Latest / Microphone Monkeys / Death by Enlarged Penis

Transcript

Death by Enlarged Penis · Microphone Monkeys

• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Here we come, walking down the street.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Got the gold, no taxes to me.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Free to speak and free to trade.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: Market sub, no need for it.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, hey, we're the microphone monkeys.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: People say we're at our kids' funkies.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: But we're too busy being free.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: Hey guys, this is Microphone Monkeys, and this week we have penis enlargement procedures.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: There you go, Mike.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_02: Fart underwear.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: There you also go, Mike.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Fart underwear is definitely my my need.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: That's Jeff's thing.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: The electrified depends.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: We have a fertility doctor impregnating his own patients.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's Buddy.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: We have an extra dog guest today.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: On the pod, you might hear him.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: He identifies as canine-esque.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Canine-esque, he might also uh identify with the California serial butt sniffer that his alley.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he is definitely a serial butt butt sniffer.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: He could be the serial butt sniffer.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, because he's he's counting my farts.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's the I know, it's two stories in one.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: You're back to the analog.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there he is.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: There he is.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Two, evidently, I had.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: And uh Owen El Jefe gave us the uh guillotine story in DC.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, cool.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Before he took off to Darlington.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's he's with uh third eye Atherton at the uh Darlington race waiter.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're he they're trying to calm down all the people in the uh the chicken bone seats.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: That is like a Joe Dirt convention.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: They'll fit right in.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: But I am joined today by the great mafia Mike of the sh famous Shakedown podcast.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: And man, it is catching on fire.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: It is absolutely catching on fire.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's rocking.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: We'll we'll start the sports betting handicapping.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh well, don't do that, yeah, because I I just got my ass handed.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, you're practicing.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I already told him I said the you know, the first week uh we can give one up because you don't know who's playing.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a bloodbath, always the first week.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, is it just opening the cult?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And he's he's just he just wants to, he's just getting humbled right now so that he can embarrass the crap out of me after tonight when the my badgers uh get hammered.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Notre Dame and the Badgers.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the main uh that's the main event tonight?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's right there.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Over at my house in Lambeau Field.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Lambeau Field.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: The Great Tundra.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to come on over, come on over.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: That would be awesome.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'd love it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: What time is it?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh come over at 5:30.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you my address.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, beautiful.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, everybody will just uh be posting his address.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'll have a line at the door.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I look like a bar.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we went to the Georgetown uh LP meeting and they had a big sports betting thing at the bar.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we need to do on the field shakedown.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was a uh fantasy football league.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they were just they were just starting their uh their draft that night.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay, and there was the police at the door.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and speaking of the monkey schedule, uh-huh, we have another event tomorrow.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, another incredible sporting event.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Mostly uh, you know, there's a couple people that aren't allowed to go because it is at a strip club titty bar, but we are going to midget maniac.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: What's going to mean there?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Are they are they gonna be strippers?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, because it's Labor Day.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: They have off.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they're all they have off, so they put the midgets in their place.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, they have to give them a little placeholder for uh a little placeholder.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is your one day off.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well we'll replace you with the midgets.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's all we think of you.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you want the stripper schedule, just go to Randy.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: He'll just go into his book.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: I got for neighboring.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, just yeah.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: Thursdays and Saturdays.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: He's got the black book.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he's he wants to be their labor representative.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to be, I just want to be the money sweeper.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing it to negotiate your contract, though.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: But this will be the first midget wrestling thing, at least I've been to.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: So at Masters Club in Myrtle Beach.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: But it's it's the it's the uh the long form, not the short form.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: What time is that?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's at 6, open the door, 7:30 it starts, I think.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: And it's up until like 2 a.m.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: 2 a.m.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: How you got to do that?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: They have one of the midgets.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's a carney festival.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's got what?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: They have a bunch of carney uh dwarfs coming in in waves, so it'll be hours and hours of the five.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: They're little people, they're little micro people with trash cans and steel chairs doing wrestling.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I I can't picture little midgets wrestling for six hours.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: They take breaks, it's like a tag team thing.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: They just tag in and out.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, Darren wanted to come shirtless, so that you know, he'll have the full size.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then you'll have at the end the Royal Rumble.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: 20 midgets in there piling on each other.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: Little sardine pile.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Some of these guys, though, are real real athletes.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they really are.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: They're jacked.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: I could see him climbing up the ropes.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna jump off.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like I'm jumping off the Empire State Building.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Weigh 60 pounds.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't some of those guys I wouldn't take on.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: I really wouldn't.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they they have the speed.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: They can go between your legs.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want them humping your leg like a dog.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: That might be the only sexual thing you might see at the Master's Club is one humping.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: At least the least expensive one, yeah.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's a dollar, get off of me.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: This is what happens in the liberty world.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: We have redneck NASCAR events, we have midget wrestling, we have illegal handicapping and parts of Myrtle Peace.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: I and I I felt bad because uh uh Darren is supposed to be doing the uh collection on it.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: I thought he was gonna be doing that today, so I ran out and and hit the cash machine to give it to him for the uh the tickets.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I think he was just saying like at the door.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: But uh I don't think we get the the uh discount price for having ten people.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I don't think so.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: I bought three for my parents and David Herndon.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: David, the great David Herndon, I don't think he's been mentioned on the pod.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: I know he listens.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: But it was like they brought it down to like 25 bucks instead of 29.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: I forget.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: But if we pay at the door, we're paying full price.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, no, no.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Darren bought four tickets.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: So he bought one for you, me, Will, and Jeff.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but I've got an and um a guest and things like that.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: I I would probably get the ticket online beforehand just to make sure because it might sell out.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: All right, but I mean it's a big event.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm glad we had this conversation.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: How much is the ticket?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh 30 bucks.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: 30 bucks, 25 if you do like a discount thing.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you buy more than one.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then I don't know the 10 price, you know.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we're getting this all figured out.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: This will be a yearly LP event where we go to these strip bar midget wrestling events.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, this is the beginning of it's like the Carolina um music festival, how that started.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: This is our version.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: This will be the continuation.
