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Stop Waiting to Lose Weight Before You Start Living · Create The Best Me

• 0:00
  Have you ever skipped the photo, avoided the party, or told yourself, when I lose the weight, then I'll finally start living? Oh my goodness. I think so many of us have played that game. Today's guest, Anne Poirier, calls it the when I, then I game. And if you've ever waited for your body to look different before you allow yourself to be seen, this conversation is going to speak straight to your heart. Anne is a nationally recognized body image expert, certified intuitive eating counselor, and the
• 0:36
  author of The Body Joyful: My Journey from Self-Loathing to Self-Acceptance, which won a gold medal at the 2025 Global Book Awards.
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  author of The Body Joyful: Her work has been featured in the New York Times, Women's Health, Shape, and NPR. But what I love about Anne is that she isn't here to tell us we have to love every inch of our bodies every single day.
• 1:04
  author of The Body Joyful: Instead, she helps us understand how to stop tying our worth to— in our weight, our size, our age, or the changes that happen in midlife and beyond. In this conversation, we're talking about body shame, food guilt, and the labels we carry that inner critic who thinks she gets to run the show and how one simple shift in perspective can help you stop hiding and start living again. So if you've been waiting for your body to change before you let yourself step back into your life, stay with us because this episode is made just for you.
• 1:45
  author of The Body Joyful: Anne Poirier, welcome to Create the Best Me. This is an honor and a privilege to have you on the show. I am so happy to be here, Carmen. Thank you for having me here. Anne, before we get into today's exciting discussion that is a must-have conversation, could you please tell the listeners and viewers a little bit about who Anne is, what you do, and some little extra stuff? Sure. I am happy to share a little bit about me. My journey started really young. I was born To a 15-year-old. So I was adopted and I thank goodness every day. In the 1960s, that must have been very difficult for her to actually carry a baby. And so I was an adopted child and I was a little chubby like babies are. And so I had a few nicknames early on, chubby cheeks, right? And such a cute little chubby baby.
• 2:46
  author of The Body Joyful: built stocky and sturdy. And then as I got a little older and as a toddler, you know, I was described as a bull in a china shop.
• 2:53
  author of The Body Joyful: So, you know, all I could think about is a bull, like, you know, a big bull. And those words started to frame how I thought about myself. And so really what I do now is help people see themselves as they are without connecting their body with their worth. And so the work that I really do is trying to separate body size, shape, and weight with our worthiness as a human being, which unfortunately our society has put together. So that's the work that I do because I lived more than half of my life so far in a space where I did connect my worth to my weight. And so I was always feeling— not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not strong enough, not fit enough, not whatever enough. And so because of that journey, now I try to help other women mostly. I mostly work with women, but I do work with other people as well. Other, you know, people who describe themselves in different genders, and that is fine too. So, and I work with a lot of people on accepting themselves.
• 4:09
  author of The Body Joyful: So that's what I do now. A little side note about me is that I love walking the beach at sunrise so that I can see the awe of a new day and be grateful to the body that I have today as it continues to age, as we do, and step into, you know, the next chapter of my life as I keep going. And I think that's very interesting that you shared your story. I'm really sorry that you were labeled early in life and that became, you sort of adopted that as being your, who you are, these labels. I too, I have an older sister and a younger sister, and I was always told that I was not the most attractive one from both of them.
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  author of The Body Joyful: And so I decided my little fix to that was, I'll be the smart one. I'll just be the smart one.
• 5:13
  author of The Body Joyful: And because of that, I found that as I got older, there's not a lot of pictures of me. I chose not to be in front of a camera because I didn't see myself.
• 5:24
  author of The Body Joyful: as the pretty one. I'm the smart one. I'm the one that— I'm the bookworm. I'm the one that no one sees.
• 5:32
  author of The Body Joyful: They just see what I do. Hmm.
• 5:36
  author of The Body Joyful: And so I can relate to how you're— the way you grew up. And one of my biggest regrets because of that is that, I mean, I've learned to overcome it, but my biggest regrets is that there is not a lot of pictures. of me out there because I refused to be out there. At one point I was really, really skinny, bony skinny to where people would say, oh my goodness, you look like you came out of a concentration camp. And then once I hit menopause, totally different. And so I couldn't, it's just like I found myself not liking my body because people thought I was sick.
• 6:27
  author of The Body Joyful: But that was just my natural way of being. That's just the way I was.
