Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 80. 5 THINGS that turn us on 🔥 🌶 Lets get sexy!

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80. 5 THINGS that turn us on 🔥 🌶 Lets get sexy! · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apode Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
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Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
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Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
0:31
Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises.
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Speaker 1: I'm Tiana and I'm actually thank you for joining us.
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Speaker 1: We've got a spicy, fun, sexy episode for you today.
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Speaker 1: We're looking at our downloads and seeing which episodes were
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Speaker 1: most well received, most downloaded, most loved, and it was
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Speaker 1: all the ones about sex. So let's talk about it.
0:48
Speaker 2: We love talking about it, and apparently you guys love listening.
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Speaker 2: We do here with the juicy stuff today.
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Speaker 1: I think it's just because sex is still taboo and
0:55
Speaker 1: still something people don't want to talk about, or they
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Speaker 1: feel awkward talking about, or maybe they feel shameful, or
1:00
Speaker 1: they don't have people around them that talk about it.
1:02
Speaker 1: I think it's quite normal for us, but it's definitely
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Speaker 1: not for everyone. Yeah, but the numbers don't lie the
1:08
Speaker 1: numbers don't lie.
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Speaker 2: And I think we have this conversation as well, Like
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Speaker 2: what you mentioned is normalized for us, but for you listening,
1:14
Speaker 2: it might not be normalized in your friend group. Yes
1:17
Speaker 2: maybe up home, Yeah maybe at home, it wasn't a
1:19
Speaker 2: normalized thing to talk about. There's still a lot of
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Speaker 2: you know, sexual shame around the topic of sex and
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Speaker 2: intimacy and all of those things. So we want to
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Speaker 2: make it light, playful and fun and hopefully help you
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Speaker 2: remove some of the shame around these kind of topics.
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Speaker 1: And we also get it because we've carried sexual shame.
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Speaker 1: I not growing up like I couldn't talk about it.
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Speaker 1: I got uncomfortable talking about it. I projected my own
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Speaker 1: judgments onto other women when they were really sexually expressed.
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Speaker 1: And it's being really cool to go through that transition
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Speaker 1: of coming out the other side, and it feels so
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Speaker 1: normal and feel so beautiful because it gets to be
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Speaker 1: you know. So today we're talking about the five things
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Speaker 1: that really turn us on the most. And the reason
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Speaker 1: we're talking about this is not just to tell you
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Speaker 1: all about our sex life. It's too empower and remind you
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Speaker 1: of these little things that can make the biggest difference
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Speaker 1: in helping you tap into more pleasure. And it's not
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Speaker 1: just inside the bedroom with a partner. It's things that
2:08
Speaker 1: just make you feel really turned on. So we want
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Speaker 1: to access more of that pleasure wherever we can, but
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Speaker 1: especially with your intimate partners or your sexual self pleasurable
2:17
Speaker 1: moments that you have with yourself, and.
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Speaker 2: Making this more about pleasure and intimacy as opposed to
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Speaker 2: just performing or getting it done or just you know,
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Speaker 2: being like this one and done thing. It's got to
2:27
Speaker 2: it's something that you've got to tick off. Like, we
2:28
Speaker 2: don't want sex to be a topic where you have
2:30
Speaker 2: to just tick it off because it's something that you know,
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Speaker 2: rotations to be doing like that, it's meant to be
2:35
Speaker 2: slow and sensual. You want to enjoy the process. We
2:37
Speaker 2: want to bring that in today.
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Speaker 1: And whether you have sexual shame, or you're a mom
2:40
Speaker 1: and you've just had a baby, or you've lost yourself
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Speaker 1: or you've lost your body confidence, or you look back
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Speaker 1: at your younger self you're like, oh my gosh, I
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Speaker 1: was so frisky and adventurous, Like where has she gone? Like,
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Speaker 1: let's bring that back in because she's in there. There's
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Speaker 1: just conditioning or situations or trauma or outside noise that
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Speaker 1: has told you that that's a good, wrong, bad, right, whatever.
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Speaker 1: So we're going to bring it back in today and
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Speaker 1: share some of ours and hopefully inspire you to tap
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Speaker 1: back into that play for sexy energy. We love it
3:07
Speaker 1: all right. These are in no particular order, but one
3:09
Speaker 1: of my five is music, and I have a Spotify playlist.