• 8:56
  unknown: Yeah.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'll have to see what other events are.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Labor Day special every year.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Midget wrestling.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: We need to get Masters as the next uh ad for the Liberty Crack Media.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wait, I I don't think that would be too difficult.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they're not gonna pay you for it, but we can probably do that.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Myrtle maybe we can.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Randy keeps going over to collect.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Chips bring in the broom and the shovel.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: I go to collect, they just keep taking money from me every time I go to the that is talking about a shakedown.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's the master's club as a book.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'll go there with the bat, he'll go there with the shovel and the broom we're collecting.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, collecting glitter and and take care of that.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Get that money.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: We need to do is get uh uh get some people from the um uh what do you the administration of the masters?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, the manager's on the pod.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that would be awesome.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we we know some through osmosis, some people at the adjoining building.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_02: But we we need to get into the the main the big kahuna there, the masters.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yeah.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: Sports betting, NASCAR, and midget wrestling.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: So that might be the title for the pod, even though the five stories are.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, we we also are going to be doing uh you and I because we said after again Labor Day, uh, we were gonna be doing some field work.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna be looking for a comic book store.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, a comic book store.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: But we're libertarians.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's such some nerd autistic.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: Just as an advanced.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's where our people sponsor.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Our people gather.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: We find them.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, a comic book store.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're in there mumbling to themselves right under the wall.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: We go and wrangle them up and bring them to our meetings.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So draft them from anywhere you can, right?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: All we do is we promise them to you know become part of the touch of booby tribe.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you know they don't realize they're just going to the master's being tracked by their well is a male midgets boob, but you know that's right.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: We abided by the agreement.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: Agreement.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's right.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, now that Labor Day, because I do Airbnbs and deal with a bunch of chimped out primate, insane animals try to con me and take up all my time and energy, now it's slowing down.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then you just have to deal with the same thing on a weekend.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, then so deal with the weekend primates.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: The weekend baboos.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, behind the microphones.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: But getting into today's stories, we have an influencer died after a penis enlargement procedure in Thailand.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's influencing.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: That is always in Thailand, too.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's always in Thailand.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of uh the dark arts, as uh Theo Vaughn talks about in Thailand.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: But it said wealthy influencer Igho Tiny Aribe.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, tiny.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: He was trying to do a life change.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, also known as Denise or Ego, died after undergoing a penis enlargement procedure during a luxury vacation in Thailand.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: And a coroner said the cosmetic treatment caused his fatal embolism.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I think he put filler in there or something.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: It says the 43-year-old had 40 milliliters of hyaluronic acid and lidocaine injected into his penis at the unnamed Thai clinic in March, according to the inquest.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Ingo was staying at the Marriott Hotel in Bangkok after the procedure.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: The couple went for a massage where uh Igho complained of chest pain and passed out twice.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: He was taken to the hospital by ambulance and initially able to answer questions.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's not a happy ending.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's not a happy unhappy ending.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's similar to that glue story last week.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't that in Thailand too?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: It might have been.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it probably was.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: He told doctors about the filler injections, but he lost consciousness before getting a CT scan.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: They determined he had a pulmonary embolism, a clot blocking a blood vessel in the lungs, and transferred him to intensive care, where they did CPR for 100 minutes, but he ended up dying.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and his post-mortem found cellular material in his lungs matching hyaluronic acid used in the injection.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: The coroner ruled he died from a pulmonary embolism from the cosmetic procedure.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me tell you 40 minutes they were working on him.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you, if I go to Taiwan, I'm wearing a sports cop.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: The mafia mic thinks Thailand, Taiwan, they're all just the Asian.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Abbreviation.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Vietnam or wherever this goes from.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Any of them, any of them countries, I'm wearing a sports cop.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't trust them Orientals.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm wearing one of those chastity belts when I go to Panama.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Traveling around the world, send the bag.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go to Georgia, and what am I doing here in Europe?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Will's all natural.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: He said you just go to Harbor Freight and get a shop vac and God created vacuum technology.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: So you don't have to do that.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: No embolism.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Embolism free.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: I guess uh Mike has to use like a reverse vacuum.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Just put the eyes.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just yeah.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's like uh, like I said, it being like a woman that has huge boobs needs a reduction.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Dick reduction.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: What do we do with all this fat?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: Put it in his cheeks.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, it shows how on earth does filler make your dick bigger?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: They're just doing girth.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: I I you're uh why are you looking at me and asking?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: You're the pro.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: You're the analog era pro in this.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I know you've researched.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the last time I was stuffing a sausage.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Ask the strippers down at Masters.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, explain this to me.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: They do something in the back room.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: This might be.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me, ladies, do you know how to make a penis crow?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: That'll be 20 bucks.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they know how to make the wallet straight.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: I know we went over the story, but that they did the SEAL team six when we were openly not giving them money.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: And they didn't give up.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: So much fun.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: It was, it was a blast.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: And then she sat, she locked my arms in and started just flexing her butt cheeks on my lap.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: Is that what we call it?
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: We call it keagles.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: She's doing butt keagles on my laugh.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden, you know, pulled a little maneuver where I was buying her drinks for$20 a piece.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they weren't even alcoholic.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: They were they were little Red Bulls.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: Red bullshit Red Bulls for two 10 bucks a pop.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: They they have a system down.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: I will say they're pros.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, yeah, yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: They have a lot more tactics than these street hookers on the case.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: But it was but it was entertaining though.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was it really was.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: It really was.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's just you have to go in with more people so you have more leverage.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, that's we got it was like vultures.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like four waves.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: When it was four on two, they got kind of off of you.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: They got the flesh and the money.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: But it was so funny the different psychological.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: But the funny thing is, he got one of those wallets with a chain on it, and they still got the money out of it.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: They still got the money.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Once they saw I had a card, it was over.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: Once I had to use the card to get ones, there you go.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: That's where I screwed up.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: I won't do that next time.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we have to get get that pre-before.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they have one of those uh skin.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to where they can get your uh identification from the wallet.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have no plastic.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: They they definitely have it down, but I don't know what they do in the back room.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: They might do these injections.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: They they do the natural analog style.
