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You're Allowed To Be The Villain In Someone Else's Story · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:11
  Hey guys, welcome back to mom gone mild.
• 0:13
  Hope you had an amazing week. I'm Lex your hose.
• 0:17
  If you're new here. Hi welcome.
• 0:20
  I love it. You're here if you're back,
• 0:23
  welcome back to my chaotic just identity crisis becoming best
• 0:30
  version of me. First, I want to say how
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  thankful I am for all the love and support that I got from last
• 0:36
  week's episode. You guys are more than welcome
• 0:38
  to go ahead and listen to that if you haven't already.
• 0:41
  Today's episode might step on a few toes, mine included, because
• 0:47
  today we're talking about boundaries.
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  I know growth, people pleasing, just motherhood, kind of in
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  general, accountability. And honestly, these are not
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  people's favorite topics. It's hard because when you
• 1:02
  realize that you're actually somebody else's villain in their
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  story, not because you're cruel, not because you're selfish, not
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  because you've stopped caring, not because you're cold, but
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  because sometimes growth makes people uncomfortable.
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  Have you noticed that? Yeah, boundaries make people
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  uncomfortable, change makes people uncomfortable.
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  And I think I'm in this weird phase of life where I'm kind of
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  just because trying to become the best version of me.
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  But I'm also kind of like in a fucking era.
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  I know best of both worlds and respectfully, I genuinely do not
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  care if everybody likes me anymore.
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  Old legs would have had a problem with this because this
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  would have ruined her entire week.
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  I don't know why sometimes I talk to myself in third person,
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  maybe because I don't have a guest.
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  But yeah because I spent a lot of my life trying to just
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  impress people for them to honestly either not give a shit
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  or disrespect me. And just before somebody thinks,
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  wow, victim mentality, no, because I can admit something to
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  a lot of it. I allowed, I allowed a lot of
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  this things to happen to me because I wanted to be accepted.
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  I wanted approval. I wanted to fit this like mold
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  that I thought people wanted of me.
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  You know, I tried to be the easygoing daughter.
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  I tried to be the understanding friend.
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  I tried to be the agreeable partner that never said no.
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  You know, the person who wouldn't disagree too loudly,
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  the person who kept peace. And sometimes in all of that, I
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  think I dimmed just like pieces of myself.
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  Because blending in is easy, you know?
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  What's not? Is standing out and standing up
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  on your boundaries, having your own opinions disappointing
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  people. That's freaking uncomfortable.
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  But honestly, that's usually just where growth starts and
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  motherhood. Motherhood I feel like
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  accelerated that lesson real quick for me.
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  For example, I had one huge rule, basically the only rule
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  besides washing your hands. Don't kiss Axel when he was a
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  newborn. Please don't kiss my baby.
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  I thought it was simple. That was the only rule I had and
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  somehow people still acted like I was depriving my child of
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  love. When?
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  Excuse me? Why does respecting a parent's
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  boundary become controversial the second it literally
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  inconveniences somebody? RSV exists.
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  And you guys as a first time parent, I was scared.
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  You don't understand. I'd be like at night like when I
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  was pregnant watching TikTok non-stop.
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  I would be like crying and you know, I don't know, you just,
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  you don't have to agree with every parenting decision
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  somebody makes, but you do have to respect it.
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  And I think that that was like my first major motherhood
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  reality check. People love boundaries until
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  they are inconvenienced by them and past me would have just over
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  explained. Past me would have, you know,
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  worried about hurting their feelings.
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  Past me would have written them like this long paragraph of
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  like, I'm sorry, kind of like explaining myself and
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  apologizing. But currently, no, absolutely
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  not no. And that shift has been
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  uncomfortable because I'm still just a girl who wants to, you
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  know, have a beautiful life. I want peace.
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  I want joy. I want a cozy, comfortable home
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  that, you know, people can come to you without feeling awkward.
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  I want my marriage to be amazing.
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  I want to create family memories.
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  I don't want to be cold or bitter or hard or harsh.
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  But I also refuse to be a target because I'm realizing that, you
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  know, soft life does not require self abandonment.
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  You don't have to lose yourself. Maybe being soft doesn't mean
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  you have unlimited access to me. Maybe kindness doesn't mean
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  endless flexibility. You know, just maybe being a
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  good person doesn't mean always saying yes to everything until
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  you're exhausted, resentful, and you're just upset with them and
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  they don't even know why at the end of the day because
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  everything has just piled up. Maybe boundaries are part of
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  protecting the life you're trying to build.
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  All right, another example. So Axel's first birthday is
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  coming up. I know I've been crying
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  non-stop. Don't talk about it.
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  But not everyone can make it. Life happens, guys.
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  His birthday is in summer and I get it.
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  People work, people have commitments, people travel and
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  that is totally OK. But I kind of caught myself just
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  wanting to rearrange everything, you know, accommodate to
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  everybody. And old me probably would have
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  gone through my calendar, asked every single person, like, what
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  date works for you? Changed everything, changed the
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  plans and just stressed myself out.
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  I would have probably bent over backwards to accommodate
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  everybody. And now I'm kind of like,
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  genuinely, I promise you there are no hard feelings.
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  We'll celebrate another day. It's all good.
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  You know, everyone has their own life and you have to understand
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  that as well. You can't take everything so
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  personal. Like don't take this personally
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  because this is just my story, but I'm learning that no problem
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  doesn't always have to mean like let me sacrifice my peace to
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  make this work. And that's uncomfortable
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  especially for me because creating boundaries has always
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  been kind of like uncomfortable for me.
