Latest / The Kink Consultant / Ep 30 - The Reality of Being a Kink Educator: Moxie Rose on TikTok, Sex Ed & Community

Transcript

Ep 30 - The Reality of Being a Kink Educator: Moxie Rose on TikTok, Sex Ed & Community · The Kink Consultant

• 0:08
  It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
• 0:11
  on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
• 0:14
  So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
• 0:17
  to it. Hey everybody, and welcome to
• 0:24
  this week's episode of The King Consultant.
• 0:26
  I am extremely excited and a little fangirlish today because
• 0:31
  I am joined by the infamous, and I do mean infamous, Moxie Rose.
• 0:36
  I I like infamous. Good.
• 0:38
  I'm so glad you leaned into it and you weren't like, Oh no,
• 0:41
  that's not me. It's like, yeah, you fucking
• 0:42
  are. No.
• 0:44
  Go on. Literally the creator.
• 0:45
  We all want to be in the king space, and I can pretty much say
• 0:48
  that categorically speaking to people, Yeah.
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  So Moxie is the educator for Shop Kwinky AKA but like also
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  the announce educator for Mr. Pierre Fashion who everyone
• 0:59
  knows for their spicy wrist cuff.
• 1:00
  You have one on? I am one downstairs.
• 1:03
  I meant to have it on. Of course I forgot I got the
• 1:05
  Shop Kwinky one with the measuring.
• 1:07
  Oh yeah, I'm wearing my Mr. Pierre one, but I have the.
• 1:10
  The measurement clutch because I always need something for those
• 1:14
  who are not chronically online or even a little bit online
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  because you're everywhere boxy. You are a TikTok and Instagram
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  influencer on top of the in house educator and that's kind
• 1:24
  of like where you got your start.
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  How long ago did you start making content?
• 1:28
  My online content honestly began back in 2020 at like the height
• 1:33
  of Covad lockdown when I think like tick tock in general kind
• 1:36
  of got this boom. At this point, I'd already been
• 1:39
  a sex and kink educator for a number of years and I'd already
• 1:43
  been years in the, in the community as like, you know, a
• 1:46
  personal practitioner. And I started my content just as
• 1:50
  like a anything and everything kind of window into my life,
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  like, you know, just everybody just showing, you know, what's
• 1:55
  going on in their life. And I started to see that when I
• 1:58
  would talk about kink, when I would talk about sex, when I
• 2:01
  would, you know, eventually when I went back to work after
• 2:03
  everything started opening back up and I was at a adult toy
• 2:06
  store showing that that kind of stuff was where the just surge
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  in popularity would come in. I'm like, OK, this is what
• 2:13
  people want to see, obviously. And then it kind of occurred to
• 2:16
  me that I had a unique opportunity that the things that
• 2:18
  I loved about being an educator that I thought were important,
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  the accessibility of it, the fact based part of it when it
• 2:25
  comes to like sex education specifically, that like this
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  needs to be fact based. It needs to be science based.
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  It also needs to be inclusive and intersectional.
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  And I was able to give myself a place to do that, that I could
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  reach people who would otherwise not be allowed to get that
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  schooling, who would not have access to it.
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  And so I kind of just leaned into it and it took off like a
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  rocket. Because it was so authentic, it
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  was one of those things if you weren't looking for it
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  specifically, you weren't going to come across it until TikTok.
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  It just made it like bam right in front of your face.
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  And if it captured you, it did. One of the things I've loved
• 3:02
  about your content always is that you also inject your
• 3:05
  personal stories into it. Like yes, you do the research,
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  but then you and your partner sharing come spitting it back
• 3:12
  and forth, but the. Moxie, it got late.
• 3:14
  It got dubbed as the Moxie. Oh my God, There's a whole thing
• 3:18
  to it. It wasn't just that.
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  It was the entire like lead up to the point that even on the
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  Discord that we have somebody made what looks like like a DND
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  or like a Pokémon card and it's called the Moxie and it's a
• 3:30
  finishing move and like, Oh my God, my funniest thing ever.
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  I do love sharing that stuff because it is very, like you
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  said, it's very wrong. Oh, it's very.
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  It's real. Yes, and it's so de shamifying
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  to for all of the quote UN quote weird things people like and I
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  love the word weird. I've been called weird my whole
• 3:47
  life and now it's like my superpower.
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  I feel like. So when people feel sad about
• 3:51
  being quote UN quote weird, I'm like, no, no, no, that's cool.
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  Look around. We're all weird.
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  So I did not realize it was called the moxie.
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  I just that video is like etched in my brain and I'm like.
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  I'm not even the one that dubbed at the moxie it was.
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  My recognized. So for those that are listening,
• 4:08
  I'll go ahead and describe it. We're not like that creative
• 4:11
  where we're like this is something that nobody else has
• 4:13
  ever done. We're just like this was one of
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  our favorite things to do and people were just when I'd talk
• 4:17
  about in the lives you to just have people that like jaw on the
• 4:20
  floor like and so they hadn't hurt.
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  So they just started calling it the moxie and I'm like, Oh God.
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  After we've kind of gotten to like the end of our play,
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  whatever we're doing, whatever, you know, form of intimacy,
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  we've been taking part in it. This is the way that we kind of
• 4:34
  finish things. My partner has had to get a lot
• 4:36
  of practice at it, but he is able to stop his climax kind of
• 4:40
  midway through, which a lot of people, especially those with
• 4:44
  like a penis that climax. Sometimes it naturally happens
• 4:48
  for them that like midway through the climax, something
• 4:50
  happens to distract them right in the center of it.
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  And they almost feel like immediately after words they
• 4:56
  could come again. And it's because they almost
• 4:58
  didn't like get all of it out. And so there's not really a
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  refractory period where there's like a waiting time in between.