• 17:18
  unknown: Yeah.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: They'll probably use you as the guinea pig next time.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we'll throw them in the back room and find out.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Put a few bucks down, chip in, and put them to the back room.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: See if he comes out alive.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe maybe that's why he comes with an extension.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's why the Zen one is so traumatized, is because he went to the back room.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the back room, and they just tried to inject him.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she didn't take his wallet.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: He is coming to the midget one, though.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's how we ease him into it.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: He ease him back.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Trying to uh let him uh ease on the trauma a little bit by him.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: And this is how we're trying to get Will in as the money sweeper.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's gonna start the midgets first.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: That is definitely the dream job.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: It is the money sweeper.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: But even Buddy Buddy's like, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: Brand him, it'll be like a Mexican strip club.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, buddy, you think that's a good idea?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Huh?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, nope.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: Nope.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: No comment.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: He's no comment.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: He's just on Will's lap.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, you know, I thought that was just this was another week where I had to rip stories out of Reddit.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's been slow.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: It might be seasonal with these crazy assets.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're waiting till after uh after Labor Day.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that'll make it easier for me.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: The Orientals don't have Labor Day.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Work.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: Slaves work.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the railroad.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Mafia mics in the 19th century.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: The Chinamen don't have a they're still wearing those hats.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: You Italians have some hats too.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: You have some gangster hats.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, I thought that was a good opener for the week.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: It was.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, a feel good stories.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Feel good story.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: That went bad.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: A warning story.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: But moving on to a related subject, there is now smart flatulence underwear.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: Thank God.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Finally.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Finally.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Will's been getting his check up.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: This is really automated.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: So it says they can what they can tell about you and more.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Researchers hope to have a better understanding of people's digestive issues by measuring their flatulent production.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: So not everyone tracks their farts until now.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_02: Smart Underwear is making a case for paying closer attention to what comes out of your body.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: The creator said they hope tracking flatulence could eventually give researchers new insights into digestive health and how a person's flatulence offer clues into what's happening in their gut.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: Skidmarks and the underwear.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's why they won't give them the mafia mic.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I have dude wipes.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Get that crayon uh situation taken care of.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a full turtle head coming out.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Brantley Hall, the brains behind the smart underwear, an associate professor at the University of Maryland's Department of Cell Biology.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, talk about turtles.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: A pteropin right there.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: He said the team's ultimate mission is to help people eat high fiber diets.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: In the U.S., 95% of Americans don't eat fiber.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: That creates more flatulence.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: Once you get until you get used to it.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: People who don't eat fiber, it creates massive flatulence, which is why most people get that.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: But he said the nutrient plays a critical role in the role in the gut microbiome.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: But for some people, eating more fiber means more gas.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: So when you eat fiber, the gut micro microbes fermented, resulting in production of gases such as hydrogen.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: By studying who has more flatulence and less, it tells them all about your diet and helps them understand the microbes uh recommended for different foods.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: So you know.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: I was just hoping it would say, you know, if you had the really rich, stinky ones as opposed to the you know the ones that were greasy, yeah, the ones but silently deadly, but yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I know, I know Will that one as you look around.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's part of Mafia Mike's thing.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: That that'll also be silent.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's called clearing the room out of the assholes.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's an advanced tactic.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: I know uh Will was asking when he heard Smart Underwear whether it records video, but I don't think it does quite yet.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's part of the VHS collection.
• 22:12
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like those things where you could see the gas.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: The wavelengths of fumes.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they'll be Will's new OnlyFans, broker for I can get that money sweeping gig.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: They did have someone call the scientist the king of farts, originally using rectal tubes.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: So that could have been uh what are they sticking in or that's the old school version.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's like when you use the shop vac instead of the fillers.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: They they use the rectal tubes to measure the gas pressure.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I I imagine since he's a professor, he's the uh professor of farts and sciences.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know you asked if he could be your academic advisor.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: You know, be part of your smart underwear research.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: But uh I I thought that was another you know, that was another little Of microbiology and cell biology at the University of Maryland.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: So this is a very smart subject we're talking about.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: Education on Farting.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: But speaking of doctors, there is a lawsuit about a former fertility doctor using his own sperm to impregnate patients without their knowledge.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: This has got to be a reoccurring story.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's from Milwaukee.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then I guess it's not a good thing.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I there's some questions.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_04: Milwaukee.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Will keeps refusing you 23 and me.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's going to be like that movie with Vince Vaughn when he had the thousand kids or something.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it'll be the Charlie Sheffin.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: It said a Wisconsin woman and her son are suing a Milwaukee area fertility doctor, alleging he used his own sperm to impregnate her without her knowledge or consent in 1982.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: So whose sperm did she think he impregnated her with?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: An actual donor.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of a self-serving, self-pay donor.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but they how does she know who the donor is?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because of 23andMe.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: This is where it ties in.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: See?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: It is like Do not do 23andMe.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: They still, if even one cousin does it, they can uh cross.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: A Wisconsin woman and her son sued the Milwaukee area fertility doctor, Mary Ellen Lukezick, uh filed the lawsuit August 6th.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: The lawsuit said the mother and son made the discovery in 2024 after Haider submitted a DNA sample to Ancestry.com and learned he had multiple half siblings linked to Dr.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Detman.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: Dark windmaring sweating out.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a ring to it?
