Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / The Superwoman Trap: Why Black Women Are Burnt Out & How to Truly Thrive

Transcript

The Superwoman Trap: Why Black Women Are Burnt Out & How to Truly Thrive · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

0:27
Stay tuned for a preview of the new rise and thrive video, the
0:31
singles available on all major platforms.
0:33
Good morning and welcome to Rise and Thrive with Doctor J Nicole,
0:37
where we are rising in faith and thriving a purpose.
0:40
Today I am joined by a dynamic duo that you may know by their
0:45
platform wives and wine. So for those who don't know you,
0:50
go ahead and introduce yourselves if they're meeting
0:52
you for the first time, and maybe just like reminding people
0:54
of who you are if they do know. Well, I am Ariana Gordon Ozaday.
0:58
I go by Yana usually and I am the CEO of Wives and Wine.
1:04
And I'm feddling Crowell. I go by Fed and I'm the CEO of
1:08
Wives and Wine. All right, come on.
1:11
See, sweet Milton. So tell us about how the two of
1:14
you met and what's what inspired you to create this platform.
1:19
We. Actually met through our
1:20
husbands. Her husband played on my
1:23
husband's semi Pro Football team and yeah, we kind of came over.
1:28
We were having a cookout it. Was very me.
1:30
Cute. Yeah, We were having a cookout.
1:33
She came over and yeah, I think I feel like after that it's just
1:38
been, we just been rolling. Yeah, we.
1:41
Were working with the football team and we had like a little
1:44
wives and girlfriends club within the, the football arena
1:49
and, you know, we just really worked really well together and
1:53
we've just had a really good friendship ever since and.
1:57
How long ago was that? Oh gosh.
2:01
It's been probably about 10. Years.
2:03
Yeah, I love that. So y'all really are real ones.
2:08
Yeah. Well, like this is the
2:10
friendship is real, this the basis is real.
2:12
So yeah. And I mean, I think for us it
2:15
worked really well because we also like really respect each
2:17
other as like partners. And so it's really helped us.
2:20
Like we are definitely the yin to the Yang when it comes to all
2:25
of the work efforts and all of that.
2:27
So it works really well. Awesome, so it sounds like
2:30
before there was Wives and Wine, you all were already doing
2:34
events with the other wives with the Pro League.
2:39
Tell me a little bit more about that.
2:40
We have little get togethers. It wasn't like necessarily as
2:43
organized and like put together as we do now.
2:47
Right now it's more very curated events where we're working with,
2:52
you know, other organizations or even we when we do our own, it's
2:55
really like very intentional our time with the Football League.
3:00
You know, we would have get togethers and have like little
3:02
meet ups so that the wives could get to know each other and you
3:06
know who they knew who we were and how we could help in any way
3:10
and just kind of being a support system for each other within the
3:13
league. Love that.
3:17
So talk to us a little bit about the inception of Wise and Wives
3:21
and Wine and what you were seeing in the lives of women
3:24
around you that made you feel like that it was necessary.
3:27
Well, I think it was more So what was going on in our lives.
3:31
OK. So we, you know, I, she's, she's
3:35
a mom. I'm a mom.
3:36
We're both wives. And, you know, the
3:38
responsibilities that come with those duties, those titles and
3:43
my kids were relatively younger and it was, you know, and being
3:48
that we do have that friendship, I think she recognized that I
3:51
needed the break. I didn't necessarily see it for
3:55
myself, but I did at the same time.
3:57
But, you know, there was this thing of mom guilt and not
4:01
wanting to leave the baby. The house is going to catch fire
4:04
because if I leave my husband to tend to.
4:06
So it was, it was just the thing.
4:08
It was just a thing of OK, no, you need to take this.
4:12
We're going, we're going. So we took off to
4:17
Charlottesville for a girls weekend, did some winery tours.
4:22
I was gonna say that's where the wine kicked in.
4:23
That's what I did the first time I went to Charlottesville.
4:25
Before Charlottesville, exactly, yes.
4:28
Yes. Yes.
4:29
Yeah, so we did the winery tours, had some really great
4:32
food. We just had like a little girls
4:35
slumber party, just the two of us.
4:37
It's three. Yes, I'm sorry.
4:39
We brought my my my Yorkie with us.
4:42
OK, I was like, did somebody have a bun in the oven?
4:45
And only one was whining, right? And only one, you know?
4:49
So y'all went to Charlottesville, had the
4:50
getaway? Yeah, so we did that.
4:53
And just on the drive back, it was just kind of like, well,
4:56
that was that was a really good weekend.
4:58
Like, wow, we needed that. And it was just kind of like,
5:01
you know, we just kind of asked ourselves or asked each other,
5:04
like, how many other women are in that same boat where they're
5:08
needing that escape, needing that WOOSA moment.
5:11
And, yeah, don't have the community to help them bring
5:15
that to life. Enter Wise and Wine.
5:18
And yeah, we're just all about trying to create those spaces
5:23
and build that community for women like us who look like us
5:28
or not, because we're we're definitely not inclusive.
5:31
But for sure the intention behind it was for millennial
5:35
women of color to have a space that we can call our own to take
5:40
off the mom hat, take off the wife hat and just be girls.
5:44
Because at the end of the day, you know, before before we had
5:48
before we took on anybody else's last name, I was feddling.
5:51
She was Ariana. And we were just girls.
5:54
So just being able to create that space for us and for other
5:59
women like us who's looking for that, that's what we're, that's
6:02
what we're building. So being able I.
6:04
Love that? Say that again.
6:08
I said it's being inclusive and not exclusive.
6:10
We, you know, and we, we understand too.
6:13
Like there are women who aren't wives who still need that space.
6:16
You know what I mean? And while we do cater to and
6:19
understand it from a wives point of view, we definitely know that
6:24
women as a whole sometimes need the space to breathe with if
6:28
that's you like, yeah, you're still welcome.
6:30
Like come on with it as. Long as the vibes are vibing and
6:33
the strategies where it needs to be.
6:35
That's it. We're.
6:36
Good. And at the end of the day, the
6:37
day, people are wives in training and they may be taking
6:41
on some of these other roles that come with being a wife,
6:44
other responsibilities that come with being a wife.
6:47
So there is that common ground aside from that title, the
6:51
institution, if you will. So let's get into that a little
6:54
bit more and talk about the reality of women doing it all.
6:58
Many women today are balancing careers, relationships, family,
7:01
and personal goals. From what you've seen in your
7:03
community, what are women quietly struggling with the
7:06
most? Finding balance.
7:08
This. Thing, you know, often times
7:11
like the kids or the spouse, they really become life, right
7:16
So when someone asks you what do you what do you do for fun and
7:20
you're kind of like drawing a blank like that was me.
7:25
So that was my kind of like, OK, let me go find you some business
7:30
and like find something to do that's for me, you know?
7:34
And that's not to say like you shouldn't love your family or
7:36
like your spouse, of course, of course, you know, but you have
7:40
to love you too, so. Absolutely.
7:43
Big, you know. And I.
7:44
Think I love that you said that because I'm a firm believing of
7:48
minding your business in addition to like obviously doing
7:52
the other things right, But a lot of people do everything else
7:56
mind everyone else's business and there's little to no time to
7:59
mind your own correct? And in doing that and taking
8:02
that time for us, we actually, you know, we show up better for
8:06
those in our lives that we want to care for and love on, You
8:10
know, if you're not, if you're not your full self and if you're
8:13
running on empty, what could you possibly truly have to give to
8:16
somebody else, you know, so. Struggle, love, right?
