Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / OMG This Masturbation Article Is Enraging

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OMG This Masturbation Article Is Enraging · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:07
  Psych mom, show today, I am doing a podcast on something
• 0:12
  that I did a video about. And it was this ridiculous.
• 0:15
  Ridiculous. Scary, mommy article that I'm
• 0:20
  going to post in the description of this.
• 0:22
  It was like unbelievably stupid and misguided.
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  I felt it was this woman was asking advice from another woman
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  and this column. And basically the woman is
• 0:33
  saying that she has Sex with her husband wanted to times a month
• 0:38
  because she is too tired, but yet she masturbates every single
• 0:43
  morning in the shower and her husband was hurt to walk in and
• 0:47
  see this. So I mean, yeah, no shit, right?
• 0:50
  I mean like no shit. But anyway, so she asks the
• 0:54
  other woman who I don't know what her credentials are but
• 0:57
  either way she responds basically you go girl this is
• 1:01
  self-care. There's a here with this one is
• 1:04
  a A really great paragraph. Wait, hold that the great
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  paragraph. In other words, sex is is an
• 1:12
  important part of intimacy but it's not necessarily in
• 1:14
  competition with your morning ritual of self-care.
• 1:19
  Maybe you could gently explain this to your husband, the next
• 1:22
  time he interrupts, maybe you can even offer to send him an
• 1:25
  explicit update at a picture. If he cleans up from the kids
• 1:29
  breakfast, giving him a little something to think about until
• 1:33
  your next rendezvous. Holy shit.
• 1:36
  Oh my God, as I said, in my secret, Facebook group, which
• 1:38
  y'all should join, and somebody gave me this showed this article
• 1:43
  in the group. I was like, could you imagine if
• 1:46
  this was gender reversed? So listen, so it's a guy in my
• 1:51
  now. Hypothetical gender reverse who
• 1:53
  writes in and says he's too tired to have sex with his wife,
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  more than one to two times a month.
• 1:59
  But he's got a jack off every morning in the shower of course.
• 2:03
  And what He do when she's kind of trying to make him feel
• 2:07
  guilty about this. Could you imagine if the
• 2:09
  response was sex is important part of intimacy but it's not
• 2:14
  necessarily in competition with your morning ritual of
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  self-care. Maybe you can gently explain
• 2:20
  this to your wife. The next time she interrupts,
• 2:23
  maybe you can even offer to send her a dick pic if she cleans up
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  from the kids breakfast, giving her a little something to think
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  about until you fuck her again, in two weeks.
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  What But what that would be insane.
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  The internet would just turn off.
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  It would be consumed with people saying, what a turd this guy was
• 2:44
  this hypothetical guy, but yet like when it's the a woman doing
• 2:49
  it, it's like go good and gravy. It's not, it's not if she's
• 2:54
  having sex with him. Cool, you know.
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  But, like the other thing that I wanted to say was the way that
• 3:01
  it's titled is just Because you're bored with sex.
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  Doesn't mean you can't masturbate.
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  What what like that is crazy. The guy isn't board with SEC.
• 3:14
  It's a relationship, right? Like he probably feels
• 3:17
  tremendous grief and loss over there not happening at all sex
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  life, which is probably the definition of a sexless
• 3:27
  marriage. If it really is only once a
• 3:30
  month, she said, 122 you know, women tend to overestimate these
• 3:34
  you know from In my experience as a couple's counselor.
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  So really it's a pretty much a sexless marriage because she's
• 3:41
  quote board with sex and so instead, she's going to use her
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  limited finite energy to jerk off.
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  Female equivalent in the shower every day.
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  Oh my God. What if it was a dude?
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  I mean that guy would like reap such horrible consequences on
• 4:00
  the internet from saying that as well, he should because it would
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  be super selfish. As I talked about in my podcast,
• 4:06
  about masturbation is the junk food of married sex or whatever.
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  I think that was the title. If you have an awesome sex life,
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  you're doing a lot of shit. And then masturbating is just
• 4:16
  like a little force on of excitement on top.
• 4:18
  Great, you know how many couples I know doing that with in
• 4:21
  monogamy, after children and their 40s zero.
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  So the ones that are doing it are too busy getting busy in
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  order to listen to my podcast on marital self-help.
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  So if your marriage is anything less than Sublime in the sex
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  Department, either one of you using your sexual energy in a
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  completely definitionally self Ishq Direction selfish puts.
• 4:48
  It is literally what else is masturbating?
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  I mean, you not like building the pyramids here.
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  It's a dopamine hit that is purely for one's self.
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  Sure, think about yourself as much as you'd like, but don't do
• 5:04
  it too. Detriment of the relationship or
• 5:07
  the family and I, of course, they the family because guess
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  what, your husband's part of your family, you know, it's not
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  just the children. So if this woman decided to stop
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  masturbating, just as I advise men, who are using porn every
• 5:22
  night or any born to stop using it.