• 25:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: From Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of red flags going on in here.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: Upon tracing these DNA connections, Joseph identified a direct genetic link to Dr.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: Detman's family.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: That upon information, this genetic information established he was his biological father.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: He went by the last name Ladkey in 1982.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Will was in peak performance condition in 1982.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: So this is there's a lot of that's a third.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: That's a link here.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of linkage going on.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: Linkage.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: My college was a blur during that time.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: All blacked out.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: He's doing the insanity defense.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: He was a patient seeking Detman's uh fertility treatment.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Or she was.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: After medication and surgical treatments were unsuccessful, Detman recommended artificial insemination.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: The document said Detman told them the donor would be anonymous, a healthy young medical school student.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what was that?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: The University of Wisconsin or uh Madison or I will not do 239.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_02: He has no comment.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: We don't know about.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's both Lindsey Clancy and Fauci moves on this pod today.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: I will not answer that question.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_02: I plead the fifth.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: He's pleading the fifth word.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: Detman recommended artificial council.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: The document said he told the donor to be anonymous, healthy young medical student.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: During the fertility procedure, uh Detman inseminated her with his own sperm.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_02: The lawsuit said she gave birth to Joseph the following year.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: She believed more than 40 years, she believed for more than 40 years that Joseph's biological father was anonymous, an anonymous medical student.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: How thick was the insemination tube?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: So what am I?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's anonymous.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: So what does she care who it was?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because she's already know it's anonymous.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know who it is anyway.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: It might have been a very strange insemination, so maybe that's why.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Did they use anesthesia for this?
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: Why am I why is he on top of me?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: I blocked out hard.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: Wouldn't you use your hands and not your hips?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: Instead, all the DNA led back to one person, the very doctor who helped her have a child.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: Words cannot fully express what it feels like to learn your entire identity is built upon a lie.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: The families came to a fertility doctor uh hopeful that most of them could finally become pregnant, trusting completely that the physician who holds the dreams of parenthood in their hands would be responsible.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: He exploited that trust.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: Dr.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Detman is aware of the claims being suggested.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: According to HIPAA and Wisconsin's medical confidentiality laws, he cannot comment.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: He's depleting the I mean, you know this already, Will, obviously.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: He's still here.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: I still I'm still a little confused.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, okay, he said it was gonna be a you know, a young, he didn't say how young, medical student.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_01: He was a medical student at one time, so he really didn't lie.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he's 91.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: So he was probably like in his 40s or something.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, this will be a young, tall medical student.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry about it.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because I'm gonna charge you for jerking off in this uh cup.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: And do a little he's running this like a casino.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it was in his fifties then.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it could have been it could have been he had a bunch of samples, including his own, on a on a you know, like a wheel or something.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: And he had the wrong label on it.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: But it's just seven cups all from him.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, it's quite the wheel of fortune.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you gonna what's she gonna do?
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Trade her son in now?
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, put him back in there, and uh he's not my son.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, she got she got what she wanted.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: She got a child, right?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: And he seems like he was healthy.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't have any uh uh genetic problems, like you know uh as far as we know, yeah.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: As far as we know, yeah.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: When you do this, there's some sort of anonymous procedure and sampling and probably rules that when you get these sperm donations, and when you end up with a self-service program, you know, it makes things a little complicated.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_02: Apparently, uh, you know, if you if you're running it.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: You remember that movie Leonardo DiCaprio was in?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_02: Uh is it catch me if you can?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Where he gave the fake check to that prostitute and she gave him money back, and she basically paid him to fuck her.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Seems like that's kind of what this guy was doing.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_02: He's doing like a self-billing.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: So he jerks off in a cop and has the woman pay him, and then he breaks.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't think he's doing it as they're you know splayed out in front of him and stuff like that.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, do you know firsthand?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: This is why you plead the fit.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: You're criminating yourself.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Allegedly.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: Let me stop by saying allegedly.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is into medical ethics.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when when 40 people are related to one doctor.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still defending them.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I know.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: We we know this.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: Well you seem very militant about your defendant of this debt debt.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a fam, it's not a family thing, Winkwink.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: That is one interesting thing.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: I had when I did uh Ancestry and 23 Me, uh a woman from Manchester didn't know her dad, and it ended up being like my uncle or something.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: And uh cross-examined it even though the guy had not done a test, you can take the family tree and whittle it down.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: She was in Florida and so let's see the guy from teenage years got a calendar of all the girls he banged, and he has the names in the calendar.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this guy's a Rolodex of names, yeah.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, pretty much.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's that's a that way you have a calendar, and that way if they come back at you, I don't know you, honey.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're not on my calendar.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_02: Well, see, this makes sense because then they don't have to pay the interns and the medical students to do anything.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_02: And you streamlined the process.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to store the sperm, he does it right in the bathroom.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've never met anybody that got paid for their sperm.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was all free when you were doing your donations.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: I just did this as charity.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't I don't I don't know of anybody that even my own kids that wanted that DNA.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, yeah, I just thought that that was a nice little uh turn of events.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but there there's another slightly sexually related story.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: Here you go, Mike.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: Here, put it on Mike.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Mr.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: Shrinkage.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: Passing the buck on me now.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: Will's Mr.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Shop Vac and uh Mike's Mr.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: Mike's Mr.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_02: Ice.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: There's a California serial butt sniffer who has not been stopped.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_02: Buddy.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_02: Stop Buddy.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: There he is.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: He was sniffing Randy's butt.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: He's sniffing my hand closer.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he didn't have any.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: He's trying to cart count his parts.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have uh a stinky enough smell.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or a skin muck.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: He's already trying to smell my fingers.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_02: He's working his way in.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: Smells like sardine.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, kind of like the women going after Darren.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: Here you go.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: Smell my fingers.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: Darren is from California.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's why he didn't show up today.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: Police said a 39-year-old man, known by the disturbing moniker, the serial butt sniffer, is back behind bars in Southern California.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Accused of committing his lewd acts on many women.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's gonna stop him putting him behind bars.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: Now he has to sniff at fat hairy guys uh butts.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_02: Butts.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Khalise Crowder was allegedly caught in the act again, raising new questions about why he keeps ending up back on the street.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: Employees at a discount store in Glen Oaks Boulevard in Glendale said they know Crowder well, and he has been there multiple times.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're frustrated that this type of behavior allegedly keeps happening.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_02: So why does Crowder keep re-offending?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_02: It comes down to, it seems, the limitations of the law and what he is accused of doing.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder if Steven Crowder is going to start talking about this.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: This may be related.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: His cousin, right?