8:21
And sometimes that can leave wounds and scars with people you
8:26
really love. But when you're overextended,
8:29
overcommitted, have the best of intentions, but then miss the
8:33
mark, right? Like that doesn't leave you
8:35
feeling good, and it doesn't feel good to the people that you
8:38
love or they're the people that you're intending to show up.
8:40
For exactly. So that's why it's so important
8:43
to pour into yourselves. And I love that you all figure
8:46
that out organically by just saying, well, one saw it in a
8:49
friend. And it's like, well, we both
8:50
gonna go, right? And like, sometimes it does take
8:53
someone from the outside who knows us enough to say, hey,
8:58
something's off. Because it's easy enough.
9:02
You know what I mean? Because.
9:02
Yes. I play that love of like, hey,
9:05
friend, like are you good? Are you OK?
9:07
Like do we need to take a a second to woo sod out like that
9:12
I think is crucial too. And then that same love and care
9:15
we really bring into our community as well, because it's
9:17
not just like, hey, show for this.
9:19
It's really cool. It's like, how are you doing?
9:22
Like how do you feel? Like are you good?
9:24
A true check in, yeah. Yes.
9:26
And I think so many people are used to adapting to their
9:30
environments that they have no idea.
9:33
And some people are even operating in survival mode and
9:36
don't even recognize that they've kicked into that.
9:38
Right? Because I believe as Black
9:41
women, we've always learned how to figure it out.
9:43
We've had all these strong examples and that this is just
9:46
what we do. And when you don't even know
9:48
that, you've shifted into that because, like, depending on how
9:51
you're raised and if you were raised with more traditional
9:53
values, it says you show up for your family and you come last.
9:57
And that form doesn't always work, at least not in modern
10:01
society. And it shouldn't, because we're
10:03
people too. We're multicast.
10:05
We are humans. And you know, we need to be a
10:08
part of the conversation as well.
10:09
Absolutely. So when women gather in your
10:12
spaces or attend your events, what types of conversations
10:15
start happening once people feel safe enough to really be honest?
10:18
Gosh. You know it it, it ranges, it
10:21
ranges from the, you know, it goes from like the kids getting
10:26
on your nerves, husband getting on your nerves.
10:31
The am I crazy moments? Yeah, this happened.
10:33
Am I crazy? Right, Right.
10:36
You know, and yeah, just just relatable stuff like, hey,
10:41
because, you know, we're of a certain age now, like.
10:44
God. Like this is.
10:47
Happening. I don't know what that mean,
10:49
right? Nobody knows what that means.
10:54
Because our certain age looks very different from our parents
10:57
certain age. But.
10:58
Just just in the sense of different things that are
11:01
happening. Like for me, for instance, up
11:03
until like about maybe three years ago, I didn't even know
11:08
what the hell perimenopause. Was OK because that wasn't your
11:11
business yet. Because that wasn't my business.
11:14
But you know, when it became my business, I didn't know it was
11:16
my business. I'm just like and then wanted to
11:18
be. What is this?
11:20
Now you know, so being able to have that space where it just
11:23
like this is this is happening to me, is this happening to you
11:26
too? And having conversation around
11:28
that and maybe Google in the scene, what's what's really
11:31
going on, you know? What do these symptoms mean?
11:34
Exactly. So yeah, so like the
11:36
conversation is definitely very yeah, you know, from like just
11:40
the just mental checks like soundboard type situation.
11:45
This girl, let me just down this glass and tell you about fill in
11:51
the right. You know, our very first launch
11:55
event that we did February of last year, we were very
11:59
intentional with inviting 10 women that we knew were wives,
12:05
were moms who were in our similar age bracket and we
12:08
invited them to brunch. We kind of wanted to do a little
12:11
bit of a test launch to kind of see interest and all of that.
12:15
And when they got there, I was very intentional with the
12:18
seating because I was like, I want to start creating those
12:20
conversations. So I sat one woman who had two
12:25
women who had young kids and they were each married.
12:28
One was black Hispanic, one was African American.
12:32
And they were both married. Like the one who was African
12:34
American was married to a black Hispanic.
12:36
And the one who was so OK, I knew that they would have good
12:40
conversation, you know, And I was like, oh, and then she has
12:43
kids that are your kids age and blah, blah, blah, blah.
12:44
And like, as I'm seating them, I'm kind of having that kind of
12:47
introductory moment of so like, I think you guys would have this
12:51
in common because I wanted to start to build that framework,
12:54
those, those conversations, you know, that community of like,
12:58
oh, well, we can talk about this.
13:00
And when I say it was beautiful for us to look around the room
13:03
and see people just like having their own little conversations
13:06
at different parts. Like we were still, you know,
13:09
together and we would play little games and everything.
13:11
But even though they're like eating their brunch and they're
13:13
like chit chatting, like they'd known each other for a while.
13:18
So moments like that is wonderful to see.
13:22
And it really kind of speaks to what we're trying to create
13:24
because it's more than just you show up and you eat your food
13:28
and you go home. But you make the connections,
13:30
you talk to the people you, you know, see what other people have
13:33
to say, see some of their life experiences, see if they match
13:35
up with your life experiences. OK, cool.
13:37
Like let's talk again at some point.
13:39
So yeah, that's that's been awesome for us.
13:42
And for me, and maybe for you, too, I think there's no better
13:46
feeling then through the event, somebody did walk away saying I
13:51
really needed this, You know, it just.
13:54
Yeah, like. Yeah, yeah.
13:56
And we had that this last event. We had it.
13:58
We had. It it was a how many weeks ago?
14:00
It was pretty recent. Yes, it was end of February.
14:04
Yeah, one of the girls who attended, she actually got
14:06
emotional and she's like, you have no idea how much I needed
14:10
today and like to hear that. Like it really strikes a chord.
14:14
And you're like, OK, we're doing, we're on the right place.
14:18
We're doing something. Yeah.
14:19
Cool. Yeah.
14:20
And what I'm hearing is that one, you're creating a safe
14:23
space 2. It's a space that they can come
14:26
into and all they have to do is mind their business and be
14:28
themselves. And hopefully everything is in
14:30
place and they're not constantly having to check their phones,
14:33
right? But also just creating this
14:35
environment that lets people know that this is a community
14:39
where you're not alone, you're not going to be judged because
14:42
so many other spaces in life tell women you have to be a mom
14:46
or a wife or and this was an and space, but A and you get a
14:51
break, right? Yeah, yeah, Love that the.
14:54
Space where for however long you're here, you as a woman are
14:59
on that front burner and everything else is a back
15:02
burner. So, you know, let's let's let
15:04
you sit swimmer for a little bit while everything else kind of,
15:09
you know, takes a seat. And it'll be OK.
15:11
Yeah, quick pause. I've been loving Canvas Beauty,
15:15
a black woman owned brand all about confidence and self-care.
15:18
Shop Canvas Beauty brand.com/genie Three and use
15:23
Code Genie 3 to say now back to rise and thrive.
15:28
So one of the things for today's conversation is about not losing
15:32
yourself while being everything to everyone.
15:34
How have you seen women lose parts of themselves in
15:37
relationships or responsibilities?