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Speaker 1: If you guys want it, let me know, comment in
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Speaker 1: the foreg and I'll link it to you. Love it.
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Speaker 1: It's just titled spicy. It just gets me in the mood.
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Speaker 1: It helps my body relax, It kind of gets me
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Speaker 1: out of my head, back of my body, and it
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Speaker 1: just turns me on. Whether it's the tune of the music,
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Speaker 1: whether it's the words of the music, whether it's the
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Speaker 1: deep voices, whether it's the sexy voices of females, like
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Speaker 1: whatever it is. I just find different songs like just
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Speaker 1: do it for me in different ways. Yes, I so
3:37
Speaker 1: get that lit It's environment, doesn't it. Yeah, I've got
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Speaker 1: a playlist too.
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Speaker 2: Love it called seduice, Oh.
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Speaker 1: Nice, Nice's called spicy. It so good. It does.
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Speaker 2: It makes all the difference because it does I feel
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Speaker 2: like for women, it's very much a mental game. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: it's very much. If you're in your head, you're not
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Speaker 2: really in your body or in your pleasure.
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Speaker 1: It will affect your experience.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it does. It impacts you what's happening before
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Speaker 2: leading up to the bedroom, and yeah, what you're doing,
4:00
Speaker 2: how your day's been. So music, I feel kind of
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Speaker 2: just like softens your body in.
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Speaker 1: Doesn't it. And when you go to a dance class
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Speaker 1: and you're learning like a sexy routine, the song is
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Speaker 1: everything it is. Yeah, yeah, that's yours.
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Speaker 2: So I think for me, the mental build up is
4:15
Speaker 2: a really big thing for me. Hot Yeah, so for me,
4:18
Speaker 2: like I think the intimacy really does start at the
4:21
Speaker 2: beginning of the day and not actually the moment that
4:23
Speaker 2: you start being intimate or in the bedroom, whether it
4:25
Speaker 2: be with a partner or with yourself. It's more of
4:28
Speaker 2: like essential experience, whether that be through your different senses,
4:32
Speaker 2: so you know, hearing your partner say something to you,
4:36
Speaker 2: reading a text message from them.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Physical types that be just moisturizing your body really slowly
4:43
Speaker 2: and just like saying thanks and appreciating yourself or having
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Speaker 2: your partner do the little neck touches. Yeah, little you know,
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Speaker 2: side swipes or little bum grabs like yeah. Through that
4:51
Speaker 2: mental build up of those consistent things throughout the day,
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Speaker 2: it almost allows, at least for me personally allows me
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Speaker 2: to get mentally ready to be intimate and kind of
5:00
Speaker 2: like energetically open my body.
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Speaker 1: Love that for me is just oh oh so true.
5:07
Speaker 1: One thing that I really love. And I know not
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Speaker 1: everyone loves this, but I love lingerie and dressing up
5:12
Speaker 1: and it's something I kind of forgot about for years,
5:15
Speaker 1: even after Tyler, I didn't wear anything for ages. And
5:18
Speaker 1: then my girlfriend Megsi is always in like silky robes
5:22
Speaker 1: or a silky nighty or nude, beautiful lacy underwear. She's
5:27
Speaker 1: always very feminine like that, and it's something she teaches
5:29
Speaker 1: in a lot of her courses around this as well.
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Speaker 1: But she's always been my biggest inspiration for that, and
5:34
Speaker 1: I make a conscious effort now. I love buying lingerie,
5:37
Speaker 1: or even if it's just like layering it, like wearing
5:39
Speaker 1: lingerie and then a nighty and then a sexy robe
5:42
Speaker 1: and I've got the layers to take off and it
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Speaker 1: feels the experience, but it also just helps me feel
5:46
Speaker 1: quite feminine and it helps me step out of mum hat,
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Speaker 1: and it helps me step out of any masculine energy
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Speaker 1: that I might have been carrying for the day. The
5:54
Speaker 1: texture of the silk feeling on my skin and the
5:57
Speaker 1: look of the lace. I just really love it. And
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Speaker 1: Steve loves it. Loves a lingerie. He does anytime a
6:03
Speaker 1: rarity is like yep, come here.
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Speaker 2: It's almost like a queue, almost like it is a
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Speaker 2: cue putting this beautiful set on and you're getting in
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Speaker 2: the energy of like getting ready to be intimate or
6:12
Speaker 2: be central of being that playabul energy. Like it sounds bad,
6:14
Speaker 2: that's like obviously putting on a hat of like ew.
