we're all over the country and we have top realtors throughout the country, they're going to pay us a 25 % referral fee. We're going to go ahead and give that 25 % back to you as our member to offset your closing costs. So that in itself could save you thousands of dollars on your closing fees. Well worth it. We have financial planners, financial analysts, divorce coaches, relationship coaches. and a ton of support groups both for men and women. So it really tries to fill that gap of things that you need when you're in the process. We also have a, something, we just added a registry. Like a wedding registry, a lot of times you're gonna get a divorce and walk away with nothing. Tell your friends what you need, put it on the registry and let them buy it for you. So we're always open to new ideas, we're always open to new companies coming to us offering us things that we can offer our members. kind of call it the Costco effect. the bigger we get, more retailers and companies come to us and ask us if they can work with our members and provide them discounts that they can't get if they were to go outside. Justin: That is so helpful. I think what people really need to think is income drops significantly, typically anywhere from 20 to 40 percent, and living on your own becomes a lot more expensive post divorce. And a lot of people aren't set up for success there. So ⁓ such as yours are so helpful. I to move towards the concept I've heard you talk about it before in interviews called the after-finalized gap. What should families realistically expect in those first weeks and months after the decree is signed? Because I think people underestimate how disorienting this period is actually, ⁓ for I tell my clients, this is really where the hard work starts. ⁓ You're suddenly operating household solo or you're co-parenting with someone you may barely be speaking to ⁓ while also trying process grief and figure out who you are now. ⁓ What does that like, in the families that you work with? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: even if you're not getting along with your spouse, when you suddenly become a single parent, you realize how much the other person was doing that you didn't know about. Suddenly you have to take off of work to take him to the doctors, you got to go to the sports, you've got to teacher conferences, things that basically the two of you shared is now solely your responsibility. Now of course you do have the co-parent that you're going to continue that relationship. Justin: Yeah. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: But you're going to take on more of the responsibilities that you might not have thought of when you were going to file for the divorce and finally get the judge to sign off on it. The responsibility aspect increases. The of financial strain can occur as well because now instead of a two income household, you have a one income household. You're now to pay the rent or mortgage yourself without somebody contributing. And there's also that as much as you might have disliked the other person, there's also that sounding board that's missing. ⁓ person in your life that's no longer there, which again might be good or bad, for a lot of people they're afraid to be alone. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to that have said, ⁓ I gotta get into another relationship or I've gotta get a dog or I've gotta get something I can't be by myself. And that fear of being by themselves can be overwhelming to a point where ⁓ go into a panic state where they can't be present and supportive for their children because they are scared of being by themselves. So definitely. when you're in that situation, reach out to a friend, develop that community. If that community's not there, then look at the resources, look at the support groups that are out there, look at the ⁓ therapists that are out there so that you can adjust to this new way of life. Justin: That's great advice and I think going to your website is a good starting point for many people. they can really think about what are the services that can support them, how they can get ⁓ support general, what they might not be thinking about. ⁓ So definitely worth digging in. Let's get tactical now. In your Authority Magazine interview, you were asked ⁓ for top advice and your first answer was one word, breathe. I love that because it sounds simple, but there's actually a lot of depth underneath it. What does that mean in practical terms for a parent who is in crisis mode right now? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: I said that because you're going through much. Your entire life is changing. In aspect, you might be thinking you're getting rid of that spouse that was causing you all that trouble, all that discomfort, but then suddenly you realize that there's a lot of chaos that happens. The kids need your attention. Your job needs your attention. You need to find a place to live. Everything is in disarray, and all I can tell you is take a moment and breathe. because it's all still going to be there whether you take it on now or whether you take it on later. You have to be able to ground yourself. And I know it's a little spiritual and woo wooish, but there's a lot of validity to that because able to have that Zen space or that space to ground or that space to be able to have the quietness to just think about where you're going, to be able to ⁓ ⁓ schedule, to ⁓ a new life that you're about to create for yourself. The breathing part just says take a moment to breathe. me that's the best way to explain it. It's allow the chaos to exit for a minute, allow yourself to ground yourself ⁓ so you can move forward and come up with a plan of action. Justin: such powerful and simple advice. What about the things people shouldn't do in those first weeks? Because I see this constantly coming up. People just want to move forward. They're still in their fight or flight phase. They sign leases that they can't afford just because they want to get out. They badmouth the other parent on social media. They try to win over the kids with gifts. What are the mistakes that you see most often? Now, I'd say specifically the most dangerous ones. