Latest / Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps / Phone Tap PODCAST: Instacartastrophe

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Phone Tap PODCAST: Instacartastrophe · Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: One eight hundred d ui away now offering free remote
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  Speaker 1: consultations by phone or video conference for any criminal offense.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Trust Brooke, Jeffrey and Jose's friends with a free remote
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  Speaker 1: consultation from Bradley Johnson Lawyers. Visit one eight hundred d
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  Speaker 1: Uyowa dot com or call eight day. All right, it's
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  Speaker 1: time for your phone tap, and today we call a
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  Speaker 1: woman who, for the last few months has been ordering
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  Speaker 1: all her groceries from a delivery app. Oh yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I do the same. Actually, if you haven't used one
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  Speaker 1: of those four, they're actually pretty awesome. Yeah, it's sweet.
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  Speaker 1: Saves you a bunch of time and energy, unless, of course,
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  Speaker 1: your designated shopper is Jose. Oh no, this is why
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  Speaker 1: I use the app, but not on the other end.
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  Speaker 1: He can't buy food for himself. Exactly, Jose's picking up
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  Speaker 1: your items, then something's bound to go wrong, which is
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  Speaker 1: exactly what happens in your brand new phone tap. Right now,
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  Speaker 1: it's another on the twenties. I'm moving ninety two point five. Hello, Hi,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: this is Ritchie. I'm calling from part is this Marissa?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah listen, Marissa? Oh good, how's your day going? It's fine?
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  Speaker 1: Everything okay, everything's fine. I just had to sub out
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  Speaker 1: a few things for you. Like they didn't have sharp
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  Speaker 1: cheddar cheese, so I went with medium cheddar. I hope
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  Speaker 1: that's okay, that's fine, that's okay. Good. Oh. Also, they
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  Speaker 1: were out of those yellow peaches that you asked for,
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  Speaker 1: so I got white peaches instead. Okay, they're firm, by
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  Speaker 1: the way, I'm holding one in my hand right now. There.
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  Speaker 1: It feels perfect. It's just not the right color. But
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  Speaker 1: everything else seems good. Okay, good, all right. Well, I've
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  Speaker 1: got just about everything picked out, so I think i'll
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  Speaker 1: be buy your house and like fifteen maybe twenty minutes,
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  Speaker 1: depending on traffic. Excuse me, excuse me? Yeah, Hi, was
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  Speaker 1: that a toilet flushing? Oh? Yeah, I guess it was.
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  Speaker 1: Sorry about that. I didn't realize you could hear that. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I did hear it. Are you holding my food while
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  Speaker 1: you're going to the bathroom? What's going on? Yeah, but
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  Speaker 1: it's just been a really busy day. I was just
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  Speaker 1: using the restaurom before I head out, so i'll be there,
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  Speaker 1: and you told me we're just holding my peach. Can
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  Speaker 1: you put that stuff back and get me? At first
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  Speaker 1: of all, wash your hands, please, I'm holding the peach
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  Speaker 1: because I didn't want to put it on the ground.
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  Speaker 1: Of course, you should not have my food in the
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  Speaker 1: bathroom period with you. That is unhygienic. I really wish
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  Speaker 1: you would have said that earlier, that earlier. What are
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  Speaker 1: you talking about? And there's no protocol requiring me to
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  Speaker 1: write a note saying don't bring my food into the
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  Speaker 1: bathroom with you. That's insane. I can set the peach
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  Speaker 1: down on the back of the toilet if that'll make
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  Speaker 1: you feel more comfortable. Oh my god, looks pretty clean
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  Speaker 1: and just something wrong with you? Like this is very
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  Speaker 1: upstanding to me now, Like now I'm questioning my whole everything,
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  Speaker 1: like I'm wondering about past orders that I oh, no, no, no, look,
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  Speaker 1: everything is fine. The peach feels good. Hold on, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: smells great like a peach. And there's nothing wrong with
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  Speaker 1: this peach. I promise you that peach is going to
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  Speaker 1: have to be disposed of as far as I'm concerned.
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  Speaker 1: I would like fresh. I'm not going to throw this away.
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  Speaker 1: It's a perfectly good peach. Look, I can wrap it
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  Speaker 1: in the toilet seat cover. I don't want a stupid
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  Speaker 1: toilet peach. Okay, I want my order clean. Fine, like
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  Speaker 1: you're the boss. It's gone, all right, I'm throwing the
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  Speaker 1: peach away. What about the other items that I have
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  Speaker 1: in here? What do you mean? Well? I didn't want
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  Speaker 1: anyone to take your stuff, ma'am, so I brought the
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  Speaker 1: whole grocery card into the stall with not my entire order,
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  Speaker 1: into the bathroom with you. Oh no, oh no, what
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  Speaker 1: was that? What was that? Right now? What was that?
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  Speaker 1: Looks like I gotta have to take another peach off
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  Speaker 1: the list. Okay, you know what, fat fingers, listen to me.
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  Speaker 1: You know what you're going to take off the list?
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  Speaker 1: My whole order. I'm canceling it and I'm never ordering
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  Speaker 1: from you again. Completely insane. May I ask why you
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  Speaker 1: drop my peach into the toilet and you're asking me why? Hey,
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  Speaker 1: is this a bad time to tell you that I
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  Speaker 1: opened your peanut butter? Oh my god, I hadn't tried
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  Speaker 1: that kind I was just kind of curious. I said,
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  Speaker 1: more creamy? How can you get more creamy? That you
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  Speaker 1: had to lie? But it's pretty creamy now, that is correct.
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  Speaker 1: Oh you're laughing. That's hilarious to you that I have
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  Speaker 1: to cancel my arder look. Look, I know what you're thinking.
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  Speaker 1: You want me to be fired, you want to call
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  Speaker 1: my boss. Listen, this is all a prank. I'm so
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  Speaker 1: sorry to upset you, but this is not real. This
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  Speaker 1: is actually jose from the radio show Brook and Jeffrey
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  Speaker 1: in the Morning. We're doing kidding. Your husband Ben set
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  Speaker 1: you up. I talked to you twenty minutes ago, and
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  Speaker 1: he told us your entire card order just so we
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  Speaker 1: can mess with you. Oh oh, I'm exhausted from you.
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  Speaker 1: I am an exhausting person. And that's not even about
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  Speaker 1: the card or anything. That's just me. I need a
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  Speaker 1: nap now. I need to lie well. I got some
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  Speaker 1: fresh peaches. I can come if you want to eat
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  Speaker 1: one with me before you take a nap. Side. Oh
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  Speaker 1: my god there, Oh wait a minute, we gotta shoot
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  Speaker 1: him right now. I flushed one week up every morning
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  Speaker 1: with slow tab weekday mornings on the twenties on Ruben
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  Speaker 1: ninety two point five