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Speaker 2: You know, you're putting on this costume and you're getting
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Speaker 2: ready to like enter this beauty.
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Speaker 1: If I don't want to have sex or be intimate
6:22
Speaker 1: and I come out of my moomoo, he knows the
6:25
Speaker 1: momo is not going to happen tonight. If I come
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Speaker 1: out in my black long, like beautiful lacy silk nighty
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Speaker 1: with a robe, He's like, Okay, when the kids go
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Speaker 1: to bed, you give me your cue. And I love
6:37
Speaker 1: it because it's also that build up too of like
6:39
Speaker 1: knowing that it's coming. That's really fun as well. Yeah,
6:42
Speaker 1: it's one of the It is a cute.
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Speaker 2: It's a beautiful cue, like the anticipation.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. So even if you don't feel fully confident in
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Speaker 1: your body, like find something it does make you feel
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Speaker 1: more sexy, like brother, it's a one piece, or whether
6:51
Speaker 1: it is just a dressing gown, something just like makes
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Speaker 1: you feel feminine step out of those other hats.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh, I love that. It's very empowering for me
6:59
Speaker 2: because I love one to feel just sexy in my body.
7:02
Speaker 2: And it's I've come a long way from the second
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Speaker 2: shame that I've had when I was younger to be
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Speaker 2: suppressing myself entirely, to being able to get to the
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Speaker 2: point where I feel sensual in my body and I
7:12
Speaker 2: get to like put on these beautiful pieces of like
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Speaker 2: lingerie and feel like I love my body and like
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Speaker 2: get to explore myself and then also get to do
7:20
Speaker 2: that for my partner as well, and so like for me,
7:22
Speaker 2: it's been always a big thing in my head. I'm like,
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Speaker 2: I love being able to create an experience for my
7:26
Speaker 2: partner because it just feels like such a connecting thing.
7:30
Speaker 2: It's so mud let me do this feel, let me
7:32
Speaker 2: take care of you, let me like you know, it
7:34
Speaker 2: just feels like really fun. So it is fun. I've
7:36
Speaker 2: always found a lot of enjoyment in doing that.
7:38
Speaker 1: Can we just talk about the tags on Honeyburdet? Oh? Sorry,
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Speaker 1: if we're paying four hundred dollars for a set of lingerie,
7:43
Speaker 1: they're not ripple with tags. And when you put the
7:45
Speaker 1: lingerie on it's obviously C three you can fully see
7:47
Speaker 1: this massive black tag grunt too, front, back side of
7:50
Speaker 1: the bra wherever it is. I'm like, this is horrendous
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Speaker 1: for a four hundred dollars set of lingerie. It's termed
7:55
Speaker 1: me off buying from them. I would love to know. Actually, girls,
7:58
Speaker 1: jump it to our forum. Where are you buying a
8:00
Speaker 1: beautiful lingerie? I went to Bras and Things. They've got
8:02
Speaker 1: a couple of really beautiful sets and I bought one online. Oh,
8:05
Speaker 1: I walked past the shop and Sydney with Steve the
8:07
Speaker 1: other week was like cloud something. I forget the brand.
8:10
Speaker 1: We were in a rush, but they looked like they
8:11
Speaker 1: had really nice things. So if you guys have any recommendations,
8:14
Speaker 1: please let me know. Love to know someone to spend
8:16
Speaker 1: four hundreds on one set for the tags we show angreed,
8:19
Speaker 1: not okay.
8:20
Speaker 2: I think lounge wear do some, but I haven't personally
8:23
Speaker 2: bought any from there.
8:24
Speaker 1: It just looks like really branded lounge lounge lounge lands,
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Speaker 1: like all around the unders and stuff.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, their underwear is like I don't know if the
8:30
Speaker 2: I've looked at the lazy ones though, Yeah, I don't
8:32
Speaker 2: know if they like the actual sets are like that. Yeah,
8:34
Speaker 2: but I do remember seeing they have some variety. I
8:36
Speaker 2: just personally haven't bought them.
8:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I might have a look on their look. Yeah,
8:39
Speaker 1: let us know if you guys have any other restomundations. Okay.