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  It's all it's like immediately afterwards and it gets the rest
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  out. So my partner has had a lot of
• 5:08
  practice with intentionally stopping that and knowing at
• 5:12
  what point all of the sensation needs to stop and it'll do it on
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  its own and stop. I am basically down in front of
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  him and he's, you know, manually working the shaft with just
• 5:22
  himself and I am focusing orally on like the testicles.
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  As soon as he tells me or there's like a tap or something,
• 5:28
  some sort of warning to let me know, all sensation, like all
• 5:31
  stimulation needs to stop. Otherwise it'll just be the full
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  thing. So I stop basically put my mouth
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  over it and catch half of the load in my mouth.
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  I crawl on top of him and finish with him finishing inside me
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  with the rest of it. So there's like half cream pie
• 5:46
  there. And then meanwhile I am swapping
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  the semen back and forth with him in between our mouths.
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  Yeah, this is so much hotter uncensored.
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  It's. Very different to describe.
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  I kind of like this. So he's like got one in the
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  chambers essentially, because it's half of what?
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  It's supposed to, yeah. So it's immediate.
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  I literally climb right on top of him and it's immediately we
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  start again. Fucking love that.
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  You don't really have to pick which one you want to do.
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  You can. You can do both.
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  Someone must have coined the term edging.
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  I'm excited to see how far the word moxie goes because I'm
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  like, it's like post. Edging if 30 years from now.
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  This is like Canon terminology that like nobody remembers
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  whoever came from but it's just forever the moxie.
• 6:27
  This will be my legacy. An amazing legacy.
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  OK, but then the second favorite thing that I had about the video
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  that you made was you very bluntly said, this doesn't need
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  to be your thing. This is our thing.
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  Sometimes non kingsters or people who are, I try not to say
• 6:42
  the word vanilla, feel a little bit like, oh, are we being
• 6:45
  shamed into needing to do more? But even kingsters, there's not
• 6:49
  pressure, but it's sort of like, oh, push boundaries, go past it.
• 6:52
  That's how you're cool. And it's like, no, do what makes
• 6:54
  me happy and makes you come. Yeah, this makes you feel.
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  Into it it only becomes an issue if it's becoming an issue for
• 7:00
  you or if it's causing compatibility issues that one
• 7:03
  partner wants to try more explore more and the other one
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  has no interest in it. It's not an issue until it's an
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  issue. I try to tell people all the
• 7:10
  time that like kink is not competitive.
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  This isn't like a race to see who can push the boundaries the
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  farthest. Like if it's something you're
• 7:19
  interested in, by all means. And there are certain acts that
• 7:22
  those are the ones that I want to push impact play.
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  I want to explore how far I can push my body.
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  I want to explore that. But like wax play and fire play,
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  I am aiming for a certain sensation and I just want to sit
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  there because I like that sensation as it is.
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  I'm not interested in pushing the bounds of repetitive injury
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  is burns. Like if I'm going to do anything
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  stupid, it's going to be burning myself somehow.
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  And so like for me, I'm like not interested, not as fun.
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  I feel like we really quickly approach like, hey, this is a
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  good thing. And then we kind of move
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  overshoot it a little bit with kink.
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  You have this environment that's meant to be a area where it is
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  safe to explore. You have negotiations, you have
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  safety measures in place because there's a risk to everything you
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  do, but you learn risk mitigation.
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  So this is a healthy environment to push those bounds.
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  If you want to, this would be the time to do it because
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  there's so much negotiation, so much consent, all of the stuff,
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  all of the communication. But I think we got a little lost
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  there. And it went from like this is a
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  safe space for you to do that to if you you are going to be in
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  this space, you need to do that. And it's.
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  Such a toxic cycle that I think does happen and then you have to
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  like remind yourself, no, no, no, that's just one random
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  person. It's like usually one bad egg in
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  a larger group and then you're usually.
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  The most vocal about it, I've even talked to people that would
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  say things like that. And it wasn't until they kind of
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  had a discussion about coercion and like how that comes across
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  that they were like, Oh yeah, you know what?
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  I didn't really realize that that is that's not how I wanted
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  that to come across. I was just trying to like be
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  encouraging to like you should do this.
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  You should. And more from like a get on with
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  your bad self kind of thing and less of a like you need to.
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  But the tone and the delivery and not communicating well with
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  the other people who are, you know, misunderstanding what
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  you're saying, Like it, it gets difficult.
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  And I have tried to explain to people like, look, if if you
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  were in any other situation and somebody said you need to be
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  trying, you have to do that. They're like, if you're gonna do
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  this, then you need to do that. And you kind of convince
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  yourself to try something that you otherwise would not have
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  tried. What is the difference between
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  that and coercion? And when you can't tell me the
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  difference, it's because there's no difference.
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  That is coercion. And you don't want to coerce
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  people into this. Coercion looks for a lot of
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  people like, manipulate, like hard manipulation.
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  It can look very blatant and like swept right under the rug
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  like. That I also think you do is such
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  a good job of taking the educator role seriously, even
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  though it's sort of quote, UN quote, like just on TikTok and
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  it's on the Internet and anyone can say whatever they want on
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  the Internet. You hold yourself to a very high
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  standard idea about that a lot when I'm making content too.
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  I think it helped me that I had been an educator already in this
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  world before getting on TikTok because all I had up to that
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  point was experiences educating people in person.
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  It was not nothing like what I have on here.
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  I would talk to small rooms of people at like dungeons or
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  different clubs or what, you know, people that would host me
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  as a panelist or an educator in with like a whole bunch of other
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  stuff. Or I would work one-on-one with
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  clients or one-on-one with couples that, you know, we're
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  seeking out that kind of counseling stuff and like kind
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  of helping them with things. And so I only had that
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  experience of the very small intimate numbers.
