Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - Inner child work

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Friday feature - Inner child work · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appolgie Production, very special guest here, one of my bestest
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  Speaker 1: friends in the whole wide world. Got makes you here?
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  Speaker 1: I love there's a particular topic that I feel you're
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  Speaker 1: very passionate about and you help so many women through
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  Speaker 1: and that's connecting with that inner child. This work. It
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  Speaker 1: doesn't ever stop right because more things come up and
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  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, let's unpack that. Oh that might have
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  Speaker 1: happened because when this happened when I was younger, And
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  Speaker 1: it never gets to a point where you're like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: I've done that, I'm all good now.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely. I always say that if you're dealing with something
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  Speaker 2: from your past, I don't feel that it's ever just
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  Speaker 2: wrapped up into a box. You put a bowl in it,
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  Speaker 2: put it away in a shelf, yay, Like it is
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  Speaker 2: a part of you and it gets to be something
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  Speaker 2: that you learn how to live with, maybe more ease
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  Speaker 2: and grace, or maybe it doesn't affect you as big
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  Speaker 2: as it used to. You know you kind of it
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  Speaker 2: can ease off. But we have memories. Our body has memories.
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  Speaker 2: It stored somatic. There are some modalities that do say
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  Speaker 2: they can rearrange the way that you remember things, and
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  Speaker 2: so Therefore how you react to those things now might
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  Speaker 2: not affect you. But yeah, I think that some of
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  Speaker 2: these things are always going to be there, even if
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  Speaker 2: a little bit.
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  Speaker 1: Something that you said to me, which I've done two
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  Speaker 1: in a Child healings with you now and they were amazing.
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  Speaker 1: I've spoken about in the podcast before, but something that
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  Speaker 1: you said in one of them really stuck with me
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  Speaker 1: because I kind of had separated like my younger self
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  Speaker 1: as like my past self, like almost like she's gone,
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  Speaker 1: but you were like, she's always a part of you.
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  Speaker 1: So now when I try to connect with my inner child,
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  Speaker 1: it's like she's right next to me or she's within me,
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  Speaker 1: but I visualize her right there and she's never going anywhere.
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  Speaker 1: And my job now is to always make sure that
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  Speaker 1: I'm there for her and giving her what she needs.
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  Speaker 1: And that's been really helpful because it's just in a way,
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  Speaker 1: it's just another way to support myself because she's a
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  Speaker 1: part of me. She's not separate to me. But I
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  Speaker 1: have thought that it's separate because that part of my
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  Speaker 1: life's done, but it's never really done. Yeah, that was
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  Speaker 1: a cool realization for me. It's helped me continue to
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  Speaker 1: be able to from those healings, not disconnect with her.
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  Speaker 1: I stayed connect with her because that first one it
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  Speaker 1: was in your lounge room, second was in your bedroom.
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  Speaker 1: In the first one, I was telling you, it was
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  Speaker 1: like so quickly I could drop in and see her,
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  Speaker 1: and I cried so much because I was like, I
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  Speaker 1: felt like this real human that I got to cuddle
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  Speaker 1: and like actually fully see her pain and see her tears.
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  Speaker 1: And it was so easy to connect with her because
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's this, yeah, like a daughter or like
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  Speaker 1: a friend, like you want to be there for them.
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  Speaker 1: It was just such a beautiful experience that I wish
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  Speaker 1: everyone could tap into that, but I do find it
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  Speaker 1: it was harder to do by myself. Like, it is
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  Speaker 1: nice to have a woman's coach like yourself who can
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  Speaker 1: guide you through that. So could you talk us through
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  Speaker 1: a little bit about your healings and how you learn
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  Speaker 1: how to do that and just how powerful that work is.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so cool that you had that experience and
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  Speaker 2: that can just now shifted things for you moving forward,
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  Speaker 2: because You're so right, it's absolutely this little girl she
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  Speaker 2: experienced whatever she experienced back then, or even your younger self,
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  Speaker 2: whatever age it was, they had this experience, and we
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  Speaker 2: grow up and we think, oh, that shouldn't bother me now,
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  Speaker 2: Like I was so little there it was all of
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  Speaker 2: this time ago. We kind of have these coping mechanisms
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  Speaker 2: within ourselves which our body tries to protect us. Right,
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  Speaker 2: it's doing its job. But that little gushi is you,
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  Speaker 2: this body that was her. So those thoughts, those feelings,
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  Speaker 2: any traumas, any joys, and good memories too, like they
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  Speaker 2: reside in your body, in your mind and your self
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  Speaker 2: conscious they're there. So to just discount her and what
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  Speaker 2: she experienced is yeah, a big part of the disconnection
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  Speaker 2: that ws her and feel And a lot of people
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  Speaker 2: think with different healing modalities, and let's say in a
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  Speaker 2: child healing, they might think, oh, I'm so scared to
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  Speaker 2: go back there and feel that again or unpack it,
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  Speaker 2: or like that hurt me so much, Like I don't
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  Speaker 2: want to go back there. But when you're healing these
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  Speaker 2: parts of you and you're allowing the emotion to move
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  Speaker 2: through you and you're being held in that and you
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  Speaker 2: are actually processing what happened afterwards, most people feel really
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  Speaker 2: light and they actually feel like wow, like they might
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  Speaker 2: have a really good sleep that night or have lots
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  Speaker 2: of downloads or you know, things are shifting. But generally
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  Speaker 2: it's not as heavy as people think it might be,
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  Speaker 2: and it's not as energetically draining often as people think
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  Speaker 2: it might be.