8:43
Speaker 1: My next one is don't forget to flirt with your partner,
8:46
Speaker 1: big one. Like I've been with Steve seventeen years, but
8:49
Speaker 1: we still flirt. Yeah, and it's so important. I mean,
8:52
Speaker 1: I love flirty text messages, sending photos. That's not for everyone.
8:55
Speaker 1: I know you don't love doing that, but I love
8:57
Speaker 1: doing that for Steve. Even during out the day, like
9:00
Speaker 1: we obviously work in the same office. We're just going
9:01
Speaker 1: up and giving them a kiss on the cheek or
9:04
Speaker 1: sex talking, you know, dirty talk. There's so many little
9:07
Speaker 1: things that you can do. Just it's been more flirtatious
9:09
Speaker 1: and you used to do that at the start, so
9:11
Speaker 1: why would you not continue to do that in your relationship.
9:13
Speaker 1: It just adds the build up. But as the fun,
9:15
Speaker 1: it gets you in the playful energy and it's really
9:17
Speaker 1: connecting and it makes you feel. For me, it makes
9:19
Speaker 1: me feel desired, and I'm guessing it makes Steve feel
9:22
Speaker 1: desired as well, which I think is a really important
9:24
Speaker 1: factor in a relationship, especially long term. At the start,
9:27
Speaker 1: you feel super desired, you can't get enough of each other,
9:29
Speaker 1: but as you go on long term, that's something you
9:30
Speaker 1: have to be really conscious about. I love flirting. I
9:33
Speaker 1: think it's really fun.
9:34
Speaker 2: It's like consciously creating that yeah each other, Yeah, yeah,
9:37
Speaker 2: keeping that fire alive, keeping the fire aliveful energy when
9:41
Speaker 2: you're in a floating isn't it. It's so playful so far.
9:43
Speaker 2: It's like you bat a little bit their way, and
9:45
Speaker 2: then they bat a little bit. Yeah, You're like, oh,
9:47
Speaker 2: this energetic peas is so fun.
9:49
Speaker 1: It's so fun. So like tap back into that. And
9:52
Speaker 1: I had a story for a while there that I
9:54
Speaker 1: didn't know how to flirt and I'd kind of lost
9:56
Speaker 1: that about myself. And then once you practice to get
9:58
Speaker 1: into you're like, no, it's always there. Stephanie's like yeah,
10:02
Speaker 1: Stephanie is there. We love that.
10:05
Speaker 2: I feel like focusing on breath, like when I'm being
10:10
Speaker 2: intimate or even leading up to being intimate, I find
10:13
Speaker 2: is really helpful. So whether it be whether I'm by myself,
10:16
Speaker 2: I'm always conscious of my breath before I actually go
10:19
Speaker 2: into like self pleasure.
10:20
Speaker 1: So what do you do just like stop to do
10:21
Speaker 1: a meditation or do you just like focus on slowing
10:23
Speaker 1: it down? Depends what kind of mood I'm in.
10:25
Speaker 2: So sometimes it might be like putting on a Temanute
10:27
Speaker 2: meditation where I'm like on the bed, laying down my
10:30
Speaker 2: eyes closed, breathing and following the guided meditation. Or sometimes
10:34
Speaker 2: it might even be putting music on and then just
10:36
Speaker 2: breathing to the rhythm of the music and it's just
10:38
Speaker 2: about creating rhythm with my breath. And then that way
10:41
Speaker 2: it gets me connecting to my body because then it's
10:44
Speaker 2: like out of my head and into my body and
10:46
Speaker 2: I can kind of like slow it.
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Speaker 1: Down more of that. That's really good bye.
10:49
Speaker 2: I find it's really good. And then also if you're
10:51
Speaker 2: with a partner, it's like you can do rhythmic breathing together,
10:54
Speaker 2: so it's like you don't even have to voice it.
10:56
Speaker 2: You can just follow their breath. Yeah, and then you
10:58
Speaker 2: kind of get into this like pattern together.
11:00
Speaker 1: That's beautiful and.
11:00
Speaker 2: Then it's like a connection with them. Yeah, I find
11:03
Speaker 2: that that's bad. That's a good one.