15:40
Yes, we have seen women lose themselves.
15:43
You know, the woman that I just referenced to, you know, got a
15:47
little emotional, have seen instances where she's had to
15:52
really dig deep as a woman to overcome things.
15:56
And I think that goes for all of us.
15:58
We've had moments where it's like, OK, like this is this is
16:02
testing me like on so many levels.
16:05
And I feel a little lost in who I am and what I'm going to the
16:12
table because I'm so focused on all of the things I need to
16:15
check off the list. And so yes, it's just another
16:21
reason why we're here, like another reason why we feel like
16:24
this is so necessary because it's so easy to, like we talked
16:29
about before, kind of put yourself in the back burner and
16:32
let everything else cook. And you, you all in pots with
16:36
everything else. And you got your stuff back
16:38
there burning because you haven't checked on it in 30
16:42
minutes while you cooking everything else.
16:44
You know, we, we, we want it. We want a simmer too.
16:46
We want to, we want to get in there and make sure we cook it
16:48
as well as. Yeah.
16:50
We're not overcooked, honestly. You know, I I was definitely at
16:56
a point where it was just all about my kids and my husband
17:02
just that was it was just wife and mommy.
17:05
That was no, that was the life. And it was just like, OK, well,
17:08
where do you fit into this equation?
17:10
You know, so and again, love, I love my family dearly, but I was
17:16
definitely neglecting me. So for sure that hits home for
17:21
me because, you know, and we've been married going on 17 years
17:25
now. That's amazing.
17:27
So. So yeah.
17:29
Thank you. So, yeah, so and, you know,
17:32
being married so young and still trying to learn what marriage is
17:37
and how, you know, just how to navigate that space and not
17:42
really having that, you know, blueprint of what it's supposed
17:46
to look like, but also having the blueprint of what it should
17:50
look like. OK, You're supposed to be
17:53
everything for everybody. That done, you know, seeing my
17:57
mom, you know, God rest her soul, you know, just be in this
18:01
place, be in that place like every every time you turn
18:05
around, like just doing something and never finding that
18:07
rest. I thought it was Admiral because
18:10
it's like, wow, she's just, you know, she's helping everybody.
18:13
This is so amazing. But at, you know, at that, at my
18:16
the young age of whatever, just not realizing like him, she
18:21
never takes time for her and not realizing the importance of
18:25
that, but just seeing just how amazing she was that doing it
18:29
all and feeling like that's what I'm supposed to do.
18:32
So that's what I took into my relationship and my marriage and
18:36
all the things. So it was just kind of like
18:38
after a while, I just kind of stopped.
18:40
Like, you know, maybe maybe this isn't what is supposed to be
18:44
like. How is she doing?
18:45
She got tired. Exactly.
18:51
And so I love that you went there because I was going to ask
18:54
like, who were the archetypes or where did you learn what you
18:58
thought and meant to be a wife and a mother, right.
19:01
And so you gave that example of your mom and I was going to ask
19:05
like, what did it look like for your mom to take care of
19:07
yourself? You just said it.
19:09
Baby was tired. She just never said anything.
19:11
And I think that just speaks historically, I think about a
19:15
lot of women, but we're going to focus particularly on the black
19:18
woman, right? Like anywhere in the diaspora,
19:21
anywhere in our diaspora, right? Like the women get it done and
19:27
it's exhausting. It's.
19:29
Also a little bit problematic right when you think about
19:31
because this habit that we have of glorifying the superwoman of
19:39
it all. And not turn my Cape in a long
19:42
time ago. Listen then like this we don't
19:46
understand. Like that's toxic sometimes.
19:50
Yes. You know, but it's like, oh,
19:52
she's Superwoman. She got she can handle it all.
19:54
She got it like she's she's going to get it done.
19:56
And it's like, but at the at the.
19:59
Expense at what expense? Yes.
20:01
Like at some point you're going to burn out, you're going to be
20:04
resentful, you're going to just shut down.
20:07
Like you're just, it's not sustainable for anyone.
20:11
And you don't see, sorry, but you don't see men out here
20:13
talking about Superman, OK? Like you don't see them out
20:16
here. Like they can do it all.
20:17
Like why is it that we glorify it to the point where we feel
20:22
like that's the standard that we have to reach all the time?
20:26
Like we don't have a chance to take a break or breathe or
20:30
whatever like that Superwoman complex is.
20:33
It's real. Unhealthy.
20:35
And it's been studied like research has been done on it and
20:38
particularly on the black Superwoman schema, right?
20:41
And but then I think we also need to think about who's in the
20:45
audience, who's sharing it on, who's reinforcing it.
20:48
And I think that's one of those things that people before maybe
20:51
didn't stop to look at as much as this is way the way it needed
20:55
to be. And I do believe I am one of
20:57
those people. Y'all like I can always like
20:59
draw some connection to slavery. I'm one of those people, I'll be
21:01
honest, right? And so it was a mechanism of
21:04
survival, right? Because men in well families,
21:09
entire families are being split. And then women were taking on
21:12
things when we could learn to be like less threatening.
21:14
And so they would teach survival, right?
21:17
And so This is why I think in our community we hear that.
21:21
How does it go? We love our sons and raise our
21:24
daughters. So we have a different criteria
21:29
and standard for the women, even though traditionally men are
21:33
supposed to lead and especially if you are like Christian or
21:37
traditional, you subscribe to that, right?
21:39
But when we're protecting and loving the Son, are we preparing
21:43
him to be a leader in this world and to lead his family, right?
21:47
And even amongst his peer group. So it's a thing that's kind of
21:51
upside down that leads to the Black woman overextending,
21:56
overcompensating, just over performing.
21:59
And we get it. But is that necessary?
22:05
Right. Yeah.
22:07
Is it sustainable? And that that's the one.
22:11
And So what happens is that I think over history of the course
22:14
of history, we've seen black women, we always seem to rise.
22:20
They move the bar somehow we still there or we're pushing, we
22:24
put in the battery and somebody back or we open the door, made a
22:27
connection and we're there. So this is where I think it gets
22:31
reinforced unintentionally by because we, we're just amazing.
22:35
We're magical and so right. And as a result of that, so like
22:40
people, they get a, a inappropriate, unbalanced view
22:45
of what we can do because it's like anyone else, they would
22:48
have like how they, they would have died, for lack of a better
22:52
word, not literally, but you get what I'm saying, right?
22:54
Like they would not have been able to keep up or they would
22:57
have given up or they would have broken down.
23:00
And still we rise. And it's one of those things
23:03
that's it's like a gift and a burden.
23:05
For sure. And I love that we are looking
23:09
at that more now to say, hey, that don't feel good.
23:12
I don't like that. I want to be here, I there.
23:16
There needs to be balance and I want to enjoy my life.
23:21
Yes, heavy on that now. Especially have.
23:24
Gotten older and we have more of that time to breathe a little
23:29
bit and still understanding when we were at that point where we
23:34
had to have the kids under foot and like dealing with all of
23:37
that. It's, it's great to continue to
23:42
just try and do for us as much as we can throughout all of it
23:47
because like, you know, you're a better human when you take time
23:51
for yourself. You're better for everybody else
23:53
in your life when you when you do for you first.
23:56
Yes, and I love that you've created a community to let women
24:01
know you don't have to feel guilty, right?
