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How Reflection, Accountability, and Kindness Build a Life You’re Proud Of · WhozYourMama

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Who's Your Mama, a podcast focusing on tomorrow's future, which are our kids, educators, teachers, parents, all encompassing with the goal of understanding that our brain is a muscle that we can exercise to control the speed in the direction that we want.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go, y'all.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: The time is now.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, Jim Englin, also known by our family as Jimbo, welcome to Who's Your Mama?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's a pleasure to be here.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I've gotta say, who's your daddy?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Words that neither of us thought would ever be coming out of our mouth.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: But the answer to the question is you are literally uh to both my sister and I.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: So um, yes, you you're my daddy.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: So um it's a pleasure to have you on here.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I know when I I started Who's Your Mom um the first episode was May of 2024, but it was in the works um many months before that, and was talking to you and mom about it, and and you know, you were very supportive, both of you, but weren't really sure exactly what it was, and and then started learning more about it as time went on.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I asked you a few months ago if you would come on, I thought it was maybe 50-50, but I thought, well, you've gotta, you know, go for it in life.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm thrilled to have you on.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I see that face.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know there's so many jokes that I know the Jimbo face.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for the restraint in the spirit of time.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: But who knows, this may not be the first, or if it's the first or last.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just get into it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: So, one of the reasons I wanted you to come on is as I've gotten older, and obviously some of you, and our relationship has continued to get stronger.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: I've had the honor and privilege of learning more about you, not only as an adult, but also childhood things.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you have a lot to share, things that really created a foundation that I think for both myself and and my sister, and what I've taught my daughter that's helped me navigate life.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's a lot of these things during this episode will speak to others of any age and those sort of things.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, so with that being said, let's just dive straight into it.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: One of the areas that you and I talked about, and I have talked about it with some other guests on who's your mama, is um reflective uh reflection and hindsight and what where that takes us and and perspective.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what could you say, and you're 74, what would you say are some reflective principles that have really been a foundation of what you stood by and helped your growth throughout life?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think it's pretty simple common sense uh values.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um first of all, integrity.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's just at least in my opinion, uh the starting place.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh not that anybody's ever going to be perfect, um, but uh I think most of us have an inner sense of what's right and wrong.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh if you listen to that, um it'll keep you on a path that's relatively focused.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And uh then next to that is no matter what befalls you, because everybody has road bumps in in life.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I call it a roller coaster because you're gonna have ups and downs, and some are bigger than others, but uh just never quit, no matter what happens.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just stick to your values and keep move moving forward and do the best you can.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then the the last thing a lot of times I think is can be the most difficult, depending upon what the situation is, is to really care deeply about the people and really the people, but sometimes there are organizations and foundations, but care without fear.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna get hurt at times, um, which is part of life, but you never know when you extend yourself uh the impact you're gonna have on the the other person.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: So it's worth the risk.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so those are kind of you know the three guides without getting into uh you know religious or political areas.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the the three foundation the keys to the foundation that I've lived by.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I would like to go back to the fear part because that's a lot of uh being able to distinguish uh how what type of fear and how it could hinder versus motivate you.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I do think these are all intertwined, but before if time permits, we go back to that.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: When you talk about the people or organizations that we surround ourselves with, we hear a lot about boundaries.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I know raising my daughter and also, you know, I'm a mirror in so many ways, and I know uh people that are parents and ones that are not can relate to this.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say, going off of what you were talking about, your foundation?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're talking about mental and um emotional boundaries.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: What would be some vice through your many years of experience personally, professionally, being a father, a wife?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um how could you expand on that to give people some tips, some jimboisms, I'll call them, of how you've learned?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's part of why I started Who's Your Mama was is said no adult ever, oh I wish I would have learned these life skills later in life.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: So through sharing and setting these foundational skills to that are life skills through sharing is is what life is about.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: So can you expand on on that area of um emotional and mental boundaries and what that has done and and does now look for you and how it evolved well, I I think that you know the boundary thing is a moving target because um your life changes, the people that you love and care about, um their lives are constantly changing, and so it's a moving target because everybody's adapting all the time.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: So all the things that you have to uh adjust to, um, if you have at least stable values and beliefs, then that gives you a foundation that you can um work from and adapt to.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um uh I have a podcast that I listen to occasionally from Hamstring BR pastor, but he was talking about another one that he had learned from, and um you know, I talked about life's a continual learning process.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so he said this other pastor was talking about, uh, somebody asked him about uh, you know, well, how do you learn to make better decisions?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the answer was by making bad decisions previously.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: So the easy part of it is when you um can find uh a few people in life that you really trust that have had more experience than you in a lot of cases, and in different areas.