Latest / Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women / How to Stop Over-Giving & Prioritize YOU - With Dr. Tia Warwick

Transcript

How to Stop Over-Giving & Prioritize YOU - With Dr. Tia Warwick · Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to the Thrive After 45 Podcast where we redefine the significance of you for you by you because of you.
• 0:11
  My name is Denise Drink Walter, and I'm a midlife renewal coach here to help women embrace their power, purpose, and potential.
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  This show is your space to explore what's possible when you prioritize you through inspiring conversations.
• 0:27
  Expert insights and real stories we'll uncover how to navigate transitions, rediscover joy and thrive inside and out.
• 0:37
  It's time to let go of guilt and fully embrace the life waiting for you.
• 0:42
  This is the Thrive After 45 podcast, and it is your time to thrive for you by you.
• 0:49
  Because of you.
• 0:51
  It is such an honor and a privilege to introduce and welcome Dr.
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  Tia Warwick to the Thrive after 45 podcast episode.
• 1:01
  Today.
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  Dr.
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  Warwick is a force in the fields of public education clinical research.
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  And education.
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  With nearly a decade of experience spanning academia, biotech, and public health, she has devoted her career to advancing healthy equity, environmental justice, and Alzheimer's disease research.
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  As the CEO of consulting, she empowers professionals.
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  And organizations to close skill skills gaps, optimize research strategies and design clinical trial trials that are both efficient and equity centered.
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  She currently serves as a public health director and assistant professor of biology, where her leadership continues to shape the next generation of scientists and health advocates.
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  Through her work, she has impacted.
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  Thousands of lives, mentoring students, supporting research teams, and guiding health initiatives that drive sustainable change.
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  Dr.
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  Warwick brings not only her scientific expertise, but also a deep commitment to building a more equitable and informed future, and we are so.
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  Grateful to have her here with us today.
• 2:28
  Welcome, Dr.
• 2:29
  Warwick.
• 2:31
  Thank you so much for that introduction.
• 2:33
  It's so, I'm so happy to be here.
• 2:37
  I don't know whether you sleep, I.
• 2:40
  Your portfolio.
• 2:43
  I'm like, how is she going to present today?
• 2:45
  Because if I, I just reading it, I'm like, how in the world do you find time for yourself with everything else you have on your plate?
• 2:59
  That's, you know, really good question.
• 3:01
  And I would say for me, when you're passionate about what you're doing.
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  It doesn't necessarily take, you know, all of your time when you're passionate about something, you're more efficient with it.
• 3:15
  And, um, I do a lot, I really do.
• 3:18
  Um, but I love everything that I'm doing and at the center of it all, I, I do know that I wouldn't be able to do that if I don't prioritize, you know, my health, um, and ensuring that I am in a good space to continue doing the work that I'm doing.
• 3:31
  But yeah, it is, it is, it is hard sometimes, honestly.
• 3:34
  Um, but I do really effective.
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  Um, organization, time management in the sense of I prioritize what is truly important.
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  Um, I ask myself, what are the five most important things I have to do today?
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  And while there could be a thousand things that needs to be done, I do make sure those five things are done.
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  And if you do that every day, um, you know, that'll, that'll always push you forward.
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  That's great advice.
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  I love why five?
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  Where did you come up with that number?
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  It was just my threshold, and it really depends on the person.
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  Okay.
• 4:09
  Great.
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  And so like if you feel like you can only do two things that day that is still better than, you know, starting somewhere.
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  I think that when we have all of these dreams, aspirations, hopes, and, you know, we're racing against the clock called time our biggest enemy, right?
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  We can often feel very overwhelmed.
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  Um, yeah.
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  And thinking that, you know, we need to get everything done all at once.
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  And so for me, you know.
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  If you're doing one thing a day, two, if that's your threshold, that is still advancing yourself and working within the confines of, of your own space and health.
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  And so for me, my threshold was five things a day.
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  Um, and when I hit that five, if I feel like I have it in me to do one more, I will.
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  But if I feel like I can do something else for myself, I'll do that instead.
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  But it's really important to prioritize that balance, um, and it takes discipline.
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  So if you do that every day, you will advance yourself forward towards your goal.
