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Money Diaries Update: What Really Happens in a Divorce Settlement (And Where She Ended Up) · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: My name's Anatasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations woman
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Speaker 1: and I'm here to acknowledge country t glennyan Ganya, Niana,
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Speaker 1: kaka ya Ya bin Ahaka Nian Our gay In Nimbina,
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Speaker 1: yakarum jar Dominyama, Doma Itawakaman, damon Imlan bomber bang Gadabomba
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Speaker 1: in and now in wakah ghana on yak rum jar Watnadaa. Hello,
0:22
Speaker 1: beautiful friends, we gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people.
0:26
Speaker 1: We thank acknowledge and respect the Abiginal people's land that
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Speaker 1: we're gathering on today. Take pleasure in all the land
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Speaker 1: and respect all that you see. She's on the Money
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Speaker 1: podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections, bringing you the tools,
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Speaker 1: knowledge and resources for you to thrive.
0:44
Speaker 2: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
1:07
Speaker 3: Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
1:10
Speaker 3: that lets you be pervy about other people's money.
1:12
Speaker 2: Stories for educational purposes.
1:14
Speaker 3: Of course, today's episode is something a little bit different,
1:18
Speaker 3: and I am so flipping excited about it because one
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Speaker 3: of our most popular money diaries of all time, the
1:26
Speaker 3: one that had all of us yelling yes, queen in
1:29
Speaker 3: the back.
1:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's back.
1:31
Speaker 3: So you might remember a year ago we read a
1:34
Speaker 3: letter and I'm going to read it out again. It
1:36
Speaker 3: sounded exactly like this, Hello, she's on the money Queen's
1:39
Speaker 3: I'm a thirty five year old mum of two with
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Speaker 3: a story that serves as a cautionary tale for all women.
1:45
Speaker 3: Three months into relocating to a news date with my husband,
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Speaker 3: he blindsided me with the news that he was leaving.
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Speaker 3: I had absolutely no idea this was coming. And here's
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Speaker 3: the tough part. We had joint money. He earns three
1:58
Speaker 3: times what I do, and I have spent the last
2:00
Speaker 3: nine years out of full time work raising our children.
2:04
Speaker 3: Now I have to pick myself back up and reassess
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Speaker 3: everything to start fresh and give my kids the life
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Speaker 3: they deserve. Now, obviously I'll link this episode in the
2:13
Speaker 3: show notes so that you can go back and do
2:15
Speaker 3: you know what you should go back. Don't get further
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Speaker 3: into this and spoil the excitement of seeing where somebody
2:21
Speaker 3: is without having listened to the first episode. But to
2:24
Speaker 3: give you a really quick recap, last Time Money Diarist,
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Speaker 3: you were on the show. You'd just been blindsided by
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Speaker 3: your husband. Literally a few months after moving into state,
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Speaker 3: and right after a meeting about buying a property together,
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Speaker 3: you told me that you didn't have any money in
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Speaker 3: your own name at that point, which was really stressful
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Speaker 3: and it made obviously everything feel even harder when he
2:43
Speaker 3: decided to leave. Now I remember you saying that mediation
2:47
Speaker 3: was one of the best decisions that you ever made,
2:49
Speaker 3: and you went in prepared and then you actually walked
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Speaker 3: out with sixty percent of his souperunuation and no debts
2:56
Speaker 3: left on the table, which was an absolute sleigh. You
2:59
Speaker 3: also negotiated around I think it was four grand a
3:02
Speaker 3: month in child support, which put you in a way
3:04
Speaker 3: better position to borrow again and then start planning for
3:07
Speaker 3: the future and look after your children and get back
3:09
Speaker 3: on track. And you'd just gone back to work as
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Speaker 3: a communications manager on a one hundred and three thousand
3:16
Speaker 3: dollars a year paycheck, which was honestly incredible because obviously,
3:19
Speaker 3: hearing your story, you were like, I'm so stressed, I've
3:22
Speaker 3: been out of work, Like am I going to be
3:23
Speaker 3: able to get an income? And you were really focused
3:26
Speaker 3: on rebuilding your confidence in your career, which obviously every
3:30
Speaker 3: single person in the she's on the money community was
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Speaker 3: absolutely behind you. In that episode, you gave yourself a
3:36
Speaker 3: D minus for your money habits. Back then you said
3:39
Speaker 3: I'm a D minus, but by the end of the
3:41
Speaker 3: chat you'd actually said, do you know what? You know?
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Speaker 4: What? V?
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Speaker 3: I reckon? I'm a V plus And honestly, it felt
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Speaker 3: like the perfect symbol of just how far you'd come
3:49
Speaker 3: and what you'd achieved. But now you're back, So welcome
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Speaker 3: to the show, my friend, and thanks for reaching out
3:56
Speaker 3: and saying, hey, guys, I've got a little juicy update.
4:01
Speaker 4: I mean, it's so interesting listening to all that and remembering,
4:04
Speaker 4: I guess where I was like this time of year ago. Yeah,
4:08
Speaker 4: I was feeling. I mean, there's a few things that
4:10
Speaker 4: have all happened, some good, some not so good, to
4:13
Speaker 4: catch everyone up on. There's still some definitely some cautionary
4:16
Speaker 4: tale elements to my story. But the biggest, most exciting
4:21
Speaker 4: thing is that I remember when I was speaking to you,
4:24
Speaker 4: and my two biggest goals were to take my kids
4:27
Speaker 4: on holiday and to my house. And I mean, I
4:31
Speaker 4: literally have goosebums when I say this, but I have
4:33
Speaker 4: achieved both of those things.
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Speaker 2: Get in a bin, are you?
4:36
Speaker 4: Bon I did both so it. We had an amazing
4:41
Speaker 4: family holiday. I mean, I'm literally sitting in my daughter's
4:44
Speaker 4: room right now. It's best for acoustics.
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Speaker 2: You know, I have goose bums. I don't know if
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Speaker 2: you can see them. I'm so excited for you.
4:51
Speaker 4: And we had just the best holiday ever of my
4:54
Speaker 4: whole life, and the kids loved it. And then yeah,
4:57
Speaker 4: a little while after that, so, like I said, I
5:00
Speaker 4: think in the last one, my parents have been amazing,
5:03
Speaker 4: and they you know, all through their own very very
5:07
Speaker 4: clever approach to money over the years, Like you know,
5:10
Speaker 4: they keep saying, Oh, we're just in a fortunate position
5:12
Speaker 4: where we can help you on There's nothing fortunate about it.