• 6:30
  author of The Body Joyful: And then menopause hit me. And then because I changed from being bony to being bigger. Mm-hmm.
• 6:42
  author of The Body Joyful: And one day it hit me and I thought, This is what you have to work with. Yeah. Do you choose to live in the shadows and miss out on everything, or do you want to live in the moment? And I decided to live in that moment, that it's not fair to the people that love me that I have chosen to live in the shadow. And I've heard a lot of people say that once women reach midlife, that they Don't care. They stop caring. And I don't believe that that is true.
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  author of The Body Joyful: And that's why I invited you onto the show is because I know that there are other women out there that have shared that same struggle that I've had, because I've overcome it to where I don't want to be in the photo. I don't want to be in the video. I don't want to go to the party or the thing because people are going to see— My body. They're not going to see me. You know, that was the way I thought.
• 7:42
  author of The Body Joyful: And I believe that there are women out there that have that same struggle once they reach menopause because their bodies change. And so I want you to help us help, help give me answers so that we can help them. Yeah. You know, our thoughts and how we think about ourselves and how we perceive ourselves usually come from these seeds that were planted early on in our lives. We internalize them and then they become us. This is who I am and this is how I'm supposed to show up. But if our bodies are not what we think they're supposed to be, then we go searching for ways to try to change them, to make them the way they're supposed to be. And that's when we get into exactly what you're saying. Well, when I lose the weight, then I'll go to that. party, or when I can fit into that dress, then I'll say yes to that person, right? It's more of this— I call it the when I, then I game.
• 8:42
  author of The Body Joyful: When I look better, then I'll do these things.
• 8:45
  author of The Body Joyful: But unfortunately, what happens is we miss out on a lot of experiences of our life. I know for me that that was true for many, many years. And I also realized I have 2 daughters, I also realized I wasn't the greatest role model around how you feel in your body, around self-confidence, around self-talk, around body image, around exercise and food, all of those things. And it really wasn't until my body just started to break down and I couldn't do the things that I had lived my life doing that I was able to pause long enough to say, hey, wait a minute.
• 9:23
  author of The Body Joyful: I do deserve to step into my life as I go forward. And enough's enough.
• 9:31
  author of The Body Joyful: Like, how do I help myself move forward here? And that my body is my body and it allows me to do everything that I do every single day. It gets me up in the morning. It allows me to walk on the beach if I'd like to see a sunrise. I can coach and talk to people. I can hug my kids. I can get down on the floor, I can get back up. Like all of those things, the little things in life, that's really what this is all about. And if we're always worried about how we look and how we assume other people are thinking about how we look or how we feel about ourselves, then that just keeps us stuck.
• 10:10
  author of The Body Joyful: So it is stepping forward and thinking about ourselves differently and beginning to be appreciative. We don't have to love our body, but how do we be appreciative and grateful for this body that shows up for us every single day?
• 10:26
  author of The Body Joyful: And how do you get women to accept that it's okay not to look like somebody who stepped out of Baywatch?
• 10:39
  author of The Body Joyful: It's around us 24/7, right? That's all we see.
• 10:43
  author of The Body Joyful: And we don't even know what's real anymore. So the things that we take in, we don't know if it's real or not.
• 10:52
  author of The Body Joyful: And regardless whether it is or not, it is an assumption that we have that we have to look a certain way in order to be accepted by others. But I do a really great exercise with the people that I work with around this separation of worth and weight. Because when I ask them, you know, when you think about some of your good friends, what is it you like about them? And then they list all these different types of, you know, personality traits or ways that they show up or listening, how they listen to them, their sense of humor, all those things. And so when I ask, does any of that have to do with the size of their body?
• 11:33
  author of The Body Joyful: They say no. And then I flip the same question onto thinking about who in their life loves to be around you and hang around you and enjoy spending time with you.
• 11:46
  author of The Body Joyful: And what is it that you bring to the table when this hap— like, why do they like you? And sometimes people don't know. They're like, ooh, I'm not sure. And I ask them, I say, just go ahead and text them and ask them what they like about you.
• 12:01
  author of The Body Joyful: I'm sure they're gonna be very happy to tell you. Right?
• 12:05
  author of The Body Joyful: And they do, and that's what happens, and it's beautiful.