24:03
That part, yeah. Yeah, I'm and I think that's so
24:06
important because you give people permission to love on
24:09
themselves and take care of themselves and that it's an and
24:13
and not an or. Right.
24:14
Yeah. So was there a moment in either
24:18
of your lives where you realize that you had to reconnect with
24:21
who you were outside of the roles that you play?
24:24
I think we touched on that a little bit a little earlier, but
24:27
basically for me, it was when I looked around and realized every
24:35
single aspect of my life was connected to the schedules of my
24:40
husband and my son. OK.
24:43
And you know, I'm a very type A person in terms of like I have
24:48
calendars everywhere. Like I'm very scheduled out for
24:51
the most part. And every month I do calendar on
24:55
in my kitchen, like on the on the door.
24:57
And it's basically like a big whiteboard calendar and just has
25:01
everybody's everything every month on it.
25:04
And I take the time, take like 15 minutes a month and like
25:07
really just write it out so everybody knows where everybody
25:09
is. There's no questions.
25:11
And I remember one month like, I'm filling out this calendar
25:13
and I'm like, OK, this is his stuff.
25:15
This is my son's stuff. His and his and his and where's
25:18
the? Her I was like, OK, so that goes
25:21
back to me finding myself some business, right?
25:23
And like trying to figure out what I can do for me so I can be
25:28
on that calendar too when I'm super busy and I have my stuff
25:31
going on and I can be like, I'm so sorry I got blah, blah, blah
25:33
that day. And let me tell you, wives and
25:36
one has definitely filled in the calendar.
25:39
Absolutely, absolutely. And I think minding your
25:43
business is how we were even able to meet on a random Tuesday
25:46
night or Wednesday. What day of the week was that?
25:49
And out there by myself, like, you know what?
25:52
Yeah. Come out here and meet the
25:53
peoples you know and friend of a friend.
25:56
I'm like. I love it.
25:57
Yeah. Yeah.
25:58
What about you? I will have to agree as far as
26:04
wires and wine definitely filling the calendar because
26:10
yeah, me, I'm a homebody for the most part.
26:12
So it's just like, you know, but even when I'm home, it's not
26:16
like I'm just home minding my business.
26:19
It's I'm home trying to figure out everybody else's stuff, you
26:22
know. So this is definitely giving me
26:25
we are both and busy love. That.
26:29
And what I can appreciate even with this new dynamic is my
26:33
husband, he's been super supportive as far as, OK, what
26:37
you got going on today, which, you know, like just, you know,
26:40
not because change, change like that can sometimes bring
26:44
friction. It can.
26:47
And so, and I think we both have amazing partners in that aspect
26:51
where it's like, OK, you got this, go and do it.
26:54
And I got the kids like, yeah, say less like I, I can, I can
26:58
appreciate that because it's like it for me.
27:02
It takes a little bit of pressure off not having to like
27:06
leave the house and feeling like, man, you know what I mean?
27:09
And mom guilty. Yeah, right.
27:12
So even though I think I've, I've grown a lot from mom guilt,
27:17
it definitely still from time to time creeps up on because I do
27:22
want to be there for my family. I, you know, I absolutely want
27:25
to make myself available to them, but I also know that I
27:28
need to make myself available for me.
27:30
Yes. So, yeah, but you know, having a
27:33
partner that you know that's in a space where they get that and
27:37
can support you and stand, stand with you on that is very, very
27:42
encouraging over. The years they've had their
27:45
hobbies and their vocations and their loves and still yes, and
27:50
we have been there every step of the way.
27:52
So it's so refreshing to have partners that get that And
27:56
they're like, you know what, like I see the growth, I see the
28:00
love, I see the passion doing this.
28:02
Like, how can we support? How can we help?
28:05
What do you need? You know, and you know, she
28:07
spoke about her as like with me, I actually was talking to him as
28:11
I'm like preparing for the interview today.
28:13
I was like, and I'm kind of running through some of the
28:16
questions with him just to get his thoughts on stuff.
28:18
And we're talking about work and what that looks like and how you
28:22
show up to support your partner and all of that.
28:24
And I'm just like, he's like, yeah, when you guys started
28:27
this, I was so excited. He's like, I feel like it's, it
28:30
makes like that attraction to your partner even stronger
28:34
because they are working on and doing and it's awesome, you
28:37
know, and however we can help like he's crazy because you
28:40
know, like Texas things like, Hey, have you heard of this and.
28:43
Do you want to? Try this and I was just
28:46
wondering if you you saw and I'm just like bro.
28:49
I love the investment. Make some content Right, right,
28:53
right. He's.
28:53
Very like he's invested in our everything, like he's like ready
28:58
to be like, can I be like how how you need me?
29:00
You want me to make some kind of yeah, that's your bad, let's do
29:03
so. It's so dope to have that as a
29:07
part of like our team. You know what I mean?
29:09
Like it's us, but it's like they're that extension of us
29:13
that keep us. Absolutely keep us.
29:15
Going sometime because Lord knows someday, just like OK all
29:19
right, we got to get through We got to make it through.
29:21
We got what do what do. OK All right, we go.
29:24
You got this back. OK, great.
29:25
I'm gonna go do that so. And my my son is in college now,
29:29
so he's OK. I'm doing his thing so.
29:33
So. You want a different type of
29:35
time. You know, you know, it's it's a
29:38
little easier now for me to get up and do whatever, but it's
29:43
still like, for example, he's home for spring break this week.
29:45
So I'm still like conscious of, OK, we went to brunch for my
29:48
birthday and so like had to do that this morning.
29:51
Happy. Birthday.
29:52
Like a week, but he's here now. So that's why we're celebrating
29:55
now. But you know, like just being
29:57
conscious of still having that family time and, and doing all
30:01
of that while still making sure that I'm doing the things for
30:04
me. And I'd love to hear that the
30:06
both of you have that support because there are so many women
30:09
who maybe they've taken all these roles early like the two
30:13
of you've described, but they they're roaming it to themselves
30:16
more. And then like your sons going to
30:19
college. So that means you have more time
30:20
to explore and do things and maybe focus on you.
30:23
And sometimes not every relationship or marriage can
30:28
accommodate that or partners might struggle to adapt to that.
30:32
So to hear that you have a partner that not only supports
30:35
you, they contribute because you can support, but not like boost
30:39
or be like the wind beneath your wings, as the old song says, you
30:43
know, but like, so I, I really love to hear that because there
30:46
are some people who are struggling for that very reason.
30:50
And especially with both of you saying you that through husbands
30:54
that were athletes, right? Or some of them, they're used to
30:57
the world revolving around them and everyone adjusting and
31:01
adapting to them. So to hear that they are making
31:05
this, you know, effort, but it's organic.
31:09
I think that's really commendable.
31:11
Shout out to the husbands. Yeah, that's period.
31:15
They deserve that little flowers.
31:17
Yeah. It's not little flowers, not too
31:19
much, not too much. OK, all right, beautiful people.
31:22
If this episode has already blessed you in any sort of way,
31:26
we ask that you like subscribe, follow, share, and leave
31:30
comments. Feedback helps this message
31:33
reach the people who need it most.
31:36
And if you're listening and thinking I'm ready to go deeper
31:38
in my healing journey, we invite you to join our school community
31:41
where we continue these conversations between episodes.
31:45
And it's an opportunity to connect with like minded
31:48
individuals committed to growth, healing and purpose.