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: I think you've said a lot of them. People my God, I'm going to be free. I can go do whatever I want. They go on and buy a new car, ⁓ they get into a lease they can't afford, or start to do things that they've always wanted to do that they couldn't do with the person. They have this newfound freedom. And it's kind of like this explosion of things that they want to do, but they can't do everything at once. So be careful some of the decisions you're making. I know that I've talked to some people, and they're like, ⁓ I'm going to on a dating app. and I'm going to start dating again. And from a personal experience, remember my sister telling me when I left my ex after 14 years, she said, take five years ⁓ you get into your next relationship. I said, five years? Are you kidding me? I'm not going to wait that long. And I think two or three months later, I was dating somebody. ⁓ I'm sitting there at dinner thinking, this person looks different, but there's something oddly familiar about them. Well, that's because I was dating the same person I had just left in a different body. because I didn't allow myself to breathe and say, what do I want in my next relationship? When I ask people what they want in a relationship, they tell me what they don't want. Well, I don't want my ex, I don't want this. And I go, well, great, but what do you want? I don't know. Well, then don't start dating because you're just gonna find yourself with the same person. And when you look at the statistics of first, second, and third marriages, it goes up. It's 50 % first marriages, 60 % second, 70 % third, because people don't take the time out to figure out what they want. They just keep dating the same person. I can't tell you how many times I've had a friend who has divorced their partner and then they show up with their first date who looks just like their former partner and it's kind of like you're shaking your head going, they not see it? So don't rush out and get into a relationship. Don't rush out and buy the expensive house or the expensive car because you think you need it. Sit back and evaluate what you can afford financially. And remember, ⁓ you have children, you've got these other people in your life that are relying on you for that stability. and for those irrational decisions to be tailored back so that you can make better decisions for Justin: That's super helpful to think about. I often tell people you should date yourself first for a little bit and ⁓ really get to know yourself ⁓ determine what it is that you want in life. You also talk about the importance of creating a schedule right away, especially if they're kids. And I'm a huge believer in this because structure creates freedom. ⁓ And everything else feels chaotic, having something predictable. your day in, day out with your kids or on your own is really stabilizing. Why does that work so well? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: it's part of the grounding and the breathing part. So when I was going through my undivorce, I not only was going through my breakup, but I was also going through the great recession back in 2006 or 2007, and I'm in real estate. So real estate went from a high of going crazy to absolutely nothing stopping within a day. So I went from making six figures to nothing within a 24 to 48 hour period. And on top of that, I was still living with my ex. He was on the other side of the house, but he was jacking up the electric bill, wasn't contributing towards the mortgage or the electric bill or anything else. So now I have these bills that I can't afford to pay for. And I remember opening up my refrigerator and looking in there and saying, I have no money for food. And just staring at it, thinking, this is the first time in my life I don't have any money for food. Now I've been in situations where I haven't had money to... buy a nice car or go clothes shopping or what have you, but this is food, this is an essential. And I'm living with somebody that's intentionally raising the electric bill up. And ⁓ by the way, when the electric bill goes up, the electric company comes in and says, they want an additional deposit. If you don't pay the additional deposit, we shut off the electricity. So I can't afford the electric bill. And then on top of that, I got to pay more money. So the whole world seems to be falling apart. for me, what ⁓ had to do was create some kind of schedule. I had to get up at a certain time, I had to take the dog for a walk, I had to, it wasn't, got up at 6.30 in the morning, I took the dog for a five mile walk because ⁓ loved going for really long walks, and I started doing affirmations, and I started doing gratitudes because as much as my world was falling apart, I was able to get out