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  Now I, I collectively talk to over half a million people all
• 10:44
  at one time, like, you know, at any given point, 600,000 people
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  at any given time. And so it never really dawned on
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  me to be anything different because what I had was that
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  experience of like, if you're standing there in person with
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  somebody, how would you act? I want people to have that
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  experience of that like very casual, very relaxed, but still
• 11:02
  taken seriously, that kind of stuff.
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  And it's the same stance that I take on, you know, online is the
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  same stance that I always took in person is I do take that role
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  being an educator seriously. And I don't want to blur the
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  lines of the power dynamics because I do understand that I
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  hold a lot of power in what I do because I have so much
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  information, because I have so much experience in it that I
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  hold a lot of power over a lot of other people who would look
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  to me that I am responsible for being that.
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  And it's the reason that I don't play with anybody who I've ever
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  educated or anybody who I educate.
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  I do not play with anybody that I work with, anything like that.
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  I want a very hard line there because all I want to do is be
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  the educator. I want to be the like mother
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  figure behind the scenes that like just pushes her little
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  ducklings out the doors like, and there you go.
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  Go live your best life. Let me know if you need help.
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  You're not sleeping with your teacher, your teacher teaches.
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  Even then you go out and like do those.
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  Things because just like the sleeping with the teacher thing,
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  if I played with somebody who I educated, who obviously if I'm
• 12:02
  the educator, they sought information from me.
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  They are the subordinate role in that one of like you have things
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  I don't have from knowledge, teach things.
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  If I begin them playing with them, there becomes an ethical
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  line of am I still being an educator or am I only educating
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  them to basically groom them into being the perfect play
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  partner for me? That what I teach them would be
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  things that I would like to do and not just teach them what
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  they're asking. And I don't ever want to have
• 12:30
  somebody think that that line is blurred and have that power
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  dynamic kind of outplay them. I do not want that.
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  I don't want that responsibility.
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  I think also with that teacher saying there's a looking up to
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  someone, there's a willingness to push past what you want
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  because you want to impress someone or give me what you
• 12:46
  think they expect of you. I think that's a lot.
• 12:48
  There's people who I meet, that's how they want to bond
• 12:51
  with me is they're like, you obviously are in this lifestyle.
• 12:53
  You obviously are very comfortable with this subject.
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  This is how I have to interact with you.
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  It's like you don't though. That's not how we have to
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  interact. I can still be this person in
• 13:02
  front of you and not play, not be like a partner to you.
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  I think that's the comfort of people, like learning that.
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  Like, it's all right, I am here to be a friend.
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  I'm here to be that like encouraging voice of like
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  teaching you what you need to know.
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  But like, no, I don't want to have that power over you.
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  Do you find that people look for it from you like sometimes and
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  I. Mean sometimes it's just people
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  shooting their shot. I'm not shy about what I am.
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  I know I'm a pretty girl. I know what I look like and I
• 13:29
  know that there is something appealing about that.
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  I have a big personality. I know that there's something
• 13:34
  appealing about the fact that I'm a pretty girl who talks
• 13:37
  about sex and a pre girl who talks about kink.
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  I look appealing to a lot of people and I fully understand
• 13:42
  that. So sometimes it's just people
• 13:44
  shooting their shot because why not?
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  Like worst thing I can say is no, and if you're respectful
• 13:48
  about it, I will be respectful right back.
• 13:49
  If you can shoot your shot, it's not going to go anywhere.
• 13:52
  That's a lot of times. I think today on my live I had
• 13:54
  somebody ask if I'd ever like molded any part of my body for
• 13:57
  like toys, like done any like the pocket pussy stuff.
• 13:59
  I'm like, Nope. I mean, if I ever did, it'd be a
• 14:01
  cool experience of like this is super cool.
• 14:03
  I've never done this before. What an interesting experience
• 14:05
  and it would go nowhere at home. I would like Tada there she is
• 14:10
  on the shelf. I don't necessarily want to do
• 14:12
  that sell it to other people, not for any reason other than
• 14:15
  just I just want to be the educator.
• 14:17
  I can point you in the direction of so many amazing, wonderful
• 14:20
  sex workers that would absolutely do that.
• 14:23
  And those are who you should be going to for that because that
• 14:26
  is what they want to do 100% you're.
• 14:28
  Not looking to mass produce at scale.
• 14:30
  Honestly, if I ever have a line of products, I just want a line
• 14:33
  of products that would be like named after me and it's all just
• 14:35
  black and white scenes like that's I don't want anything
• 14:37
  molded after me. I would be the same.
• 14:40
  I just, I just want like a killer paddle because I'm a
• 14:42
  spanko and I would like it's something that everyone's like,
• 14:45
  get that paddle, like get that consultant.
• 14:48
  That's the kind of stuff I'd be totally like down for that kind
• 14:50
  of stuff. It's the molding of my own body
• 14:52
  because and part of it is I fully recognize that when you
• 14:55
  get up to this number of like followers on any sort of social
• 14:59
  media platform, there are mean people on the Internet and I
• 15:03
  just don't want to listen to people talk about what my pussy
• 15:08
  looks like. I just don't fucking.
• 15:11
  Care a sentence I never really thought about.
• 15:13
  But you're right, I too don't want to hear people talk about
• 15:16
  how my pussy looks. The only person who it matters
• 15:19
  to is my partner. They obviously don't care.
• 15:22
  Yeah, I don't want to listen to because I'll, you know, we've
• 15:25
  had just that. It's the perfect body thing.
• 15:27
  It's how you think bodies should look.
• 15:29
  And I just don't want to listen to people talk about my body in
• 15:33
  any sense because it just is Like, I don't want to sign up
• 15:35
  for that. I'm just here to teach you guys
• 15:37
  how to do your thing ethically and safely and live your best.
• 15:41
  Life you have been in the real king community space one of the
• 15:46
  questions I think I get asked the most is how to find a good.