• 12:09
  author of The Body Joyful: And then I say, does any of that have to do with the size of their body? And usually the answer is no, you know, 99% of the time. I have a very tall friend, and so she can reach things for me that I can't reach. That would be the one thing that might be about her body that's different. But, you know, when we think about it, it's really about who we are as a human being has nothing to do with this vessel that we live in. And that's where we start this work, is trying to separate who you are, your unique talents, gifts, and personality with the package that you come in, your body.
• 12:55
  author of The Body Joyful: I think that's really good because a lot of times they always say, and it's true, we are so much harder on ourselves. We see the things that nobody notices.
• 13:06
  author of The Body Joyful: But when we look at other people, we look at, oh, this person is so smart. They're so resourceful.
• 13:16
  author of The Body Joyful: They can decorate. They can put their house together or all these other things that have nothing to do with The body.
• 13:25
  author of The Body Joyful: I mean, what the mind, you know, if they're smart, the mind, but nothing aesthetics.
• 13:33
  author of The Body Joyful: That's the interesting thing. And it's only when we stop long enough to think about that and pull those 2 things apart.
• 13:41
  author of The Body Joyful: And you mentioned something really important too, Carmen, and that's the way we talk to ourselves and the assumptions that we make, right? There's this I think it was an old philosopher had this saying, and I thought it was really interesting. And we use— if you're not— if you're just listening to this, just— I'm going to slow it down to listen because I'm going to use my hands a little bit because I think it's easier to kind of connect with. And the saying is
• 14:06
  this: I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think you think I am. And isn't that the truth? That is a good point. We're always assuming that we are what everybody else thinks, and yet it's coming from our own head. So it's really our own, the way we think about our bodies that we project onto other people. They must think that about me because I think that about me. And so we do the same thing with other people too. We think we see something completely different than what they're thinking about themselves. Isn't that interesting how that's the way our society works? And I have a 13-year-old daughter that's my youngest, and sometimes she'll come in and she'll point out things about herself, things that she sees, imperfections that she thinks are imperfections.
• 15:05
  this: And I tell her, I'm like, people don't see what you're seeing. No one is seeing what you're saying. Don't talk to yourself that way because if you continue to talk to yourself that way, it will become your truth.
• 15:20
  this: Right, right. The way we talk to ourself, like the self-fulfilling prophecy, right? And it is, you know, a lot of the work that I do is around our self-talk because that inner critic shows up early. And then it just gets louder and louder and invites more and more friends. I think about, you know, our— we have this neighborhood living in our heads with all of these people, and they just can get more and more mean and nasty and critical and judgmental, you know, and then we're comparing and criticizing. And all of a sudden, that's impacting how we feel about ourself, our self-worth, our self-esteem. Which then impacts our behavior and the things we do, the things we say yes to, the things we say no to, you know, our thoughts and our feelings around food and eating, as well as exercise or movement. You know, that's all connected to how we feel about our body. You know, our perception of who we are is just as important to understand and learn As any other type of health behavior that we want to step into, because how we feel about ourselves is going to impact any of that. And that's kind of like the foundational work. How do we start to hear ourselves and then be curious and begin to change the inner dialogue to move us into a different direction?
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  this: Have you ever worked with someone who perhaps their parents always talked them up, always saw good things in them, and always instead of saying chubby, my little muffin or whatever, they always spoke well about that person, encouraged them, but yet when that person reached the point to where they're an adult, they started to speak negative to themselves and then they're trapped in this bubble of not being good enough or being displeased with the exterior part of themselves. Yeah. You know, the exterior piece is what— there's such a highlight on that right now. And with social media and the way media is, it's everywhere.
• 17:47
  this: And it makes it really difficult to discern what's real and what's not real. And this is where sometimes I talk about curating our own social media feeds and curating the things that we see and that we look at and that we take in. Because if I spend most of my time looking at people who look different than me, of course I'm not gonna feel good about myself.
• 18:10
  this: So how do we start to— help ourselves by filling ourselves with things that are impactful to who we are. And this is where it's understanding how that inner dialogue is actually impacting the way you're showing up in your life. And so if that inner dialogue is keeping you home, or is it keeping you not speaking up at work or not showing up for reunions or, you know, those once-in-a-lifetime weddings or even funerals, just like saying, I'm not gonna go because I don't want people to see me, then you miss out on some of the most special periods of time in our life. And that's when we look back and go, I wish I had, you know, why didn't I? And like, then we get spiraled into some regret thinking. And then that's not helpful either because that just increases the negative self-talk and then keeps us further and further stuck. And so if you notice that you're beating yourself up more than you'd like to, or if you're stuck in those, then it's neuroplasticity, right? So our brain creates neural pathways. And if Some of those phrases are continuing to be repeated, they are keeping you stuck. Doesn't matter anybody. It doesn't matter anyway. Might as well just go eat the cake cuz it doesn't matter, right?