• 5:05
  I love what you're saying because something that I think is really, really important right now is the awareness that you have of yourself through it all, and.
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  Do you find that getting that awareness of your threshold as you referenced and understanding what that needs to look like, sound like, and feel like, do you feel that that is a foundational piece or an underpinning in order to continue doing everything that you love to do, or is there more to it?
• 5:42
  Um, it, it honestly isn't, and it's, and you explain that really well.
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  Um, for me it is self-awareness.
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  Like I think a lot of the times that I was one of those people, um, especially in college where I was essentially living in my own delusion.
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  And it's good to live in delusion, but um, in a positive way.
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  Right, right.
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  And I was, um, you know.
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  Taking 18 credits and I was doing this and I was doing that, and I was spreading myself thin and I was burning myself out.
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  Um, and I was just not in a space where I was ready to admit that because admitting that.
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  I was, I couldn't hack it or, or I was some type of failure or something, which wasn't true.
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  Right.
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  Um, the things that we tell ourselves, um, you know, we live in our own delusions a lot of the time, right?
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  And so for me, it, it was getting to that self-awareness.
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  And so it took some time, um, to, to get to that right, to say, okay, mm-hmm.
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  Let's, let's take a second.
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  Let's take a breath.
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  Let's really think about what.
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  Matters the most to us.
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  What are the priorities, um, and why?
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  Right.
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  Um, I think sometimes we get lost in, in doing all the steps.
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  We, we forget the why and so it just took me a second and when I did realize why I was doing what I was doing and.
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  What is important to me, not just for my career, not just for my family, but for myself.
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  Like what is important to me mentally, what's important to me physically, what is important to me emotionally and spiritually.
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  Um, I wrote those things down.
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  Um, and when I looked at the bigger picture, it wasn't just my grades, it was so many things that were important to me that were being deprived.
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  And so when I did take a look at all of those things, it, it helped me.
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  Remember that I'm, I'm, I'm a whole person.
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  And sometimes we feel like we're just extensions going through the movements of things.
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  And so, yeah, I, I think self awareness is at the core.
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  Um.
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  The secret to a lot of things and, and it definitely helps me.
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  So I, I absolutely love what you're saying because it sounds to me like it was a journey and, and I think my experience with myself and with the clients that I've supported over the years and continue to support, that's one of the things that I think is common across.
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  All of our, um, lifespan is that life itself is a journey.
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  And when that awareness peaks.
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  In interrupts what we've been doing and allows us to what you're saying, step back and reprioritize and actually take the time and the space to uncover what's really going on for you.
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  By you because of you.
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  Then you can actually start to readjust as your awareness becomes more attuned to what's happening for you.
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  Did you find that.
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  That was a challenge to stop putting.
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  Or maybe it wasn't.
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  It's putting everything else first and then realizing, wait a minute, I'm part of this important nugget, uh, to be looking after as well as everything else.
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  Was that a challenge for you?
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  I know a lot of my clients are like, well, isn't that self-centered?
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  Isn't that, isn't that being a bit egotistic to put myself first?
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  Is that something you struggled with or tell us more about what came up?
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  I mean, so this is actually great timing, so I did, it was a.
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  I did actually write a book called Life, but Make it manageable for that very reason.
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  And, um, in the book, I was very personal and I, I usually don't like getting really, really personal, I mean mm-hmm.
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  Um, but it, it, I've gotten comfortable in, in speaking about these truths.
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  We're all human.
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  Um, and I talk about being in a vault.
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  Um, and in this vault I.
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  Never looked back at this vault.
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  I just reached behind and just kept gi giving and giving and giving and giving and giving.
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  And I was happy to give, but never once did I thought to turn around and, and give to myself.
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  And so for me, I talk about.
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  Thought as a metaphor and thinking about that journey beginning, I, it wasn't even a thought, it wasn't even a consideration.
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  Right.
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  That I can do that for me.
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  Right.
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  Just as I'm doing everything else.
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  Um, yeah.
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  And I just, I just remembered there was a time where I could, I still had plenty to give.
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  I have a huge heart.
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  It was more so, even though I had a lot to give, I still felt empty.
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  And I don't know how else to explain that.
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  You don't have to be completely burnt out.
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  You may still have so much love to give and still feel completely alone and completely empty, and I just couldn't understand that feeling.