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_02: This seems like some spaz stuff, Crowder.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: Khalise Crowder was caught on surveillance video in several incidents allegedly sniffing the backsides of unsuspecting women.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: This is another plead the fifth with Will.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: Khalise Crowder.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: I bet you he likes doing the woman from behind.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, probably, or at least.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_02: He does his oral procedures with women from behind.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I agree.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely agree.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: He doesn't like how we're criticizing.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't like it.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: It smells like tuna.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you talking bad about me?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: He's protesting.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: You knew Buddy would jump in.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: He saw the mountain thing come in.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Here you go.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: Where did the okay?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_02: I was just only gonna sniff my fingers.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, just crack.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's his uh melatonin.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: Police Crowder was caught on surveillance smelling the backsides of unsuspecting women.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: The registered sex offender was captured in the act at the store the store on Friday.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: I reviewed footage, and lo and behold, the butt sniffer, the store owner Sam said.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: The worst case scenario you can think of, it's kind of disgusting, but I don't know what to think of it.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_02: Sam said it's not the first time Crowder has been to his shop.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: California has got to do something about this because he gets locked up and sent back out.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what to do anymore.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: When stuff spotted him, uh when staff spotted him again a few days ago, they called the police.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: Both the discount store and another Glendale department store reported Crowder hunkering down in the aisles, appearing to be sniffing something out.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot like Buddy.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they maybe Pets my maybe the police should just hire him for uh a dog sniffing.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, is it new canine?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_02: Canine.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe for hiding something in her ass.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: A really weird punishment.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, make his uh paint his nose neon so people know.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_02: Uh Crowder was later arrested on the hundred block uh of South Brand Street on a parole violation.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: Police said he will remain in custody until the parole hearing.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: The incident is just the latest of a string of arrests related to this disturbing behavior.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: Crowder's been caught on camera multiple times in the past several years at Storm.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: Why is he in jail?
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: He should be in a mental instance, too.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: Probably.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they just call it skip check your head.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: Or working for a perfume company, one or two.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: He did turn this into like his own Napa Valley.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, those grapes smell good.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this is Nordstrom shoes.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: This isn't the uh the wine tasting event.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: Uh oh, in the second incident, police responded to Nordstrom Rack, following reports of a suspicious loitering the woman's department.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh surveillance footage showed Crowder following a female shopper inside, crouching behind her and engaging in lewd behavior by inappropriately sniffing her buttocks, according to Burbank police.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: So he was later located and arrested near Walmart, of course.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's very similar to Myrtle Beach, right?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: Walmart getting a bad rap again.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: So should this be a crime?
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh well, if it is, they'd have to arrest half of Myrtle Beach.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: How is he how is he a sex offender?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't even touch the girl.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure this is tip of the iceberg.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: If he's been arrested ten times for sniffing woman's cheeks at Nordstrom Rack, I'm sure he's done other things.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they're not they're not telling you that.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're leaving that part out.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_02: They don't really let the background information out in California.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then you wonder why the guy's out all the time.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, this crack isn't a scratch and sniff.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we'll let you get away with this one.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just sniff and don't touch.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: He's trying to follow their rules.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's the police guidelines.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think I smell marijuana.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's what he's trying to do.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's test it with libertarian theory.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: Put a leash on them and put them in the police department.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: Put them in the back of the car.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: We need to find the drugs over here.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: If they're stuffing drugs into condoms and putting them up their ass in prison, this guy could find out.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there you go.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, it could be used for something positive.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: Positive spin on this.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_02: You're always the optimist, Mike.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: Or he could get he could get hired by the underwear guy as a uh quality control.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, this underwear didn't mark.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: He passed out must be will.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right after I had my Bubby's sauerkraut, yeah.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_02: At the end of the day, is this guy a lot like this University of Maryland guy?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_02: He just doesn't have the lab coat on the city.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: That's right, exactly.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have the he doesn't have the uh accreditation.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's he's he's not certified for this, but you know, he's doing his own field research.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: But I thought that, you know, sprinkle that in put those two guys together.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_02: The underwear would be would have cameras in it if we could.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_01: Find out both both of their fathers was some guy in Milwaukee.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: Both their fathers are doing it.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: There's all a connection with these stories.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's dangerous.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that there's a big through line here.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe that's why it was so slow this weekend.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: They all have us one giant story that's a giant story with a connection.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, back to one sorcerer.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: But ending it on more of a political note.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: A man was arrested with a guillotine near the Capitol, uh, in the uh with the guillotine in the back of his truck.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: A capital of where?
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: Of America, D.C.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, in D.C.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: He drove to Washington, D.C.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: with a 10-foot guillotine in the back of his truck.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he was gonna cut Trump's head off.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe he was coming trying to get some little beach to shorten your uh he's in D.C.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_02: He requires better procedure.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's a half-day drive here.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he's trying to cut uh Trump's thing off because he's always hitting something.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, Trump has big hands.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: He might need a reduction.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_02: Uh but it said the man was arrested Tuesday for driving with a guillotine near the U.S.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: Capitol, said police officers.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: When they pulled him over, he told them the weapon was the real deal.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I this is the thing.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: I it's I don't think of it as a weapon as much as it is a uh device, uh a punishment device.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, any more than like a skill saw.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, any more you could get at Home Depot.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: He could have said me, uh I'm getting prepared for Halloween.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: I will say, at least at Home Depot, they have multiple uses.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think the guillotine is usually used mainly for one thing.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like you know, you I'm gonna I'm gonna rob that store, so I'm gonna bring in a guillotine.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's not gonna be.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: Who is he saying this to?