31:52
Also, do not forget, you can shop the merch and also explore
31:57
all things evolved at Evolve with Doctor J nicole.com.
32:02
If you love today's look and you're wondering about this
32:06
here, you can use my promo code with the link in the description
32:10
to get 15% off. Thank you for rising with us.
32:13
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
32:16
OK, so a lot of times Wellness is marketed as like spa days and
32:20
like self-care routines, but emotional and relational
32:24
Wellness run deeper. How do you all define Wellness
32:28
individually today? Wellness, for me, it can take
32:31
long, so many forms. Sometimes spa day, sometimes
32:38
it's laying in bed for an extra hour uninterrupted.
32:41
Sometimes it's going to brunch or just having some good food.
32:47
You know I might cook it because you know that.
32:50
Cooking is therapeutic. Too that is, that is that that
32:52
can be therapeutic for me at times.
32:54
At times. At times that's the key at.
32:58
Times at times. So yeah, for me it comes in all
33:02
sorts of, you know, all sorts of ways.
33:05
Sometimes it could be, it could just be a walk.
33:07
So it's just whatever, whatever my body is telling me that I
33:10
need in that moment, that's what Wellness is for me.
33:13
Like if it's that extra rest, OK, let's take care of you.
33:17
If it's a little, if it's a little self-care, who do a
33:20
facial at home, let's do that, you know.
33:22
So it just depends on what my body is craving and needing at
33:27
in that moment. I love that what you're
33:30
describing is that it's intuitive and that you're in
33:33
touch and attuned to your own experience of your body.
33:37
There are so many people who are disconnected and and doing that
33:41
thing, they might feel like I don't have time.
33:44
It's going to cause this, this, this and that.
33:45
Like they will forego that moment with self to go be in
33:52
traffic to like be on time to get their kids and then get to
33:55
their kids and they're frazzled and then, you know, all of that.
33:59
Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, sometimes it's cleaning
34:01
with a good playlist and then lighting a candle.
34:04
You know what I love about a good playlist, especially when
34:06
you don't know what's on it, is that you get a dopamine hit.
34:10
I forgot how much I love this. Like, and that's why radio, I
34:14
realized this. I'm also a music person.
34:16
This is why I'm like, I kind of miss radio in that sense, like
34:19
where you had to like sit by the radio and wait for your song to
34:22
be played. Hope it would be played or like,
34:25
so I think there's there's that. So there are ways to get those
34:30
moments of care without it being this huge orchestrated thing.
34:35
And because mom guilt is a real thing, learning how to figure
34:39
that out and find it in the the small places is deeply
34:42
important. For sure.
34:44
Yeah. Self-care for me looks like
34:47
therapy #1 come on. Like I'm not going to downplay
34:50
that at all because it has helped through some moments.
34:53
Well, you know, that's my 9:00 to 5:00.
34:55
You know, so it's, it's an important and knowing that you
34:59
need it and getting help when you need it is important.
35:01
Yes, yes. Vacations love a good trip love
35:06
a good like my husband and I, we had like a good six months where
35:11
we would do a little random trip somewhere.
35:15
We did like Richmond, we did Virginia Beach and just like
35:18
take a little time to just woo sod out for a little bit.
35:23
Like that was great for us. And you know, just honestly like
35:29
that whole laying in bed for an extra hour thing is great.
35:32
Laying in bed and watching some trashy reality television for a
35:35
moment just to just to shut it down.
35:38
Yep. Just shut your brain off and
35:40
just be like, I'm a just have some mindless entertainment and
35:44
just. Exactly what I call it.
35:47
I mean, that's what it is, you know, and that or a good book.
35:50
Just taking that time for myself like that, that for me.
35:54
And don't get me wrong though, I love a good manicure moment.
35:58
Both massage moment. We are very much the girls.
36:02
Let me see your nails. You got them done.
36:03
Well, that's cute. Or we'll share.
36:05
Listen, we'll share little designs back.
36:08
Okay, did you see this? What you think about?
36:09
This one, I was just there yesterday, right?
36:13
Yeah, I already have my set picked out, like having little
36:15
cutesy moments like that too. Like for me it gives me joy.
36:19
Like that creativity that you showing on your nail piece like
36:22
that gives me joy. So having that too is is
36:25
definitely some self-care for sure.
36:27
Yeah. And as you're saying that like,
36:28
obviously people do think of like spy manicures, pedicures.
36:31
And I remember when I was actually going through a divorce
36:36
and I went to go, I finally like had time if it's what it felt
36:40
like to go get a manicure and a pedicure.
36:43
And when I tell y'all that Lady wait as she rubbed my feet and
36:47
my legs that day, I was like, like I almost cried like she
36:52
like unlocked and released all this stress and it doesn't
36:57
matter like if you're going through a divorce, but just like
37:00
day-to-day life, how much we hold in the body.
37:04
Like she just released so much. And I was like.
37:08
Yes. Yeah, I didn't know that that
37:10
was where I needed to be. It's wonderful.
37:13
I mean even like we do this together, but I still consider
37:18
it self-care. Like my husband and I get like
37:20
massages together. So like at least twice a year,
37:23
his birthday and Valentine's Day.
37:26
Generally for my birthday, I go by myself.
37:29
But for his birthday and Valentine's Day, like I usually
37:32
treat us to like a couple's massage because like I know
37:35
that's a chance, a different type of intimacy, but we're also
37:38
like releasing a little bit and just kind of read through
37:41
whatever we got going on. And since he's not and.
37:44
No one's performing like you. Both get to be at ease and then
37:48
connect. Calm, yes, love that.
37:52
And like him being an athlete, like I know it's really good for
37:55
him to have that moment to just release all the tension.
37:59
And then for me, like I love treating my husband, of course,
38:01
but then also like, let me lay here for 60 minutes and get
38:05
rubbed on and possibly fall asleep and snoring.
38:08
The wake up completely refreshed and feeling good.
38:10
Yes, great feeling so. Absolutely.
38:14
So thank you all for sharing. Right.
38:17
And So what do you think would actually look like for a woman
38:21
who begins to pour into herself in a real and sustainable way?
38:25
That's what it looks like and it's beautiful.
38:27
And say more. It's beautiful to see, I mean,
38:31
like just to watch friendly and over the past even 2 years, like
38:37
really come into her own and she's still growing, you know,
38:40
and I see. But to see where we were and how
38:44
her confidence in this whole life that we're building as a
38:48
partnership has grown. It's, it's incredible.
38:52
And, you know, not to say like she was like, you know, it's
38:56
different, but it's a different space and to grow in that space,
39:00
to learn in that space is different.
39:02
And it's it's as her partner and her friend, just kind of
39:06
watching her coming to that has been it's been a sight to see.
39:10
And it's, it's so interesting just to watch, But it also like
39:15
as a friend, somebody who cares about her life, it makes me so
39:18
proud, like. And I mean, you need those
39:20
people who can really be, I was, I was going to say a barometer.
39:25
I don't know if that's the right word that I want to use, but
39:27
someone who can see, who can measure it right, who's been
39:30
there with you to be able to see your evolution and, you know,
39:36
because there's a thing that's happening anyway.
39:38
And then you mentioned like getting married young, right?
39:42
Like you all took on wife and mother while still growing into
39:47
yourself and trying to do all those things.
39:50
And then how do you balance what people are saying it should be
39:54
versus what's naturally and organically happening
39:56
developmentally? Like it's a lot.