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Speaker 4: You guys made really really smart financial decisions, and I
5:18
Speaker 4: just could not be more grateful. So they contributed like
5:21
Speaker 4: my deposit and then some which meant that I was
5:23
Speaker 4: able to buy a house. And we've been here now
5:27
Speaker 4: since I think we moved in May, and we just
5:30
Speaker 4: love it. Like it's just we're so happy here, the
5:33
Speaker 4: stability that we've got. I mean, I'm literally looking out
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Speaker 4: into my backyard right now and I can see the
5:37
Speaker 4: kids trampoline and the basketball hoop and you know, and
5:41
Speaker 4: it's like you know, their primary school is a block
5:43
Speaker 4: and a half away, so most days we take the
5:45
Speaker 4: dog and we walk to school. And then their high
5:47
Speaker 4: school is a couple of blocks from here too, and
5:49
Speaker 4: they've got all these friends in the neighborhood and so
5:52
Speaker 4: it's just all the things. It's all the things. You know,
5:55
Speaker 4: It's little and it's not perfect, but it's ours and
5:58
Speaker 4: we just we love it. So that has been fantastic.
6:02
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm so so excited for you. If we go
6:05
Speaker 3: back to the day that we were recording, I feel
6:08
Speaker 3: like you were so switched on. I was like, if
6:10
Speaker 3: this had happened to me or you know, sadly, I've
6:13
Speaker 3: seen lots of women in our community go through this.
6:15
Speaker 3: You just had an air of positivity about you that
6:18
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't know if I could muster that, Like,
6:20
Speaker 3: I just don't know if I would be as optimistic
6:23
Speaker 3: about the future. I'm not saying that you should be
6:26
Speaker 3: down about this, but it's very easy to waller in
6:28
Speaker 3: your own circumstances and be like, oh, whoa is me?
6:31
Speaker 3: And you were not like that at all. How are
6:34
Speaker 3: you feeling now? Obviously like you've achieved these big money
6:37
Speaker 3: goals that you'd set and said you wanted to achieve,
6:39
Speaker 3: and I don't think you thought they were going to happen.
6:42
Speaker 3: Within the first twelve months. You were like, you know,
6:43
Speaker 3: but there are things I'm going to do for my kids.
6:46
Speaker 2: Did you listen to the episode?
6:47
Speaker 4: Like was that I did?
6:49
Speaker 3: Women familiar to you? How do you feel about it now?
6:52
Speaker 4: I mean, I have lots of feelings about it, to
6:54
Speaker 4: be honest, I think you would be able to show
6:57
Speaker 4: up in that way because I think as mothers really
7:00
Speaker 4: don't realize how strong we are until we have to
7:02
Speaker 4: be for our kids. And I think, as I you know,
7:04
Speaker 4: it's like people say like, oh my god, I could
7:06
Speaker 4: never have twins, Well like, of course you could, Like
7:07
Speaker 4: of course you could, because you'd have to figure out
7:09
Speaker 4: a way, like and you're a mum, and so you do.
7:12
Speaker 4: And that was very much my approach is like I
7:15
Speaker 4: have to show.
7:15
Speaker 3: Up for my kids, and I have to. There's actually
7:17
Speaker 3: no choice here. I wasn't like, oh, would you like
7:20
Speaker 3: to do this and you're like, oh, no, thank you, no.
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Speaker 4: Thank you. I choose misery. I just didn't have that.
7:26
Speaker 4: And I mean, you know, I've gotten very like woo
7:28
Speaker 4: woo over the last year and a bit. I do
7:31
Speaker 4: my gratitude like meditating and manifesting every day. I really
7:36
Speaker 4: believe in it. I just really believe a positive mindset
7:39
Speaker 4: is such an important thing to have. I actually listened
7:42
Speaker 4: to you had an episode with Georgia from.
7:47
Speaker 3: Oh Georgie Stevenson from Rise and Conker.
7:49
Speaker 4: Yes, I listened to that, and that, you know, I
7:51
Speaker 4: was already doing a lot of it already then, but
7:53
Speaker 4: then I've also then since gotten into all of her
7:55
Speaker 4: stuff as well, which is great. So on the one hand, yeah,
7:59
Speaker 4: I look at it and I'm like, yeah, I'm proud
8:01
Speaker 4: that I was able to do that, and for the
8:04
Speaker 4: most part, I am still the same. But also it's
8:07
Speaker 4: been a really, really tough year since then. Things have
8:10
Speaker 4: gotten very ugly with my ex husband. Again. This is
8:15
Speaker 4: where I guess the cautionary tale part of it comes
8:17
Speaker 4: in in that I had definitely counted my chickens before
8:20
Speaker 4: they had hatched, and things got very ugly, and you know,
8:25
Speaker 4: did all the things, did the hiding of the assets,
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Speaker 4: did the squirreling away money, did the I can't afford
8:32
Speaker 4: to pay you this.
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Speaker 3: Not you somebody else did?
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Speaker 4: Yes? Yes? And did the backing out on a whole
8:38
Speaker 4: bunch of promises. He's also I don't want to go
8:40
Speaker 4: into too much detail, but you know, put the kids
8:42
Speaker 4: into some not so safe situations which I'm really not
8:45
Speaker 4: very happy about.
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Speaker 3: Excuse me, Like, squirrel the money away from me, Fine,
8:50
Speaker 3: do not come near my children.
8:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, And the thing is, it's not about squirreling the
8:54
Speaker 4: money from me. It's about your children. Like I still
8:57
Speaker 4: do have majority custody. And this is the thing that
9:01
Speaker 4: people often say. He's like, how can he do that?
9:03
Speaker 4: Doesn't he understand it's hurting the kids. And this is
9:05
Speaker 4: the thing that people to understand about when you're dealing
9:07
Speaker 4: with a true narcissist, that they don't care, like they
9:11
Speaker 4: do not have capacity to care about other people. And
9:15
Speaker 4: so he can't see that. He still genuinely believes he's
9:18
Speaker 4: the victim in this situation. So yeah, so I think
9:21
Speaker 4: that's kind of where the cautionary tale, but a bit
9:23
Speaker 4: of it comes in, you know. I long story short,
9:26
Speaker 4: he's ended up basically paying the minimum government child support amount.
9:32
Speaker 4: He hit assets, so that any amount of settlement I
9:35
Speaker 4: was entitled to I couldn't get. And this is where
9:39
Speaker 4: our legal system is just and even my lawyer conceded
9:43
Speaker 4: that she's like, yeah, it sucks because it's like we
9:45
Speaker 4: could go after him, we could do like forensic accounting
9:48
Speaker 4: and all that kind of stuff, but it's more time
9:50
Speaker 4: and it's more money, and ultimately, if the money spent,
9:53
Speaker 4: the money spent. So that's where I just think again,
9:57
Speaker 4: I just I can't stress enough how much you just
9:59
Speaker 4: need to have of your own money and your own
10:01
Speaker 4: independence because you.