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  Speaker 1: Because you're clearing it, you're clearing stuff that is blocked,
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  Speaker 1: or you've been carrying the weight of it for thirty
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  Speaker 1: odd years, you actually get to move through some of that.
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  Speaker 2: The pain that people feel of like that's going to
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  Speaker 2: be too much or painful or overwhelming is the pain
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  Speaker 2: that they're feeling from suppressing and from carrying the way
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  Speaker 2: and like trying to stifle the heavy feelings and emotions.
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  Speaker 2: So they're like, oh no, that's painful, I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: shut off to that again instead of learning how to
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  Speaker 2: let it flow. I personally think a lot of these
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  Speaker 2: things that you talk about, like confidence and feelings of anxiousness,
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  Speaker 2: a lot of these things started somewhere and they've rooted
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  Speaker 2: some where, So obviously going back and trying to find
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  Speaker 2: and work on the source of where they originated from
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  Speaker 2: it is so powerful in your healing journey. Instead of
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  Speaker 2: doing these affirmations or reading these books or trying to
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  Speaker 2: take steps forward, instead of clearing and shifting the past.
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  Speaker 2: It just propels you forward a lot more. Not to
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  Speaker 2: say that doing affirmations and these other things are bad
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  Speaker 2: or you shouldn't do them, it's just the changing your
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  Speaker 2: neural pathways in your brain. It's a lot harder. It's
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  Speaker 2: like I always use this analogy that if you were
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  Speaker 2: going down a snow field and you went down the
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  Speaker 2: same path over and over again on your snowboard, you'd like,
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  Speaker 2: make this deep ridge, and now what you want to do.
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  Speaker 2: You want to go somewhere else. So when you're trying
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  Speaker 2: to carve the new path, it's like harder and your
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  Speaker 2: board might get a bit stuck, and so then you
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  Speaker 2: go back the old way, the old path. And this
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  Speaker 2: is what it's like, trying to create those new neural
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  Speaker 2: pathways in your brain and take different action when you're
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  Speaker 2: wanting change and you're wanting to do something different. So
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  Speaker 2: it can be really hard if you're just like I'm
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  Speaker 2: going to try. But if you get out a shovel
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  Speaker 2: and you make the new pathway where you want to
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  Speaker 2: go and clear the snow, then it's a lot easier
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  Speaker 2: for you to make that decision to choose differently, to
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  Speaker 2: do differently, to be honest people that I work with
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  Speaker 2: one on one, their entire lives change. Like they are
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  Speaker 2: just able to show up so differently as parents in
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  Speaker 2: their relationships, in going after the dreams and goals that
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  Speaker 2: they have. Like people have new relationships and new businesses
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  Speaker 2: and new jobs, and just like they really get to
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  Speaker 2: flourish and they get to clear self sabotage self doubt.
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  Speaker 2: I've had a beautiful client find her purpose and her
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  Speaker 2: calling and start a beautiful business helping and healing other people.
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  Speaker 2: I've had a beautiful client who was able to let
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  Speaker 2: go over a relationship that was no longer serving her,
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  Speaker 2: and then now she's engaged to a new incredible part
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  Speaker 2: and just thriving and living more to her values, more
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  Speaker 2: aligned to her values. And yeah, just so many stories
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  Speaker 2: like that, So.
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  Speaker 1: Sounds like it helps them thrive, not just survive through
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  Speaker 1: each Shay. A lot of people get so caught up
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  Speaker 1: and thinking like this is just my life, this is
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  Speaker 1: how it's always been, Like I've always thought like that,
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  Speaker 1: or my mum did this, It's just what it is.