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_02: The police.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_02: He said, Oh, this is the real deal.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: That that's how he I guess he was his plan of not getting arrested.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_02: So the affidavit filed with the Supreme Court of the District of Columbia said U.S.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_02: Capitol Police observed a black Toyota Tacoma.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like you have a ton of black taco uh illegally parked on the south side of uh unit block East Capitol Street, S E Southeast.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: The truck was parked in a Library of Congress permit parking only spot per the affidavit.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_02: If you're gonna bring he drove across the nation to bring a guillotine and then he parked in an illegally in the most yeah, blatant.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: So this was at the Capitol.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_01: He wanted it.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds like he wanted to get caught in the city.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's starting to sound either that or he was gonna roll that sucker into the Capitol and said, This is what we're gonna do to all those Epstein people.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: This is his version of Capitol uh statement of stupidity.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it might be like when Mafia Mike puts the the brass knuckles on the table.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's true when he's negotiating.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's just kind of like a it's a it's like it's there, you know what's coming.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, now we're gonna go negotiate in a different way.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the mafia Mike way.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: On the back of the truck was a wooden platform with an approximately 10 feet tall wooden guillotine with what appears to be a metal blade, read the affidavit.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: When Hill asked the man, identified as 35-year-old Philem Tam Doyle Lee.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, what is another Asian theme here?
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: If the guillotine was fully functional, he replied, Oh yeah, it's the real deal, man.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: So is is that a tie name?
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_02: But while in Tam Doy Lee, what was his purpose of bringing the guillotine?
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, he said after tapping on the blade section of the guillotine, Hilton confirmed, I guess that's a police officer, it was metal and sharpened on an angle.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: The suspect was arrested with one count of carrying a dangerous weapon, uh, the Capitol police said Tuesday.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and he drove from Julian, California, which is uh 60 miles northeast of San Diego, and drove straight to Washington, D.C.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: from California.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: But how is it a dangerous weapon unless you're putting somebody's head in there?
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's a gray area.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like uh I'm going there with a machete, you know what the intentions are.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's more mobile than a 10-foot uh geese.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the investigators are going through the suspect's suspect's background to learn more.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_02: During questioning uh before the arrest, Lee told officers he was not near the Capitol for any specific reason and didn't have issues with specific members of Congress according to the affidavit.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: So he doesn't even have a manifesto.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: So this is this is maybe maybe they considered it an automatic guillotine.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's an assault guillotine.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: An assault guillotine.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right, because he sharpened the blade.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the the kind of guillotines that the military uses.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: Military uses 200 years ago.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's a it's this is a military assault guillotine.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: Guillotine.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: Once you add the wooden structure it was on, that makes it an assault guillotine.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_02: The man also.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: See, buddy's getting wound up.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: He he wants his own assault guillotine then.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: What what do you what are you staring at Mike's crotch for?
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_02: It does need a reduction.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_02: I get the guillotine.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: The man also told officers he had a concealed carry permit for California, owned a Springfield XDM handgun, and trained regularly.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_02: When Diaz asked him what the gun was, the suspect said, Oh, it's not here where the gun was.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: So a gun dog sweep of the man's truck yielded negative results, the affidavit noted.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: Authorities did not find any other weapon for Lee's arrest.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't find any weapon.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: That is still not a weapon.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a weapon.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: A guillotine is just stationary item.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: Unless you physically put someone's head in it, it's not a weapon.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: The fork is more of a weapon than the guillotine.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I will say there there was a guy dressed uh like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre cutting down flaw cameras a couple days ago.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_02: It depends on the intent.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I I think the intent was to illegally park.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um just so they would find this in there and he he drove how could you not find it sitting in the back of the tie down, probably.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: In an illegally it's probably stairs at the Library of Congress.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can't just you can't lay it down flat.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds ten feet tall.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is on the diagonal in the Tacoma.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's so performative, and I think if the cops would have just said, okay, here's your parking ticket and let him go, this wouldn't make the the headlines.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody would talk about it, and and he would have been like, Well, crap, that didn't.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: I I drive I drove across the country and that didn't work.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think this makes the the police look like assholes.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: They don't even look like they're making they know what the hell they're doing.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this is just French furniture.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: He's transporting from California.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_02: So you know.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_02: If you have a bandsaw, right, you know, it it doesn't hurt anyone and put someone's head off.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can put that in the back of the pickup.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, then Mike does this all the time.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_02: He just puts the head one inch to it and then he lets them go, and that's his warning.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_02: So you know, it depends on your intent.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: Or he takes a couple inches off himself as a reduction.
• 47:35
  unknown: Yeah.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_02: Self-service reduction.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, I feel also much better now.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_02: The French Revolution did have better logistics than this guy.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: True.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: If he was going to use it as a weapon, you probably uh don't drive straight to DC and illegally park at the Library of Congress.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_02: So is this what you is Mike gonna get a guillotine now for his uh handicapping bookie business?
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_02: If they don't pay up.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't a weapon, it's not a weapon until it's used.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_02: Until you see blood on it, it's not a weapon.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: He did have a sharpener on him earlier.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: So come over there with a stone.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: I was going golfing with one club, but uh no balls, but I'm going golfing.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_02: So this is what I want to know.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because the stories have run out for the week.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: What were the odds and the shakedown and what went wrong?