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  this: Doesn't matter anyway. Exercise, I don't, I only have 10 minutes, so it doesn't matter. I can't do what I need to do. Like we, we just start to not even take care of ourselves anymore.
• 19:57
  this: And that's kind of how— Our self-talk impacts our behavior and the things that we do.
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  this: I think that sometimes there's that fine line between, is this an eating disorder or am I making this decision because I know that, let's say eating that cake, if I eat this cake, I'm never going to be able to look the way I want to look.
• 20:30
  this: So how does someone differentiate between it's an eating disorder versus that guilt of, I can't do this, I'm going to miss out on this because I've been busting my tail working out and nothing's happening?
• 20:50
  this: Yeah, it all has to do with kind of what is the relationship with food? Because our relationship with food, that starts early too, right? You know, so if you grew up in a household where there were food rules around what some people could eat and other people couldn't, like I did, my brother could eat certain foods and I couldn't. I had to have different foods, right? Because of my body. So there were food rules in the house. Or did you grow up in a household where there was a little food scarcity? So you needed to get, I need to get the food because it's gonna go away. Or was it a finish your plate because there were starving children in Africa, right? Like all the different sayings that a lot of us heard early on, the relationship with food gets muddied. And so food becomes reward because if you do finish your plate, you can get dessert. And food becomes punishment because if you don't finish your plate, you don't get dessert.
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  this: And food becomes comfort because if you skin your knee, oh, here, have a cookie, it'll make you feel better, right? So this relationship gets all muddied. And then if we now connect it with feeling bad about our bodies and what we know of as a $90 billion a year diet industry, right? That if I feel bad in my body, well, the number one thing for me to do is diet, which means then I can't eat any of these foods because we've created a great morality around food. These are good foods and these are bad foods. And so if you eat a food that is quote unquote bad, then there's shame and guilt that follows. And then I am not taking care of my body. And then I'm a failure anyway. And then the negative spirals, the negative self-talk. And so when it comes to food and eating, there is, you know, an eating disorder is when the mind is trapped in particular thoughts around food, whereas the rules get stricter and stricter, whether it's anorexia nervosa where there's restriction and the rules get Get stricter and stricter around restriction. Bulimia, where it's the all-or-nothing thinking, in or out. Binge eating disorder, eating food because I don't like the way I feel and I can't feel this way and this makes me feel better. So there's lots of different ways that an eating disorder can show up.
• 23:29
  this: But for many people, it's just the relationship with food that's gotten muddied.
• 23:37
  this: And so how do we become a little bit better with actually listening to our own bodies? What does it feel like when I'm hungry? How do these foods feel in my body after I eat them? What does it feel like when I'm getting full? Am I eating because I'm bored or am I eating because I'm hungry? Am I eating because I'm angry because work was really stressful, or am I eating because it's dinner time? It's kind of creating a little bit more understanding around our own bodies and food. I don't know if I answered your question, but— No, you did because some of us, we will eat because it's a way of soothing ourselves. And some of us may choose not to eat because I'm going to get fat. I don't want to be fat.
• 24:38
  this: And maybe your BMI says you're exactly where you need to be at, but you have this story that you've told yourself that I'm fat. Mm-hmm. I can't fit into a particular size. That isn't a healthy size for you. And that's where we do get into trouble, right? Because I think of the way we're supposed to look or supposed to be.
• 25:04
  this: And in today's day and age too, with— we have these new GLP-1 medications that are out there and really trying to understand what's best for me.
• 25:17
  this: What is— how can I have the most energy? be able to do the things I wanna be able to do in my body, be able to enjoy food, right? And also respect my body. What does that look like? But unfortunately, we have so much noise on the outside putting pressure on us to be a certain way and that these foods are bad and these foods are good and that you're supposed to look like this. And if you eat that, then you should move in the direction you wanna You wanna move, but if you eat that, then you won't. And then because of, I think a lot of people, especially the people that I work with, have tried hundreds of diets, right? They have lost weight and they've gained weight back and they've gone back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And then we have all this proof that it doesn't even work anyway. And yet we continue to keep trying to fit into a body that might not be right for us in the first place.
