Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Are You Protecting Yourself Or Avoiding Love? | S5 EP143

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Are You Protecting Yourself Or Avoiding Love? | S5 EP143 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is your optimistic.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, I did that one already.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is your host, HH Julius, or just Julius Marquise.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is a uh been a long summer.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm out of adjectives.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta think of some more.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Grab a thesaurus or something, and uh we'll do that there.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we have our next episode here on the notes app yeah, and uh we're gonna go into that.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: But before we do, once again, we have our ASMR five seconds.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, still drinking a little bit.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: What I had before, the green tea, great value.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I got a little bit left, and we're gonna start the ASMR five seconds in three, two, one.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: We only got a little bit left, so we can't do it that long.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully it lasted more than two seconds.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's what she said.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, this is another episode I have for y'all today, people, because I'm um on a kick with the social medias, so I've been paying attention to stuff.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, what we have here is another episode off of uh something that I'm pretty sure most people do.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're on the internet, you've heard of this before.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll not be surprised.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I wanted to do a little bit deeper dive, and it was very interesting when I read this kind of thing.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let's see, today's topic is the ick, or I like to call it trusting your gut.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll go into the differences here, and once again, I'll put the links from the articles that I got the notes from in the description.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling myself, future Julius, that we will do that.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're we're doing good.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so what is the ick and how does it apply to you, me, everyone else, you camsters out there, and then what we're gonna find out why it happens, when it happens, and how it feels when it happens.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: What does it mean when it happens?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so definition.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: We like to start with a definition because we like our labels and we like our definitions, and we like knowing what the words mean so we can learn more we can know more about ourselves.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, a sudden visceral feeling of disgust, cringe, or repulsion toward a romantic partner or crush, causing you to instantly lose attraction to them, which is rough when it comes early.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what she said.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, uh, small habits of behaviors that used to seem fine become unbearable deal breakers.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and do we know what this is?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: We have we've felt the ick before at this point.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do we know what we are talking about here when we're talking about the ick?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I hope y'all do, because I know I felt it.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Terrible.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: What exactly is the ick?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Negative feeling or reaction when you we develop toward the person we are dating.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, more so a visceral reaction to a habit, behavior, or personality trait.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: E okay, can cause us to have unpleasant reactions to the other person to the point that we start retracting from the relationship.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh boy, that's no good.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it is more of a reaction, it can happen quickly and may catch you off guard.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Where if you're having doubts in the relationship, the issues can feel like they have been lingering for a while.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Not good.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a very positive uh episode topic we have chosen here today, but I want y'all to know that you're not the only ones that have felt the ick.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people have.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now you know why.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh what what can we do about it?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, we'll we'll learn the answers to that question throughout this episode.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say at this point in the episode, oh man, I kind of felt it while making the notes, but yeah, it's reading it out loud again.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: This is rough, yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the ick.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So so bad.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because it really is just a reaction, and it comes out of nowhere, and it's like, oh why?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how common is the ick?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Back to the thing.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: The study also found that women were more likely than men to feel the ick, 75% to 57%.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think makes sense for women perfectionism and narcissism were more common.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: For men it was more linked to disgust sensitiv to disgust sensitivity and distaste for behaviors they perceived as socially trendy.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Fascinating.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean exactly?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: So narcissism and perfectionism were what icked women and behaviors they perceived as socially trendy, huh?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: So men will see women that act in the norm and then that gives them the ick.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I could I could kind of see that uh both sides.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Interesting.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: What behaviors be give people the ick?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Annoying speech patterns to typically to publicly embarrassing behaviors to poor fashion choices.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, ha ha I would probably be the fashion choice person.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: If y'all saw me in public, you're like, what is he wearing?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um examples when he laid his head on my shoulder.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, shazamming a song while he was in a nightclub wanting to know the song.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Jorts, yep, loudly slushed what he loudly shushed another girl.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Shushing somebody?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, okay.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: The sound of his feet slapping the floor, slapping the floor when he's when she spits her gum in the trash can like a guy, cringy captions on her Instagram pictures.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, cringy captions.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: What cringy captions?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I like cringy captions, that's funny.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, okay, so yeah, I'm doing all kinds of stuff.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: How do I have partners?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, typical women's x.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Heteronormatives, great.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if y'all don't know, I cause yeah, because it's funny as a gender fluid person, these women versus men stuff is like, uh, I agree with the women some more.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but not really when it comes to misogyny and um masculinity, because those are bullshit.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh okay, so women, too feminine, publicly embarrassing, annoying speech, faux pas, fashion faux pas, misogyny, overly focused on social media, physical appearance, too trendy, too trendy?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what the heck?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Too trendy.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, all right.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: So some of those, like, yeah, okay.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Publicly embarrassing.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I do comedy, I do publicly embarrassing stuff and laugh at myself all the time.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's fascinating.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so men.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing to the men?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Overly trendy.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: That was same too trendy, overly trendy.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Is that not similar?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, publicly embarrassing, okay.