11:06
Speaker 1: If you've seen the ad and you want your free
11:08
Speaker 1: natural lubricant, your code is slippery. Let's get back to
11:12
Speaker 1: the episode. Okay, So my next one is really hard
11:16
Speaker 1: with children. And Steve and I went to Sydney a
11:18
Speaker 1: little while ago and just had the best time. It
11:20
Speaker 1: was a couple of days just full of lots of
11:22
Speaker 1: sex and when we came home we were in that
11:24
Speaker 1: really sexual energy and let we forgot we got interrupted,
11:28
Speaker 1: like you know, we put Tarla to bed, but then
11:30
Speaker 1: five minutes later she's knocking on our door. I'm like,
11:33
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I forgot about this. But when you
11:35
Speaker 1: have the time and space like for me really turns
11:38
Speaker 1: you on. Knowing that there's no rush. Yeah, and that's
11:40
Speaker 1: why you do want to wait to your kids are
11:41
Speaker 1: asleep or they're having a nap and knowing you've got
11:43
Speaker 1: that time, which I know for a lot of parents
11:45
Speaker 1: listening you're probably rolling your eyes been like we never
11:47
Speaker 1: get that time. You got to find it. You really
11:49
Speaker 1: do have to find and make it. But if I
11:51
Speaker 1: feel like I'm in a rush, I just find it
11:53
Speaker 1: harder to really be in the moment and enjoy it
11:55
Speaker 1: as much as what I do. When I know there's
11:57
Speaker 1: no rush, we can explore each other's bodies and just
12:00
Speaker 1: be really present and have fun with it and try
12:01
Speaker 1: new things. I don't love the rush to get it
12:04
Speaker 1: done feels when you've only got a certain amount of time. Like, yes,
12:07
Speaker 1: there's a time and place for it, for sure, where
12:09
Speaker 1: it's spontaneous, of course, But for me, I feel a
12:11
Speaker 1: lot more turned on when I can just fully relax
12:13
Speaker 1: knowing there's no time limit and we're not going to
12:15
Speaker 1: be interrupted ta staycase. I know they're not accessible to everyone,
12:19
Speaker 1: you know, especially in this financial crisis, I suppose that
12:21
Speaker 1: a lot of people are in Yeah, gosh, Stayka's. I
12:24
Speaker 1: just feel so connected and so nice to just be
12:26
Speaker 1: able to really pour into each other and be in
12:28
Speaker 1: that energy together.
12:29
Speaker 2: You get to like plug back into each other outside
12:31
Speaker 2: of all the other hats that you've got going on
12:32
Speaker 2: in life.
12:32
Speaker 1: Because I had a conversation with Steve once we got
12:35
Speaker 1: back to it's like a week or two later, I
12:36
Speaker 1: was like, far right. You can really feel the difference
12:38
Speaker 1: of when you come back into stress, into kids, into
12:41
Speaker 1: doing into routine, and it's so easy to get out
12:44
Speaker 1: of that energy. You've got to be really conscious to
12:47
Speaker 1: bring all of these things that we're talking about, yeah,
12:49
Speaker 1: into your day to day and not just waiting for
12:51
Speaker 1: a stay CA And that was my lesson this time.
12:53
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't just wait for a stay
12:55
Speaker 1: k to bring this playful, sexual, flirty energy in. How
12:59
Speaker 1: do I bring some of that back and pull it
13:01
Speaker 1: in each day? And I've been really conscious of it,
13:02
Speaker 1: and yes, it's not the same being away, but it's
13:05
Speaker 1: still really nice. Yeah, so that when we are into
13:07
Speaker 1: met we've got that lead up, we've got that connection,
13:09
Speaker 1: we've got that energy that we've consciously been working towards
13:12
Speaker 1: and enjoying day to day, and.
13:14
Speaker 2: Then you're not waiting for the stay care. You can
13:16
Speaker 2: actually have it now.
13:17
Speaker 1: Virtually get to create it. But it takes a lot
13:19
Speaker 1: of conscious effort, especially when you're parents.
13:22
Speaker 2: I could imagine, especially with the constant interruption, because that
13:24
Speaker 2: would be chology.
13:26
Speaker 1: It's like an instant mood killer.
13:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, Immediately you're like, you know, there's a little human
13:30
Speaker 2: outside the door.
13:31
Speaker 1: Literally You're like, I'm not present at all. No, now
13:35
Speaker 1: I'm worried. Now I'm paranoid.
13:36
Speaker 2: Yeah. Love it so something that I'd love to do.
13:40
Speaker 2: I love slowing it down. Yeah, Like, especially with a partner.