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  Speaker 1: But it actually doesn't have to be like that. You
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  Speaker 1: can change your beliefs and you can change the way
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  Speaker 1: you see things even though your childhood might have looked
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  Speaker 1: a certain way. Do you think the first seven years
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  Speaker 1: of our life is the most impressionable and that's where
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  Speaker 1: most of our beliefs and experiences come from, that shape
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  Speaker 1: us to be how we show up as adults.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what they say. That's the most delicate time
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  Speaker 2: in our life, those seven years where we're so connected
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  Speaker 2: with our caregivers, so we really learning and watching from
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  Speaker 2: them and being little sponges. And if we're not receiving
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  Speaker 2: the love and affection and care, and we're not held
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  Speaker 2: through our emotions and you know a lot of these
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  Speaker 2: common things. You know, all of our parents doing the
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  Speaker 2: best they could with what they have. But there is
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  Speaker 2: a lot of people out there walking around that experience that.
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  Speaker 2: So that's hard wiring your system telling it this is
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  Speaker 2: how it is. And it's also putting your body in
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  Speaker 2: maybe fight and flight, or it's telling your nervous system
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  Speaker 2: then that like this is dangerous, I'm in fear. And
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  Speaker 2: we might develop some tendencies to help us gain a
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  Speaker 2: little bit of control. So we might have picked up
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  Speaker 2: some habits or some little quirks or things or behaviors
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  Speaker 2: and patterns that now we're thinking that doesn't serve me
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  Speaker 2: anymore or could come back from those years.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, So for anyone listening and they've never done any
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  Speaker 1: of this work but they feel a pull to do
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  Speaker 1: it that I don't know who to go to, that
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  Speaker 1: I don't know where to start. What advice would you
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  Speaker 1: give to someone.
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  Speaker 2: The first bit of advice I would give is to
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  Speaker 2: really dig into finding the courage to going there and
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  Speaker 2: finding a way to help yourself feel safe in your body.
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  Speaker 2: And you know, this work is so nuanced. People can
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  Speaker 2: be feeling really really unsafe in their current state in
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  Speaker 2: their bodies and think, oh my gosh, to go there,
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  Speaker 2: it's too much. So the first part of your work
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  Speaker 2: would be to work on your nervous system, to work
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  Speaker 2: on just yeah, coming into your body so like breath
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  Speaker 2: and slowness, and creating a little beautiful space for yourself
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  Speaker 2: to do any of this work, carving out some time,
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  Speaker 2: setting up a beautiful little environment. You can also find
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  Speaker 2: something that can be like a tether for you to
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  Speaker 2: hold onto, you know, like when people go diving and
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  Speaker 2: they follow the rope. Something. You might have a pet
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  Speaker 2: that you want to keep close by in stroke, or
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  Speaker 2: a teddy or I don't know something that a partner
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  Speaker 2: or something that you can kind of hold onto for
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  Speaker 2: a bit of safety as you dip your toe into
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  Speaker 2: this work, and that keeps you grounded and feeling safe.
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  Speaker 2: So that's the first thing that I would say. The
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  Speaker 2: second bit of advice that I always give, which is
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  Speaker 2: easier for parents, but it can be helpful to anyone,
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  Speaker 2: is to connect with someone. So if you're a woman,
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  Speaker 2: connect with a little girl that you know around the
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  Speaker 2: age that you're wanting to kind of drop into and
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  Speaker 2: think of her, like, imagine your daughter, imagine your niece,
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  Speaker 2: imagine whoever it might be, and say, in a moment
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  Speaker 2: that you might be feeling like you're not confident to
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  Speaker 2: go and do something or to speak up, to have
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  Speaker 2: a boundary to express what you want, imagine this being
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  Speaker 2: your daughter and what you would say to her, and
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  Speaker 2: how you would hold her, how you would hold her emotions,
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  Speaker 2: how you would look at her, And then you can
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  Speaker 2: start to envision that being you.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, once you start to surround yourself with people doing
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  Speaker 1: this work as well, I feel like you can even
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  Speaker 1: feel a divide of other people that those relationships weren't
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  Speaker 1: serving you or they're not in that same path as
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  Speaker 1: you and you can see how that might be holding
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  Speaker 1: you back. And then you surround yourself with people that
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  Speaker 1: are doing this work, it just makes you want to
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  Speaker 1: lean into it more and it makes you feel safe
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  Speaker 1: to do it as well. And then I think when
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  Speaker 1: you feel safe and you feel progress, you enjoy it
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  Speaker 1: more and that's really cool as well,