Latest / Authentic Living / Coping Through COVID 19 – Strategies That Help with Grief Expert, Edy Nathan

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Coping Through COVID 19 – Strategies That Help with Grief Expert, Edy Nathan · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Hi, Ron.
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It's Roxanne Durgesh.
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I'm authenticating with Roxanne.
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Thanks so much for tuning in.
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Today, I have a special guest, Edie Nathan.
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Hi, Edi.
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How are you today?
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Great.
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Thanks for having me.
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Thanks for being here with us at this time.
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So, Eddie, and I got connected, quite a while back.
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And and her expertise is, was something that I wanted to explore anyway because you know, I
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talk a lot about different toxic topics related to mental health and well-being at on the
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podcast and fast forward, now it's it's even more topical and, relatable based on on,
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unfortunately, with the last 2 weeks and what we've been experiencing.
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So I'm gonna let Ed tell you a little bit about her background.
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And then we're just gonna jump right into talking you out about some of our expertise,
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which is around the area of loss, grief, uncertainty, and trauma.
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So, Edi, tell them a little bit about you, self.
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Sure.
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So, again, my name's Edie Nathan, and I am a psychotherapist in private practice.
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A keynote speaker and a workshop leader.
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And all, what I do surrounds the topics of grief and loss and burnout and trauma.
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And I actually utilize a variety of techniques in my work from EMDR to hypnosis to play
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therapy because I think that play therapy allows us to get beyond the protection of our
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language.
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So you might find in a session that I'll play with Clay.
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And Clay is a wonderful way to create something like a little object that represents the fear
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or anxiety or burnout that you're experiencing.
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Well, so us with the similar backgrounds, obviously, you know, I'm a psychotherapist too,
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and I also do EMDR.
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So you and I could probably have a phenomenal dialogue about these modalities and the space
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that allows people to to get to.
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So let's what So what's what made you want to to explore this this this path, into this
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career?
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It's it's such a great question because it actually brings in a personal story.
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And I I do believe that our personal stories impact what we do in our lives.
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And so I was, a survivor of sexual abuse I was, phobic and probably as a result of having been
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sexually abused.
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And I was also overweight, and then I lost my husband.
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So a combination of all of those things created over a period of time a perfect storm so much
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so that this corporate world that I was gonna be going into, as a trainer just didn't jive
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any longer with my life experience.
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And I realized after getting out of my house and no longer being, of, of Gorophobic, that I
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really wanted to teach people how to deal with the grief of the journey of life and that when
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we have what I call the big gs, which not not only includes the loss of a loved one, but
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those moments in time that are interrupters.
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Those moments in time when it takes your breath away and you you have to assess what's going
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on, who am I, and who do I wanna be, and I can't be who I was.
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And it's that hero's journey, if you will.
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It's like you you're going along.
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You've got this ordinary life and everything seems to be fine.
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And then all of a sudden, something hits you hard and whether it's sexual abuse or whether
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it's verbal trauma or or it's the loss of a loved one.
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It changes you forever.
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And through this through this journey, this metamorphosis, you you go into the depths and
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you go into the cave and you have to face yourself.
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Mhmm.
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And in facing the self, you learn who your allies are who your foes are, and then you come
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out after a lot of work and process.
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And you go back to an ordinary life, but The thing is is that you are forever changed.
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And though it's ordinary, yes, because you're going back into your norm, you will never be
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the same.
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And so the way you deal with people, the way you handle strife is going to be markedly
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different because of this journey.
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Absolutely.
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Because that that, like you're right.
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So, you know, I often say, and this is my you know, way that I explain it is that trauma has
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no beginning middle or end.
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Yeah.
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And it needs it leaves up shrapnel behind that could come at you.
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I don't know if you would agree with this, and this is how I try to explain it to people.
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And our senses, you know, encapsulate the shrapnel.
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And then it periodically just swipes us in whichever way it's gonna do in that moment.
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And then all of a sudden, we're spinning and we're like, nothing happens.
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Right?
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Nothing out.
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I'm good.
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Yep.
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I completely agree with you.
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And I love I love your image.
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The shrapnel because the shrapnel does get caught in our senses.
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So years can go by, and then someone walks by And there's a smell.
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There's an aroma that takes you back into that traumatic moment so quickly.
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It it it's like you don't know what hit you.
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And you're like, what was that?
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What was that?
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Yep.
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And all of a sudden, you start to go down.
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If you're ill equipped, a slippery slope.
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And what we as clinicians try to do is help people man the slippery slope so it doesn't
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become so slippery that you find yourself being sucked down into that vortex.
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Absolutely.
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So let's let's talk about I'm gonna I always call it big g trauma or small t trauma, and you
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call it big big g or small g.
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So let's say we were on this big grief and the little grief.
