Latest / The Inner Well Podcast / Sacred Boundaries & The Unshakeable Self
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- The Inner Well Podcast: We all contain a space within that when enlivened and nourished will support us with unwavering stability, expansion, and peace of mind. Join us each week as we dive into honest, grounded conversations about transcendental meditation, consciousness, and growth, and what it means to live an integrated life supported by a foundation of creativity and calm. This is the inner world. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Inner Well podcast. So happy to be with you. Today I'm speaking with Heather Evans. Heather is a certified professional coach and a 50 plus year practitioner of the Transcendental Meditation Technique. She's the author of the Success Mindset: 12 Strategies to Unlock Your Full Potential for Life and Leadership, a new book to help executives, entrepreneurs, and other leaders live and lead from strength and wisdom. Heather began her career as a reporter, was an award-winning communications consultant, including Washington PR Woman of the Year, and is now the CEO of the Los Angeles-based executive coaching firm Pivot Inc. She's a member of Harvard's Institute of Coaching, a speaker and workshop leader on human development, habit change, and adaptive leadership, and a guest lecturer at leading academic institutions. Heather, welcome to the Interwell Podcast. Thank you. It's a total pleasure to be here. Wonderful. Well, I I'm so happy to be having this conversation. You and I know each other. You're always so wonderful. And you have such a really remarkable career. I love that you've built this career up and sort of brought all of these elements of communication, psychology, and consciousness together. So before we dive into your work, I'd love to have a conversation about the work you do. But I'd also like to start at the beginning because you grew up in a family of meditators. And I'd love to know what was that like learning transcendental meditation as a kid and growing up with a family who meditated. I know it's a funny story. It's it's unique. There aren't many people who have this bizarre kind of ⁓ childhood, really. ⁓ and so many gifts included in all of that, but it was really different. So my parents traveled with Maharishi Mahasyogi for the first about five. ish years of my life. So it was really early childhood. And because of it, I learned really early. There's a, there's a kids technique that you can get. And I got that at age three, which is super early, and was just surrounded mostly by adults, honestly, not very many children, just because of the nature of all of that. So I started at three, I got my sit-down technique, was which was like the grown-up version at age 10. It was very excited to feel like I was like in the crowd. and then yeah, just have been always around the knowledge of This particular mind training, if you will, and and value that it brings. And I have to say, I went through a rebellious teen phase too. My teens and my twenties. I was like, you know what? This is my parents' technique and this I'm doing my own thing and I don't know about this. Totally. I had the exact same story, Heather. I was like, no, what is this? My parents' old meditation thing. So I'm right there with you. Right. It's so funny. It's a great part of the story. Yes. ⁓ and I used to feel bad about it, but now I totally embrace it because I just love, you know, we all come around to knowledge, whatever it might be, and different ways of being on our own at just the right time. And so bringing it back to when I just rediscovered it all for myself and how I integrate it in my life now, it's like it's my own. It's not my parents. Yes. It came when I fully came back around to it. It was because I wanted it. And that makes all the difference. All the difference. I'm curious, you know, because I too, I had this experience of learning as a kid and it's really unique and we recognize out there in the world. When I kind of came back to TM, it was so I was so amazed at how effective it was. And I'm curious, what did you notice when you came back to the technique? When you started meditating again and you started being regular in your meditation, what was the thing for you that kind of sold you on it? Yeah. I mean, I think for me it was greater clarity of mind. It was really about feeling more focused, more energized than I was before. So there's that that element of feeling just better rested. I'm just I'm more focused and energized when I've had more rest. And then the more regular and the longer I went on with it, it was really more about finer levels of like not being as reactive. For example, being able just feeling like I had more dominion over my own mind and my own behavior and my own thought system. It just suddenly I got a little bit more gap between something happens and then I just like react and have all these thoughts and emotions about it. There was just more space to make better choices, to see how am I showing up in this situation? Is this really what I want? And so that was a ⁓ Personal experience that really for me solidified the value. Because I think over and over, I felt like life was happening to me. And the more regular I became and the more dominion I felt like I had, like life started happening for me. There was a real shift in that. And then I just, you know, it's like a whole different mindset happened. And It changed so much. Like when someone asks that question, I know that you can relate, it's like, it's every aspect of my life. There's nothing it doesn't touch and improve. But that's because I'm better. When I'm better, every aspect of life is better. So I feel like a better parent, a better businesswoman, a you know, a better friend. ⁓ you know, and it's a process though, right? It's just like working out. I have to be regular. I have to keep making sure that I show up and and Do the things that I need to do to keep myself healthy and feeling good. Yeah. So beautiful. I completely relate to that. And you know, you said something in there that really just