40:00
For sure. Yeah, so I love that you leaned
40:03
in and you giving yourself permission is what it sounds
40:06
like. That's beautiful.
40:08
So did you have something to add to that?
40:10
Because you know, I know really gave me your flowers.
40:15
Here. Really.
40:16
Come on. Easy, I mean.
40:21
Appreciate that. Of course.
40:22
So I mean, I'm gonna give you your your slightly bigger
40:24
bouquet. You know, we we do a bigger
40:26
bouquets for the girls, all right.
40:28
Okay, I appreciate that truly, you know, and I can say I can
40:33
say the same for you, of course. OK, I'll take it.
40:36
I mean because. You know you.
40:39
Know because I mean, she's definitely been the one to give
40:43
me a push for sure. Sometimes a shove.
40:46
Definitely sometimes a shove as far as you know, just making
40:51
that time for me, even though you've always been intentional
40:55
about your Utah, watching you make that transition and just
40:58
being able to balance the way you have been, that's amazing to
41:04
see. Thanks for that.
41:05
Because you're still, you're still handling your wife stuff,
41:09
your mom stuff like you're still handling business and just
41:12
balancing without completely losing your stuff.
41:16
So yeah. So yeah, yeah, I think we both,
41:23
we, we have both definitely done a lot of growing over the years
41:28
just like she say, you know, watching me, like watching her
41:30
and her evolution has been aspiring inspiring to me.
41:35
So. Thanks girl.
41:38
Listen, y'all's friendship and partnership sounds like the gift
41:41
that keeps on giving. Is is the reciprocity of it all
41:45
that I think is beautiful. It is.
41:47
I mean, an iron should sharpen iron, Yeah.
41:51
So in relationships or marriages, how can women
41:55
maintain their identity while still being loving partners?
41:58
Just being OK, accepting that you can't do it all.
42:06
OK, that's big. No, really, that is big.
42:09
You may you may have the best of intentions, we all do, but being
42:14
OK with not being able to do it all.
42:18
At the end of the day, we're we're only one person and just,
42:24
yeah, just be OK with that. Feel like that.
42:26
That's a good one. Yeah, like, 'cause that's that.
42:28
It's giving acceptance, and that's what a lot of people
42:31
struggle with. Or they're battling through and
42:33
trying to push through and they're still holding on to
42:36
something else. The shoulds, the coulds, the
42:38
woods, the judgment, the shame. There's so many things.
42:43
Yeah. And it takes away from the
42:45
energy, yeah. Yeah.
42:46
And there's a, there's a lot of, you know, tend to carry a lot of
42:51
guilt with that. A lot of, you know, just just
42:54
feeling bad about not being able to be every.
42:56
But you can't be everything for everybody all the time.
42:59
And it's okay, it's okay. And those those that are in your
43:02
circle, those that that love you and those who are truly for you
43:07
will understand that and require that of you.
43:12
Great. So just being OK with like, you
43:14
know, just show just showing up today is enough.
43:17
I don't I don't have to be ABCXYZ today.
43:22
I can just just come in. Maybe tomorrow, Maybe.
43:25
Tomorrow. But today you have it tomorrow,
43:28
right? Today I could just come in and
43:30
be fiddling and that's going to be enough.
43:34
We're being OK with that, yeah. And that's something that I know
43:38
I've struggled with. Like I'm very hard on myself a
43:43
lot of times. And so learning and continuing
43:47
to learn to give myself grace in those moments where like I just
43:51
can't do all the things is a personal project of mine.
43:55
And also one though that like, you know, I'm, I'm ever evolving
43:59
with. So yeah, that's just giving
44:02
yourself grace in the moments where you you can't do all the
44:06
things I think is so crucial, even as I'm continuing to learn
44:09
to practice as I. Breathe absolutely that that
44:14
that was for that was for whoever wants it right.
44:17
And that was definitely for me because I still struggle with
44:21
yes, everything to everybody. And I don't, I know I can't.
44:25
Like we know, we know. That right, right.
44:27
But for whatever reason, it's so ingrained, it's just like, no,
44:30
but no, this has to happen. Like we I've seen it done, but
44:35
OK, but what was the of that? Like what?
44:39
You know, So yeah. Like I see.
44:41
Them. Three kids and I'm like, Dang,
44:44
with my one, I don't feel like I've accomplished nearly as much
44:49
as they like they listen like my parents got master's degrees
44:53
when they had us, like they did all the things.
44:56
And I'm sitting here like, OK, I'm tired.
44:59
And I just took him to and from practice.
45:01
Like, what are what am I? What am I missing here?
45:05
You know, and just understanding like this different.
45:10
Is different for sure. And that comparison trap,
45:13
though, like it's, it's, you know, I'm repeating what you
45:17
said, it is different. And So what I would also
45:20
encourage for both of you, right, like if you find those
45:23
moments where you're maybe not giving yourself enough
45:25
compassion, compassion or grace is what would you tell Ariana?
45:30
What would you tell fiddling? You know what I mean?
45:32
Like what would you tell the other?
45:33
And then that's how you talk to yourself.
45:35
And then you can do some of that healing and giving yourself more
45:38
grace and more space to recognize this is where I am
45:42
today. This is what I have to give.
45:45
Maybe this is what I don't have to give.
45:47
But like, and just meeting yourself where you are and
45:51
you're great at meeting your kids and your husbands where
45:53
they are. Do you meet yourself where you
45:55
are? Yeah.
45:56
So you've all eluded to some of this.
45:59
But like, in your experience and opinions, what does genuine
46:04
support look like in a healthy relationship?
46:06
Yeah. I mean, I, I talked about it a
46:08
little bit just because, because you know, like I had told you, I
46:10
had the conversation with my husband too, like being a
46:13
sounding board, you know, kind of being able to fit into some
46:17
of those areas where they just fall short a little bit
46:20
sometimes. And of course, you know, the
46:22
obvious is of, well, seems obvious, the obvious moments of
46:26
cheering them on, like being at the big moments and the little
46:30
moments too, But like the big happy and sad moments and being
46:34
able to be a part of that is definitely like in our marriage,
46:38
like how we show support, you know what I mean?
46:40
Like do when we have men who do awesome, amazing things, you
46:46
know, it's, it's important for them to look on the sidelines or
46:49
in the crowd or wherever and see us and see us there.
46:53
Go, go, go. Like doing all the things and
46:55
like being a part of those journeys because for them it
46:58
matters. Yeah.
46:59
So yeah, what all the things? Everything.
47:03
That part what she said, she said yeah.
47:06
That yeah, support, support looks like yeah, just being that
47:10
sounding board him for me, me for him being at the things that
47:15
matter showing because my husband he still coaches he's
47:20
he. Coaches OK.
47:22
And just, you know, being on the sidelines and after they, you
47:27
know, after a game being like behind him on the 50 when he's
47:31
giving his speech. Yeah.
47:34
You know, just having that, knowing that, you know, if he
47:37
looks, you know, turns I'm there.
47:39
Like what do you need? You know, just just making sure
47:42
that he's good in those moments when when he has his things
47:45
going on and him making sure that I'm good in the moments
47:47
when I have whatever I have going on.
47:49
Like, OK, we got do you need me to pick up the kids?
47:52
Yes. Do you need me to grab this?