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And I call
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it big t and small t.
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So I'm I just let's talk about the time we're in, right?
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And, We know that as human beings, we we we thrive, you know, in a space of safety and
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security.
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And I'm gonna say that that's psychically, you know, on a global level, that that's not
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happening right now.
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We're in flux.
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We are definitely in flux.
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Right.
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And, some people are able to kinda go more with the flock and other people, it it it it spins
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them because of some of the uncertainty they've already been experiencing.
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What are you kind of what's your take on what's happening with the flux in the world and how is
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it impacting people's ability or should I say inability to cope?
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Well, people are meeting themselves in a way that they've never met themselves before.
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You know, we, we are busy.
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We are always busy.
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We're so busy that we don't have time nor do we make the time, most of the time, to sit with
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ourselves, to actually not not have a TV on or our devices on or going from point a to point
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b.
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And and now all of a sudden, we're in our homes or our apartments and we're being told, don't
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go out.
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And it's kind of like a now what kind of moment?
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Now what do I do?
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And if you are an extrovert, this time may be harder for you than if you are an introvert or
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even an ambivert, which kinda goes between the 2.
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Right.
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So what what I this is a time during COVID 19 for us to assess and assess our fears, how how
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do we take our fears and put them into gear?
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And and and I really like to think about how we take our fears and put them into gear.
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And what that means is I can either sit in it And I can let it overtake me, which is which is
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also what happens with burnout, or I can face it and say, okay.
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I I'm not gonna fight you.
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I'm gonna join you.
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And and I I talk about this with grief as well that it's not about who it's me and grief.
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It's actually I'm gonna partner with grief.
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I'm gonna dance with it because dancing with it actually lets me see how it moves and how I
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move with it.
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And then we actually become more partners than enemies.
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And if we if we can if we can make ourselves partner with it, then we actually are curious.
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And when we're curious and we we we take this this time of strife of of this this time of
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unknowing, and we're curious about ourselves, about our friendships, about who reaches out to
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us, Who doesn't?
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Or who who who goes to the doctor and really they're fine and who says I'm fine, but they're
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really not.
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And so we we're listening and learning, and our senses are becoming actually more alive rather
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than blunted as a result.
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Now that doesn't mean that some of us are gonna go into a depression.
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All you're gonna wanna do is sleep and hide.
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And what you're doing is you're letting the virus win.
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So what do we do?
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Well, this is, again, a time for learning, creating a template, what I call the p plan,
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And what I'd like to introduce is this P plan, which is you make a promise to yourself every
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single day.
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Now what is that promise?
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It's that you're gonna make a plan.
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Mhmm.
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And then you're gonna you're going to listen to that, and you're gonna launch it.
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And that might be, I'm gonna make a plan for the day.
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I'm gonna make sure that I get up at 9.
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I brush my teeth.
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I comb my hair.
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Or I shower.
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I reach out to 3 friends, and then I look at something that's funny that's gonna make me
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laugh out loud.
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And and that's listening and launching the promise.
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So you you then need to act on the on the promise.
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And that acting is continual.
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It's like a re it's like regeneration.
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It's like it's like mona.
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It's like oxygen.
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I'm acting on the plan.
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Now the thing is when you act on a plan, then you've gotta learn how to navigate through it.
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And you navigate through it, because it's new territory.
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And so this is where you get to learn about yourself.
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You get to take notes.
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Gee, I didn't know that I could actually smell an apple, or this is the way an apple sounds
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when I cut it, or I didn't know that this friend actually cared about me, or I didn't
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know that I could actually take a shower for more than 3 minutes.
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And these are all all sensory things, but following this P plan is really instrumental in
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dealing with burnout, in dealing with being alone in in your own space, especially and if
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you're an extrovert, it gives you it gives your brain something to do.
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You know, it's it's interesting as I listen to you.
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And I know you and I, you know, have lived in the similar worlds, even though our paths are
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crossing for the first time, and it's really that we've been teaching people how to do this
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generally because they're coming to us for a reason.
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And now what's happening is the issues are coming to our homes.
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And our teachers knocking at the door saying, open up, open up, open up, I have something to
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teach you, and generally, you know, like with psychotherapist, a psychology so, you know, I I
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don't need one of those.
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But really, I I look at it, our roles, in the world as as being, I call myself a vain or a
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space that people come to because they truly need to just listen to what's deep and deep
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inside of them.
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But they don't slow, as that vein opens.
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And sometimes they come and they open it up and they go, oh, I don't like this, and then they
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go off again.
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But you have those people that consistently are aware that they need to keep that vein open,
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and they look at therapy as, as natural as as, going to a, you know, for a checkup with the
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doctor or to getting my teeth cleaned or, you know, just a normal part of optimal functioning
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and wellness in my life.