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  She would notice guess, what, if he was, the only game in town,
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  she would notice an uptick in her desire.
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  The body gets attuned to certain things.
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  Her Sex Drive is now Now, purely for masturbation.
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  She gets horny in the shower, if she stopped doing that, her sex
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  drive wouldn't just go away. She would still want to have
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  probably maybe a little bit less sex, but, you know what,
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  possibly the same amount because that's what her body likes.
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  And she would just be doing it with him.
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  If if mr. Mason was no longer an option,
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  they could think outside the box, perhaps since he does seem
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  to be in the house when she's doing this, maybe he could come
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  up, it doesn't. Very long, you know, for
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  unfortunately for many couples and if you're masturbating in
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  the shower, she's probably not in there for a half hour, so,
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  whatever the Hell she's doing, she could probably be teaching
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  him to do or doing with him and maybe it wouldn't be every
• 6:19
  morning. Maybe every other morning,
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  maybe, you know, the kids are up or I don't know what the point
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  is though. Think about how this would sound
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  if a guy was saying it and then you'll see how truly selfish it
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  is and it is not selfish in a cute way.
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  Come get us. Self-care ritual doesn't make it
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  cute. All it is, is taking away
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  something from your spouse, which for many men is like super
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  important and the main way that they express closeness and
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  instead just literally jacking off and throwing it out the
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  window, it would be similar to If a woman said to a man, I
• 6:54
  really want to do date night. I want to do, I want to go out
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  to dinner and have a romantic dinner and he said, but I just
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  don't get hungry at 6:00 and she's thinking, okay.
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  Well, I mean, I guess I got to respect Bodily autonomy.
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  Yeah. Right, that she would say it,
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  but let's say she did. I'll just got to respect his
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  bodily autonomy. He doesn't get hungry at 6:00
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  poor man. Okay, I guess we'll never go out
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  to a dinner date and then she sees him at 7:00 stuffing, his
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  face with leftovers in the fridge.
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  She be like, what the hell happened?
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  He'd be like, oh, I just guess I'm Board of Ed eating of eating
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  at 6:00. What the fuck?
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  Come on. That's some bullshit, right?
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  And she would be within her rights to be extremely upset,
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  the person has a need to eat. Eat.
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  But he's just deciding to do it at a slightly different time.
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  That doesn't involve. Her takes a hell of a lot less
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  effort and sauce is definitionally selfish.
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  So if you are somebody who thinks that your masturbation is
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  not doing anything bad for the relationship and for the sex
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  life in the relationship and it's in this other bucket
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  somehow, I don't know what this other bucket is, where she's
• 7:58
  saying that these two things don't intersect, this is like
• 8:00
  there's some meme that's where like a kid said something like,
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  oh, I'm not hungry. For dinner.
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  But I have a cookie shaped hole in my stomach that could, you
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  know, where I could eat a cookie?
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  So, like I have like two different spaces, one for
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  dinner, that one's not hungry, but the one for the cookie is
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  hungry. This isn't real.
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  You know, as any adult knows, you know, yet that is not real,
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  like you're either hungry or you're not hungry.
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  In that case the kid is not hungry, but also would like a
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  cookie that is what's going on here.
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  Like she, she's saying that there's two separate sources
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  It's of things. There isn't, there's one sex
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  drive. So back in the children and the
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  cookie example, if the kid was hungry, he dinner right?
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  Like to eat a cookie instead of dinner, but if he was real
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  hungry, he'd eat dinner. If the Woman's real hungry in
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  this metaphorical sense, she is going to have sex.
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  But she's not allowing herself to get real hungry because she
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  snacking before dinner. It's just not right, you know,
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  it's not right, and it's not fair and it's not nice.
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  And if a man was doing it, it would be very bad.
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  So if you say Yeah, well, my husband does jack off all the
• 9:10
  time. Make him listen to the damn
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  podcast. Well, I mean good luck right?
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  Because you probably won't but the point is it would be just as
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  bad. So if you have a husband is
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  jerking off all the time and your sex life isn't good. 100%.
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  Bring him into a couples counseling. 1000% is totally
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  selfish to be taking his, his, our sex drive and squandering
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  it. It isn't extra.
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  There's no Separate category for masturbation.
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  It's like does your body want to have a sexual encounter or not?
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  You can certainly have a million reasons that masturbation is
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  easier but it's not self-care. It is sex, it is in the bucket
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  of sex and as I have said, many times sex is self-care.
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  Sex needs to be thought of as self-care.
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  But there's not just one form of lazy sex, that self-care.
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  It's either. You want sex or you don't want
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  sex. And if God is gracing you with
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  sexual desire, as a monogamous woman squandering, it on your
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  own self in the absence of a fulfilling sex life and
• 10:17
  something that offends your husband and then thinking that
• 10:21
  he shouldn't take it personally, I would love, love, love to see
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  how the advice giver would respond if she wanted to have
• 10:30
  sex in her husband said, no. And then the next morning he's
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  jerking off in the shower. I would Love to see her.