47:53
You know, just whatever, just like she said, filling in those
47:56
gaps where, you know, like, hey, I don't have this today.
47:59
Could you? So yeah.
48:00
Yeah, and I mean my husband, he, he's a amateur racer.
48:04
He's a cyclist. So what kind of racer girl, what
48:07
are you doing? Now I'm still learning all the
48:11
lingo and things and then like. Yeah.
48:14
For me, like that's a version of support too, because you might
48:17
have learned about football and now cycling in the course of our
48:20
relationship has been crazy. Like I I went to a football
48:24
school and and go to not one game my entire where you go
48:29
University of Florida, which is known.
48:30
Oh, that's hard, Gators. Yes.
48:33
So I went to one game my entire four year career there and.
48:39
How was that possible? Listen, it was how did you?
48:43
Even meet him. No interest whatsoever.
48:46
I met him in DC Yeah. But it's like, you know, when he
48:51
talks about all his cycling things and all of that, I'm
48:54
like, OK, babe, love that love that for you.
48:57
Great. You want me at the.
48:58
And like, being at the start line, being at the finish line,
49:00
getting all the photos, like, you know, if he needs water,
49:04
getting the water, like signing up for this, get like all of
49:07
those moments where he has come to rely on my support.
49:11
And like, like, appreciate it. But also it's kind of like at
49:14
this point, like almost like a duh.
49:16
Like, of course you're gonna be there.
49:17
Of course she's gonna do the thing.
49:19
Of course she's gonna, you know, and I don't mind it because of
49:21
course I'm gonna be there. Of course I'm gonna do all the
49:24
things. So yeah, like support for us is
49:27
just being there, doing those things.
49:29
Yeah, So what I'm hearing is pouring into each other.
49:33
Yes. Yeah.
49:34
So it's, it's, it's mutual, right.
49:36
Like as you can easily go through seasons where one needs
49:40
more pouring and the other has to do more pouring, right.
49:43
And that means you have to be the vessel and being OK with
49:48
that and not resenting that when it shifts because some some
49:52
relationships struggle with that.
49:54
So I love to hear that right. Like you're saying like he's all
49:57
in maybe 2 in like giving you ideas for content and he's the
50:01
3rd, 4th Co host right after after New Yorkie.
50:04
He. Might pop up in in the back
50:07
there somewhere. You never know.
50:08
Listen. And you know, I think that
50:11
really, that really is a beautiful thing.
50:14
Yeah. This has been really good
50:16
chatting with the both of you today.
50:18
For the woman listening, who feels stressed, thin, or like
50:21
she's lost herself in the roles that she carries, what would you
50:24
want her to hear today? It's OK to take time for you.
50:28
It doesn't have to be a whole day.
50:31
It doesn't have to be a weekend. It could be 30 minutes.
50:34
It's OK. It's OK to like step away from
50:39
all those roles and just reconnect with you.
50:42
The house is not going to burn down.
50:43
The children will be fine. The husband will, will, will
50:47
figure out what to eat for dinner, right?
50:50
It is absolutely OK to take the time that you need and don't
50:55
feel bad about it. Do not feel bad about it.
50:58
I'm going to answer with like a little teeny tiny story because
51:01
it just we have a conversation that I had with somebody.
51:04
They are a newer mom. And she was talking about how
51:08
she'd was so kind of frustrated with her husband because she'd
51:13
left, you know, the kids with him and the baby didn't.
51:17
She left like, food in the fridge with baby.
51:19
And, you know, he wound up giving the baby just rice
51:22
instead of the rice and the protein and this and that she
51:25
has set aside. She's like, oh, I'm so annoyed.
51:27
Like, I feel sometimes like I can't take the break because
51:30
he's just not going to do the right thing in that moment.
51:33
And I looked at her and I said, is the baby OK?
51:35
Did you, baby? I said, is he full?
51:38
Is he good? Did he sleep?
51:40
And she's like, she kind of paused for a second.
51:42
She's like, I get it. She's like, OK, okay, I said,
51:47
girl, your life is not going to fall apart because you were at
51:50
this thing with us. I promise you.
51:52
Just because the baby didn't have a protein?
51:54
And she was so like, and it just, it just reminded me of
51:57
like, just like how crucial that time is, right?
52:02
Because you get hung up on these little things that in the
52:06
morning things aren't the most important.
52:09
What's most important is you not burning out because you feel
52:12
like you have to control every aspect of what's going on in
52:15
your life. Yeah, when you relinquish that
52:17
control, there's freedom and liberation in there for you.
52:21
There's room to breathe. Especially when you have a
52:23
partner. Yeah, yeah.
52:25
And know that your partner's not going to do it the way that you
52:28
would and the kids needs will be met.
52:31
That that to me as women, as wives, as moms, I think is so
52:36
important for us to know and understand and like put into
52:40
practice because I know I struggled and accepted yes.
52:43
Yes, that's the part of the acceptance.
52:45
You can hear that, but you don't want to.
52:47
Like. Like no are.
52:48
You too scared to try it? Yeah.
52:50
Did it get done? Did it get done?
52:52
Is your baby good? Is he fine?
52:54
Is he healthy? OK, the.
52:55
Talent did not get folded the way I would fold them.
52:59
The towels are folded or are the towels put away?
53:02
Are they still in the basket? And even if they are in the
53:05
basket, they're clean. Right.
53:07
Yeah, and you didn't have to do it right.
53:09
Yeah. Can you grab a towel and keep it
53:11
moving? OK, we.
53:12
Good moving. That's it.
53:14
So yeah, I mean that that type A for me, like again, I'm like,
53:21
but you didn't do the thing. And I'm definitely not type A,
53:24
but for sure, like there are things that I know, you know, if
53:28
I if I let somebody else do it, it's not going to get done.
53:32
But you're asking for the helps, right?
53:34
And take it and they did what they could do now, unless they
53:38
make a bigger mess for you, right?
53:40
You learn a lesson. I'm not going to ask you to do
53:43
that again. Do.
53:44
That. And that's OK.
53:46
Yeah. And sometimes we do ask people
53:48
things that are outside of their capacity.
53:51
They're skill set as soon as you got to think about it.
53:54
As incompetence too. So you got to say that again, I
53:57
said. There's also that weaponized
53:59
incompetence part too though. So you, you got to know who you
54:02
dealing with and how how to deal with them because they said.
54:04
Let me do this in a way they ain't gonna never ask me to do
54:07
this. That part because I will
54:08
definitely be like, I feel like you did know how to do that.
54:11
So let's try that again next week.
54:13
OK, Love you. Yep.
54:16
Sometimes you got to call people out and then they're not going
54:18
to say anything because they know that they are busted, that
54:23
part. So and that goes not even just
54:25
for husbands, that's what people in general like.
54:27
It is got. To be like.
54:29
I know you can do better. I know you can do better.
54:32
So we'll see how that goes next time, right?
54:36
So when women walk away from this conversation, what is 1
54:39
mindset shift that you hope that they take with them about
54:42
pouring into themselves? That is not optional.
54:46
You got to do it. Yeah, Nike, that's.
54:48
It it's not optional like your world benefits when you do that.
54:56
You know, if you say, Oh my gosh, I love my children and my
54:59
husband and my family and all this so much, why not put your
55:03
best foot forward for them? Why would you not, You know, if
55:06
that if that is your focus, like just playing devil's advocate,
55:09
why would you not be your best for them?