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh annoying speech.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I could see the knowing speech.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I want to say, I know for me, it's usually uh people's pitch, because the higher pitch one or like squirrel voices.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that stuff is uh very annoying.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, the higher octave ones are just like nails on a chalkboard, I'll tell you what.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Physical appearance, too masculine.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: When this is men's stuff, overly focused on social media and vanity.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's interesting.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, so a lot of half of those I kind of agree with, and the other half is just like it's not always just like a physical thing, it's more like just mmm, uh yeah, that the sound thing.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they didn't put smell on here either.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: The trendy uh stuff is interesting, too trendy, overly trendy.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's yeah, okay.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, hygiene wasn't on here either, which is interesting.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's all very interesting.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna say all interesting.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: But the physical appearance was on both physical appearance.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: What about hygiene?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Stinky people that sounded so judgy, but yeah, it's like there are certain smells you can't help.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: But then it's like there's certain smells, it's just like you gotta you just gotta take a shower more than most people.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's all there is to it, bud.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we get the ache?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Red and yellow flags, technically.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Can experience the ick app with observing a yellow red flag in a partner.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, yep, yep.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Signs to move forward with caution or to retract entirely, and it's important to listen to this gut instinct.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, this is why I was talking about the gut um part here, because yeah, you sometimes you gotta trust your gut, especially when it comes to narcissism.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Vain people?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-mm.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so um I know for me, I always question it when I feel the ick is like, uh sure.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I get you just gotta trust your gut sometimes.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Growing apart translates to a natural increase in emotional distance between you and your partner.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, sorry to say.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh start to view your partner as less fail favorable.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh easier to extradite yourselves from relationship than we that we assume is headed nowhere.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's where that gut comes in, people.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Is it your gut or is it a neck?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're gonna find out.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship's over, but it should be triggered, it should trigger us to re-evaluate.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, ooh, that when those rose-colored glasses come off, it's like, huh.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Huh, okay.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's what happened.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um means that some deeper analysis will be worth the time and efforts.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So when you get the ick, it's like, ooh, it's time to check ourselves.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully that doesn't happen too early, and you're not maybe it should happen earlier.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: When should the ick happen, really?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a glaring alarm, big old red flag, and you didn't see it for a little bit, it's like, is there a past the point of no return, or can you always go back and like fix it somehow?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so here we go.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: We go attachment styles.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, our favorite topic.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: When we avoid an attachment, when we struggle to avoid an attachment, getting close to someone and thinking about the possibility of a long-term secure relationship triggers our mind to find an opportunity to pull away from them.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, that's awesome.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Such a good feeling to have.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Reaction due to a fear of rejection or abandonment because an avoidant attachment style wants us to pull away before we can get hurt.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Fascinating.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you find yourself experiencing an ick repeatedly in relationships, there's a solid possibility that you may have an avoidant attachment style.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yay! Awesome.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh our style or attachment style indicates how we move through relationships and can ultimately impact our success or lack thereof in romantic relationships.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, awesome.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So great.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can you get past the ick?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's important to listen to that gut instinct and walk away.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, yeah.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so gut instinct, because it's a survival technique, okay?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we have.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: The gut instinct before we were cavemen in caves or roaming the plains, we had like noises in the bushes, we had animals trying to eat us, and there wasn't too much we could do about it.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: We had our sticks and we had our rocks, but that doesn't really stop them from eating us.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So we had to develop this gut instinct, and now in the modern times, you got so many people telling you, ah, keep going, it's fine.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Don't trust any of that.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to worry about bears and tigers in the woods because we live in houses with walls and stuff, and AC that works most of the time.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's one of those things where you like say trust your gut, but your gut's all messed up.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Switch over to something else because we ran out of tea.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, not sponsored.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so we have this going on, and it's like, huh, okay.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we've actually been trained not to trust our gut.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: So this is why we have the ick now.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now when you they call it an ick, but it's called your gut, really.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, let's see, slow down, communicate, and proceed with caution.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you start feeling the ick, rose-colored glasses are coming off, and now we have to think about what we want.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's important to hunker down and communicate with your partner about the trajectory of your relationship.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing here?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when they come off, we have to start thinking now.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, hmm, okay.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you can definitely get past the feeling of being radically transparent with your partner and yourself.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why aren't we doing that in general?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: How about we start doing that instead of uh not trusting our gut, uh whether we do or not, let's just start uh being transparent with your partner.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't we just start that way in the first place?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: It may be worthwhile to communicate it to them to see if it is something they are willing to work on or change.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: If they have like a horrible appearance, will they change it?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Stop wearing the jorts.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh important to address the underlying cost so you can find joy in healthy relationships.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so if you have a vain person and you tell them they're being vain, you'd be like, hey, you're being a little vain.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: How about we stop it?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Do we hmm will they change for us?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is interesting.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can do it together.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Fascinating thought.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Are there other genetic or medical conditions that might give clues on the ick?