10:03
Speaker 3: Just don't know who you married. You just don't know,
10:05
Speaker 3: you don't and.
10:05
Speaker 4: It's actually really scary. And that's been a really hard
10:08
Speaker 4: part of this is unraveling how much of it was
10:12
Speaker 4: me being willfully ignorant, how much of it was me
10:16
Speaker 4: just not knowing how you know, Like, and I'll never
10:18
Speaker 4: have the full answers to all of that, but that's
10:21
Speaker 4: you know, we've just as women, we have to protect
10:24
Speaker 4: ourselves because if it wasn't for my family behind me,
10:28
Speaker 4: I would be an entirely different statistic. And so that's
10:31
Speaker 4: incredibly scary, you know, like I will never let my
10:34
Speaker 4: daughter have all joyed money with a partner, or my
10:36
Speaker 4: son for that matter. Yeah, and I just say, yeah,
10:39
Speaker 4: So the honest answer to that is, at this point,
10:42
Speaker 4: I feel truly exhausted. I think probably last time I
10:45
Speaker 4: spoke to you, I was still like really running on adrenaline.
10:49
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:49
Speaker 3: You could tell in a good but also like self
10:52
Speaker 3: preservation where you were like, I'm just going to get
10:54
Speaker 3: shit done. I'm going through this and I'm growing through
10:57
Speaker 3: this and I'm going to get it done. And like
10:59
Speaker 3: how many any women have I heard the same story from.
11:02
Speaker 3: There are agreements, and then there's squirreling money away, and
11:05
Speaker 3: there's hiding assets and transferring it into other names, and
11:08
Speaker 3: we're not talking. And I know that your situation there
11:11
Speaker 3: was like more than enough finances to support both of you,
11:16
Speaker 3: but I'm even seeing it in like lower income families,
11:18
Speaker 3: like the emergency fund is being transferred to a mate
11:21
Speaker 3: and saying, oh sorry, I spent it on a pool
11:23
Speaker 3: table that never eventuated, Like it just all of this
11:26
Speaker 3: stuff drives me up the absolute wall, because you're right,
11:30
Speaker 3: our legal system can't do anything about it. And at
11:33
Speaker 3: the end of the day, even if you owed you
11:35
Speaker 3: that amount and then he went and spent it, and
11:37
Speaker 3: I say, in ingest on a pool table, because that's
11:40
Speaker 3: what I was last talking about with a client or
11:43
Speaker 3: an ex client. He said, Oh, yeah, I spent six
11:46
Speaker 3: grand on a pool table. No you didn't.
11:48
Speaker 2: Oh I bought it off a mate, So I don't
11:50
Speaker 2: have receipt. Of course you don't.
11:52
Speaker 3: It's very convenient, isn't it, that the legal system doesn't
11:55
Speaker 3: support anything like that.
11:56
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I've had the same experience in that, like
11:59
Speaker 4: the number of people who once they find out, you know,
12:03
Speaker 4: my situation or what I'm going through, the number of
12:05
Speaker 4: people who were like, ah, yeah, I had one of those.
12:08
Speaker 4: Ah yeah, my ex did the same thing, or my friends,
12:10
Speaker 4: And it's just it's a really, really.
12:12
Speaker 2: Shitty club to be a part of. Yeah, it is.
12:16
Speaker 4: But at the same time, you know, it does offer
12:19
Speaker 4: you support and it offers me, especially some hope that
12:25
Speaker 4: you know, obviously things do get better. We did. You know,
12:28
Speaker 4: it took we had to go back to mediation again,
12:31
Speaker 4: this time with lawyers present, so you know, the amount
12:33
Speaker 4: of money that this has cost is just like ridiculous.
12:37
Speaker 4: But we finally got things signed and I'll be divorced
12:39
Speaker 4: by Christmas on Marry Christmas, baby marby Christmas. I was
12:44
Speaker 4: hoping it'd be by my birthday, but that's like this weekend,
12:47
Speaker 4: so it's not going to be quite then.
12:49
Speaker 3: But then that's okay, that's all right, Like we're happy
12:51
Speaker 3: to wait as long as it's by Christmas, and like
12:54
Speaker 3: it will be the merriest of Christmases.
12:56
Speaker 4: It will, it will. Yeah, we're hoping to have Christmas
13:00
Speaker 4: with the family here at our new house this year.
13:02
Speaker 3: And I just yeah, all right, let's go to a
13:03
Speaker 3: really quick break, so guys don't go anywhere. All right,
13:10
Speaker 3: money drives. We are back. So tell me a bit
13:13
Speaker 3: more about these money goals. You set goal to buy
13:16
Speaker 3: a house, goal to go on a holiday. How have
13:18
Speaker 3: your money goals now twelve months down the track changed?
13:20
Speaker 2: What are they?
13:21
Speaker 4: Well? Given the significant change to what I've got coming
13:26
Speaker 4: in from child support, it's made a big difference. And
13:30
Speaker 4: that's again that's where I'm kind of trying to see
13:33
Speaker 4: the positive in these situations. That I wouldn't have been
13:36
Speaker 4: able to get the mortgaged for this house had it
13:38
Speaker 4: been like what the current situation is with like my
13:41
Speaker 4: income and then child support. But I did manage to
13:44
Speaker 4: get this house, and like it means that yep, things
13:45
Speaker 4: are a lot tighter. But we've got the house and
13:49
Speaker 4: it's great, and you know, I'm very hopeful that for me,
13:51
Speaker 4: my career will continue to grow. So for me at
13:55
Speaker 4: the moment, and like I do qualify for some other
13:58
Speaker 4: government assistance, which is good. It's not huge, but that's beneficial.
14:02
Speaker 4: So at the moment, it's really just about keeping the
14:06
Speaker 4: lights on. I'm you know, managing to get little bits
14:09
Speaker 4: of money into my emergency fund each month. But a
14:12
Speaker 4: lot of things are cropping up, like oh, your health insurance,
14:15
Speaker 4: so your life insurance is due, or your car service
14:18
Speaker 4: is nine hundred dollars or whatever. But I've got that there,
14:21
Speaker 4: which is good.
14:22
Speaker 3: That's iconic, honestly, the fact that you're still managing money.
14:25
Speaker 3: When I see lots of people and we all deal
14:28
Speaker 3: with things in our own ways, but they go, you know,
14:30
Speaker 3: until this tumultuousness goes away. I'm just burying my head
14:33
Speaker 3: in the sand and I'll deal with it later. Like
14:35
Speaker 3: that's icon behavior.
14:36
Speaker 4: I've done a bit of that. To be completely transparent,
14:38
Speaker 4: I've done a bit of that because you know, I'm
14:40
Speaker 4: also a neurospicy type.
14:42
Speaker 2: We're just girls, you know, We're just like we can't
14:44
Speaker 2: be everything.