55:12
And you can only be your best by being your best for you first.
55:15
Come on. So.
55:17
Say that again for the people in the back.
55:19
I mean all the same. Is not an option.
55:22
Yeah, and the same way. You know how they say, like
55:26
you're at a job and you work. You work, you work, you work.
55:29
If you leave tomorrow, they're going to find a replacement.
55:31
And will. Tomorrow they're going to find a
55:33
replacement, God forbid. Yes, your family would be broken
55:36
up, but at some point they would figure it out.
55:39
Yeah. And it should be at your expense
55:42
for them to, you know what I mean?
55:43
Yep Yep people are literally running themselves ragged and
55:47
some people like so I learned this story like using that
55:51
example. But it was a man right?
55:53
So my brother was telling me he had a Co worker and the guy he
55:57
was like he would work late. He always worked the holidays
56:00
and he was like you get like time and a half and all of these
56:04
things. And he my brother started going
56:06
to the gym like getting older. He was like OK well I'm going to
56:09
go to the gym. They had one on site.
56:11
And he would always tell my brother he's going to go to the
56:13
gym with him and never did right.
56:15
And my brother said to him one time, I'm like man, just go
56:18
spend time with your family. Like these are memories that
56:21
like you can't get this time back and so on and so on.
56:24
Y'all this man called my brother one day and he or their
56:29
colleague and asked how do I go to urgent care?
56:33
He didn't know. But this is how little he used
56:36
his benefits. He didn't know how to like the
56:38
difference between urgent care and the ER.
56:40
The man ended up passing away the day of his funeral.
56:45
My brother don't work at this place no more.
56:46
If anybody's listening, but the day of this man's funeral, they
56:51
put out the job posting to replace this man.
56:54
He hadn't. The dirt probably wasn't even in
56:58
the plot yet, and they sent out the announcement for the
57:01
position to find his replacement.
57:04
They will find your replacement. Life will go on, right?
57:09
And so we we have to find that balance and really take care of
57:12
ourselves. I'm not sure that to say this
57:14
man didn't even know how to use his healthcare benefits because
57:17
he gave so much to the job. And I imagine there's a woman
57:22
who's resonating with this as well that's listening right now.
57:26
Yeah. And so, like, do it for you.
57:29
So I've enjoyed Joel and I can't wait to see when your next event
57:33
is so I can pull up right because we met very briefly,
57:36
Jana, and I'm glad you accepted the invitation.
57:40
Talk to Feddling so that you all could decide to come on today.
57:43
So I love this and I would love to connect like really for real
57:46
in person because our our exchange was very brief.
57:49
And so we closed the episode with a signature question.
57:53
If you could leave the audience with one powerful truth to help
57:56
them to rise and thrive, what would it be?
58:00
Everybody's like, that's so big. I'm I'm going to give 2.
58:05
OK. OK, and these are both at the
58:08
hands of my couple goals, which is my parents.
58:11
They've been married this year and they've done all the things
58:16
right. And I've seen them through a lot
58:17
of those evolutionary moments. And it's just been inspirational
58:21
but also really fascinating to see how life has changed.
58:25
OK. But the first one is something
58:28
we've talked about a couple times, which is you can't pour
58:30
from an empty cup or wine glass. Like you have to take care of
58:35
first. Like that is something like, I
58:40
don't know what they called it self-care, but like that was
58:42
just always, my mom always used to tell me that like you have to
58:46
take care of yourself, whether that's working out, whether
58:49
that's, you know, finding time to read or take, you know,
58:52
whatever works for you, take care of yourself so everybody
58:55
around you can benefit from the best version of you.
58:59
And the second one is no man is an island.
59:02
Community is so important. Yes.
59:05
You know, US building community like it is so important and, you
59:10
know, lean on your community, you know, ask for help when you
59:13
need it. Tell us that you're you're
59:16
overworked, you're tired, like you're overwhelmed.
59:19
Tell the people who love you, who care about you, share that
59:22
with them. Be vulnerable so that when you
59:25
need the help, the people who love and care about you can be
59:28
there for you. And as we build our community of
59:31
people that, you know, we are growing to care about and invest
59:34
in their and, you know, help as we can, I want people to
59:41
remember that we can be a part of their village.
59:43
I love that I know right? You were like not you give in
59:46
two. I mean.
59:51
We we did that, but. Listen, you, you have your own
59:55
gems to drop, your own Nuggets. It's going to resonate with
59:58
somebody it. Is something that's going to
1:00:03
resonate powerful? Truth to rise and thrive To rise
1:00:11
and thrive. I think I would just have to
1:00:13
like circle back to what I said earlier as far as just being OK
1:00:18
with not being everything for everybody.
1:00:20
Yeah. And just you're enough.
1:00:22
You are enough, just as you are. That's it.
1:00:26
That's a lie because I'm like, there's no just to that, right?
1:00:30
Like you don't have to earn it. Like you just are.
1:00:33
Because like everyone is a gift of what you bring.
1:00:38
Wonderfully made. Come on that.
1:00:40
Part are enough. Absolutely, absolutely.
1:00:44
Well, Ariana and Fedeline, thank you both for such an honest and
1:00:48
meaningful conversation. And to anyone listening today,
1:00:51
if anything in this conversation resonated with you, I hope that
1:00:54
you reminded of one important truth.
1:00:57
You deserve to pour into yourself.
1:00:59
This has been another episode of Rise in Five by Doctor Jane.
1:01:03
Nicole, I want you to keep rising in faith and thriving in
1:01:06
purpose. And thank you both for joining
1:01:08
me today. Thank you.
1:01:10
All right, audience, this is where we shift to you.
1:01:13
Where in your life are you constantly pouring into everyone
1:01:16
else, but forgetting to pour into yourself?
1:01:18
Awareness is the first step to reclaiming your balance.
1:01:22
And this week, I want you to choose one intentional act of
1:01:26
self-care. Protect your time, say no to
1:01:29
something draining or Createspace for rest or reset.
1:01:33
And your affirmation for this week is I am worthy of the same
1:01:37
care that I give to others. I honor my Wellness, protect my
1:01:41
energy and pour into myself so that I can rise and thrive.
1:01:46
So if today's conversation resonated with you, I want to
1:01:49
invite you to stay connected with the Rise and Thrive
1:01:51
community. First, make sure that you
1:01:53
subscribe or follow to the channel, to the podcast and turn
1:01:58
on your notifications so you never miss a conversation like
1:02:00
this one. And then I want to hear from
1:02:03
you. What part of the Wives and
1:02:05
Whines story resonated with you? I want you to share your
1:02:09
thoughts in the comments because your voice helps build the
1:02:11
community around these conversations.
1:02:13
If you'd like to carry the message of Rise and Thrive with
1:02:16
you throughout your day, you can also explore the Rise and Thrive
1:02:20
collection. We have all types of apparel and
1:02:22
other pieces that are designed to remind you to walk boldly in
1:02:26
your purpose. You can you can find them at
1:02:29
www.evolvefordoctorjnicole.com. And finally, if this episode
1:02:33
encouraged you, share it with someone who might need to hear
1:02:37
it today because sometimes the right conversation at the right
1:02:40
moment can remind someone that their story is still unfolding.
1:02:46
Thank you for being part of the Rise and Thrive community.
1:02:48
And until next time, keep rising in faith and thriving in
1:02:51
purpose.