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_00: The odds and oh, everything went wrong.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: It went south.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: The wheels fell off.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: I like I said, I was watching, I was up until one o'clock.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of these games were late games.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't start till 10:30.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of excuses, Will.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: And one o'clock, they look close, and then I went to bed and got up, and the scores just changed.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth quarter massacre.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I will say El Hefe is actually a certified mathematician.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_02: And we need to get El Jefe, Long Don Leighton, in here to do some sports handicapping.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_02: We we can get some mathematical models going.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_02: I know one thing with because my dad does sports betting, I think you talked him a little bit about it.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_02: College games are really hard.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, especially the first week, because it's not like it used to be.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: Every year, a coach would come in, know his players are coming back.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: This time, in the last couple of years, that's why Nick Saban quit coaching because he got tired of it.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: When they started doing that, it's not with the portal.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_00: The portal is what's killing college football.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because you have a quarterback you knew you had last year, he leaves, now you got somebody else coming, you don't know what you got.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_02: Shake shake the box, scatters all the odds around.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's it, because you don't know what you have in that first week.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, do they have like a preseason like uh NBA does or no?
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_01: This is the preseason kind of, where they will have uh a small, a smaller school or a they're basically playing no first one.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: You might get like the LSU Clemson was probably the biggest game.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here's an example.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_01: You you'd think that uh Michigan playing Western Michigan would be a blowout.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_01: And they had it in the the God had the well.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: The envelope came out in that game.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: Western Michigan was winning 12-7, and they put a second left on the clock.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: Michigan had the ball at the 47-yard line of Western Michigan, and it was just a Hail Mary.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: They had to throw it up and hope that they caught the ball to win the game, and they did.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: And Michigan's ranked 16th in the country.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: Western Michigan wasn't even ranked.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_00: They were like a four touchdown favorite Michigan.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: And they had to add time onto the clock at the time.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, like I said, once the game.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_02: The envelope came out in that game.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, now, if you can track the stats for all the players, how many college football teams are there?
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, God.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's probably a hundred there's probably a hundred, there's probably at least sixty games a week.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sixty games a week.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: So probably maybe more than that.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking and that that's just one A.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: FSC.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, one A.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because then you've got two A and three A.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: We don't even get into that.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: I was telling you.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_01: I was selling them.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_01: I I watched a 3A game uh last night.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: It was the uh New Haven uh against Stonewall or something like that.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, it was uh you know a crowd of 50.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_01: But uh again, it's it was entertaining, but the pace was a lot slower.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, the uh the kickers, the the what do I call them?
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_01: The the the talent spots, like the kickers, it would it was corn coin flip if they'd even get their extra point, you know.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even the guys on the game day from nine to twelve, they have the game day with all the guys there, and they were doing their picks, and I don't even think they did well.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, they everybody got hammered, even they got hammered.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's probably all the very players and Will did really good.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I am a Savant.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hey, hey, you had you had you had experience with the mafia connection.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's a lot of mafia.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_00: So he had to learn something from the family.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_02: You learn from the family, Will knew about the envelope, knew what was on that envelope.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_00: He knows what he knows about that envelope passing.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_00: He was one of the candidates to pass that envelope.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_01: In my college days, I'll I'll I'll confess one thing.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was not the better, but I was the bookie.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_02: Can you bet on these on DraftKings?
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like all of them, like 100 plus teams, like Andy Games again.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, pretty much.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: He's like that movie.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_00: What was that one uh in the Bronx with the kid there?
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_02: With the Bronx Tale.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_00: Bronx Tale with the kid.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: He's going to deliver the envelope and park the car.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's him.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: Michigan.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_02: Michigan's kind of close to Wisconsin.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's close enough.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, he is a network.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was just in the shadow of Chicago.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_02: Uncle Al.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uncle Wow Capone over there.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_02: Now, how can we get a are you guys just doing is DraftKings legal in South Carolina?
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_02: It is, okay.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you can't bet in South Carolina.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_02: You might not be able to.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_02: You can't bet in South Carolina.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: Allegedly.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_00: Allegedly.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of allegedly.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just trying to make this official so we don't get uh cops knocking at the door.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say Well, you just don't worry about that.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: You worry about tonight.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: When Notre Dame is up to the VPN, I'm just gonna say it's mine too.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: You come in tonight to watch the witness the beatdown.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here's the thing.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's one thing, it adds suspense to it.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because yeah, I've never really been into sports with my dad, spent huge on sports betting for like 10 years or whatever.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: And the it adds so much suspense, even just making a pick.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: But if you can put money down, even if it's a frivolous amount of money, it makes it 10 times more fun.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_02: It makes the suspense and the drama of it and everything just skin in the game.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_02: Little skin in.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_02: Are there yeah, I know South Carolina's like a total Salem witch trial state on these kind of things, but I think there are overseas uh betting things that I won't name and I will not promote because it probably is technically illegal to do in South Carolina.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_02: But there have to be some college, but also are you gonna bet on like straight up NFL?
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing the NFL this week because it starts this week.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_02: Now one thing my dad said on betting with football, because the scoring's kind of low relative to like basketball.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: And in in in the NFL is the the spreads are more tighter.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're close, they're tight because the competition is pretty even.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_00: Even on even the teams that aren't good.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well we'll talk, we'll talk about like over and under for the for the total score.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or we will talk about spreads yeah, the spreadsheet.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: The injuries, who got injured, does that take uh play in what the spread's gonna be?
