Latest / Forged In The Dark / Not Everyone Will Clap When You Grow
Transcript
- Forged In The Dark: Growth can be hard for your people to understand. Now, sometimes your own growth can be hard for you to understand and you are in it. But it is incredibly common for the people that are the closest to you to see your growth. And some will subconsciously hop on board and start growing alongside of you. While others will resist. Welcome to Forged in the Dark. I'm your host, Jamie. Let's dig in. Now, of course, I have stories to go along with this concept and two of the stories are directly plucked from Conversations that I had And I am going to refer to these people as people one and people two. So, person number one and I were on the phone and At some point in the conversation, she brought in something her partner had said in a conversation. They were recovering from I don't know if it was an actual argument or just a disagreement, but he looked at her and said. I see you growing. I don't know where I fit in here. Ooh, okay. So this immediately signaled to me that this is the kind of question you want to lean into. This kind of question is flagging that your partner. Wants to grow too. This is signaling that your partner is asking for help. And then we have person number two. And person number two just made a big bold move for her career. And it's going well. It is like she is on fire. She is getting accolades and praise and fanfare, and she's working her tail off for every bit of it. But her partner says nothing and starts arguments with her all of the time. Her partner. When she comes to him with a celebration, he says things like, well, it must have been a fluke, Okay. Ooh, there's a lot of information going on here. When you grow, it can be incredibly. Intense for the people around you to watch you, to live with you, to observe you being someone you have never been before, I found myself in a similar situation with one of my kids. And this wasn't so long ago. Now I have been growing for years and years So my kid has lived with me through all of this growth. But when we moved a few months ago, there were changes that I made that seemed even harsh to me. And one day he and I were in a particularly tricky conversation. And we were at odds. I could see his point, he could see mine, but but neither one of us agreed. And when I continued to probe, he finally told me what the real issue was. And and it didn't come out as eloquently as I'm about to say it. But basically, what he said was you are not the mom that I have always had. The mom that I have always had, always did X, Y, And now X, Y, and Z are gone. And I don't know how to pivot. I don't know how to adjust. Now, ladies and gentlemen, this is my kid. This is my kid. This becomes a full-blown negotiation. And the conversation was long and We did come to a compromise where we could meet in the middle, where I could give him a little bit of XYZ every single week. But he needed to understand that XYZ was is never ever going to look the same as it always did. Now, if you're new here, I was a stay-at-home mom for 17 years. I did everything for my kids. And one is grown and out on his own. And the one that is almost grown and is old enough and has the capabilities to do these things. It is simply the change in me that he is struggling with. So let's go back to person one and person two. Person one, she was doubling down that she was not going to reassure him. She was not going to have that conversation. And person number two is all in for the fight. Now, when I tell you that. Every single situation in your life is information person number one by the end of our conversation. I was explaining to her that just that question where do I fit into your life? You are growing. Where do I fit in? That question signals willingness. That question signals curiosity. That question right there is information that your person. wants to wants to stay connected with you is asking for a f a further conversation and I told her despite her many many objections It is okay to reassure your partner that you are not going anywhere. I reassured my kid that I'm not going anywhere. I may not be the same mom that you've always had, but I'm not going anywhere. It is okay to explain in more depth to your partner exactly what you're doing and why you're doing it. It is okay to occasionally reassure your partner. Now, in this work, it is your job to take care of yourself a hundred percent of the time. There is a way to put yourself first without being thoughtless. No, you shouldn't have to look at your partner every single day and say, I'm growing today, but I still love you. I'm growing today, but there's still room for you in my life. No. But in these times, in these conversations, take The time to have the conversation with your partner. Make sure they understand that you are in this for the long haul with them. They don't have to grow fast as long as they are growing. They don't have to grow fast to support your growth. But person number two, let's break down person number two. Because She sees the pattern. She's starting to understand the pattern. But for as much as her partner is resisting her growth, she is resisting that he is resisting that growth. it is not your job, it is not your responsibility to hold your partner's hand to the growth journey. If you are at an impasse with your partner, and the more you grow, the more the resistant growth resistance grows in the relationship, that is information. You really either need to make your peace with every time I do something well, with every time I I have have success in my career. Every time I go through a season of rapid fire growth, my partner's gonna pick fights with me. You either need to make your peace with that or make other choices for yourself. Because those fights. That resistance is showing you that your partner doesn't want to grow. It is not your job to get your partner on board with growth. When you grow, one of two things is going to happen in your relationship. You are either going to grow together because your partner is going to support you and cheer for you and and and and grab your hand and say, let's go, let's grow together. Or it's going to be met with resistance. Now let's circle back to my kid. This is a relationship that I want to grow. So I'm putting in the work and I'm willing to compromise. My kid now has the information that I'm growing and I'm going to continue to grow, and things are going to continue to change. But from a place of pure willingness, because I love you so much, I am willing to do X, Y, and Z. Because I love you. Not every single person is going to like your growth. Some people, it's going to be really, really easy to just let them fall off. But for the really important relationships in your life, you must be willing to have the hard conversations with your partner. You must be willing to compromise. Where compromises are necessary. The bottom line is not everyone is going to like your growth. Not everyone is going to support your growth. And how people treat your growth is all information. What you do with that information is up to you. Person number one have a conversation. Reassure your partner. You don't need to reassure them every day, but give them some reassurance. What's wrong with that? And person number two. again, your person is showing you their inability to grow. They are showing you how much they dislike your growth. And for me. This is my kid for Pete's sake. If you are a parent, you understand that sometimes other people's needs come before yours. And Your job today is to identify. Identify these relationships in your life. Identify the people in your life that don't like your growth. Identify the people that like your growth. Like this is a this is simply an invitation for you to view each and every interaction you have with people, positive or negative, as information and choose what you want to do with it. But if someone in your life is truly questioning, know that there is real hope and real potential there. And when someone in your life is just fighting you at every every step, ooh, that's information. Okay. I was way long-winded today. Until next time.