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  Saying no has definitely been uncomfortable for me.
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  I've said yes to a lot of things that I didn't want to.
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  Disappointing people is really uncomfortable, but I honestly
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  feel like that's where growth lives.
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  That's just, I don't know. Here's another truth before
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  Axel, you guys are not going to believe this, but I was a very
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  confrontational person. Maybe like my friends are going
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  to be like actually I-1000 believe percent believe this.
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  But if something bothered me, he would know.
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  If I disagreed, you would definitely know.
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  I let my just like emotions kind of run.
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  I'm up and down. If I felt disrespected, I wasn't
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  exactly handling it with like deep breathing exercises.
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  I used to fight people. Guys, I know you guys are going
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  to be like, what the hell? Like she's an adult.
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  No, I know most of it came from alcohol, but I you know, and I
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  didn't always win, but I am trying to be a better version of
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  myself. You guys haven't seen this
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  version of me. You guys have seen the mom, the
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  wife, the podcast person, you know, like just talking about
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  this growth, talking about like becoming her.
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  And you know, I mean, I am involving and I'm not perfect.
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  And This is why I'm like, you know, telling you guys this
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  because maybe someone can resonate and be like, wow, you
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  know, like this could be my story I'm telling.
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  And you know, I'm never going to sugarcoat anything for you guys.
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  I'm always going to be honest. I have built this version of me
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  from Ground Zero. I was not always this
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  emotionally mature person. In fact, people would say I was
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  immature. I've said plenty of things I
• 8:50
  regret. I haven't handled everything
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  perfectly. I've made mistakes.
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  I've been very reactive, I've been defensive, I've been hard
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  headed at times. I can admit I was not the
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  easiest person to love. And I'm not saying that for like
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  oh poor her pity blah blah blah. I'm saying it because I refuse
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  to sit here and pretend I've always been this healed,
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  peaceful, evolved human being. Absolutely not.
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  This version of me, I'm currently building it.
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  How am I building it? I'm building it through
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  mistakes. I'm building it through the
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  consequences that I've had through those mistakes, the hard
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  conversations I've had to have because of them, the
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  accountability that I'm holding myself accountable for.
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  And just like realizing that I was the common denominator.
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  And yeah, that has not been comfortable to admit because
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  growth sounds really cute. I know.
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  It sounds like, Oh my gosh, it's so aesthetic.
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  She's healing. Boundaries sound empowering, but
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  real growth, I feel like real growth is looking at older
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  versions of yourself and cringing a little.
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  I know I give myself the aches sometimes, thinking about like
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  who I was before and just realizing like I had to grow up.
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  I, I could have definitely handled situations differently.
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  I'm not perfect. Yes, I was extremely petty
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  person and I think everyone has kind of been there in a way,
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  maybe not so extreme, but I think everyone has messed up in
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  some kind of way. I think everyone has had
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  immature seasons. The problem isn't making
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  mistakes. That's a good thing.
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  I mean, the problem is when you don't learn from them, when you
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  stay stuck, when you refuse accountability, when you're
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  still proudly operating from patterns that hurt you and
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  everyone around you, That is not OK.
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  And motherhood kind of amplified all of this for me because now
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  I'm not just living for me anymore.
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  I'm living for Axel. I'm living for Randy.
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  You know, I've got new priorities.
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  But you know, I just feel like this is a really good place to
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  end it, you know? I don't know, you guys, I've
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  been feeling really good. Life isn't perfect, you know,
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  I'm still figuring out things. I'm still growing.
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  I feel like each day I'm learning a lot.
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  You know, I'm evolving. I'm learning patience.
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  I have barely any of these days, but I'm learning.
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  And you know, right now I'm actually in the middle of 75
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  soft. I'm on day nine.
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  I've officially lost 56 lbs since having Axel 10 months ago.
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  And honestly, that blows my mind.
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  But I feel like right now I'm just focusing on life, living
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  it, growing through it, learning through it.
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  And yes, I am learning a lot. I'm protecting also my peace
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  while still trying to be a good human because you can do both.
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  You don't have to be mean about it.
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  So yeah, we have some really exciting things coming up on Mom
• 11:49
  Gone Mild. Also, there is currently a
• 11:51
  Wellness giveaway happening over on Instagram at Mom Gone Mild
• 11:55
  under score podcast. So please enter.
• 11:58
  I would absolutely love to spoil 1 lucky winner.
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  So, you know, it's just let's make this week count.
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  Let's focus on us. Focus on the things you can
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  control. I know it's hard.
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  The things you can control only and the things you can't.
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  I don't know. I'm going to practice.
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  Like letting it go. Is it easy for me?
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  No, I never let things go. But you know what?
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  I am remembering that I am not the main character in your story
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  or anyone else's. No one owes me anything.
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  No one, you know, owes me. Understanding, not choosing me.
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  You don't owe everybody unlimited access to you either.
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  That's life. What's meant to be will be.
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  And you guys now I'm starting to feel like I'm a star, starting
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  to sound like a little preachy. So I don't know.
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  I don't know what I'm trying to give you guys a pep talk or me a
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  pep talk at this point, but probably both.
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  Anyways, I love you guys. So like always, same time, same
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  place next week. So if you guys can please
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  subscribe, follow, share, hit all the buttons, you know what I
• 13:06
  mean? And yeah, just like always, I
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  love you guys and thank you guys for this time, this space.
• 13:12
  Have a great week.