• 26:26
  this: Do you find that as, because like I said, that was something that I found for myself is that as I got older, my hormones shifted. And as my hormones shifted, my My body responded to food differently. And so maybe I decide to have a cheat day and I'm like, oh, that's okay. You know what? I'll just work out a little harder for 2 weeks. So let's say hypothetically, I do work a little harder for 2 weeks and nothing happens because biology has changed in here. And so things aren't working.
• 27:07
  this: And have you found that there are people like that and maybe at that point they start to develop an eating disorder because they're trying to control something that is uncontrollable because the biology has shifted? Yes.
• 27:21
  this: And I think that that's a really common thing that happens for people. My body is shifting, Here, let me do this to help me get back to where I was. And then that doesn't work because there's physiology that's different. There's a drop in estrogen, there's a drop in progesterone, there's an increase in insulin, an increase in cortisol.
• 27:46
  this: Like our body begins to fight weight release.
• 27:50
  this: And so our body is trying to tell us this is what we need, and yet we continue to try to fight it. And one of the things that I'll highlight that you said is that we are trying to control something that's not controllable. We cannot control the number on the scale. And yet that expectation of what worked 20 years ago, it's supposed to work now. And then it doesn't.
• 28:17
  this: Then we are— We're left disappointed, which really ends up being a trap to move us into either throwing up our hands and saying, doesn't matter anyway, right? And moving into behavior that's not necessarily supportive, or trying to double down and do things harder with still no response, making us just feel like a failure over and over and over again.
• 28:46
  this: And so all we can do is really just try to tune in and listen to what our body actually needs. You know, I think about— I do a lot of this separation and I call it divorcing.
• 29:00
  this: You know, we've got to pull these things apart, right?
• 29:04
  this: You know, divorcing exercise and movement with body and size and shape. It's really exercise and movement is for independence, for quality of life, for stress reduction, for mood regulation, for being able to bend down and pick something up off the floor, or I have grandchildren now, so get down on the floor and play with my grandkids. That's why I exercise. It's not for a specific size of pants. And so when you switch the way we're— why we're eating, why we're moving for reasons that are beyond size and shape, it really makes a big difference. I eat because I want energy.
• 29:50
  this: I eat so that I have the fuel to do the things that I want to do. And I eat so that I don't feel sick, right? And that I'm able to do what I want to be able to do.
• 30:01
  this: So it's just a little bit of separation of what we've been told and what has developed as an internal dialogue for ourselves around bodies. That's why this work is, number one, I'm so passionate about the work, but also it's not easy because it takes time to move past some of these ingrained belief systems that we've been given.
• 30:29
  this: And this is something that I talk a lot about is that I think a lot of people tend to overlook is that Sometimes that stress that you are creating because you're trying to control the uncontrollable raises your cortisol.
• 30:46
  this: Now your body's saying, we got to protect, we got to protect the body. So when the body says, we need to protect the body, it holds onto fat. And so you cannot do or achieve what you're trying to achieve In a healthy way because your cortisol is way too high because you're fighting. You're fighting something you cannot control. So do you tell the people that you're working with that this added self-talk that is creating extra stress to their mind, to their body, is actually one of the biggest root cause of Why they can't achieve what they're trying to achieve? That's a great point. And I quote Brené Brown here, when Brené Brown talks about how when we are critical of self, we are both the bully and the bullied, right? And if you're to think about anyone being bullied, and if you look at any of that research, Right? That does increase stress, isolation.
• 32:01
  this: There's more shame and pulling away and worry and consistent comparison and criticism in the brain. And then bullying.
• 32:16
  this: You know, I have a real passion around that, you know, and that is why one of the books that I've written is for 8 to 12-year-olds for bullying and body shaming and weight stigma because I just, you know, think about that inner critic. And then now we are— it is a controllable stressor. We have enough uncontrollable stressors in our world, don't we?
• 32:43
  this: So when we think about all the things that are already there that we can't control that are stressing us out, and then we're adding to that with our own negative critical self-talk, that sets up a storm in the body, always in fight, flight, freeze, fawn response. And as to your point, which just tells the body, wait, wait, wait, I don't know if we're safe. We better hold onto this weight so that we can survive whatever's coming because something bad's gonna happen and we wanna be able to— Get away if we need to get away or do whatever we need to do. And so that critical self-talk is one of the ways that we can actually lower our stress level if we can start to become aware of it and start to shift it, because we already have other stressors in our world that we can learn some new tools to help ourselves lower our stress on a daily basis. Because if we want to do anything moving forward in our lives, right, we need to be able to lower our stress levels and be more mindful and present in order to be able to do those kinds of things. In your book, The Body Joyful, if somebody were to pick it up, what can they expect to learn through reading your book?