13:43
Speaker 2: I feel like I've come a long way with this
13:45
Speaker 2: as well, because when I was younger, I think maybe
13:47
Speaker 2: just the young belief of needing to be objectified and
13:51
Speaker 2: overly sexualized growing up around especially around the eighteen mark,
13:54
Speaker 2: like you kind of go through different phases where you
13:56
Speaker 2: think this is what men want kind of thing, right,
13:59
Speaker 2: I mean, at least idea right, And so I think
14:01
Speaker 2: for me, I really got into like this headspace of
14:03
Speaker 2: like needing to perform and like having to be a
14:07
Speaker 2: certain way or shore up a certain way, or like
14:09
Speaker 2: certain things that were maybe a little bit more rough
14:11
Speaker 2: than what I liked, do.
14:12
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
14:13
Speaker 2: And so what I've learned, especially of the last couple
14:15
Speaker 2: of years with my past partners, is that I actually
14:19
Speaker 2: really like to slow things down because it just is
14:21
Speaker 2: such a different experience. And again, like what you said before,
14:25
Speaker 2: like there's a time and a place for different moods. Sure, wrong, right,
14:28
Speaker 2: But for the most part, I think slowing it down,
14:30
Speaker 2: whether that be kissing or for play or like the
14:34
Speaker 2: actual art of sex and intimacy is like slowing it
14:38
Speaker 2: down so that you're feeling things more and then it's
14:40
Speaker 2: more about connection and presence and pleasure as opposed to
14:44
Speaker 2: like getting to a specific outcome or getting it down.
14:47
Speaker 1: You're enjoying the whole experience rough and just the orgasm.
14:50
Speaker 2: And like we had a little bit of a conversation
14:52
Speaker 2: like this this morning around not rushing the process, like
14:56
Speaker 2: just actually being present, out of your head, in your body,
15:00
Speaker 2: enjoying that moment of pleasure as opposed to like performing
15:04
Speaker 2: rushing or feeling like you need to get it done.
15:07
Speaker 1: We'll talk about the conversation we had this morning, because
15:09
Speaker 1: even after seventeen years, Steve and I are still exploring
15:11
Speaker 1: and asking questions and checking in. And we both said
15:15
Speaker 1: sometimes we're worried that we're in our head like, oh,
15:18
Speaker 1: is it taking too long to organism? Are they getting
15:21
Speaker 1: over it? And I said that to you the other day,
15:23
Speaker 1: I said, is there ever any a point where you're like, oh,
15:25
Speaker 1: she's taking so long? He's like, are you joking? Yeah,
15:28
Speaker 1: no way, I enjoy the whole prochus. I enjoy seeing
15:31
Speaker 1: you in pleasure. That's never never like get that out
15:33
Speaker 1: of your head, because that would just make you paranoid
15:35
Speaker 1: and not be in the moment and not relax and
15:37
Speaker 1: then not be able to come yep. I was like, yeah,
15:39
Speaker 1: it's a good point. We both said we felt like that.
15:40
Speaker 1: I'm sure so many of you listening maybe you get
15:43
Speaker 1: paranoid I about that, but don't like this is your
15:46
Speaker 1: time to relax and be in the moment and enjoy
15:48
Speaker 1: every moment. So enjoy every moment.
15:51
Speaker 2: I think it's like even sometimes a reflection of like
15:53
Speaker 2: how scared you can get to like take up space. Yeah,
15:56
Speaker 2: you know, and like I really noticed sometimes a part
15:58
Speaker 2: of me being like, oh, like am I taking too long?
16:00
Speaker 1: Like the people pleasing too, isn't it like oh I
16:03
Speaker 1: want to make this about them that.
16:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, like just want to take care of them step
16:07
Speaker 2: or anything like that. And I, yeah, just coming back
16:09
Speaker 2: to the performative thing for a sec because yeah, we
16:11
Speaker 2: had this conversation actually around how when it's very performative
16:15
Speaker 2: based or it's very like rough and hard and all
16:17
Speaker 2: those sorts of things. I don't know, maybe it's like
16:19
Speaker 2: my insecurities, but I feel a little bit like used
16:22
Speaker 2: a bit, you know, it doesn't feel as nice, doesn't
16:25
Speaker 2: feel as nice. There's no caressing, there's no love making,
16:28
Speaker 2: there's like and I just I noticed the head noise.