14:46
Speaker 4: We are everything all at once. That's the whole, that's
14:49
Speaker 4: the ADHD, the balance, all the things, all at once
14:52
Speaker 4: all the tabs open. Yeah, So my money goals for
14:56
Speaker 4: now are I'm currently trying to say, because I would
15:01
Speaker 4: like to take the kids on another holiday at some point,
15:03
Speaker 4: probably in the next couple of years, and I think
15:07
Speaker 4: my main goal at the moment is to just keep
15:10
Speaker 4: plugging away at work and hopefully, you know, get a
15:13
Speaker 4: promotion and a bit more money and then we can
15:15
Speaker 4: start to kind of write the ship in terms of
15:18
Speaker 4: putting more into my investing and stuff like that. I've
15:22
Speaker 4: got about three and a half grand now in my shares.
15:24
Speaker 4: Eas like I'm not contributing to that super often or
15:28
Speaker 4: super large amounts, but that's okay, we'll get back.
15:32
Speaker 3: No, I feel like we're on the right track, so
15:36
Speaker 3: we're saving for another holiday. I want to be really
15:39
Speaker 3: pervy because your kids are old enough, I think to
15:41
Speaker 3: understand kind of what's happening. Maybe not on a super
15:44
Speaker 3: pragmatic level where you know they're late teens and can
15:47
Speaker 3: really understand, but I want to ask because I think
15:51
Speaker 3: so many women are worried about this, how your relationship
15:54
Speaker 3: with your children has changed over the last twelve months,
15:57
Speaker 3: and you were really worried, like how my kid's going
15:59
Speaker 3: to deal with this.
16:00
Speaker 4: Yeah. Look, to be honest, you know, with the kids,
16:04
Speaker 4: it's up and down. I think it's a form of grief,
16:06
Speaker 4: and grief isn't linear, and you know, it's always changing
16:11
Speaker 4: as well for them, you know, like their dad recently
16:14
Speaker 4: moved house as well, and so that's another thing that
16:16
Speaker 4: they have to get used to. So my relationship with them,
16:21
Speaker 4: to be honest, I think has probably never been better.
16:24
Speaker 4: I think, you know, we're so afraid and I remember,
16:27
Speaker 4: you know, I was just so afraid that their lives
16:30
Speaker 4: were going to be ruined and everything was going to
16:32
Speaker 4: be broken. And it was one of my best friends
16:34
Speaker 4: who was amazing and like I spoke to her like
16:36
Speaker 4: every day in the midst of it all being happening whatever,
16:40
Speaker 4: And she said to me after about two months, she's like,
16:42
Speaker 4: you know what I haven't heard you say is that
16:45
Speaker 4: your heart broken for you or that this was the
16:47
Speaker 4: love of your life. Like all you've said is but
16:50
Speaker 4: my family and the kids, and this isn't what it
16:52
Speaker 4: was supposed to be. And that was a real eye
16:55
Speaker 4: opener for me. And I think that was accurate. But
16:57
Speaker 4: I think it has proven to me that you know,
17:01
Speaker 4: the bond that you have with your kids. It doesn't
17:04
Speaker 4: depend on whether you're in a nuclear family or not.
17:07
Speaker 4: In fact, I think our bond is stronger than ever.
17:10
Speaker 4: You know, they are with me most of the time,
17:12
Speaker 4: and sometimes I say, like, oh god, I feel like
17:13
Speaker 4: I'm just always being like cranky mom and not fun
17:16
Speaker 4: mom because you know, I'm having to make the rules
17:19
Speaker 4: and do all that kind of stuff. But at the
17:21
Speaker 4: same time, you know, we have like handball tournaments in
17:24
Speaker 4: our living room after dinner, and we have like you know,
17:27
Speaker 4: dance offs, and we wrestle before bed each night because
17:31
Speaker 4: that's just what my son needs to do to get
17:32
Speaker 4: his energy out. And so I think, and it's actually
17:35
Speaker 4: been really nice. I can make my own rules, like
17:38
Speaker 4: I make them dinner, but then I just make myself
17:40
Speaker 4: the most girl dinner of all time. And you know,
17:43
Speaker 4: if I forget to do the walking for a week,
17:46
Speaker 4: well I'm the only one who has to deal with that.
17:49
Speaker 4: And I actually think it's brought us closer together. I
17:51
Speaker 4: think one of the achievements I would say is like
17:54
Speaker 4: a non financial or a non quantifiable achievement. But I
17:59
Speaker 4: really struggled in the beginning about the guilt that I
18:02
Speaker 4: had because they go to their dads every second weekend.
18:05
Speaker 4: I would have guilt about feeling a bit of relief
18:08
Speaker 4: to have some time to decomprex.
18:11
Speaker 3: Oh, don't feel guilty about that. No, that's your downtime.
18:14
Speaker 1: I know.
18:15
Speaker 4: But it was hard because I was like, I should
18:17
Speaker 4: want them all the time. I shouldn't be feeling this.
18:19
Speaker 4: I shouldn't be feeling that. And I've really worked through
18:22
Speaker 4: that and now I actually have given myself permission to
18:26
Speaker 4: enjoy my time that I do have when I'm not
18:28
Speaker 4: with them, because then I do come back a better
18:30
Speaker 4: mum for them, and I can show up in a
18:32
Speaker 4: much better, happier way. And you know, it's like, Okay,
18:35
Speaker 4: well let's make hay while the sunshine. Let's find the
18:38
Speaker 4: silver lining in the cloud. Like, you know, I've started
18:41
Speaker 4: going to like festivals and like boat parties and stuff again.
18:44
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, life is fun.
18:46
Speaker 2: Who are you? Yeah, life can be good.
18:49
Speaker 4: I know, Like I hadn't done that kind of stuff
18:51
Speaker 4: for like ten years, and so then to have the
18:53
Speaker 4: opportunity to do that kind of stuff again, it's like, oh,
18:56
Speaker 4: this is super fun.
18:57
Speaker 2: So so yeah, I think the kids are up and down.
19:00
Speaker 4: My son, he's younger, he's always been much more emotional.
19:04
Speaker 4: My daughter kind of masks a lot of her emotions.
19:08
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's up and down. And I often think
19:11
Speaker 4: when they come back from their dad's place, you know,
19:13
Speaker 4: because it's the whole thing about the mum being the
19:15
Speaker 4: emotional safe place. When they come back, there's always some
19:19
Speaker 4: kind of emotional release. And the difficulty with that is
19:23
Speaker 4: it looks different every time. Sometimes they just need heaps
19:26
Speaker 4: of cuddle, Sometimes they're really angry, sometimes they're really emotional sometimes,
19:30
Speaker 4: you know. And so it's about being able to read
19:33
Speaker 4: them when they get back and make sure that I've
19:35
Speaker 4: got everything I need done around the house and whatever,
19:37
Speaker 4: so that I can just be fully present with them
19:40
Speaker 4: and meet those needs. Because if it presented the same
19:43
Speaker 4: way every time, you could prepare for it, but it
19:45
Speaker 4: does it's always slightly different.
