Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 644: AVOIDANTS May COME BACK When These Two Things Happen

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Episode 644: AVOIDANTS May COME BACK When These Two Things Happen · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  So your ex is an avoidant, huh? And they dumped you and you want
• 0:05
  them back? OK, Your avoidant ex may come
• 0:08
  back if you do these two things. What are they?
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  Well, stay tuned and you'll find out.
• 0:15
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 0:22
  Welcome back, my beautiful No no contact army.
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  Have you been a good little soldier or a bad little soldier?
• 0:29
  If you've been good, you stayed in no contact and hopefully my
• 0:32
  app Silencio helped you to do that and you can download that.
• 0:36
  Under the link is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:40
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 0:43
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the Bell
• 0:46
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 0:50
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 0:54
  you purchase the book. So if you have an anxious
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  attachment style, being dumped by an avoidant is probably one
• 1:02
  of the most difficult things you'll ever go through.
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  You're going to feel abandoned, and usually you're left without
• 1:08
  closure. So if you want them back, there
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  are two things you absolutely must do #1 as you may have
• 1:17
  guessed it is go no contact. I can pretty much guarantee that
• 1:21
  if you do not, especially if you don't do no contact properly,
• 1:28
  the chances of getting your ex back are slim to none.
• 1:31
  You must go no contact because if you continue to contact them
• 1:36
  after they've dumped you, they will lose even more attraction
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  to you as they see that as weakness and avoidance, hate
• 1:45
  weakness and also they will lose respect for you and you can't
• 1:50
  have love without respect. Now if they broke up with you
• 1:54
  abruptly, it's for one of two reasons.
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  One, it's because they felt that their independence and freedom
• 2:00
  was being limited. They felt suffocated and they
• 2:03
  needed to pull away just to be their own person.
• 2:06
  They were not getting the alone time that they needed, and
• 2:09
  avoidance need alone time, like most people need oxygen, and
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  they felt that their life would be better without being in a
• 2:18
  relationship, meaning without you in it.
• 2:20
  Remember, avoidance already have one foot out the door, so it
• 2:24
  doesn't take much to get the other foot out the door if you
• 2:27
  have an anxious attachment style.
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  Your ex was also probably feeling that you were leaning on
• 2:32
  them too much. You were being too needy.
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  They felt pressured when that happened, and in order to
• 2:39
  relieve that pressure, they pulled away.
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  So even if you thought you weren't leaning on them too
• 2:44
  much, it really depends on the threshold of tolerance that they
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  have for what they consider needy behavior.
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  And avoidance have a much lower threshold for needy behavior
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  than someone with a secure or an axious attachment style.
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  So something like, let's say they take several hours to get
• 3:05
  back to you, 345 hours, whatever.
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  And you mentioned something, they're going to get triggered.
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  It's like back off. Don't tell me when to get back
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  to you. You know, don't bring up the
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  fact that it took me 3-4 or five hours.
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  You know, I have my reasons for not contacting you for that
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  long. So even something like that
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  which you don't consider it needy, but they do.
• 3:28
  OK, so if you find this video helpful, be sure to give it a
• 3:31
  like. That way we can help our friend
• 3:34
  the YouTube algorithm to suggest it to other people and they too
• 3:38
  can get their avoidance X back. OK, so #2.
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  The second thing you need to do to get your ex back if they're
• 3:47
  avoidant is you have to work on yourself.
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  Especially if you have an anxious attachment cell, which I
• 3:53
  keep mentioning, and most of my clients are anxious.
• 3:57
  And if they had only worked on themselves before they got into
• 4:00
  the relationship that they contact me about, they wouldn't
• 4:03
  even have needed my help. So if you do have an anxious
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  attachment cell, I actually recently found a book that you
• 4:11
  must read. It's called Anxiously Attached
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  and I will put the link in the notes underneath the video on
• 4:18
  YouTube. The author was anxiously
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  attached, so she definitely understands you and you want to
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  work on your anxiety, not just to get your ex back, but just
• 4:29
  because life is so much easier when you're not constantly
• 4:33
  anxious about everything. And chances are high that your
• 4:38
  ex will be stalking your social media or trying to get
• 4:42
  information about you since you have not contacted them.
• 4:45
  Since you're doing no contact and people think, Oh my ex isn't
• 4:48
  thinking about me, they're not looking for me, you would be
• 4:52
  surprised. They are definitely up to
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  something even if you think they're not.
• 4:59
  So this is how you can show them that you've changed and you
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  worked on yourself. My clients are always worried
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  that their exes not going to know what they've changed unless
• 5:06
  they actually tell them, Well, there's more than one way to
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  deliver a message, right? Energy doesn't lie, and they'll
• 5:14
  be able to see it in your energy.
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  When you actually do change in the photos that you post, the
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  videos, the type of things that you post, or if they see you in
• 5:24
  person, they're going to know that you've changed.
• 5:26
  And one of my clients, he met up with his ex and they hadn't seen
• 5:30
  each other. I think it was about a year or
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  maybe a little less. And his ex said that as soon as
• 5:35
  she saw him, she knew he had changed just from his energy, so
• 5:40
  he didn't even have to say anything.
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  OK, so if you're worried, oh, how's my ex going to know I
• 5:44
  changed, don't worry, just change and they will see it.
• 5:48
  OK, So the no contact coupled with the fact that you've grown
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  and changed is going to be the trigger that they need to want
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  to reach out to you. They don't want to miss out on
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  the new and improved version of you.
• 6:00
  If they still have feelings for you, they're going to experience
• 6:03
  FOMO which I talked about in my video 7 Reasons Why the no
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  contact rule works on everyone and I will of course put the
• 6:11
  link on YouTube in the upper right hand corner.
• 6:15
  And then finally, I just want to say that with the anxious and
• 6:19
  avoidant couple, the quote dumpy cry now, laugh later, dumper
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  laugh now, cry later definitely applies because the anxious
• 6:30
  partner who was dumped will feel terrible in the beginning, but
• 6:34
  as they go through no contact and work on themselves, they
• 6:38
  will start to feel better. The avoidant will feel great at
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  the beginning because they have their independence back.
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  But as time goes by and they see that you're not reaching out and
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  they may also possibly see on social media or hear that
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  they've levelled up, that you've levelled up, they will start to
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  feel bad. And that's the moment at which
• 7:00
  you can get them back. OK, so now when I hear from you,
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  is your ex and avoidant? And how long have you been in no
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  contact? And if you would like my help to
• 7:11
  get your ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net.
• 7:15
  The direct link is below every single video and podcast.
• 7:18
  The rates are not on the page. If you found this video helpful,
• 7:22
  please like, subscribe and share.
• 7:24
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 7:28
  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 7:32
  enlightens.