16:31
Speaker 1: Well, I think when if you're getting smashed and you're
16:34
Speaker 1: doing it rough, so I don't know how else to
16:35
Speaker 1: put it, but if you're doing it rough, yeah, you
16:37
Speaker 1: don't feel as taken care of. Was when you're love
16:39
Speaker 1: making and you're holding each other and you're slowing it down.
16:42
Speaker 1: I just feel taken care of. Feel like my body,
16:44
Speaker 1: I feel like my pleasure. I feel like everything together
16:47
Speaker 1: is like this beautiful dance. I suppose it's safe and
16:50
Speaker 1: it's loving, Whereas when it's a bit rougher, it feels
16:53
Speaker 1: like it's just sex and time and place for sure, Yeah,
16:56
Speaker 1: time and place. Everyone loves different things, and every now
16:58
Speaker 1: and again I do too, but I'm the same most
17:01
Speaker 1: of the time. I prefer to feel taken care of
17:02
Speaker 1: and loved on and gentle, and yeah, make it more
17:05
Speaker 1: intimate rather than just a fuck.
17:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, And obviously, like it's obviously important to know that,
17:09
Speaker 2: like when you have a safe space you can kind
17:11
Speaker 2: of explore it. Oh yeah, good for you, you know,
17:13
Speaker 2: but like sometimes it can be fine line between like
17:15
Speaker 2: feeling safe and feeling objectified.
17:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
17:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, But when you're with a safe partner, it's like
17:21
Speaker 2: that's not really think because you know it's safe and
17:22
Speaker 2: you know yeah.
17:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't say I felt objectified before, but I
17:26
Speaker 1: can hear how women could feel like that. But it's
17:29
Speaker 1: still you still feel more taken care of when it's
17:31
Speaker 1: slower because they are, they're caressing you there, holding you.
17:34
Speaker 2: It's a better experience.
17:36
Speaker 1: I agree. I'm sure most women if you're listening and
17:38
Speaker 1: people are like, yeah, agree. By time place for rottle
17:40
Speaker 1: for sure. My last one is kind of what I've
17:43
Speaker 1: already covered, which was stacase when you just fully get
17:45
Speaker 1: to relax, plug into each other. You're each other's number one.
17:49
Speaker 1: You're so plugged into each other and each other's pleasure
17:52
Speaker 1: and listening and connecting and talking and experiencing, and not
17:55
Speaker 1: just in the bedroom. It's like even out for dinner,
17:57
Speaker 1: you know, interrupted every three seconds. It's just that time
18:00
Speaker 1: to really plug in. And it's something we put on
18:02
Speaker 1: our vision board. We do like a joint vision board
18:04
Speaker 1: and goal sitting each year. We put it on last
18:07
Speaker 1: year's and we didn't do many, So this year I
18:10
Speaker 1: was like, not doing that again. Yeah, that was an
18:12
Speaker 1: intention that we didn't follow through with once again. It's
18:15
Speaker 1: very hard when you have kids and finances and all
18:17
Speaker 1: the things if you don't have the support around you.
18:19
Speaker 1: But this year I was like, we're gonna prioritize this
18:21
Speaker 1: and make this it's a must, and it just really
18:25
Speaker 1: fills our relationship cut back up. I think a lot
18:28
Speaker 1: of us are not pouring into the relationship cup as
18:31
Speaker 1: much as what we'd like to, as much as what
18:32
Speaker 1: we should, because for me, it's the foundation for everything.
18:35
Speaker 1: I grew up not seeing a loving relationship, not seeing
18:38
Speaker 1: my parents put each other first. In fact, it was opposite.
18:40
Speaker 1: It was disrespect, abuse, never priority. It was just horrible.
18:44
Speaker 1: I want my kids to see what a healthy relationship
18:46
Speaker 1: is and how important it is to put your partner
18:48
Speaker 1: as a priority and for them to feel loved and
18:50
Speaker 1: cared for and desired. So I want my kids to
18:53
Speaker 1: have that. I feel like that's my responsibility to model that.
18:56
Speaker 1: Of course, otherwise how else do they learn and see it?
18:58
Speaker 1: So that's my last one.
19:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. Yeah, my last one is knowing
19:04
Speaker 2: there's no pressure to orgasm.
19:07
Speaker 1: Oh explain.