• 34:13
  this: They will learn about some of the seeds of belief that we get, that we build for ourselves.
• 34:22
  this: You know, I used a gardening theme throughout this book.
• 34:26
  this: And we plant seeds, you know, in my early youth, the seeds that were planted were stupid, fat and clumsy. Messy was in there too.
• 34:38
  this: But these seeds of belief that increased my negative self-talk, which then rooted these neural pathways in my brain of self-criticism, judgment, comparison consistently, that over my life I chose decisions, I made choices and decisions that weren't the helpful most helpful for myself. I did have an eating disorder as a teen, and then I also relapsed in my 20s and I relapsed in my 40s.
• 35:12
  this: No big surprise because I never was able to weed some of the seeds of belief that I had really grown to feel like they were who I was. And so when people read or listen to my book, What they hear is stories that they may have lived themselves and knowing that you're not alone. And then where I ended up just finding this place in my own story where I'd had enough, I was just tired. My body was broken down.
• 35:51
  this: I couldn't fix it to make myself do the things I thought I needed to do. And that's where I went back to school and I learned a lot more about eating and food and stress and sleep and all of the impacts all of those things have on our bodies. And then around self-talk and then movement and seeing movement from a different way. So I just, I tried to heal myself and in healing myself, I started to learn that I wasn't alone.
• 36:24
  this: And then I shifted to just continuing my own education journey so that I could help others not live, you know, 50 years of their life in a space hating themselves. You know, my goal now is to help people feel better in their bodies.
• 36:45
  this: Regardless of size or shape, so that they aren't missing out on the things, you know, that life has to offer us and not being stuck in their inner critic and their negative self-talk and beating themselves up 95% of the time.
• 37:03
  this: You know, I always think about the brain space, how much brain space is being taken up with calculating and counting and thinking and, you know, and judging and criticizing and comparing and all this stuff, you know. And I know that most of my brain space was taken up there for way too long.
• 37:22
  this: And that's, that's the goal now is how do we create role models for our next generations that feel, feel good in their bodies regardless of their size and shape? And how do we respect this body that we're given? And not try to make it a size that it doesn't necessarily belong.
• 37:45
  this: Did you discover, because I know you said that you relapsed 3 times, sorry, 3 times. Did you discover that there was a problem that you had that you needed to fix, or what was it that woke up inside of you? Was it someone saying, You got a problem? Or was it you recognizing, I have a problem and it's been kind of following me around all my life? You know, it's a really great question and I think it's a little bit of both. So my first eating disorder was my own thoughts that dug me a hole. And then my mom saved me enough to get me well enough to go back to school.
• 38:31
  this: I credit her for saving my life. And then, but during the time that I had an eating disorder as a young teen, eating disorders weren't out there, right? And so I had a therapist, I ended up in the hospital. The help that I got was general help. It wasn't eating disorder help, but I got well enough to get out. I relapsed in college when a soccer coach— I was playing soccer— weighed us in front of the team. We were in front of the team and she made a comment to me that spiraled me back into eating disorder behavior. And it was really when I lost my starting position and I was getting bumped around and I got banged, you know, like I couldn't do what I wanted to do, that kind of flipped that switch. And then the next time was going through a divorce. And so if you notice, there's a triggering event, right, that made me not feel good about myself, that spiraled me into behavior.
• 39:36
  this: The last time I had, I also had a supervisor at work who was extremely caring and she wrote me a letter. Letting me know that, you know, this is— we have to look at this because this is— there's— you're spiraling.
• 39:59
  this: And so because of that, it stopped me long enough to say, you know what, I need to figure this out for myself. And so it was a combination of all of those things. But the interesting thing is a triggering event Just a word or a phrase from someone can spiral you into behaviors or low feelings of low self-esteem, or that negative self-talk comes flying back in. And it's up to us to realize that we can take a couple of deep breaths and go, that's not who I am.
• 40:32
  this: My thoughts are not me. I can choose a different thought.
• 40:37
  this: I don't wanna take that in as being true.