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's find out.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Misophonia is a condition in which trigger sounds such as chewing or breathing provoke disproportionately strong involuntary feelings of anger, anxiety, and even intense rage, reactions that are orders of magnitude greater than the ink.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, uh they chewed gum loud.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I don't want to self-diagnose myself, but yeah, boy.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: If I get to a higher octave voice, it really is just like nope, I'm out.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: So bad.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um so glad I have not experienced that because yeah, that would not work.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like this is uh that's a form of uh misophonia.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's so bad.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, misokinesia differs from misophonia in that it deeply aversive reactions in that deeply aversive reactions are experienced when visually perceiving certain human movements.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so get the person got a weird walk or something like that.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So you've you're seeing it versus hearing it.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: These are genetic conditions.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Some people ooh, man, that's rough.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Studies show that trigger sounds and by extension trigger images elicit greatly exaggerated responses in an area of the brain called the anterior insular cortex.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh core hub of sensory signals providing information to our brain.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, yeah, so and it's triggered to our emotional state, which is no good.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have that, visually, oh probably want to get diagnosed with something at that point.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh talk to your doctor.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Uh exaggerated manifestation, homeostasis.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh home uh homeostatic error that misinterprets a sight or sound as something disgusting or inappropriate.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh sudden onset suggests an unconscious, rapid pattern matching in our brain between an observed behavior and a stored negative association.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, uh C.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Interpret that negative association as an incompatibility or red flag of a potential relationship.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is stuff telling us that maybe genetically something might be happening.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if it happened to you a lot over multiple times, maybe you have one of these things.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Again, consult a doctor.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: No doctors here, uh, no professionals, no license, no smart people.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, no degreed people.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say no no degrees of this stuff or certifications for now.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: So definitely get those checked out if that's a thing.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I know for me, it's really only in that one area, so I don't have too much to worry about.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, that'll be interesting.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: How does evolution, once again, interesting, how does evolution possibly factor into the ick?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you run into the the quality you've been trying to avoid, you can describe it as the ick.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but what if you see it physically?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Chewing gum could be something you're trying to avoid.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: You run into it, you're trying to Okay.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Interest.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, interesting again.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is a very interesting uh episode.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think happens in the brain when people experience the ick?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Part pair bonding in is a homeo homeostatic behavior because it it's evolutionary, conserved because oh my god, evolutionarily conserved because people in a stable pair bond live longer and are average or healthier.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, they have they've displayed that.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: You need people in order to live longer.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's very unhappy by yourself.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hypothalamus is in a position to take information that may be reflexive, like the ick, but put a cognitive interpretation on that experience.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, uh, we learn to put appropriate social societal interpretations on our sensory information.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: In a new relationship, it is a new experience, so we don't know what to expect yet, and it could be a little bit more prominent.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay, yeah.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-mm-mm.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Can the ick extend beyond romantic partners to friends and strangers?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Does seem to focus on romantic partners?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do people pay attention to their friends as much as their romantic partners?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because friends, I feel like you judge your friends less than you would a romantic partner.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a deeper level of trust and also just like deeper level of going on between your friends versus your partners.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, are your partners versus your friends?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm wondering that could be part of it.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Also, it's like a the pair bonding thing.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you most people want to procreate, so it's like, oh, these healthy genes need to be passed on, and I need to find somebody with healthy genes as well.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh goes to areas where it's just bad behavior if somebody's being abusive or overly sexist.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's just responding negatively to bad bullish behavior.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then if you get the ick with a friend, you're probably just not going to cancel the friendship like you would with a potential romantic relationship.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think it's that pair bonding thing versus um just a friend.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Would you want a friend that chews loudly though?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: There are some of them, oh man, people that chew with their mouths open.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'd tell you, mmm.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's not even like an ick, that's just annoying.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I could yeah, I want to leave rooms with people that just chew with their mouths open, which is pretty prominent in some cultures.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, don't do that.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Chew with your mouth closed, so gross.