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  Um, and it's because I wasn't giving anything to myself, even though I had it.
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  I had it in the vault locked away, and I didn't share it with me.
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  And so for me, I had to learn one by one to to, to give myself things, give myself time, give myself grace, give myself.
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  You know, a spot day, give myself, you know, a opportunity to do something that is just something that I love.
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  Not for my career, not for my family, just for me.
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  Um, mm-hmm.
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  It took some time.
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  Uh, yeah, little by little I did, and now I feel full, so, and I still have plenty in the vault for everybody else and there's nothing to feel guilty about.
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  So it was definitely a journey.
• 11:22
  I love what you're saying and thank you for sharing that.
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  Um.
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  We, we'll wanna know how to access that book too, by the way.
• 11:32
  It's on Amazon.
• 11:32
  Yeah.
• 11:33
  Okay.
• 11:34
  We'll make sure it goes in the show notes so people can grab it.
• 11:37
  Because what you're talking about, I got chills.
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  I'm like, that's exactly why we are having this show.
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  This is exactly why we are having this conversation.
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  The depth.
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  Of capacity that we don't even understand.
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  We have, like you said, we give and there's still an empty void and what's that about?
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  I know in the audience, people are putting their hand up going, ah, she's speaking to me.
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  She knows me because this is very common.
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  Why when everybody else, I'm giving to everybody else and they're feeling so great, why don't I feel.
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  Great.
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  By doing all of that, why is there that nugget of heaviness in my heart and it's so valuable what you're sharing in terms of it's a journey and one step at a time and good things that last take time.
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  Right?
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  Rome wasn't built in a day, as my father would say, forever, and I never understood what he was saying, but I do now I have a better sense and so.
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  One question I have for you when you are doing what you do every day and pouring back into your cup, so it's overflowing and in the saucer now.
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  Thank you for that.
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  Do you find or notice that that change in your energy, in your capacity has a greater impact than you would've expected had you not been filling your own cup?
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  Do you notice anything there?
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  Yeah.
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  I think that my family, the people that I pour into may not notice it, but I do.
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  Ah, I feel it in the mornings.
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  I feel it on the inside.
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  It's not something people can see.
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  It's, it's only something you can feel.
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  And I went from dreading waking up in the mornings, like literally feeling like a bag of rocks and like I loved everything that I did, but I still was just so miserable.
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  Yeah.
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  Like getting that motivation to get up out of bed.
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  I, I, now, I'm, I can get out of bed and say, you know what?
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  I'm gonna take this time to meditate for me.
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  I'm gonna make sure that I do my little routine for me.
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  And, and I think the mornings are my favorite part.
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  'cause it's the most quiet.
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  It's the before the noise starts and that's the time I want for myself.
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  And so, um, it's just, you know, it's just, it feels better.
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  Like even though the world will never see it.
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  I feel better and I see it, and that's what really matters.
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  And yeah, no, I definitely, I can't even, I'm smiling right now because like, I just, it just, it feels freeing, um, to be honest.
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  And, you know, sometimes you're gonna have to say no.
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  Sometimes of course you're gonna piss somebody off, and that's just, you know what you're gonna have to do.
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  Yep.
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  For your own sanity.
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  Um, yep.
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  And if you're the type of person like me that just wants to be everything for everyone and doesn't wanna let people down.
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  Not that I'm a people people, but,'cause I, I just love the people I love.
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  Right, right.
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  And so when you start to say no and you put those boundaries up, yeah.
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  You'll piss some people off.
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  You'll feel guilty, but you don't need to.
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  Right.
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  And, and it, it takes some time to, to get used to that.
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  But you know, the first time I said no.
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  Yeah, of course family wasn't happy.
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  They're not gonna be happy being told no when they've been told Yes.
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  So for so long.
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  But Sure.
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  Yeah.
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  But there's, there's some, um.
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  There's a lot of weight that lifts when you say no sometimes.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  When you want to prioritize yourself, that is okay.
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  There's nothing, absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, truly.
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  Right.
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  Um, you're not any less of a person.
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  You do not love them any less, and you have nothing to prove.
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  Um, right.
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  You're there, you show up every day.
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  That's, that's proof enough.