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And I think the space is is kind of flipping it on its head.
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I don't know if you agree with I haven't had this conversation with anybody else either than
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you, and it's coming from somewhere.
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So I've just forwarded it.
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Coming from somewhere, and I love the image of the vein.
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Yes.
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You know?
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And some people wanna keep that vein open.
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Wanna keep the flow.
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Right?
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They wanna keep the flow from the their their curiosity, their their desire to understand the
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self, the soul, the psyche, Right?
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Their bodies, how the how the brain, and we're learning so much about the brain right now.
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And it's so exciting.
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And that brain is like that vein is like those neural impulses.
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And the messages that we give ourselves And the message is that we need to be giving ourselves,
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like those cognitions and how we change the negative cognitions.
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I can't do this to, yes, I can.
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I just it might not be the way I thought, but I can do this.
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I am gonna get through this.
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And how we talk to ourselves and our brains and our spirits and our souls and our bodies so
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important during this time and keeping the veins to use your imagery, open, open to
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friendships, open to therapy.
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And, yes, we have never spoken you and I, And yet, I feel a kinship with you.
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I we're, like, speaking the same language.
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And I I I'd like to think of myself as the old family doctor somebody comes in and we spend
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some time and they leave and they spread their wings, they fly.
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And then they realize that one of their wings is is hurting a little bit, and then they come
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back in.
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And then we work a little bit, and then they go out and they fly.
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And then another little part of their wing is damaged, then they come back in And it's not
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about what's wrong with someone.
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It's from my grief perspective, what I talk about is what are you yearning for?
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What are you hungry for?
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What's missing?
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I don't care if if you've got a diagnosis of depression or anxiety.
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You are not your diagnosis.
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What are you yearning for?
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Because if we can track that, wow.
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Right there, what you're yearning for, you you you can you can say, well, you know what?
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I got really, really hungry for love when I was seven, and I've been hungry ever since.
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Yep.
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And that's what makes this time in isolation so hard because I don't have any positive love
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messages.
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Ingo,
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Yeah.
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And people are afraid.
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They're being let's put it bluntly.
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They're all being forced to slow down.
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And generally, we are a society that wants to run from slow.
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Would you would you agree with that statement?
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Because what is it what does it mean to be slow?
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It means we have to listen.
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We have to settle down.
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We have to quiet our thoughts that are racing.
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Mhmm.
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And you know, there is there is a thing about how much we are moving and how quickly we move,
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and it is we have what I call the healthy denial of death.
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And when we are in our quiet times, we may meet parts of ourselves that we do think about loss
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and dying.
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And parts of us dying and the loss of a parent or the loss of a friend and the loss of a job,
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the loss of a limb, And if we keep busy, then we don't have to think about any of that.
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So this time, really, is I'm gonna say it's a loss of what we think was functional to us, and
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this time has, and that pivots us to a point where now we can't negotiate with slowing down
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because we've been forced to slow down.
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And a lot of people are reeling, you know, I don't know if you go out when you
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go out in your community.
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Where where are you located, Edie?
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Where So, I'm I I actually go between New York City and Long Island.
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Right now, I'm on Long Island.
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You're in Long Island.
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So you're like
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I'm in now.
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I'm in it.
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You're in Wow.
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4 university hospital is 15 minutes from my house.
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Wow.
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Wow.
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I'm in it.
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Wow.
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You're in you're definitely in, one of those definite you're tumbling.
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You're tumbling.
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There's tumbled.
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There's tumbling everywhere.
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Neighbors across the street are waving.
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I've never seen these people before in my life, and they're like waving that somehow Like,
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somehow even though, like, there's social distancing, but now it's okay to wave.
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You know, it's such an interesting time right now.
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But to get back to this honing in on, g g, this quiet time, you know, we talk a lot about
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meditation.
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And and some people say, oh, I can't meditate.
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Well, you know, I'm not so sure that's true because when we drive,
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I don't know.
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Do you drive?
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Do you drive?
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Do
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you you know, you get on at exit 10, and then you get off at exit 23, but you don't exactly
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remember having driven from 10 to 23.
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Guess what?
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You've been meditating.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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You're you're pausing, which is what which is exactly what the world is on.
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We are on pause right now.
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That's right.
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Right?
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And everybody everybody can't wait to on pause, which I I get that.
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We all need to feel safe again, and we need all need to, I mean, being what with what's going
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on in New York state and I'm in Niagara Falls.
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I'm I'm only 6 hours away from you, and I I mean, I I I love New York and and, you know,
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just the fact that that's going on there, you know, you you feel that affinity because it's
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like, I you know, you can't believe it's happening.
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We all want that certainty again.
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That's true.
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And there are some people who are lightening this to 911.
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The thing is, is that 911 was a very was very different in that we could all get together.
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We could gather in restaurants.