19:46
Speaker 3: I'm really glad you have that level of understanding, because
19:49
Speaker 3: I think a lot of women don't have that understanding
19:53
Speaker 3: just of how kids' brains are wired. And I think
19:56
Speaker 3: that that is a really good thing. I understand that
19:59
Speaker 3: when my kids come home from their dads that is
20:01
Speaker 3: going to be some type of who knows what, emotional release.
20:04
Speaker 3: But you can get yourself at peace before that that comes,
20:08
Speaker 3: because if you don't see the way of coming, then
20:10
Speaker 3: you're also overstimulated. And if you're telling me you have
20:12
Speaker 3: ADHD just like me, that can tip you over the
20:15
Speaker 3: edge and ruin an entire week.
20:17
Speaker 4: It just seems like you have so much insight, Yeah,
20:20
Speaker 4: and not taking it personally as well, you know, like
20:24
Speaker 4: when they do like sometimes they lash out because again
20:27
Speaker 4: like their kids, and sometimes the way that they lash
20:29
Speaker 4: out can be hurtful if you don't have that kind
20:32
Speaker 4: of mentality of I guess understanding it. And I think,
20:37
Speaker 4: you know, I think it's really hard for them because
20:38
Speaker 4: you know their dad and I, I mean, we certainly
20:41
Speaker 4: don't hang out. We make an effort to always be like,
20:45
Speaker 4: you know, polite in front of the kids. And I
20:47
Speaker 4: will never I think I said this last time, but
20:49
Speaker 4: I will never speak badly about him in front of
20:52
Speaker 4: my kids, because like it or not, they're half me
20:54
Speaker 4: and half him, So any criticism of him they are
20:58
Speaker 4: going to take on as criticism of themselves and it
21:00
Speaker 4: just doesn't benefit anyone.
21:02
Speaker 3: But sometimes it's hard, or maybe it would be so
21:05
Speaker 3: hard because you're like in the background, you're thinking your
21:07
Speaker 3: dad is being a complete twit but I cannot vent.
21:10
Speaker 3: And I think that that is honestly so strong of you,
21:14
Speaker 3: but also for the best, because as they grow and
21:16
Speaker 3: as they develop, kids are smart. They're going to be
21:19
Speaker 3: able to breed between the lines. They're going to be
21:21
Speaker 3: able to see those things. And you want to be
21:23
Speaker 3: that mum.
21:23
Speaker 2: Where in retrospect kids look back and go far out.
21:26
Speaker 3: My mum was so good. My mom was so supportive.
21:28
Speaker 3: She never spoke ill of dad. And we can almost guarantee,
21:32
Speaker 3: because we do know that you were married to a narcissist,
21:36
Speaker 3: that that story on the flip side is not going
21:38
Speaker 3: to be the same. Are you finding that to be
21:40
Speaker 3: a really challenging part of going through.
21:43
Speaker 4: This, to be completely honest, No, And I think part
21:46
Speaker 4: of that is just because I have just so completely
21:50
Speaker 4: taken on the belief that all I can control is myself.
21:53
Speaker 4: All I can control is myself and the way that
21:55
Speaker 4: I show up for my kids and the way that
21:57
Speaker 4: I yeah, the way that I speak about them or
22:00
Speaker 4: myself or their dad or anything like that. It's like
22:03
Speaker 4: the let them theory, right, if he wants to say
22:07
Speaker 4: bad things about me, let him let him, you know,
22:09
Speaker 4: Like I can't control that. And also in the same
22:12
Speaker 4: way that like, you know, the drunk guy stumbling out
22:16
Speaker 4: of the bar, if he says something mean to me, well,
22:17
Speaker 4: I don't respect his opinion. I don't respect my ex's opinion.
22:20
Speaker 4: So if he's got something to say to me, cool, whatever.
22:24
Speaker 3: That's very nice. Thank you, sir for that opinion. I'm
22:27
Speaker 3: going to put literally nowhere, so talk to me about
22:31
Speaker 3: I remember you were completely blindsided, right, and I don't
22:33
Speaker 3: think that you ever will have been the catalyst of
22:36
Speaker 3: change here, even if you didn't feel entirely happy, just
22:40
Speaker 3: from re listening to the episode and like understanding your
22:43
Speaker 3: story enough.
22:44
Speaker 2: Was this for the best?
22:46
Speaker 3: Oh my god? Because like there are women in these
22:50
Speaker 3: situations who, like, you know, maybe the husband hasn't pulled
22:52
Speaker 3: the trigger, but like they go, no, this is as
22:55
Speaker 3: good as it gets there.
22:58
Speaker 4: I just I don't even have words to explain how
23:02
Speaker 4: much it was for the best. Like even like my
23:04
Speaker 4: family and my friends have been like we didn't realize
23:08
Speaker 4: how much you had become a shell of yourself because
23:11
Speaker 4: it happened slowly. Right, It's the same as being with
23:13
Speaker 4: a narcissist. It's death by a thousand carps. It's not
23:15
Speaker 4: one insult it's not one moment. It's a slowly chipping
23:19
Speaker 4: away at you and your self esteem and your self worth.
23:23
Speaker 4: And I had become And it was only after it
23:27
Speaker 4: ended that people were like, oh my god, she's back,
23:30
Speaker 4: and I.
23:30
Speaker 2: Was like, oh my god, I'm back.
23:32
Speaker 4: I didn't know I was gone, but hi, I Hey,
23:35
Speaker 4: I'm like a fully formed person with opinions and jokes.
23:40
Speaker 4: So and now, I mean, like I said, I'm all
23:43
Speaker 4: very woooed. I do my gratitude like meditation and stuff
23:47
Speaker 4: like that, and I mean, it's just so wild to
23:49
Speaker 4: think about, like a year and a half ago, how
23:51
Speaker 4: desperately I wanted it all to go back together. Now
23:54
Speaker 4: I'm like, i'd literally give gratitude to the universe for
23:57
Speaker 4: removing me from that situation that I'd never have been
24:00
Speaker 4: brave enough to leave myself, because I wouldn't, you know.
24:03
Speaker 4: I think looking back, I probably knew deep down the
24:07
Speaker 4: relationship itself wasn't great and wasn't what I needed or
24:12
Speaker 4: what I wanted, But I was willing to stay in
24:13
Speaker 4: that forever for the sake of my kids and the
24:15
Speaker 4: sake of my family. I would never have walked away.