• 15:49
  Community. Good communities are based on
• 15:52
  good people. You won't have a good community
• 15:55
  with bad people. In my opinion, it's less
• 15:58
  important to focus on like how do I find a good community?
• 16:00
  And more important to surround yourself in your practices with
• 16:05
  good people and you yourself be good people and it will build
• 16:10
  that good community. The nice part and the bad part
• 16:14
  about communities just literally being made above a bunch of
• 16:16
  people is that it's literally just made-up of a bunch of
• 16:19
  people. And so you have the good in with
• 16:21
  the batter. You have the people that just
• 16:22
  they're not bad people. They just don't vibe together.
• 16:24
  And like the everything in between, you always want to
• 16:27
  approach everything with a healthy amount of caution, which
• 16:29
  I tell people like, you know, there there seems to be this
• 16:32
  idea that it's like, you know, when you started venturing into
• 16:34
  like the kink community or like going to like events, you want
• 16:38
  to be really careful because you don't know who's there.
• 16:40
  It's a level. Of risk.
• 16:42
  And just, and sometimes a risk is not necessarily like a risk
• 16:44
  that something could like go wrong in terms of being hurt.
• 16:47
  It's just like a maybe you just don't vibe with this person and
• 16:50
  that's a risk that you took. Is that like just see if you
• 16:52
  vibe together? So to me, it is more important
• 16:55
  to just be authentic in your practices and ethical in your
• 16:59
  practices and hold people accountable.
• 17:01
  If you see somebody or you know somebody that is practicing in a
• 17:05
  dangerous or unethical way, or they're making somebody
• 17:07
  uncomfortable and nobody else is seeing it, but you see, go tell
• 17:11
  the host. Go bring it up to the host and
• 17:13
  say something. You've done your responsibility.
• 17:15
  You brought it to their attention and they're the host.
• 17:17
  It's their establishment to see something, say something thing.
• 17:19
  And if it's all good and you just you, you were missing
• 17:23
  something, they'll figure that out.
• 17:24
  But you did the responsible thing.
• 17:26
  And like, that's just lookout for each other.
• 17:28
  Like, This is why I really like munches.
• 17:31
  You're underdressed. Just everybody's just hanging
• 17:34
  out. It looks like a book club and
• 17:35
  you're all in your normal clothing.
• 17:37
  And yet just by its general presence of being a munch, you
• 17:40
  know that that's your community. You know that there's already a
• 17:43
  birds of a feather thing happening here, but you're just
• 17:46
  really relaxed and just a nice way to have that very laid back
• 17:50
  conversation. Because then when you do get
• 17:52
  into the actual kink spaces of like clubs, dungeons, events,
• 17:56
  whatever, you might see some familiar faces.
• 17:58
  You'll see the people that you chatted with and now that that
• 18:01
  ice has already been broken. I'm like a huge fan of munches
• 18:04
  and educational events because my advice is always go find your
• 18:06
  people. My thing is like, follow them
• 18:08
  and find out where they're going because you'll probably find
• 18:11
  more of your people there. And educational events are great
• 18:13
  places to make connections too. Not necessarily.
• 18:15
  Like don't use it as a hunting ground for potential partners,
• 18:19
  but like finding those people that you're like, obviously all
• 18:22
  of us are here to learn or to teach.
• 18:25
  If you show up somewhere and you're like, never mind, this is
• 18:27
  not what I thought, you can leave.
• 18:30
  That's so true you can leave like that is an option like this
• 18:33
  is all knowledge that you've gathered over years of doing
• 18:36
  this like in person on TikTok. How are you bringing this to
• 18:39
  being an in house educator for brands?
• 18:43
  It's. Definitely not something I ever
• 18:44
  saw coming. I got picked up by Mr. Pierre
• 18:47
  fashion in like the the most serendipitous way ever and he
• 18:51
  had actually tried to poach me from my job like about two
• 18:54
  months prior to that and I had to turn him down and it ended up
• 18:58
  just it worked out perfectly. His partner was actually the one
• 19:02
  that saw my video about no longer working at the store and
• 19:04
  was like Oh my God, unit like you need to act fast because
• 19:07
  she's going to get picked up by someone like 2 hours later I was
• 19:11
  on board at Mr. Pierre fashion. They allowed me a space to do
• 19:16
  what I wanted to do, which was educate people and be able to
• 19:20
  give education to people that would otherwise not be allowed
• 19:24
  to get it or not have access to it.
• 19:26
  I was given the opportunity to be this in house educator and it
• 19:29
  started with that because Mr. Pierre Fashion was catering
• 19:33
  specifically to the kink crowd. There's a lot of cosplayers, but
• 19:37
  there were also also the the nerd to kink pipeline is a real
• 19:41
  1. So there's a lot of yeah, but
• 19:43
  there was, you know, it's like they said we're custom tailors
• 19:46
  for porn stars, porn stars and kinky people.
• 19:49
  It was one of those things that because when people would order
• 19:51
  or go exploring on the website, they already felt like they've
• 19:54
  got 1 foot in the door with kink because they're obviously in a
• 19:58
  kink centered space, even though it's like a retail setting.
• 20:01
  Maybe these people will know a good answer to like, hey, how do
• 20:04
  I find my community while I'm here?
• 20:06
  You guys obviously know about kink.
• 20:08
  How do you pick a safe word? While the employees and the
• 20:11
  owners and everybody like involved with Mr. Pierre Fashion
• 20:14
  could answer that, because those are easy.
• 20:16
  For them to answer being personal practitioners in the
• 20:19
  lifestyle as well, it started to become obvious that there was
• 20:22
  value in bringing on an educator rather than saying sorry, we're
• 20:27
  just retailers like you know what people are coming here
• 20:29
  anyway we may as well make this a thing here's the custom
• 20:31
  tailoring stuff that we help with you got an education
• 20:34
  question. We're going to send you over
• 20:35
  right to this in house educator. So then that's where it becomes
• 20:39
  shop quinky that we started is, you know, Mr. Pierre fashion is
• 20:43
  just the we sell the leather cuffs and the which necklace and
• 20:47
  those are things that we're kind of the third party seller for
• 20:50
  the people that make them. They just want to make the thing
• 20:52
  like please, you do the selling thing.