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We could we could, yes, shake strangers' hands and say it's gonna be okay.
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We could do we we could be in community when we felt the danger, the external danger.
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Now there's an external j danger and we're having to find other ways to create community.
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And so in in that way, This is very, very different.
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I was on the front line for 911, and it doesn't really matter what happened.
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But but when the the the men came out of the pit, and we and we greeted them out of the
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pits, which was like, you know, where they were really looking for life and then bodies, They
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did not they did not want to leave.
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They they were mandated to leave, to go home, to go to their families, to eat, A lot of our
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health care workers now are being mandated to either stay in the hospitals or when they go
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home, they don't know what to do with themselves.
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And there's the burnout and there's the potential PTSD 6 months, 8 months, 12 months
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down the road if they're not held and taken care of and find ways to, to hold the grief
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that they're that they're experiencing.
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And to communicate it, to honor it, and to name it as Brene Brown always talks about.
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You've got to name the vulnerability.
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You've got to name the voice around this.
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It is so very, very important.
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For it's just the instinct to oh, when we've done this, you know, let's talk about the
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pragmatic things like the economy and all those things.
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And and all that has to go back to you know, whatever it is gonna go back to.
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But really, we need to we need to heal on a deep, profound space to this new reality of
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whatever it's gonna look like, Edian.
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And and I I mean, truly, do any of us know what it's gonna look like?
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And none of us know what it's going, which is which is true truly what a war zone is.
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You never know once you've you've you've had to hide from the bombs and you've had to go into
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those sub sub basements, right, And I've certainly haven't survived a war, but, you
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know, I've seen enough movies.
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Right?
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But you you go underneath and you've gotta hide and you've gotta wait until all the bombing and
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you have no idea when you when you come up those stairs and you open those doors like the
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wizard of Oz, what are you gonna see?
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And I I love losing imagery and like the wizard of Oz, every one of your listeners, you do have
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the ruby red slippers.
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You do have the ability to change the way you think, to change the way you're holding this,
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If you are having financial difficulties, then don't be don't don't feel afraid to reach out
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for help.
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And on the on the flip side.
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If you you have the means and you have some neighbors who you know might be having some
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hard times, then drop off a a a meal or give them a a, a a a a card.
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I don't know, like, a a visa card with 50 bucks on it because that could mean so much to
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someone.
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And we just need to figure out what our roles are here.
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Kindness, like, really, like that simple act of kindness.
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And, you know, to to to speak about it, you know, as mammals, what do we need?
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What do we need?
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What do we need?
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Right?
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We know that.
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Okay.
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I don't know you, but I now I feel connected to you because I can see you.
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And so the instinct is to now, if I were to come closer to you, I would feel connected
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because that's how mammals are.
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We need that eye to eye face to face I can I can I can relate to you?
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And that's the part that I think we're being tasked to not touch unless you're you know,
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you're in the same home with someone, you're at being asked, not to be able to go out, you
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know, you you you know, if you But the basic things, you know, when I go out, I live in a
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small little community here in Niagara Falls.
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And I try to I always did before, but now even more, I try to make sure that I make eye
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contact and smile at everybody I've seen because I think everybody is feeling the same
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way.
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Yes.
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And we all need we can all be able to touch each other.
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We may we can't even stand close to each other now.
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Oh, but you can smile or you can wink.
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Or you can, you know, yeah, you can smile through your mask if you're wearing a mask and
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people will know just by the glint in your eye that you've just smile.
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Yes.
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And all these people that are having to, stay at work, like the, you know, people in the
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groceries and the you know, the MS and all those people, like, you know, they meet to your
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point and they're, you know, they're we're we're not liking the fact that we can't leave
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or homes and all that, which is a whole other thing, but they're having to leave their homes,
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and they're having to leave their families, and they're having to go to the frontline And then
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they have to go back home to their families who are also worried that, you know, what what are
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what are they bringing home?
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So they have a a, I know, we had a bit of a double edged sword Our thing is how do we cope
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with being, you know, in our space without, the normal kind of, social events and all those
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things, which you know, people are struggling with, but they have a double, answer to your
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point.
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They do.
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Because they're they're concerned about being on the front line, and then they're concerned
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about coming home and and maybe hurting their family members, and because maybe they're
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carrying the virus.
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And it's it is a very much double edged sword.
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And, you know, you were talking about, you know, mammals.
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I mean, when babies are not touch they fail to thrive.
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Right?
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And so we need to fig figure out ways to create communities so we do thrive.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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So let's talk to let's talk a little bit about people that are alone, that are maybe self
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isolating that's alone.
25:08
And what kind of things that you might be able to suggest to them, Edie, that might help them
25:16
to to do that that virtual touch that we would be generally instinctively, we do naturally as
25:22
human beings.