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  And so just getting comfortable with a saying no and B, like being okay with it.
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  Yeah.
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  Um, that allows you to, to, to make room.
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  Um, and you have to make room for you.
• 15:34
  Um.
• 15:35
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:35
  Yeah.
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  Or else you're just gonna, like I say, you're gonna just, you're gonna evaporate.
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  You're gonna be there, but you're not gonna be there.
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  Right, right, right.
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  So it's really important to prioritize you.
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  And, and ever since I've done that, I feel.
• 15:48
  I feel really good, and I think it's not to be confused, to be selfish, right?
• 15:53
  Especially people who are right.
• 15:56
  Being, um, and prioritizing you is, is different from being selfish, right?
• 16:00
  If you can do.
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  If you can't, don't.
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  Right.
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  Right.
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  And there's not that, that's the difference.
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  So don't, don't feel like you're being selfish by doing that.
• 16:11
  Exactly.
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:13
  It's, it's so true.
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  And the the, you have to step into the water.
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  Don't jump into the deep end and cut everybody off.
• 16:22
  I talk about don't, don't.
• 16:23
  Dive into the deep end when you don't know how to swim, take those baby steps and it's incredible when you take the tiny steps, how that just makes it a little more comfortable, a little more comfortable just doing little bits and things start shifting and it's.
• 16:41
  It's no longer a big to-do that.
• 16:44
  We've created, you've said this a lot already in your conversation, what we create in our mind, we create such big obstacles that are only in our mind.
• 16:53
  They're not necessarily real, but they're real because it's our belief.
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  Right?
• 16:57
  Yes.
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  Which brings me to my question, is there one belief that you feel women need to release to make space for the impact that they.
• 17:10
  Are meant to have in their world, whether it's their immediate world or the big, grandiose world.
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  Is there a belief?
• 17:20
  Yes, Beth, thank you so much for asking me that.
• 17:23
  And I do think that, and I think that belief is you are good enough, you are enough.
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  Not you attached to your job, not you attached to your degrees, not you attached to your family, not you attached to your titles.
• 17:37
  None of those things you.
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  That's it.
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  You are enough.
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  And I think that when we strip all the things away that we worked on that, that, that gives us value.
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  We think we lose it, but we were already valuable.
• 17:54
  Hmm.
• 17:55
  Um, and so it's, it's really hard to think about that.
• 17:58
  I have my doctorate degree, I have this, I have that.
• 18:01
  When we take all those things away, how do you feel If you do not feel like you are enough, that is where you start.
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  Beautiful, beautiful.
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  Our identity.
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  Who are you?
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  Right?
• 18:16
  And do this for you, by you because of you, Dr.
• 18:20
  Warwick.
• 18:20
  What a beautiful conversation you have such talent, such brilliance.
• 18:26
  It's been an honor to share space with you in this conversation today.
• 18:31
  Is there anything that you would love to leave our audience with?
• 18:35
  Any final words of wisdom?
• 18:40
  Yeah, I would say.
• 18:41
  Do something that you've wanted to do for a while, but been putting off?
• 18:46
  I, I think that something, you know, just to end the conversation light, but fun and exciting.
• 18:51
  Yeah.
• 18:52
  Um, maybe you've been wanting to go full walk.
• 18:55
  It could be as simple as that.
• 18:56
  And you just, you always put out something else to do instead.
• 18:59
  Maybe you wanted to, to, you know, go out to dinner with a friend.
• 19:02
  Um, maybe you want to try out that new yoga class.
• 19:05
  I don't know.
• 19:05
  But whatever it is that you've been wanting to do.
• 19:08
  You just didn't think it was important.
• 19:10
  Um, so you've put it off.
• 19:11
  Um, it is important, so maybe give it a try and see where that takes you.
• 19:16
  I love that.
• 19:17
  Thank you so much for this advice, this conversation.
• 19:21
  If you are not following us on Thrive after 45.
• 19:27
  Please give us a follow.
• 19:28
  You do not want to miss these incredible conversations that I get to have with these amazing guests every single week.
• 19:37
  I wish you all the best.
• 19:38
  Make sure that you thrive after 45 and beyond and do something for you by you because of you today.
• 19:47
  Have a great day everyone.
• 19:49
  Bye.