struck me at this moment, which is I think an experience that a lot of people can feel where it's like life is just happening to us. Like we're just kind of Caught in the waves. We're just sort of all going along. And, you know, I think so many of us can have these moments where we look up and we think, What am I doing? And this experience of that shift of suddenly we are present in our life. We are the driving force. But it's it's a it's all almost about a flow state where suddenly we're just in sync with things. And we feel we recognize that we have this agency or dominion, I love that word that you used, over our lives. That's such a gift. Yeah. Like, I mean, it just changes your day-to-day experience of yourself and everything. And I think this is, you know, I heard growing up, you know, this kind of unshakable self, this state where you can be in, where you're really in a state of neutrality about things. You're not reactive and you're very, you know, you're you are in a flow state and more in cooperation with life and events in your life. And I didn't really have that personal experience until, you know, probably my started to really kind of recognize this whole concept of what I call personal leadership. And that is that claiming dominion of your own mind. It's standing up in your consciousness and starting to be a lot more intentional about, you know, what's happening and what do I really want? And Some of that is just the age stage of human development and what we start to do naturally at these different decades of our lives. But I think too, it's also has to do with a lot of self-care. And I see TM as a part of self-care. ⁓ and it's a whole picture of self-care. There's nutrition and exercise, and it's a whole it's it's a whole system. ⁓ but it really did start to shift everything for me. into a whole level of more intentionality, conscious yeah, you know whole You know, you've had a lot of success in your career and as a coach, executive coach, and you know, you've worked with people across industries. And, you know, I I think that of course you and what you bring to that role is critical. I'm really curious, you know, I I know you've you have sort of a background in, you know, blending neurobiology, psychology, the science of consciousness, which is Probably unusual in a lot of cases, but how do you bring all of those elements into your practice, into a session with a client? Do you do you use all of them in every session? Well, the cool thing about coaching and the absolute joy of working with someone in a coaching session is that it's very much client-driven. So it really depends on what direction the ⁓ Person I'm working with wants to take things. And then naturally what tends to happen is it just opens up. You know, what that coaching conversation will open up and take us on a journey. And ⁓ and so I'll pull from different things as the lively conversation is happening, but it always comes down to mindset. So, you know, hence the book, but also that's just what I notice for myself, my perception. The quality of my consciousness, right? How I'm feeling, how rested I am, how alert I am, how aware I am, changes everything. So, and in a sense, it's mindset. And I talk about this in my book. When I say mind, I actually don't mean we immediately, especially Western culture, will go right to brain, but mind, the etymology of the word itself, it used to be game, and it actually meant. ⁓ you're meant that which thinks, wills, and feels. So we made it mean my brain. And we separated out your heart and your gut instincts. But it's mind is meant to be whole. It's meant to be the entire system. And we know just in science, we know that the there's a tiny cat brain. There are enough neurons in your gut to make up a tiny cat brain. I mean, that's right. There are 40,000 neurons in your heart. So our entire neural system, we are wired for integrating and creating coherence between mind, heart, and gut so that we can be more present and more fully ourselves. So when I say mind and mindset shift, that's what I mean. I mean the whole system. And when you get that functioning in a more Coherent way, a more integrated way, and a more conscious way, your life gets better, every aspect of it. So a lot of that is what comes out in those in those sessions. I love that. And that description of mind, that's so beautiful. I think, you know, that idea, yes, absolutely. We think of it as the brain, and the brain is disconnected from the body, right? And we educate our mind and we work out our body, and we have all these different things that we think we have to tackle. Your book, The Mind Success Mindset. really talks about this full picture. And I would love to know, you know, the book is wonderful and we'll we'll tell people how they can find it. And the show notes will include links. Curious, you know, the there's strategies in the book. Do you find that, you know, are there some strategies, one or two, that you could share with us that you find are really, you know, really effective for people that are looking to kind of have that success mindset? Absolutely. ⁓ what are my favorites? So I love this question. I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, one that comes to mind right away is just because I'm really looking at this often in my own life. And it comes up in sessions with CEOs, with new managers, with a whole gamut of ⁓ professional industries, professional backgrounds, education. And that is really around boundaries as an actor. Of self-care and looking at, you know, I work with a lot of people who are overwhelmed. They're burned out. There's a lot of stress. And so we're looking at how can I step into my strength from a place of deeper personal leadership? And that's not a title, it's a way of being in your life. And one of the ways is holding boundaries, considering them as an idea. I hold this idea of boundaries. As a deep act of self-care that contributes to my success. So, you know, it can be as simple as really managing your calendar in a whole new way and making sure that, for instance, my meditation is in my calendar. And a lot