25:23
What could people do?
25:24
So, you know, I don't know you, really.
25:27
You know, I've just met you.
25:30
And yet, there's a kind of conversation that you and
25:33
I are having that feels very intimate Mhmm.
25:36
We are, sharing resources.
25:39
We're sharing our knowledge and and There's a sense of community in this.
25:45
Mhmm.
25:45
Mhmm.
25:46
And I feel touched.
25:48
Mhmm.
25:48
Okay?
25:49
My heart feels And so I think for any of us who are alone in our homes, And certainly, some
25:58
people who live in New York and are living in three hundred square foot apartments and
26:03
there's nowhere to go.
26:04
It's hard.
26:05
It's really, really hard.
26:08
So I I want you to really reach out to at least 1 to 2 people every single day, maybe someone
26:16
who is not just a friend, maybe someone who you work with because that's an that that is a a
26:23
part of us and maybe just having a conversation about work or about some ideas you have or
26:31
about creating a business or whatever the case may be, something that can get you excited.
26:37
And to to to make a commitment to yourself, I'm going to have at least one friend connection
26:42
and at least one business connection where I get to talk from different parts of my brain.
26:48
So that would be one way of of of certainly connecting acts of kindness, which could be
26:55
you, you reach out to someone you haven't spoken to in a really, really long time.
27:00
That might be an act of kindness, even sending a gift, you know, through the, something funny.
27:07
Yep.
27:08
You know, and these these humorous things that are being sent, there's one that was recently
27:13
sent to me from YouTube It was a dog talking about when it when are when are her owners
27:19
going to be leaving the house like this enough already, and get me at, you know, get them out
27:24
of here so I can rest because they're driving me nuts.
27:29
Yes.
27:30
And and my husband and I, we howled.
27:32
We were laughing so hard.
27:34
And and so in a way, something like that the sender makes you feel warm toward them because
27:42
they've also engendered laughter.
27:44
Right.
27:45
Right?
27:46
Then there's also self care, which is making something really delicious for yourself, making
27:51
good soup even if you're not a cook, okay.
27:54
So you can say I'm not a cook, but maybe maybe you might wanna explore it.
28:00
Or maybe you wanna share that share it with another friend.
28:05
We're gonna co cook together.
28:07
I'm gonna get ingredients, and I'm gonna I'm gonna make often.
28:10
You're gonna get the same ingredients, and we're gonna we're gonna share this meal, even
28:15
though we're just doing it, you know, like, through Zoom.
28:20
Another another way is is true right letters.
28:23
Do do snail mail.
28:24
It can really help you to feel connected.
28:27
Again, writing down what's going on for you and being honest about it rather than, you know,
28:34
putting up a good a good front identifying your archetypes, like, you know, do I have do I have
28:42
a cheerleader?
28:43
Do I have, you know, wild women.
28:47
Am I do I have the inherent mother in me, the caretaker, and using all of these different
28:54
parts of you, the caretaker, the cheerleader, all of these different parts of you to make you
29:03
feel connected.
29:05
And I often say that I don't know if you're like the CD, but I'm I'm an extrovert and, I
29:12
have lots of different friends that initiate or trigger parts of me.
29:16
I've once it friends have taught me like it is.
29:18
I have friends that make me laugh my ass off.
29:20
I have people that if I wanna kinda problem solve something, I can I can, you know, rest
29:27
assured that they're gonna help me through it?
29:29
And I've always kinda maintained those connections.
29:32
And I think it's something that people, if they don't have that, is this is maybe the
29:35
opportunity to start to think.
29:37
Who could play that role?
29:39
Because as we go through this new era, you know, like us as therapists, like, you know,
29:45
when I would work with trauma, and I would be front line with the police.
29:48
And I've just dealt with something horrific like a murder suicide.
29:51
I would come home, talk to my husband, and he would be like, what?
29:54
And then I'd have to go find a friend that really did it that got it and went, oh, and I
29:59
would get more support in a different way because that person could relate.
30:02
So I often say when you look at your support system, think But what can I do I just need to,
30:08
like, how right now and and address you already not think and who's gonna help me elicit that
30:14
behavior in myself?
30:16
Yes.
30:16
I love that.
30:17
That's exactly right.
30:18
And sometimes the the best way to do it because we can't hold all of this in our brains is to
30:23
actually create a map.
30:25
So you you create this map and you've got you in the middle.
30:29
So you say me in the middle.
30:31
And then it's like, one one, arm is a humor.
30:37
I need humor.
30:37
And another, is I need someone who understands you know, my sensibility at work, and I need
30:44
someone I can talk, to about intimate stuff.
30:49
And then you've got all of these different topic areas.
30:52
So who would fulfill that?
30:54
Mhmm.
30:54
And then you're able to actually see, oh, okay.