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, can long-time romantic partners develop the ick with each other?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh can evolve into a qu into a quirk or character of that person.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: So they found that the longer you wait, longer it takes for you to experience the ick behavior, the more likely you just think it's an interesting quirk.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um kind of becomes endearing.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, that's uh coping with it is to recognize that this is a part of that who that person is, it becomes an extra endearing quality.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh oxytocin and dopamine play an important stabilizing role and probably offset the severity of the ick.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the interesting part is if you make it past your ick and you start liking the person, aka experiencing oxytocin more so than just the dopamine, because we know that's like the hookup drug, uh, you uh start to think it's an endearing quality of theirs.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I found that fascinating when I started reading this, uh reading, reading this, taking notes for this uh episode.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a uh bright shiny lining at the end of the tunnel.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: There is that eventually, if you go through the ick enough, you might end up liking somebody.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's an endearing quality.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: So wow.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh is the ick a good defense mechanism or does it prevent people from finding love?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Final question.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: We actually got to the end of the notes.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: Shocking.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let little icks, like each of these individuals, turn you off.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what does that say?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let little icks that each of these individuals' exhibit turn you off.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or does it prevent people from finding love?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's at the beginning.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Uh okay, and then putting yourself in a box until you find the perfect person.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so I guess that's a defensive mechanism.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: We'll say that.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Defensive mechanism versus preventing defensive mechanism.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: I would say that one.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so first of all, hold on, let's go back to the beginning.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let little icks that that each of these individuals exhibit turn you off.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Is that a defense mechanism or if it vents you?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: You have to figure out for yourself.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna answer the question for you, campsters.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta figure that out.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and then putting yourself in a box until you find the perfect person.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Some people do that.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's called not settling, which is an interesting concept with people.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: So not settling versus not finding being single.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Being single and not settling versus finding a partner.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: What are we doing here?
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, because there's a concept that yes, people have their icks, but you know what?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're just being too picky and too judgy.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like you can turn off and on the icks too.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, we figure that out during this episode.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I feel though.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're just being a little too judgy.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: How about that?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's a personality quirk.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then there's no room for personal growth when you put yourself in a box like this.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh uh.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, there we go.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Be more open-minded and open to new experiences and differences between people in order to grow.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we actually got to the end of the notes.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: Shocking, I finally did it.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so yeah, do I gave my answer before it was actually done.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I believe people have icks, and you should trust your gut.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a glaring red flag, then probably not continue to talk to that person.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: So you know that um that that's a danger warning signal.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Figure out if it's a yellow flag or not, and then if you continue to stick around, eventually it'll turn into personality quirk.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you do like that person, just turn that judgment meter down, and then um we'll see how it goes.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully, I answered your question about icks and what they are and where they come from, and you can find you a romantic partner or mini, like I do.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, that's it for now.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is Around the Kiki Campfire, new uh audio episodes on Thursday for the most part, and video episodes most of the time on Fridays.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Go check those out.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have any questions or comments, feel free to hit me up on the social medias and the email.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Got a couple people asking to do guest stuff, and I'm wondering if I was wanting to do this uh solo podcast.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, I'm also a co-host of Smut Lovers the Podcast.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Go check that out on our where podcasts are distributed, and I do it with my lovely co-host, Delilah Belvedere.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: She's got a book coming out.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all should check that out too.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um maybe we'll do some guests on there, just letting y'all know.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like I should just keep doing this one by myself.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all let me know in the comments if I should keep doing this by myself or bring guests on.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: I like my returning guests, like Shannon Elliott, she's a good friend, uh, IRLN on here, and I like our banter, so I might just like spot pick people and then like bring my crap with me, and then we'll do episodes like that.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: But let me know in the uh messages or the emails what y'all think.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now, and this is Ronald King Can't Fire.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't say bye.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Hello.