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like if one of the team's quarterback got hurt.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that changes everything.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_01: When we're when we're at that uh that restaurant, people have fantasy sports.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if you talk about different individual players, uh if their fantasy is based on the NFL or if the fantasy is based on college, uh it's in individual player performances that give you points for it.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um uh depending on how your league is run.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of times they'll do all of it on individual uh players for the talent spots on offense, and then they'll have a group defense, you know, uh points, and that's how you see how you do against your competition.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I see, yeah.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that would be really interesting to like with ChatGPT.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_02: Because it can do such advanced mathematical more models and formulas and stuff.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: To put in all the player stats, all the team stats, home and away and injuries and factor in the right.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, in college football, it's a it's a lot harder to do than the pros.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I wonder if they even have the same public information for like the players and yeah, it's kinda harder because there's so much uh what they no uh switching of players from year to year.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what has not cropped up in the last decade is academic uh eligibility.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_01: I have not heard a peep about academic eligibility in the last year.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about let's pay the players.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_01: So some all this some rando idiot could be you know playing for Harvard, but but he he can't.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_01: I can't even spell his name.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um but yeah, but he can he can knock somebody down.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_01: But back in the day, you could have uh somebody who was a key player, but all of a sudden he he was not eligible for that game because of academic ineligibility because he failed his uh English test or something like that.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just legalize steroids and make it where they can't they don't need to breed.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, pretty much they're legalizing the steroids and they're paying the players in college.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and they don't care about their academics.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's like it's a free throw.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like yeah, it's like professional football.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_01: Lost control.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's professional football light.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_01: And um and it does drive some of the academic purists nuts.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, they hated sports to begin with, but now they really hate it, but they don't understand that they it's so necessary because some of that's how they fund their school.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they that's that's gotta be killing the NFL because now players can just say, well, screw you, I'll just go back to college, get paid.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then not to the SEC, because the SEC is trying to kill that.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_01: Look what they're trying to tell Lane Kiffin.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you do this, and we're gonna fine you, we're gonna make sure that you're you you can't get into the playoffs uh for our accomplishments.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't do it this year.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't do what he's doing because he has a legitimate team.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah, without those guys.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_00: He'd be stupid.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: I agree.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think they would fire him.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, not sure who Lane Kiffin is.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he's the co he's the coach for LSU this year.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: He was for uh Old Miss last year, and then he transferred over to and he's very successful, and he had two players that went to the NFL, didn't do well, and wanted to come back to college.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they didn't they didn't make the team.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_00: So they played for Old Miss and nowadays in LSU, they want to go come back to LSU to play for him.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_01: And and the problem is once you declare that you're gonna be a professional, uh that that should have closed the door for any more college participation at all.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but if they well, but what I don't understand is that's this is where the gray area is.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're you get drafted and you don't make the team then you're it's like you never ended your career.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but it's like you never actually signed, you never signed or played for them.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_00: I you didn't exist.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_01: The the the the You didn't play one game.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_01: The act of saying I'm gonna give up my amateur status to try to go professional.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's the same thing your amateur status.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but that's the same thing with the Olympics.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_00: The Olympics Olympics for years have been doing that.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_00: Well, taking pro basketball players and put them on the U.S.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_01: team.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_01: They took away, they took away a lot of in the early days, they took away a lot of gold medals or silver medals and everything else when they found out somebody played professional sports, even if it wasn't the sport that they won that medal in.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I can only cap this off by saying morals have melted and diminished.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, absolutely.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have morals anymore in this country.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me ask this to the words don't mean anything anymore.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_02: Don't these major leagues they divide them by like divisions and regions?
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_02: Why can't you just do a rank ordered scientific way where everyone competes against everyone else and there's no equalizing?
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like like football is like East and West or NBA does?
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what what it what it is is it's the destruction of meritocracy.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_01: They don't want it that the best survive.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: They just want it that uh everybody has some sort of angle in order to uh to you know get whatever it is, whether it's the uh a drug angle or a uh you know for steroids or anabolics or you know, human growth hormones or whatever it is that they're gonna be.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, we gotta keep the farm pharmaceutical companies going.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or or it could be uh things like rule changes to make sure that they can tilt the the tables into you know, quote, more exciting games and things like that.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_00: Notre Dame will not be denied this year.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Notre Dame for years.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is my this is why I hate those cheating buggers.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, uh for for decades.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_01: For I mean, this is how they built their program.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_01: They built their program by having you know Father O'Malley making sure that they played the the pittance of the the entire country for their schedule, and then then and only then at the end of the year play two games and and make themselves national champions.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas you'd have the SEC and the Big Ten beating their brains with high-quality uh school going against the city.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_00: We do it by using our brain, not the muscle.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but that's why we get at the end.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_00: I hate to tell you we know how to shangle and do some shenanigans to get in there.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_01: The brain, the brain that they're using is not between the ears.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_01: The one they're they're using is between the legs.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: So that's why well, here's the thing.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_02: What would be wrong with just like a free-for-all, no divisions, uh-huh?
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_02: Each team, it's almost like a communist type thing.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like they try to, oh, the worst team has to get the first draft picks, and they do all these rules, just have it steroids, legalize all of them, test them, right?
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, NBA basketball, when they do their draft, it's kind of like that.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's a free-for-all.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know what they should do is they should have this, this uh, this uh what do you call that?
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_01: When you play bingo, and you that you have this big ball that has wireball that has all the little balls in it.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_01: Is this part of Father O'Malley?
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and everybody, all the all the guys that are eligible for the draft for college or football or anything else, they're all they are all given a number, and then they just wind that thing up.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: And they pick the number, whatever number has to take the number.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great way of looking at it.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have father of a melee, don't I?
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_00: Father of the Melly, come on up here.
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go here.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get this thing on 69.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's fine when you got 69.
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_02: Well, to end the show.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_02: This is probably the longest one, but this was a fun ending.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_02: We need to have a with no money down for you know, SC code, a total freaking bookie uh bet.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_02: I I want to put bets, I want to do odds and put bets in.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_01: And now we've we've introduced you to sex.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now we'll introduce you to titty.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get you all the vices.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get Randy into all the vices.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_01: Masters club is gonna be a virgin anyway.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, folks, that's been another wonderful adventure in the episode of Microphone Monkeys.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_01: Buddy, give a bark.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_03: People say one of the monkeys monkeys.