30:57
So I can go to John for this 1 and Mary for this 1 and Joanne for this 1 and and and I have
31:04
someone who inspires me and and and you begin to see who who your go to people are.
31:10
I love that visual.
31:11
That's what I'm gonna have to steal that from you.
31:14
Anytime.
31:15
Of course.
31:17
But I think it's, you know, let's talk about being quiet and talk about the downside of we
31:22
were talking about all these inspirational things.
31:24
And, unfortunately, we know that as human beings, as much as we could talk about adaptive
31:30
coping, there's a lot of of coping that people are gonna utilize, unfortunately, more through
31:35
this time.
31:36
Right?
31:37
So whether it's it's drinking too much, whether it's you know, watching too much news, whether
31:43
it's, you know, eating eating too much.
31:47
Eating too much, eating too many wrong things.
31:51
Disruptive relationships, all that different stuff.
31:53
There's a lot there's a lot of, you know, ineffective ways of public, and we're gonna
31:57
unfortunately see that.
31:59
Yes.
31:59
Right?
32:00
And because, again, I think, my perspective is that slowing could be your best friend, but it
32:06
can also be perceived as your foe.
32:09
Right.
32:09
Right.
32:10
And one of the things that I'd like to just say and and I think you you I think you would agree
32:17
if this enclosure has created trauma within your house get out.
32:25
There are there are there are still safe places to go.
32:29
And if you can't find a friend, then that's in the area than than at least communicate to
32:37
someone and let them know what's going on because you do not have to do this alone.
32:42
And what happens when there's already strife in a relationship, a situation like this can make
32:51
can can make you kind of look at each other and say we're not gonna collude with one another
32:56
anymore.
32:56
We're gonna try to find ways to actually be kinder to one another.
33:02
We're we're we're we're going to be collaborative We're gonna find ways to be
33:07
collaborative.
33:08
But if you're unable to do that, you need to set ground rules, even if it means, and if
33:13
you've got you know, you're able to space yourself or close a door or lock a door, keep
33:18
yourself safe and understand that sometimes these difficult times can make someone who's
33:25
angry, angrier, can make someone who's explosive, more explosive, can make someone who
33:33
drinks a small amount, drink more, and you need to, you know, be aware what's going on in your
33:40
environment and keep yourself safe, which means on that that that that, diagram that we talked
33:47
about if you need to have a safe person who's that safe person.
33:51
Mhmm.
33:52
And, there is, you know, there's certainly a lot of chat rooms with AA and OA.
33:58
And so keep keep yourself safe.
34:01
Now if if you're not in danger, I'm happy to hear that.
34:07
And it doesn't mean that you're not, you know, maybe smoking too much pot, wanting to
34:13
disappear, all you wanna do is stay in bed.
34:16
All of all of these coping ways of coping that can actually lead to depression and greater
34:25
anxiety and greater, a greater sense of, isolation.
34:32
They don't they they really maybe momentarily, they help, but as they go through your body and
34:37
they leave your body, you're you're left with a magnification of those experiences.
34:44
So if you are feeling this way, and you don't you've you feel that you've overused your space
34:51
with friends or family, which can sometimes happen.
34:55
It happens.
34:56
Right?
34:57
So
34:58
reach out to your family doctor if you have 1 or reach out to a clinic or reach out to
35:04
someone at urgent care because they may be able to help you direct you.
35:10
They may be able to give you something to calm yourself down.
35:13
There are natural things out there, but you you you, you know, don't say no to, you know,
35:21
getting extra help.
35:23
And getting on to chat rooms, getting getting into 800, 800, suicide hotlines, And, you know,
35:33
it's interesting because it seems that the suicide rates are actually dropping because
35:38
there's something very real that's going on as opposed to something that's just being
35:41
manufactured in the brain.
35:43
So if you find, oh, I, you know, I'm I you're not suicidal, which is kind of strange.
35:49
Maybe you're feeling alive by this, harness this because there's a message there too.
35:55
Absolutely.
35:56
What, what's great guidance, right, because we can talk about this the the spiritual, energy
36:03
that is coming out of most of us, but we have to also acknowledge that people that were
36:08
struggling before that this may be an exponential effect.
36:12
And, unfortunately, you know, I and my one of the biggest tips that I often say to people is
36:17
that and I started this years ago was that I limit the amount of new that I watch.
36:22
So I've been saying to people, figure out what you need to know, figure out how much of it you
36:26
need to know, and schedule the time so you're gonna take it in and then shut it off.
36:31
Yep.
36:33
That's the big inoculative piece that you can give yourself right now.
36:36
Like, you're living you're living in, you know, Long Island.
36:41
How can you not be worried about what's happening right right in your
36:44
But you know what?