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I think a lot of people call these people mentors, but they could be friends, associates, at work, whatever.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And but if you can learn from their bad experiences, it kind of evens out the roller coaster of life.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but I believe there's a responsibility when you've been fortunate enough to have learned from those people to share not only what you learned from them, but what how it may have helped you or whatever, um, with people that you've come across in your life.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: We call it the pay it forward, right?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that would be a great analogy.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's it's pretty simple, and I try to keep things pretty simple, as you probably are well aware of.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't like making things complicated.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Life's complicated enough without us adding to that.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's uh um and I I think the other part of it is that in the learning process, um it's okay to be wrong about things.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: People want to just stand their ground in in in this day and age, especially in the political spectrum, um, so vehemently.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I understand strong beliefs.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I I have those, but there used to be more civility in our society, and and I think that's something that we need to check ourselves with on a daily basis that that we are vulnerable make ourselves vulnerable enough uh to understand that maybe we're not always right and there may be a new perspective that'll help us.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um on the other hand, hopefully, if they have the freedom to share, you have the freedom to maybe uh uh share uh a dissonant uh opinion about certain areas, and so we can all get better if we work together.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, how would you uh so on that note, Dad, when you talk about, you know, because I agree, it's all a choice and but also easier said than done, and it is a practice with time and growth, and I think age hopefully does contribute to some of that.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: What would you say are some of the ways in which you're able to help yourself personally navigate to get back on track if you find yourself in a space of losing some of that?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, I'd call it also humility and grounding to gain perspective to because, like you talked about, that's what the art tape is behind that.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: I've always had since the beginning.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to uh Sarah Lakin, aka Duchess, who did that.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I described it to her, and it was talking about life can be a roller coaster sometimes, but you see linear lines and talking about being the conductor of your own life, and you didn't get off on it on the wrong stop, it was a different stop.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do you need?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: So, in your moments where you're doing that self-guide check, how what do you do to get yourself back on track?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't look too far ahead.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think that inner compass that that I was kind of talking about before, um you know, I I check myself on my ethics, you know, the integrity is is this is a day by day, then week by week, month by weight practice.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hour by hour, minute by minute, really.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's how you live your life, and and you make choices all day long, every day.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so are those choices consistent with the values that that that have worked for you in the past, and if not, what do I need to do to mod modify my behavior to get back in line with those values?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes we get off there, but never stop quit, never quit evaluating your yourself relative to those values, because that's when you get off kilter.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, and you know, you've heard I'm like rainwoman with it with your granddaughter in the I State of Liberty since she was in elementary school.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what does the A in this house stand for?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like accountability mama, and that came from you and my mama, and I know that my sister lives by that too, and it is a daily practice, and and that self-get check of all of that.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: So then that leads me as as we're coming close on time.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: My last question: if you could tell yourself, your younger self, a few things now, what would they be and why?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um continue to learn.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you you never stop, hopefully, you never stop learning in life.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the the real problem is if you do, you get left behind.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because the world's gonna continue to change.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: The people around you will be making their own choices, which you can't control.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you may have people that you relied upon or were close to that you're you no longer have access to, and that that's a loss, it hurts, but it's not your choice, so you have to continue to learn and grow.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I guess for me, the hardest thing for me is I'm so competitive, and I had to be growing up poor and little, physically little, and we didn't have any money, and uh I became extremely competitive because I had to, uh, or or not have anything, and um I hated to lose.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: I still hate to lose.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think you instilled that that competitiveness in my sister and I comes out in some same and some different ways, but that fire in the belly, that tenacity definitely was instilled in both of us.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I I think the real answer to the question is don't get comfortable with losing, but it's okay to lose and learn to lose graciously because you don't know what you can gain from it or what another person that you're involved with in that competitive situation can gain from it.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: So losing can be almost the ultimate teacher in life's learning process.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: So very well said that would be the thing that took me a long, many years and literally decades to learn, and I'm still not sure I do real well at it.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we're never too old to grow in life, and and I it's a win for me, and I think for many others will resonate with the things that you said, and thank you so much for coming on.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe this won't be the last time, but even if it's the first and last, it's been an honor to have you.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: My daddy, aka Jimbo, and thank you for the time.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: So at Who's Your Mama?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: We always sign off in one way and with a smile and a laugh.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: So let's go.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: The time is now.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: My memory is gone.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Love you, Dad.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Love you too, sweetie.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for tuning in to Who's Your Mama?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I look forward to collaborating from a community standpoint for the next episodes.