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The Cost of False Peace: Sacrificing Your Beliefs Hurts Your Marriage · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for May 12, 2026 The Cost of False Peace Sacrificing Your
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  Beliefs Hurt Your Marriage A great many things influence our choices,
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  and often we are not aware of some or many of those.
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  One factor is cognitive dissonance.
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  Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced when holding two or
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  more contradictory beliefs, values, or attitudes, or when behavior conflicts with beliefs.
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  No one likes mental discomfort, and we will do a great deal to avoid it.
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  In marriage, this can lead to justifying unhealthy behaviors in our spouse.
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  It can cause us to lower standards to match those of our spouse.
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  Or we may try to change what we think and feel to match them.
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  We do all of this in the name of avoiding conflict. More than once,
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  I have watched one spouse change their religious beliefs to match the changes in their spouse.
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  I've seen changes in how one spouse says the children should be raised to avoid conflict.
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  I've seen changes to line up politically. And I've seen one spouse try to enter
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  into sexual experiences they don't want, enjoy, or even see as moral to try
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  to keep their spouse happy.
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  I understand how uncomfortable it is to be at odds with your spouse on significant issues.
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  Sacrificing your beliefs, or pretending they don't matter, may seem like a good way to prevent that.
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  But it brings a false temporary peace. If your spouse continues to change away
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  from what you believe, how far are you willing to go?
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  Besides, our beliefs are a fundamental part of us.
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  Sacrificing them is violating who God made us to be. And that tears us up.
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  One extreme example of this is a husband or wife who enters into wife-swapping,
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  swinging, or an open marriage because their spouse wants it.
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  The fear is, if they don't go along, their spouse will either have an affair or leave them.
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  That might be what would happen, but violating yourself to prevent that is neither right nor healthy.
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  Another example is going to a church that teaches things you feel are contrary
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  to the Bible Not a few minor things, but big issues It eats at you,
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  but going to the same church seems more important There are also various ways
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  this happens with regards to child raising I'm all for a unified message to our kids,
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  but not at the cost of what we feel is right Once you start down any of those paths,
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  it's very difficult to turn back You have a better chance of
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  fighting whatever when it's just a suggestion than once you have gone there
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  Standing firm against your spouse is not a comfortable place to be But giving
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  in is wrong and ultimately does more harm Choose to stand firm and pray hard
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  Be open to the possibility you're wrong But don't give in just for peace This is Paul,
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  and sometimes doing marriage well means standing firm.