• 40:41
  this: And how do we help ourselves shift and be curious about our thoughts? And I use this term, our thoughts are choiceable. Like we can choose something different. That's not gonna be very helpful for me to continue to beat myself up around this or to tell myself I have to do this, this, and this because of What, some old rules that were— I placed on myself when I was 12 years old. So, you know, it's that questioning and being willing to question and to be willing to take a couple deep breaths and pause and bring ourselves back into our, you know, our parasympathetic nervous system so we can make a different choice or decision, you know, stepping us out of that stress zone.
• 41:32
  this: And I want to express here, because I have a son who deals with challenging his negative self-talk, it's not easy.
• 41:41
  this: It's not easy because he will call me and he'll say, Mom, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll say, Son, that is not you.
• 41:48
  this: Take a breath. I need you to stop what you are doing right now.
• 41:53
  this: And I need you to take a breath. And I need you to— I always tell him, Take an outer body experience. Look at you like I look at you. Step right here next to me. We're on the phone, but I was telling him, step here with me. I want you to look at that handsome young man. That is not you.
• 42:11
  this: What you are telling me is not you. Can you see that?
• 42:15
  this: Take a breath. And it is not easy. I don't want people to think, oh, here's Anne. She said that she was able to figure this out. She takes a breath. Regulates her sympathetic nervous system, knows her truth, and then moves on. It's a practice, isn't it?
• 42:35
  this: Oh my gosh, it is. It is. It is. Because those thoughts are automatic. I always say you can't control the one that flies in. You know, there's one that flies in, oh, you're so stupid, whatever it might be, right? It's the second and the third and the fourth. I think about it as a Is the first one flies in, they jump on this train to drive the train and then invites all their friends and all the friends come in. And so now you've got this trainload of people telling you, you know, how stupid you are and it's driving around in your brain. It's as soon as you notice that there are so many to pause and just take that deep breath. I know it sounds silly and like it's not going to work, but But it's one of those things that is always with you. No one ever knows that you're doing it. You can do it at any time and it can help at least slow the train down. But I, you know, to this day, a negative voice comes in and it's just a continued practice to take deep breaths and go, is that gonna— I always, I have a snarky remark to my inner critic now.
• 43:44
  this: And so whenever she comes in, it is a she, whenever she comes in, I just say, thanks for sharing.
• 43:53
  this: And then I'll, you know, 'cause I validate it, you know, I know'cause she was helpful in different periods of time, probably in my life, right? So I thank her and I take a deep breath and I try to, you know, even if it's something neutral, even if I'm just being curious or factual, You know, I was— wow, I was rushing really fast. I had a lot of things on my mind. It's no wonder that, you know, I didn't see the mug and it fell on the floor, right? Like, here's the facts.
• 44:23
  this: I'm not, you know, stupid just because of that.
• 44:27
  this: It's— I have to kind of gather myself and shift the brain, you know? And a lot of times when it comes to bodies, And looking in the mirror, that's where that negative critic comes up.
• 44:43
  this: And so a lot of the work that we do is around, you know, before we even step in front of a mirror, we do a lot of work around self-talk. And then looking in the mirror, we know that the brain always goes to the places we hate. So how do we stop and pause long enough to Think about something different.
• 45:07
  this: You are, you know what? You helped that person today have that conversation when you listened and you gave them a hug. That was really great.
• 45:15
  this: Thank you for your arms to be able to give that person a hug.
• 45:19
  this: Like, it is a— it's a conscious effort and it can be so helpful to just slow ourselves down a little bit. And realize how automatic some of those negative thoughts are.
• 45:36
  this: And then also saying, well, it's no wonder that I'm saying that. I've been saying that for 60 years now. Of course I'm— of course, like, why wouldn't I say that? Every time you've broken something in the past, that's what you've said. Or every time you've put on a pair of pants that feel like that, you've said that. Take a deep breath.
• 45:58
  this: Thanks for sharing. Let's think about something different. How can we think about something different? What's something about my body that I could be grateful for right now? And that one little twist can change everything.
• 46:15
  this: Yeah. And I like myself, my biggest thing that always bugs me is my hips. And I'm like, no. One day I told myself, I said, these hips birthed 3 children and I love them more than anything in this world. I am so grateful that these hips, that I have these hips because without these hips, I wouldn't have those beautiful children. Right.
• 46:42
  this: That is a perfect example of looking at a body part for what it does. Yeah. This stomach is a beautiful pillow for my dog's head, right?
• 46:55
  this: These arms give the best hugs ever. These thighs carry me from here to over there.
• 47:03
  this: They allow me to take myself to the doctor.