24:17
Speaker 4: So in a weird way, I'm grateful that he did it.
24:20
Speaker 4: I think the way he did it was pretty brutal,
24:23
Speaker 4: but you know, it is what it is. And I
24:26
Speaker 4: just as much as this has been so so so
24:29
Speaker 4: hard and I'm still just coming out of the thick
24:32
Speaker 4: of it, I think like, once I've finally got those
24:35
Speaker 4: consent orders finalized and the divorce finalized and we can
24:38
Speaker 4: start to move on, I feel like there'll be such
24:42
Speaker 4: a weight off my shoulders and already, like life is,
24:46
Speaker 4: it's just better.
24:48
Speaker 3: Your tone of voice has changed, Like your tone of voice,
24:50
Speaker 3: the way obviously everyone can't see you, but the way
24:53
Speaker 3: you're presenting, like you are smiling the whole way through this,
24:56
Speaker 3: like there is a green on your face when you
24:58
Speaker 3: talk about your woo woof stuff, like I'm a bit
25:00
Speaker 3: woo weoy, and I'm.
25:01
Speaker 2: Like, it's not woo woo.
25:02
Speaker 3: I've been doing a lot of research recently on into gratitude, right,
25:07
Speaker 3: and it is one of the only emotions that is
25:09
Speaker 3: a learned emotion. It is not an emotion that we
25:12
Speaker 3: are born with. We are not born grateful. We are
25:14
Speaker 3: not born with the ability to be grateful. We have
25:17
Speaker 3: to learn that. And I think that once you start
25:19
Speaker 3: learning that and really deeply understand that you're teaching yourself
25:22
Speaker 3: an emotion and you start reflecting on it, like you
25:26
Speaker 3: just become so happy about the little things, like you
25:30
Speaker 3: know that we look at people and go, oh my god,
25:32
Speaker 3: like how is she having such a good day? And
25:34
Speaker 3: then you ask them and they go babes because the
25:36
Speaker 3: sun's out, like what a good day? And you just go,
25:39
Speaker 3: how do I be more like you? The answer is gratitude.
25:41
Speaker 3: It is you know, doing all of the woo woo stuff.
25:44
Speaker 3: It is journaling, It is writing things down and going, wow,
25:47
Speaker 3: I'm teaching myself a whole lass new emotion and coming
25:51
Speaker 3: to that conclusion and realizing, wow, nobody is born with
25:54
Speaker 3: this because people are born needing. People are born needing
25:57
Speaker 3: to be looked after and wanting to be looked d after.
26:00
Speaker 3: And it's not until you actually start to be grateful.
26:04
Speaker 3: And that is it's in exclusively human emotion, right, Like
26:07
Speaker 3: animals aren't grateful, like they don't care, Like your dog
26:11
Speaker 3: might look grateful, but I promise you they're there for
26:13
Speaker 3: the treat. But being able to teach yourself that over
26:16
Speaker 3: the last twelve months would have been life changing. But
26:20
Speaker 3: like your entire mindset has shifted, and I can just
26:22
Speaker 3: see it on your face. I can see the glow,
26:24
Speaker 3: and I'm just so excited for you.
26:26
Speaker 4: It's the choosing right You've got to Like you said,
26:29
Speaker 4: it is the only emotion that you have to learn,
26:32
Speaker 4: but you have to choose to learn it. And definitely
26:34
Speaker 4: in the beginning, you have to make that active choice
26:37
Speaker 4: every day and it's one of those things that gets easier.
26:40
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's like it's like a muscle. You have
26:42
Speaker 4: to keep doing it and that you know, There've been
26:43
Speaker 4: periods where I have gotten lazy with it or whatever,
26:50
Speaker 4: and I just noticed such a difference, and like it's
26:52
Speaker 4: just such a it's such an interesting concept, and I'm
26:55
Speaker 4: just I'm so fascinated by, like the neuroplasticity of the
26:59
Speaker 4: brain and the ability that we have to change things. Think,
27:03
Speaker 4: our brains are not made of concrete. They're so malleable
27:06
Speaker 4: and we can just make these choices every day as
27:09
Speaker 4: to how we see things and what we're grateful for. It's,
27:11
Speaker 4: you know, the same thing you tell I tell my kids, like,
27:14
Speaker 4: whether you think you can or you can't, you're probably right.
27:17
Speaker 4: So let's just tell ourselves.
27:19
Speaker 2: That we can.
27:19
Speaker 3: My mom used to tell me that I should listen
27:22
Speaker 3: more often. Tell me a bit more about your money
27:25
Speaker 3: habits and how they might have changed in the last
27:27
Speaker 3: twelve months. Like with all of this, like I guess
27:30
Speaker 3: reintroduction of gratitude and trying to really work on yourself
27:34
Speaker 3: and your mindset and going through everything that you're going through,
27:37
Speaker 3: has the way you have been spending and allocating money changed.
27:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely, And partly out of the gratitude and partly
27:44
Speaker 4: just out of necessity. I'm much more mindful now than
27:48
Speaker 4: you know, because there's no one else's income coming in
27:51
Speaker 4: that's going to like create a buffer or whatever. So yeah,
27:55
Speaker 4: I'm much more mindful. And I mean I did have
27:57
Speaker 4: a bit of a period where things were all just
27:59
Speaker 4: so in the air that I did get kind of
28:02
Speaker 4: lazy in terms of my money behaviors and things like that.
28:07
Speaker 4: And it was funny, like I found myself starting to
28:10
Speaker 4: repeat some old patterns of like, oh, okay, so I'll
28:13
Speaker 4: go and do some online shopping, like buying this new
28:16
Speaker 4: dress or buying this new shirt. We'll fix this and like,
28:19
Speaker 4: you know, newsflash.
28:20
Speaker 1: It doesn't.
28:21
Speaker 4: That's never the thing in fact, that makes you feel worse.
28:24
Speaker 4: So yeah, and I think for me, it's about recognizing
28:28
Speaker 4: those patterns of behavior and being like, no, you don't.
28:31
Speaker 4: That's not going to fix it, you know, Like you say,
28:34
Speaker 4: like you should put like twenty four hours between a purchase.
28:36
Speaker 4: So it's about doing that. But then it's also about yeah,
28:40
Speaker 4: like recognizing those patterns of behaviors and finding other things
28:43
Speaker 4: to insert their instead. So you know, instead of doing that,
28:47
Speaker 4: I'm gonna like paint my nails a different color. Maybe
28:50
Speaker 4: that'll give me the boost that I feel like I need,
28:53
Speaker 4: you know, like, and obviously you know, I do my
28:55
Speaker 4: nails at home because who the hell can afford to
28:57
Speaker 4: go out and pay for that these days.