of executives I work with will do my their TM practice is a meeting itemized in the calendar. It's blocked. Close the door. Have my, you know, I I literally step away because look, the day is demanding. We've competing priorities. There's multiple inputs. It doesn't matter if your work is in the home or your work is in a company. If you step away briefly, sit down, close your eyes, when you return, your thinking is clearer. You're just better. So that one example that wraps in TM, but it's really about managing. Your boundaries and holding your yes and your no in a whole new way. So a lot of the work I do, I will literally say, let's let's consider yes and no as sacred. So where are you giving your yes? And let's do an assessment. Where are you giving your yes where you're actually sabotaging yourself? Where are you giving a no? Where you're sabotaging yourself. No, I'm not gonna step away and go take a walk on my lunch group break. No, I'm gonna power through and write this next press release or do this or that, right? Or jam in another patient or whatever your industry is, whatever your work is. If you're giving away the spaces that help you come back to balance, then ultimately it's a self-sabotage. Over time, it's just not sustainable. So it's one of the big You know, we all kind of get it at one level of logic, but then there's the actual experience of our life. And there's the actual practicing of it. You know, that I I love this, I love this boundaries as an act of self-care and keeping the yes and no sacred. And you mentioned this powering through. I mean, how many of us are constantly powering through? And it's this sort of, okay, I I gotta get this done. What's beautiful about TM, and you mentioned setting TM like a meeting, you can do it anywhere. You don't have to be in this perfect environment. So you can literally like close the laptop, you know, close your door, whatever it is, sit there and do your 20 minutes, and then get right back into it. I love that as like a hack for powering through because then what you're doing is you're giving yourself this actual power. Go and do quote unquote power through. It's back to that sort of flow state. You're not grinding against something. You're able to pull from that innate power. It's like that, it's like a secret power. You get to kind of like have this little magical power and then power through. But yeah, I would love us all to move away from these concepts if we can collectively as a society of like, let's push ourselves. To take back those sacred moments of saying no and yes. That's a beautiful concept. And I'm gonna practice that more in my own life. So I'm inspired. I love it. Me too. Me too. I mean, these are these are practices that I apply myself and I work with clients. But but really, if I didn't do it myself, you know, then I would be overwhelmed and exhausted and all the things. And we can all still do that. You know, you kind of get through periods even in your life. Where it's like, wait, I feel like I've I I've got more balance. And then suddenly things will get out of balance. And you know, it's just like, you know, that's one of the other things in the book is about acceptance. Levels of acceptance, like just not arguing with reality. It when you practice acceptance, you see yourself even maybe go out of balance. And there's no judgment about that. You're like, I actually need to be more loving with myself, more kind with myself. Because here I am at this out of balance state again. Okay. So let's just come back around. Let's do the assessment. Where am I? Where am I giving away my yes or my no? Where am I not using the yes or the no? Coming back to center on how I want my life to be in a conscious way. Because that is life. It's going to get out of balance. So we don't just walk around in the world telling ourselves, well, I'm just supposed to be in this, like Fixed state that that doesn't even exist. But it is about the practice of coming back around over and over again to deeper levels of awareness and really being present so that you can feel like your life is in the way that you want it to be. Really by design. Yeah, it's that it's that yeah, reclaiming our. Power in that way. You know, you mentioned something ⁓ a while back in our conversation, which was really beautiful about consciousness. And, you know, this is a word that is thrown around a lot and it's sort of in the zeitgeist right now. I think more people are talking about consciousness than ever. But there's also, I think, different ways that the word consciousness is used. And sometimes it's used in a way of sort of a focused awareness or a presence, but con. Consciousness in the context of what we understand, it's like that state of being, it's that state of pure awareness, it's that expansion, it's that mindset. But I'm curious if you could talk a little bit about consciousness and sort of how consciousness develops in our lives and and through maybe practices like TM, but also just through the work that you do coaching and and and speaking to people and sharing these concepts. Yeah, we're often talking in my sessions about consciousness because really and and Dr. Tony Nader is the expert on this. He's a Harvard and MIT trained neuroscientist. He worked with Mao Rishi for a number of years. And his work in this area I lean on a lot. He is regarded As the foremost expert of our time on the study of consciousness and human development. He wrote a fantastic book called One Unbounded Ocean of Consciousness, or Consciousness is all there is. Consciousness is all there is. And you know, the reason that consciousness often comes into my conversations is that consciousness is kind of everything. It's primary, it's the foundation of our lives. So without it, there's nothing. You can't hear, you can't feel love, you can't. Assess your own presence, you're you're not you're not going to experience any success. Your experience of reality is your experience of consciousness. So, you know, looking at this through that lens, Dr. Nader explains that there are two aspects of consciousness. So there is the physical, like