• 20:54
  You know, they had the custom tailoring stuff, which was, you
• 20:56
  know, their part, the Mr. Pure fashion part.
• 20:59
  They had a lot of their stuff on Etsy.
• 21:00
  Well, Etsy then sends out the infamous e-mail of you sell
• 21:05
  adult products. You're no longer going to be
• 21:07
  allowed to sell those adult products on here.
• 21:09
  And it went out to them. It went out to like Squidly, who
• 21:11
  makes a lot of the like the fantasy, you know, tentacle
• 21:14
  dildos, things like that, a lot of harness makers things.
• 21:16
  So anything of an adult, most especially a kink like centered
• 21:20
  nature because some of the sex stuff you could kind of maneuver
• 21:24
  on Etsy because some of it was pro-choice rights, things like
• 21:27
  that. So it was like it was like
• 21:29
  shirts with uteruses on him. So it's like not a problem, but
• 21:32
  they look to the king stuff and be like, no, absolutely not.
• 21:34
  We're not even gonna negotiate this one.
• 21:36
  It kind of started us on this. What if there was like an Etsy
• 21:39
  that was literally just for adult products?
• 21:42
  And so we've go kind of started with like, wouldn't that be
• 21:44
  cool? And then meanwhile, we're
• 21:46
  watching the deep platforming of sex workers who did a lot of
• 21:50
  their content through things like Only Fans or any number of
• 21:53
  the other websites and would advertise it on places like
• 21:56
  TikTok. They're not showing anything,
• 21:58
  but they're very obviously, like directing people over to like
• 22:01
  their website. Yeah, they're being there.
• 22:03
  And they're getting deep platforms left and right on
• 22:05
  there. And they they especially get
• 22:06
  deep platformed if they try to talk about anything having to do
• 22:09
  with their rights, like the difference between legalization
• 22:12
  and decriminalization and things like that.
• 22:14
  The King community doesn't exist without sex work, like whether
• 22:17
  or not you are a sex worker or you choose to patron a sex
• 22:20
  worker like it doesn't exist without them.
• 22:22
  And so. Here we have all these people
• 22:24
  being D platform for selling these products, and now here's
• 22:26
  all these people being D platform for selling a service.
• 22:30
  Wait a minute. OK, They're already doing
• 22:31
  business with each other because these performers are already
• 22:34
  using these dildos, these harnesses, these clamps, these
• 22:36
  whatever in their videos. What if we could give them a
• 22:39
  place to work together where they're like, they could just
• 22:41
  thrive together. And that was kind of the start
• 22:43
  of Shop Quinky coming on board with Mr. Pierre.
• 22:45
  Fashion became part this as they're building this and it was
• 22:48
  what was important to us was the education part of it.
• 22:51
  We want to equip your kink. So like watching the performers,
• 22:56
  you discover your kinks, you discover the things that you
• 22:59
  like or the things that you want to try at home.
• 23:01
  And then we've got the makers of products.
• 23:03
  It's like, OK, cool. So you discovered that you
• 23:05
  definitely like bondage. Here are some bondage products.
• 23:09
  Now here's the education on how to pick a safe word.
• 23:12
  Here's the safety measures. Here's safety scissors.
• 23:14
  Here's all of the around how you can practice this as safely as
• 23:20
  you can, how to navigate the risks, like all of that kind of
• 23:23
  stuff. So we kind of created this
• 23:24
  trifecta of crafters, educators and content creators and, you
• 23:29
  know, amateur porn stars. And so it was nice that I was
• 23:33
  already on board with this because I just slid into the
• 23:36
  position of being the spokesperson for it.
• 23:38
  Because I think there's also a validity to it when you have an
• 23:41
  educator as a spokesperson, that there is a portion of trust that
• 23:45
  goes into it. Because people that have
• 23:47
  followed me for any amount of time have already heard me say,
• 23:50
  I'm not gonna lie to you about a product to sell you on it.
• 23:52
  I don't care if I work for the company or not because at my
• 23:54
  core, I'm an educator. I'm an educator first, an
• 23:57
  employee of a company second. If I lied to you just to get
• 24:01
  you, just to buy a product, I've got you for maybe that one time
• 24:04
  I maybe made one sale and you'd never trust me again.
• 24:08
  No, that's so true. Trust me again, and all for what
• 24:10
  1 sale like. And so I want people to have
• 24:12
  that kind of trust to like, here are these crafters that I am
• 24:16
  fully on board to talk about their products and the safety of
• 24:20
  their products. And I've seen the quality that
• 24:21
  they're made. Here are these content creators
• 24:23
  who I know are they're doing this ethically.
• 24:26
  They're not performing with people who haven't consented
• 24:28
  anything like that. And here are these educators,
• 24:31
  here's myself, other guest educators who are there to teach
• 24:34
  things that I not necessarily can't teach.
• 24:36
  I want to have them on there. Want to give people that ability
• 24:40
  to safely try things at home? I love it for so many reasons
• 24:43
  because to go back to one of your original points, let's not
• 24:46
  shame people who don't want to go out and learn these things in
• 24:48
  person and it goes. Back even to the coercion thing
• 24:51
  about like pressuring people to do things where it's like, you
• 24:53
  know, well, if you don't feel comfortable going into kink
• 24:55
  spaces, then why would you even practice kink?