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  Consider it a morning, self-care ritual.
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  That's what men need to start calling jerking off.
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  That would be fucking hilarious, a morning self-care ritual, see
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  how well that goes. So anyway, the point is always
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  to point out like, tremendous and consistencies and double
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  standards, and I'm not saying I am big on the Sexes, are not
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  equal, I do not in any way. Think that this woman supposed
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  to have as high, a sex drive as your husband.
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  I don't think that In any way, it's supposed to be easy for her
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  husband necessarily to get her off.
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  I mean, certainly not easy because she won't even allow him
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  next to her. But, you know, it's certainly he
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  should definitely learn 100% how to get her off that may take him
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  longer than it. Would take a woman in the
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  reverse situation, men and women are different, they have
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  different biology, different sex drives, different sex drives in
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  monogamy a thousand times. Men and women are different.
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  However, selfish does not discriminate.
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  Selfish is a gender, you know, it is all gender.
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  It is anybody who takes something and makes it like only
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  for themselves. When it's supposed to be
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  something for the couple or ideally would be could even be
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  something for that you enjoy doing with your partner, you
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  don't even necessarily have to consider it a sacrifice in a
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  best-case scenario. She could think, oh, that's
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  great. I feel horny in the morning.
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  Okay I'm going to use that. And tell my husband that he has
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  to put the kids in front of the iPad for 10 minutes in the
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  morning. Because instead of masturbating,
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  I just found a way to use my morning sex drive for, you know,
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  both of us. So we can both get close and
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  enjoy our lives more, but she doesn't say that.
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  Instead she reaches out into an echo chamber for somebody that's
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  going to say something that she already knows what the answer is
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  going to be. She didn't write that question
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  into Men's Health you know, she wrote into scary Mommy.
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  So I don't know. The whole thing was just very
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  irritating. So I work all day with people
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  who are trying their hardest to To really in couples counseling
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  to really empathize with one another's position, almost makes
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  me forget in the regular World outside of people who are
• 12:43
  motivated enough to come into couples counseling.
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  This selfishness that abounds, you know, and this certainly
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  isn't just women not even at all.
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  It's 100% crosses, gender. It is no gender.
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  It is gender-free, it's selfishness and it's an another
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  podcast. I call it, the cult of the
• 13:00
  individual or the cult of personal preferences, or
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  whatever. The I said, where people put the
• 13:06
  individual over the relationship and there is no better example
• 13:10
  than this. So, you know, I'm just going to
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  make this one free episode. I was going to make it
• 13:15
  subscriber, but everybody ought to hear this stuff.
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  So I'm just going to put it out there in the universe and my
• 13:22
  next one will be subscriber. All right.
• 13:24
  Um, hopefully you guys found this interesting and if you take
• 13:28
  anything from it, it should be. If you have any sex drive at
• 13:31
  all, that's a woman. Thank thank God first.
• 13:34
  Stright or whoever you believe in that gave it to you because
• 13:37
  many women have zero and then try to use that to bond with
• 13:42
  your partner, he doesn't give a shit if you want to have sex at
• 13:45
  3 a.m. 3 p.m. you know whatever most men are going to make it
• 13:51
  happen. If you say, this is the type
• 13:53
  time of day that I want to have sex in today's telecommuting
• 13:56
  Society, I believe he should at least be given a chance to make
• 14:00
  it happen and if you say he can't get me off, well then you
• 14:03
  need to refer to all of my Podcast where you're supposed to
• 14:06
  train him, how to get you off. And if that's uncomfortable and
• 14:09
  awkward quesarasara, it's a couple of, you know, days of
• 14:13
  work in, you know, in a worst-case scenario and and then
• 14:17
  and then he can learn, you know, I mean, he does have a job, he's
• 14:21
  a mammal. Mammals can learn repetitive
• 14:23
  motion. I mean, you know, like it's not
• 14:25
  going to be the worst thing in the world and it's something you
• 14:28
  should have done a long time ago, really if you weren't so
• 14:30
  conflict avoidant, and if he is to sulci too, To be trained to
• 14:35
  get you off and he won't make it work.
• 14:37
  When you are actually horny to be the to be home or whatever,
• 14:41
  then go masturbate in the shower, have my blessing, but at
• 14:45
  least give him the opportunity to make use of your sex drive if
• 14:51
  you have one. All right, so that was that.
• 14:53
  And please, please do follow and love will not follow subscribe.
• 15:00
  The next one, will definitely be subscriber.
• 15:02
  This one was supposed to be but I just Just too irritated about
• 15:05
  this article that I'm now going to look to you in the
• 15:07
  descriptions. I'll talk to you all soon.