of bed and I was able to go for this walk. have my physical abilities to ⁓ for this exercise. Exercising clears the mind. Come home, have your breakfast. and start your day. Now again, the whole real estate market had crashed, but I still had to follow the same schedule I had before the market crashed because now my market was changing. So I had to learn short sales, foreclosures, and other things that I didn't know before. I had to go out there and learn them and incorporate them into my schedule. And I think what happens is there's a certain type of grounding, a certain type of security that comes with that, even children. I have granddaughter who's now six, but when she was younger, I'd go to my son's house and she'd be up till 10 o'clock at night. And I'd say, why isn't she in bed at seven o'clock? He'd be like, well, she goes to bed when she's tired, blah, blah. She'd come to our house and we have a chalkboard in our kitchen and it would say, lunch at this time, dinner at this time, bedtime at seven o'clock. we had like this whole schedule on the chalkboard. My son looked at it and said, what is this a military camp? And I said, no, that's called a schedule. And you literally see her whole body relax knowing that dinner she went upstairs to shower, came downstairs, I had her chocolate milk ready and two on TV. She snuggles with us. Two cartoons later she turns to me and says, it's time to go upstairs and read a book. Go upstairs, read her a nighttime book. She's in bed by 7.30. She's up by 6.30 in the morning to go to school or what have you. ⁓ She on that. So if children thrive on it, so do adults. ⁓ And lot of times when we're going through a divorce, our schedules are so sporadic. that we feel that we don't have that control aspect of it. And that's why scheduling really gives us, as much as we're in turmoil, it gives us some kind of control over how we perform our daily activities. Does that make sense? Justin: Completely. I'd add one more thing. When you create a schedule, when you're going to have vacant time. vacant time isn't always the healthiest because your mind can go to dark places. So ⁓ the nice thing having a schedule is you also, when you're going through tough time, you want to make sure you're busy. ⁓ So if you have periods of vacant time, you want to make sure that you're with someone else or you have something else going on. because it's very emotional going through this process. move to money because financial vulnerability is one of the most underappreciated aspects of divorce, ⁓ for the receiving spouse. What the first financial realities that divorced or single parents need to face head on? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: you become a one-income household. What does that look like? If you were struggling with a two-income household, it might get more challenging with a one-income household. So what does downsizing look like? went from a 3,600-square-foot house to a 450-square-foot studio apartment and absolutely loved it, to honest with you. there's nothing that. I'm sorry? Simplify. I've had two parents that have died and Justin: Simplify. Simplify. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: When I emptied out their house, I realized how much stuff we collect over the years that we don't need. you have a house without a garage, you suddenly get a garage, the garage is full of stuff. If you don't have a garage, there's no stuff, right? So when you have to simplify your life, you're suddenly going from a two income household to a one income household, do you really need the additional things? ⁓ as a realtor, I say to people, I want you to give me a list of 10 things you absolutely, positively desire to have on your house. Then we take that list, then we go down to the four things you absolutely must have. Do you need that third bedroom or would two bedrooms be enough? that's, you what we're doing is we're really getting down to what the core is. And I think that's what happens when it comes to finances as well, is that you need to figure out what's important. Do your two kids need to have two bedrooms? Can they both be in one bedroom? what can you afford to do and don't feel guilty about it. unless God forbid you're homeless, it's okay to not have to give your kids all the toys and the software and the computers and things that they want. It's okay to say no. know, ⁓ no a single word. It can't always be yes. And a lot of times when we're going through a divorce, we feel, well, I can't give them my time, so I'm going to give them gifts. I'm going to give them stuff. when my son divorced his partner, He showered his daughter with gifts. She has gifts, toys piled up in a room that she doesn't play with because that's how they were showing their love. What she really wanted was their time. So give your children the time and don't worry about buying them things. And it's okay to say, no, I can't afford it. I grew up with two parents that were going around going, I can't afford it, we can't afford it, we can't afford it, we can't afford it. So after a while, I just stopped asking. And when I was old enough, I went out and got a job so that I could get those things they couldn't afford. It didn't mean that my life changed in any way. I just knew we were not the rich kids on the block and we had to economize. It was just part of life. That's okay. And put that in your head is that financially things are going to change. You're going to have to downsize and you might need to say no to the kids and the kids will get over Justin: Sure. What expenses tend to blindside people? Because I think most folks budget for rent and groceries, but they forget about lots of other things. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: they forget about car payments, insurance, health insurance, ⁓ it's provided through their employer. A of the things that your ⁓ spouse have taken care of suddenly become a burden on you. ⁓ Credit A lot of times during ⁓ a suddenly the joint credit cards become your credit cards that you need to pay off. So it's things that we don't necessarily think of financially that the other person was taking care of that's now a burden on us. So it's best to have a financial planner or a financial analyst when you're going through the divorce to really dig in deep and see where the money's going, what is owed, what's the mortgage payment look like, what can you afford after the divorce as far as where you're gonna put your overhead. Have somebody ⁓ at what your expenses are before you get a divorce so either you know what settlement to ask for or you know what your new lifestyle is gonna look like and it doesn't come as a shock. Justin: Yeah, I think that's really important. You one thing I do with my clients is I do a budget as they're going through the divorce and then I do a post divorce budget. And there's so many categories they don't think about that they're like, ⁓ yeah, that makes sense. And then it's really helpful when it's time to go into mediation, they actually know what the number is that they need because the biggest question and the thing that causes the most anxiety amongst, many of my clients is, And really anyone going through divorces, am I going to be okay? Well, we don't know what that means until we know what your spending habits and patterns are and what you're willing to adjust. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: We even have a divorce college coach. Because what she does is she sits down and says, based off of where your kids want to go, here's what the average cost of the college is going to cost. Where is the funding coming from? What are the scholarships? The that are out there to help offset your costs. And what is the money that you're going to need to put this child through college? And if you have more than one kid, what is that going to cost? Justin: Yeah. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: So that is all part of the financial planning that you need to think of that might become a shared burden or a single burden. Justin: Yeah, and it's these big expenses that people don't think about where, co-parents get into really big fights, things like, ⁓ cars, educational testing, bar bat mitzvahs, ⁓ know, quinceañeras, different parties ⁓ that are inexpensive. move to support because that's genuinely Groundbreaking and there's a definite need for it So for listeners who haven't heard of it support insured is a product that protects child support in alimony payments if the paying spouse dies becomes disabled or loses their job involuntarily And what's incredible to me is that this didn't exist before? Ron the origin of this goes back to your father please share with us the The story and then a little more about the product and why people would want to look into it Ron Platt - NASDF.org: We were both in the product development side of the insurance industry. So people came to us with really niche things that they needed insured. And we would place it through Lloyds of London or one of our other carriers, things like Hole-in-One Insurance and Keno Games and cell phone warranties and just a bunch of things that we would scratch our heads, but always found somebody to insure it. And my dad was an idea man. Came in every day with a different idea for an insurance product. I'd be like, yeah, okay. But we're sitting at lunch one time and he said, I always wanted to come up with an insurance product that would guarantee child support and alimony for death, disability, involuntary unemployment or business bankruptcy. And I thought, now that's genius. cool. I like that idea. And I said, well, we have an association that we're using for something else. Why don't we cater it to people who are getting a divorce or have a single family household? And he goes, that's brilliant. But he didn't want to start the association or convert it to a divorce association until he had the insurance product placed. Justin: Genius. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: And this was a man who had a reputation for placing really unusual products. He tried for 30 years to place the insurance product and every carrier said no, they did not want to be part of the divorce market. don't understand why because we an actuarial report that showed that it was a viable product, that the risk is ⁓ not bad as they thought it was and that it was insurable. And it wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I opened up the association that somebody called me out of the blue and said, did you ever place the insurance? And I said, no. And they said, I have somebody I want you to talk to. And it was a 70 year old underwriter who I always say, I love those older underwriters because they were the original risk takers. And he said, our company is looking for something very out of the box. What do you have? And I shared it with him and he said, we love it. Two weeks later, they called back and said, we're going to do it. We love it. Let's do it. And I remember looking at my father since past and I looked up at my dad, I said, oh my God, I think I finally got this done. It only took us 30 years. Justin: Thanks. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: It is the only divorce insurance product on the market and the only divorce insurance that protects child support and alimony payments for up to a year. So if, let's say, AI comes in and you suddenly find yourself without a job, not because you're a deadbeat parent, but because you were laid off, or if you're an owner of a restaurant, you're an entrepreneur and suddenly something like, God forbid, COVID happens again and you have to close and declare business bankruptcy, or you suddenly become disabled. will go ahead and continue making those payments for up to a year. What we find is most people need about that cushion of a year to get another job or they need to reorganize or what have you to start earning income again. Most people want to pay. might be paying reluctantly, but they know that the other party's relying on it to help support their children and themselves and they do want to pay. And when these situations happen, they either have to contact their attorney who goes to court and says, he can't afford to pay or she can't afford to pay right now, she's unemployed, okay, the judge says understood, but what about the person who's receiving the funds? What are they supposed to do? now this insurance product will go ahead and take the place ⁓ that income that is not coming in for up to a year. This is really a disruptor in the industry. Justin: Yeah, it's absolutely incredible. And like I said, I have a client, ⁓ new client, who would have really benefited from this. Her husband lost, ⁓ they can. ⁓ Well, her husband his job, immediately after hired me. ⁓ They weren't predicting that. So ⁓ assuming they can't buy it Ron Platt - NASDF.org: Well, they can still buy it if they want. Yeah, you can buy it before or after the... No, not if he's currently unemployed, no. Justin: Right. So I just want to be clear ⁓ our audience. NASDF is not an insurance agency and they're not providing legal or financial advice. They're a membership association that connects families ⁓ vetted resources, including support insured. I want to make that distinction because it matters. ⁓ Ron, I have two questions. Number one, how does membership work? And number two, can people purchase support insured? and not be a member or do they have to be a member to be able to purchase insurance? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: So the first question is, it's simple, very easy. You just go to NASDF.org and register. It's only $19 a month and it comes with all those benefits, all the resources, the free mental health care, the real estate discounts, all of that for just $19 a month. support insured, in order to purchase the support insured, you automatically become a member because you do have to be a member in order to have the insurance coverage. But you don't need to be, you can be a member without buying the insurance, but if you buy the insurance, you have to become a member. And that automatically happens when you enroll. If you go to the website, you'll see a click button for support and shirt. If you click that, it has a Q &A on there. It has the rates. the rates are age rated and based off of the court mandated amount that you're receiving. Somebody said to me, if I'm getting $2,500 a month, can I buy $3,000 a month? And I said, yes, you can. but I'm only going to pay you $2,500 a month because when the claim comes in, I need to see what the court mandated amount is and that's the amount that we're paying. So it's not expensive. The question and answers are right there. And then when you go to enroll, the questions are like, how long have you been employed? Do know, have you, do you have any current disabilities? Basic questions. If you're, the person who's paying decides they don't want to purchase it, the person receiving it can purchase it on behalf of the person that's paying. You just need to know enough information about that person's job and their health and things of that nature, which I'm assuming if you've been with that person long enough, you probably know this information. These questions are not very difficult. So either party can purchase it and it's very easy to enroll. Justin: ⁓ ever find that this something that's part of a divorce agreement that, ⁓ life insurance example, is very common when there's child or a lump ⁓ sum alimony or large that needs to be paid out over time? ⁓ Have you found this is ⁓ something that ⁓ individuals should ask it should be in a divorce agreement? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: Yeah. Absolutely. So life insurance, like you just said, is the common standard, is fine if the person, God forbid, dies, then typically that insurance is going to cover that child or yourself up until that child is either 18 or 21 years old. But what if they don't die? And I tell people, continue buying the life insurance because our life insurance only covers for up to a year. That life insurance will cover much further. So have the life insurance and then tell your attorney that you also want the payer to go ahead and purchase the insurance for the disability and voluntary unemployment and the business bankruptcy. Justin: Yeah, and I think it's important just to note that not everyone can get life insurance. ⁓ Some are denied. One of the things I really appreciate about, NASDF and its curation is because the divorce industry is full of noise. There are thousand people trying to sell you something the moment you Google divorce help. ⁓ And a lot of isn't necessary. Some of it is predatory. You've built an ecosystem that includes mental health providers, telehealth, mediation networks, financial advisors, divorce coaches, educational discounts, career guidance, et cetera. How do you decide what belongs under that umbrella and what doesn't? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: It's not pretty much what I decide, it's what my members are asking for. I think, you I've thought of everything and then somebody will call up and say, hey, what about a registry? And I thought, I didn't think of that. That's a great idea. And then I go source the registry, which we have through Fresh Start. have a registry, you can tell your friends what you need and they can go out and buy it for you. I had somebody say, one of our members, my husband controls all the money and I can't afford to hire the attorney. I can't go pro bono attorney because then they look at both our incomes and we make too much money. And I thought it would be great for us to have a credit card like care credit, for example, that only covers for cosmetic and pet care. If we had something like that, but it would only cover for legal fees, court costs and mediation services. And it would take somebody with a lower credit score and it would only go up to say $10,000. That would fill that gap for that person that says my husband controls all the money, but I can apply for it, get the credit card and be able to hire the attorney. So we're constantly getting people giving us feedback as to what the needs are and we seek out those resources to add those resources onto our network. again, we can't think of everything, so we're always open up to suggestions and if we can make it happen, we certainly will make it happen. Justin: And I a version of this to most of my guests because I think it matters. If someone sitting in their car right now or lying awake at 2 a.m. with phone and they're overwhelmed, they're scared, and they don't know what to do next, what do want them to hear? What is that one thing they can do today to start building stability? Ron Platt - NASDF.org: Join NASDF. I know it sounds self-serving, but to some extent, while they're sitting in the car figuring out what do I do, everything they need at the moment is through the association. It's like, I'm a dad, I don't know what to do. Well, go to our support groups for dads and look at some of the YouTube videos that they have or join one of the groups. Justin: I figured you might say that. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: I'm a mom who ⁓ suddenly a single parent and I need babysitters or I need a network of these. ⁓ ⁓ network or come to see one of the networks that we have. Look at our resources before you go outside of there because I'll tell you, when you're going for a divorce and you Google divorce, you're to get five pages of attorneys before you get to resources or financial planners or mediators or what have you. That's a lot of work, especially when you don't have the time because you suddenly find yourself overwhelmed. When I say become a member of NASDF, it's because you don't have to. Everything is there. Justin: And that really makes ⁓ life a lot more simpler for a lot of people going through a very stressful time. Ron, this has been a fantastic conversation. I learned so much. think our listeners will as well. How do people ⁓ get a hold of you and where do they find out more information about NASDF? If you can just repeat the website. Ron Platt - NASDF.org: NASDF.org is the website, but if you look at our socials, it's NASDF.org, no dot, and we're on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, LinkedIn. If you go to the YouTube, you're gonna see a ton of podcasts like I'm on right now. You're gonna see interviews that we've had with dads, with moms, with coaches, financial planning, things of that nature. So that's part of the resources that you can utilize and they all have their links so you can reach out to these people direct as well. Get to know us, comfortable with us and my co-founder Joy as well and then ⁓ go ahead and join us. So again, it's NASDF.org. That's also where you're going to find the support and shirt tag as well that you can join. Justin: If this conversation resonated with you, here's what I want you to do. First, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. We all know someone who's going through it right now or about to. Second, if you're navigating divorce yourself and you want to be strategic ⁓ as to what comes next, check out my books, ⁓ U2.0. Divorce a Better Way Forward, which lays out my full framework for moving from breakdown to breakthrough, and the U2.0 Workbook, gives you exercises ⁓ and to actually do the work. ⁓ Not read about it, but to go deep ⁓ with Both are available on amazon.com. ⁓ If want one-on-one coaching or help building a co-parenting strategy that actually works, ⁓ visit at ⁓ www.reclaimandreboot.me. That's where you can book a consultation, explore my coaching programs and access my full library of resources. subscribe to the show, leave a review if this episode helped you and remember divorce is not the end of your story. It's the beginning of the one you get to write on your own terms. I'm Justin Milrad. This is a Conscious Divorce Podcast and I'll see you next time.