• 24:57
  It's like because I don't have to practice kinking kink spaces
• 25:01
  to practice kink. I can be by myself or just me
• 25:04
  and my partner in my bedroom. It doesn't even involve the
• 25:07
  community at large. Why can I not learn how to do
• 25:10
  this safely? My thing is you can't shit on
• 25:13
  the community either. Yes, because people are going
• 25:15
  out to the community. It's that thing.
• 25:17
  There's no hierarchy here. How you practice and learn about
• 25:19
  kink as long as mine is consensual between adults and
• 25:22
  personally legal where you are. Because I want people to be
• 25:24
  safe. I don't want people to get
• 25:25
  arrested, although. Right.
• 25:27
  BDSM is illegal in Vegas where I live so even I I will cop to the
• 25:33
  hypocrisy of yes I let myself get spanked to the point of
• 25:35
  bruising in a place where it's illegal.
• 25:37
  But I just want to tell people like be aware of what your local
• 25:40
  laws are. Maybe don't go practice it in a
• 25:42
  state where you could get arrested, like here.
• 25:44
  And you're right about the like, you don't have to be part of the
• 25:46
  community, but you don't shit on it kind of thing.
• 25:48
  At the same time, if you're in the community and like you're
• 25:51
  very active in the community, don't ostracize people that
• 25:54
  don't feel comfortable yet. A lot of it is people kind of
• 25:57
  testing the waters. They're not ready to full blown
• 26:00
  jump into the they want to wade in and this is them testing the
• 26:04
  water. And if you make them feel
• 26:06
  welcome when they test that water, you have set the tone for
• 26:10
  the rest of their kink practices that you are like, look, it's
• 26:14
  all right. You don't have to go in in
• 26:16
  person. I will do my best to educate you
• 26:18
  this way as much as I can. And that may give them enough
• 26:22
  knowledge to feel like they can venture into spaces, to feel
• 26:26
  like they now know how to ask questions and can go to like
• 26:30
  events where they can and ask a panel of questions and, you
• 26:33
  know, things like that. I think Shop Quinky are so lucky
• 26:36
  to have you and I know you're part of it.
• 26:38
  So it's like you're lucky to have yourself, but like the
• 26:40
  following and dedicated followers that you have created
• 26:43
  by being this authentic version of yourself.
• 26:45
  I mean, that's like the best marketing Shop Quinky can have.
• 26:47
  It's like you have stuck to your guns from the start, like you
• 26:50
  said, and it pays off because people keep coming back because
• 26:54
  they know they can trust you. And because of that, now we know
• 26:56
  we can trust Shop Quinky too. I'm really lucky in that both of
• 27:01
  my bosses have repeatedly said the education is what is most
• 27:06
  important to us on that. Like, obviously we all got to
• 27:08
  make our, you know, got all make ends meet.
• 27:11
  We got to pay bills. Like you do have to sell the
• 27:14
  products, but like they don't restrict me because they see the
• 27:18
  value in it. I think the nicest compliment I
• 27:21
  ever got was from Mr. Pierre when somebody else asked him
• 27:25
  about what it was like working with me because I have such a
• 27:28
  big personality, because I have such a big following outside of
• 27:31
  being their spokesperson and their in house educator.
• 27:33
  And his sentence was, I learned a long time ago that you never
• 27:37
  try to hang on to a rocket or put a saddle on a Mustang.
• 27:41
  We clicked right off the bat. I mean, from what it looks like
• 27:44
  from the outside has allowed Chop Kwinky to even get a larger
• 27:47
  platform because we're also excited by just I love when I
• 27:51
  know you're going to beat up with him and there's going to be
• 27:53
  content about you being in the same room, like the donut
• 27:56
  content. What's really fun is that, like,
• 27:58
  it's performative in the way the word is doing funny stuff on
• 28:00
  camera, but like, it's not force.
• 28:02
  We like, you know, the camera cuts and we all still go out to
• 28:05
  eat afterwards. We all still are like hanging
• 28:08
  out afterwards. So what can we expect?
• 28:10
  I mean, you're, you're non-stop. I see that on social media.
• 28:13
  What can we expect in the next 6 months, nine months?
• 28:16
  Are you guys still fundraising? So we are still in the
• 28:19
  crowdfunding portion, although we're very close.
• 28:21
  Like we're now to the point where we have like weekly
• 28:23
  meetings where we like touch base on all the stuff that we're
• 28:25
  doing. What I'm preparing for has now
• 28:28
  like the conversations tilted into like, OK, so when we
• 28:30
  launch, you're going to need to do this and this and that.
• 28:33
  So like the conversations are like now starting to include a
• 28:36
  post crowdfunding world, which I'm like finally, and we've got
• 28:39
  interviewing for lead app developers and things like that.
• 28:42
  For myself, one of the things that we realized is that the
• 28:46
  Moxie University portion of this, there's no reason that
• 28:49
  this can't be a go right now. I'm already here, I can already
• 28:54
  do the thing. And if we have like packaged
• 28:56
  classes, that money can go towards the crowdfunding, I
• 28:59
  could help us get off the ground sooner by giving people those
• 29:03
  like packaged Moxie University, you know, classes.
• 29:05
  That's kind of what's going on for me behind the scenes is that
• 29:08
  I am preparing different courses that I want to teach that we're
• 29:12
  going to end up like selling access to as a means of like
• 29:15
  kind of speeding up the end of the crowdfunding.
• 29:18
  So is there a class you're most excited?
• 29:20
  About the one that I'm really excited about would be like the
• 29:23
  communications course. I could have an entire class on
• 29:27
  negotiations and what negotiations can look like and
• 29:30
  how to keep your negotiations from feeling very like cold and
• 29:33
  clinical like some people need that.
• 29:35
  They want it to feel that way so that it is very different from
• 29:38
  OK go time. This is now hit play and some
• 29:42
  people need it to feel intimate and raw and like all part of it
• 29:47
  so that you're kind of in that headspace and I want to be able
• 29:49
  to teach that for people. And then there's an entire
• 29:51
  course to be had on like agreements and, you know, yes,
• 29:55
  no, maybe lists and you know, compatibility lists.