36:45
I mean, I I I I have absolutely followed your advice because it was, like, 247, and it's
36:52
like, no.
36:52
I'm not doing this.
36:54
I am not doing this.
36:55
I'm gonna I'm gonna turn it on in the morning, and I'm gonna turn it on around 5 o'clock.
36:59
Gonna hear what's going on.
37:01
And if anything's changed, I'll hear it tomorrow.
37:04
And and because it it it's infectious.
37:08
Yeah.
37:09
It it becomes part of COVID night, the COVID 19 virus that's that's that's in my house, and I
37:16
don't want it in my house.
37:18
Absolutely.
37:19
Right?
37:20
Let's let's just pivot a bit.
37:22
And I want you to ask actually speak to people that find it hard to slow.
37:28
And you you alluded to some things, and I know this is you're you're on my world, so we get
37:33
it.
37:34
But I want for the average person that goes I don't I don't know about this.
37:37
I don't even like it.
37:39
I've never had to do it.
37:40
I don't wanna do it, but I'm I'm being forced to do it.
37:43
What are some simple little ways that they might be able to step into, mindfulness or
37:49
being present that that you would be able to suggest to the meeting.
37:54
So there are three things that we have access to all the time, and they don't require people.
38:02
One is our breath, one is our bodies, and the other is our minds.
38:09
So I'd like to talk about those three pieces.
38:12
In our breath, the way the one of the best ways to kind of just slow ourselves down is actually
38:22
to take in a breath, hold it, Let it go.
38:28
And I don't care if it's a count of 5 or a count of 10, and then do that again.
38:33
And it's a really good deep breath.
38:35
And this is really good the lungs because you're oxygenating the lungs.
38:40
You're actually bringing oxygen to the brain.
38:43
And it's a refresher.
38:45
And then the and then you're gonna take in that breath and you're gonna let it go.
38:48
And then the third time, you're gonna take in a breath and what helps you to be present is this
38:54
time you're gonna hold it until you feel like you just can't hold it anymore, and then you're
38:59
gonna just go And you make that sound, and it's like, oh, wow.
39:07
Like, my body, just even doing it here with you, I I actually feel like a little elect
39:14
electricity.
39:16
And so what was kind of feeling dead or like listless is now feeling a little bit alive.
39:22
And there are a lot of these different breathing techniques.
39:25
So that's that's one piece.
39:27
So that's the breath.
39:28
Now let's talk about the body.
39:30
The body, you know, we everybody has their different level of exercise.
39:39
Exercise is a wonderful way to kind of find what I call calibration.
39:44
And we all need calibration.
39:46
And in studies, and I'm sure you know already know this, but in studies of people who were 3
39:52
different groups, One group was given antidepressants, another group was given
39:57
antidepressants in exercise, and another group was just given exercise.
40:02
The overall group that was the most successful over a 1 year period of time was the exercise
40:08
group.
40:10
So one of the things that I really suggest is is start small, maybe just jump in place ten
40:18
times.
40:19
Maybe do 10 push ups, maybe do if you if you have strength, do a plank for a second, for 10
40:27
seconds, for 30 seconds because in in moving the body, it actually is meditative.
40:34
It actually does create a calibration.
40:38
And when you change the the the the essence of the body through exercise, you're actually
40:43
talking to the brain and changing the connections in the brain.
40:47
And then we've got the brain, and we've got our cognitions and what we tell ourselves.
40:52
We've got the negative cognitions, right, Oh, man.
40:55
I'm not gonna be able to do this.
40:57
And and and slowing down is baloney.
41:02
Or you can counter that with.
41:04
So I'm gonna slow down right now, and I'm just gonna do a quick check-in, like, what am I
41:10
thinking?
41:11
What am I feeling?
41:13
What do I taste in my mouth?
41:16
And then what I'd like you to do, if you have an orange or an apple or your favorite food
41:21
that is kind of healthy, I'd like you to just take a bite and taste it.
41:29
And believe it or not, I want you to try to chew it 10 or 15 times before you swallow it
41:36
because we rarely do that.
41:38
But what this does, it actually enhances all of your senses, and it slows you down.
41:44
Now these exercises may seem a little bit silly, but over time, you'll find that you're
41:50
more awake and you're more alive and you're sensing things and you're more curious about
41:57
what you're feeling, what other people are feeling, and it enables you to think about
42:01
others in a very in in, actually, in a more generous way, and your focus becomes less on
42:10
the pain of being still and more on gee.
42:14
I wonder what I'll be in discovering today.
42:18
Sounds very nice.
42:21
Very, very nice.
42:21
A nice place to be.
42:23
And I think I always say to people that it does not have to be an epiphany.
42:26
It doesn't have to be an hour Pilates class or whatever.
42:30
It it it can be small snippets of things.