28:58
Speaker 2: I was talking to the oh that did a blood
29:00
Speaker 2: test for me about that today. She's like, your nails
29:02
Speaker 2: look lovely. Where do you go?
29:03
Speaker 3: And I was like, god, friends, I am not going anywhere.
29:05
Speaker 3: I'm not like please, don't get me wrong. If you're
29:07
Speaker 3: a nail tech, you are worth the money, but I
29:10
Speaker 3: cannot justify spending it on my fingers right now.
29:13
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's me. And so I think one of the
29:15
Speaker 4: things that's been more difficult with the money habits is
29:19
Speaker 4: trying to not like, not actively and not in a
29:24
Speaker 4: way that's going to upset them. But educating the kids
29:27
Speaker 4: a bit more about money, because when it was two
29:29
Speaker 4: of us, and my husband earned a lot of money
29:32
Speaker 4: and I was earning as well, we didn't really have
29:36
Speaker 4: any like real barriers, and so if we said no
29:40
Speaker 4: to the kids, it was because we made a choice
29:42
Speaker 4: to say no. It wasn't that we couldn't afford it,
29:44
Speaker 4: Whereas now there are times where it's like, no, I
29:47
Speaker 4: can't afford that. But I try to be really mindful
29:48
Speaker 4: and how I communicate that with the kids of like, oh,
29:50
Speaker 4: we haven't put money aside in the budget for this
29:53
Speaker 4: week or this month for that, so we're going to
29:56
Speaker 4: have to think about how we do that and where
29:58
Speaker 4: we might get that money from. And I think that's
30:01
Speaker 4: for me is more of it is like because I
30:03
Speaker 4: was married so young and in that relationship, there wasn't
30:05
Speaker 4: that like, oh my god, we literally can't afford things
30:08
Speaker 4: very often, which I know is like crazy privilege one
30:11
Speaker 4: hundred percent. I acknowledge that, but now it's like, oh, no,
30:15
Speaker 4: like we have to be really mindful about where our
30:17
Speaker 4: money is going and things like that, and trying to
30:19
Speaker 4: educate the kids about that, like no, you can't just
30:21
Speaker 4: have that thing that you want that's going to be
30:23
Speaker 4: a birthday thing or a Christmas thing, that's not just
30:25
Speaker 4: we just get that because we get that, and I hope,
30:28
Speaker 4: you know, that will make them grateful. Like even this morning,
30:32
Speaker 4: they have like a fundraiser on at school. They needed
30:35
Speaker 4: a two dollar coin.
30:36
Speaker 2: No one has coins, I know, I know exactly.
30:39
Speaker 4: So I was like, well, I have to go past
30:40
Speaker 4: the servo because I'll have to get some change from
30:43
Speaker 4: a note that I had.
30:44
Speaker 2: And then they were like, oh, well, we can just
30:45
Speaker 2: use our own No.
30:46
Speaker 4: They whispered to each other what's going on where it's
30:49
Speaker 4: going to use our own money? And I was like, no, guys,
30:51
Speaker 4: that's fine, it's fine. And so it's like, I hope
30:55
Speaker 4: I'm not creating this fear for them around money of like,
30:59
Speaker 4: you know, Mum can't afford things and so therefore we've
31:01
Speaker 4: got to pay for that. But yeah, I don't know
31:04
Speaker 4: the right way to do it. I'm trying just not
31:06
Speaker 4: to make it stressful, but trying to make them understand
31:08
Speaker 4: that money is not infinite and we have to plan
31:14
Speaker 4: and budget.
31:15
Speaker 5: You know.
31:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that you're approaching it in exactly
31:18
Speaker 3: the right way, Like whenever I've had these conversations with
31:21
Speaker 3: other women going through these circumstances, I do say, try
31:26
Speaker 3: as much as you can to avoid language like we
31:28
Speaker 3: can't afford it. Not because that's a bad thing, because
31:31
Speaker 3: in certain circumstances we can't afford things, but more often
31:35
Speaker 3: than not, when you're communicating with children, we're not talking
31:37
Speaker 3: about not being able to afford the gas or electricity
31:40
Speaker 3: this month. We're talking about wants versus needs, And usually
31:44
Speaker 3: it's a want, And at that point we can go
31:46
Speaker 3: back to, oh, honey, we don't have that in the budget,
31:49
Speaker 3: or that's actually not on the grocery list this week,
31:51
Speaker 3: like let's try and add it next week, or let's
31:54
Speaker 3: talk about where we can pull that cash from. Because
31:57
Speaker 3: they're crafting their own little money story as time goes
32:01
Speaker 3: on and learning that oh my god, like you know,
32:04
Speaker 3: it could be a really good thing for them to
32:06
Speaker 3: be able to contribute to the fundraiser themselves and be like, wow,
32:09
Speaker 3: that actually really helps mum out, not because of the finance,
32:12
Speaker 3: but because it's a whole other task to go to
32:15
Speaker 3: the servo and if you've got two dollars there, that's great,
32:18
Speaker 3: we can do that and that's you know, really really
32:21
Speaker 3: generous of you. You're a very generous person. And I
32:24
Speaker 3: think that it's those stories that you share and the
32:26
Speaker 3: narrative around that because a lot of the time now
32:29
Speaker 3: reflecting on the career that I've had and the beautiful
32:31
Speaker 3: people that I've got to experience throughout that career, it's
32:35
Speaker 3: not how much money they had. It never was. It
32:39
Speaker 3: was how they were approaching that amount of money. And
32:41
Speaker 3: some of the most financially literate people I know grew
32:45
Speaker 3: up next to poverty because like overlaid over all of that.
32:49
Speaker 3: When your mum you just want your kids to have
32:51
Speaker 3: everything too, How does that play into it for you?
32:53
Speaker 3: Because like I want to give you all this stuff.
32:56
Speaker 4: And I think money for this generation is such an
32:58
Speaker 4: obscure concept. They don't see much money, so they don't
33:02
Speaker 4: really understand the value of things. And I think that's
33:06
Speaker 4: a really difficult one as well. Like sometimes you know,
33:09
Speaker 4: like if I'll say like saying, oh, you know, it's
33:11
Speaker 4: not in the budget this month, you know, have to
33:12
Speaker 4: figure that. And sometimes you know, my kids are say, Mum,
33:15
Speaker 4: how much money do you have? And I'm like that's
33:17
Speaker 4: a tricky question, Like you know, how do you answer
33:20
Speaker 4: that to a six year old and a nine year old,
33:22
Speaker 4: because yeah, if you told them how much money I have,
33:27
Speaker 4: that might sound like I have a lot to them
33:29
Speaker 4: because they're little kids. But then if you also told
33:32
Speaker 4: them how much debt I'm in with the mortgage, that
33:34
Speaker 4: might be tear like. So you I just don't want
33:36
Speaker 4: to make them afraid that like I don't have enough.