limited to our senses, and then there's the non-physical, beyond our senses. So like bands of light that your eyes can't pick up sounds that dogs can hear, but we can't. So beyond senses like that. So we know this really, but we don't necessarily think about how that contributes to our success. And this brings in that great metaphor of the ocean. So you know the physical aspect of consciousness is like waves on the surface of the ocean that are seen and experienced as individual waves. And the non-physical aspect is like the silent depths of the ocean. So within that ocean, there is unlimited potential. Underneath the surface level, there is the potential for for all possibilities. They all exist on the under the surface. So, like that, I'm often talking with clients about, ⁓ so my quality of life has to do with my quality of consciousness. And if on the surface my consciousness is bubbling with thought and activity like the rest of us. How do I access that something beneath that activity of thought, that higher state of pure consciousness? And you know that One of the most effec there are a number of of effective technologies of consciousness. One of them and one of the most effective and profound is transcendental meditation. But there is also yoga and breath work and all of that affects our consciousness. Our diet, our exercise, all affects that quality of consciousness. But it's it's a profound ⁓ it was for me a profound discovery when I realized that, you know, look, in physics, the world's greatest minds. Have analyzed matter down into smaller and smaller components, down to the super small quantum level, in this effort to explore like what is ultimate reality beyond our senses, what is there? And the current thinking is that there's a field at the base of everything, you, me, and all matter. It's a field of all possibilities, and it's intelligent. It's the unified field, and we can access that. So, in terms of Consciousness and the role of consciousness, it's just recognizing we're all connected to that field at our source. And the more that we raise our consciousness, our awareness, we start to purify our experience of reality, if you will. It affects our families, our communities, our businesses, the whole planet. Yeah. And so, you know, that is that is, you know, at the heart. Of any experience of any kind of success, it's going to be how am I experiencing the success? So I can have all the success out here, but what about my experience? Am I actually able to enjoy it? That's it. Yes. So that's the root. It's like if my consciousness is not in a place where I am rested and experiencing myself as my best self. I could have so much in my life, so much affluence, so much love, so many great experiences, but I'm not really going to feel fulfilled, be able to enjoy them, ⁓ you know, be able to access a peaceful, happy, joyful state of well-being if my consciousness is not refined enough, if my nervous system is still too activated and anxious and worried. Yeah. Beautifully said Heather. I think that's such a profound statement. And just that sort of recognition that that desire for success in whatever aspect could be more, you know, more success in business or in love or in all of this. It really we need to continually access that source of ourself, that inner consciousness, that unified feel, that unbounded pure awareness that is actually feeding it to be able to truly enjoy life and to be able to be nourished. By those successes. There's no need to turn away from those successes to find happiness. We don't have to go completely within and avoid the world, but also we can't lose connection with that. Such a profound point. And I think that your clients just get such a value with you. That's so, so beautiful and profound. Well, I've really enjoyed talking. We've gone in a few different directions, and I feel like I could talk to you forever. Me too. wanna I wanna ask you one more question because this is the Inner Well podcast. And so we like to ask our guests at the end, what does the inner well mean to you? the inner well, I think it gets to what we were just talking about. And it's something that Maharishi called 200% of life. So, in my life experience, I was very successful, but I wasn't feeling successful. And It really set me on a path to figure out why is that? Why am I not happy? I have all of these outer markers of success. I have a relationship, but you know, married, I have children, I have a great career, but I'm just not feeling very good every day. So what is missing? And the inner well to me is the answer to that question. It's the fact that yes, 100% outer success. But 100% inner as well. What is what does that even mean? It means a sense of peace, well being, and happiness. That's the inner well. And once you know how to access it, then you start to your success gets fueled from the inside out. And that's when you feel successful. No matter what it turns out, no matter what your outside circumstances are, actually. You feel successful, you feel good. You have a state of well-being that then allows you to experience whatever your reality is around you in a way that's far more fulfilling. That's your full potential. I absolutely love that answer. So well said. Heather, please come back and join us again. This has been such a beautiful, rich conversation. And for everybody, I I hope you read the book. The ⁓ success mindset, we're gonna put it in the show notes. I have read it and it's a fabulous book and we could talk more about it, but I'm sure we'll connect again. Thank you so much for being here today. That's a wrap on today's episode of The Inner Well. Please subscribe and leave a review. Your support means the world and helps others find us. And if this conversation added something to your day, don't be shy. Share it with someone it might resonate with. Also, please follow us on social for more between episodes and send in your questions, your stories, or the topics you'd like to explore with us. We genuinely love hearing from you and this podcast exists because of you. So keep showing up for yourself and we'll see you next week.