42:34
You know, and, you know, what I would often do with a lot of my coaching clients is, let's
42:38
say, set an alarm on your phone.
42:40
Yep.
42:41
So it forces you out of that kind of malaise of wherever you're at and say, okay.
42:46
Drop to the floor and do ten push ups.
42:48
And they go, really?
42:49
I go they go right now.
42:50
I'm like, oh, yeah.
42:50
You can do it.
42:51
You're in
42:51
my office.
42:51
And they go, oh, okay.
42:53
Yep.
42:53
Or, you know, I'm or I make them put, 10 pictures of the most favorite things in their
42:58
world on their desktop on phone.
43:00
And I say, then I want you to go through that.
43:03
Yeah.
43:04
So so to your point, another thing that I've actually been thinking about having people do
43:11
and then and then take a picture up is draw a circle on a piece of paper like a mask and
43:15
write down all the things that are behind your mask, vulnerability, fear, joy, curiosity,
43:25
laughter, and and and then it, like, like, see how that mask or what what how the words or
43:32
intentions change over time.
43:37
Almost like you're taking off levels of the mask
43:40
Yes.
43:41
As every time.
43:41
Putting on other levels because we we all have masks on some level, you know, or different
43:47
roles that we play.
43:48
You're interviewing me here.
43:50
And then when your day is done, you're with your husband, and then And if tomorrow, you'll
43:55
have an appointment with a client, and we're always changing our roles.
44:00
They are forever changing.
44:02
Well, Eddie, this has been an amazing experience.
44:05
I just feel like I've known you for so long.
44:07
I feel the same way.
44:08
And there's an affinity.
44:09
This is an affinity.
44:11
And, you know, I'm I'm I'm very grateful that our paths have been you look crossed, you know,
44:18
in the way it has, and I feel like we should stay connected.
44:21
I would love.
44:22
Yeah.
44:22
I think, you know, things like this are awesome.
44:26
She is in New York.
44:27
I'm in Niagara Falls, Ontario.
44:28
I, you know
44:29
We've never met before.
44:31
We have this hard to hard connection.
44:34
And talking about the real stuff.
44:36
Right.
44:37
And I think, you know, we obviously, share similar spaces and affinities.
44:42
And I I hope that, you know, this this conversation shows you what's possible, as 2
44:49
strangers meet for the first time and we just share a commonality.
44:53
And our commonality is we have the same similar backgrounds.
44:58
What is your commonality when you reach out with someone how can you connect?
45:01
Because it doesn't matter what you're what you're sharing.
45:04
It's that you find that bond that allows you to be truly human with the other person on the
45:09
other side of that that camera that's staring back at you.
45:12
Now, Eddie, I would love people to know where they can reach you, what offerings you have,
45:18
and, you know, obviously, we're gonna have your website, but you can also tell them where your
45:22
website is so that they can connect with you if they're intrigued as much as I am to be able to
45:26
reach out and work with you.
45:28
Certainly.
45:29
So my website is edynathan.com.
45:32
And if you sign up for the newsletter and in the message part of that, that newsletter,
45:40
where you've given me the information, just say that you heard me on this show And I will send
45:47
you a free downloadable CD called the PowerView.
45:52
So just make sure that you mention the show and and who will then get get that.
45:56
And it's called the power of you.
45:59
I also, have a book.
46:01
It's grief, The Dance of Self Discovery through trauma and loss.
46:06
And, it's being sold on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
46:10
So, I I would love for you to, you know, look at the book and give me any feedback you have.
46:18
And let's start a conversation.
46:21
Thank you.
46:22
So what am I taking away?
46:25
I guess I'm taking away that, through this adversity, we can explore a part of ourselves
46:32
that allows us to connect, because we all have the capacity as human beings connect mammalian
46:39
we're meant to do it.
46:40
And even more so, there's a part of the psychic energy in the world that's that's forcing us to
46:48
look at what could we do and not forget the lessons that we're learning now because we're
46:52
gonna need to carry these things as a, a heightened learn into the new reality that
46:58
we're we're going into, whatever that's gonna look like.
47:01
My thoughts and prayers are with you, ED, and everything that, New York going through.
47:07
You
47:08
know, we
47:09
I will be in we you will be in our prayers as, as I'm sure everybody listening to the show and
47:14
as we all stay safe, across, you know, the US, Canada, and obviously, globally.
47:20
And for anyone that's needing any information, obviously, you know, I'm a mental health and
47:25
wellness expert and, you can reach me at roxannedurhodge.com.
47:30
Thanks so much again, Edie.
47:32
Thank you.
47:34
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
47:39
healthy change.
47:41
Roxanne is a keynote speaker psychotherapist and coach to work with Roxanne, visit
47:47
rocksandirhaj.com/blueprint.
47:51
We'll see you time, unauthentic living with Roxanne.