• 47:08
  this: Yeah. You know, these cheeks allow me to smile big, right? Or what, you know, so Whatever the body part is that tends to capture your attention, how can you see it from a different perspective?
• 47:29
  this: There's a line in my book that says, we are in the prison of our own perspective and the door is wide open, right? How do we just step out of this prison that we've kind of locked ourselves into and shift the perspective. As soon as we do that, things change.
• 47:51
  this: It's the old Wayne Dyer quote, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change, right?
• 48:01
  this: Anne, for the woman who is listening or watching right now, who has been that prisoner, give me 3 pieces of advice that you would give her right now to help her step out of that prison and see the beauty that she has in her hands, in everything, the powerful beauty that's in front of her.
• 48:24
  this: Number one, you have gotten through every difficult moment that you've ever had in your life up until now in the body that you have right now. And so this body right now has taken you through every difficult time that you've ever had.
• 48:39
  this: So how do you pause and think for a moment to be grateful for this body that's been carrying you, this vessel, this vehicle that has brought you through your life? Gratitude for the body is one of those things that can be a quick switch For that inner critic. And then 2, your worth as a human being is not connected to your weight, the number on the scale, or the size of your pants. Ask any of your friends why they like you and they will tell you in lots of different ways. Outside of your body. And then I think the last thing is that your thoughts are choicable.
• 49:34
  this: Like to take that deep breath and to realize that your thoughts are not you. It's no wonder that you have them. You've had them for a long time. And are they supporting you or are they sabotaging you or are they keeping you stuck in stress? Are you being the bully and the bullied? And how might you start to think about those thoughts a little differently?
• 50:00
  this: What would you say to a good friend who was going through that or was saying that to themselves, right? How might you shift that inner dialogue to be either curious, neutral, and fact-based, or more compassionate?
• 50:17
  this: So those are gratitude, that separation of worth and weight, and developing a kinder, more supportive, curious— I use the word curious a lot because it sometimes is a bridge to compassion. It's less harsh as the critical. It's not quite compassion, but the curious voice can be helpful. And I have this picture that pops up in my head of Curious George the monkey. And just be curious about that self-talk and say that, you know, that's probably not helping right now. What's happening right now?
• 50:55
  this: What's going on right now in front of me? What's going— how can I help myself? So I hope that your listeners can think about trying one of those things for themselves. I hope so too. And where can people learn more about you and even work with you? Sure. Well, I have a free gift for your audience. It is a— I know— it's called Body Confidence Unlocked, and it is an ebook on how to feel at home in your body regardless of size, shape, or age.
• 51:31
  this: So that's a free gift, and I will send the link along to you, Carmen, so you can post it in the show notes for your for your audience.
• 51:39
  this: And you can find me— I just give my Linktree out. So Linktree, Anne Poirier 11, because 11 is my lucky number. It's the angel number. So you can find all my books on Linktree, Anne Poirier 11.
• 51:55
  this: And you can get that guide there too if you don't click on the link.
• 51:58
  this: So you can find everything about me there and a free session to talk with me as well. Sounds great. Anne, thank you so much for sharing your story, your wisdom, your free gift. I didn't know that was coming. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you, Carmen, for having me here and, um, continuing to teach your listeners how to create their best life.
• 52:21
  this: Thank you. What a beautiful reminder from Anne that you don't have to keep living inside the prison of your own perspective. Especially when the door has been open all along. I hope today's conversation helped you see your body a little differently. Maybe not with instant love or perfect confidence, but with more gratitude, more curiosity, and maybe a little more compassion.
• 52:48
  this: Because your body has carried you through every hard moment you've survived. Your worth has never been tied to A number on the scale, the size of your pants, or whether your body looked the way it did 10, 20, 30 years ago. And I love Anne's
• 53:07
  3 reminders: your body has gotten you through so much, your weight does not define your worth, and your thoughts are choiceable. That means the inner critic doesn't get the final say. Anne also has a special gift for you, her ebook, The Body Confidence Unlock, which is all about helping you feel more at home in your body regardless of your shape, size, or age.
• 53:37
  3 reminders: If you'd like to learn more about Anne Poirier, connect with her, or grab your special gift, head on over to createthebestme.com/ep179, or click the link down below in the show notes. And make sure to come back next week for another amazing episode created just for you. Until then, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself, and remember, you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself. Thank you for watching.
• 54:13
  3 reminders: Catch you next week. Bye for now. Bye.