33:39
Speaker 4: But then you also don't like because you know, then
33:40
Speaker 4: kids go to school and people come home and go,
33:43
Speaker 4: my friend's dad's house costs two million dollars.
33:46
Speaker 3: And you're like, okay, oh my god. Yeah, and you're like, well,
33:50
Speaker 3: your friend's dad's in six million dollars worth of debt
33:53
Speaker 3: and is kind of a drop kick. So yeah, kids
33:59
Speaker 3: don't get it, and I think that that's where, you know,
34:01
Speaker 3: obviously not trying to give advice, but just like, clarifying
34:04
Speaker 3: questions are really helpful in those circumstances because like, often
34:07
Speaker 3: kids come with questions and we as adults put this
34:10
Speaker 3: overlay of what we think they mean onto.
34:12
Speaker 2: That how much money do you have, mum?
34:15
Speaker 3: And you might go, oh my god, what an overwhelming question.
34:17
Speaker 3: I now have to divulge my one hundred plus thousand
34:20
Speaker 3: dollars a year salary if you just said for what
34:23
Speaker 3: they go for food? Like and you go, ah, you
34:26
Speaker 3: want to just talk about the grocery budget? Like do
34:28
Speaker 3: you know what I mean?
34:29
Speaker 4: Like it's so true. It's like my daughter the other
34:31
Speaker 4: day because they're doing some stuff at school, I think,
34:33
Speaker 4: do they still watch like behind the news at school?
34:36
Speaker 5: Oh?
34:36
Speaker 3: Triggered?
34:37
Speaker 4: And so my daughter has been asking me about Trump
34:39
Speaker 4: and like whether Trump is going to impact Australia And
34:42
Speaker 4: I was like, well, anyway, and then I went into
34:45
Speaker 4: like a whole big, like ten minute ten talk about
34:47
Speaker 4: how how Trump may or may not impact Australian economy
34:51
Speaker 4: and we're okay because we've got other trade partners and
34:53
Speaker 4: we have free trade agreements now them. She was just like, Mama,
34:56
Speaker 4: I don't understand what you're talking about.
34:58
Speaker 2: And I was like, yep, yeah.
34:59
Speaker 3: And if you've been like what do you mean, like
35:00
Speaker 3: what do you think Trump, you know, is going to impact?
35:04
Speaker 3: And she might go food like they could be so basic.
35:09
Speaker 4: Children and my labrador the same food food food.
35:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundred percent. So tell me what's next? Like
35:16
Speaker 3: I know I'm running out of time with you very quickly.
35:19
Speaker 3: What's next?
35:20
Speaker 4: To you.
35:20
Speaker 3: I know you mentioned obviously another holiday, you would love
35:23
Speaker 3: to get a promotion and move up career wise, but
35:25
Speaker 3: are there any other goals that you're currently working towards.
35:28
Speaker 4: No. Right now, I'm just wanting to sit in my
35:31
Speaker 4: gratitude for what I have achieved. I'm actually really really
35:34
Speaker 4: looking forward to a day that I hope is in
35:36
Speaker 4: the near future where someone says to me, what's near, babe,
35:39
Speaker 4: and I go nothing, Everything's just ticking along. Everything's just happy,
35:45
Speaker 4: and I'm just living life and just happy. So to
35:48
Speaker 4: be honest, like, besides trying to save and take the
35:52
Speaker 4: kids on some holidays, like, I just really feel like
35:55
Speaker 4: I've achieved so much of what I wanted to achieve
35:58
Speaker 4: with getting this like home for them. Yeah, to be honest,
36:02
Speaker 4: I mean I want to get back into like investing
36:05
Speaker 4: a bit more and stuff like that. I think, you know,
36:08
Speaker 4: knowing that obviously I've got the super split that I
36:11
Speaker 4: will be getting is great, like and that's a really
36:13
Speaker 4: good peace of mind thing for me, but obviously that
36:16
Speaker 4: doesn't help things day to day. Like now, that's great
36:20
Speaker 4: for future me to know about. But yeah, to be honest,
36:23
Speaker 4: for right now, I would just like a period of
36:25
Speaker 4: no big, huge life changes or life goals.
36:30
Speaker 3: You know what, I think that's perfect. Sometimes we just
36:32
Speaker 3: want monotony, Like I just want tomorrow to be really predictable,
36:36
Speaker 3: And I think that's a really great place, Money Dirist,
36:39
Speaker 3: it has been a pleasure catching up with you and
36:42
Speaker 3: I just we still haven't gotten to cross paths in person,
36:44
Speaker 3: but I just know that we're going to get along
36:46
Speaker 3: so well when we do.
36:48
Speaker 2: But it's been a pleasure.
36:50
Speaker 4: We need some spicy margs.
36:51
Speaker 3: I think, oh, we need so many spicy marugs and
36:54
Speaker 3: like then we can talk about all the juicy stuff
36:56
Speaker 3: that we might not want to put on a podcast,
36:58
Speaker 3: But Money Dirist, it's it's been an absolute pleasure. And
37:01
Speaker 3: I'm sure hopefully we can check in in another twelve
37:04
Speaker 3: months and be like, how's this gone.
37:06
Speaker 2: What's the update you're officially divorced, Like, let's have a party.
37:10
Speaker 3: Because content like this while juicy, so spicy, right, like
37:14
Speaker 3: so fun sometimes to be a listener. It is a
37:17
Speaker 3: beautiful story of coming through things that we didn't think
37:21
Speaker 3: we could ever anticipate. It is a story of you know,
37:24
Speaker 3: rebuilding after literally being smacked completely down and blindsided. And
37:28
Speaker 3: I just I hope that through this content that we
37:32
Speaker 3: put out in these conversations that we have in jest
37:34
Speaker 3: about kids wanting food, you realize that you two could
37:37
Speaker 3: do that if you're put in that situation, and you too,
37:40
Speaker 3: can rebuild your life and it be even better. And
37:42
Speaker 3: you're thanking the universe twelve months ago for going through
37:45
Speaker 3: what arguably was something you did not ever, ever, ever
37:48
Speaker 3: want to happen. So I just thank you for sharing
37:51
Speaker 3: your journey with the community, because I just know that
37:53
Speaker 3: there are going to be some of our community members
37:55
Speaker 3: listening to this, being like I needed that so much
37:58
Speaker 3: more than I thought I did.
38:01
Speaker 4: Yes, well, yeah, it definitely you can do it all.
38:05
Speaker 4: You're stronger than you ever ever ever know, but also
38:10
Speaker 4: have your own damn money.
38:12
Speaker 2: Great place to leave it.
38:19
Speaker 5: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
38:22
Speaker 5: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
38:26
Speaker 5: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
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