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Bedroom Silence: When Sex Acts Become Something You "Put Up With" · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for April 30th, 2026 Bedroom silence, when sex acts become
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  something you put up with.
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  There's a lot of putting up with and living with in couples' sex lives,
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  so I'm going to devote two days to these issues.
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  Be aware today's post will be a bit more explicit than I usually get here.
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  There are various ways we put up with sex we don't really care for.
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  What makes this tricky is people are very different about sex.
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  Sam thinks a certain sex act is amazing.
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  Chris can take it or leave it. and Terry finds it offensive, gross, or degrading.
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  Beyond that, we change over time. So Sam might move from amazing to so-so,
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  and Terry might move from no way to fun once in a while.
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  One example of this for women is breast play. Some really like it,
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  and a very few can climax from nipple stimulation.
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  But some women get nothing out of it, and some find it distracting.
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  As one woman told her husband, if you play with my breast much,
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  I probably won't have an orgasm. Another common one is oral sex.
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  Most, but not all men, are all about pleasuring their wives in this way While
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  women are anywhere from loving it to hating it The fear, of course,
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  is that sharing these things with your spouse Will hurt their feelings or mess
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  up sex But here's the thing If your spouse is loving,
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  they want to know about such issues They would rather give up something you
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  don't like than enjoy it at your expense,
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  If you share about such things, start by saying, it's me If you know why you
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  have an issue with it, share that But you don't have to understand it for it
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  to be valid to dislike it.
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  Also, understand you're not necessarily saying no more to whatever.
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  For some things, that may be the right way to go. But for some things,
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  there's a third alternative.
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  The woman who is turned off by breastplate can encourage her husband to enjoy
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  her breasts at other times, or when they are going to have sex just for him.
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  For oral sex, maybe it's not the act, but the position. Perhaps it would be
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  okay after she had an orgasm.
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  If his ejaculation is the issue, try doing it in the shower,
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  or do it as part of foreplay, or start that way and finish by hand.
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  Another version of this is the man who has sex in a way that is not his first,
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  second, or third choice because it's what works for his wife.
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  It's not that he dislikes what they do, but there are other ways he'd prefer to do it.
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  It might be the position they use, having the lights off, how foreplay is done, or many other things.
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  If doing it another way would make sex difficult for her or prevent her from
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  having an orgasm, then his silence is a loving sacrifice. But there may be other options.
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  If it's been years since the issue has been discussed, things may have changed for her.
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  Maybe whatever would work for her now. If it's about position,
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  have sex the way she needs till she climaxes, and then switch to what he prefers.
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  For lighting, switch from total darkness to a candle. Switching up the order
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  of sex might also be a solution.
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  If a man wants to address things like this, he should start by making it clear
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  he is not willing to lessen sex for her.
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  But if she can be flexible without costing her, he'd like to try making some changes.
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  If she occasionally wants to do something that doesn't work for her out of love,
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  he should accept that with gratitude and humility.
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  This is Paul, and doing sex well is an evolving dance.