19:08
Speaker 2: So for me, it must be that to do with
19:11
Speaker 2: that thing of getting in my head of feeling like
19:12
Speaker 2: I might be taking too long. But when I know
19:15
Speaker 2: that my partner is actively telling me like there's no
19:19
Speaker 2: pressure when I'm here to get to an outcome, like
19:21
Speaker 2: you're okay, like just relax and enjoy, then immediately it's
19:24
Speaker 2: be things up for me, and.
19:25
Speaker 1: I like like excellent, I turned on.
19:27
Speaker 2: It's almost like knowing that there is no pressure to organism.
19:31
Speaker 2: When I feel like I'm getting in my head, I
19:33
Speaker 2: start to feel pressure to orgasm, and then I'm like, oh,
19:35
Speaker 2: I've got to get to the outcome. It's just not
19:37
Speaker 2: about that. And so when I actively know that my
19:39
Speaker 2: partner's on the same page with me in that, I
19:41
Speaker 2: can kind of soften and my body can kind of relax,
19:43
Speaker 2: and then I'm like, Okay, I get to enjoy this.
19:45
Speaker 1: I think every female listenings to be like, yeah, I
19:47
Speaker 1: helt that before.
19:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I find something that helps me. And what
19:51
Speaker 2: I've done is actually asked my partner to say those
19:54
Speaker 2: words to.
19:55
Speaker 1: Me like that's nice.
19:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, pressed to request, yeah, like can you tell me
19:59
Speaker 2: that it's safe that I'm safe with you that I
20:03
Speaker 2: can relax, that you know, all of the things whatever
20:06
Speaker 2: it feels good for you in that moment and actually
20:08
Speaker 2: say like there's no pressure, orgasm, this is just your enjoyment.
20:11
Speaker 2: Like I just want you to receive right now. And
20:13
Speaker 2: I've found that that nine times out of ten has
20:16
Speaker 2: really helped me.
20:17
Speaker 1: And you know what, they would love that guidance because
20:19
Speaker 1: they want to make you happy, they want to see
20:21
Speaker 1: you in pleasure, they want you to relax. So it's
20:23
Speaker 1: like sometimes just hearing those words is all you need. Yeah,
20:26
Speaker 1: but reassurance.
20:27
Speaker 2: I think for me a big thing is like I'm
20:28
Speaker 2: very like audible. Is that how you would say it?
20:31
Speaker 2: So like when I hear like my partner's voice, it
20:33
Speaker 2: softens me entirely. I'm like, take care of me, love me,
20:36
Speaker 2: like never leave me.
20:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, take care of my money, love me. Yeah. Oh
20:40
Speaker 1: that's beautiful. We hope you guys enjoyed this episode. It's
20:42
Speaker 1: a bit of a shorter one, but we want to
20:44
Speaker 1: get straight to the point and just talk about the
20:46
Speaker 1: things that really help turn us on. And I think
20:48
Speaker 1: when you're experiencing beautiful pleasure and connection, it just overflows
20:51
Speaker 1: into every other area of your life. I know when
20:53
Speaker 1: I've had beautiful sex and intimacy and i feel connected,
20:57
Speaker 1: I'm so lit up. Yeah, it's like that glow. It
21:00
Speaker 1: does that happiness, that high vibrational frequency that you're in
21:04
Speaker 1: and then everyone gets the benefits of that, your family, yourself,
21:07
Speaker 1: your work. You're in a higher state. And I know
21:10
Speaker 1: there's been times I've been really stressed and say, Steve
21:12
Speaker 1: and I haven't had sex for a couple of weeks
21:14
Speaker 1: and we haven't. I'm like, oh my gosh, why do
21:15
Speaker 1: we stop doing that? But you can get stuck in
21:17
Speaker 1: your ruts and you're tired, and your stress and all
21:19
Speaker 1: that busy period. Yeah, all the different things, but it
21:23
Speaker 1: is just such an important thing to continue to do.
21:26
Speaker 1: It's the only thing being intimate that separates you from
21:28
Speaker 1: being roommates. It's the only special thing that you do
21:31
Speaker 1: just with your partner that you don't do with anyone
21:33
Speaker 1: else unless you're an open relationship, which can't relate that.
21:37
Speaker 1: It's the thing that you two just have for each other.
21:39
Speaker 1: It's so important to make the time. So we love it.
21:43
Speaker 1: Have you guys enjoyed that? And we'll see you on Friday.
21:45
Speaker 1: Bye bye.