• 29:57
  And then there's communicating in the moment with your partner
• 30:00
  and afterwards debriefing. What does that look like?
• 30:03
  How do you communicate your needs to your partner where you
• 30:05
  feel like you're being heard and they don't feel like they're
• 30:08
  being criticized or like picked apart in their performance?
• 30:11
  I like the idea of a communications course because of
• 30:14
  how many things can fit under it that are all really centerpieces
• 30:20
  to like the health of your practices.
• 30:22
  And you're, you know, there's a reason we call it rack risk
• 30:24
  aware, consensual kink. We already know there's a risk
• 30:27
  to what you do. I mean, there's a risk to just
• 30:29
  good old fashioned missionary sex, but there is a risk to it.
• 30:33
  That's why they tell you in the Viagra commercials to make sure
• 30:36
  that you are you check with your doctor to make sure you're
• 30:38
  healthy enough for sexual activity.
• 30:40
  There's a risk to everything you do.
• 30:41
  And so it becomes a like, how do we help you have the healthiest
• 30:45
  practice, the most fun because in the long run, all that
• 30:48
  exploring and you know, all the stuff that you got to get
• 30:50
  through, it should be fun. It should give you something.
• 30:53
  It should be this special thing for you that you look fondly on
• 30:58
  your kink practices, that you feel proud of them because they
• 31:02
  give you something in life. There's not like courses like,
• 31:06
  you know, you can't really get certified in kink the way they
• 31:09
  can get like certified in sexual education.
• 31:11
  There are courses you can take that definitely like help with
• 31:14
  it. You know, there, especially if
• 31:15
  you're like, going to school for like counseling, things like
• 31:17
  that, Like there's definitely those courses, but like, you're
• 31:19
  never going to be able to like, wave a master's degree in
• 31:22
  Shibari around. Like it just doesn't exist like
• 31:25
  that. It's built on the backs of the
• 31:27
  educators and the practitioners that came before you.
• 31:31
  And the idea of like, got it. OK, So that's a lesson that I
• 31:34
  learned. You who's coming up behind me?
• 31:36
  How do I help you avoid that 100?
• 31:38
  Percent. It's been trial by fire.
• 31:40
  A lot of times it's sort of like we've gone out, we've tried
• 31:43
  things, we've learned from it, like we all have to have our own
• 31:46
  life experiences. But also if I can help you this
• 31:47
  little bit, the way someone told me and I've found it's true.
• 31:50
  I've talked to so many people that like I've had the same
• 31:53
  things explained to me by multiple different people.
• 31:55
  It was just the way that this one person puts it that you're
• 31:58
  like, Oh my God, I get that. Made it click and all the like,
• 32:01
  the little metaphors that you come up with, they're like that,
• 32:04
  you know, the things that you're like, how do I make this connect
• 32:06
  in your head? Like, you know, the idea of
• 32:08
  collaring, I often compare it to a wedding ring for people.
• 32:12
  There are so many people that do not view it as a wedding ring
• 32:14
  that they, they want it separate from the idea of marriage.
• 32:17
  Totally get that For the people that are so in the dark about it
• 32:21
  that they just want some basic information.
• 32:23
  It's not my intention to like, well, it's not, it's not the
• 32:26
  same as a wedding ring, but it I'm like, look, you asked a
• 32:30
  question. All I'm trying to do is make it
• 32:31
  click in your head because even if it's not for you, it might
• 32:36
  make you a little more respectful of people who do do
• 32:38
  it because it's not such a foreign concept to you anymore.
• 32:41
  People fear what they don't understand.
• 32:43
  And so when you see things like a collar and we use collars as a
• 32:47
  term like like a dog collar and ownership.
• 32:50
  And so that kind of rings a little weird for people
• 32:54
  sometimes of like, I don't know how I feel about that.
• 32:56
  And instead of somebody meeting them where they're at to try to
• 33:00
  bring them up step by step and help them understand, they're
• 33:02
  just like you won't understand. And it's not people's
• 33:05
  responsibility to help them understand.
• 33:08
  As an educator, that is the responsibility I would like to
• 33:10
  take on is I do want to be the person that drops down to meet
• 33:14
  you where you are and goes, Think of this like this kind of
• 33:17
  bond that you have said that this is this person beyond
• 33:22
  everything else, beyond everybody else.
• 33:24
  This person is very special. Special in their own way to me,
• 33:28
  special in a unique way to me. This is not just a partner.
• 33:31
  This is different, this is deeper.
• 33:33
  And they kind of marriage is a concept that people understand.
• 33:37
  And so they're like, got it. And it gets them just a little
• 33:41
  further in the door because a lot of the ignorance around how
• 33:44
  people look down at the kink community is rooted in
• 33:48
  ignorance. It's rooted in not understanding
• 33:50
  things or just that, you know, it was portrayed in a certain
• 33:54
  way that in like a TV episode and made to be very like, oh,
• 33:58
  spooky and like, oh, that it's the bad guy.
• 34:01
  And so there's like a negative connotation to it.
• 34:03
  And like, it helps people realize that like, yeah, I'm a
• 34:07
  kink practitioner. I also am another mom on the
• 34:10
  freaking PTA. Like I volunteer with my kids
• 34:14
  school and I go on her field trip.
• 34:16
  I'm just another person in your community.
• 34:20
  This isn't the only community I belong to.
• 34:22
  I'm just a person. And so people getting that
• 34:25
  education, it helps humanize people that like we've already
• 34:29
  accepted the idea that there are some people that want to get
• 34:31
  married and there are some people that want to be like live
• 34:34
  in intimate, dedicated partners, but never actually get married.
• 34:37
  And we've totally accepted that concept.
• 34:40
  But then we get to, like, the collar.
• 34:41
  People are like, that's fucking weird.
• 34:43
  I'm like, why? I know.
• 34:45
  OK, I'm gonna go back to the beginning and you let me know
• 34:48
  where I lost you. This and you recently had to do
• 34:50
  that unrelated to collars with CNC.
• 34:53
  So many times, oh I will, I will educate on CNC.
• 34:57
  To adapt. I appreciate your dedication to
• 35:00
  the education of it. I feel like recently there were
• 35:03
  10 videos of people just you were like that poor math teacher
• 35:07
  who had to make sure every 4th grader understood the math
• 35:10
  problem and it was on labor love.
• 35:13
  There are probably some people that I feel like there's
• 35:16
  probably a good portion of people who ask questions kind of
• 35:19
  like almost out of bad faith, like playing the devil's
• 35:21
  advocate. They're not actually being
• 35:23
  purposefully obtuse because they just genuinely don't understand
• 35:27
  it. They're pushing those like, what
• 35:29
  about this, what about this? And it's like, you can go round
• 35:33
  for round, shot for shot with me and I'll do that to everybody
• 35:36
  else watching. They will see that this
• 35:38
  practice, when done right, when done ethically, is so solid that
• 35:43
  I can and will go shot for shot with you.
• 35:46
  And that is why I loved it so much and watched every single
• 35:50
  one of those videos because it's like, yes, to some of us, it's
• 35:53
  so freaking clear. It's hard to break it down at
• 35:55
  that level of how some of the comments were just stupid.
• 35:57
  But like, you went and you broke it down to such a level that you
• 36:01
  addressed it completely. So it was irrefutable.
• 36:03
  Like, once again, the consent. It did kill me, though, that
• 36:06
  people did not understand the consent part of it, the very
• 36:08
  foundation it was. Yeah, yes.
• 36:10
  And it's really, and, you know, and part of what I hope people
• 36:13
  get out of it is that, you know, there's the portion of people
• 36:15
  who are genuinely curious about CNC, whether they wish to
• 36:17
  practice it or not, that they just curious, just want to
• 36:20
  understand it. Totally fine.
• 36:21
  That's literally me as an educator.
• 36:23
  There's what what I took on. I am that person.
• 36:25
  But what I hope it does for people is help outside of the
• 36:29
  world, a kink outside of CNC. When you see something that is
• 36:33
  so heavy on the boundaries because of just the nature of
• 36:36
  it, that you really need to be clear about what is an act and
• 36:40
  what is like, what's within boundaries, that it makes people
• 36:44
  realize how good they can be with their boundaries, how
• 36:49
  standing on business they can be about their boundaries.
• 36:52
  Completely unrelated to that. So many people get taken for a
• 36:55
  ride by people who like, you know, pulling the strings on
• 36:58
  their consent a little bit and like making them think that that
• 37:01
  was actually your idea. Coercion.
• 37:03
  I'm going to make you think that this was your idea when it
• 37:05
  actually wasn't. And it's because of the strings
• 37:07
  that I pulled. And then you look at something
• 37:09
  like this that is so heavy on those boundaries, so heavy on
• 37:13
  that negotiation and where those lines are.
• 37:15
  I'm hoping that people see that and look at everything else and
• 37:18
  go, this isn't right. I'm not falling for that.
• 37:20
  Yes, my hope is that people are feel do feel stronger in their
• 37:24
  own boundaries and validated in having them because I think
• 37:27
  that's like a major struggle that I'm hoping the next
• 37:29
  generation doesn't deal with as much as at least I'm a child of
• 37:33
  the 80s. My boundaries always felt oh as
• 37:36
  long as they don't offend anybody else like then I can
• 37:38
  have boundaries. Saving face.
• 37:40
  You have to be nice to boys when you turn them down.
• 37:43
  And it was like, why? I mean, like, not really, No.
• 37:45
  Like my goal is to be rude. No, but it's also.
• 37:48
  I was never taught I'm a bisexual woman.
• 37:49
  I was never told to be careful about turning women down.
• 37:52
  No, look, I'm not looking to be rude to anybody.
• 37:54
  If you walk up and you're like, hey, I you're just respectful in
• 37:57
  your approach. I'm respectful right back.
• 37:59
  I appreciate it. Thank you very much.
• 38:00
  No, thank you. But like, you don't somebody
• 38:02
  being weird to you, somebody making you feel uncomfortable,
• 38:04
  you don't have to like laugh and placate them.
• 38:08
  Like Nope. I've actually put myself in more
• 38:10
  dangerous positions because of that, trying to placate people
• 38:13
  like in my longer years. Thank God it's something that I
• 38:16
  have done away with. But yeah, the type of education
• 38:19
  you do around those comments and see and see, it's very much like
• 38:22
  very clear. This is what a boundary is and
• 38:24
  it needs to be respected. All right, Moxie, I have had so
• 38:27
  much fun with you here. I am ecstatic.
• 38:30
  That is why I keep checking Shop Quinky.
• 38:32
  I have my secret risk of the special edition Quinky one with
• 38:35
  the measuring on it. I am so excited.
• 38:37
  Cannot wait for this to launch and to see all of your education
• 38:40
  and to hopefully be shopping on Shop Quinky ASAP.
• 38:43
  Thank you so much for joining Moxie.
• 38:45
  It has been such an honor to have you on.
• 38:48
  I really so excited that you agreed to come on.
• 38:51
  I'm so happy that you had me on. I'm honored.
• 38:53
  Thank you. Absolutely.
• 38:56
  If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
• 38:59
  a review, and share it with anyone who might find it
• 39:01
  interesting. And if you have any questions or
• 39:03
  topics you'd like me to cover in future episodes, feel free to
• 39:06
  reach out. e-mail info@thekingconsultant.com.
• 39:10
  Until next time, keep on kinking on.